While many year-olds are looking forward to their future beyond high school, others might feel apprehensive about entering the adult world. Even parents or caregivers may experience stress and uncertainty as their child approaches the year-old mark.

For instance, you may wonder if you have taught your teen everything they need to know to become a responsible adult. To be sure, it helps to consider their development and assist them accordingly to make sure they are prepared for the real world.

Below you will find information on what to expect from your teen developmentally. You will find information on how your teen is developing cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally. We also provide tips on what you can do to help your teen grow and learn as well as how to keep them safe at this age.

Year-Old Language and Cognitive Milestones

By age 17, most teens have good organizational skills. As a result, they are able to successfully juggle extracurricular activities, part-time jobs, and school work. But even though many year-olds think they are adults, their brains still have not yet fully developed. So while they may have skills to regulate their impulses, they also may behave recklessly at times.

"Theoretically, year-olds are developing more abstract thought but that is not solidified until more college-age," says Ellen S. Rome, MD, MPH, head of the Center for Adolescent Medicine at Cleveland Clinic Children's. "Consequently, they may do well with some areas of their life and not so well in others."

Most year-olds also are thinking about their future by now and may start to establish more concrete plans after high school whether that includes plans for college, employment, or the military.

"They are moving toward more formal operational thinking," explains Ashley Ebersole, MD, MS, FAAP, an adolescent medicine physician with Nationwide Children's. "They might think about thinking—or metacognition—as well as think about how others perceive them or how they feel about them."

As for communication, most year-olds can communicate like adults. However, they may not ask for clarification or speak up when they do not understand a word or the meaning of a phrase.

Slang also is common among teens and may have more meaning than formal language at this age. Meanwhile, some year-olds still struggle to understand double negatives. And although their attention spans are improved, it’s common for them to lose track of long, complex questions.

Year-Old Physical Development

Most males and females are fully developed by their 17th birthday. They have completed puberty and reached their full height. However, males may continue to develop physically, especially if they are late getting started.

"Most males and females will continue to gain weight even if they are not getting taller," says Dr. Ebersole.

Males also may grow more facial and underarm hair and their voices may continue to deepen as well. Body image issues are common at this age as some teens are not pleased with the physical changes they have endured. Acne also can become common.

"Metabolism has slowed by late puberty to more adult ranges, so sporadic eating is more of a challenge at this age," says Dr. Rome. "Establish good sleep and eating habits and some sort of workout schedule so that as they graduate from high school sports, they still have a personal wellness plan."

Year-Old Emotional and Social Milestones

Turning 17 represents an interesting fork in the road for many teens. Some of them take off on a smooth path toward adulthood. They become increasingly responsible and they are eager to become independent.

Others, however, may be feeling less confident about the realities of pending adulthood. They may even feel lost and confused over the future. Teens this age also may even struggle to show responsibility with their homework, chores, and daily responsibilities and may feel fearful about becoming an adult.

"Let your teen know that it is OK to make mistakes," suggests Dr. Rome. "In fact, you want them to make mistakes that are not life-threatening or catastrophic. Instead of being a helicopter parent or a snowplow, ask them what they learned from their mistake or poor choice."

For the most part, a year-old's moods are calmer than they were in earlier teen years. This is due to fewer hormonal shifts and an increased sense of control. But that does not mean teens will not struggle with their emotions when they face a big problem. Whether they are dealing with a broken heart or a college rejection letter, many year-olds are dealing with adult-sized problems for the first time.

"If your teen speaks in absolutes—like ABC always happens or XYZ never occurs—when problems occur, challenge these automatic beliefs," suggests Dr. Rome. "Rarely are these absolutes true in real life. Ask them if they can imagine or identify a time when that was not true and if they cannot think of anything, ask them to imagine it—what would it feel like or look like. And then ask them what steps they need to work toward to make that a reality."

Most year-olds are goal-oriented. They are beginning to imagine what type of life they want to create beyond high school.

Many year-olds form strong relationships. They develop close friendships and become less likely to move back and forth between cliques. They also discover that it’s important to be dependable. When they make a promise to their friends, they want to honor their commitments.

Your teen may spend the vast majority of their free time with friends and when they're home, they may prefer to be in their room alone. The parent-teen relationship may shift a little during this age as well. For some, that may mean growing apart from their parents as they gain independence, but for others, it may growing closer to their parents as their desire to be rebellious fades away.

Other Milestones for Your Year-Old

Seventeen-year-olds may be experiencing a variety of things for the first time. Some of them are getting a driver’s license if they have not already and possibly even a car. Others are getting part-time jobs while others may be engaging in riskier behaviors. Some may even be experimenting with unprotected sex, alcohol, or drugs.

And for some teens, age 17 is the first time they experience a serious romantic relationship and perhaps even their first heartbreak. Also, be on the lookout for unhealthy dating relationships, including teen dating violence. Many teens struggle to cope with these adult-like issues.

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How to Help Your Year-Old Learn and Grow

Help your teen focus on making healthy choices like eating nutritiously or exercising rather than dwelling on their appearance. You also should discourage dieting or bulking up. More than 50% of high school girls are concerned about their weight and are engaged in dieting.

You also should do what you can to promote your teen's independence and autonomy. Allowing your teen to drive a car, get a job, and stay home alone for the night are just a few steps toward becoming an independent adult. However, it is just as important to rein them in—especially if they are making poor choices or taking too many risks.

"Seventeen-year-olds are a step away from flying the nest," says Dr. Rome. "As a result, parents should gradually increase responsibility. Make sure they know their way around the kitchen, how often sheets and towels should be washed, as well as how to manage their finances. You don't want them heading off to college naive about their credit rating."

You also should establish clear rules about dating and talk often about healthy relationships, safe sex, consent, and dating. You also can encourage your teen to explore their interests and hobbies. You also should do what you can to get your year-old to read for fun. Reading helps build a teen’s vocabulary while also improving their writing skills.

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How to Keep Your Year-Old Safe

Substance abuse, safe driving, sexual activity, and mental health issues continue to be top safety concerns for kids this age, says Dr. Ebersole. In fact, according to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey, 38% of high schoolers had sex in high school, more than 20 million new STDs were reported in young people ages 15 to 24, and nearly , babies were born to teens between 15 and 19 years of age.

"Many teens this age are sexually active," says Dr. Ebersole. "Make sure you are aware of their sexual needs and keep in mind that they may need to see a healthcare provider."

If you suspect that your teen is sexually active, make sure you are talking about the importance of consent as well as safe sex. You also may want to discuss birth control with them and provide them some tips on safe dating.

Also make sure you touch base with them about how they are feeling mentally and emotionally, Dr. Ebersole adds. Ask open-ended questions and listen to what your teen is really saying.

"Make sure you also are having positive conversations about their growing independence," Dr. Rome says. "You also should keep track of their well-being and safety. Pay attention to their mood, self-care, sleeping habits, and eating patterns, as well as look for signs of depression and anxiety."

What Your Teen Needs to Know About Dating Safely

When to Be Concerned

If the thought of sending your year-old out into the real world within the next year terrifies you, you are not alone. Many parents can't imagine their teen navigating the adult world independently. But often, there's a lot of growth between 17 and 18 years old. And within that year, teens become ready to enter college, the military, or the working world.

If your teen seems especially ill-equipped for the realities of adulthood, you might want to talk to a healthcare provider. You also should be concerned if you see major changes in your teen’s mood or behavior. A decline in grades, changes in sleep habits, or a change in weight or appetite are just a few symptoms that could indicate a mental health issue or another underlying problem.

A Word From Verywell

As your year-old moves toward such milestones as high school graduation and the first year of college, you may start to wonder if you have done everything you can to prepare them for life outside of your home. But it is important to remind yourself that it is never too late for teens to learn new skills like managing money, staying safe, and even cooking for themselves.

Proactively look for areas in your teen's life where they might need to sharpen their life skills. As their parent, you play an instrumental role in guiding and teaching them to become the best version of themselves that they can be. And if you run into a few snags along the way, do not be afraid to ask for help from a healthcare provider or mental health professional.

Year-Old Child Development Milestones

In the more than two decades since the launch of commercial dating sites such as alovex.co, online dating has evolved into a multibillion-dollar industry serving customers around the world. A new Pew Research Center study explores how dating sites and apps have transformed the way Americans meet and develop relationships, and how the users of these services feel about online dating.

Here are 10 facts from the study, which is based on a survey conducted among 4, U.S. adults in October

1Three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used a dating site or app, but this varies significantly by age and sexual orientation. While 48% of to year-olds say have ever used a dating site or app, the share is 38% among those ages 30 to 49 and even lower for those 50 and older (16%). At the same time, personal experiences with online dating greatly differ by sexual orientation. Lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) adults are roughly twice as likely as those who are straight to say they ever used a dating platform (55% vs. 28%).

2A small share of Americans say they have been in a committed relationship with or married someone they met through a dating site or app. About one-in-ten U.S. adults say this (12%), though these shares are higher among LGB adults, as well as those ages 18 to

3Roughly six-in-ten online daters (57%) say they have had an overall positive experience with these platforms, including 14% who describe their experience as very positive and 43% who say it was somewhat positive. Fewer users – though still about four-in-ten – describe their online dating experience as at least somewhat negative, including 9% who describe it as very negative.

People’s assessments of their online dating experiences vary widely by socioeconomic factors. Around six-in-ten online daters with a bachelor’s or advanced degree (63%) say their experience has been very or somewhat positive, compared with 47% among those who have a high school diploma or less. The ratings online daters give their overall experience do not vary statistically by gender or race and ethnicity.

4While online daters generally say their overall experience was positive, they also point out some of the downsides of online dating. By a wide margin, Americans who have used a dating site or app in the past year say their recent experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%).

Other sentiments are more evenly balanced between positive and negative feelings. Some 35% of current or recent users say that in the past year online dating has made them feel more pessimistic, while 29% say these platforms left them feeling more optimistic. Similarly, 32% say online dating sites or apps made them feel more confident, whereas 25% say it left them feeling more insecure.

5Majorities of online daters say it was at least somewhat easy to find potentially compatible partners. Many online daters say they could find people on these platforms who they were physically attracted to, shared their hobbies and interests, seemed like someone they would want to meet in person or were looking for the same kind of relationship as them. At the same time, there are some gender differences in how hard or easy users say it was to find compatible partners.

For example, women who have ever used a dating site or app are more likely than men to say they have found it very or somewhat difficult to find people they were physical attracted to (36% vs. 21%) or who like someone they would want to meet in person (39% vs. 32%). By contrast, male users are more inclined than female users to say it was at least somewhat difficult to find people who shared their hobbies and interests (41% vs. 30%).

6Women are more likely than men to categorize certain information as essential to see in other users’ profiles. Among online daters, 72% of women say it was very important to them that the profiles they looked at included the type of relationship the person was looking for, compared with about half of men (53%). Women who have online dated are also more likely than men to say it was very important to them that the profiles they looked through included a person’s religious beliefs (32% vs. 18%), occupation (27% vs. 8%) or height (22% vs. 8%).

Other gender differences – such as the importance of users including their hobbies and interests, their racial or ethnic background or their political affiliation – are more modest.

7There are stark gender differences in the amount of attention online daters say they received on these sites or apps. Overall, online daters are more likely to say they did not receive enough messages than to say they received too many, but users’ experiences vary by gender.

Roughly six-in-ten men who have online dated in the past five years (57%) say they feel as if they did not get enough messages, while just 24% of women say the same. Meanwhile, women who have online dated in this time period are five times as likely as men to think they were sent too many messages (30% vs. 6%).

8Younger women are especially likely to report having troublesome interactions on online dating platforms. About three-in-ten or more online dating users say someone continued to contact them on a dating site or app after they said they were not interested (37%), sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for (35%) or called them an offensive name (28%). About one-in-ten (9%) say another user has threated to physically harm them.

These rates are even higher among younger women. Six-in-ten female users ages 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while 57% report that another user has sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for. At the same time, 44% report that someone called them an offense name on a dating site or app, while 19% say they have had someone threaten to physically harm them.

9Americans have varying views about the safety of online dating. Roughly half of Americans overall (53%) say dating sites and apps are a very or somewhat safe way to meet people, while 46% believe they are not too or not at all safe.

Public perceptions about the safety of online dating vary substantially by personal experience. A majority of Americans who have ever used a dating site or app (71%) see online dating as a very or somewhat safe way to meet someone, compared with 47% of those who have never used these platforms.

Among the public as a whole, women are far more likely than men to say dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet people (53% vs. 39%). Views on this question also vary substantially by age, educational attainment and race and ethnicity.

10More than half of Americans (54%) say relationships that begin on a dating site or app are just as successful as those that begin in person. A smaller share of U.S. adults – though still about four-in-ten – say these kinds of relationships are less successful than relationships that begin in person.

At the same time, half of Americans say online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships. Smaller shares say these platforms have had a mostly positive (22%) or mostly negative effect (26%).

Note: Here are the questions used for this report, along with responses, and its methodology.

Age difference between individuals in sexual relationships

Age disparity in sexual relationships is the age difference between individuals in sexual relationships. Concepts of these relationships, including what defines an age disparity, have developed over time and vary among societies. Differences in age preferences for mates can stem from partner availability, gender roles, and evolutionary mating strategies, and age preferences in sexual partners may vary cross-culturally. There are also social theories for age differences in relationships as well as suggested reasons for 'alternative' age-hypogamous relationships. Age-disparate relationships have been documented for most of recorded history and have been regarded with a wide range of attitudes dependent on sociocultural norms and legal systems.

Statistics[edit]

Data in Australia^[2] and the United Kingdom^[3] show an almost identical pattern.

Relationships with age disparities have been observed with both men and women as the older or younger partner. In various cultures, older men and younger women often seek one another for sexual or marital relationships.^[4] Older women sometimes date younger men as well,^[5] and in both cases wealth and apparent physical attractiveness are often relevant.^[6] Because most men are interested in women in their 20s, adolescent boys are generally sexually interested in women somewhat older than they are.^[7] Older men also display an interest in women of their own age.^[8] However, research suggests that relationship patterns are more influenced by women’s preferences than men’s.^[7][9][10]

Most men marry women younger than they are; with the difference being between two and three years in Spain,^[11] the UK reporting the difference to be on average about three years, and the US, two and a half.^[12][13] The pattern was also confirmed for the rest of the world, with the gap being largest in Africa.^[14] However, the number of women marrying younger men is rising. A study released in by the UK's Office for National Statistics concluded that the proportion of women in England and Wales marrying younger men rose from 15% to 26% between and Another study also showed a higher divorce rate as the age difference rose for when either the woman was older or the man was older.^[15][16] A study, however, concluded that the difference is not significant.^[17][18]

In August , Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff, completed and released the results of a study on age disparity in dating. Dunn concluded that "Not once across all ages and countries did females show a preference for males significantly younger than male preferences for females" and that there was a "consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men". A AARP study reported that 34% of women over 39 years old were dating younger men.^[19]

A study suggested that marriage of younger men by women is positively correlated with decreased longevity, particularly for the woman, though married individuals generally still have longer lifespans than singles.^[20]

Reasons for age disparity[edit]

There are complex and diverse reasons that people enter into age-disparate relationships, and a recent review in the Journal of Family Theory and Review showed vast differences across contexts.^[21] Explanations for age disparity usually focus on either the rational choice model or the analysis of demographic trends in a society.^[11] The rational choice model suggests that people look for partners who can provide for them in their life (bread-winners); as men earn more as they get older, women will therefore prefer older men.^[11] This factor is diminishing as more women enter the labor force. The demographic trends are concerned with the sex ratio in the society, the marriage squeeze, and migration patterns.^[11] Another explanation concerns cultural values: the higher the value placed in having children, the higher the age gap will be.^[14] Yet Canadian researchers have found that age-disparate couples are less likely to have children than similarly aged ones.^[22] As people have chosen to marry later and remarriage becomes more common, the age differences between couples have increased as well.^[11][17]

In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor.^[23] One of the concerns of relationships with age disparities in some cultures is a perceived difference between people of different age ranges. These differences may be sexual, financial or social. Gender roles may complicate this even further. Socially, a society with a difference in wealth distribution between older and younger people may affect the dynamics of the relationship.^[24]

Although the "cougar" trend, in which older women date much younger men, is often portrayed in the media as a widespread and established facet of modern Western culture, at least one academic study has found the concept to be a "myth". A British psychological study published in Evolution and Human Behavior in concluded that men and women, in general, continued to follow traditional gender roles when searching for mates.^[25] The study found that, as supported by other academic studies, most men preferred younger, "attractive" women, while most women, of any age, preferred successful, established men their age or older. The study found very few instances of older women pursuing much younger men and vice versa.^[26] The study has been criticized, however, for limiting their results to online dating profiles, which are traditionally not used by those seeking older or younger partners, and for excluding the United States from the study.^[27][28][29]

Evolutionary perspective[edit]

Evolutionary approach[edit]

The evolutionary approach, based on the theories of Charles Darwin, attempts to explain age disparity in sexual relationships in terms of natural selection and sexual selection.^[30][31] Within sexual selection, Darwin identified a further two mechanisms which are important factors in the evolution of sex differences (sexual dimorphism): intrasexual selection (involves competition with those of the same sex over access to mates) and intersexual choice (discriminative choice of mating partners).^[32]Life history theory^[33] (that includes Parental Investment Theory)^[34] provides an explanation for the above mechanisms and strategies adopted by individuals, leading to age disparity in relationships. Life history theory posits that individuals have to divide energy and resources between activities (as energy and resources devoted to one task cannot be used for another task) and this is shaped by natural selection.^[35]

Parental Investment Theory refers to the value that is placed on a potential mate based on reproductive potential and reproductive investment. The theory predicts that preferred mate choices have evolved to focus on reproductive potential and reproductive investment of members of the opposite sex.^[34] This theory predicts both intrasexual selection and intersexual choice due to differences in parental investment; typically there is competition among members of the lower investing sex (generally males) over the parental investment of the higher investing sex (generally females) who will be more selective in their mate choice. However, human males tend to have more parental investment compared to mammal males (although females still tend to have more parental investment).^[36] Thus, both sexes will have to compete and be selective in mate choices. These two theories explain why natural and sexual selection acts slightly differently on the two sexes so that they display different preferences. For example, different age preferences may be a result of sex differences in mate values assigned to the opposite sex at those ages.^[34]

A study conducted by David Buss investigated sex differences in mate preferences in 37 cultures with 10, participants. In all 37 cultures it was found that males preferred females younger than themselves and females preferred males older than themselves. These age preferences were confirmed in marriage records with males marrying females younger than them and vice versa.^[37] A more recent study has supported these findings, conducted by Schwarz and Hassebrauck.^[38] This study used 21, participants between 18 and 65 years of age who were not involved in a close relationship. As well as asking participants a number of questions on mate selection criteria, they also had to provide the oldest and youngest partner they would accept. It was found that for all ages males were willing to accept females that are slightly older than they are (on average years older), but they accept females considerably younger than their own age (on average 10 years younger). Females demonstrate a complementary pattern, being willing to accept older males (on average 8 years older) and were also willing to accept males younger than themselves (on average 5 years younger). This is somewhat different to our close evolutionary relatives: chimpanzees. Male chimpanzees tend to prefer older females than younger and it is suggested that specific cues of female mate value are very different to humans.^[39]

Male preference for younger females[edit]

Buss attributed the male preference for younger females to certain youthful cues. In females, relative youth and apparent physical attractiveness (which males valued more compared to females) demonstrated cues for fertility and high reproductive capacity.^[37] Buss stated the specific age preference of around 25 years implied that fertility was a stronger ultimate cause of mate preference than reproductive value as data suggested that fertility peaks in females around mids.^[37] From a life history theory perspective, females that display these cues are judged to be more capable of reproductive investment.^[40] This notion of age preference due to peak fertility is supported by Kenrick, Keefe, Gabrielidis, and Cornelius's study, which found that although teenage males would accept a mate slightly younger than they are, there was a wider range of preference for ages above their own. Teenage males also report that their ideal mates would be several years older than they are.^[41]

Buss and Schmitt^[42] stress that although long-term mating relationships are common for humans, there are both short-term and long-term mating relationships. Buss and Schmitt provided a Sexual Strategies Theory that describes the two sexes as having evolved distinct psychological mechanisms that underlie the strategies for short- and long-term mating. This theory is directly relevant and compatible with those two already mentioned, Life History and Parental Investment.^[43][44] Males tend to appear oriented towards short-term mating (greater desire for short-term mates than women, prefer larger number of sexual partners, and take less time to consent to sexual intercourse^[44]) and this appears to solve a number of adaptive problems including using fewer resources to access a mate.^[42] Although there are a number of reproductive advantages to short-term mating, males still pursue long-term mates, and this is due to the possibility of monopolizing a female's lifetime reproductive resources.^[42] Consistent with findings, for both short-term and long-term mates, males prefer younger females (reproductively valuable).^[42][45]

Female preference for older males[edit]

As they are the higher-investing sex, females tend to be slightly more demanding when picking a mate (as predicted by parental investment theory).^[36] They also tend to have a more difficult task of evaluating a male's reproductive value accurately based on physical appearance, as age tends to have fewer constraints on a male's reproductive resources.^[40]Buss attributed the older age preference to older males displaying characteristics of high providing-capacity^[37] such as status and resources.^[38] In terms of short-term and long-term mating, females tend to be oriented towards long-term mating due to the costs incurred from short-term mating.^[42] Although some of these costs will be the same for males and females (risk of STIs and impairing long term mate value), the costs for women will be more severe due to paternity uncertainty (cues of multiple mates will be disfavoured by males).^[42]

In contrast to above, in short-term mating, females will tend to favour males that demonstrate physical attractiveness, as this displays cues of "good genes".^[42] Cues of good genes tend to be typically associated with older males^[47] such as facial masculinity and cheek-bone prominence.^[48] Buss and Schmitt found similar female preferences for long-term mating which supports the notion that, for long-term relationships, females prefer cues of high resource capacity, one of which is age.^[42]

Dataclysm’s study identified that women tend to find men approximately their own age most desirable, e.g. 21 year old women found 23 year old men most attractive.^{[citation needed]}

Cross-cultural differences[edit]

Cross-culturally, research has consistently supported the trend in which males prefer to mate with younger females, and females with older males.^[32] In a cross-cultural study that covered 37 countries,^[49] preferences for age differences were measured and research supported the theory that people prefer to marry close to the age when female fertility is at its highest (24–25 years). Analysing the results further, cross culturally, the average age females prefer to marry is years old, and they prefer a mate years older than themselves, therefore their preferred mate would be aged years of age. Males however prefer to marry when they are years old, and a female to be years younger than themselves, yielding their preferred mate to be years old. The results from the study therefore show that the mean preferred marriage age difference ( years averaging male and female preferred age) corresponds very closely with the actual mean marriage age difference (). The preferred age of females is years and the actual average age females marry is years old (and for males) which actually falls directly on the age where females are most fertile, however, this assumes this people are having children immediately after marrying. Moreover, these patterns fit many proposed explanations for age differences: evolutionarily adapted mating preferences, socialisation, and gendered economic differences.^[21]

The United Nations Marriage Statistics Department measures the Singulate Mean Age Marriage (SMAM) difference, the difference in average age at first marriage between men and women, across the main regions in the world (refer to Table. 1).^[46]

Larger than average age-gaps[edit]

However, in some regions of the world there is a substantially larger age gap between marriage partners in that males are much older than their wife (or wives) or women are much younger than their husband (or husbands). A theory that can explain this finding from an evolutionary perspective is the parasite-stress theory which explains that an increase of infectious disease can cause humans to evolve selectively according to these pressures. Evidence also shows that as disease risk gets higher, it puts a level of stress on mating selection and increases the use of polygamy.^[50]

Table 2 shows that 17 of the 20 countries with the largest age-gaps between spouses practice polygyny, and that males range from to years older than their partners. In regions such as Sub-Saharan Africa the use of polygyny is commonly practiced as a consequence of high sex-ratios (more males per females) and passing on heterozygous (diverse) genetics from different females to offspring.^[51] When disease is prevalent, if a male is producing offspring with a more diverse range of alleles, offspring will be more likely to withstand mortality from disease and continue the family line. Another reason that polygynous communities have larger age-gaps between spouses is that intrasexual competition for females increases as fewer females remain on the marriage market (with males having more than one wife each), therefore the competitive advantage values younger females due to their higher reproductive value.^[52] As the competition for younger women becomes more common, the age in females' first marriage lower as older men seek younger and younger females.

Smaller than average age-gaps[edit]

In Western societies such as the US and Europe, there is a trend of smaller age-gaps between spouses, reaching its peak average in Southern Europe of years. Using the same pathogen-stress model, there is a lower prevalence of disease in these economically developed areas, and therefore a reduced stress on reproduction for survival. Additionally, it is common to see monogamous relationships widely in more modern societies as there are more women in the marriage market and polygamy is illegal throughout most of Europe and the United States.

As access to education increases worldwide, the age of marriage increases with it, with more of the youth staying in education for longer. The mean age of marriage in Europe is well above 25, and averaging at 30 in Nordic countries, however this may also be due to the increase of cohabitation in European countries. In some countries in Europe such as France, Netherlands, United Kingdom, Norway, Estonia, Finland and Denmark, 20–30% of women aged 20–34 are cohabiting as opposed to legally marrying.^[53] In addition to this with the gender pay gap decreasing, more women work equal hours (average of 40 hours in Europe and the US) to males and looking less for males with financial resources.^[53]

In regions such as the Caribbean and Latin America there is a lower SMAM difference than expected; however, there are also a large proportion of partners living in consensual unions; 24% in Brazil, 20% in Nicaragua and 18% in Dominican Republic.^[54]

A study suggested that age disparity in marriage is positively correlated with decreased longevity, particularly for women, though married people still have longer lifespans than singles.^[20]

Social perspectives[edit]

Social structural origin theory[edit]

Social structural origin theory argues that the underlying cause of sex-differentiated behaviour is the concentration of men and women in differing roles in society. It has been argued that a reason gender roles are so prevalent in society is that the expectations of gender roles can become internalised in a person's self-concept and personality.^[55] In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor, challenging evolutionary explanations.^[56] In regard to mate selection, social structural theory supports the idea that individuals aim to maximise what they can provide in the relationship in an environment that is limiting their utilities through expected gender roles in society and marriage.^[57]

It is thought that a trade-off or equilibrium is reached, in regard to what each gender brings to the mating partnership, and that this equilibrium is most likely to be reached with a trade-off of ages when selecting a mate.^[58] Women trade youth and physical attractiveness for economic security in their male partner.^[59] This economic approach to choosing a partner ultimately depends on the marital or family system that is adopted by society. Women and men tend to seek a partner that will fit in with their society's sexual division of labour. For example, a marital system based on males being the provider and females the domestic worker, favours an age gap in the relationship. An older male is more likely to have more resources to provide to the family.^[57]

The rational choice model[edit]

The rational choice model also suggests that people look for partners who can provide for them in their life (bread-winners); as men traditionally earn more as they get older, women will therefore prefer older men.^[60] This factor is diminishing as more women enter the labour force and the gender pay gap decreases.^[60]

Age-hypogamy in relationships[edit]

Age-hypogamy defines a relationship where the woman is the older partner, the opposite of this being age-hypergamy.^[61] Marriage between partners of roughly similar age is known as "age homogamy".^[62]

Older female–younger male relationships are increasingly researched by social scientists.^{[61][63][64][65][66]} Slang terms such as "cougar" have been used in films, TV shows and the media to depict older females with younger male mates. The picture often displays a stereotypical pairing of a divorced, middle-aged, white, affluent female dating a younger male with the relationship taking the form of a non-commitment arrangement between the partners.^[67]

Although age-hypogamous relationships have historically been very infrequent, recent US census data has shown an increase in age-hypogamous relationships from % in to % in ^[68]

There may be many reasons why age-hypogamous relationships have been less frequent until recently. Sexual double standards in society, in particular, may account for their rarity.^[61] In many contexts, ageing in women is seen to be associated with decreased sex appeal and dating potential.^[69]

There is debate in the literature as to what leads to age-hypogamy in sexual relationships. A number of variables have been argued to influence the likelihood of women entering into an age-hypogamous relationship, such as racial or ethnic background, level of education, income, marital status, conservatism, age, and number of sexual partners.^[61] For example, US Census data show an exaggerated sex ratio in African American communities, whereby there were African American women for every 89 African American men.^[70] It was shown that African American women were more likely to be in age-hypogamous or age-hypergamous marriages in comparison with White American women.^[71] However, more recent evidence has found that women belonging to racial categories besides African American or White were more likely to sleep with younger men,^[61] showing that it is still unclear which, if any, ethnic groups are more likely to have age-hypogamous relationships.

Another example illustrating the varying literature surrounding age-hypogamous relationships is research indicating that a woman's marital status can influence her likelihood of engaging in age-hypogamous relationships. Married women are less likely to be partnered with younger men compared to non-married women.^[72] More recent findings suggest that previously married women are more likely to engage in an age-hypogamous sexual relationships compared to women who are married or who have never been married.^[61]

Despite social views depicting age-hypogamous relationships as short lived, a study from Psychology of Women Quarterly has found that women in age-hypogamous relationships are more satisfied and the most committed in their relationships compared to younger women or similarly aged partners.^[73][74] It has also been suggested that male partners engaging in age-hypogamous relationships are choosing beauty over age. A recent study found that when shown pictures of women of ages ranging from 20–45 with different levels of apparent attractiveness, regardless of age, men chose the more "attractive" individuals as long term partners.^[75]

"Half-your-age-plus-seven" rule[edit]

Graph of the half-age-plus-seven rule

An often-asserted rule of thumb to determine whether an age difference is socially acceptable holds that a person should never date someone whose age is less than half their own plus seven years.^{[76][77][78][79]} According to this rule, a year-old would date no one younger than 21 (half of 28, plus 7) and a year-old would date no one younger than 32 (half of 50, plus 7).

Although the provenance of the rule is unclear, it is sometimes said to have originated in France.^[77] The half-your-age-plus seven rule appears in John Fox, Jr.'s The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come in ,^[80] in American newspapers in attributed to Maurice Chevalier,^[81] and in The Autobiography of Malcolm X,^[82] attributed to Elijah Muhammad.

In earlier sources, the rule sometimes had a different interpretation than in contemporary times. Not only was it gender-specific, it was presented as a formula to calculate the ideal age of a female partner at the beginning of a relationship, instead of a lower limit. Frederick Locker-Lampson's Patchwork from states the opinion "A wife should be half the age of her husband with seven years added."^[83]Max O'Rell's Her Royal Highness Woman from gives the rule in the format "A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven."^[84] A similar interpretation is also present in the play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert: "Haven't you ever heard that the girl is supposed to be half the man's age, plus seven?"^[85]

A study in found that the rule was fairly accurate at predicting the minimum age of a woman that a man would marry or date. However, the rule was not found to be predictive of the minimum age of a man that a woman would marry or date, nor (by reversing the formula) of the maximum age that either sex would marry or date.^[76]

Slang terms[edit]

Partner age disparities are typically met with some disdain in industrialized nations, and there are various derogatory terms for participants in these relationships.

In English-speaking countries, where financial disparity, and a money-for-companionship exchange, is perceived as central to these relationships, the elder of the two partners (perceived as the richer) is often called a "sugar daddy" or "sugar mama", depending on their gender. The younger of the two is similarly called the sugar baby. In extreme cases, a person who marries into an extremely wealthy family can be labelled a gold digger, especially where the wealthy partner is of extreme age or in poor health; this term most often describes women but can be applied to any gender.^[86]

An attractive younger woman pursued by a wealthy man who is perceived as wanting her only for her appearance or as a status symbol may be called a trophy wife.^[87] The opposite term, "trophy husband", does not have an agreed upon use, but is becoming more common: some use the term to refer to the attractive stay-at-home husband of a much more famous woman; others use it to refer to the husband of a trophy wife, as he is her trophy due to his wealth and prestige^{[citation needed]}. In the latter case, the term trophy is broadened to include any substantial difference in power originating from physical appearance, wealth, or status. The trophy label is often perceived as objectifying the partner, with or without the partner's implicit consent.

Where the primary perceived reason for a relationship with a significant age difference is sexual, many gender-specific terms have become popular in English-speaking cultures. A woman of middle to elderly age who pursues younger men is a cougar or puma, and a man in a relationship with an older woman is often called a boytoy, toyboy, himbo, gigolo, or cub. In reverse, the terms rhino, trout and manther (a play on the panther term for women) are generally used to label an older man pursuing younger women, and the younger woman in such a relationship may be called a kitten or panther.^[88] If the woman is extremely young, the man may be labelled a cradle-snatcher (UK)^[89] or cradle robber (US)^[90] In gay slang, the term chickenhawk may be used. If the much-younger target of affections is not of the legal age of consent, the term jailbait may be applied to them, cautioning older partners against involvement. An older term for any licentious or lascivious man is a lecher. That term and its shortening, lech, have come to commonly describe an elderly man who makes passes at much younger women.^{[citation needed]}

See also[edit]

References[edit]

Further reading[edit]

• Alarie, Milaine; Carmichael, Jason T. (). ""The "Cougar phenomenon: An Examination of the Factors That Influence Age-Hypogamous Sexual Relationships Among Middle-Aged Women". Journal of Marriage and Family. 77 (5): – doi/jomf
• Berardo, F. M., Appel, J., & Berardo, D. H. (). Age dissimilar marriages: Review and assessment. Journal of Aging Studies, 7, 93– doi/(93)G
• Buss, D. M. (). The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology, Foundation. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
• Buss, D. M. (). "Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures". Behavioral and Brain Sciences. 12 (1): 1– doi/sx
• Buss, D. M.; Barnes, M. (). "Preferences in human mate selection". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 50 (3): doi/
• McKenzie, Lara (). "Age-dissimilar couple relationships: 25 years in review". Journal of Family Theory and Review. 13 (4): – doi/jftr
• Schwartz, C. R. (). "Trends and variation in assortative mating: Causes and consequences". Annual Review of Sociology, 39, – doi/annurev-soc
• Timeus, I.M.; Reynar, A. (). "Polygynists and their wives in sub-Saharan Africa: an analysis of five Demographic and Health Surveys". Population Studies. 52 (2): – doi/

Jason Momoa and wife Lisa Bonet made headlines last week when Momoa recalled how he was a "nervous wreck" when he initially asked Bonet out on a date. Momoa was just 26 years old at the time, and approaching Bonet, who is 12 years his senior, was intimidating.

“ When you meet someone you’re completely infatuated with and then find out she’s amazing, intelligent, and funny and she’s a goddess and you’re a degenerate,” he told Men's Health. Momoa worked up the nerve and the two have been together since.

What is it about older women? It still seems more common for men to seek out younger women, but one of TODAY's most-read stories continues to be this post on why younger men fall for older women. We've celebrated the long-term relationships between actor Hugh Jackman, who is 13 years younger than wife Deborra-Lee Furness. Then there's French President Emmanuel Macron, and his wife Brigitte, who is 24 years older.

But it's not only younger famous men who understand the attraction to mature women.

In "Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance," authors Felicia Brings and Susan Winter interviewed more than men to discover the allure of the so-called "Mrs. Robinson syndrome." You'll be surprised at what men find appealing about older women.

"I'd do it again? Definitely, no question. Oh yeah, and once you've done it, you definitely look at older women in another way."—Nick, 33

We've made our position known and shared the thoughts and experiences of the women to whom we talked. Now it's time to let the men speak for themselves. One important question we asked was what they felt an older woman has to offer. Here are some answers which are clear, articulate and to the point. Their sentiments represent a very large proportion of the opinions we heard expressed.

"I met Karolina at a party given by some friends. When I saw her, I thought she was just the perfect woman for me and I was sure about that. I wasn't looking for an older woman and Karolina wasn't looking for a younger man, but it just happened. (I was 39 and she was 55 then.) Our relationship is unique, because it's not just built on sex, but on trust, respect and love. We are both morning people and nearly always in a good mood. We are both hard-working with many hobbies in common. In my opinion, age has nothing to do with our relationship. In our twenty-five years together, we have never had a serious problem and we are still very happy."—Paolo, 64

"Pat is very special. Not only is she beautiful, but she has a wonderful sense of humor and is very giving. The ability to talk about anything with her was refreshing and engaging. In fact, when I first met her, I didn't know I was attracted to an 'older' woman. I knew she was older than I, but I didn't realize the disparity in age until she told me (which didn't happen until a couple of dates into our relationship). Pat offered me space, devotion and herself, which I couldn't find in anyone else. I take better care of myself now. She is a best friend who reflects back to me what a good person I am, which builds my confidence and self-esteem. I now have a better job and feel better about myself than ever before."—Neil, 35

Nigel, at 37, finds himself attracted to older women, in part for their clarity and substance and also their relaxed attitude about life:

"I find that I'm attracted to a woman who has some degree of self-possession. I like the stimulation of a sharp intellect. I enjoy sitting down to dinner with someone who has a level of conversation I can appreciate and enjoy. I think younger women are sometimes too focused on starting families and that is rarely an issue with older women. I've always had relationships with older women. They know themselves. They have so much more to offer and they are looking for different things. They are not just looking for guys who will be good fathers and providers. Older women can be more playful. They are more relaxed. It's really a personality thing for me regarding what is attractive. I enjoy a confident attitude and older women definitely have the upper hand in that area."

Dan, age 24, also expressed a similar theme:

"When I meet a woman over 30, she's usually very clear and focused. She knows what she wants in life and it makes being with her so much easier. I look at a lot of my friends who have girlfriends their age and younger and the problems they have strike me as ridiculous. They frequently act foolish and immature. I don't have time for that behavior—that's why I like mature women."

Related

That life experience is sexy was also a repeated theme:

"Just the fact that there's so much to learn from an older woman, that they have so many more life experiences to draw upon, is an adventure to me. It's like a rush."—Vincent, 31

Some young men saw themselves reflected back in an older woman and realized the woman's own specialness:

"She was very beautiful and caring and we had similar interests. She offered me the opportunity to see another perspective on a lot of different issues. I mean, older women think differently on certain issues and they've got more experience. I grew up a lot with her. Yeah, definitely, she helped me to grow up. She made me realize how important I could be in making someone else happy. Not that I was doing it for her, but just being with her."—Art, 27

Fred, age 28, told us what qualities attracted him to older women: "The experiences in life that they've had make them more grounded and realistic."

When asked what a mature woman offered him that he couldn't find in a younger woman, Fred answered: "Emotional stability. Need I say more? There have been nothing but positives in my relationships with two older women. They were able to see things in me that I could not see in myself. Also, there were levels of honesty unlike anything I've experienced even with best friends."

Fred gave us a wealth of information over several interviews. Open, upbeat and extremely handsome, he revealed the enormous love and respect he shared with his former partner and now shares with his current partner.

Fred's first older-woman experience occurred when he was 21 years old and Gretchen was They lived together for two years. They are both still very close and see each other regularly. Not only did they have a tremendous friendship as the basis of their relationship, but an extraordinary sex life as well. Recently, this woman underwent major surgery and it was her ex-boyfriend Fred, not the woman's current older boyfriend, who was by her side. Gretchen, now 44, was involved with a man of 51 and he was simply too busy with work and personal commitments to be available when she really needed him. It was Fred who visited her on a regular basis and saw to it that she had what she needed during her recuperation.

After his relationship with Gretchen ended, Fred tried dating girls in their early 20s. He explained, often quite humorously, how ridiculous he felt trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club. His brief experimentation with younger females only reaped endless head games, confusion and immature behavior. Resolutely, Fred abandoned the "young woman trial period." He knew he liked older women and that was his standard. He decided this time to accept it.

His next relationship was with Marla, a co-worker. They were great friends and then she began to pursue him. Why not? he thought. She was older. Maybe it would work. But Marla's flaw seemed to be that she was only five years older — and for Fred, that still wasn't enough to produce the kind of emotional maturity and depth for which he searched.

After a year or so of taking a "time-out," Fred met Lynne. She is 10 years older. Fred's respect and appreciation of older women was clear when he spoke:

"The way mature women carry themselves shows they know who they are. It equates to stability. They've already figured out who they are. Maybe not all the time, but a lot more often than younger women. They are all-around much more attractive to me.

"Also, they are much more experienced with life. You know this is the kind of person who's going to tell you exactly what they want and they are more sure of themselves than the people my age or younger. Older women are much more well rounded — they know what they feel and why they feel it.

"It's easier to have a relationship with an older woman, because she knows how to communicate what she wants. It has a snowball effect all the way around.

"I have a preference for women starting at about 10 years older than myself and up. It's adventurous for both of us, because it's a whole new exciting journey. Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do."

Not all older woman/younger man relationships last forever, but Fred's answer to how he handled the ending of his relationship with an older woman was especially insightful: "I went on with my life and took with me many memories and experiences that made me mentally and emotionally rich. I considered it a hell of a jump start on life."

Certainly, there are challenges for the men as well as the women in these relationships. For example, the issue of having or not having children came up repeatedly:

"My first relationship with an older woman — I was 20 and she was 36 — lasted two and a half years. My second — I was 28 and she was 41 — lasted three years and we lived together for one year. The main thing that attracted me was the overall calm of an older woman. There is a frenetic energy with a younger woman that can be very exciting and very cute, but not for my personality. Neither of my relationships was about being mothered. Both women were professionals, very focused on their work lives and extremely confident and sure of themselves. That was very attractive to me."—Lenny, 38

Ultimately, Lenny's last relationship ended when he wanted children and his partner of 43 did not.

Of course, the issue of "Will I want children later on?" has become a less significant challenge to a relationship between older women and younger men than it has been in the past. In vitro fertilization by donor eggs and other reproductive methods have greatly changed the fertility prognosis for older women. Pregnancy at ages once reserved for "miracles" is now a medical possibility.

Other challenges for the younger men occurred in the form of disapproval and criticism from friends and colleagues similar, although not as severe, to what the older women experienced.

"I got more of a reaction from men than women. The men my age and older were jealous that I was with her. They would look at me as if I had something they wanted and didn't have and, because I was younger, they reacted more strongly. And women my age disapproved of the relationship.

"Every morning, I would wake up happy and feel like I had the world on a string. I guess some of these people thought I was trying to prove something — I wasn't. Our relationship just made me feel great. She was great! I was proud of who she was and what we had together."—Barry, 26

Overall, however, it seems that such criticism is not as big an obstacle for men in these relationships as for women. In fact, some men received support and admiration from peers and co-workers.

"Friends and colleagues all admired my decision to have a relationship with a mature woman. They respected what I had with her, which was an emotional connection with an experienced, centered person. Most people's reactions have been good. There have been no negative attitudes or comments given to me that stick out in my head. Actually, many people have asked my partner and me for advice."—Patrick, 34

Related

Sex with an older woman

The men to whom we talked spoke about the advantages of being in relationships with older women in terms of the serenity and comfort, the growth opportunity and the honesty they were afforded. But more than any other advantage, they talked about the positive sexual relationships they experienced. They all commented that sex with older women was better.

"Negatives? What negatives? I cried, I laughed, I went back for more. The advantages can be summed up in two words: intense marathon."—Zach, 32

"Advantages of having sex with an older woman? Are you kidding? An older woman is more sure of herself and brings that to the relationship. She knows what she wants and how to communicate that to her partner. I like not having to worry about pregnancy and an unwanted child. I do not feel the desire to have one and the lack of anxiety over that issue is relieving. Lisa is also in her prime and we have the most intense sexual relations I have ever had."—Gary, 39

"The biggest advantage is that they know what they want so there's no guesswork. You may try to please them and they'll tell you if it isn't working. I loved it. That's a turn on. Absolutely no negatives about sex? it was the best. The best!"—Scott, 25

"Phenomenal! The sex was important — but I was really concerned about what she needed and desired. She would take over and go from there. It made things a hell of a lot easier, because we were just there to have fun. It was like breaking through a major barrier that takes other people forever to figure out. There was a 'click' sexually. It was easy and it was great!"—Russ, 29

"If I look at a girl in her 20s, I might find her attractive, but thoughts are only on sex. I can't really do anything with her. She's not formed yet. She's like a lump of cold clay—very pretty clay, but still unshaped. When I look at older women, I see real women. They feel like women. They are solid. Their bodies are solid. Their thoughts have solidified. A relationship with an older woman can be very rewarding."—Mel, 32

"I learned how to make love to a woman. She took me by the hand and said, 'Slow down.' I mean, I was 20 — and at 20 you're just so happy to actually be doing it? You never think about how."—Rick, 27

"The only reason I'm interested in young women is strictly physical — I haven't met one in the last year or two who has the maturity that I'm looking for these days. Older women have definitely changed my taste as to who I'm attracted to. With most young women, I'm bored to death. Bored to death."—Lenny, 38

"In a relationship, there is an intellectual component, a grounding component and a physical component. The physical is very important for a man? the sexual side is a big thing. It makes sense when you think about it? the greatest sex in my life has been with older partners. Even when it's early in the relationship, it's still much deeper."—Michael, 35

Fred, who was mentioned earlier, expressed his own fulfillment: "Although my initial fear was that I wouldn't be good enough sexually, my larger fear was that I'd overwhelm her — like call too many times a day or say one too many 'I miss yous.' Instead, our mutual pleasure went from one high to another."

Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone years their junior or senior.

While there is variation across cultures in the size of the difference in age-gap couples, all cultures demonstrate the age-gap couple phenomenon. In some non-Western countries, the average age gap is much larger than in Western countries. For example, in some African countries about 30 per cent of unions reflect a large age gap.

So does age matter? And do couples with large age gaps experience poorer (or better) relationship outcomes compared to couples of similar ages?

How many relationships have a big age gap?

Across Western countries, about 8 per cent of all married heterosexual couples can be classified as having a large age gap (10 years or more). These generally involve older men partnered with younger women. About 1 per cent of age-gap couples involve an older woman partnered with a younger man.

The limited evidence on same-sex couples, however, suggests the prevalence rates are higher. About 25 per cent of male-male unions and 15 per cent of female-female unions demonstrate a large age gap.

But what these trends tell us is that the majority of the population is likely to partner with someone of similar age. This largely has to do with having social circles that generally include peers of similar ages and being attracted to others who are similar. Similarity entails many things, including personality, interests and values, life goals and stage of life, and physical traits (age being a marker of physical appearance).

Why doesn't age matter to some?

Many of the reasons proposed for age-gap couples have been largely rooted in evolutionary explanations, and focus on explaining older man-younger woman pairings.

From this perspective, it's thought men's preferences for younger women and women's preferences for older men relate to reproductive fitness. That is, the extent to which someone has "good genes" — indicated by their attractiveness and sense of energy (also known as vitality) — and the extent to which they are a "good investment" — indicated by their status and resources as well as their warmth and sense of trust.

Although men and women place importance on a partner who is warm and trustworthy, women place more importance on the status and resources of their male partner. This is largely because, with women being the child bearers, the investment is very high on their behalf (time and effort in child bearing and rearing). So they are attuned to looking for a partner who will also invest resources into a relationship and family.

In couples with an age gap it's more likely the woman is younger. This is probably because women place more importance on resources and men on fertility.

But because the building of resources takes time, we tend to acquire resources later in life and so are older by the time we have acquired enough wealth and resources to comfortably provide for others. So, women being attuned to status and resources might explain why some women may be attracted to older men.

In contrast, there's evidence to suggest men value attractiveness and vitality more than women because, from an evolutionary standpoint, youth is seen as an indicator of fertility. Given men cannot bear children, evolution suggests they're attuned to younger women to enhance the chances of partnering with someone who can provide children.

But the evolutionary explanation is limited in that it doesn't explain why the reverse occurs (an older woman-younger man pairing), or why age gaps exist within same-sex couples.

For this, socio-cultural explanations might provide insights.

With more women now working in higher positions and being paid more, they no longer have such a reliance on men for resources. So, fewer women will prioritise resources when looking for a mate.

As for same-sex couples, there's very little research. Some suggest a lack of, or a reduced pool of, suitable age-similar mates may bring about same-sex coupling with large age differences.

What are the relationship outcomes for age-gap couples?

Many people assume age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples. Over three-quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men report satisfying romantic relationships.

A factor that does impact on the relationship outcomes of age-gap couples is their perceptions of social disapproval. That is, if people in age-gap couples believe their family, friends and wider community disapprove of their union, then relationship commitment decreases and the risk of break-up increases.

These effects appear to apply to heterosexual and same-sex couples. So the negative outcomes for age-gap couples seem to reside not in problems within the couple, but in pressures and judgments from the outside world.

Another factor at play may have to do with the stage of life each partner is experiencing. For instance, a year gap between a year-old and a year-old may bring up different challenges and issues than for a year gap where one partner is 53 and the other is

This is because our lives are made up of different stages, and each stage consists of particular life tasks we need to master.

And we give priority to the mastery of different tasks during these distinct stages of our lives. So when each member of a couple straddles a different life stage, it may be difficult for the couple to reconcile each other's differing life needs and goals.

Does age matter?

The success of a relationship depends on the extent to which partners share similar values, beliefs and goals about their relationship; support each other in achieving personal goals; foster relationship commitment, trust and intimacy; and resolve problems in constructive ways. These factors have little do with age.

So the reality is, while an age gap may bring about some challenges for couples, so long as couples work at their relationship, age should be no barrier.

Gery Karantzas is an associate professor in social psychology and relationship science at Deakin University. This piece first appeared on The Conversation.

But Chelsea says there are benefits to a generational gap. “Everyone thinks that some sort of power imbalance in a relationship is hot, even if they don’t admit it,” Chelsea said. “One thing that’s cool about dating someone younger is that I don’t have to deal with, like, DVRs and shit. When you date someone from a generation that doesn’t remember dial-up, they just fix all of that Internet stuff for you. It’s fabulous. She also keeps me in the know about who the new cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to figure out by myself.”

But then sometimes an age gap can make you feel like you’re from different planets. “Sometimes I definitely feel old, like when my girlfriend says, ‘Who’s Fiona Apple?’ And for queer people specifically, the difference in dating people of different generations is huge, because we’ve had drastically different experiences of growing up. If you’re a gay person in your 20s, Ellen was out for your whole life. If you’re in your 50s, you remember all your friends dying of AIDS. Often younger people have less queer trauma.”

And then you have to deal with all the haters. Age-gap relationships come with a certain amount of stigma, and that external skepticism can start to infiltrate your couple. Like, relationships are hard enough without your friends warning that your younger boyfriend is “using you.” Chelsea recalled, “In my previous relationship, when I had to tell my parents that I was dating someone nearly 30 years older than me, that was obviously stressful. The age thing definitely freaks people out. People would shout stuff at us on the street, or mistake her for my mother, which always totally weirded me out.”

Also, there are physical realities. “When you’re dating a young hot person, you’re suddenly like fuck—I have to go to the gym,” Chelsea said. But her biggest anxiety is longevity. “I definitely have anxieties about my younger girlfriend outgrowing this relationship, because that’s a risk when you have an age gap.”

It’s not surprising that dating a young person might highlight your insecurities about aging. Personally, the times I’ve dated guys six or so years younger than me, I worried at points that I was checking some “older woman” box for them. A novelty fuck, if you will. While it was an ego boner to be desired by someone with eerily smooth skin who wanted to fuck nine times a day, it also shined a light on my own stupid, petty insecurities. Like the time I stalked one Younger Guy’s Instagram, obsessing over whether the girls in his photos looked younger than me. It was très tragique, but I couldn’t help myself.

It’s pretty common to date someone who’s a few years younger or older than you, and often the age difference is no big deal. Sometimes, maturity levels match, even when ages don’t. But when the age difference is bigger, there are other things to consider.

An age difference of a few years may not seem like an issue, but things such as expectations, priorities and general interests can change quickly as you get older.

Here are a few things that can affect relationships where there’s a big age difference:

• Power: there may be a power difference between you, especially if you’re at different stages in life (for example, one of you is in high school and the other is working full time). The older person may speak for the younger person or take a bigger role in making decisions. The younger person may find it more difficult to voice their opinion, especially when it comes to their concerns about the relationship. Age isn’t the only factor affecting power. Gender, race and economic background can also play a role in relationship dynamics.
• Sexual readiness: a big part of feeling good about your sexuality is being able to explore it at your own pace. When there’s a difference in age, the older person may have more experience and want to do things the younger person isn’t ready for. The younger person may feel pressured to have sex or do other sexual activities, which is never OK.
• Legal stuff: there are legal issues attached to age and sexual relationships. In Canada, the age of consent to sexual activity is The “close in age” rule means that:
  • and year-olds can be sexual with people who are no more than two years older than them
  • and year-olds can be sexual with people who are no more than five years older than them

If you’re approached by someone who’s a lot older than you, it’s important to consider the legal issues, but you can also ask yourself:

• Can I see myself in an equal, respectful relationship with this person? Or are they likely to have more power than I will?
• What are this person’s motives?
• Does this person have my best interests in mind?

Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone years their junior or senior.

While there is variation across cultures in the size of the difference in age-gap couples, all cultures demonstrate the age-gap couple phenomenon. In some non-Western countries, the average age gap is much larger than in Western countries. For example, in some African countries about 30 per cent of unions reflect a large age gap.

So does age matter? And do couples with large age gaps experience poorer (or better) relationship outcomes compared to couples of similar ages?

How many relationships have a big age gap?

Across Western countries, about 8 per cent of all married heterosexual couples can be classified as having a large age gap (10 years or more). These generally involve older men partnered with younger women. About 1 per cent of age-gap couples involve an older woman partnered with a younger man.

The limited evidence on same-sex couples, however, suggests the prevalence rates are higher. About 25 per cent of male-male unions and 15 per cent of female-female unions demonstrate a large age gap.

But what these trends tell us is that the majority of the population is likely to partner with someone of similar age. This largely has to do with having social circles that generally include peers of similar ages and being attracted to others who are similar. Similarity entails many things, including personality, interests and values, life goals and stage of life, and physical traits (age being a marker of physical appearance).

Why doesn't age matter to some?

Many of the reasons proposed for age-gap couples have been largely rooted in evolutionary explanations, and focus on explaining older man-younger woman pairings.

From this perspective, it's thought men's preferences for younger women and women's preferences for older men relate to reproductive fitness. That is, the extent to which someone has "good genes" — indicated by their attractiveness and sense of energy (also known as vitality) — and the extent to which they are a "good investment" — indicated by their status and resources as well black dating apps free membership their warmth and sense of trust.

Although men and women place importance on a partner who is warm and trustworthy, women place more importance on the status and resources of their male partner. This is largely because, with women being the child bearers, the investment is very high on their behalf (time and effort in child bearing and rearing). So they are attuned to looking for a partner who will also invest resources into a relationship and family.

In couples with an age gap it's more likely the woman is younger. This is probably because women place more importance on resources and men on fertility.

But because the building 24 year old guy dating 20 year old resources takes time, we tend to acquire resources later in life and so are older by the time we have acquired enough wealth and resources to comfortably provide for others. So, women being attuned to status and resources might explain why some women may be attracted to older men.

In contrast, there's evidence to suggest men value attractiveness and vitality more than women because, from an evolutionary standpoint, youth is seen as an indicator of fertility. Given men cannot bear children, evolution suggests they're attuned to younger women to enhance the chances of partnering with someone who can provide children.

But the evolutionary explanation is limited in that it doesn't explain why the reverse occurs (an older woman-younger man pairing), or why age gaps exist within same-sex couples.

For this, socio-cultural explanations might provide insights.

With more women now working in higher positions and being paid more, they no longer have such a reliance on men for resources. So, fewer women will prioritise resources when looking 24 year old guy dating 20 year old a mate.

As for same-sex couples, there's very little research. Some suggest a lack of, 24 year old guy dating 20 year old, or a reduced pool of, suitable age-similar mates may bring about same-sex coupling with large age differences.

What are the relationship outcomes for age-gap couples?

Many people assume age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples. Over three-quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men report satisfying romantic relationships.

A factor that does impact on the relationship outcomes of age-gap couples is their perceptions of social disapproval. That is, if people in age-gap couples believe their family, friends and wider community disapprove of their union, then relationship commitment decreases and the risk of break-up increases.

These effects appear to apply to heterosexual and same-sex couples. So the negative outcomes for age-gap couples seem to reside not in problems within the couple, but in pressures and judgments from the outside world.

Another factor at play may have to do with the stage of life each partner is experiencing. For instance, a year gap between a year-old and a year-old may bring up different challenges and issues than for a year gap where one partner is 53 and the other is

This is because 24 year old guy dating 20 year old lives are made up of different stages, and each stage consists of particular life tasks we need to master.

And we give priority to the mastery of different tasks 24 year old guy dating 20 year old these distinct stages of our lives. So when each member of a couple straddles a different life stage, it may be difficult for the couple to reconcile each other's differing life needs and goals.

Does age matter?

The success of a relationship depends on the extent to which partners share similar values, beliefs and goals about their relationship; support each other in achieving personal goals; foster relationship commitment, trust and intimacy; and resolve problems in constructive ways. These factors have little do with age.

So the reality is, while an age gap may bring about some challenges for couples, so long as couples work at their relationship, age should be no barrier.

Gery Karantzas is an associate professor in social psychology and relationship science at Deakin University. This piece first appeared on The Conversation.

In the more than two decades since the launch of commercial dating sites such as alovex.co, online dating has evolved into a multibillion-dollar industry serving customers around the world. A new Pew Research Center study explores how dating sites and apps have transformed the way Americans meet and develop relationships, and how the users of these services feel about online dating.

Here are 10 facts from the study, which is based on a survey conducted among 4, U.S. adults in October

1Three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used a dating site or app, but this varies significantly by age and sexual orientation. While 48% of to year-olds say have ever used a dating site or app, the share is 38% korean men dating black women those ages 30 to 49 and even lower for those dating site for anime fans and older (16%). At the same time, personal experiences with online dating greatly differ by sexual orientation. Lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) adults are roughly twice as likely as those who are straight to say they ever used a dating platform (55% vs. 28%).

2A small share of Americans say they have been in a committed relationship with or married someone they met through a dating site or app. About one-in-ten U.S. adults say this (12%), though these shares are higher among LGB adults, as well as those ages 18 to

3Roughly six-in-ten online daters (57%) say they have had an overall positive experience with these platforms, including 14% who describe their experience as very positive 24 year old guy dating 20 year old 43% who say it was somewhat positive. Fewer users – though still about four-in-ten – describe their online dating experience as at least somewhat negative, including 9% who describe it as very negative.

People’s assessments of their online dating experiences vary widely by socioeconomic factors. Around six-in-ten online daters with a bachelor’s or advanced degree (63%) say their experience has been very or somewhat positive, compared with 47% among those who have a high school diploma or less. The ratings online daters give their overall experience do not vary statistically by gender or race and ethnicity.

4While online daters dave kennedy dating site say their overall experience was positive, they also point out some of the downsides of online dating. By a wide margin, Americans who have used a dating site or app 24 year old guy dating 20 year old the past year say their recent experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%).

Other sentiments are more evenly balanced between positive and negative feelings. Some 35% of current or recent users say that in the past year online dating has made them feel more pessimistic, while 29% say these platforms left them feeling more optimistic. Similarly, 32% say online dating sites or apps made them feel more confident, whereas 25% say it left them feeling more insecure.

5Majorities of online daters say it was at least somewhat easy to find potentially compatible partners. Many online daters say they could find people on these platforms who they were physically attracted to, shared their hobbies and interests, seemed like someone they would want to meet in person or were looking for the same kind of relationship as them. At the same time, there are some gender differences in how hard or easy users say it was to find compatible partners.

For example, women who have ever used a dating site or app are more likely than men to say they have found it very or somewhat difficult to find people they were physical attracted to (36% vs. 21%) or who like someone they would want to meet in person (39% vs. 32%). By contrast, male users are more inclined than female users to say it was at least somewhat difficult to find people who shared their hobbies and interests (41% caught my girlfriend on a dating site. 30%).

6Women are more likely than men to categorize certain information as essential to see in other users’ profiles. Among online daters, 72% of 24 year old guy dating 20 year old say it was very important to them that the profiles they looked at included the type of relationship the person was looking for, 24 year old guy dating 20 year old, compared with about half of men (53%). Women who have online dated are also more likely than men to say it was very important to them that the profiles they looked through included a person’s religious beliefs (32% vs. 18%), occupation (27% vs. 8%) or height (22% vs. 8%).

Other gender differences – such as the importance of users including their hobbies and interests, their racial or ethnic background or their political affiliation – are more modest.

7There are stark gender differences in the amount of attention online daters say they received on these sites or apps. Overall, online daters are more likely to say they did not receive enough messages than to say they received too many, but users’ experiences vary by gender.

Roughly six-in-ten men who have online dated in the past five years (57%) say they feel as if they did not get enough messages, while just 24% of women say the same. Meanwhile, women who have online dated in this time period are five times as likely as men to think they were sent too many messages (30% vs. 6%).

8Younger women are especially likely to report having troublesome interactions on online dating platforms. About three-in-ten or more online dating users say someone continued to contact them on a dating site or app after they said they were not interested (37%), sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for (35%) or called them an offensive name (28%). About one-in-ten (9%) say another user has threated to physically harm them.

These rates are even higher among younger women. Six-in-ten female users ages 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while 57% report that another user has sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for. At the same time, 44% report that someone called them an offense name on a dating site or app, while 19% say they have had someone threaten to physically harm them.

9Americans have varying views about the safety of online dating. Roughly half of Americans overall (53%) say dating sites and apps are a very or somewhat safe way to meet people, while 46% believe they are not too or not at all safe.

Public perceptions about the safety of online dating vary substantially by personal experience. A majority of Americans who have ever used a dating site or app (71%) see online dating as a very or somewhat safe way to meet someone, compared with 47% of those who have never used these platforms.

Among the public as a whole, women are far more likely than men to say dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet people (53% vs. 39%). Views on this question also vary substantially by age, educational attainment and race and ethnicity.

10More than half of Americans (54%) say relationships that begin on a dating site or app are just as successful as those that begin in person. A smaller share of U.S. adults – though still about four-in-ten – say these kinds of relationships are less successful than relationships that begin in person.

At the same time, half of Americans say online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships. Smaller shares say these platforms have had a mostly positive (22%) or mostly negative effect (26%).

Note: Here are the questions used for this report, along with responses, and its methodology.

But Chelsea says there are benefits to a generational gap. “Everyone thinks that some sort of power imbalance in a relationship is hot, even if they don’t admit it,” Chelsea said. “One thing that’s cool about dating someone younger is that I don’t have to deal with, like, DVRs and shit. When you date someone from a generation that doesn’t remember dial-up, they just fix all of that Internet stuff for you. It’s fabulous. She also keeps me in the know about who the new cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to figure out by myself.”

But then sometimes an age gap can make you feel like you’re from different planets. “Sometimes I definitely feel old, 24 year old guy dating 20 year old, like when my girlfriend says, ‘Who’s Fiona Apple?’ And for queer people specifically, the difference in dating people of different generations is huge, because we’ve had drastically different experiences of growing up. If you’re a gay person in your 20s, Ellen was out for your whole life. If you’re in your 50s, you remember all your friends dying of AIDS. Often younger people have less queer trauma.”

And then you have to deal with all the haters. Age-gap relationships come with a certain amount of stigma, and that external skepticism can start to infiltrate your couple. Like, relationships are hard enough without your friends warning that your younger boyfriend is “using you.” Chelsea recalled, “In my previous relationship, when I had to tell my parents that I was dating someone nearly 30 years older than me, that was obviously stressful. The age thing definitely freaks people out. People would shout stuff at us on the street, or mistake her for my mother, which always totally weirded me out.”

Also, there are physical realities. free speed dating events in nyc you’re dating a young hot person, you’re suddenly like fuck—I have to go to the gym,” Chelsea said. But her biggest anxiety is longevity. “I definitely have anxieties about my younger girlfriend outgrowing this relationship, because that’s a risk when you have an age gap.”

It’s not surprising that dating a adult dating affiliate program person might highlight your insecurities about aging. Personally, the times I’ve dated guys six or so years younger than me, I worried at points that I was checking some “older woman” box for them. A novelty fuck, if you will. While it was an ego boner to be desired by someone with eerily smooth skin who wanted to fuck nine times a day, it also shined a light on my own stupid, 24 year old guy dating 20 year old, petty insecurities. Like the time I stalked one Younger Guy’s Instagram, obsessing over whether the girls in his photos looked younger than me. It was très tragique, but 24 year old guy dating 20 year old couldn’t help myself.