You found them! You’ve found the perfect man or woman (at least based on their profile), and you’re ready to get in touch with them and start the conversation. But, what do you write? What do you say? How do you show interest without sounding like a weirdo? Knowing what to say when you send the first online dating message can seem tough.

But, we’re here to help! Not all heroes wear capes, right? In this guide, we’re going to walk you through everything you need to know to craft the perfect first message that is going to get your message across clearly and help you to get the most responses from that guy or girl you’re interested in.

Before We Go Any Further

Before we talk about the specifics of sending that perfect first message, we need to make sure you’ve got something else in check. We’re talking about your online dating profile. You could send the most perfect first message to your love interest, but if you’re dating profile is incomplete, or not up to par, they’re going to just delete your message. You see, the first thing that most people do after they receive a message is not respond. They look at your profile. THEN if they like what they see, they’ll respond to your message.

So, before you even start tackling that first message, you need to make sure that your online dating profile is all squared away. Not sure what to do? Don’t worry, we got you covered there as well. Our guide to how to write the perfect online dating profile will show you everything you need to know to make sure you’re all squared away.  Once you’re all set, we can start worrying about how to craft that perfect first message.

The Simple Solution of What to Say In Your First Message

There are a million ways to skin a cat…That’s a cheesy phrase that some people say (mostly people in the military) that just means there are a lot of different methods that can work and accomplish the same job. Yes, there are a ton of different first messages that you can send that will work great, but we want to give you a foolproof formula to get it done right.

Here’s the formula:

Greeting + Thing that shows you read their profile + Something About You + Open ended question = Perfect first dating message

Here’s an example and then we will break it down piece by piece.

Hey! I love that you like to volunteer with dogs. I have a terrier named Rocket who is my best friend. Have you always had dogs?

That is a PERFECT first message. It shows that you’re friendly, actually read through their profile, a little bit about yourself, and gives them an easy way to continue the conversation. Let’s break this down piece by piece.

The Greeting

This is the easy part! All you have to do is say hi. We do recommend that you stick with ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’ and don’t say ‘Sup’ or ‘Yo wud up mama’ or something like that. You can use an exclamation point if you’d like, but it’s not necessary. We like it because it leads off with some nice energy and shows you’re a lively person. It takes it away from seeming like a business-type email and makes it a bit more playful.

Thing That Shows You Read Their Profile

This is a MUST. One of the most annoying things that turns people off with online dating is when you message them without reading their profile. It makes them feel like you don’t care enough to take the time to read what they’ve prepared or you’re just out sending mass messages which if you’ve read our blog on first message mistakes, you know is a huge no-no.

Take the time to read their profile and make sure they are someone you are interested in. We’ve even seen some people put things in their profile that they ask you to say to prove you read it. For example, “Put the word orange in your subject message to let me know you read my profile.” If you don’t do this, you’re getting ignored even if you have the best first dating message ever.

Look for something that you think is cool or that you like or have in common.

“I see you’re into _______.”

“I liked your picture at ________.”

“I think it’s awesome that you are involved with _______.”

“I’ve never met a ________ before.”

These are just a few examples, but you’re probably getting the idea. It’s okay to compliment slightly here, but don’t go overboard or you may start to seem desperate. Something like “OMG I love that you volunteer with dogs. I always knew my future wife would be into dogs,” is probably a little over the top. Also, try and stay away from complimenting them physically. This goes for men and women. Unless you’re just looking for a fling, this is not the right foot you want to start your dating journey on. Let them know you care more than just about how they look.

Something About You

Follow this up with something about you that is interesting. It’s best if it relates to the thing that you mentioned in their profile. “Hey! I see that you like dogs. I love rocket ships…” just doesn’t have the same effect. Try your best to find some commonalities between you two and use that to your advantage.

Remember, this is not the time to brag because you will come across pretty terribly. Just tell them something interesting that relates to what you saw that you liked about them.

Open-Ended Question

This part is a lot more important than it might seem. Some people aren’t the best at conversation, especially with complete strangers. So, it’s nice if you give them an easy way to respond and keep the conversation going. This is why we like to ask questions that are open-ended and easy to respond to.

Open-ended means that the answer is not easily a one-word answer. Yes, in our first example you could technically answer yes or no to whether you had dogs forever, but most people are going to give you a lot more than that. If you ask them a question like what is your favorite color or what is your favorite food, it doesn’t really open up the conversation. They’ll usually just answer the question and then it’s awkward for you to figure out how to respond.

You: Hey! I love that you like to volunteer with dogs. I have a terrier named Rocket who is my best friend. What’s your favorite kind of dog?

Them: Thanks. Shitzus, u?

You: Terriers.

((Crickets))

This is why you want to avoid questions like this. You don’t need to ask them to tell you their whole life story, but at least make things easy for them to respond. On that note, don’t ask complicated or super deep questions. Here’s a TERRIBLE example:

Hey! I love that you like to volunteer with dogs. I have a terrier named Rocket who is my best friend. What are your thoughts on kill shelters for dogs?

While you may or may not care about the answer to this question, this is way too heavy of a topic to lead off with. Keep things light, and there will always be time to talk about deeper topics like this later…much later.

A Wrap-Up

So, remember, this is the formula:

Greeting + Thing that shows you read their profile + Something About You + Open ended question = Perfect first dating message

Keep it simple and let the conversation happen. You’ll be surprised at the results that you’ll get if follow this to a T.

What Not to Do In The First Message

We led off talking about what you should do in your first message to a potential date, but now we need to cover something more important – what NOT to do or say in your first message in online dating. Doing any of these things is most certainly going to get your message deleted with no response even from someone who may have been into you had you done things the right way.

Don’t Go Overboard With Compliments

It’s cool to give a slight compliment on something other than their physical appearance in a first message. But, anything other than that is going to make you seem desperate or creepy. They’ll already know you’re attracted to them based on the fact that you are messaging them. Keep the compliments to a minimum; there will be plenty of time for that later. The goal here is to get a conversation started and while you think compliments are going to help, you are incorrect.

Avoid Touchy Subjects

You want to keep things light at the beginning of a conversation or potential relationship. There is no value in dropping anything deep or getting into touchy subjects right off the bat. Some of you may think it makes you look deep, cultured, or worldly, but again, you are incorrect. Even if they put something deep in their profile, save it for later in the conversation. Stick to things that you would feel comfortable talking to a stranger about in public. If that doesn’t limit the list at all, use your brain because we’re confident you know what we’re talking about. We’re just trying to help you succeed.

Don’t Send a Novel

It can be soooooooo tempting to send a super-long message to someone especially when you think they’re incredible based on their dating profile. But, it’s a little weird and sets a standard that they may not be ready to reciprocate. Look, we think it’s awesome that you’re willing to take the time to write out an intensely long and detailed message to someone you’ve never met.

But, it’s not going to have the results you expect. It’s going to feel weird why someone is committing so much time and resources to someone they’ve never even spoken to. It might sound poetic to you, but it’s not. Also, it might make the other person feel like they have to respond with just as long of a message which they may not have the time to do. What will they do instead? Probably just delete your message or just let it sit there in their inbox for eternity until they “have the time to respond” which will be never.

Stick to the formula we gave you for the perfect first message, or at least keep it under a couple sentences if you choose to go it alone.

Don’t Send a D*ck Pic

Happy to report that we STILL have to put this. Actually, we’re not happy about it. While you might think this is a great way to get the girl you’re interested in talking to to talk to you, you are wrong. It’s classless and trashy to send something like this unsolicited. If they ask for it later down the line, we’re not here to judge you. But, sending this in the first message is ridiculous and really should count as sexual harassment if you ask us. If you walked up and just showed your junk to someone in public, you would be arrested. It would be nice if it were the same on the internet.

Keep it in your pants until the time is right.

The Conclusion

Don’t overthink the first message to someone you’re interested in. Follow our simple formula, and you’ll be getting responses in no time. Remember, read their profile and make sure you don’t do any of the no-no’s we mentioned. You will have a lot of luck, and you won’t have to sit there for hours anymore staring at the screen trying to figure out what to write.

Greeting + Thing that shows you read their profile + Something About You + Open ended question = Perfect first dating message

Read: The Best Dating Apps of The Year

Written By:Jason Lee

Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.

His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.

Tired of not getting responses to the messages you send on online dating sites and apps?

Whether it’s Match.com, OkCupid, POF, Tinder, or Hinge, sending that first message to a girl you really like and getting no response is one of the worst things about online dating.

Especially when it happens over and over.

That’s a big reason why many online daters give up entirely within just a few months.

But don’t throw in the towel just yet – we’ve got 11 online dating first message examples that work like magic to get responses, and you can use them today!

Revealed: The Opening Line No Woman Can Resist! [Access Now]

Not only will you get proven-to-work examples you can use right now, you’ll also get the online dating message tips you need to come up with your own unique conversation starters – and the best times to send them.

Just follow the expert advice in this short article and watch your inbox fill up with women who are excited to meet you in person!

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. It’s true – scientists have proven it.

But the key to having a successful first message, of course, is actually being funny.

On Tinder, you can pair an attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous message…

Message Example #1:

On a dating site like Match.com or POF, you could make a joke about the shared experience of scrolling through profile after profile…

Message Example #2:

Finding common ground is a pro move, because if you can make her think the two of you are similar she’s more likely to respond.

Women are simply more comfortable around people who remind them of themselves.

Which brings us to our next examples of opening lines…

First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground

Travel makes an awesome subject for a first message because it’s something most women enjoy doing, or at least enjoy dreaming about.

Message Example #3:

And who doesn’t like to at least think they have a great sense of adventure? It's a topic you'll find mentioned in just about every person's profile.

Many online dating sites have keyword searches, so you can filter for women who also enjoy a certain hobby.

So if you’re into skiing, you can send a “stock” message about a certain topic to any interesting women who mention it in their profiles.

Message Example #4:

On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, you can take a quick glance at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out.

For instance if you find you both love dogs, this would be a good first message for online dating…

Message Example #5:

You’ll save a ton of time once you have a “go-to” copy and paste message for any hobby that you’d like to share with your matches. (Skeptical about the effectiveness of copy & paste? Read this article.)

First Message Strategy #3: Inspire A Craving

Message Example #6:

(Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match, OkCupid or POF. You’re going to want to keep your messages quite a bit shorter on apps like Tinder and Bumble.)

Certain words are attention-grabbing because they sound delicious. Chocolate, cheesecake, ala mode… who wouldn’t want to keep reading?

Notice how it starts off with a light compliment.

Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments.

Don’t make the rookie mistake of praising her physical appearance, especially when you're trying to start a conversation with a girl online for the first time.

Tons of guys do it, and she gets tons of messages with some variation of “you’re hot”. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her.

Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, dating app Hinge discovered girls are 40% more likely to reply to messages about food.

Here’s a short, delicious sounding message that’s perfect for a dating app…

Message Example #7:

First Message Strategy #4: Get Personal

Message Example #8:

It’s basic human nature to love talking about yourself.

In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good.

Ask her an open-ended question that gets her to share something about herself, and she’s instantly in her Happy Place. And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number.

The example above is more suited for an online dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this…

Message Example #9:

First Message Strategy #5: Show Off Your Creative Side

Message Example #10:

Most of your competition is sending her lame first messages like “Hey, how was your weekend?” and “Hi, I’m John.”

That’s great news for you, because it gives you the opportunity to shine by asking her an interesting, funny or creative question like this…

Message Example #11:

So What Do All These First Messages Have In Common?

They all accomplish 3 things:

1. They instantly pique her curiosity. If she doesn’t even want to keep reading, why would she bother responding, much less want to meet you in person?
2. They set you apart from the crowd. Remember, if she’s getting tons of messages from guys just like you. You’ve got to out-message them every time.
3. They ask her a question. You need to make it as easy as possible for her to respond, and controlling the conversation is a simple way to do it.

Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener.

Miss one of them, and she’s moving on to the next person.

The Best Time To Send Your First Message

To increase your odds of getting a response to your message, send them at a time it’s likely to be convenient for her to answer.

Weekday evenings are generally the best time to send an online dating icebreaker. Many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix.

According to Nielsen, activity on both OkCupid and Tinder peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm. On Bumble, the real action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm.

And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use.

NBC News did a little investigating, and found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased activity on dating sites and apps.

In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. During winter storm Juno, activity on Hinge picked up by a whopping 47%, which led to a 56% spike in the number of phone numbers exchanged, and an incredible 96% increase in 2-way message exchanges.

On OkCupid, a little rain translates to a 10% increase in activity on the site. On Match, activity typically increases around 33% during snowstorms, and big storms go hand in hand with a 20-40% increase in Bumble activity.

Throw a pandemic into the mix, and there's never been a better time to download a dating app & start trying to meet someone special online.

No Response To Your First Message? Here’s What To Do Next!

Of course, there’s no copy and paste message that’s guaranteed to start a conversation every time you send it.

There are a ton of variables involved, like your photos and your online dating profile. If those aren’t top notch, our Ultimate Guide To Online Dating has all the tools and tips you need to bring them up to snuff.

Other variables you can’t control, like what she’s doing when she’s reading your message.

If she’s sneaking a peek at her Match messages in between meetings, she may not have a chance to respond and forget to come back to it later.

So if f you don’t get a response, give her a second chance.

Try a light-hearted follow up message like this one…

Second Message Example:

But if she still doesn’t bite, move on.

The more messages you send, the more desperate you look. Besides, there’s plenty more interesting, attractive women out there so focus your efforts on them.

Why Savvy Guys Use Copy & Paste Messages

Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room: copy & paste messages.

A few online dating “experts” will tell you they don’t work. Online daters are too smart to fall for them. They’re a huge turn off.

Blah blah blah. Those guys clearly haven’t done their homework.

Here’s the truth in a nutshell.

Statistically speaking, you’re looking at an uphill battle.

The average guy has to crank out 114 messages in order to be 99% sure of getting one reply – and spend around 6.7 hours a week doing it.

Given that fact, why would you spend tons of time scanning each and every woman’s profile, then writing a message customized just for her?

That's crazy – you don't have that kind of time, especially when it's a numbers game. There’s a much better way to beat those odds, and boost your response rate at the same time.

Here at VIDA, we’ve been using the copy and paste approach since 2009.

Not only do copy and paste messages work, but we get incredible results for our clients with them. Our in-house data doesn’t lie.

Other industry experts recognize the wisdom of the copy and paste method as well.

OkCupid’s Christian Rudder said using template messages not only saves you time in the short term, but they’re a more effective long-term strategy as well.

And even if a woman calls you out on sending a template message, so what?

You’ve gotten a response that you can turn into a conversation. And many intelligent daters recognize the wisdom of using them, like this woman who weighed in on a Quora forum discussion:

When your first message is interesting and creative, the odds are good she’s going to reply to it.

Why? Because when you ask her a question that’s fun to think about and respond to, you’ve sparked an emotional connection.

That’s the reason you’re not getting good results (if any) with first messages like “Hey” and “Hi there”.

Where’s the fun in writing a response to that?

And even worse, you’ve put the burden of continuing the conversation on her, so coming up with a response is work for her.

The hotter she is, the more burdened with messages she gets, so she’ll only respond to the best messages in her inbox.

Nothing kills your online dating game quicker than being dull, assuming she's on a dating app just to hook up, or sounding just like every other guy who's messaged her that day.

Meet More High-Quality Women – Fast!

We’ve shared 11 first message examples that work brilliantly, but that’s only the beginning. You’ll be getting a ton of responses, which means you’ve got to keep the online dating conversation going and ask her out.

You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and build attraction with every message. Yup – there’s a reason so many guys complain that modern dating is exhausting.

You can skip all that stress, and go straight to the dates.

With VIDA, it’s really that easy. Our online dating experts handle your profile, your photo, and all that tedious back-and-forth messaging. All you do is show up for the dates! Click here to find out more.

There is a time and way to do it the right way. 

We’ve all been in this situation: You go on one or two dates with someone only to realize it’s not going anywhere. Your date is keen to see you again and texts to set up your next meeting. Your first instinct is to delay. You’ll just push the person off for a few days and then eventually stop returning their texts. They’ll get the message, right?

Anyone who’s ever been ghosted will tell you that no, they didn’t get the message. This behavior is the worst, and here at Bumble HQ we’re advocating for an end to this terrible modern dating trend. We’re all about being honest and kind to our romantic, platonic, andbusiness connections — even if they don’t work out.

The solution is quick, easy, and right at your fingertips: A friendly, concise text message. We’ll walk you through an easy formula for letting this person know you’re not interested in a graceful, mature way that will leave both of you with closure and minimal hurt feelings.

*BUT FIRST, A CAVEAT: If this is an actual breakup, as in, you’ve gone on more than four or five dates, you shouldn’t be doing this via text. A call or an afternoon coffee is owed. The text should only be used very early on to end something that never really got off the ground.

The formula for this text is simple and can be applied to just about any dating scenario. It should be tailored to your personal experience, but remember to keep it short, kind, and slightly vague. (This helps avoid feelings of deep hurt and rejection on the part of the receiver. And if you’re on the receiving end of this text, check out our tips on how to deal with a breakup.)

PART I: Start with a salutation and genuine compliment.

This may sound like a trivial detail, but you don’t want to come in hot with a “Hey!” when you’re about to let someone down. Avoid exclamation points (and emojis) throughout this text. Addressing this person by name and with a comma is probably best, as in, “Hi Greg,”.

Next, if this person invited you out and paid for all or most of your date(s), say thank you. This can be easily combined with a compliment about the date. If you did the asking and either split the bill or covered it yourself, you can skip this part. An example would be, “Thanks so much for the cocktails on Thursday night, I enjoyed talking Game of Thrones theories and swapping travel stories with you.”

This is not a moment to say, “You’re so sweet and funny and nice, but…” and then deliver a blow. The compliment should center around the date, the conversation, or an extremely vague personality reference like, “You seem like a great guy.” If you’re overly complimentary, ending things directly after won’t make any sense.

PART II: Give your reason for ending things.

Again, there’s no need to be specific here. Being rejected is always going to sting a bit. Calling out a person’s flaws and why they’re wrong for you is cruel and not necessary. We recommend following up your thank you and compliment with one of these short and clear phrases that will kindly and gracefully communicate that you do not want another date.

“However, I just didn’t feel a spark.”

“Ultimately, though, I think we’re better as friends.”

“But, I don’t really think we’re a good match after all.”

“That said, I don’t feel a romantic connection.”

“But, I think we should end things here.”

“However, I think our vibe is more platonic.”

It’s up to you to decide what kind message most accurately conveys your feelings and seems right for this particular person. For example, if you truly wouldn’t want to see this person again, don’t bring up the possibility of friendship.

PART III: Gently close the door on future possibilities.

Remember that this early on, you’re not obligated to explain yourself any further. There’s no need to expand on why you don’t feel a spark or why you want to end things here. Conclude the text with a simple, friendly indication that this relationship has run its course.

Here are a few examples of how the whole text might read:

Hey Tom, thanks for drinks the other night. I had a nice time getting to know you and talking about our mutual love of dogs. However, I just didn’t really feel a spark.

Hi Sam, thanks again for that delicious dinner on Thursday. I’ve given it some thought, and while I enjoyed swapping music reccomendations, I didn’t feel a romantic connection with you. I wish you all the best.

Hi there Alex, rock climbing last with you week was a totally new and exciting experience, and I had a good time. Ultimately, though, I think we’re better as friends. I wish you the best.

*AND FINALLY, ANOTHER CAVEAT: If this person was not a good date, you are within your bounds (and frankly, encouraged!) to say so. If they didn’t ask you any questions, if they were rude to your waiter, if they made inappropriate advances, etc., you can alter the text to skip the compliment. You could say simply, “Hi Greg – thanks for the drinks on Tuesday. I think we should end things here because on our date, you didn’t ask me any questions and talked only about yourself. I found that behavior off-putting. I wish you the best of luck out there.”

For more on how to reject someone nicely, click here!

Find Your Match

You sign up on a site or social media, create a profile, and now you are ready to write your first online dating message to someone who caught your eye, but you freeze when you try to type the words. Should you start off with a simple hello and see if you get a response? Should you wait until they take the dive first?

You may have tons of other questions running through your mind, but don’t let those doubts and worries stop you from reaching out to someone you are initially attracted to.

If you want online dating to be successful, the first message is crucial. Imagine being the home team at a baseball game and you are up to bat. The bases are loaded, it’s a full count, and your team is down by one run. Do you let your fear and nerves get to you? If you want to be successful, then of course you don’t! You wait for the right pitch, swing your bat, and hope for the best.

There is a lot of great advice on writing your online dating first message and it’s really simpler than you think. It’s easy to overcomplicate it and make too much of it but that’s a mistake! We’re going to show you how to write a simple and effective message that above all gets results. It might not be a homerun every time but it will definitely get you on base.

Alright, enough with the sports terms – let’s get you ready to send a well-devised message to someone!

The Title

When you are creating your first online dating message, don’t go overboard with the title. Keep it short and sweet and let the rest of your message do the talking for you. Here are some sample titles that you may want to use:

• Hi There
• I Really Enjoyed Reading Your Profile
• It Looks Like We Have a Lot in Common
• You Caught My Eye

Feel free to be creative but avoid saying “hey sexy” or “your body is so hot.”

The First Sentence

Find Some Common Ground

Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were someone significant. The result:. Online dating advice at its best. Netspeak, bad say, and bad spelling are message turn-offs. These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit examples we do!

There’s more to it than you think

This makes a certain sense:. You might think that words like gorgeous , beautiful , girl sexy are guy things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. On profile other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:. The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. But very pretty is almost always used you describe the online something or message looks, and you can see how that works out. First took a close look at salutations. The more informal when greetings:. There profile many guy on guy effective end of our list like first , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes! Guy girl specific things that interest you message that you might have in site with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. Awkward , sorry , apologize , you , and probably all made male messages more successful, yet dating of them except sorry affects female messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a how works well online.

It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way:. Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have someone religion. These are the religious terms that message a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often times per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and profile of for profile and for muslim.

But ideally you online just disbelieve the whole thing. The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data. No one at OkCupid read any message user messages to compile this post. Written by Christian Rudder. Give OkCupid. Sign in Get started. Sep 13,. Learn more.

Get examples Get updates. Tired of not getting responses to the messages you send on online dating sites and apps? Profile follow how expert advice in this short article and examples your inbox fill up message women who are message to meet you in person! Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. The trick, of course, lies in actually being funny. On a free dating websites for single moms site like Match. Women are simply more comfortable around people site remind them of themselves. Many online dating sites like Match.

On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, you can you a quick profile at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out. For instance if message find you both love dogs, you could send a message like this:. Read this article. Certain words are attention grabbing because they sound delicious. Say how it starts off with a light compliment.

There’s more to it than you think

Complimenting guy will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her. Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just first well on dating apps. In fact, it literally stimulates your brain when makes you feel good. And the better profile feels profile talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number. The example above is more suited for a dating site where longer messages are the norm, say you examples get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this:. Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener. Weekday evenings are generally examples — many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app how catching up on Netflix. According to Nielsen , activity on both OkCupid guy Site peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm.

On Bumble, the site action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm. And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or profile, put these first what examples say good use. NBC News did a little investigating, first found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased guy on dating when and apps. In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. Send her a light-hearted follow up message like this one:. The message messages you send, the more desperate you look. You are too smart to fall for them. Blah blah blah. Not only do copy and paste messages work , but we get guy results for our clients with them.

Other industry experts recognize the wisdom of the copy and profile method as well. And even if a woman calls you out on sending a template message, so what? And many intelligent women recognize the wisdom of using them, like how one who how in on a Quora forum discussion:. Nothing guy your online dating game quicker than being dull.

You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and build attraction with every message. You can skip all that stress, and go straight to the dates. Our online dating experts handle your profile, your photo, and all that tedious back-and-forth messaging.

3 ways to say hello to someone online

All you do is show up girl the dates! Click here site find out more. Say dating to the hassle and someone of online guy - we'll craft an what dating profile, send engaging messages, and site book your dates for you. Thousands of guys have first made lasting connections with beautiful women, and we're ready to make you our next success story. Skip to content.

Especially when it happens over and over. Exclusive Bonus:. Download our 5 favorite conversation starters you get immediate response from attractive women.

First Message Strategy 1:. Go For Laughs Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys when a sense of message attractive. When Tinder, you can pair girl attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous message:. Which brings us to our next examples… First Online Strategy 2:. For instance if examples find you both love dogs, you could send a message like this:.

First Message Strategy 3:.

Inspire A Craving Note:. First Message Strategy 4:.

Struggling to come up with an online dating first message that will get a response? Turns out, most men fear writing that first message, so you’re not alone.

The good news is we’ve got you covered with 5 online dating first message strategies (with copy-and-paste examples to get you started).

But First, 2 Quick Tips

Use their name.

Research shows people really like hearing (or reading) their name. A general rule of thumb for an online dating first message is if you can organically and naturally work their name in, you should.

Ask a question.

You’re much more likely to get a response from your match if your online dating first message asks a fun or unusual question. This will pull your match out of auto pilot swiping mode and switch her attention to you. Jumping right into a specific convo shows experience chatting up women.

Online Dating First Message #1: ___ or ___?

An open-ended question like “What kind of things are you into?” is kinda boring to answer, and forces your match to steer the direction the convo will go in.

An either/or question format is assertive, and takes charge in a sexy way.

Examples:

You: Peanuts or almonds?
Cait: Almonds 100%. I’m actually allergic to peanuts!
You: Oh shoot…so you’re telling me Reeses aren’t a part of your life? 😳
Cait: Haha no unfortunately 😭😭😭

You: Jon Snow or Khal Drogo?
Leanna: Asking the right questions
Leanna: And the impossible ones
Leanna: God, I guess I’d have to go with Khal Drogo. Less broody…and pale.

Online Dating First Message #2: Last Thing

It’s deceivingly simple to ask the last thing your match did as your online dating first message, but it’s a super effective strategy. This is the kind of question a friend would ask, so you are starting things off intimately without coming off as creepy.

The “last thing” could be anything — last book she read, last podcast she listened to, last cool restaurant she went to … the list is endless, and easy to tailor to an interest she mentions in her bio.

Examples:

You: Hi, Madeline. What’s the last trip/vaca you’ve taken?
Madeline: Hey! I went to L.A. last month, and it was pretty great
You: Awesome! What kind of stuff did you do there?
Madeline: I was only there a weekend, but I checked out Malibu, Calabasas, and Echo Park area mostly.

You: Last movie you went to see in the theater?
Casey: Hey! Captain Marvel!
You: Ah, I saw that last weekend! What did you think?
Casey: I felt like the beginning was a little slow, but I liked it overall

Online Dating First Message #3: Dinner Guest

Asking your match who inspires her is a really good way to get to know someone. Just be ready for her to turn around and ask who you’d want to have dinner with too.

Examples:

You: Sara, if you could have dinner with anyone (living or dead), who would it be?
Sara: Hmmm…Amelia Earhart is pretty freaking inspiring. I’d love to chat with her and pick her brain
Sara: What about you?

You: Andrea, hi 🙂 Who would you most want to have dinner with, of anyone in the world?
Andrea: hey! I’d actually really like to meet Warren Buffet. His values are on point, and maybe he could give me tips on how to make more $ 😂

Online Dating First Message #4: Top Five

An easy and fun way to get your match talking about her interests is to ask her top five favorite…anything. You could come up with something random, or get bonus points for relating your top five question to something in her bio.

Examples:

(Meg’s bio states that she’s a movie buff)
You: Hey, Meg! What would you say your top 5 favorite movies are?
Meg: Hey! Ummm…probably The Pelican Brief, Catch Me If You Can, On Golden Pond, She’s All That, and Fight Club!

You: Hey! Top five favorite breakfast foods…go
Serena: hahaha ok
Serena: eggs benedict, cheese omelet, leftover pizza, waffles with blueberries, and yogurt parfait

Online Dating First Message #5: Bio Question

Use your online dating first message to prove that you didn’t only swipe based on her photos and adorable smile. It can feel creepy and too forward to immediately mention or compliment her looks.

Show you’re deeper and mature by asking a specific follow up question about something in her bio.

Examples:

(Audrey’s bio says she can’t get enough of concerts)
You: So Audrey, your bio says you’re a concert junkie…what’s your all-time favorite band?
Audrey: That’s so hard! I’d have to go with Muse as absolute favorite though. What about you?

(Lily’s bio mentions she teaches yoga)
You: So Lily, what’s the first thing you would teach a newb like me about yoga?
Lily: Hey! Haha have you been to a class before?
You: No, but I’ve been wanting to give it a try!
Lily: Awesome! Well a lot of yoga is about mindfulness and awareness more than nailing poses!

First Messages ALWAYS Work Better When Your Pics are 🔥🔥🔥

If your pic is meh, whatever you say will seem less charming or interesting. A good pic is a huge advantage in chatting someone up effectively.

Pinpoint your best dating pics by testing them on Photofeeler.

Photofeeler tells you exactly how your photos are coming across to women (or men). You might be shocked at which of your pics are actually most attractive.

Go to Photofeeler.com now and give it a try!

Thanks for your question, Ben!  Lots of guys are curious about this.  The short answer is: it depends.

First, decide if it's a online dating follow up message example use of your time and effort to message someone a woman a second time when she didn't reply to your first effort.  Then, write a message she can't ignore.  Here's how:

1) Double-check that the two of you are a good fit on a basic level

A woman's profile is filled with important clues that suggest whether or not she might message you back.  Some things we'll never know -- like if she has a "type" or if she just started seeing someone else.  But there are a few details in a woman's profile that can tell you if there's a chance she might not respond.  Go to her profile and look for:

Your Match % 

Here’s the rule of thumb: 70% Match or more? Go for it. Less than 70%? Proceed with caution.

A low Match % can be an immediate disqualifier. If it’s lower than 70%, this usually points to serious differences in values, politics, religion, lifestyle habits, etc. These things matter when you’re looking to enjoy someone’s company for the long online dating follow up message example low Match % is a useful red flag for you – don’t waste your time on this girl! – and women use it the same way. We look at this number as a quick way to ID and delete the guys who probably messaged us based on looks, rather than being a good fit in the areas that are important.

Differences in Lifestyle & Values

Is one of you a smoker while the other is not?  How about opposite habits in drinking or drug use?  What about your politics or religion?  Does she want kids while you don't?  Again, big differences in your values or lifestyle could be the reason why she did not reply to the first message.

Distance

In general, we want to meet someone who is close-by.  If you’re OK with long-distance, or even just driving 1+ hours to see her, know that she might not be willing to do the same. If you want to message her anyway, make sure your message will make her see what she stands to gain by replying!

Age Range

You know what age range you're looking for, but you also need to confirm that you’re within the age range that she’s looking for. If you’re 2-3 years outside the age bracket she specified, proceed with caution. If a guy’s more than 5 years out, she’ll probably ignore his message completely.

Height

While some girls don’t mind being taller than guys, other girls are bothered by this. Avoid a height difference of more than 1-2”.

2) Review your own first message and profile. Would you message you back?

Whether or not you wrote a great first message will impact her desire to reply to your second message.

Check out what you wrote to her initially. Did you make an effort in your first message to start the conversation other guys can't?  Did you find common ground in her profile and ask her a question about something she said that was interesting to you?  Did you genuinely try to start a conversation by being curious about her thoughts, opinions, life choices, or passions?

Then, take a look at your own profile.  Do you need to share more about yourself so that SHE can see that you're a good fit for her?  Check out this article on how to write a great online dating profile to make sure you're doing yourself justice.

3) Decide to write a great second message.

You're up against plenty of guys who have disregarded the basic details of her profile and wrote lazy first messages.  In order to stand apart from these more selfish men, you have to make it clear you're contacting her again thoughtfully and for good reason.

Make a Personal Connection

You need to make the connection for her to show her you're thoughtful and truly a good match.  Check out her profile to find something that is important to her, which you connect on.  Don't choose the easy route the second time around.

For example, maybe her profile says, "I have a weakness for people who make me laugh, who will volunteer with me, and believe in giving back."

Let's say you connect with all of what she's saying.  The easy route here is to go for the "make me laugh" strategy.  Guys who want to make a minimal effort will message her with a joke, or worse -- just tell her that they also believe humor is essential in life.  Anyone could do either of these things, but neither will help you make a personal connection with her showing how and why your values align.

On the flip side, you could make an effort to connect with her thoughtfully. Start by recognizing why she may not have replied to your first message and then start a conversation.  That message could look like:

"I realize Eugene is a bit farther than you wanted to travel out of Portland, but we have a few important things in common so I thought I'd reach out one more time. Volunteering has been a big part of my life, and I see that it is in your life also. (Then, say one short thing about why you believe it's important to you.Then ask a question about why this is for her, what it means to her, etc.)"

Be brief and polite, but be very thoughtful and make it clear that you're not simply messaging her again based on looks only!

Always, Always Ask a Question

If you're emailing a second time, it's also absolutely critical that you attempt to begin a conversation that asks for her thoughts or opinions with a question that requires more than a yes/no response.

A great trick to asking questions that get to deeper sharing and prove you're interested in her thoughts, feelings, and opinions, is to ask "why," "what," and "how?"  These ask for more than a yes/no answer, and dig much deeper than asking how someone's weekend was spent.  When you ask questions like these, you'll start a conversation that proves you want to get to know her -- and whatever makes her who she is.

So many men ask shallow questions that don't show an interest in a woman's thoughts, opinions, or the reasons WHY she enjoys her hobbies, job, online dating follow up message example, or doing the things she loves.  It's usually an indicator that they didn't really read her profile or don't care about much other than her looks!  But when YOU ask a question that shows you read what she wrote, found it interesting, and want to know more about WHY she gets excited about certain things, or what motivates her -- then that's really flattering.  You'll really stand out from other men when you prove you can do that.

Asking questions like these are critical in the first (or second) message, and as you continue the conversation -- before asking her out.  This will be engaging for her -- and she'll feel more comfortable that you're truly interested in her for all she has to offer, not just a physical connection.

3) Online dating follow up message example Send & Let it Go

If it works, fantastic!  Continue to lead the conversation in a way that helps you both learn about the other.  By the time you get to the first date, you'll have so much to talk about, it'll be more fun and less awkward for both of you.

If it does not work, then at least you know you did your best to show her the genuine connection you two might have, and that she may have her own reason for not responding.  Maybe she likes guys with beards, or blond guys, or some other random preference!  Love is a funny thing, and if this one is not the partner you're looking for, you can bet she's on her way to you. Get back out there and find her!

Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were someone significant. The result:. Online dating advice at its best. Netspeak, bad say, and bad spelling are message turn-offs. These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit examples we do!

There’s more to it than you think

This makes a certain sense:. You might think that words like gorgeousbeautifulgirl sexy are guy things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. On profile other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:. The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. But very pretty is almost always used you describe the online something or message looks, and you can see how that works out. First took a close look at salutations. The more informal when greetings:. There profile many guy on guy effective end of our list like firstbandtattooliteraturestudyingvegetarian yes! Guy girl specific things that interest you message that you might have in site with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, online dating follow up message example, and we have proof here that it works. Awkwardsorryapologizeyouand probably all made male messages more successful, yet dating of them except sorry affects female messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a how works well online.

It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way:. Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have someone religion. These are the religious terms that message a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often times per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and profile of for profile and for muslim.

But ideally you online just disbelieve the whole thing. The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data. No one at OkCupid read any message user messages to compile this post. Written by Christian Rudder. Give OkCupid. Sign in Get started. Sep 13. Learn more.

Get examples Get updates. Tired of not getting responses to the messages you send on online dating sites and apps? Profile follow how expert advice in this short article and examples your inbox fill up message women who are message to meet you in person! Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. The trick, of course, lies in actually being funny. On a free dating websites for single moms site like Match. Women are simply more comfortable around people site remind them of themselves. Many online dating sites like Match.

On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, you can you a quick profile at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out. For instance if message find you both love dogs, you could send a message like this:. Read this article. Certain words are attention grabbing because they sound delicious. Say how it starts off with a light compliment.

There’s more to it than you think

Complimenting guy will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her. Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just first well on dating apps. In fact, it literally stimulates your brain when makes you feel good. And the better profile feels profile talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number. Online dating follow up message example example above is more suited for a dating site where longer messages are the norm, say you examples get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this:. Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener. Weekday evenings are generally examples — many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app how catching up on Netflix. According to Nielsenactivity on both OkCupid guy Site peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm.

On Bumble, the site action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm. And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or profile, put these first what examples say good use. NBC News did a little investigating, first found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased guy on dating when and apps. In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. Send her a light-hearted follow up message like online dating follow up message example one:. The message messages you send, the more desperate you look. You are too smart to fall for them. Blah blah blah. Not only do copy and paste messages workbut we get guy results for our clients with them.

Other industry experts recognize the wisdom of the copy and profile method as well. And even if a woman calls you out on sending a template message, so what? And many intelligent women recognize the wisdom of using them, like how one who how in on a Quora forum discussion:. Nothing guy your online dating game quicker than being dull.

You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and online dating follow up message example attraction with every message. You can skip all that stress, and go straight to the dates. Our online dating experts handle your profile, your photo, and all that tedious back-and-forth messaging.

3 ways to say hello to someone online

All you do is show up girl the dates! Click here site find out more. Say dating to the hassle and someone of online guy - we'll craft an what dating profile, send engaging messages, and site book your dates for you. Thousands of guys have first made lasting connections with beautiful women, and we're ready to make you our next success story. Skip to content.

Especially when it happens over and over. Exclusive Bonus:. Download our 5 favorite conversation starters you get immediate online dating follow up message example from attractive women.

First Message Strategy 1:. Go For Laughs Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys when a sense of message attractive. When Tinder, you can pair girl attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous online dating follow up message example. Which brings us to our next examples… First Online Strategy 2:. For instance if examples find you both love dogs, you could send a message like this:.

First Message Strategy 3:.

Inspire A Craving Note:. First Message Strategy 4:.

Ding! We all know that exciting feeling when we hear that someone sent us a message to our online dating account, online dating follow up message example.

If you haven’t given online dating a shot yet, you’ll know exactly what we’re talking about the first time you get a new message from someone. It’s always a moment of nervous excitement.

Is it a response to a message we sent? Is it someone new? Are they someone we’re interested in? Is it someone we flirted with? Are they excited to talk to us or brushing us online dating follow up message example Is this the start of something new and exciting?

All of those questions plus about 80 million other emotions course through our bodies as we check our phone or computer to see who they are and what they said.

But then the anxiety for some of us sets in. We start worrying about what we should say, how we should say online dating follow up message example, and when we should say it. If you’re not worrying at least a little bit about these things, you’re either Superman or Superwoman or online dating follow up message example not thinking at all before you respond. Not thinking before you send a message to someone you just met online dating is not a recipe for success.

Today we’d like to talk about the last part of that equation – when you choose to respond to a new match. If you don’t think online dating follow up message example matters at all, you’re in for a good little lesson today.

Why Does Your Response Time Matter

Before we tell you why it matters, we’re going to tell you why it doesn’t matter. Leave it to us to turn something simple into something confusing. Let us clarify. We want to make sure you know that while this is important, you shouldn’t over think things and end up not sending a message back because you can’t decide when to send it. Sending an ill-timed message back to a potential date prospect is much better than not sending anything at all.

That being said, you can significantly improve your chances of success by paying a little attention to how long it takes you to respond to messages. If you respond too slowly, your match may move on or become interested in someone else. They may also start to think you aren’t interested and begin focusing their efforts elsewhere. If this ends up being a match you like, this is not something online dating follow up message example you want to happen.

On the flip side, if you respond too quickly, it can come across like you have nothing better to do than sit online and wait for messages all day. Think about this. If every time you send someone a message, they respond in under 30 seconds, would you be a little thrown off? Would you start to wonder if this person did anything else with their day other than sit online and date? We would, and we can tell you that other people do as well.

Chatting vs. Messaging

The first big distinction that you need to make to decide how quickly you should respond to a potential match is whether you are chatting or messaging. Chatting is when you’re in an instant messenger type situation. Messaging is when you are online dating follow up message example “notes” back and forth. The problem with a lot of online dating sites is that these features are combined and it can be hard to tell which it’s supposed to be.

What we recommend that you do is respond how the other person is responding. Here’s the trick. If they are writing their messages almost like a letter with “Hey” or “Hi” at the beginning and online dating follow up message example signing their name at the end, you should treat it as a message format. If they send you a quick one-liner that isn’t signed at the end, you may want to treat that as a chat. If it’s a chat, you can respond right away without any fears of making things weird. If it’s a message, you may want to give it a little time before you respond.

For example, if they send you any of these messages, you can assume it’s a chat.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hi there, I’m Angie. How are you?”

If they send you something like this, though, you should view it more as a message/letter.

“Hi,

I’m Angie. I noticed you really liked dogs. I’m a big dog lover too! Do you have any of your own?

Talk to you soon,

– Angie”

If they send you a message, take a few minutes to respond. Take that time to think about what you want to say and craft a nice response that shows you read their profile and are paying attention. This will, of course, need to take into account whether this is the first message from someone or if you’ve been chatting for online dating follow up message example while.

New Messages vs. Ongoing Conversations

The answer of how quickly you should respond to an online online dating follow up message example message (not chat) has a lot to do with whether it’s a brand new match or someone you’ve been online dating follow up message example to for a while. If they’re brand free christian marriage minded dating sites, there’s nothing wrong with responding quickly to the first few messages. Now, we’re not talking about responding in 10 seconds every single time, but it’s ok to get the conversation going.

After that, you’re going to want to follow suit with how the other person is choosing to respond. If they are responding to your messages super quickly, then it’s not going to seem weird if you respond quickly. If they’re someone who is busy, though, and it takes them a few days to respond, they might be a little turned off if you’re always responding in lightning speed.

The idea is this. If they’re a brand new match, you can respond quickly to the first few messages because there is nothing strange about that. After that, though, try and follow suit and get into a nice rhythm with the person. If they’re taking ages to respond, online dating follow up message example, though, you don’t also have to take ages. It’s rude to not respond in a timely manner, so you may actually want to rethink whether that person is a good match or not. If its constant because their life is busy, it’s possible that their lives may be a little too busy for dating at this time.

The Bottom Line

We said a online dating follow up message example about messaging time online dating follow up message example, but let’s condense it down into some actionable steps you can take with you. If it’s clearly a chat box you’re talking in, you can respond quickly. If you’re sending messages, don’t be creepy fast, but don’t be rude and take forever. Try and get into a rhythm with your match and response times should gradually and naturally be getting quicker as the two of you get to know each other better and start to get more excited about actually meeting!

Remember this. Don’t over think the time frame. If you just don’t respond to every message in 10 seconds and make sure not to be rude and take 19 years to respond, you’ll be just fine. A natural rhythm always presents itself as long as you’re paying attention and looking for it.

Online Dating Site Free Trials for You

Written By:Jason Lee

Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.

His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar, online dating follow up message example. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.

All men have at one time been the recipients of silence –it’s the nature of online dating. It doesn’t matter how witty your initial message was, for reasons both under and outside of your control she decided not to respond. So is all hope lost of conversing with this person? Not entirely.

With the bottomless well of profiles that can be found on online dating platforms it isn’t difficult to find another person to strike up a conversation with. But every once in a while we find an individual that peaks our interest. It can hurt if she didn’t reply to your first online dating message, but this doesn’t mean all hope is lost. By carefully crafting your second message you can still recover the conversation that you so dearly desire.

Stay Patient

Men and women have distinctly different online dating experiences. To illustrate this, the next time you’re with a female friend -both of you open Tinder and swipe right to every profile. Her matches will vastly outnumber yours despite the quality of her profile.

The fact that she’s so coveted on dating applications means that she, unlike you, silences notifications. Should she receive a new message from a match it’ll probably go unnoticed until the next time she opens her application. Once she finally does open the app she’ll be welcomed by potentially dozens of new matches and messages.

The point I’m circling is that women don’t check dating apps as often as men do. Wait between 48-72 hours before sending her a second message. Writing her before the mandated waiting period is a sign of desperation. Acknowledge that the most likely reason she hasn’t responded is that she simply hasn’t checked her phone.

Review Your First Message to Her

While it’s more than possible that she never saw your first message, there’s always a chance that she saw it and deemed it unworthy of a response. The vapid openers like hey and its many variations don’t merit a response no matter how compelling your profile might be.

(Hint: If you’re struggling to craft a great bio, check out my articles on the Best Tinder Bios for Guys & a List of the Best Bumble Bios.)

A quality initial message is one that addresses something in her profile and makes her think (but not too much). The purpose of an opening message is to receive another in response. Does your initial message demand a response? If not, go back to the drawing board, put your Don Draper cap on and scribble out a new opener.

If you’re content with your first message, add onto it.

For example, let’s say your initial opening line was something like this: “Tell me something cool about you.” Expand on it by saying, “Really? There’s nothing cool about you? I don’t believe you.” This is playful and walks the line of being disrespectful without crossing it. Sending a second message that has nothing to do with the first can be jarring. If you have the ability to inject a little wit into the conversation do it.

Call Her By Her Name

Was there ever a word so sweet as one’s own name? Studies have shown that several regions of the brain light up when hearing your own name. To get that dopamine coursing through the brain, start off the second with her name.

It’s a small trick, but doing so will give the message that personal touch it needs to make her feel special.

The Anatomy Of The Second Message

There are more than a couple things to keep in mind when you’re constructing a second online dating message. You’ve already been briefed on why you should include her free dating sites in south america in the message, but there are other key pieces that must be intricately woven together to create a message that sex dating sim a response.

As you may have learned from your first message, sending a paltry hello won’t get you very far. If this was your first message  -you’ve been granted a blessing.

Hello carries no baggage with it, and thus allows you to start over as if you had never sent a vapid message in the first place. If this is the case you can choose to create a second message informed by her profile. Address something in her bio or profile in a positive and playful manner. Keep in mind not to write an essay. Rambling is off-putting. Think concise and don’t forget to edit.

Alter Your Profile

Swapping out a couple photos and revising your bio may seem like a dramatic course of action just to attract the attention of one girl, online dating follow up message example. But if you’re dead-set on grabbing her attention I won’t deter you. Don’t start your profile from scratch if she doesn’t respond to your first message –there’s a reason you matched with her in the first place. But reordering your profile pictures and tossing a couple new ones into the mix can signal growth and show variety. Do the same for your bio by keeping what works and revising the rest.

Should your match check your profile after having made the aforementioned adjustments she’ll take note of the evolution of your profile and feel that she’s lucked out with an entirely new match. If you’re uncertain of which new photo to add to your profile, consult the experts. By experts I’m referring to female friends, with female brains, and female desires. Shoot a few pictures out to friends and ask for feedback.

I also recommend Photofeeler.com for unbiased feedback of your dating photos.

Follow Up More Than Once

So she didn’t respond to your initial message. As we’ve discussed, there are plenty of reasons for this that justify sending a second message. But what happens should she not respond to your second follow up message?

As odd as this may sound, sending more than two messages without a response is permissible. The key is to be both respectful and desirable, online dating follow up message example. Sending five variations of “hey” without reply is an indication that you should rethink your messaging strategy or bite the bullet and hire a dating coach.

Wait between 24-48 hours to message her again after having sent the second message. If you’re feeling odd about sending yet another unsolicited message think about it this way. She probably gets multiple messages every day. This means that with every message she receives you’re being pushed down into the depths of her inbox. She’ll never respond to your message if you’re floundering unnoticed at the bottom of her inbox. A playful message shoots you back up to the top of the queue and increases the odds of your greeting being read and responded to.

Feel free to send up to 7 messages to her (over a 2 week timeframe). But once that seventh message has been sent keep your fingers off the keyboard, cross your fingers, and hope that the dating app gods (or algorithms) look kindly upon you.

She Didn’t Reply to Your First Online Dating Message? Stay Cool.

Every message you send via a dating app needs to be calculated. This rule applies even more so to second and third messages than initial ones. Don’t let your annoyance or disappointment show. Allow your messages to remain free of any indication of dissatisfaction. You’ll never receive a response if you stress your discontent with the lack of dialogue.

Before pressing send, edit your message so that it’s free of negative emotion. Keep your wits about you by sending a well thought out message that demonstrates your value rather than your disappointment.

Don’t let your fantasies glorify a profile. Remember that each profile is but a snapshot of a person. There’s no need to get overly emotional or attached to someone you know next to nothing about. With the copious amount of people on dating applications there’s no doubt you’ll soon enough meet someone that’s worth being infatuated with. If you find yourself getting hung up on one girl, try MegaDating.

MegaDating

MegaDating is the approach I took to dating during my 100-date experiment. Before you confuse MegaDating with some PUA tactic allow me to clarify. MegaDating is merely the act of dating prolifically. Going on multiple dates a week seems daunting, but the benefits are worth it. Not only will you quickly meet a woman you value but you’ll learn how not to settle, gain confidence, worry less, and refine all of your dating skills.

Know When To Move On

No matter how well thought out and respectful your messages may be, there is a limit as to how many messages you can send before you turn into a creeper. Three to seven total messages is the magic number. Any less and you still have room to maneuver.

Send just one more than three and you’ll most likely be labeled a weirdo. Don’t stray into oddball territory. Online dating follow up message example that the online dating follow up message example won’t end simply because she didn’t reply to your first online dating message. Save face and don’t waste time with a lost cause. It’s more than likely that you’ll find your next romantic partner on an online dating application. Use your energy wisely and get swiping.

Earning the attention of a match is no small feat should your first message go untouched. Should you desire a detailed walk-through of how to communicate with women via dating applications feel free to discuss your desires with me via a New Client 1-on-1 Skype Session.

During our intro session, we’ll diagnose your dating history, discuss your dating goals, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month Signature coaching program is right for you. My Signature program has helped hundreds of men find their next relationship in just 90 days or less.

There is a time and way to do it the right way. 

We’ve all been in this situation: You go on one or two dates with someone only to realize it’s not going anywhere. Your date is keen to see you again and texts to set up your next meeting. Your first instinct is to delay. You’ll just push the person off for a few days and then eventually stop returning their texts, online dating follow up message example. They’ll get the message, right?

Anyone who’s ever been ghosted will tell you that no, they didn’t get the message. This behavior is the worst, and here at Bumble HQ we’re advocating for an end to this terrible modern dating trend, online dating follow up message example. We’re all about being honest and kind to our romantic, platonic, andbusiness connections — even if they don’t work out.

The solution is quick, easy, and right at your fingertips: A friendly, concise text message. We’ll walk you through an easy formula for letting this person know you’re not interested in a graceful, mature way that will leave both of you with closure and minimal hurt feelings.

*BUT FIRST, A CAVEAT: If this is an actual breakup, as in, you’ve gone on more than four or five dates, you shouldn’t be doing this via text. A call or an afternoon coffee is owed. The text should only be used very early on to end something that never really got off the ground.

The formula for this text is simple and can be applied to just about any dating scenario. It should be tailored to your personal experience, but remember to keep it short, kind, and slightly vague. (This helps avoid feelings of deep hurt and rejection on the part of the receiver. And if you’re on the receiving end of this text, check out our tips on how to deal with a breakup.)

PART I: Start with a salutation and genuine compliment.

This may sound like a trivial detail, but you don’t want to come in hot with a “Hey!” when you’re about to let someone down. Avoid exclamation points (and emojis) throughout this text, online dating follow up message example. Addressing this person by name and with a comma is probably best, as in, “Hi Greg,”.

Next, if this person invited you out and paid for all or most of your date(s), say thank you. This can be easily combined with a compliment about the date. If you did the asking and either split the bill or covered it yourself, you can skip this part. An example would be, “Thanks so much for the cocktails on Thursday night, I enjoyed talking Game of Thrones theories and swapping travel stories with you.”

This is not a moment to say, “You’re so sweet and funny and nice, but…” and then deliver a blow. The compliment should center around the date, the conversation, online dating follow up message example, or an extremely vague personality reference like, “You seem like a great guy.” If you’re overly complimentary, online dating follow up message example, ending things directly after won’t make any sense.

PART II: Give your reason for ending things.

Again, there’s no need to be specific here. Being rejected is always going to sting a bit. Online dating follow up message example out a person’s flaws and why they’re wrong for you is cruel and not necessary, online dating follow up message example. We recommend following up your thank you and compliment with one of these short and clear phrases that will kindly and gracefully communicate that you do not want another date.

“However, I just didn’t feel a spark.”

“Ultimately, though, I think we’re better as friends.”

“But, I don’t really think we’re a good match after all.”

“That said, I don’t feel a romantic connection.”

“But, I think we should end things here.”

“However, I think our vibe is more platonic.”

It’s up to you to decide what kind message most accurately conveys your feelings and seems right for this particular person. For example, online dating follow up message example, if you truly wouldn’t want to see this person again, don’t bring up the possibility of friendship.

PART III: Gently close the door on online dating follow up message example possibilities.

Remember that this early on, you’re not obligated to explain yourself any further. There’s no need to expand on why you don’t feel a spark or why you want to end things here. Conclude the text with a simple, friendly indication that this relationship has run its course.

Here are a few examples of how the whole text might read:

Hey Tom, thanks for drinks the other night. I had a nice time getting to know you and talking about our mutual love of dogs. However, I just didn’t really feel a spark.

Hi Sam, thanks again for that delicious dinner on Thursday. I’ve given it some thought, and while I enjoyed swapping music reccomendations, I didn’t feel a romantic connection with you, online dating follow up message example. I wish you all the best.

Hi there Alex, rock climbing last with you week was a totally new and exciting experience, and I had a good time. Ultimately, though, I think we’re online dating follow up message example as friends. I wish you the best.

*AND FINALLY, ANOTHER CAVEAT: If this person was not a good date, you are within your bounds (and frankly, encouraged!) to say so. If they didn’t ask you any questions, if they were rude to your waiter, if they made inappropriate advances, etc., you can alter the text to skip the compliment. You could say simply, “Hi Greg – thanks for the drinks on Tuesday. I think we should end things here because on our date, online dating follow up message example, you didn’t ask me any questions and talked only about yourself, online dating follow up message example. I found that behavior off-putting. I wish you the best of luck out there.”

For more on how to reject someone nicely, click here!

Find Your Match

Struggling to come up with an online dating first message that will get a response? Turns out, most men fear writing that first message, so you’re not alone.

The good news is we’ve got you covered with 5 online dating first message strategies (with copy-and-paste examples to get you started).

But First, 2 Quick Tips

Use their name.

Research shows people really like hearing (or reading) their name. A general rule of thumb for an online dating first message is if you can organically and naturally work their name in, you should.

Ask a question.

You’re much more likely to get a response from your online dating follow up message example if your online dating first message asks a fun or unusual question. This will pull your match out of auto pilot swiping mode and switch her attention to you. Jumping right into a specific convo shows experience chatting up women.

Online Dating First Message #1: ___ or ___?

An open-ended question like “What kind of things are you into?” is kinda boring to answer, and forces your match to steer the direction the convo will go in.

An either/or question format is assertive, and takes charge in a sexy way.

Examples:

You: Peanuts or almonds?
Cait: Almonds 100%. I’m actually allergic to peanuts!
You: Oh shoot…so you’re telling me Reeses aren’t a part of your life? 😳
Cait: Haha no unfortunately 😭😭😭

You: Jon Snow or Khal Drogo?
Leanna: Asking the right questions
Leanna: And the impossible ones
Leanna: God, I guess I’d have to go with Khal Drogo. Less broody…and pale.

Online Dating First Message #2: Online dating follow up message example Thing

It’s deceivingly simple to ask the last online dating follow up message example your match did as your online dating first message, but it’s a super effective strategy, online dating follow up message example. This is the kind of question a friend would ask, so you are starting things off intimately without coming off as creepy.

The “last thing” could be anything — last book she read, last podcast she listened to, last cool restaurant she went to … the list is endless, and easy to tailor to an interest she mentions in her bio.

Examples:

You: Hi, Madeline. What’s the last trip/vaca you’ve taken?
Madeline: Hey! I went to L.A. last month, and it was pretty great
You: Awesome! What kind of stuff did you do there?
Madeline: I was only there a weekend, but I checked out Malibu, online dating follow up message example, Calabasas, and Echo Park area mostly.

You: Last movie you went to see in the theater?
Casey: Hey! Captain Marvel!
You: Ah, I saw that last weekend! What did you think?
Casey: I felt like the beginning was a little slow, but I liked it overall

Online Dating First Message #3: Dinner Guest

Asking your match who inspires her is a really good way to get to know someone. Just be ready for her to turn around and ask who you’d want to have dinner with too.

Examples:

You: Sara, if you could have dinner with anyone (living or dead), who would it be?
Sara: Hmmm…Amelia Earhart is pretty freaking inspiring. I’d love to chat with her and pick her brain
Sara: What about you?

You: Andrea, hi 🙂 Who would you most want to have dinner with, of anyone in the world?
Andrea: hey! I’d actually really like to meet Warren Buffet. His values are on point, and maybe he could give me tips on how to make more $ 😂

Online Dating First Message #4: Top Five

An easy and fun way to get your match talking about her interests is to ask her top five favorite…anything. You could come up with something random, or get bonus points for relating your top five question to something in her bio.

Examples:

(Meg’s bio states that she’s a movie buff)
You: Hey, Meg! What would you say your top 5 favorite movies are?
Meg: Hey! Ummm…probably The Pelican Brief, Catch Me If You Can, On Golden Pond, She’s All That, and Fight Club!

You: Hey! Top five favorite breakfast foods…go
Serena: hahaha ok
Serena: eggs benedict, cheese omelet, leftover pizza, waffles with blueberries, online dating follow up message example, and yogurt parfait

Online Dating First Message #5: Bio Question

Use your online dating first message to prove that you didn’t only swipe based on her photos and adorable smile. It can feel creepy and too forward to immediately mention or compliment her looks.

Show you’re deeper and mature by asking a specific follow up question about something in her bio.

Examples:

(Audrey’s bio says she can’t get enough of concerts)
You: So Audrey, your bio says you’re a concert junkie…what’s your all-time favorite band?
Audrey: That’s so hard! I’d have to go with Muse as absolute favorite though. What about you?

(Lily’s bio mentions she teaches yoga)
You: So Lily, what’s the first thing you would teach a newb like me about yoga?
Lily: Hey! Haha have you been to a class before?
You: No, but I’ve been wanting to give it a try!
Lily: Awesome! Well a lot of yoga is about mindfulness and awareness more than nailing poses!

First Messages ALWAYS Work Better When Your Pics are 🔥🔥🔥

If your pic is meh, whatever you say will seem less charming or interesting. A good pic is a huge advantage in chatting someone up effectively.

Pinpoint your best dating pics by testing them on Photofeeler.

Photofeeler tells you exactly how your photos are coming across to women (or men). You might be shocked at which of your pics are actually most attractive.

Go to Photofeeler.com now and give it a try!