When it comes to dating, there's always been a double standard about age gaps. An older man who dates a much younger woman is often applauded, while an older woman who sets her sights on a younger man is typically met with side glances and referred to as a "cougar."

Still, recent research suggests that a rising number of younger men are seeking older women and vice versa. Case in point? One survey found that 81% of women are open to dating someone 10 years younger than they are, and nearly 90% of men are interested in dating someone 10 years older.

TODAY special anchor Maria Shriver was curious to know why these relationships are becoming more common, so she sat down with several couples and a dating expert to dig deeper into this rising trend.

Maria spoke with matchmaker Julia Spira, who says she's been noticing this shift in the dating game for quite some time.

"Women are now going to be dating like men," she explained. "These days, women have the economic power, they've got great careers, so they aren't necessarily looking for somebody to be their equal on a bank statement."

Three couples, whose age differences ranged from years, also joined in on the conversation. Tracy Tutor, a year-old real estate agent, and Erik Anderson, a year-old personal trainer, star in the hit Bravo TV show "Million Dollar Listing LA." Anderson told Maria what originally inspired him to ask Tutor out.

"The younger girls, they really don't know what they want, and they're kind of lost. And then I feel lost. And then I saw her confidence and I was so attracted by just how she works really hard for what she wants."

Tutor also found Anderson's forward-thinking perspective refreshing.

"Until I met Erik, I went out with a ton of men who were attracted innately to the fact that I was confident, successful — until we were alone. And then it was, like, 'Oh, I don't want you to have too much of an opinion,' right? Like, I like the idea of you, but not really," she explained.

Laquelle Mills is six years older than her partner, Malik Rashid, and makes more money than he does, but she appreciates the fact that he can provide for her in a different way: through communication.

"I definitely think he's a better communicator than me. I think this generation, I believe that they're more fearless, they're able to say how they feel in that moment, handle it and move forth," she said.

Rashid is also not threatened by his partner's higher income.

"I'm not concerned with my woman making more money than me at all," he said.

Colin Willard is 16 years younger than his partner, Theresa Gage, and he believes that he has something more important to offer her than a massive salary.

"The younger generation of men see that being a good partner (means) making sure your woman's fulfilled emotionally and mentally and physically," he said.

Of course, it's not all sunshine and rainbows for these couples, and they admitted that contending with outside judgments on their age gap can be challenging.

"A lot of the judgment actually comes from women. With the movements that have been happening, why now would you choose to judge another woman for embracing her sexuality and her own strength and choosing to date someone younger, that would never be judged by a man dating 30 or 40 years younger?" Tutor said.

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Gage also acknowledged that many women who date younger men tend to worry that their partners will move on and find someone younger.

"You know, in the beginning I think it was definitely part of our conversation, like, 'Are you going to trade me in for a younger model?' And his answer was, 'Well, you might trade me in for a younger model,'" she said and laughed.

Still, Tutor said it's worth putting yourself out there because you never know who your perfect match might be.

"The pool is already so small to find the right person for yourself. Why are we making it even smaller? Men don't. Why should women?" she said.

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Chrissy Callahan

Chrissy Callahan covers a range of topics for alovex.co, including fashion, beauty, pop culture and food. In her free time, she enjoys traveling, watching bad reality TV and consuming copious amounts of cookie dough.

It’s such a regular, clichéd occurrence that it barely deserves to be remarked on, nonetheless, it still boils my kidneys. Hardly a week goes by without a middle-aged celebrity being photographed with a new and much younger girlfriend.

Last week, it was the turn of year-old Russell Crowe who was photographed kissing his alleged “new girlfriend” Britney Theriot, aged Theriot is closer in age to Crowe’s year-old son Charles, but sure what of it? Like I say, an everyday and unremarkable occurrence through a celebrity’s looking glass.

The new couple join a pantheon of Dad-bodded, middle-aged men and their lissom, millennial or Gen-Z lovers: there’s Leo DiCaprio (46) and his girlfriend Camila Morrone (23); Dennis Quaid (66) and his wife Laura Savoie (27); and Sean Penn and Leila George, 32 years his junior.

Earlier this year, Brad Pitt (56) was said to be dating year-old model Nicole Poturalski. Pitt has rarely been without a beauty on his arm for decades but, even so, that he has fallen so readily into this time-honoured cliché seems disappointing. Disappointing, but not surprising.

When Keanu Reeves was photographed with his girlfriend Alexandra Grant, who had grey hair and looked her age (47), he was inundated with congratulations and back-claps, as though he deserved praise for dating a woman his age. The thing is: he is still nine years older than her.

In the business where Hollywood is strangely obsessed with youth and where optics are everything, I can understand why a leading man (or indeed, woman) would get involved with someone much younger. It telegraphs “I’m still young and relevant”, which is probably handy when it comes to career longevity.

Looks and beauty aside, a younger person brings new energy and refreshed perspective on life to a relationship. And sometimes, age doesn’t come into the equation. Numbers don’t mean anything if two people have similar values and find themselves roughly at the same stage in life.

Research

This phenomenon is not restricted to the rarefied world of celebrity. In , the Science Advances journal publisheda study about the “aspirational pursuit of mates” within online dating. Researchers looked at nearly , heterosexual users and found that while men’s sexual desirability peaks at age 50, women hit their prime at Another study undertaken by dating website OkCupid found that “the median year-old man spends as much time messaging teenage girls as he does women his own age”.

But why does this supposed fixation that older men appear to have on young women bother me so much? Is it because, as a something woman, it reminds me that in the world of dating, women of my vintage have depreciated in value? That the idea suggests physical appearance still matters more for women than men and we are thought to diminish in attractiveness more precipitously? Is it because research like this confirms what I’ve long suspected: some men (hashtag not all men) find girls more attractive than grown women – women with possibly more opinions and agency?

Why am I rolling my eyes at the mere thought of Russell Crowe having to speed-learn the basics of TikTok to get hooked up with younger women? Or, for that matter, Brad Pitt saying something like, “the nineties . . . well, you had to be there”? For all we know, these pairings could be wondrous, intellectual matches, compatible in ways that numbers can’t attest to.

But I know from experience that this isn’t always the case and maybe this is why the dynamic leaves a metallic taste in my mouth. At 20, working in a Dublin hotel bar to pay my way through college, I met an American man, then in his mids. He was charmingly boyish but had his own apartment in LA, wore aftershave and worked as a record producer (I could barely spell career). It was a sizeable step up from the Snakebite-guzzling lads I was more used to. Suitably smitten, I moved to Los Angeles after college so we could make a go of things.

Power

Well, it was a disaster. With no career or money of my own to speak of and me living in his apartment, the balance of power was already on a perilously unhealthy tilt. Sure, we made each other laugh but I was under no illusion that for him, this was a predominantly sexual relationship. He had little interest in a meeting of minds. He had his buddies for that.

Added to which, I was hopelessly immature and romantically inexperienced at I would pick fights with him at parties and crow for attention and affection all day long. We weren’t compatible in terms of emotional intelligence. Common life goals? Pffft. When it finally ground to a halt, I suspect both of us were relieved.

The record producer wasn’t a bad guy or even a man undergoing a crisis of masculinity. We were both attracted to each other, so what was the harm in seeing where things went?

Men choosing to date younger women at their gravitational/aesthetic apex is understandable, as is the reverse. What ultimately bothers me is a man who believes that a woman his own age is too old to love. The French novelist Yann Moix intoned last year: “The body of a year-old woman is extraordinary. The body of a woman of 50 is not extraordinary at all.”

I suspect that something other than beauty is at play here. Think of the reflected glory and admiration that an older person might see in a young lover’s eyes. I know I thought my ex was a legend, simply because he knew how to order wine and paid a gas bill. That sort of devotion and admiration is probably too good to resist. I’d say having to mansplain OJ Simpson, Thin Lizzy or Italia seems a small enough price to pay.

When it comes to dating, age is just one among many factors to consider as you seek your match. We bring all of our prior life experience to any relationship we enter, so how much does it matter that one person's history is years (or decades) longer than the other's? Here, two experts weigh in on the benefits of dating an older man, as well as the potential drawbacks.

Dating an older man in your 20s and 30s is much different than dating one in your 40s, 50s, and 60s.

While an older man dating a younger woman tends to raise less eyebrows than a woman's romance with a younger man, the dynamic isn't exactly stigma-free—particularly when the age gap is significant. When a young woman named Courtney Thornton (née Barber) took flak both online and off in for falling in love with a man 25 years her senior, she started the hashtag #husbandnotdad to encourage others in the same boat to share their stories. Three years later, search #husbandnotdad on Instagram and you'll find a collection of smiling couples; on Twitter, the same hashtag's happy photos are interspersed with searingly critical comments, which arguably confirms Thornton's point.

When women over 40 find themselves drawn to someone who's older, they are less of a target for those who cry 'daddy issues.' "In your fifties or sixties, most women are independent and financially stable," says Charly Lester, co-founder and CMO of Lumen, a dating app for people over "They're less likely to experience the same judgments and stereotypes if they decide to date an older man at this age."

A range of generation gap-related issues (more on those below) can be easier to bridge when you're over 40 as well. "The older you get, the less of a challenge it's likely to pose," Lester continues. "In terms of life experience and maturity, an age gap at 50 or 60 isn't particularly dramatic."

An older man who's worthy of your time knows what he wants in a relationship.

Stability, a strong sense of self, and advancement in his career are things older men can potentially bring to the table more often than a man in his 20s or 30s can, says Sherman. "People often ask whether an older man is more mature than a younger one," Sherman adds. "It depends upon the individual and their development and history. That said, extra years of life experience do often lead to greater maturity in relationships, and more life wisdom."

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A woman in her 40s or older has plenty of hard-won lessons and accomplishments of her own to tout, of course. She just might love getting involved with a person who's on equally-solid ground (and has been there for awhile).

With kids out of the nest, an older man may have more time for you.

Maybe you're dating after a divorce, and you're a single mom who needs to carve out the time for a love life. A man who's already been married and raised kids has no carpool schedules to contend with, which can mean he's got more time to plan amazing dates. According to Lester, if you're seeing someone who is ten or more years older than you, "he's likely to have children who are less dependent on him, and have more free time—which can be particularly helpful if your kids are still more dependent."

If he's retired and you're not, relating to each other can be a challenge.

If his working days are behind him and you're still focused on a job and all the ambitions, woes, and time demands that come with it, you may struggle to connect at the end of the day. "Often relationships are built on similar life experience, and the difference between daily work and retirement can be quite a marked one," Lester explains.

Find out whether your visions for the future match up.

You two may not be picking out wedding rings at this point, but if things start getting serious, it's worth discussing what you both think your next ten-to-twenty years will look like. Do you have any further family ambitions? Are you open to traveling, or moving somewhere else?

"Make sure that you’ve discussed important issues like whether you both want kids, and whether you can mutually support one another’s dreams and the things that make you both happy," Sherman advises. "One person may feel like their goals are winding down and the other is winding up."

You may discover some surprising cultural differences.

So he doesn't know who Cardi B is, and you don't have the same points of nostalgia—that might not bug you at all, and that's just great. But what if you start talking politics and trends, only to discover he's completely immovable in his views? It certainly depends on the individual, but "he may be very set in his ways and can appear less open-minded than younger men," Paulette warns.

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Lester agrees. "Someone who grew up twenty years before you may have different cultural references, or a less liberal approach to certain political or social topics, which can cause friction in the early days when they meet your friends and family," she says.

Your communication habits may be different.

Or, you know, they might not be. While Sherman says an older man may prefer you to call him rather than sending a string of texts, Lester says that's not necessarily true. "In my experience with running a dating app, there are surprisingly less differences between the way a 30 year old, a 50 year old, and a 70 year old communicate. We have people in their 90s using it!"

Remember that it's about the two of you as individuals, not your age difference.

Your difference in years may elicit some unfortunate assumptions and remarks, but if you truly care about each other, stay focused on how you feel. "Try remembering the things that you love about the person as an individual," says Paulette Sherman, a psychotherapist and certified dating coach. "It’s important to recall why you chose your partner, and not to let outside stigma or judgments dissuade you."

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Over the course of your twenties, you’ll almost definitely have been told ‘you need an older man’ at some point by a well-meaning friend or relative unless, of course, you’re already dating one.

The mythologising of older men is at once frustrating and intriguing in equal measure: they’re often referred to as ‘silver foxes’ and ‘dad or shags’. An age gap can be good, it can be bad and it can be downright creepy. A young woman dating an older man is often romanticised but it can be very, very problematic too – take Lynn Barber’s story as told in An Education for instance.

At the slightly smuttier end of the spectrum during the research process of this article, I uncovered an entire subsection of erotic fiction on Amazon devoted to the ‘Daddy Complex’ with titles such as ‘Her Mother’s Boss’ and ‘Her Guardian Neighbour’. It seems to be rather popular.

But assuming that both parties are consenting adults, there’s no doubt that there is just something about an older man. As one self-described ‘grandad botherer’ aged 30, (let’s call her Daisy) told The Debrief ‘during my twenties I just realised that older guys were classier and cooler about most stuff than men by own age’. She added that, following extensive research in this area, she discovered that guys who were 40+ were also ‘in general, better in bed, had their own place, made excellent breakfasts, were never a dick about it if you didn’t want to see them again and don’t mind when you get pissed and called them 15 times in a row at 4 AM. Often, they also had cool mid-century furniture in their flats as opposed to Ikea and would make you a martini if you booty called them after the pub’.

We tend to portray older men as more romantic, wiser and kinder. Obviously, this is completely flawed because age doesn’t always prevent you from being a terrible person but, as dating apps take over and millennial men becoming increasingly hard to pin down because they’re all too busy nurturing their bromances anecdotally at least, it seems that older men who remember the world before Tinder are having their moment.

We think we know why we’re attracted to older men but is there more to it than we realise? Professor Madeleine Fugere is the author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships. She says that there is scientific evidence which suggests that ‘dad or shag’ is both a psychological and evolutionary phenomenon and not just a cultural cliché.

‘The research in this area shows that not only are younger women attracted to older men, but older men are attracted to younger women, a convenient situation for heterosexual couples’ she explains. ‘When we ask men and women what aged partner they would prefer, men tend to say that they would like a female partner who is a few years younger and women tend to say that they would like a male partner who is a few years older. This preference exists cross-culturally which suggests that it is nearly universal’. Professor Fugere points out that this phenomenon persists throughout our lives, as men age they prefer even younger partners while as women age they continue to prefer older partners until around the age of

In evolutionary terms, Professor Fugere says that for men it is, simply, about ‘ensuring that a prospective partner is fertile’ while women consider the resources an older man might have ‘such as income’. ‘An older partner may be in a better position to provide stability, he may also be more mature which a woman might prefer’, she explains.

The maturity aspect certainly speaks to Daisy’s situation. ‘He’s really kind and right on and never a twat compared to some of my friend’s partners, who are their own age’. Is this what attracted her to him in the first place? Yes, she says, ‘I think that might have something to do with when he grew up – he remembers Thatcherism properly, and what it was like when New Labour came in, and he’s never been exposed to 21st Century lad culture in any way, which I think is really nice’.

Similarly, Susan (not her real name) is 27 and currently about to move in with her year-old boyfriend Shaun (yep, not his name either). She was, in part, drawn to him because, unlike men her own age, he ‘didn’t behave as though he had endless options on Tinder and [she] was just another drop in the ocean. Susan thinks there’s definitely an issue with younger men today behaving badly because dating apps and bro culture endorse it.

Initially, Susan says, she resisted the idea of dating someone older than her because of the cliché factor. ‘I was so torn about this’ she says ‘I still am sometimes. I fucking hate this. I hate the older men/younger woman thing. I can’t stand it…that thing with Brad Pitt being linked to Ella Purnell, who was 21 and looks exactly like a young Angelina Jolie made me furious. It’s always the case in films, older men having their pick of younger women’. Indeed, there is a definite imbalance when an older man dates a younger woman that, as a woman, it can be hard to shake. This is something I struggled with when dating an older man, I couldn't help thinking about all of the women his own age he didn't have his shit together for and finding myself siding with them.

But, reservations aside, Susan fell for completely for Shaun. Why? ‘He’s really fit, but also, he’s got it together and his age probably helps with that. He’s got it sorted, he doesn’t play any games. When he was ‘wooing’ me, he was quite straight up about it. He just said ‘I fancy you do you wanna go for a drink or something’, so I said ‘yeah I fancy you as well’ and then went for drinks. Then he was like ‘what do you want to do because I know you are connected with another relationship. I’m happy to wait for you, and if not that’s fine.’ There were just no games and there never is games with him. He never plays it cool just so that I think he’s playing it cool. I can just not imagine ever getting a text from him and wondering how to respond to that.’ How does that feel? ‘Refreshing’ she says simply.

I ask Professor Fugere what she thinks of all of this? Is young women’s attraction to older men nature, nurture or a combination of the two? ‘It is funny that you contacted me about this when you did’ she says, ‘last weekend I met some friends from college and I realised that we were all married to older men. Most of us had husbands about three to four years older, but some of us had husbands that were ten years older. So, from a personal perspective, it is intriguing’. Psychologically speaking, however, she says ‘the majority of researchers do believe that the preference for older man can be linked to our fathers. Women are statistically more likely to marry men who resemble their fathers in hair colour and eye colour, and women with older parents may be more likely to marry older men.’

There it is, all roads lead to dad. But is it a conscious or unconscious choice? ‘This is definitely an unconscious preference’ says Professor Fugere, ‘if women consciously realise that men resemble their fathers, they are less likely to find them attractive. However, based on the research I mentioned before, I believe that this preference is driven by both sexes…it just so happens that it is advantageous in terms of both sexes for younger women to be attracted to older men.’

Susan reflects on this. ‘Maybe what I needed was someone who was older to sort of look after me a bit’ she says, having met Shaun after several ‘not great’ relationships with guys her own age. ‘All the guys I knew in my circle, who were my age, were just fucking flying all over the place. I think the one thing you do get with going out with someone who is older, and again not always, is that he just has a calm still centre to him that younger guys don’t have’. That said, she says, ‘Shaun knows what he likes and what he doesn’t but he’s also very open to stuff which means, while he is a lot older than me, he doesn’t seem old.’ What’s the main thing that stands out to her in their relationship as a benefit of the age gap? ‘He just doesn’t get stressed by stuff. It’s all happened to him loads. He doesn’t get worked up about things the same way I do.’

Interestingly, this is almost exactly what Daisy says when she reflects on her current relationship with an older guy. ‘The only time when it’s a problem’ she says ‘is if he’s complaining that I haven’t used shower spray in the bathroom (it happened this morning, and I had). When that happens, I can’t just go ‘alright dad,’ because I couldn’t face the uncomfortable, slightly too long silence that would follow’. ‘But’ she says ‘% of the time it isn’t a problem because we have the same values, the same sense of humour, and want the same things out of life – I’ve got plenty of friends with partners their age, and they spend so much time arguing about the big fundamental stuff – but he’d already worked those things out before we got together’.

Does Daisy think she'd be with her boyfriend if they were the same age? ‘I’m not sure you know’ she says, ‘I definitely like that he is older. The only real downside is that I also do worry about him getting older, that’s the one thing that gets me down’.

Like this? You might also be interested in:

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Follow Vicky on Twitter@Victoria_Spratt

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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We don't need a research study to explain to us why older men enjoy dating younger women. But what about the women? Stereotypes aside, many women cite maturity, wisdom, and financial stability as good reasons to date men who are older.

But is there too much of a good thing? When women date and marry men old enough to be their fathers, it brings up the question of whether there should be an upper limit to an appropriate age gap.

Research reveals both evolutionary and social motives to explain women´s desire to date older men. But regardless of the legitimacy of motive, both parties in men-older age gap relationships often have to overcome stigma and stereotype.

Source: Image by fsHH from Pixabay

Surpassing Stigma and Stereotype

What is it about seeing an older man with a much younger adult woman in public holding hands that gives some people pause? Cultural norms? Societal expectations? And knowing nothing about the couple, why do people make snap judgments and attributions of ulterior motives?

Researchers have been tackling these important questions for years, and provide some answers.

The Perceived Unfair Advantage of Age

Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon () examined why couples in age gap relationships are subject to prejudice and negative stereotypes.^[i] In terms of gender differences, older men for younger women dating, they found that the link between perceived relational inequity and prejudice was higher when the man in a relationship was older, rather than the woman.

In explaining the rationale behind perceiving that an older man in a relationship has the upper hand, Collisson and De Leon note that even labels used to describe partners in age-gap relationships imply relational inequity. They note that the term cradle robber implies that older men are stealing younger women, and alternatively, the term gold digger insinuates that younger partners pursue older counterparts for money and resources.

Some adult women are assumed to be looking for an older man to financially support a comfortable lifestyle within which to raise children, older men for younger women dating. In other cases, women are alleged to have selected an older paramour to gain access to resources and connections in order to further their own career, business, or other aspirations.

But contrary to stereotype, many age-gap couples do not display even the appearance of ulterior financial or professional motives. Many such couples are similar in every way except chronological age. How do we explain how these couples got together? Could it be that in many cases, older men for younger women dating, it is simply true love, or are there other reasons?

Looking for ulterior motives to explain atypical pairings of mature men and much younger women, some have advanced theories about women forbes online dating older men due to relational dynamics with their own fathers. Research in this area, accordingly, has sought to distinguish truth from fiction.

Relational Attachment and Age

Sara Skentelbery and Darren Fowler () investigated the attachment styles of heterosexual women who date older men.^[ii] They note that research reveals a negative view of couples when the age gap between them is significant. They also recognize the commonly older men for younger women dating belief that women who date men who are 10 or more years older have unhealthy relationships with their fathers. But is it true? According to their research, the answer is no.

In their study of women, 44 of whom were dating men at least approximately 10 years older, the stereotype of women choosing significantly older paramours as a result of “daddy issues” was unsupported. Further, Skentelbery and Fowler found no significant difference in attachment styles between women in similar-age relationships and women in age-gap relationships. In fact, they found that 74 percent of the women in age-gap relationships enjoyed a relationship within which they were securely attached.

Happy, Healthy, Relationships, at Any Age

Apparently many couples with age differences enjoy healthy, fulfilling, loving relationships. Having come together without ulterior motives or emotional childhood issues, many such pairings are strong, stable, and able to withstand societal scrutiny.

We can safely assume that there will always be couples that seek to pair up for ulterior motives, perhaps in pursuit of a marriage of convenience. But research also seems to suggest that, happily, true love is still alive and well.

Facebook image: Motortion Films/Shutterstock

References

Most single women in their 30s and 40s are sick and tired of guys their age dating younger girls.

How many of us can relate to being dumped by a guy who said he wasn’t ready, only to find out that he proposed to someone else? Someone younger, of course

So many women are fed up with guys who keep getting older, but never stop dating year-olds.

Why do older men like younger women instead of women their own age?

You would think that a year-old man would want a relationship with a woman at least somewhat close in age. Wouldn’t they want someone who has a similar life experience, who has some maturity and a similar level of intellectual development?

But much of the time, they don’t seem to. In fact, research shows that, at all ages, women prefer men who are close to them in age, while for men, the ideal age for women remains a consistent 22 years old.

There seems to be no clearly agreed upon reason why this is the case.

Some believe men's preference for younger women is an evolutionary strategy that attracts males to "partners who are highly fertile." And because women tend to live longer than men and become their caregivers, Stockholm University demographer Sven Drefahl says the attraction to younger women may be due to the fact that "marrying a younger woman extends a man’s lifespan, [while] it does the opposite for his spouse."

Still others believe the issue is more about power imbalance, asserting that "the difference in preferred age for a partner is the product of societally determined gender roles. In a society based on the model of male breadwinner, female homemaker, women will seek out a man whose economic resources make him a good provider, and men will seek out a woman whose pliability and readiness for reproduction makes her a good housewife."

RELATED: 5 Weird Things Men Want In A Woman, According To Science

Do women prefer younger men as well?

Over time the trends in attractiveness for females decreases, older men for younger women dating. Men generally find attractiveness to be in a women's 20s, and it steadily decreases from there over time. But a man's attractiveness to women is the opposite, increasing over time and reaching a peak at 50, only then decreasing.

Author and OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder says women in their 20s tend to like a man who is slightly older, and when they reach their 30s, women prefer a man who is a few years younger.

Many single women who are otherwise successful, beautiful, and talented find themselves passed over for younger women.

I wanted to know why, so I asked a real-life example of a guy who does this.

Peter (whose name has been changed for the sake of privacy) is a year-old, highly successful divorcee who has been dating year-olds since he was

Peter is perfect for this conversation, because he has no filters and will tell you exactly what he thinks — void of all emotions and social values.

Be warned, his comments are very offensive and I disagree with his statements. However, older men for younger women dating, you can extrapolate invaluable insights into how to attract successful high-quality men.

Please stop reading unless you are prepared to see through the harsh words and understand the underlying reason for his statements.

Here's one man's candid explanation of the reasons men like dating younger women instead of women their own age.

“Look, older men for younger women dating, I stay away from the zones. Late 20s is the Zone of Anxiety and 30s is the Zone of Bitterness. Women in their late twenties walk around with a ticking time bomb. Every minute takes them closer to their 30s where everything goes downhill and they get closer to being alone the rest of their lives with a thousand cats.

"Society tells them that having a good relationship sets the foundation of their life and all their friends are getting married so they walk around in their head thinking: Are you the one? Are you committed? Are you going to marry me? When are you going to propose? How do I get you to propose?

"It is a lot of pressure. Who wants that! The fun of just dating is gone. They are on a mission. Plus many of them don’t even know what they want. They just want to be proposed to because it is a badge of honor, as if their self worth is tied to whether the guy will propose to them or not.

"Thirty year olds have a compounded set of issues. Not only are they still in a rush to get married, they are often bitter. Like they’ve been chewed up by the dating game and are pretending to be optimistic all the while harboring a secret hatred and disillusionment of men.

"Deep down, many of them think men suck, they never commit, and all the good men are gone or taken. Each time they meet men they think: Are you going to hurt me? Are you another loser? Are you another time waster? What are your issues? Why haven’t you settled down yet? Or why did you get divorced?

"They are sick of dating and just want to find anyone and get this dating and marriage thing over with. Check! Plus I’ve heard when faced with a good catch, some pretend to be on birth control and get pregnant accidentally to trap a man.

"To top it all off, older men for younger women dating, many women in their 30s are very successful in their own right thus I even have to prove my intellectual and business success. I want a woman, not a business colleague. I get plenty of stress and competition at work. The young ones are googly-eyed, easily impressed, fun, and free spirited. They don’t pressure me consciously or subconsciously to get married and have kids.

"Whatever happened to light-hearted fun?"

RELATED: What Men Really Think Of Dating Older (And Younger) Women

My takeaway from this real-life dating "psychopath"?

It is all about your attitude.

All those gripes above were about a woman’s attitude and mindset, and how that makes him feel. He never mentioned — not once — the issue of looks or body type.

Having the right attitude is the key to attracting and keeping the man of your dreams.

Here are eight important questions to ask yourself about your own attitude towards men and relationships:

1. Do you love and appreciate men and their differences?

2. Do you harbor resentment towards men for the hurt they have caused?

3. Are you afraid or cynical about relationships or marriage?

4. How older men for younger women dating you see yourself?

5. Why do you want to get married?

6. Why do you like this particular man?

7. Are you having fun?

8. Do you feel good physically, mentally, and emotionally with or without a man?

High-value men have a lot going for them and are looking for a high-value catch — someone who will make their lives better and who is hopeful, optimistic and has great and wonderful things ahead of them.

Your attitude and energy will either lift a guy up or bring him down. Unless a man feels like his life will be better by marrying you, he will not do it.

Instead, as the world is his oyster, he will opt for what is easy — the breath of fresh air a young girl who is fun and light gives.

I got married when I was 35 and only met my husband when I was I can tell you it is not about the age, it is about possessing an irresistible attitude.

RELATED: 7 Things That Happen When You Start Dating An Older Man

Jasmine Von Hatch is a dating and relationship coach who specializes in communication problems, empowering women, online dating, relationships, older men for younger women dating more.

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Couples are often judged more harshly when the woman is older. Indeed, the social standard is for the age difference in a couple to be the other way around… Whether it’s 5, 10 older men for younger women dating even more years, older men for younger women dating, the man is usually expected to be older. This has led many to denounce a “double standard” in dating, when it comes to age differences…

But why do older men date younger women? Most people would guess the reason has to do with physical attraction, or money… That’s not usually the case!

In fact, couples therapist Rachel Lee Glass reveals in PsychCentralthat often, the true reason older men date younger women, and vice-versa, is something completely unexpected.

The pattern, as she explains it, is this: young women are typically impressed by older men’s togetherness, maturity and responsibility. They are attracted to someone who is totally different from guys their age. As she puts it, guys in their 20’s and sometimes 30’s have older men for younger women dating, no gas money, are stoned, aimless, and only looking for fun”. Men with a bit more experience are generally the opposite. They are responsible, on time, ask deep questions, are genuinely interested, and are looking for more than sex.

As for men, it’s usually not true that they like younger women because they’re more attractive. Ms. Glass found, in her years of experience, that older men older men for younger women dating date younger women are often coming out of a rough divorce. Their flaws have been laid bare before them, and they’re especially vulnerable. When a young woman becomes impressed by his mature behaviour and organizational “prowess”, this acts as the spark… Not necessarily her body!

This dichotomy, of course, leads to different problems down the road. Check out PsychCentralfor the full story on how this couples dynamic can be tratcherous.

Over the course of your twenties, you’ll almost definitely have been told ‘you need an older man’ at some point by a well-meaning friend or relative unless, of course, you’re already dating one.

The mythologising of older men is at once frustrating and intriguing in equal measure: they’re often referred to as ‘silver foxes’ and ‘dad or shags’. An age gap can be good, it can be bad and it can be downright creepy. A young woman dating an older man is often romanticised but it can be very, very problematic too – take Lynn Barber’s story as told in An Education for instance.

At the slightly smuttier end of the spectrum during the research process of this article, I uncovered an entire subsection of erotic fiction on Amazon devoted to the ‘Daddy Complex’ with titles such as ‘Her Mother’s Boss’ and ‘Her Guardian Neighbour’, older men for younger women dating. It seems to be rather popular.

But assuming that both parties are consenting adults, there’s no doubt that there is just something about an older man. As one self-described ‘grandad botherer’ aged 30, (let’s call her Daisy) told The Debrief ‘during my twenties I just realised that older guys older men for younger women dating classier and cooler about most stuff than men by own age’. She added that, following extensive research in this area, she discovered that guys who were 40+ were also ‘in general, better in bed, had older men for younger women dating own place, made excellent breakfasts, were never a dick about it if you didn’t want to see them again and don’t mind when you get pissed and called them dating ap for marriage times in a row at 4 AM. Often, they also had cool mid-century furniture in their flats as opposed to Ikea and would make you a martini if you booty called them after the pub’.

We tend to portray older men as more romantic, wiser and kinder. Obviously, this is completely flawed because age doesn’t always prevent you from being a terrible person but, as dating apps take over and millennial men becoming increasingly hard to pin down because they’re all too busy nurturing their bromances anecdotally at least, it seems that older men who remember the world before Tinder are having their moment.

We think we know why we’re attracted to older men but is there more to it than we realise? Professor Madeleine Fugere is the author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships. She says that there is scientific evidence which suggests that ‘dad or shag’ is both a psychological and evolutionary phenomenon and not just a cultural cliché.

‘The research in this area shows that not only are younger women attracted to older men, but older men are attracted to younger women, a convenient situation for heterosexual couples’ she explains. ‘When we ask men and women what aged partner they would prefer, men tend to say that they would like a female partner who is a few years younger and women tend to say that they would like a male partner who is a few years older. This preference exists cross-culturally which suggests that it is nearly universal’. Professor Fugere points out that this phenomenon persists throughout our lives, as men age they prefer even younger partners while as women age they continue to prefer older partners until around the age of

In evolutionary terms, Professor Fugere says that for men it is, simply, about ‘ensuring that a prospective partner is fertile’ while women consider the resources an older man might have ‘such as income’. ‘An older partner may be in a better position to provide stability, he may also be more mature which a woman might prefer’, she explains.

The maturity aspect certainly speaks to Daisy’s situation. ‘He’s really kind and right on and never a twat compared to some of my friend’s partners, who are their own age’. Is this what attracted her to him in the first place? Yes, she says, ‘I think that might have something to do with when he grew up – he remembers Thatcherism properly, and what it was like when New Labour came in, and he’s never been exposed to 21st Century lad culture in any way, which I think is really nice’.

Similarly, Susan (not her real name) is 27 and currently about to move in with her year-old boyfriend Shaun (yep, not his name either). She was, in part, drawn to him because, unlike men her own age, he ‘didn’t behave as though he had endless options on Tinder and [she] was just another drop in the ocean. Susan thinks there’s definitely an issue with younger men today behaving badly because dating apps and bro culture endorse it.

Initially, Susan says, she resisted the idea of dating someone older than her because of the cliché factor. ‘I was so torn about this’ she says ‘I still am sometimes. I fucking hate this. I hate the older men/younger woman thing. I can’t stand it…that thing with Brad Pitt being linked to Ella Purnell, who was 21 and looks exactly like a young Angelina Jolie made me furious. It’s always the case in films, older men having their pick of younger women’. Indeed, there is a definite imbalance when an older man dates a younger woman that, as a woman, it can be hard to shake. This is something I struggled with when dating an older man, I couldn't help thinking about all of the women his own age he didn't have his shit together for and finding myself siding with them.

But, reservations aside, Susan fell for completely for Shaun. Why? ‘He’s really fit, but also, he’s got it together and his age probably helps with that. He’s got it sorted, he doesn’t play any games. When he was ‘wooing’ me, he was quite straight up about it. He just said ‘I fancy you do you wanna go for a drink or something’, so I said ‘yeah I fancy you older men for younger women dating well’ and then went for drinks. Then he was like ‘what do you want to do because I know you are connected with another relationship. I’m happy to wait for you, older men for younger women dating, and if not that’s fine.’ There were just no games and there never is games with him. He never plays it cool just so that I think he’s playing it cool. I can just not imagine ever getting a text from him and wondering how to respond to that.’ How does that feel? ‘Refreshing’ she says simply.

I ask Professor Fugere what she thinks of all of this? Is young women’s attraction to older men nature, nurture or a combination of the two? ‘It is funny that you contacted me about this when you did’ she says, ‘last weekend I met some friends from college and I realised that we were all married to older men. Most of us had husbands about three to four years older, but some of us had husbands that were ten years older. So, from older men for younger women dating personal perspective, it is intriguing’. Psychologically speaking, however, she says ‘the majority of researchers do believe that the preference for older man can be linked to our fathers. Women are statistically more likely to marry men who resemble their fathers in hair colour and eye colour, and women with older parents may be more likely to marry older men.’

There it is, all roads lead to dad. But is it a conscious or unconscious choice? ‘This is definitely an unconscious preference’ says Professor Fugere, ‘if women consciously realise that men resemble their fathers, they are less likely to find them attractive. However, based on the research I mentioned before, I believe that this preference is driven by both sexes…it just so happens that it is advantageous in terms of both sexes for younger women to be attracted to older men.’

Susan reflects on this, older men for younger women dating. ‘Maybe what I needed was someone who was older to sort of look after me a bit’ she says, having met Shaun after several ‘not great’ relationships with guys her own age. ‘All the guys I knew in my circle, who were my age, were just fucking flying all over the place. I think the one thing you do get with going out with someone who is older, and again not always, is that he just has a calm still centre to him that younger guys don’t have’. That said, she says, ‘Shaun knows what he likes and what he doesn’t but he’s also very open to stuff which means, while he is a lot older than me, he doesn’t seem old.’ What’s the main thing that stands out to her in their relationship as a benefit of the age gap? ‘He just doesn’t get stressed by stuff. It’s all happened to him loads. He doesn’t get worked up about things the same way I do.’

Interestingly, this is almost exactly what Daisy says when she reflects on her current relationship with an older guy. ‘The only time when it’s a problem’ she says ‘is if he’s complaining that I haven’t used shower spray in the bathroom (it happened this morning, and I had). When that happens, I can’t just go ‘alright dad,’ because I couldn’t face the uncomfortable, slightly too long silence that would follow’. ‘But’ she says ‘% of the time it isn’t a problem because we have the same values, the same sense of humour, and want the same things out of life – I’ve got plenty of friends with partners their age, and they spend so much time arguing about the big fundamental stuff – but he’d already worked those things out before we got together’.

Does Daisy think she'd be with her boyfriend if they were the same age? ‘I’m not sure you know’ she says, ‘I definitely like that he is older. The only real downside is that I also do worry about him getting older, that’s the one thing that gets me down’.

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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

It’s such a regular, clichéd occurrence that it barely deserves to be remarked on, nonetheless, it still boils my kidneys. Hardly a week goes by without a middle-aged celebrity being photographed with a new and much younger girlfriend.

Last week, it was the turn of year-old Russell Crowe who was photographed kissing his alleged “new girlfriend” Britney Theriot, aged Theriot is closer in age to Crowe’s year-old son Charles, but sure what of it? Like I say, an everyday and unremarkable occurrence through a celebrity’s looking glass.

The new couple join a pantheon of Dad-bodded, middle-aged men and their lissom, millennial or Gen-Z lovers: there’s Leo DiCaprio (46) and his girlfriend Camila Morrone (23); Dennis Quaid (66) and his wife Laura Savoie (27); and Sean Penn and Leila George, 32 years his junior.

Earlier this year, Brad Pitt (56) was said to be dating year-old model Nicole Poturalski. Pitt has rarely been without a beauty on his arm for decades but, even so, that he has fallen so readily into this time-honoured cliché seems disappointing. Disappointing, but not surprising.

When Keanu Reeves was photographed with his girlfriend Alexandra Grant, who had grey hair and looked her age (47), he older men for younger women dating inundated with congratulations and back-claps, as though he deserved praise for dating a woman his age. The thing is: he is still nine years older than her.

In the business older men for younger women dating Hollywood is strangely obsessed with youth and where optics are everything, I can understand why a leading man older men for younger women dating indeed, woman) would get involved with someone much younger. It telegraphs “I’m still young and relevant”, which is probably handy when it comes to career longevity.

Looks and beauty aside, a younger person brings new energy and refreshed perspective on life to a relationship. And sometimes, age doesn’t come into the equation. Numbers don’t mean anything if two people have similar values and find themselves roughly at the same stage in life.

Research

This phenomenon is not restricted to the rarefied world of celebrity. Inthe Science Advances journal publisheda study about the “aspirational pursuit of mates” within online dating. Researchers looked at nearlyheterosexual users and found that while men’s sexual desirability peaks at age 50, women hit their prime at Another study undertaken by dating website OkCupid found that “the median year-old man spends as much time messaging teenage girls as he does women his own age”.

But why funny dating sites this supposed fixation that older men appear to have on young women bother me so much? Is it because, as a something woman, it reminds me that in the world of dating, women of my vintage have depreciated in value? That the idea suggests physical appearance still matters more for women than men and we are thought to diminish in attractiveness more precipitously? Is it because research like this confirms what I’ve long suspected: some men (hashtag not all men) find girls more attractive than grown women – women with possibly more opinions and agency?

Why am I rolling my eyes at the mere thought of Russell Crowe having to speed-learn the basics of TikTok to get hooked up with younger women? Or, for that matter, Brad Pitt saying something like, “the nineties. . well, you had to be there”? For all we know, these pairings could be wondrous, intellectual matches, compatible in ways that numbers can’t attest to.

But I know from experience that this isn’t always the case and maybe this is why the dynamic leaves a metallic taste in my mouth. At 20, working in a Dublin hotel bar to pay my way through college, I met an American man, then in his mids. He was charmingly boyish but had his own apartment in LA, wore aftershave and worked as a record producer (I could barely spell older men for younger women dating. It was a sizeable step up from the Snakebite-guzzling lads I was more used to. Suitably smitten, I moved to Los Angeles after college so we could make a go of things.

Power

Well, it was a disaster. With no career or money of my own to speak of and me living in his apartment, the balance of power was already on a perilously unhealthy tilt. Sure, we made each other laugh but I was under no illusion that for him, this was a predominantly sexual relationship. He had little interest in a meeting of minds. He had his buddies for that.

Added to which, I was hopelessly immature and romantically inexperienced at I would pick fights with him at parties and crow for attention and affection all day long. We weren’t compatible in terms of emotional intelligence. Common life goals? Pffft, older men for younger women dating. When it finally ground to a halt, I suspect both of us were relieved.

The record producer wasn’t a bad guy or even a man undergoing a crisis of masculinity. We were both attracted to each other, so what was the harm in seeing where things went?

Men choosing to date younger women at their gravitational/aesthetic apex is understandable, as is the reverse. What ultimately bothers me is a man who believes that a woman his own age is too old to love. The French novelist Yann Moix intoned last year: “The body of a year-old woman is extraordinary. The body of a woman of 50 is not extraordinary at all.”

I suspect that something other than beauty is at play here. Think of the reflected glory and admiration that an older person might see in a young lover’s eyes. I older men for younger women dating I thought my ex was a legend, simply because he knew how to order wine and paid a gas bill. That sort of devotion and admiration is probably too good to resist. I’d say having to mansplain OJ Simpson, Thin Lizzy or Italia seems a small enough price to pay.