Best polyamory dating app - suggest
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ICYMI, there are *so* many dating apps out there nowadays. From Hinge to Bumble to Tinder, if you’re out there in the ~dating world~ odds are that you’ve tried them all. But what about people who identify as polyamorous? It’s a little more difficult to navigate those apps when you’re poly (more on that later), which is why there are great apps out there specifically dedicated to those seeking polyamorous connections.
First things first, what does it mean to be polyamorous, exactly, and how common is polyamory? "Being polyamorous is being in a relationship with more than one person," explains Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life. (Think of it like this: Monogamy means "one" and "poly" means many.) "These are two relationship styles, but both are equally valid," says Engle. Polyamory basically boils down to being non-monogamous in a consensual, ethical way, partnered with opening your heart to more than just one person at a time.
So, what does the term "ethical" mean in this case, since, TBH, it can be subjective? In short, polyamorous relationships can be structured in a bunch of different ways (maybe one person is the primary partner, maybe everyone’s on an even playing field, etc.), but being ethically non-monogamous is a way to ensure that everyone involved in the relationship is comfortable with the situation, explains Women’s Health advisory board member Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a New York-based therapist and author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.
TL;DR, it’s all about communication, transparency, and most importantly, consent in your relationship, Carmichael explains. Because polyamorous relationships involve multiple people, everyone being on the same page is crucial. That said, let’s get into the fun stuff. If you’re polyamorous and you want to spice up your dating life by hopping on some new platforms, we've got you covered. These are the absolute best polyamory dating apps, according to experts.
1. "Traditional" Apps Like Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, etc.
If you’re planning to use one of the more traditionally "monogamous" apps like Hinge or Bumble, there are a few helpful notes for your profile to signify that you’re looking for more than one partner. First, make sure you state that you’re ethically non-monogamous (ENM) in your profile, says Janet Brito, PhD, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist based in Hawaii. For seeking other polyamorous individuals, you can also write that you’re seeking "like-minded folks."
Looking to add a third party to your current duo? Just make that clear, and ensure that both you and your current partner have account access, Engle explains. It may help to even set boundaries with that partner so that you’re using it together rather than separately. "Total transparency is needed to make this work," Engle says. "Don't be cagey or coy, because that is coming from a place of dishonesty, which is not a good place to start." Noted!
2. Feeld
PSA: Feeld is one of the best apps out there for poly folks, according to Engle. "People have better overall experiences with this app, as it's meant for open relationships and those looking to explore alternative-style sex, such as kinks," Engle says.
In short, Feeld encourages you to be yourself on the platform, Brito says, even if that includes seeing several people. (AKA, it’s a breath of fresh air.)
3. #Open
Ever heard of #open? "It’s a new app built on the concept of non-monogamous dating," says Engle.
So yep, this app is literally designed for polyamorous, ENM, and open people. They have a breadth of virtual and IRL community events, too, so you can get a jump start on meeting your next crush ASAP, all while being surrounded by like-minded people.
4. Ashley Madison
You’ve probably heard of Ashley Madison, the website known for affairs and discreet dating. "It’s popular but controversial," says Brito. "Lots of folks use it."
Now in app format too, the site claims that the service is legit for everyone, including polyamorous individuals specifically, Brito notes. The main tenet is that Ashley Madison is a judgment-free zone, which means it’s also a place where poly people can explore their sexuality and date, too.
5. BiCupid
"This app caters to bisexual folks seeking polyamory," Brito explains. In short, BiCupid is for everyone who’s into a wide range of relationship styles. Whether you’re looking to add a third to your current relationship, want to meet more single polyamorous people, or just want to chat with other bi-identified folks, you can do that on BiCupid.
6. OkCupid
No, OkCupid isn’t specifically known for its polyamorous community, but it actually *does* now have features that allow you to express your polyamory identity, says Brito. This means that you can search and match with other polyamorous people on the app seeking both short-term connections and longer-term relationships in your area.
7. Downdating
Up for hookups, specifically? Downdating is the app for you, says Brito. It allows you to select whether you’d specifically like to go on a date or just ~hook up~ with a certain person, which the company feels is a more honest and mature way to approach dating. If you’re poly, this means that you have the opportunity for a variety of different experiences at your disposal.
8. MoreThanOne
MoreThanOne is designed *specifically* for polyamorous folks. The app is for both single polyamorous people as well as for open, ethical, non-monogamous relationships. And, yes, according to the app, it’s welcoming of all genders, sexualities, and identities, in case you’re not about putting labels on any of your own identities.
9. PolyFinda
Another app built to fill a gap in the polyamorous dating space, PolyFinda lets you navigate dating the way you want. It was made for all genders and preferences by members of the polyamorous community, and you’re encouraged to put all of your information out there: State whether you’re in a pair and looking to add more members to your relationship, any characteristics about the people you’re looking for, or whether or not you’re in the mood for something casual.
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Polyamorous dating sites and apps
One of the easiest and most transparent ways to meet other non-monogamous people is online. While there sadly aren’t many great polyamorous dating sites currently, there’s a range of apps that allow you to be very upfront about your relationships. Luckily for you, I’ve pretty much tried them all so you can read about the best and the worst ones below.
I’ve also discussed how queer-friendly each app is, especially when it comes to queer women and trans people. I also should point out that I live in London, so these are the best apps I’ve found for polyamorous people in the UK. If you live in the US, I’ve included some links to other polyamorous dating sites and apps that I’ve come across but not tried myself. Comment below and let me know if you have another one to recommend.
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OkCupid
Widely considered to be one of the best apps for open relationships and non-monogamous dating, OkCupid works on a platform that matches people based on their profile categories (such as sexuality, gender identity and relationship status) and their answers to questions about your life, giving people a percentage match based on their algorithm of compatibility.
I find OkCupid the best app for polyamorous dating because there are a lot of non-monogamous people on there and you can filter out anyone who identifies as straight. As someone who usually dates other queer-identified people, this is a huge benefit for me, so I don’t have to spend hours scrolling through cis straight men. Plus, you can link your profile to one (yes, just one) of your partners, which helps build a clearer picture of your non-monogamous status. Also, if you aren’t into apps or are trying to spend less time on your phone, their dating site is just as good for swiping and connecting with people.
#open
I discovered the #open dating app after the founders were interviewed on the podcast Multiamory. I was really impressed to hear that not only is a dating app that is specifically for the sex-positive and non-monogamous communities. They also don’t share anything with Facebook – so no linked log-ins and therefore no dating sharing.
This polyamorous dating app is still in the early days of development, so there aren’t loads of people on here in the UK yet but there’s still enough to make it worth the effort. One of the interesting things about #open is that it’s based around hashtags, which means you can search for people with the same interests or kinks. So whether you’re into jelly or pegging, you can easily find people like you.
Feeld
This app was originally launched as 3nder, positioning itself as the Tinder for matching couples with people interested in threesomes (or moresomes). Since rebranding as Feeld, this app is now quite popular with people interested in ‘polyamory, kink, and alternative sexual preferences.’
This is one of my favourites apps for meeting people as it lets you swipe left on someone but still be able to see them again. It’s only if you actively hit the minus (–) button that you never see them again. So you can build up a shortlist of people you may want to connect with but aren’t sure yet. Perfect for anyone as indecisive and picky as I am. The biggest downside about Feeld for me is that you can’t filter by sexuality, so most of my time on Feeld is spent scrolling through the predominantly large amount of straight men.
Feeld is also one of the best hookup apps for couples as you have the option to link your profile with one (yes, just one) of your other partners so you can indicate that you are non-monogamous – or just mention it in your bio.
Her
This women-only dating app was recently updated to make it more inclusive of different identities and relationship models. This was definitely a great move towards making Her a lot more relevant for queer women, and while I’m yet to meet anyone great from this app, I really appreciate that everyone’s profiles are now a lot clearer about what they currently have and what they are ideally looking for.
Her now lets you list if you’re looking for a monogamous or a non-monogamous relationship, which I find hugely beneficial. Makes my swiping decisions so much easier if someone states clearly what they’re after and stops people from wasting each other’s time.
Taimi and Fiori
I’ve listed these two apps together as they appear to be useful for the trans community (at least, from what I can tell as a cisgendered person).
Taimi was originally launched in 2017 as a dating app for gay men but quickly increased its scope to include all LGBTQI+ people. Still, it feels quite skewed towards gay men as you’re asked to identify if you’re a top, bottom or switch when you create a profile. Once I joined, I was surprised to discover loads of people who… didn’t really look that queer.
After much confused swiping, I realised that the app attracts a lot of straight men who are interested in women, both cis and trans. If you’re a trans woman and would like to share your thoughts on this app, I would love it if you could comment below. Otherwise, I didn’t find Taimi to be that diverse and after only a couple of weeks of exploring it, I deleted this app.
Fiori only launched in early 2020 but already I’m quite impressed by it. This dating app is for transgender and non-binary people plus their cisgender allies. Unlike Taimi, this app feels genuinely inclusive. I’ve even seen some cis gay men with profiles on here saying that they joined because they wanted to be part of something that was queerer than other apps.
Having only recently launched, it still doesn’t have loads of people on there but I recommend giving it a try. As someone who is quite skoliosexual, I really liked that Fiori lets you filter everyone and only see those who identify as non-binary. If you’re trans and/or non-binary and have used this app, I would love to hear your thoughts on it in the comments as well.
Tinder, Hinge and Bumble
Ah, Tinder. It’s a very open playing field. The best thing about Tinder is pretty much everyone is on there but it’s also the worst thing too. Be prepared to do a lot of swiping to find before you’ll find anyone great. People don’t add much info to their profiles and rarely read yours before they swipe right, so it takes a lot of work to find people who are ethically non-monogamous. However, it’s still worth a shot, especially when you’ve exhausted the apps above.
For me, Hinge isn’t that different from Tinder. The profile set-up does mean you have to add a little info about yourself but aside from that, the app has a pretty similar structure with a broad pool of people that you can’t filter apart from gender. That said, I have seen a couple of non-binary celebs on there recently (a certain drag queen and another model) so it clearly is becoming more popular with the queers.
Regarding Bumble Date, I say don’t bother. Even though the app has quite a feminist ethos (only women can approach men), the whole app is structured around the gender binary. It’s overwhelmingly straight and I don’t think it ever tried to match me with a woman. I’ve heard good things about Bumble BFF though if you’re looking to make new friends.
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More polyamorous dating sites
- Alt Playground – USA only.
- FetLife – Kinky social network.
- Lex – no pictures, just text and only for queers.
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