Dating and single dads – the “D” word raises some of the toughest questions that a man can face. Parenting as a single dad can be lonely, hard work, long hours, and sometimes losing all your free time. But no one would give up quality time with their kids, so these are just the challenges single dads have to face to make their children’s lives even better.

The long road ahead for single dads

Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t date. The world can be hard on our sanity at the best of times. Looking for companionship is only natural for many people and as a single dad, you’re no different.

We’re going to explore the challenges that single dads looking to get back out there face and how you can make sure that you make the experience as easy as possible for you, your former partner, and, most importantly, your kids.

Dating and Single Dads – Our Top 5 Tips

It’s not easy, but we have some top tips for making the process as easy as possible. These may not apply to all dads who are trying to get back into dating, but you might just find a solution to a problem that you are struggling with right now.

1. You Don’t Need To Wait

After a messy breakup, there is a cloud of judgement that hangs over both men and women. You don’t want to appear to be moving on too quickly for seeming cold and uncaring. There is societal pressure on separated couples to almost mourn their lost relationship.

Do I Need To Wait Before I Can Date Again?

You don’t need to do that. If you are ready to get back out there, you are ready to get back out there. You don’t need anyone’s permission to do it. You’re a single man now; time permitting, nothing is stopping you from trying to find someone else to spend your life with.

By the same reasoning, that doesn’t mean you need to start dating straight away either. You are in control of what you do and you can spend as little or as much time single as you like. One reader even said:

I just want to raise my children and not seek a relationship. Am I normal? I don’t think I have the capacity in my mind to invest in one.

Can’t be any clearer than that.

2. Finding Time For Just You Is Important

Finding free time as a single dad can be really difficult, especially if you don’t have joint custody. Life can quickly become a loop of working and caring for your family. Dating for single dads can already seem an uphill battle, but now you have to fit it in around your hectic timetable.

That’s why finding time for you is more important than ever. Even if it’s only for an hour a week, you need to find a way to get time for yourself and a potential date. Enlisting the help of family members or babysitters to help could be a real lifesaver for dads short on time!

How Can I Meet Someone When I Have No Free Time?

You need to find a method that works for you. Right now, the boom in online dating sites and online communication methods means it’s easier than ever.

This also means you can “vet” your dates a bit more before meeting them – especially useful for people who don’t want to have the difficult “I have kids – is that a problem?” chat.

Use technology to your advantage and keep yourself on the dating scene (even if only through a dating website!)

3. Keep Things Separate Until You’re Sure

The question of introducing your kids to a new partner is really difficult. Research from 2013 found that instability (such as separated parents) had negative effects on children. This is can be stopped with effective emotional support, however.

The more we introduce temporary people into our children’s lives (like short term partners), the more insecure their surroundings are. Only introduce some if you know they are staying around for a long time. This, of course, can be its own challenge – trying to explain to a new partner that they might not be around for long!

How Can I Know If Someone Will Stick Around?

You can’t, really. You just need to trust your gut. Remember, relationships end. A lot of successful kids have come from separated families. You just need to make the best decisions you can and hope that everything works out.

Meeting someone new can be difficult for kids – make sure you know what you’re doing

Take your time and think about when your kids are ready to meet someone new. You could even ask older children for advice – would they want to meet someone?

4. Find Out What You Need For Happiness

Most of us have felt the pain of a breakup. It turns out that thinking about our former partners sets off the pain receptors in our brain. Breaks don’t just seem to hurt; the brain genuinely experiences pain.

That’s why you need to find what makes you happy. Your brain is currently literally suffering, so you need to find what makes you happy. This could be enjoying the little things. One reader told us that he now takes more time to do finger painting, visit parks, and generally just spend time with his kids when he has his kids.

Being a single dad could mean more quality time with your kids

What If Being In A Relationship Makes Me Happy?

Finding a new partner is usually high on the list of things that people think will improve their lives. You need to find someone who makes you happy and that means being picky. You have more life experience now, so you know who you should avoid. Find some who gives you what you need!

The most important thing is to keep your mind busy. Find someone you enjoy being with and take each day as it comes.

5. Have An Open Conversation With Your Former Partner

This can be the hardest one. But it’s probably the most important piece of advice (from your kids’ point of view).

Keeping an open conversation and decent relationship with your ex will help your kids out massively. We know that stable environments help kids. If you can keep a stable relationship with your ex, your kids will benefit. They see that mum and dad are still capable of being civil, so they are less likely to be upset.

This is also an important step for when you are ready to move on. Dating and single dads is an already difficult mix – you need to think about your kids’ safety and happiness. Now think how your ex feels.

Openness about people who you will be bringing into your children’s lives is important. You don’t owe your ex anything, but you both need to work as a team. Make your life easier by sharing plans and avoiding surprises.

In Conclusion…

Dating for single dads isn’t easy at all. It requires a lot of patience, planning, and tiredness. You will have busy weeks, especially if you have your kids on weekends.

As a single dad, you have the opportunity to focus on your kids. When your mind isn’t doing too well, you have them to rely on. Take the appropriate time to heal. Make the most of family time. Try to use a negative in the best way.

Remember, it’s not easy. Even if you had an amicable breakup, there are still challenges ahead. Take each day as it comes and think about what’s best for you and your children.

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Single Parent Dating

Single parent dating online, is an ideal way for single mums and dads to meet each other and build relationships! Browse for potential friends and partners from the safety of your own home, without having to juggle children and babysitters – get to know other single parents at your own pace.

The first thing to understand about single dad dating is that his kids will be a huge part of his life. You need to know that his children are likely going to come first. If you’re used to dating men who don’t have kids, then you might be more accustomed to getting more attention. The man in your life will have to divide his time between work, his children, and your relationship. This is a lot to juggle, and you might not always get as much of him as you would like to.

You have to be willing to accept the fact that his kids are a priority in his life. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t value your relationship, but it does mean that the kids will come first sometimes. He might not always be able to spend the weekend with you when he has things that need to be done as a father. You also might have to get used to spending time around his kids if you want to be a big part of his life, too.

It can take some time to adjust to this dynamic if you do not have any children yourself. You might not be used to interacting with kids if you don’t have many young family members. For many people, getting to know the kids will be a very satisfying experience. Many single dads partner up, building strong relationships with the kids over time, but it doesn’t always come easily.

The Kids Might Not Accept You At First

There is a possibility that your boyfriend’s kids might not like you at first. Divorces can be very tough for children to get through. If the man you’re dating has recently divorced, those wounds might still be very fresh. If you’re the first woman that their dad has started dating after the divorce, then you might wind up being on the receiving end of some strong but justified fears and feelings.

This does happen sometimes, and it is unfortunate to have to go through a situation like this. You need to keep an open mind and try to understand things from the perspective of the children. They just went through a significant time in their life that caused their family to break up. Things might still be very strange for them as they are getting used to adjusting to this new dynamic.

Don’t take the children’s attitudes personally if you can help it. They might not be old enough to understand why they should give you a chance. If his kids are teenagers, then you probably remember what it was like to be that age. Understandably, the kids might be wary of you at first. You have to earn their trust over time, and you might need to take things slow while getting to know them.

You should never try to force things on your children. It’s normal to want his kids to like you, but you have to let it happen naturally. Talking to them and being respectful is fine. If the kids get out of line at any point, their father will correct their behavior. Even if you’re overwhelmed by this situation right now, know that it is still going to be possible for things to turn out great. You might be great friends with his kids just a few months from now, but you have to be patient.

He Might Have Trust Issues

It shouldn’t come as a big surprise to hear that your boyfriend might have trust issues stemming from his failed relationship or marriage. When people go through a divorce or a big breakup, it can wind up changing them a bit. Heartache is something that takes a long time to get through. If his last partner cheated on him, that would make him less trusting in his next relationship.

Being the next romantic partner after someone has been divorced isn’t always easy. Some men can get through these issues without it being a problem, but others might develop severe trust issues. If he was cheated on in the past, he might show distrust and apprehension. With time, he can learn to trust again. In these particularly delicate situations, it might be appropriate sometimes to give him the benefit of the doubt and understand that he has been through a lot.

Building a strong bond that can overcome the baggage of past relationships is possible. You have to work on communicating well while being truthful with each other. If you need help, then you can always seek out couples counseling. There are resources available to help those with the most significant issues.

His Ex Will Be Around Sometimes

The fact that he has kids also means that his ex will likely be around sometimes. Unless he is a widower, the other parent of his children will be around from time to time. You might wind up seeing them while they are dropping off the kids, or you might have to interact with them due to other matters involving his children. This might be awkward for you, but it’s something that you’ll have to get used to overtime.

Men who have children have a duty to their kids to be the best co-parent they can be, and this includes remaining in a respectful co-parenting relationship with their other parent. The other parent will be in their children’s lives, making it necessary to learn how to interact with them as naturally as possible. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous or weird about being around your partner’s ex, but you truly can get along normally. The fact that they are his ex doesn’t have to make them your enemy. They are just the other parent to his children, and that means they’ll always be an important person in his life. This doesn’t have to threaten your position as his new partner, and it is to your benefit to learn how to interact with her cordially.

Don’t Try To Replace The Mother Of His Children

One of the worst things you could do is try to replace the children’s other parent. You might be interested in marrying your boyfriend eventually. He will be happy to see you getting along well with the kids, and you can even become a second parent of sorts to them. It’s still not a good idea to replace the kids’ other parent in any way. Your relationship with these children is unique, and it should be treated as its own thing.

Some stepparents have been able to build close bonds with the children in their lives. You might even be thought of like a bonus parent to them after many years of bonding. Just know that each situation is different. Respect their other parent and allow the kids to accept you at their own pace. You’ll get to where you want to be, and everything will work out just fine.

Let Him Handle Disciplining The Kids

It’s also good to know what to expect when it comes to disciplining the kids. For the most part, it’s going to be a good idea to let him handle disciplining the kids. Kids are indeed going to lash out and act up at certain points in time. When this happens, it’s going to be best to let your boyfriend handle disciplining his kids. If you were to do the disciplining, they’re likely just going to wind up resenting you.

There is no reason to put yourself in this awkward position. You can let him do all of the disciplinary actions, and it will put you in a better position. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be seen as an authority figure to the kids eventually, but it does mean that you need to be careful what actions you take. You want to develop a healthy relationship with his kids, so do your best not to sabotage it by taking on disciplinary duties. They’re his kids, and he needs to discipline them in the way that he sees fit.

Online Couples Counseling Can Help

Learn More About What To Expect When Dating A Single Dad

Talk To A Licensed Counselor Online!

Online couples counseling can help you out if you’re having a tough time. Some couples are going to encounter issues with adjusting to changes and challenges. If you aren’t used to dating a man with a child, you might have problems getting used to this dynamic. When you are dedicated to making things work in your relationship, online couples’ counselors will be able to make a difference and assist you along the way.

These professionals can help you to work through any issues that are holding the relationship back. You can improve how you communicate as a couple and will be able to work on strengthening your bond. It’s possible to find happiness together, but you shouldn’t be afraid to reach out for help. Online counselors will be happy to assist you, and you will be able to move forward together with greater confidence.

Counselor Reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“My girlfriend and I have been working with Alison for about four months now and with her help and guidance we have strengthened our relationship ten fold. Her communication style is amazing and she really strives to make the best of our time with one another. If you’re looking for a counselor you can put your faith in with the whole experience, she’s the one to go to.”

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How do single dads cope with dating?

Single dads cope with dating by finding partners who support the single dad's relationship with his kids. 

A single dad may want a potential partner to accept that their kids will always come first. Single parent dating is about respecting the single dad or single mom's love for their kids and even helping them with their parental duties. 

Most importantly, if you're dating a single dad or single mom, they may want you to know that their commitment to the kids does not mean that they do not care for you. A single parent juggles many responsibilities: work, parental duties, and their partner. 

In the budding stages of a relationship, dating a single dad may mean that they might call off dates or other meetings because of their kids' urgent matters. As the relationship progresses, you may find yourself helping your partner's children when you're dating a single parent.

A single parent may find dating a dependable and optimistic partner to benefit their personal and family life. When dating a single dad or mom, it's important to remember that they are more than a single parent; like anyone else, single dads and moms want to know that their partner is reliable. 

Why dating a single dad is good?

There are many reasons why dating a single dad can be good for you and them. 

Single dads have learned much about themselves after having their kids. Thus, dating a single dad can result in the following positive effects: 

• Single dads are more open about their emotions. 
  • After having kids, single dads may appear more open and vulnerable about their emotions. This change often comes from being honest about their feelings in regards to taking care of their children. A single dad with children may be more equipped to handle emotions and communicate effectively in moments of conflict. A single parent is likely not afraid of talking about serious, emotional conversations or being silly. If you're dating a single parent, you may feel more comfortable talking to them about anything.
• A single parent wants you to be part of their kids' lives.
  • If you're dating a single mom or single dad, they may have chosen you as their partner because they trust you with their kids. If you are not a single parent yourself, you have an incredible opportunity to influence a child's life positively. In time, you may appreciate single-parent dating because it allows you to help someone else make a difference. Whether you're dating a single mom or you're dating a single dad, they likely believe that you will respect their kids. 
• He wants a long-term relationship.
  • During single-parent dating, the single parent wants to have a partner who their kids would like. This is especially true if their children are still emotionally vulnerable over their last parental figure. Oftentimes single dads want to commit to a relationship so that they and their kids can be happy for a long time. For you, this means that the single parent believes that you can be an excellent influential figure in their kids' lives. 

How do you know if a single dad is serious about you?

If you're dating a single dad and want to know if he is serious about you, then you can lookout for a few key signs.

You may also want to think about if you are serious about them. Single parent dating is about respect and honesty. As such, both parties should have similar feelings for one another. These mutual feelings will result in a stronger dating relationship. 

Here are a few signs that a single dad is serious about you:

• They are always listening to you and remembers small details from your conversations.
• When you're dating a single dad, they may like you if they are always excited to be in your presence.
• He goes out of his way to say nice things to you and makes you feel loved.
• The single parent is aware of how he expresses love and is willing to learn how you express your love and be patient.

What is a single dad looking for?

A single dad usually looks for a partner who they can trust completely. 

Since they are dedicating much of their time as a single parent to their children, they do not want to waste time on a person who leads them or is not honest about themselves. If you're dating a single dad, you may want to keep their responsibilities in mind.

Secondly, single dads may be looking for partners with kids of their own. Single dads may want a dating relationship where they know the other person is mature and works well with children. 

However, a single parent may also want someone who does not have kids. If you find that you like your partner but lack experience handling kids, you might seek out dating tips or parenting tips that provide more insight into improving your bond.

Lastly, single dads may want to take their time in the dating game. As such, they may want to get to know you over a long time before committing to a relationship. 

You don't need to worry about dating in your 30s or if you are older. Not only are you mature when dating in your 30s, but you will also know more about your wants and needs. 

Thus, you can find a single dad, adhere to their expectations, and find happiness for yourself.   

Can a single dad find love again?

A single dad or single mom can find love again so long as they put their best effort into the dating game. Thanks to modern conveniences, single parents can use online resources to find dating tips to help them choose the best partner.

If single parents cannot find a suitable person in their area, they can use online dating and a dating app. If you are looking for a single parent in a relationship, you may benefit from creating an honest and genuine account on a dating app; it allows you to meet people from all sorts of places.

Online dating can make communication feel rapid and rushed, but you should also respect a single dad's or mom's time. Online dating is an easy way for single parents to find someone, so if you want a genuine relationship, be honest about yourself and what you're looking for.

How do Divorced Dads date?

Divorced dads and single dads share many similarities in the dating world. The biggest difference is a partner contending with a divorced dad's ex as they involve themselves in their kid's life. Thus, divorced dads choose understanding partners who can be patient with their kids and ex as well. 

Dating a single dad, especially a single dad with an ex, may feel awkward at first. You may find yourself crossing paths with their ex if they pick up their kids from the dad's home. 

As such, dating a single mom or single dad may mean having to understand that their ex is a big part of your partner's kid's life or overcoming other personal challenges. 

Should I date a divorced dad?

If you met someone who is a divorced dad and has strong feelings for them, there is nothing stopping you from having a relationship with them. 

When you're dating a divorced dad, you may need to accept some uncomfortable realities, like the fact that you might see their ex on certain occasions, especially those relating to your partner's kid. 

While some dating tips may help with these encounters, you can also talk to your partner about how you can approach their ex. When dating a single dad, they may be more open and honest about their feelings. 

You may feel safe asking them about anything. So, try asking them about their ex and have an honest conversation with them. By talking to them and using some dating tips, you can avoid awkward feelings and continue your relationship with ease. 

Is it a bad idea to date someone with a kid?

It is not necessarily a bad idea to date someone with a kid. In fact, you may want to date a single dad because you want to take care of the children yourself. 

If you're dating a single dad, you may expand your worldview on parents' responsibilities and discover if you like having kids. 

Some dating tips may help if you're dating a single parent with a kid, but most importantly, recognize that your partner chose you because they think you are right for them. 

If you’re in a relationship with a single dad, you’ve probably wondered at some point in your relationship whether being a stepmom is for you.

According to fairy tales, stepmothers are often portrayed as evil and wicked women.

Cinderella was made to clean the chimney and wear rag clothes by her stepmother.

Snow White was driven out of her father’s house and given a poisonous apple by her evil witch of a stepmother.

With these role models, is it any wonder many kids blanch at the idea of having a stepmother in their home?

Fortunately, real life isn’t like the fairy tales.

But stepmoms often become an easy scapegoat when problems arise in a relationship.

After all, you’re the “outsider,” the woman that daddy is spending time with instead of mommy.

Add in a vindictive ex-wife, passive dad, and kids who are acting out…and things can get really messy really fast.

Especially if he is recently divorced, the stress of adjusting to a recent divorce is tough on the whole family and anyone else involved.

The Unique Struggle of Women Dating Single Dads

Women who are dating a single dad, especially women who don’t have kids or who have never been previously married, often struggle with trying to get their relationship needs met while also trying to be understanding and realistic about their partner’s responsibility to his kids.

It can be a really a tough thing to navigate, especially if you don’t have a lot of experience with kids.

Often, women who are dating a single dad end up feeling resentful and frustrated with their partner, and at the same time feel guilty for wanting more from the relationship when their partner is clearly struggling.

Every situation is different. And while you might luck out and have a relationship where his kids  adore you from the first time they meet you, or have an ex and partner who are very well-adjusted and emotionally mature, it is more likely that there will be some bumps along the road.

Set Yourself up for Relationship Success When Dating a Single Dad

If you’re “daddy’s girlfriend” and are wondering how to determine whether this relationship is right for you long-term, here are seven recommendations to help you get clearer on that question.

These considerations alone won’t set yourself up for a successful relationship; there are additional considerations when you’re trying to determine whether a relationship will work out.

But these seven essential tips below are an excellent place to start:

These tips were adapted with permission from a continuing education program led by David Steele and Yvonne Kelly from the Relationship Coaching Institute.

Do the Work to Determine What Your relationship requirements Are of a Relationship at This Time in Your Life

What do you really want in a relationship at this time in your life? (In a relationship in general)

Have a vision of the future. Know what your values are and the characteristics of the relationship that you are seeking to have.

Be clear and honest with yourself.

And be willing to walk away from a relationship that does not meet your relationship requirements. (Because relationships that don’t meet your relationship requirements or that don’t support your values and vision for your life will ultimately fail).

Remember, relationship requirements are your deal breakers.

They are the things that you MUST have in a relationship in order for the relationship to work for you.

I go deeper into describing what relationship requirements are and why they are important are in my free guide.

Find out Your Partner’s Values, Vision and relationship requirements and Determine If They Align with Yours

One of the key indicators of long-term relationship happiness is alignment in your vision and relationship requirements.

How awful would it be if you spent months (or years!) dating a wonderful guy, fall deeply in love with him, and THEN you find out that he is DONE having kids—but you really dream of being a mom of your own some day?

Believe me, I’ve seen this happen.

And it’s heartbreaking.

But what if you knew very early in your relationship what his dreams and goals were, what his vision for his life is, what his relationship relationship requirements are, that way you could decide for yourself whether his vision is something you could be happy with and support?

Take the Time to Decide If You Are Truly Interested in Dating Someone with Children at This Time in Your Life

Do you like children?

Do you want to be around them?

Do you have an understanding of what they need?

If you are unsure, spend time with other children (the kids of your friends and family members, for example) and pay close attention to your comfort level, tolerance level, ability to enjoy them and how you generally feel about the experience.

Do you have a plan for your life that eventually involves children?

Can you envision yourself in a relationship that involves children, whose needs will often take precedence over your own as the natural course of events in the evolution of your relationship?

Wanting children of your own someday is very different than being a stepparent to someone else’s children, and it is essential to be aware of that.

Take Responsibility Early on for Communicating Your Own Needs

Don’t assume that your partner knows what your needs are.

We often shy away from telling our partner our true feelings because we’re worried that telling him how we feel might scare him away.

But not talking about your needs and expectations creates a vacuum for misunderstanding and will inevitably lead to issues between the two of you.

We often make the mistake in thinking that “if he really loves and cares about me, he should already know…”

But communicating your needs is an essential part of getting them met.

Communicating your needs and telling him how you feel doesn’t mean that all of your needs will be met in the relationship, but it does increase the likelihood that some will.

It’s also a very healthy relationship practice because you alone are responsible for getting your needs met, whether that means adjusting your needs, getting them met in different ways, or finding someone who will actually meet them (versus trying to change the behavior of someone who is resistant to meeting them).

By sharing your needs with your partner, you are also determining if there is a good fit between the two of you and what better time to find out than now?

Be Willing to Support Your Partner in Meeting the Needs of His Children, as It Relates to Your Relationship

This means having a clear plan around the following:

• How and when you see each other,
• Boundaries around sexual conduct,
• How he maintains parenting responsibilities, in particular, alone time with the children, and
• What your role is with the children.

Be Willing to Flag Issues in the Relationship

When we’re deeply in love and attracted to someone, we can have the tendency to overlook or minimize important issues, such as when our needs and relationship requirements are going unmet, because we get deeply attached to having the relationship work out.

But I encourage you to be willing to flag issues in the relationship so that you and your partner can assess if they are issues that you will be able to work through, or ones that are deal breakers for the relationship.

If you are ever certain that the relationship is not going to work, then do the right thing and be honest with your partner.

There are more people involved in this relationship than just yourselves, and there is more a stake.

Step-family relationships at any level require a great deal of awareness, responsibility and honesty in order to protect the interests and well-being of all involved.

Learn as Much as You Can About Step-family Dynamics Which Are Alive and Well in Any Step-Dating Relationship

As you might have already experienced, dating a single dad, especially a recently divorced single dad, can be a very complex road to navigate.

But learning more about step-family dynamics will help you determine if this is the right relationship for you.

And if you decide to pursue the relationship, it will inform you about how to proceed in ways that will safeguard the interests and feelings of everyone involved.

So I encourage you to learn as much as you can about this topic by getting a book on the subject and/or working with someone who can support you through these challenges.

I also highly recommend that you check out my colleague and fellow Relationship Coaching Institute member Yvonne Kelly, founder of The Step and Blended Family Institute.

The divorce rate for second marriages in the United States is awhopping 67%, nearly 20% higher than the divorce rate for first marriages.

Preparing yourself for the road ahead and getting support will help you lower these tough odds.

The content of this article was adapted with permission from a continuing education program led by David Steele and Yvonne Kelly from the Relationship Coaching Institute.

Raising kids is tough enough. Add the prospect of dating to the equation, and you’ve got quite a challenge. But regardless how your circumstance arose, you deserve to date. Read on for our expert-backed rules on navigating the dating scene while still keeping your kids interests at heart.

Rule #1: If you’re newly single, ease into it
Remember, you’re the grown-up here. “The decision to date is 100 percent yours,” says Ellie Slott Fisher, author of Dating for Dads. “If you are single, you can date.” Of course, the reality of how and when to start ducking out depends on the circumstance and your readiness. “Timing is particularly sensitive for widowers because everyone offers their opinion as to the 'appropriate' time, even though none of them is walking in your shoes,” Fisher says. “Divorced dads are usually dealing with limited time with their kids, so they can feel guilty about dating.” Regardless of your circumstances, you’ll know it’s too soon to date if you need to talk incessantly about your former wife in glowing or not-so-glowing terms, Fisher explains.

Rule #2: Talk to your kids about it
When you think you are ready to date, tell your children, Fisher suggests. “Say, ‘You are, and always will be, the most important people in my life. But as much as I love to spend time with my friends and family, just like you do, I’d also like to have friends of the opposite gender, someone who I can go to the movies with, to dance with, to have a drink with,’ ” Fisher says.

Rule #3: Find the right gal
The woman you’re looking for should understand that your kids are your priority, says Armin Brott, a columnist for Ask Mr.Dad. “You never know when there will be an emergency, when you’ll have to leave a date or cancel—and that might make her jealous,” Brott says. According to Fisher’s research, single moms are not looking specifically for a man with kids, but single dads are looking for a woman who is a mother. “Men assume that a mother is less self-oriented and more nurturing and will welcome his children,” Fisher says. But there’s no guarantee of this. Don’t disregard a woman who has never been a mother—she may be wonderful with your kids because there is no one competing for her attention. 

Rule #4: Don’t divulge too much about her
They’ll want to know her name, what she looks like and whether she has children, but little else. In terms of meeting her, this is a decision your child should make. You can ask if they would like to meet the woman you are dating, and if they say no (sometimes one may say no, and the other will want to), then respect their wishes. However, be sure to add that at some point in the future if you should ever meet someone you want to date exclusively, you will want them to meet her. Most children will be okay with this because they can’t really imagine that happening.

Rule #5: Avoid the revolving door
Introducing women into your children’s lives too frequently can skew their perceptions. “Children can get attached to them, and then if they disappear it can make children cynical and pessimistic about romantic relationships,” says clinical psychologist Ken Condrell, Ph.D, author of Be a Great Divorced Dad.

Rule #6: Be sensitive about when and how much time you spend on dates
Never sacrifice time with your kids for time with a date, Fisher says. This means no dropping the kids off at grandma’s house when it is your weekend with them. "This speaks volumes to the kids about your lack of importance and focus on them," Fisher says.

Rule #7: Keep your online dating ventures to yourself, as well
If you meet someone online it is prudent not to show your children her profile. “This is about a potential relationship between two adults and it should be handled with requisite privacy and respect,” says Fisher. Don’t share all the intimate details of a woman with your children. “They never need to know that you consider a woman to be a sexy hot mess. Share that with your friends,” says Fisher.

Rule #8: Watch the loyalty complex
Whether you are divorced or widowed, a former spouse will inadvertently be a factor in whether the kids accept your social life. “You have to explain that your dating has nothing to do with the marriage ending or whether Mom and Dad loved each other,” Fisher says. It can be tricky, since sometimes if the mom isn’t dating yet, she may try to discredit your dating in front of the kids. The kids may also struggle with either or both parents’ new significant others. “They may feel they’re betraying their mothers,” says Condrell, “and may keep them from getting close to new parents.”

Rule #9: Make introductions cautiously
This needs to be an extremely low-key, short meeting. The initial introduction is an opportunity for your kids to check out your new love interest, Fisher says. Choose a very unintimidating location. Do not bring them to her house. Instead, have her come to your house, and set a time limit. This is an opportunity for them to look her over, get a sense of her. Don’t pressure your kids to like her—and vice versa. “Have no expectations. It is a naïve expectation men have that the woman is going to love the kids,” says Brott.

Rule #10: If you want a sleepover with the kids around, you’d better be serious
Never assume your kids don’t get it. They do. Even toddlers who would be fine with a woman sleeping over turn into adolescents and then teens—and if you have been cavalier about sleepovers when they are 3 or 4, it is easy for them to get lulled into doing it as they age. You should be in a committed, exclusive, marriage-on-the-horizon relationship if she sleeps over in your bed when your kids are home.

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