At this point, there’s little dispute that dating apps work. Research has found that the quality of relationships that start online is not fundamentally different from those that start in person, and 59% of respondents to a 2015 Pew Research Center survey said dating apps and websites are “a good way to meet people.”

Good as it may be for your love life, though, swiping isn’t always all fun and games. Here’s how dating apps may be affecting your mental health — and how to use them in a smarter way.

Dating apps may hurt self-esteem

In a 2016 study, Tinder users were found to have lower self-esteem and more body image issues than non-users. The study didn’t prove that Tinder actually causes these effects, but co-author Trent Petrie, a professor of psychology at the University of North Texas, says these issues are a risk for users of any social media network that prompts “evaluative” behaviors. (A representative from Tinder did not respond to TIME’s request for comment.)

“When we as human beings are represented simply by what we look like, we start to look at ourselves in a very similar way: as an object to be evaluated,” Petrie says.

To counter that effect, Petrie says it’s important to keep perspective. “Go into this framing it like, ‘They’re going to evaluate me this way. That doesn’t define who I am,'” Petrie suggests. “Surround yourself with people who know you, support you and value you for all your various qualities.” Petrie says it may also help to build a profile that showcases a variety of your interests and pastimes, rather than one focused solely on physical appearance.

Keely Kolmes, a California psychologist who specializes in sex and relationship issues, also suggests book-ending your app use with healthy activities, such as exercise or social interaction, to avoid getting dragged down. “Do things that would in general support your mental health and self-worth, so that it doesn’t get caught in the cycle of what’s happening on your phone,” Kolmes says.

And when all else fails, Petrie says, just log off. “It can be almost a full-time job, between screening people and responding to requests and having first meetings,” he says. “Limit the amount of time that you spend doing that.”

Endless swiping may overwhelm you

Having limitless options isn’t always a good thing. The famous “jam experiment” found that grocery shoppers were more likely to make a purchase when presented with six jam options, rather than 24 or 30. The same concept may be true of dating apps, says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for dating site Match. (Match Group owns Tinder.)

“You meet so many people that you can’t decide and make no decision at all,” Fisher says. To keep yourself in check, Fisher suggests limiting your pool of potential dates to somewhere between five and nine people, rather than swiping endlessly. “After that, the brain starts to go into cognitive overload, and you don’t choose anybody,” she says.

Kolmes says people may also falsely equate swiping with personal connection. “It almost gives people a sense of having done something they haven’t actually done,” Kolmes says. “It feels like they’ve reached out to a lot of people, but they haven’t made the effort to actually go out and meet somebody, which is really important.”

To keep from getting stuck in this cycle, Kolmes recommends self-imposing rules that encourage you to take your matches into the real world. “Have a system. How much are you willing to engage with somebody before you actually meet and make it real?” Kolmes says. “If somebody is not meeting you in the way that works for you, it’s far better to just let them go.”

Dating apps may set you up for rejection

Rejection is always part of dating, whether you meet someone virtually or in real life. But apps have changed the game in a few fundamental ways.

For one thing, the volume of potential rejection is far greater than it used to be. While you’d likely only approach one person at a bar, you could send scores of app messages that go unanswered — and each one of those can feel like a rejection. Research has also shown that people act differently online than in person, which likely contributes to potentially hurtful behaviors like ghosting (deciding abruptly to not reply to a match or date) and bread-crumbing (communicating just enough to keep someone on the romantic back-burner). A new study also found that online daters tend to pursue people 25% “more desirable” than themselves, which Fisher says may hurt your chances of getting a meaningful response.

Getting over these mini-rejections, the experts say, isn’t all that different from bouncing back from an in-person slight. Fisher recommends positive affirmations (she suggests starting with the line, “I love being myself”) and thinking about the future, rather than the past. “Planning gives you a sense of control and optimism and something to do,” she says.

Petrie, meanwhile, says dealing with micro-rejections is, again, about perspective. “There are many, many, many reasons why someone doesn’t respond,” he says. “If we are attaching it to the idea that there’s something wrong with us, then that may be a good time to check in with our friends and ground ourselves in the reality that we’re a fine person.”

You may not be innocent

Behavior goes both ways. Swiping through an endless sea of faces “invites us to de-personalize people in some ways,” by “not looking at the whole person and really just going based on an image,” Kolmes says — so you may be doing some of these things to your own prospective matches without even realizing it.

To stay compassionate, put yourself in others’ shoes, and avoid going on apps unless you’re actually trying to date, Kolmes recommends. “Think about the kind of attention you would want someone to pay to you, and whether you’re ready to pay that kind of attention to people who have put themselves out there looking for a date or love,” she says.

Write to Jamie Ducharme at jamie.ducharme@time.com.

Dating apps can provide a way to socialise and boost your confidence, particularly under current restrictions, but could they be doing more harm than good?

At this time, dating apps can bring about a direct line of communication, a means to socialise and meet new people without breaching pandemic restrictions or even your health. They can provide solace in a time of loneliness, and give your confidence a little boost when you might be feeling down.

Last year, searches on Google for ‘dating sites’ peaked at 74,000 a month and although dating apps may have some self-esteem boosting qualities, an unhealthy relationship with them could be taking its toll on your mental health, vulnerabilities and even exacerbate existing mental health conditions.

Traditional ‘swipe right’ dating apps can leave you on a high when you receive a flurry of matches, but how do you feel when you don’t match with anyone in a session?

Caroline Harper, Specialist Mental Health Nurse at Bupa UK says that having an unhealthy relationship with dating apps can lead to issues such as stress, low-body image and anxiety. “Rejection can also play a part in dating apps and these can leave you feeling low or anxious. They can wreak havoc on low self-esteem, too. Although having low self-esteem isn’t a mental health issue itself, it can increase feelings of stress, depression, and anxiety.”

Hope for the future of dating apps

Londoner Izzy has founded a new kind of dating app, one which rejects swiping at face level purely based on looks, and embraces authenticity and finding love through shared interests, in this case sport. Born from a dislike of traditional dating apps that prioritise face value, Izzy’s experience with dating apps in her uni days left her with a desire for change.

Izzy says, “I remember thinking in the first lockdown how lucky I was that I had found a partner who has the same passion that I do, running.” Izzy met her partner at her local running club, so she knew they had a shared passion from the get-go.

“A friend of mine has completed Bumble twice, because she just can’t find anyone. So I wanted to create an app that’s honest and human, it’s about the discovery of people and shared, authentic interactions.” In essence, Zeal - which launches next month - rejects the traditional unhealthy swiping culture based purely on looks, with the hope of changing the dating app game as we know it.

How can we have a healthy relationship with dating apps?

If you do struggle with your relationship towards dating apps, here Caroline shares four tips to help ease the pressure.

1. You are not your profile

A few images and captions do not show all your unique qualities. Be mindful that swiping left or a conversation fizzling out isn’t a rejection of your complete self.

Using dating apps can impact your body image, so take a minute to understand your attitude towards your body. For example, if you edit your profile photos before posting them, take a minute to reflect on why.

As a starting point, make a list of 10 qualities you like about yourself and read this often: especially if you’re experiencing low self-esteem.

2. Take a break

It’s really important to have a healthy relationship with dating apps and taking regular breaks away can help. Notice how your body changes physically when you use these apps: if your body feels tense or you experience a racing heart, it’s time to evaluate what you’re getting out of these experiences.

If you’re struggling to reduce your time on dating apps, why not temporarily disable your accounts, or set restrictions for accounts that fuel your anxiety? Taking regular breaks away can give you time to reflect and boost your mood, especially if instead you’re doing something you enjoy.

3. Be kind to yourself

Self-care is all about looking after yourself, both physically and mentally. Being kind to yourself can create happy and healthy relationships, too.

Firstly, think about how you speak to the people you care about, and then turn that voice on yourself. Your inner voice should be kind, forgiving and compassionate.

Secondly, make time every day to reflect on what’s going on in your everyday life and how you are feeling. It’s more important than ever to process our thoughts – you could begin a journal and write down each night what you’ve achieved?

Finally, maintain a healthy routine. Don’t underestimate the importance of regular exercise, a good night’s sleep and a well-balanced diet for your wellbeing. Exercising everyday can be a nice distraction away from your dating apps, too.

4. Unfollow and tune out

If you’ve had a negative experience with someone on a dating app or particular social media accounts are causing you anxiety, it’s time to switch-off. Block any negative conversations and distract yourself with a favourite hobby. Focus on an activity that boosts your mood, like catching up with a friend or reading your favourite book.

You might also find it helpful to only look at your apps at a certain time of day and for a limited amount of time. Always follow it up with a relaxing activity, too.

If you need to talk or find support, reach out to a professional therapist on Counselling Directory.

Dating means allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to risk disappointment and rejection. Dating with depression carries the added burden of figuring out when and how much to reveal about your condition to the person you’re dating. To tell or not to tell.  We answer this question and offer expert advice on the art of courting with chronic depression.

Only 18, Isa Zhou has lived with depression for six years. She was 12 when the symptoms first surfaced in 2012.  Her motivation for school and life tanked. “I was very emotional and had a very negative view of everything,” she says. Two years later, she was diagnosed with major depression and a year later, in 2015, with dysthymia (mild, chronic depression). “Depression made me insecure and self-conscious for the longest time,” says Isa, who lives in Northern California where she attends college.

Over the years, as medication and therapy stabilized her, her self-confidence increased.  She became more comfortable interacting with others and eventually began to think about dating. She wanted a relationship and in time she sidelined her trepidations.

At an outdoor event, she met James, 19. After dating for a couple of weeks, she casually brought up her struggle with depression. “He didn’t say anything, but I could feel that the time was not right yet,” she says.  Instead of pushing the conversation, she allowed “mutual interest to serve as the glue until trust was established.”

Then, about two months into the relationship, Isa revisited the topic. “We were already holding heart-to-heart conversations about other subjects,” she says. This time they talked “more deeply about the issue.” She told him about the medication she was taking. He asked questions about her experience of living with depression and listened attentively and calmly, she says.

Establish Trust and Go Slowly When Dating with Depression

Taking it slow and establishing trust is a wise choice says Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, core faculty member of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Teachers College, Columbia University (New York).  “The first date shouldn’t be a confessional,” says Tomasulo, “Take the time to ascertain if both of you are interested in going forward and see how you feel in the presence of the other person. On the second or third date, you can test the waters by bringing up the subject of your depression in a general way.

Don’t go deep. “This is not the time for nitty-gritty details,” says Tomasulo, “A simple statement that conveys the basics to your romantic partner will do.”  If depression is a part of your life, “don’t be ashamed of or feel you’d have to qualify it,” Tomasulo adds. Talk about it as you would any diabetes or another illness or condition.

And be honest.  Sure, we all want to put our best selves forward when we start dating.  While that’s understandable, when depression is a factor, “putting up a false front” or portraying yourself in a way that isn’t the real you may backfire. With depression, you’ll have OK days, good days, great days, and days when you may feel sad, irritable, or just off.

Perhaps your depression means you normally have a “more subdued or quiet emotional state,” don’t disguise the real you by pretending you’re naturally animated or gregarious. Pretending to be someone you’re not—unless you’re Meryl Streep—is exhausting and unsustainable.  Eventually, you’ll be weary of the guise and the person you’re dating may resent being misled.

How to Date with Depression

Isa Zhou and James are still going strong. Her advice echoes Tomasulo: Establish trust and then “explain to your future partner in depth what your struggle means and what you expect of him or her.” Depression affects your partner so equally important is explaining what they can expect from you. Here is other advice to keep in mind while navigating depression and new relationships:

• Don’t expect a new relationship to “fix” you.

  Don’t expect the person you bring into your life to fix you or solve your depression. They may be supportive and helpful, but you cannot rely on them to transform your mood. Stay motivated to take care of yourself so you can take care of the relationship.

• Respect your emotional peaks and valleys.

  Sometimes you can push yourself to go out; sometimes feel too depressed to go out on a date. If the latter, describe how you are feeling and offer an alternative plan that conveys your ongoing interest: “I’m wiped out tonight, but how about we go for brunch tomorrow?”

• Look outward.

  If you are out on a date and not feeling at your best, focus on showing interest, kindness, and sensitivity for the other person’s life and work. Getting out of your head by concentrating on another person can help distract you and lift your spirits.

• Use the People Active Decisions (PAD) method.

  When negotiating a new relationship or managing other changes in your life, be kind to yourself and pay attention to signs that your anxiety or depression is intensifying leading you to pull back or isolate. To get yourself back on track, Tomasulo suggests keeping PAD (an acronym for People Active Decisions) in mind. Push yourself to be around People rather than be alone; be Active rather than passive, (take a walk rather than sit on the couch) and find success by making small Decisions (like what to wear or make for dinner) quickly rather than stay indecisive. Tomasulo also suggests tapping into all the helpful resources in your life, be it family, social support from friends, or spiritual guidance.

Finally—and it’s worth repeating—eat right, sleep right, and move your body. Exercise, nutrition, and meditation are proven tools that help in the management of depression and anxiety.

Tinder, Bumble, Hinge... there are multiple dating apps to choose from when it comes to meeting your next potential love match. While these apps can be fun, light-hearted and even lead you to 'the one', if you suffer from anxiety or low-esteem, it's important to take precautions when it comes to your mental health.

We speak to relationship and mental health expert Sam Owen, author of Anxiety Freeand founder of Relationships Coach, about how to navigate the murky waters of online dating unscathed:

Can dating apps impact your mental health?

The short answer is yes, dating apps can negatively impact your mental health if you're not using them in a healthy way, and particularly if you have previously battled with anxiety or depression.

Despite the huge popularity of dating apps, many users report feeling low and experiencing self doubt. A study by the University of North Texas, found that male Tinder users reported lower levels of self worth than those not on the dating app.

'They make us focus on superficiality instead of focusing on what’s really important in relationships such as friendship, commitment and shared values,' says Owen. 'This in itself can knock self-esteem and can also force people into pursuing goals that aren’t important, such as looking good in a photo.'

Low self-esteem is a risk factor of a large number of mental health issues, including but not limited to depression.

'The time we spend on superficial goals is time we can’t spend on important goals such as finding someone we can have a lasting love with,' Owen points out, 'or working on our psychological issues such as raising our self-esteem and letting go of emotional baggage.'

The other issue with dating apps is that they put you face-to-face with rejection, which can in turn have negative psychological impact. 'The more rejections you get, the more deflated and exhausted you can become and this can make a person feel hopeless,' adds Owen.

Mental health and online dating red flags

Sometimes, it's natural to feel a bit down if things aren't going according to plan. So how do you make the most of online dating and still keep your self-esteem in check?

Owen outlines the key warning signs to look out for that might be negatively affecting your mental health. If you start to experience any of these, log off and go for a walk, put the kettle on or phone a friend until the feelings subside:

• Psychological anxiety symptoms

Feeling nervous, ‘on edge’ or panicky when you are about to log on to the app.

• Physical anxiety symptoms

Increased heart rate, nausea or tight chest when you're using the app.

• Negative self-talk

Your internal dialogue is one of hopelessness or dejection.

How to use dating apps in a healthy way

The key to successful online dating is to always put your mental health first. Owen recommends the following tips before you log on:

✔️ If you are feeling low generally, it is important to avoid dating apps so as not to exacerbate the situation.

✔️ Only use dating apps when you are feeling resilient enough to deal with the rejections and your body and mind will tell you if you do.

✔️ That means using them when you are feeling positive emotions about your dating prospects such as optimism and excitement.

✔️ Avoid them when you are already feeling negative emotions such as pessimism and despondency.

✔️ Be clear on the sort of person you are looking for so that you don't waste your time pursuing people who don't match it, eg someone who shares the same values as you.

✔️ Be open-minded as you go about talking to people online. Not everybody has great online communication skills, humour or confidence.

✔️ Get the conversation off-line as soon as possible. You can't always tell if you're going to click with someone until you've met them in person, or at the very least spoken via phone or video call, eg Skype.

✔️ Be compassionate; you get back what you give out. Being kind helps others and helps your mental wellbeing, too.

Further help and support

If you are struggling and need help and support or have any concerns about your mental health, the first port of call should be your GP.

For additional support, try one of the following resources:

• Anxiety UK: a charity which specifies in helping those suffering from anxiety.
• The Samaritans: a charity providing support to anyone in emotional distress.
• Mind: a charity that makes sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone.
• CALM: helping to reduce stigma and reduce rates of male suicide.

❗️If you are worried about your mental health, contact your GP or call NHS 111.

Last updated: 08-01-2020

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Technology has ushered in a huge cultural shift in how we find love—over time, the pervasiveness of online dating has skyrocketed. Online dating has been, for the most part, normalized and accepted as a tool for making human connections. The revenue from this industry and its frequency of use are astronomical.

How to Create a Dating Profile

Many People Use Dating Apps

The popular swipe-based dating app Tinder reports 57 million users worldwide. An estimated 20% of all Americans are engaging in online dating. This may seem like a small number until you consider that most American adults are partnered.

Only 30% of Americans are single (i.e., not married, cohabitating, or in a committed relationship), according to Pew Research Center.

Of Americans recently married, over 30% met online. In Australia, which is one of America’s closest global competitors for online dating, a 2017 survey of 14,000 recently married or engaged couples found that 1 in 5 met using online dating apps.

Most online daters are between the ages of 18 and 34, with most falling between the ages of 18 and 24. There has been a recent 60% increase in those seeking to spark a virtual romance who are between the age of 45 and 55. The use of dating apps by those over 55 years old has doubled in recent years.

Why People Use or Don't Use Dating Apps

People cite the obvious reasons for being on dating apps, such as seeking a long-term partner or a sexual encounter; the split is fairly even. On the other hand, some choose not to participate in dating app usage for other reasons.

Dating App Users

Forty-nine percent of online daters report looking for marriage, while 47% report that they are specifically seeking casual sex.

In one study, participants noted that they used dating apps in pursuit of validation of their self-worth. Forty percent of online daters report that being on a dating site had a positive impact on their self-esteem.

Non-Users

Those individuals surveyed who denied using online dating stated reasons such as they are not looking for a partner at all, the most common reason.

Others stated that they prefer meeting people other ways, don't trust people online, or feel that meeting online would lead to a type of relationship in which they were not interested.

What People Look For on Dating Apps

Geographical proximity, age, and education level are important to online daters in addition to appearance. However, men are much less likely to adhere to their predetermined criteria if they find a potential partner attractive.

Most online daters did eventually meet at least one person face to face, while 22% never arranged a meeting. Forty percent of users report that they have had at least one relationship that they would describe as “serious” with someone they met online.

Potential Drawbacks of Online Dating

Forty-nine percent of users with a pre-existing mood disorder report that use of online dating aggravates their depressive symptoms, while 20% state that online dating is actually beneficial to their mood.

Psychological Distress

People who using dating apps are likely to be more distressed, anxious, or depressed. In fact, dating app users face three times the amount of stress in comparison to non-users. This number increases if the dating app user is on dating apps more often (i.e., daily use) and for a longer period of time.

Those daters who are seeking validation are more vulnerable and sensitive to rejections or are positively impacted by attention. Studies show that the pursuit of external validation, whether through online dating or social media correlate with emotional distress.

Poor Body Image

Online dating is also associated with poor body image or the use of unhealthy methods of weight loss such as laxative use or anabolic steroids.

Despite this, there is evidence that online dating may actually help shape someone’s self-image. In one survey, online daters decided whether or not they would choose someone based mainly on if they thought the person would be attracted to them.

This puts the online dater in the position of constantly appraising themselves through the potentially critical eye of other daters.

How Online Dating May Be Changing Mating Patterns

Those individuals who may have struggled with making connections in person or establishing romantic relationships with conventional dating appear to have an advantage within online dating.

Usage of this dating platform is higher among those who have social anxiety and those who have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Some researchers believe that the recent increase in the prevalence of ASD is due to greater reproductive success among those with the condition.

Hookup Culture

A hookup is defined as an uncommitted sexual encounter with a non-romantic partner. The exact rates of hookups are unknown, but this behavior is thought to be particularly common among those between the ages of 15 and 24.

Annually, this population is responsible for 50% of all sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and reports show that less than 50% of people use condoms during hookup encounters.

Online Dating vs. In-Person Dating

One interesting study attempting to understand how technology is impacting dating interactions compared online dating to conventional methods of meeting such as at a bar or party.

Hookups are heavily associated with alcohol use, with over 70% of women between the ages of 18 and 29 reporting intoxication at the time of a hookup. This has the potential negative consequences of alcohol-related sexual behavior such as an increased risk of sexual assault.

Meeting someone online significantly decreases alcohol use with partners and perceived level of intoxication among women.

There appears to be no difference in the likelihood of an initial encounter becoming a hookup when comparing couples who met online to those who met at a bar or party. The main determining factor for the probability of a hookup occurring is the location of the initial meeting.

A Word From Verywell

Online dating is widely used and for many is considered mainstream. More than half of all single American adults are utilizing online dating. Although some may perceive online dating to be more likely to be used by those not seeking long-term, committed relationships, this is how many couples who eventually marry meet.

If you have a pre-existing mental health condition, you may want to discuss your dating experience with your healthcare provider given the potential risk of exacerbating symptoms and causing emotional distress. Always prioritize safety when dating online or in person.

How to Safely Use Online Dating Apps

Dating apps can provide a way to socialise and boost your confidence, particularly under current restrictions, but could they be doing more harm than good?

At this time, dating apps can bring about a direct line of communication, a means to socialise and meet new people without breaching pandemic restrictions or even your health. They can provide solace in a time of loneliness, and give your confidence a little boost when you might be feeling down.

Last year, searches on Google for ‘dating sites’ peaked at 74,000 a month and although dating apps may have some self-esteem boosting qualities, an unhealthy relationship with them could be taking its toll on your mental health, vulnerabilities and even exacerbate existing mental health conditions.

Traditional ‘swipe right’ dating apps can leave you on a high when you receive a flurry of matches, but how do you feel when you don’t match with anyone in a session?

Caroline Harper, Specialist Mental Health Nurse at Bupa UK says that having an unhealthy relationship with dating apps can lead to issues such as stress, low-body image and anxiety. “Rejection can also play a part in dating apps and these can leave you feeling low or anxious. They can wreak havoc on low self-esteem, too. Although having low self-esteem isn’t a mental health issue itself, it can increase feelings of stress, depression, and anxiety.”

Hope for the future of dating apps

Londoner Izzy has founded a new kind of dating app, one which rejects swiping at face level purely based on looks, and embraces authenticity and finding love through shared interests, in this case sport. Born from a dislike of traditional dating apps that prioritise face value, Izzy’s experience with dating apps in her uni days left her with a desire for change.

Izzy says, “I remember thinking in the first lockdown how lucky I was that I had found a partner who has the same passion that I do, running.” Izzy met her partner at her local running club, so she knew they had a shared passion from the get-go.

“A friend of mine has completed Bumble twice, because she just can’t find anyone. So I wanted to create an app that’s honest and human, it’s about the discovery of people and shared, authentic interactions.” In essence, Zeal - which launches next month - rejects the traditional unhealthy swiping culture based purely on looks, with the hope of changing the dating app game as we know it.

How can we have a healthy relationship with dating apps?

If you do struggle with your relationship towards dating apps, here Caroline shares four tips to help ease the pressure.

1. You are not your profile

A few images and captions do not show all your unique qualities. Be mindful that swiping left or a conversation fizzling out isn’t a rejection of your complete self.

Using dating apps can impact your body image, so take a minute to understand your attitude towards your body. For example, if you edit your profile photos before posting them, take a minute to reflect on why.

As a starting point, make a list of 10 qualities you like about yourself and read this often: especially if you’re experiencing low self-esteem.

2. Take a break

It’s really important to have a healthy relationship with dating apps and taking regular breaks away can help. Notice how your body changes physically when you use these apps: if your body feels tense or you experience a racing heart, it’s time to evaluate what you’re getting out of these experiences.

If you’re struggling to reduce your time on dating apps, why not temporarily disable your accounts, or set restrictions for accounts that fuel your anxiety? Taking regular breaks away can give you time to reflect and boost your mood, especially if instead you’re doing something you enjoy.

3. Be kind to yourself

Self-care is all about looking after yourself, both physically and mentally. Being kind to yourself can create happy and healthy relationships, too.

Firstly, think about how you speak to the people you care about, and then turn that voice on yourself. Your inner voice should be kind, forgiving and compassionate.

Secondly, make time every day to reflect on what’s going on in your everyday life and how you are feeling. It’s more important than ever to process our thoughts – you could begin a journal and write down each night what you’ve achieved?

Finally, maintain a healthy routine. Don’t underestimate the importance of regular exercise, a good night’s sleep and a well-balanced diet for your wellbeing. Exercising everyday can be a nice distraction away from your dating apps, too.

4. Unfollow and tune out

If you’ve had a negative experience with someone on a dating app or particular social media accounts are causing you anxiety, it’s time to switch-off. Block any negative conversations and distract yourself with a favourite hobby. Focus on an activity that boosts your mood, like catching up with a friend or reading your favourite book.

You might also find it helpful to only look at your apps at a certain time of day and for a limited amount of time. Always follow it up with a relaxing activity, too.

If you need to talk or find support, reach out to a professional therapist on Counselling Directory.

Technology has ushered in a huge cultural shift in how we find love—over time, the pervasiveness of online dating has skyrocketed. Online dating has been, for the most part, normalized and accepted as a tool for making human connections. The revenue from this industry and its frequency of use are astronomical.

How to Create a Dating Profile

Many People Use Dating Apps

The popular swipe-based dating app Tinder reports 57 million users worldwide. An estimated 20% of all Americans are engaging in online dating. This may seem like a small number until you consider that most American adults are partnered.

Only 30% of Americans are single (i.e., not married, cohabitating, or in a committed relationship), according to Pew Research Center.

Of Americans recently married, over 30% met online. In Australia, which is one of America’s closest global competitors for online dating, a 2017 survey of 14,000 recently married or engaged couples found that 1 in 5 met using online dating apps.

Most online daters are between the ages of 18 and 34, with most falling between the ages of 18 and 24. There has been a recent 60% increase in those seeking to spark a virtual romance who are between the age of 45 and 55. The use of dating apps by those over 55 years old has doubled in recent years.

Why People Use or Don't Use Dating Apps

People cite the obvious reasons for being on dating apps, such as seeking a long-term partner or a sexual encounter; the split is fairly even. On the other hand, some choose not to participate in dating app usage for other reasons.

Dating App Users

Forty-nine percent of online daters report looking for marriage, while 47% report that they are specifically seeking casual sex.

In one study, participants noted that they used dating apps in pursuit of validation of their self-worth. Forty percent of online daters report that being on a dating site had a positive impact on their self-esteem.

Non-Users

Those individuals surveyed who denied using online dating stated reasons such as they are not looking for a partner at all, the most common reason.

Others stated that they prefer meeting people other ways, don't trust people online, or feel that meeting online would lead to a type of relationship in which they were not interested.

What People Look For on Dating Apps

Geographical proximity, age, and education level are important to online daters in addition to appearance. However, men are much less likely to adhere to their predetermined criteria if they find a potential partner attractive.

Most online daters did eventually meet at least one person face to face, while 22% never arranged a meeting. Forty percent of users report that they have had at least one relationship that they would describe as “serious” with someone they met online.

Potential Drawbacks of Online Dating

Forty-nine percent of users with a pre-existing mood disorder report that use of online dating aggravates their depressive symptoms, while 20% state that online dating is actually beneficial to their mood.

Psychological Distress

People who using dating apps are likely to be more distressed, anxious, or depressed. In fact, dating app users face three times the amount of stress in comparison to non-users. This number increases if the dating app user is on dating apps more often (i.e., daily use) and for a longer period of time.

Those daters who are seeking validation are more vulnerable and sensitive to rejections or are positively impacted by attention. Studies show that the pursuit of external validation, whether through online dating or social media correlate with emotional distress.

Poor Body Image

Online dating is also associated with poor body image or the use of unhealthy methods of weight loss such as laxative use or anabolic steroids.

Despite this, there is evidence that online dating may actually help shape someone’s self-image. In one survey, online daters decided whether or not they would choose someone based mainly on if they thought the person would be attracted to them.

This puts the online dater in the position of constantly appraising themselves through the potentially critical eye of other daters.

How Online Dating May Be Changing Mating Patterns

Those individuals who may have struggled with making connections in person or establishing romantic relationships with conventional dating appear to have an advantage within online dating.

Usage of this dating platform is higher among those who have social anxiety and those who have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Some researchers believe that the recent increase in the prevalence of ASD is due to greater reproductive success among those with the condition.

Hookup Culture

A hookup is defined as an uncommitted sexual encounter with a non-romantic partner. The exact rates of hookups are unknown, but this behavior is thought to be particularly common among those between the ages of 15 and 24.

Annually, this population is responsible for 50% of all sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and reports show that less than 50% of people use condoms during hookup encounters.

Online Dating vs. In-Person Dating

One interesting study attempting to understand how technology is impacting dating interactions compared online dating to conventional methods of meeting such as at a bar or party.

Hookups are heavily associated with alcohol use, with over 70% of women between the ages of 18 and 29 reporting intoxication at the time of a hookup. This has the potential negative consequences of alcohol-related sexual behavior such as an increased risk of sexual assault.

Meeting someone online significantly decreases alcohol use with partners and perceived level of intoxication among women.

There appears to be no difference in the likelihood of an initial encounter becoming a hookup when comparing couples who met online to those who met at a bar or party. The main determining factor for the probability of a hookup occurring is the location of the initial meeting.

A Word From Verywell

Online dating is widely used and for many is considered mainstream. More than half of all single American adults are utilizing online dating. Although some may perceive online dating to be more likely to be used by those not seeking long-term, committed relationships, this is how many couples who eventually marry meet.

If you have a pre-existing mental health condition, you may want to discuss your dating experience with your healthcare provider given the potential risk of exacerbating symptoms and causing emotional distress. Always prioritize safety when dating online or in person.

How to Safely Use Online Dating Apps

Tinder, Bumble, Hinge... there are multiple dating apps to choose from when it comes to meeting your next potential love match. While these apps can be fun, light-hearted and even lead you to 'the one', if you suffer from anxiety or low-esteem, it's important to take precautions when it comes to your mental health.

We speak to relationship and mental health expert Sam Owen, author of Anxiety Freeand founder of Relationships Coach, about how to navigate the murky waters of online dating unscathed:

Can dating apps impact your mental health?

The short answer is yes, dating apps can negatively impact your mental health if you're not using them in a healthy way, and particularly if you have previously battled with anxiety or depression.

Despite the huge popularity of dating apps, many users report feeling low and experiencing self doubt. A study by the University of North Texas, found that male Tinder users reported lower levels of self worth than those not on the dating app.

'They make us focus on superficiality instead of focusing on what’s really important in relationships such as friendship, commitment and shared values,' says Owen. 'This in itself can knock self-esteem and can also force people into pursuing goals that aren’t important, such as looking good in a photo.'

Low self-esteem is a risk factor of a large number of mental health issues, including but not limited to depression.

'The time we spend on superficial goals is time we can’t spend on important goals such as finding someone we can have a lasting love with,' Owen points out, 'or working on our psychological issues such as raising our self-esteem and letting go of emotional baggage.'

The other issue with dating apps is that they put you face-to-face with rejection, which can in turn have negative psychological impact. 'The more rejections you get, the more deflated and exhausted you can become and this can make a person feel hopeless,' adds Owen.

Mental health and online dating red flags

Sometimes, it's natural to feel a bit down if things aren't going according to plan. So how do you make the most of online dating and still keep your self-esteem in check?

Owen outlines the key warning signs to look out for that might be negatively affecting your mental health. If you start to experience any of these, log off and go for a walk, put the kettle on or phone a friend until the feelings subside:

• Psychological anxiety symptoms

Feeling nervous, ‘on edge’ or panicky when you are about to log on to the app.

• Physical anxiety symptoms

Increased heart rate, nausea or tight chest when you're using the app.

• Negative self-talk

Your internal dialogue is one of hopelessness or dejection.

How to use dating apps in a healthy way

The key to successful online dating is to always put your mental health first. Owen recommends the following tips before you log on:

✔️ If you are feeling low generally, it is important to avoid dating apps so as not to exacerbate the situation.

✔️ Only use dating apps when you are feeling resilient enough to deal with the rejections and your body and mind will tell you if you do.

✔️ That means using them when you are feeling positive emotions about your dating prospects such as optimism and excitement.

✔️ Avoid them when you are already feeling negative emotions such as pessimism and despondency.

✔️ Be clear on the sort of person you are looking for so that you don't waste your time pursuing people who don't match it, eg someone who shares the same values as you.

✔️ Be open-minded as you go about talking to people online. Not everybody has great online communication skills, humour or confidence.

✔️ Get the conversation off-line as soon as possible. You can't always tell if you're going to click with someone until you've met them in person, or at the very least spoken via phone or video call, eg Skype.

✔️ Be compassionate; you get back what you give out. Being kind helps others and helps your mental wellbeing, too.

Further help and support

If you are struggling and need help and support or have any concerns about your mental health, the first port of call should be your GP.

For additional support, try one of the following resources:

• Anxiety UK: a charity which specifies in helping those suffering from anxiety.
• The Samaritans: a charity providing support to anyone in emotional distress.
• Mind: a charity that makes sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone.
• CALM: helping to reduce stigma and reduce rates of male suicide.

❗️If you are worried about your mental health, contact your GP or call NHS 111.

Last updated: 08-01-2020

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The study’s findings

A total of 374 individuals who use dating apps were recruited for the study and responded to questions posed through Amazon’s Mechanical Turk platform.

There were no inclusion or exclusion criteria, and each person received $1 for taking part in the study.

The researchers asked participants to fill out the 17-question Social Phobia Inventory (SPIN), in which a person describes the anxiety they have experienced in social situations over the past week. Researchers recognize the SPIN survey for its usefulness as a psychometric measure.

In addition, individuals completed the equally well-regarded 21-question Depression Anxiety Stress Scales survey for measuring anxiety, depression symptoms, and stress.

Participants also completed the Tinder Motives Scale survey that tracked the importance of five of the six Tinder motives to the individual. The research team did not include trendiness because they considered the survey ineffective for measuring its significance.

The scientists measured individuals’ use of dating apps through the Online Dating Inventory questionnaire to assess their use and behavior.

The researchers found that social anxiety and depression are not interchangeable, and were variously linked, or not, with different motives for using dating apps.

The researchers’ general hypothesis was deemed correct: social anxiety and depression do appear to be associated with greater dating app use. Beyond that, the authors of the study drew a variety of conclusions.

They found that:

• Social anxiety and depression are associated with the use of dating apps for ease of communication by both genders, though the effect is more pronounced for women.
• Women with social anxiety are more likely to be interested in obtaining love through dating apps. Depression did not affect whether people were looking for this, for either men or women.
• Dating apps are used for self-worth validation by people of both genders with social anxiety. This was also true of people with depression, with a stronger effect in women than men.
• Contrary to the researchers’ expectations, there was a positive link between social anxiety and the thrill of excitement for women, though not for women living with depression, and not for men.
• There was an association between social anxiety in men and women with an effort to obtain casual sex. This was also true in people living with depression, with a stronger effect in women.

The researchers also discovered a negative correlation between social anxiety and depression in men and the likelihood that they would actually contact a person who turned out to be a match. The likelihood a woman would initiate contact was not affected at all by their level of depression.

The study authors point out that they cannot know whether social anxiety and depression lead to greater dating app use or the other way around, suggesting this open question would benefit from further research.

At this point, there’s little dispute that dating apps work. Research has found that the quality of relationships that start online is not fundamentally different from those that start in person, and 59% of respondents to a 2015 Pew Research Center survey said dating apps and websites are “a good way to meet people.”

Good as it may be for your love life, though, swiping isn’t always all fun and games. Here’s how dating apps may be affecting your mental health — and how to use them in a smarter way.

Dating apps may hurt self-esteem

In a 2016 study, Tinder users were found to have lower self-esteem and more body image issues than non-users. The study didn’t prove that Tinder actually causes these effects, but co-author Trent Petrie, a professor of psychology at the University of North Texas, says these issues are a risk for users of any social media network that prompts “evaluative” behaviors. (A representative from Tinder did not respond to TIME’s request for comment.)

“When we as human beings are represented simply by what we look like, we start to look at ourselves in a very similar way: as an object to be evaluated,” Petrie says.

To counter that effect, Petrie says it’s important to keep perspective. “Go into this framing it like, ‘They’re going to evaluate me this way. That doesn’t define who I am,'” Petrie suggests. “Surround yourself with people who know you, support you and value you for all your various qualities.” Petrie says it may also help to build a profile that showcases a variety of your interests and pastimes, rather than one focused solely on physical appearance.

Keely Kolmes, a California psychologist who specializes in sex and relationship issues, also suggests book-ending your app use with healthy activities, such as exercise or social interaction, to avoid getting dragged down. “Do things that would in general support your mental health and self-worth, so that it doesn’t get caught in the cycle of what’s happening on your phone,” Kolmes says.

And when all else fails, Petrie says, just log off. “It can be almost a full-time job, between screening people and responding to requests and having first meetings,” he says. “Limit the amount of time that you spend doing that.”

Endless swiping may overwhelm you

Having limitless options isn’t always a good thing. The famous “jam experiment” found that grocery shoppers were more likely to make a purchase when presented with six jam options, rather than 24 or 30. The same concept may be true of dating apps, says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for dating site Match. (Match Group owns Tinder.)

“You meet so many people that you can’t decide and make no decision at all,” Fisher says. To keep yourself in check, Fisher suggests limiting your pool of potential dates to somewhere between five and nine people, rather than swiping endlessly. “After that, the brain starts to go into cognitive overload, and you don’t choose anybody,” she says.

Kolmes says people may also falsely equate swiping with personal connection. “It almost gives people a sense of having done something they haven’t actually done,” Kolmes says. “It feels like they’ve reached out to a lot of people, but they haven’t made the effort to actually go out and meet somebody, which is really important.”

To keep from getting stuck in this cycle, Kolmes recommends self-imposing rules that encourage you to take your matches into the real world. “Have a system. How much are you willing to engage with somebody before you actually meet and make it real?” Kolmes says. “If somebody is not meeting you in the way that works for you, it’s far better to just let them go.”

Dating apps may set you up for rejection

Rejection is always part of dating, whether you meet someone virtually or in real life. But apps have changed the game in a few fundamental ways.

For one thing, the volume of potential rejection is far greater than it used to be. While you’d likely only approach one person at a bar, you could send scores of app messages that go unanswered — and each one of those can feel like a rejection. Research has also shown that people act differently online than in person, which likely contributes to potentially hurtful behaviors like ghosting (deciding abruptly to not reply to a match or date) and bread-crumbing (communicating just enough to keep someone on the romantic back-burner). A new study also found that online daters tend to pursue people 25% “more desirable” than themselves, which Fisher says may hurt your chances of getting a meaningful response.

Getting over these mini-rejections, the experts say, isn’t all that different from bouncing back from an in-person slight. Fisher recommends positive affirmations (she suggests starting with the line, “I love being myself”) and thinking about the future, rather than the past. “Planning gives you a sense of control and optimism and something to do,” she says.

Petrie, meanwhile, says dealing with micro-rejections is, again, about perspective. “There are many, many, many reasons why someone doesn’t respond,” he says. “If we are attaching it to the idea that there’s something wrong with us, then that may be a good time to check in with our friends and ground ourselves in the reality that we’re a fine person.”

You may not be innocent

Behavior goes both ways. Swiping through an endless sea of faces “invites us to de-personalize people in some ways,” by “not looking at the whole person and really just going based on an image,” Kolmes says — so you may be doing some of these things to your own prospective matches without even realizing it.

To stay compassionate, put yourself in others’ shoes, and avoid going on apps unless you’re actually trying to date, Kolmes recommends. “Think about the kind of attention you would want someone to pay to you, and whether you’re ready to pay that kind of attention to people who have put themselves out there looking for a date or love,” she says.

Write to Jamie Ducharme at jamie.ducharme@time.com.