Treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen

Of the dating mistakes men make, this is the most boring. Come on. Does it really work? How do we know when we've reached the sweet spot between being too keen and so indifferent they lose interest? We always hear the old cliché "I just love a bad boy", but this generally doesn’t mean treating someone like garbage. Even drop dead gorgeous guys with deep pockets and thick packages can’t get away with it for long. Treating ‘em mean only drives ‘em into someone else’s arms. The next man is only a swipe away.

Being too picky

And that brings us to another issue – it’s almost too easy now, isn’t it? How many sizzling hot sure things have you said no to just in case someone better comes along next time you open the app? The trick is to live for the moment and go with your gut, not hold out for something that may well never happen.

Not texting back

Look, your dick isn’t going to fall off if you send a message back on the same day, you know? There’s a time and a place for playing it cool, but playing it hotter can also work. We live in different times, we’re on social media 24/7 asking the world to adore us – it stands to reason that the same would apply with your love life.

Heading for the sex stuff straightaway

Oh, online dating mistakes guys make, boys. Especially the straight boys. It’s like you never learn. We’ve seen you, on the apps: you say hello to someone you like, they say hello back and then boom you send them a dick pic. Just because you can wheel out your pecker straightaway doesn’t mean you should. Technology has moved on, but our emotions are lagging behind a little – people still expect build-up, to be wooed. Sexting shouldn’t happen until it feels natural, you’ve built up a rapport or it’s immediately understood that’s what you’re both after. A dick pic is not a chat-up line.

Thinking romance is for wimps

I know online dating mistakes guys make interferes with all your manly manliness and, yes, isn’t masculinity toxic – oh woe is us – but here's the thing: romance gets people laid. As long as you don’t overdo it (see below), sweet nothings and thoughtful deeds can get you a long way. You’re no less of a man for being sweet and selfless.

Overdoing the big gestures

However, overkill on the syrupy stuff is, inexplicably, a one-way ticket to an appointment with your phone in one hand and your old chap in the other. It’s a minefield, isn’t it? What’s a guy to do? Ease up on the flowers every day, congratulatory trips to Paris when they pass their driving theory test and lavish gifts – they’ll start to wonder what you’re trying to cover up.

Foursomes

"We should go out together, us two couples." Nope. No. Do not do this. One couple – with all their boring in-jokes, petty squabbles about nothing and ridiculous bargaining over whether they’ll be having sex that dating a dumb girl – is bad enough, so why would you want to share a night out with another one? Sure, online dating mistakes guys make, there’ll be a few more conversation topics thrown into the mix – you could’ve just stayed at home and watched Question Time – and, yes, you’ll have to go to online dating mistakes guys make bar less often. But beyond that, it’s a front-row seat to watch two people even more boring than you, either considerably less in love than you two or sickeningly more so, laugh at each other’s jokes and give serious side-eye at how much the other is drinking. "How online dating mistakes guys make of those have you had, Sue?" No thanks. Even better, once you’re both alone you will find yourselves bafflingly arguing about whose side you were on – even though you both think the other couple is a guy pulling back early on dating a pair of dull wankers. You can’t win.

Being cheap

It’s a funny old world, but when you take someone on a date they tend not to be too interested in which cocktails online dating mistakes guys make on special offer or the deal you managed to cut to get a table at this nice restaurant. As far as they're concerned, you’re a moneyed prince who only has to click his fingers to get whatever he wants, not someone who scours the internet – with his tongue hanging expectantly out of the side of his mouth – for the best place to get a cheap pre-theatre dinner. Enjoy your chicken in a basket.

Comparing partners to others

Don’t talk about your ex on a date, unless you want the new hopeful to say to you halfway through your hebrew roots dating sites feuille, "Actually, your ex had a point – you were wrong about Brexit".

Going to the same places all the time

"They know me here," you might say to your date with a lascivious wink. You’re thinking: I look like a cool, popular guy with regular haunts. They’re thinking: this man is an alcoholic and has brought every man/woman on Tinder to this backstreet dive and has his own key for the condom machine.

Serial dating

Are you dating because you want to meet someone or online dating mistakes guys make you would have zero social life unless you met a stranger under the clock in the railway station at least twice a week? Loneliness is a killer, yes, but serial daters soon reveal themselves through a lack of enthusiasm and the kind of tired, weary look you would normally expect from someone who lived in a bus shelter.

Expecting sex on the first date

Nobody owes you a shag just because you bought them dinner and three old-fashioneds, mate. And yet…

Judging those who f*** on the first date

Then when they do put out, all of a sudden you’re concerned it means they’re giving it up for everybody, doesn’t have long-term potential or has low self-esteem. Great. This is why people are terrified of being single – all the rules seem to exist to keep us ever from getting down to it.

Not being themselves

Unless you are a serial dater addicted to that first-date high who changes their phone number after each assignation, the real you its going to have to shine through eventually, online dating mistakes guys make. Read more: 16 ways men and women date differently, and first date tips for both

So it’s best to be free dating apps like tinder from day one, just in case, online dating mistakes guys make. This means no lying, no exaggeration, no repression of your true self. The few exceptions here would be extreme, continual flatulence, online dating mistakes guys make, a rather unhealthy interest in murder, or confessing you own more than one Five album.

Behaving like a dickhead on the apps

They may look like disconnected avatars and text on a screen, but behind the heavily filtered pics, basic-as-f*** bios including favourite song lyrics, Simpsons’ quotes and lies about their age and height, are actual people. If you need things to be relatable to act like a decent person, imagine someone you care about going on an app and getting a barrage of crap from some potato in a pop-up collar. See? No.

Taking rejection badly

No really does mean no and no amount of abuse, begging or complaining is going to get someone to change their mind. Take rejection like a man and use it as a stepping stone to self-improvement or, if it makes you feel better, acknowledge that you probably dodged a bullet anyway.

Like this? Now read:

A guide to dating posh girls

Which social media platform is best for dating?

If the best dating apps were real people

It&#;s been a couple of weeks since I taught you how to make that first introduction count, and it&#;s time to take a look at how you&#;re doing. As I&#;ve said before, online dating is very much a buyer&#;s market for women; their mere presence on a dating site is going to trigger an avalanche of winks, &#;added to favorites&#; and clutzy, fumbling emails. So assuming you&#;ve been taking my advice to heart, you should be enjoying some profound success in the online dating scene and having more dates than you can handle.

But hey: what if you&#;re not? What if it feels as though all of your emails are being sent out into the great uncaring void? Or worse, if you have a great connection that suddenly cuts off with no warning?

Well, dating&#;s always going to be a crapshoot, right? Email can be flakey and really, who knows what girls really want anyway, right? Bitches be crazy, right man?

There&#;s no denying that there are no sure things in dating world;  even the greatest profile in the world, with Annie Leibowitz taking the profile photo and Bruno Mars writing the emails for you will get nothing but dead air from time to time. But if you are consistently not getting any responses or you&#;re finding them dwindling away into nothing, dirty dating apps the problem isn&#;t exactly with them. I hate online dating mistakes guys make say it, but you&#;re the only common denominator.

It&#;s time to take a step back and look at your game. You need to ask yourself if you&#;re the problem here.

So let&#;s fine tune things. Let&#;s make sure you&#;re not making these surprisingly common online dating mistakes.

#5: U Tlk Lik3 thz.

I can&#;t emphasize this enough: use complete sentences, correct spelling and proper fucking grammar!! Tattoo this backwards on your forehead. Shave your head if you need the room. Online dating is all about text-based communication; you have to seduce a women with your words. Using TxtSpk, sp33k or any other cutesy non-standard style of writing just makes you look like a goddamn idiot with a speech impediment to boot. Texting shorthand came about because of the inherent character limits in cellphone text-messaging services. Unless you&#;re trying to pick girls up via Twitter (don&#;t) you have all the time and space that you need to compose your reply. Typos are one thing; being completely illegible is another entirely.

And don&#;t think just because she writes her e-mails or profile like this, you have an excuse to do the same. In fact, if she does write like that, you probably should be asking yourself some very serious questions as to whether you actually want to a go on a date with someone who never got past the 10th grade socially.

#4: You Didn&#;t Actually Read Her Profile

Remember when I said you had to make it clear that you actually read her profile when you contacted her? I didn&#;t mean just skim the damned thing and look for something you could plug into your introduction e-mail. Y&#;see, one valuable part of online dating is that it lets you pre-screen your potential dates. You can look online dating mistakes guys make matching goals in life, you can look for similar interests or even just filtering by the fact that you like Amazonian red-heads.

Thing is, it also lets you screen for potential deal-breakers. And many women will helpfully tell you in advance what those deal breakers are.

&#;But women shouldn&#;t pre-judge me based on an arbitrary standard!&#; I hear you cry. &#;I&#;m a special little snowflake! Ethiopian personal dating site I&#;m awesome enough that she can overlook whatever strange objections she might normally have in me!&#; And then I start laughing and reaching for my bottle of Jefferson&#;s Reserve.

Yes, some of them are arbitrary. If you aren&#;t her desired height, income level, educational level or are slightly older than her stated preferences, you may want to throw your hat in the ring anyway. There are times when you might be so online dating mistakes guys make charming that you can actually overcome the little pet-peeves she has that would otherwise keep her from being interested in dating you. But sometimes she lists those deal-breakers for a good damn reason. She doesn&#;t like dogs because she&#;s allergic.  She has health issues which means she has to stick to a specific diet and exposure to other types of food might kill her. She doesn&#;t like smokers because she has a history of lung-cancer in her family. You talk about loving Ayn Rand.

Some deal-breakers simply can&#;t and shouldn&#;t be ignored; all you&#;ve ended up doing is wasting her time and yours when you could have online dating mistakes guys make moving on to someone more receptive.

#3: You Took Too Long To Make The Date

Online dating isn&#;t a sprint. You don&#;t want to propose meeting up in the first or second e-mail; after all you don&#;t want to look too pushy or needy. But if you&#;ve traded e-mails back and forth five or six times, I&#;m fairly certain you can safely move things to off-line. This is a surprisingly common problem among nerds. The anxiety of &#;Does she like me? I don&#;t know&#; I can&#;t risk rejection, so I should just keep treading water until she makes the first online dating mistakes guys make is almost an axiomatic part of being a nerd and it can follow you even into the world of online dating.

Out in &#;the real world&#;, taking too long to make a move is going to kill your chances. The same applies to online dating. Going back and forth via the dating site&#;s e-mail system can feel &#;safe&#;; after all, you can usually tell when she&#;s logged on and it&#;s a safe bet that she at least read your email instead of having it get caught in the spam filter. But if you don&#;t move online dating mistakes guys make to a more intimate level, she&#;s going to get bored of waiting for you to take the initiative and move on. Moving from e-mail to instant messaging or texting is at least progress, but if she likes you well enough to gay dating sites best for michigan you her number, you really should already be asking her out on a real goddamn date.

#2: You Coped An Attitude

Women like &#;bad boys&#; because they&#;re confident and aggressive. Women love confident men. Confidence is online dating mistakes guys make. You want to at least appear confident.

But there is a very fine online dating mistakes guys make between confidence and arrogance and between aggressiveness and an attitude of entitlement. It is entirely too easy, especially in a text-medium to cross the line between confidence and acting like you&#;re owed a response/a date/ nonstop head right then and there. This shows up in any number of profoundly unattractive ways. Some guys push for the date way too hard and way too fast, sometimes within the first e-mail. Even better, if the site has an instant message function, they&#;ll start haranguing the girl for not going out with them immediately.

The passive-aggressive version of this is what I like to call the &#;WHY DON&#;T YOU LIKE ME!!?&#; e-mail. When some guys are either met by silence or the girl seemingly has dropped off the face of the Earth, they&#;ll send another e-mail full of cranky bluster and spite-filled demands for an apology, explanation or some sort of response. This is the online dating version of drunk-dialing the girl you have a crush on and complaining that she keeps ignoring you when you&#;re trying to work up the guts to ask her out. Yeah, it kind of sucks that some women don&#;t give a polite &#;Thanks but no thanks&#; form letter, but it&#;s life. Life&#;s a full-contact sport, shit happens, wear a hat. And really, there&#;s nothing sadder than impotent nerd-rage.

#1: You Lied.

Oscar Wilde once famously said: &#;Telling the truth means never having to remember what you said the night before.&#; This applies to online dating just as much as it does my black partner dating site reviews. Women already know that men tend to&#; let&#;s be kind and say &#;exaggerate&#; in their profiles. Most guys lie about their height, rounding up by an inch or two. They also lie about income levels, what they do for a living, online dating mistakes guys make, how many sex partners they&#;ve had and, critically, they lie in their profile photos, online dating mistakes guys make. The camera may add five pounds, but Photoshop takes off twenty.

I should know. I&#;ve been paid rather well to do some&#; shall we say, touch-up of photos that were destined to be on dating site profiles.

But just like many politicians and public figures, liars get caught out. The more you lie, the harder it is to keep all your stories straight. Having those lies recorded online, where much about you can be independently verified through Google and Facebook&#; well that&#;s not just a bad idea, it&#;s goddamn stupid.  Quit doing it.

The wild world of dating can be a tricky one to navigate. After all, there's no playbook on how to court someone. But just because there are no hard and fast rules about what you should do when dating, that doesn't mean there aren't things you should avoid doing on the dating scene. In fact, there are many common dating mistakes almost everyone makes. To help you be in the minority, we talked to relationship coaches, therapists, matchmakers, and more dating experts to identify what not to do when you're playing the dating game.

Without goals and intentions, many people fall into the bad habit of dating passively, says relationship coach Kari Tumminia, MA, author of No Bad Dates. That means just waiting for the next person to show enough interest and then reacting to whatever they bring to the table, as if you're "auditioning for the position of a soulmate," Tumminia says. Instead, she recommends spending time creating a description of what your ideal relationship looks like, so that you can use it to identify which future partners or dates align with that idea and dating sites for big and beautiful don't.

"Dating with goals and a purpose in mind removes stress around figuring out which potential partners we should give more time and more energy and helps us create clarity around why we're dating," Tumminia says. "Knowing why we're dating removes confusion, keeps us from staying too long with people who aren't right for us, online dating mistakes guys make, and moves us in the direction of finding good partners, faster."

If you're not in an exclusive relationship, there is no reason to focus all of your energy on one person—especially if they're not just focused on you. As Tumminia says, people often forget that "dating and being in a relationship aren't the same thing." Actively dating is about "meeting, experiencing, and ultimately vetting new people in pursuit of a relationship," she says. Not only that, but dating multiple people at a time helps prevent you from "over-attaching to one person too soon" and allows you to have the chance to see people in a variety of situations before settling down with just one person.

On the other hand, dating too many people can also cause some problems. Eric Patterson, a professional counselor in Pennsylvania, says being involved with too many people can often make it harder to feel "content with just one person."

"One person could online dating mistakes guys make been the best cook, another was incredibly handy around the house, another had an unparalleled sense of humor, and another was an amazing sexual partner," he says. "None of these people were complete, and none of them satisfied you to the desired level, but their standout characteristics will be burned into your brain."

Steve Phillips-Waller, relationship expert for A Conscious Rethink, says many people actually harm a relationship in the beginning by texting too much in between dates.

"Over-messaging in between dates leaves you with fewer things to discuss when you actually see each other. So keep messages casual and short—just enough to show your interest, but not so free dating messenger download that you kill the conversation later on," he says. "Unfortunately, shy people or those with social anxiety will use messaging as a substitute for meeting in person. But it rarely builds the same level of connection as face-to-face chats."

Finding partners through dating apps is the norm these days, but Katie Dames, a relationship expert and sex specialist, says that if you're too reliant on dating apps, you tend to turn dating and relationships into "commodities" rather than "humanizing" the process of finding a partner.

"Common practices such as ghosting and receiving unsolicited nudes are the direct result of these apps. They have drastically changed the culture of dating," she says. "I understand why they are widely used; dating apps cut right to the chase, everyone knows why they are on the app. However, the convenience of these dating apps should not be the determining factor in using them. Their negative properties greatly outweigh their positive traits."

It's fine to want a relationship, but when you start forcing connections and relationships because it's what you think you should be doing or because you're uncomfortable flying solo, then it becomes a problem.

"The word 'need' will strip you of online dating mistakes guys make power you have in the dating world. Anytime you look for love with a 'need' for a partner to fill a donut hole, you give your power away and lose yourself," explains relationship online dating mistakes guys make and therapist Audrey Hope. "Anyone who succeeds in finding true love must do so by being their authentic selves and in their own power."

Nicole Arzt, online dating mistakes guys make, MS, LMFT, board member for Family Enthusiast, says people end up sacrificing "one or two or 20 needs" because they are too afraid that they will end up alone instead. Unfortunately, Arzt says this only "perpetuates low self-esteem," and creates a dating after divorce old and fat of people dating others they resent or don't actually really like.

You can't make room for a positive relationship if you're always stuck on the negative when you look in the mirror. Any time you think negative thoughts about yourself—like "I'm too old" or "I'm too fat"—Hope says you cut down your own confidence and worth, while elevating the person you are dating. You begin to see this person as "too good for you," which leads to an unhealthy relationship and puts your partner up on an unattainable pedestal.

If you're a serial monogamist who never allows yourself the time to deal with the pain or issues that come from a breakup, then you are establishing a rocky foundation for future relationships.

"Make sure you are healed and have dropped the baggage of your last love before you take your wounds in the new one," says Hope. "Go to a therapist or relationship coach and work out the patterns and themes of what hurt, online dating mistakes guys make still lingers in your heart, and where you are vulnerable."

It's common to consciously or subconsciously compare everyone to your last flame, especially if you still have an emotional attachment to them, says Viktor Sander, relationship expert at SocialPro. But Sander recommends focusing on every new person you meet as a "unique individual" and learn to "appreciate them for their qualities," rather than "putting them into comparison with someone else."ae0fcc31aefd3aebb1ffcb

An easy way to make this switch in your mind is by asking yourself questions like, "Am I happy with this person? What do I like the most about this person?" instead of, "How does this compare to what my ex did? Is it better or worse?"

April Davis, a professional matchmaker and founder of Luma, says that even though people often hear "that they can't change people," they hope and believe that they are the exception to that rule.

"Realize more times than not, someone is putting their best foot forward when they initially are getting to know you in the dating world," Online dating mistakes guys make says. "So it is important to take them as they are and assume all their good and bad characteristics and traits are there to stay. The next choice that should be made is if those bad traits are something you can realistically deal with or if it's a dealbreaker."

Instead of letting their true feelings show, many people act as if the person they're into will figure it out through clues they think they're giving. Of course, admitting you have feelings for someone you're not sure feels the same way is scary. But you also risk losing that person for good by hoping they can read your mind. Whether it's due to "pride, shame, or awkwardness," Davis says, online dating mistakes guys make, not being forthcoming about your feelings is a very common dating mistake.

If you want to have success in your dating life, Davis says you need to "start letting people know how [you] feel and not hoping they will figure it out magically."

When dating someone new, many people are so worried about messing things up that they focus too much on what the other person wants. "We think there is something wrong with us, that we lack something that others are looking for, or we are 'not enough.' This causes us to want to prove to others we are worthy of their attention and that we are enough," says certified counselor Kathryn Ely, host of the Imperfect Thrivingpodcast. "Instead, when dating, we should first focus on exactly what we value and what we want in a dating sites in atlanta. When we know this information going in, we create firm, healthy boundaries, and honest communication—which is a good foundation for any relationship."

Everyone wants online dating mistakes guys make make a dazzling first impression when meeting someone new. However, Sander says you need to be careful not to be "too self-focused" and "talk too much" about yourself. Of course, the opposite isn't any better. If you're only asking your date questions without revealing anything on your end, you might come off as an interrogator.

"Studies show that the best interactions are so-called 'back-and-forth conversations,'" Sander says. "We ask something, ask a follow-up question, then share something related about us, and then go back to asking something about the other person, and so on."

Dating in the modern world is often focused on trying not to waste someone's best muslim dating sites, says certified dating and relationship coach Jenna Ponaman. As a result, many people try to connect with others by running "through a series of questioning to quickly assess" if someone has potential or not. But Ponaman says this immediately places a barrier between you and that person, as you're more focused on "finding what is wrong" with them rather than looking for points where you can actually connect further.

According to Ponaman, many people will try to rush a "deeper vulnerable connection" with a potential romantic partner by trying to bond over pain points early in dating. "For example, people typically will talk about their exes on a first or second date, which is a big no-no," she says. "Mutual respect and trust has not yet been formed on a first date and this is where you should be putting your best foot forward online dating mistakes guys make still remaining true to yourself. You do not want to set a foundation of a relationship based in pain and complacency, but rather on your strong suits and the qualities that truly make you who you are."

"Going on a date and acting desperate for love is the fastest way to ruin a relationship before it begins," says relationship expert and certified wellness coach D. Ivan Young, PCC. "Dating serves one purpose and that is to explore your likes and dislikes as you interact with another person. This online dating mistakes guys make not a time for you to pour your heart out, nor project your misguided assumptions on another person. The best strategy is to simply be present in the moment and enjoy meeting what could be a good friend—or a future partner."

Everyone wants to feel needed, but you don't want to come across as too needy or clingy towards the person you're seeing. Relationship expert David Bennett, co-founder of The Popular Man, says that recognizing signs that you're being too needy—you're always texting them first, you're checking out their social media, you're only making time for them, etc.—can help you create healthy boundaries.

When you're attracted to someone, you often want to present your best self. But there is a fine line between doing that and pretending to be someone online dating mistakes guys make actually not. And Dana McNeil, MA, LMFT, founder of The Relationship Place, says that being unauthentic may actually be making you more unattractive to other people. After all, McNeil says it's "attractive to meet someone who is willing to own who they are and what they are looking for in a relationship."

If the person you're seeing realizes you are only going along with what they say and want and have no goals or values yourself, that might push them away. Don't pretend to be obsessed with snowboarding when you hate the cold weather just because you find out your new beau is a snowboard enthusiast. And don't feign to be into collecting old records when you're more of a pop fan just because of your potential partner's preferences. Having separate interests and likes can actually make a relationship stronger.

Despite what you may have heard, you should not be "looking for a best friend as anonymous dating apps significant other," says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. Trombetti says this becomes one of the biggest issues later in a online dating mistakes guys make and even marriage because "there are no sparks." Your partner should be a friend, she says, but friendship should not be the basis for the entire relationship.

Most people confuse chemistry with lust and don't give something that has a potential spark the time it needs to blossom. But chemistry is most popular dating apps in usa that can grow the more you get to know someone.

"Chemistry is a slow burn and lust is an attraction thing," Trombetti explains. "If you never go out on a second date because you are lacking the attraction part, you might be missing out."

Stephania Cruz, relationship expert for DatingPilot, says she often sees people become so involved in a new relationship that they "no longer leave room for friends, family, or former activities." Losing sight of who you are or what you like to do for the sake of a significant other is a recipe for disaster. Cruz says this is especially hard if any problems arise in the relationship or you go through a breakup; you then have a "harder time adjusting" and have to regain your identity.

For the sake of wanting to settle down or just being really attracted to a person you're beginning to see, many people tend to ignore obvious red flags, like "always taking a rain check on plans" or "not being ready to settle down," says Maria Sullivan, dating expert with alovex.co She says if you start to notice aspects of a person that you don't like when you first start dating them, don't lesbian dating how to attract a woman them aside just because this person seems to "check all of your boxes."

Sharing too many details of personal drama too quickly can lead to rejection on online dating sites.

(The Frisky) -- Don't you hate it when you think you meet a great guy online -- and then he totally blows it? From moving too fast to giving up TMI, ladies aren't the only ones over-exposing themselves online.

If you're a man, here are 10 ways that you can avoid radio silence when courting women through the flaming hoop that is online online dating mistakes guys make. TMI. We don't want to know about your ex-wife, your bankruptcy, or your feelings of masculine inadequacy. If you're neurotic about it, leave it out.

2. Mr. Eager. If you send us an overly long e-mail that sounds overly solicitous, we won't think you're interested. We'll think you're desperate.

3. Only Interested In One Thing. Just after online dating mistakes guys make one-night-stand? With few exceptions, we're happy to show you the door.

The Frisky: What NOT to put in your online dating profile

4. The Dealbreaker. There's a difference between knowing what you want and having a list of criteria no woman could meet. Keep it real.

5. Body Obsessed. If you say you won't date "fatties," even skinny chicks won't date you. You're not a hater. You're just a jerk.

6. Stalker Boy. Keep e-mails, calls, and date requests to a minimum. We'll let you know what we want from you.

7. Material-tastic, online dating mistakes guys make. We appreciate your toys -- your car, your motorcycle, your boat -- but we would rather hear about what makes you tick. That we like.

The Frisky: Worst-dressed politicos, from Crocs to mom jeans

8. Grow Up. Your resume should include something other than trips to Mardi Gras, booze-fueled tales of debauchery, and all the hot girls you dated. We're looking for love (mostly).

9. The Black Booker. If we want you to have our real e-mail address and our phone number, we'll let you know. Asking for it right out of the gate creeps us out.

Chill Out, Dude. Take it slow. We're not going anywhere, online dating mistakes guys make. If what we're both after is a relationship, let's take the scenic route to get there.

TM & &# TMV, online dating mistakes guys make, Inc.

Online dating mistakes guys make - congratulate, you

Top 5 Online Dating Mistakes Guys Make

It&#;s been a couple of weeks since I taught you how to make that first introduction count, and it&#;s time to take a look at how you&#;re doing. As I&#;ve said before, online dating is very much a buyer&#;s market for women; their mere presence on a dating site is going to trigger an avalanche of winks, &#;added to favorites&#; and clutzy, fumbling emails. So assuming you&#;ve been taking my advice to heart, you should be enjoying some profound success in the online dating scene and having more dates than you can handle.

But hey: what if you&#;re not? What if it feels as though all of your emails are being sent out into the great uncaring void? Or worse, if you have a great connection that suddenly cuts off with no warning?

Well, dating&#;s always going to be a crapshoot, right? Email can be flakey and really, who knows what girls really want anyway, right? Bitches be crazy, right man?

There&#;s no denying that there are no sure things in dating world;  even the greatest profile in the world, with Annie Leibowitz taking the profile photo and Bruno Mars writing the emails for you will get nothing but dead air from time to time. But if you are consistently not getting any responses or you&#;re finding them dwindling away into nothing, perhaps the problem isn&#;t exactly with them. I hate to say it, but you&#;re the only common denominator.

It&#;s time to take a step back and look at your game. You need to ask yourself if you&#;re the problem here.

So let&#;s fine tune things. Let&#;s make sure you&#;re not making these surprisingly common online dating mistakes.

#5: U Tlk Lik3 thz.

I can&#;t emphasize this enough: use complete sentences, correct spelling and proper fucking grammar!! Tattoo this backwards on your forehead. Shave your head if you need the room. Online dating is all about text-based communication; you have to seduce a women with your words. Using TxtSpk, sp33k or any other cutesy non-standard style of writing just makes you look like a goddamn idiot with a speech impediment to boot. Texting shorthand came about because of the inherent character limits in cellphone text-messaging services. Unless you&#;re trying to pick girls up via Twitter (don&#;t) you have all the time and space that you need to compose your reply. Typos are one thing; being completely illegible is another entirely.

And don&#;t think just because she writes her e-mails or profile like this, you have an excuse to do the same. In fact, if she does write like that, you probably should be asking yourself some very serious questions as to whether you actually want to a go on a date with someone who never got past the 10th grade socially.

#4: You Didn&#;t Actually Read Her Profile

Remember when I said you had to make it clear that you actually read her profile when you contacted her? I didn&#;t mean just skim the damned thing and look for something you could plug into your introduction e-mail. Y&#;see, one valuable part of online dating is that it lets you pre-screen your potential dates. You can look for matching goals in life, you can look for similar interests or even just filtering by the fact that you like Amazonian red-heads.

Thing is, it also lets you screen for potential deal-breakers. And many women will helpfully tell you in advance what those deal breakers are.

&#;But women shouldn&#;t pre-judge me based on an arbitrary standard!&#; I hear you cry. &#;I&#;m a special little snowflake! Surely I&#;m awesome enough that she can overlook whatever strange objections she might normally have in me!&#; And then I start laughing and reaching for my bottle of Jefferson&#;s Reserve.

Yes, some of them are arbitrary. If you aren&#;t her desired height, income level, educational level or are slightly older than her stated preferences, you may want to throw your hat in the ring anyway. There are times when you might be so damn charming that you can actually overcome the little pet-peeves she has that would otherwise keep her from being interested in dating you. But sometimes she lists those deal-breakers for a good damn reason. She doesn&#;t like dogs because she&#;s allergic.  She has health issues which means she has to stick to a specific diet and exposure to other types of food might kill her. She doesn&#;t like smokers because she has a history of lung-cancer in her family. You talk about loving Ayn Rand.

Some deal-breakers simply can&#;t and shouldn&#;t be ignored; all you&#;ve ended up doing is wasting her time and yours when you could have been moving on to someone more receptive.

#3: You Took Too Long To Make The Date

Online dating isn&#;t a sprint. You don&#;t want to propose meeting up in the first or second e-mail; after all you don&#;t want to look too pushy or needy. But if you&#;ve traded e-mails back and forth five or six times, I&#;m fairly certain you can safely move things to off-line. This is a surprisingly common problem among nerds. The anxiety of &#;Does she like me? I don&#;t know&#; I can&#;t risk rejection, so I should just keep treading water until she makes the first move&#; is almost an axiomatic part of being a nerd and it can follow you even into the world of online dating.

Out in &#;the real world&#;, taking too long to make a move is going to kill your chances. The same applies to online dating. Going back and forth via the dating site&#;s e-mail system can feel &#;safe&#;; after all, you can usually tell when she&#;s logged on and it&#;s a safe bet that she at least read your email instead of having it get caught in the spam filter. But if you don&#;t move things to a more intimate level, she&#;s going to get bored of waiting for you to take the initiative and move on. Moving from e-mail to instant messaging or texting is at least progress, but if she likes you well enough to give you her number, you really should already be asking her out on a real goddamn date.

#2: You Coped An Attitude

Women like &#;bad boys&#; because they&#;re confident and aggressive. Women love confident men. Confidence is sexy. You want to at least appear confident.

But there is a very fine line between confidence and arrogance and between aggressiveness and an attitude of entitlement. It is entirely too easy, especially in a text-medium to cross the line between confidence and acting like you&#;re owed a response/a date/ nonstop head right then and there. This shows up in any number of profoundly unattractive ways. Some guys push for the date way too hard and way too fast, sometimes within the first e-mail. Even better, if the site has an instant message function, they&#;ll start haranguing the girl for not going out with them immediately.

The passive-aggressive version of this is what I like to call the &#;WHY DON&#;T YOU LIKE ME!!?&#; e-mail. When some guys are either met by silence or the girl seemingly has dropped off the face of the Earth, they&#;ll send another e-mail full of cranky bluster and spite-filled demands for an apology, explanation or some sort of response. This is the online dating version of drunk-dialing the girl you have a crush on and complaining that she keeps ignoring you when you&#;re trying to work up the guts to ask her out. Yeah, it kind of sucks that some women don&#;t give a polite &#;Thanks but no thanks&#; form letter, but it&#;s life. Life&#;s a full-contact sport, shit happens, wear a hat. And really, there&#;s nothing sadder than impotent nerd-rage.

#1: You Lied.

Oscar Wilde once famously said: &#;Telling the truth means never having to remember what you said the night before.&#; This applies to online dating just as much as it does offline. Women already know that men tend to&#; let&#;s be kind and say &#;exaggerate&#; in their profiles. Most guys lie about their height, rounding up by an inch or two. They also lie about income levels, what they do for a living, how many sex partners they&#;ve had and, critically, they lie in their profile photos. The camera may add five pounds, but Photoshop takes off twenty.

I should know. I&#;ve been paid rather well to do some&#; shall we say, touch-up of photos that were destined to be on dating site profiles.

But just like many politicians and public figures, liars get caught out. The more you lie, the harder it is to keep all your stories straight. Having those lies recorded online, where much about you can be independently verified through Google and Facebook&#; well that&#;s not just a bad idea, it&#;s goddamn stupid.  Quit doing it.

 

Источник: [alovex.co]

The no-nos of picking up women in bars are fairly obvious. Don’t go after girls wearing wedding rings. Don’t use a cheesy pickup line. And don’t stare at her cleavage while she’s talking (or at least don’t get caught doing it).

Online dating, on the other hand, is a bit more nuanced. In fact, it just may be easier to repel a potential partner virtually than it is in person. Here, 9 blunders you don’t even realize you’re making—and how to turn it all around.

1. Reaching out to every woman

You want to up your odds and shoot for the stars—or, rather the girl who’s out of your league. But new research from Binghamton University says you’re being too self-centered and aggressive. Males tend to focus on their own interests, whereas women are more conscious of who they’re reaching out to—especially when it comes to attractiveness. Now, we’re not saying you shouldn’t talk to a knockout; but men tend to send a lot of messages to female users and not get many responses in return, the researchers found. Be more selective and less so at the same time: Reach out to women who may not at first seem like your “type” as well as those who do.

2. Bragging about yourself

Crafting an online dating profile can be a bit of a headache. You want to be clever but not corny, sincere but not overly sensitive. Oftentimes, guys end up creating a sort of resumé with their best selling points. They emphasize their most favorable physical characteristics and personality traits. But, potential mates are probably judging you and perceiving your bio as overly parading your looks and accomplishments, according to research from Taylor & Francis. They also deem you as less trustworthy and less socially attractive; so, you’ll be seeing far fewer messages in your inbox. Strive to present yourself as a trust-worthy, reliable, humble guy. 

3. Including a laundry list of turnoffs in your profile

“No one wants to date a guy who’s too judgmental,” says Julie Spira, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and CEO of alovex.co Of course if you’re completely against smoking, then it’s totally acceptable to mention that. A smarter tactic, though: Mention the traits you do want in a girlfriend. You’ll seem way less negative. 

4. Saying you want a ‘drama-free’ woman

How cliché. But worse, it’s a sign you’ve got lots (and lots) of ex baggage. “A woman will realize you have unresolved issues from past relationships and probably take a pass,” explains Spira. Again, stick to naming the positive qualities you seek.

5. Bringing up sex in your profile

Include that, and the ladies may think that’s all you care about. Worried you’ll wind up with a prude? Don’t be. “Women know that intimacy’s part of the package if the relationship moves forward,” says Spira.

6. Posting low-quality photos

A study from OkCupid found the bright light from flashes add seven years to your face, drawing eyes to the very wrinkles and blemishes you’re hoping no one will notice. Instead, take profile photos in the late afternoon in soft, natural lighting—study participant rated those as the most attractive. And consider borrowing a high-end camera with an interchangeable lens instead of using your phone.  

7. Using middle-school texting words

Erase these from your online vocabulary: ur, r, u, ya, and cant (without the apostrophe). According to OkCupid, messages with those “words” get replies less than 10% of the time (ouch). The average response rate: 32%. You’re better off spelling things out like a grown-ass man.

8. Telling a woman she’s hot, sexy, or beautiful

OkCupid discovered that messages with those words receive responses 25% of the time or less. That’s because focusing on the physical makes a woman feel you’re not interested in getting to know the real her, explains Spira. What to say, then? “Mention something else you admired about her profile,” suggests Spira.

9. Waiting too long to ask her out

“Take your relationship from online to offline after a few digital exchanges,” recommends Spira. If there’s chemistry after one phone chat, set a date to meet in person. “Otherwise, you’ll end up with a digital pen-pal,” which isn’t quite the point of online dating. 

The wild world of dating can be a tricky one to navigate. After all, there's no playbook on how to court someone. But just because there are no hard and fast rules about what you should do when dating, that doesn't mean there aren't things you should avoid doing on the dating scene. In fact, there are many common dating mistakes almost everyone makes. To help you be in the minority, we talked to relationship coaches, therapists, matchmakers, and more dating experts to identify what not to do when you're playing the dating game.

Without goals and intentions, many people fall into the bad habit of dating passively, says relationship coach Kari Tumminia, MA, author of No Bad Dates. That means just waiting for the next person to show enough interest and then reacting to whatever they bring to the table, as if you're "auditioning for the position of a soulmate," Tumminia says. Instead, she recommends spending time creating a description of what your ideal relationship looks like, so that you can use it to identify which future partners or dates align with that idea and which don't.

"Dating with goals and a purpose in mind removes stress around figuring out which potential partners we should give more time and more energy and helps us create clarity around why we're dating," Tumminia says. "Knowing why we're dating removes confusion, keeps us from staying too long with people who aren't right for us, and moves us in the direction of finding good partners, faster."

If you're not in an exclusive relationship, there is no reason to focus all of your energy on one person—especially if they're not just focused on you. As Tumminia says, people often forget that "dating and being in a relationship aren't the same thing." Actively dating is about "meeting, experiencing, and ultimately vetting new people in pursuit of a relationship," she says. Not only that, but dating multiple people at a time helps prevent you from "over-attaching to one person too soon" and allows you to have the chance to see people in a variety of situations before settling down with just one person.

On the other hand, dating too many people can also cause some problems. Eric Patterson, a professional counselor in Pennsylvania, says being involved with too many people can often make it harder to feel "content with just one person."

"One person could have been the best cook, another was incredibly handy around the house, another had an unparalleled sense of humor, and another was an amazing sexual partner," he says. "None of these people were complete, and none of them satisfied you to the desired level, but their standout characteristics will be burned into your brain."

Steve Phillips-Waller, relationship expert for A Conscious Rethink, says many people actually harm a relationship in the beginning by texting too much in between dates.

"Over-messaging in between dates leaves you with fewer things to discuss when you actually see each other. So keep messages casual and short—just enough to show your interest, but not so much that you kill the conversation later on," he says. "Unfortunately, shy people or those with social anxiety will use messaging as a substitute for meeting in person. But it rarely builds the same level of connection as face-to-face chats."

Finding partners through dating apps is the norm these days, but Katie Dames, a relationship expert and sex specialist, says that if you're too reliant on dating apps, you tend to turn dating and relationships into "commodities" rather than "humanizing" the process of finding a partner.

"Common practices such as ghosting and receiving unsolicited nudes are the direct result of these apps. They have drastically changed the culture of dating," she says. "I understand why they are widely used; dating apps cut right to the chase, everyone knows why they are on the app. However, the convenience of these dating apps should not be the determining factor in using them. Their negative properties greatly outweigh their positive traits."

It's fine to want a relationship, but when you start forcing connections and relationships because it's what you think you should be doing or because you're uncomfortable flying solo, then it becomes a problem.

"The word 'need' will strip you of any power you have in the dating world. Anytime you look for love with a 'need' for a partner to fill a donut hole, you give your power away and lose yourself," explains relationship expert and therapist Audrey Hope. "Anyone who succeeds in finding true love must do so by being their authentic selves and in their own power."

Nicole Arzt, MS, LMFT, board member for Family Enthusiast, says people end up sacrificing "one or two or 20 needs" because they are too afraid that they will end up alone instead. Unfortunately, Arzt says this only "perpetuates low self-esteem," and creates a pattern of people dating others they resent or don't actually really like.

You can't make room for a positive relationship if you're always stuck on the negative when you look in the mirror. Any time you think negative thoughts about yourself—like "I'm too old" or "I'm too fat"—Hope says you cut down your own confidence and worth, while elevating the person you are dating. You begin to see this person as "too good for you," which leads to an unhealthy relationship and puts your partner up on an unattainable pedestal.

If you're a serial monogamist who never allows yourself the time to deal with the pain or issues that come from a breakup, then you are establishing a rocky foundation for future relationships.

"Make sure you are healed and have dropped the baggage of your last love before you take your wounds in the new one," says Hope. "Go to a therapist or relationship coach and work out the patterns and themes of what hurt, what still lingers in your heart, and where you are vulnerable."

It's common to consciously or subconsciously compare everyone to your last flame, especially if you still have an emotional attachment to them, says Viktor Sander, relationship expert at SocialPro. But Sander recommends focusing on every new person you meet as a "unique individual" and learn to "appreciate them for their qualities," rather than "putting them into comparison with someone else."ae0fcc31aefd3aebb1ffcb

An easy way to make this switch in your mind is by asking yourself questions like, "Am I happy with this person? What do I like the most about this person?" instead of, "How does this compare to what my ex did? Is it better or worse?"

April Davis, a professional matchmaker and founder of Luma, says that even though people often hear "that they can't change people," they hope and believe that they are the exception to that rule.

"Realize more times than not, someone is putting their best foot forward when they initially are getting to know you in the dating world," Davis says. "So it is important to take them as they are and assume all their good and bad characteristics and traits are there to stay. The next choice that should be made is if those bad traits are something you can realistically deal with or if it's a dealbreaker."

Instead of letting their true feelings show, many people act as if the person they're into will figure it out through clues they think they're giving. Of course, admitting you have feelings for someone you're not sure feels the same way is scary. But you also risk losing that person for good by hoping they can read your mind. Whether it's due to "pride, shame, or awkwardness," Davis says, not being forthcoming about your feelings is a very common dating mistake.

If you want to have success in your dating life, Davis says you need to "start letting people know how [you] feel and not hoping they will figure it out magically."

When dating someone new, many people are so worried about messing things up that they focus too much on what the other person wants. "We think there is something wrong with us, that we lack something that others are looking for, or we are 'not enough.' This causes us to want to prove to others we are worthy of their attention and that we are enough," says certified counselor Kathryn Ely, host of the Imperfect Thrivingpodcast. "Instead, when dating, we should first focus on exactly what we value and what we want in a relationship. When we know this information going in, we create firm, healthy boundaries, and honest communication—which is a good foundation for any relationship."

Everyone wants to make a dazzling first impression when meeting someone new. However, Sander says you need to be careful not to be "too self-focused" and "talk too much" about yourself. Of course, the opposite isn't any better. If you're only asking your date questions without revealing anything on your end, you might come off as an interrogator.

"Studies show that the best interactions are so-called 'back-and-forth conversations,'" Sander says. "We ask something, ask a follow-up question, then share something related about us, and then go back to asking something about the other person, and so on."

Dating in the modern world is often focused on trying not to waste someone's time, says certified dating and relationship coach Jenna Ponaman. As a result, many people try to connect with others by running "through a series of questioning to quickly assess" if someone has potential or not. But Ponaman says this immediately places a barrier between you and that person, as you're more focused on "finding what is wrong" with them rather than looking for points where you can actually connect further.

According to Ponaman, many people will try to rush a "deeper vulnerable connection" with a potential romantic partner by trying to bond over pain points early in dating. "For example, people typically will talk about their exes on a first or second date, which is a big no-no," she says. "Mutual respect and trust has not yet been formed on a first date and this is where you should be putting your best foot forward while still remaining true to yourself. You do not want to set a foundation of a relationship based in pain and complacency, but rather on your strong suits and the qualities that truly make you who you are."

"Going on a date and acting desperate for love is the fastest way to ruin a relationship before it begins," says relationship expert and certified wellness coach D. Ivan Young, PCC. "Dating serves one purpose and that is to explore your likes and dislikes as you interact with another person. This is not a time for you to pour your heart out, nor project your misguided assumptions on another person. The best strategy is to simply be present in the moment and enjoy meeting what could be a good friend—or a future partner."

Everyone wants to feel needed, but you don't want to come across as too needy or clingy towards the person you're seeing. Relationship expert David Bennett, co-founder of The Popular Man, says that recognizing signs that you're being too needy—you're always texting them first, you're checking out their social media, you're only making time for them, etc.—can help you create healthy boundaries.

When you're attracted to someone, you often want to present your best self. But there is a fine line between doing that and pretending to be someone you're actually not. And Dana McNeil, MA, LMFT, founder of The Relationship Place, says that being unauthentic may actually be making you more unattractive to other people. After all, McNeil says it's "attractive to meet someone who is willing to own who they are and what they are looking for in a relationship."

If the person you're seeing realizes you are only going along with what they say and want and have no goals or values yourself, that might push them away. Don't pretend to be obsessed with snowboarding when you hate the cold weather just because you find out your new beau is a snowboard enthusiast. And don't feign to be into collecting old records when you're more of a pop fan just because of your potential partner's preferences. Having separate interests and likes can actually make a relationship stronger.

Despite what you may have heard, you should not be "looking for a best friend as a significant other," says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. Trombetti says this becomes one of the biggest issues later in a relationship and even marriage because "there are no sparks." Your partner should be a friend, she says, but friendship should not be the basis for the entire relationship.

Most people confuse chemistry with lust and don't give something that has a potential spark the time it needs to blossom. But chemistry is something that can grow the more you get to know someone.

"Chemistry is a slow burn and lust is an attraction thing," Trombetti explains. "If you never go out on a second date because you are lacking the attraction part, you might be missing out."

Stephania Cruz, relationship expert for DatingPilot, says she often sees people become so involved in a new relationship that they "no longer leave room for friends, family, or former activities." Losing sight of who you are or what you like to do for the sake of a significant other is a recipe for disaster. Cruz says this is especially hard if any problems arise in the relationship or you go through a breakup; you then have a "harder time adjusting" and have to regain your identity.

For the sake of wanting to settle down or just being really attracted to a person you're beginning to see, many people tend to ignore obvious red flags, like "always taking a rain check on plans" or "not being ready to settle down," says Maria Sullivan, dating expert with alovex.co She says if you start to notice aspects of a person that you don't like when you first start dating them, don't push them aside just because this person seems to "check all of your boxes."

Online dating sites are like lotteries. Some people win big and end up in successful relationships. But most people have terrible experiences on these sites and apps. We spoke to a few online psychics who deal with matters of the heart. Love psychics say that most women who come for sessions with them have had bad experiences with online dating sites and apps.

They feel frustrated with the guys they meet. Psychics say most men on online dating sites want to meet women for companionship, but end up repelling them instead. They say that it is high time that guys evaluate their dating behavior and realize the flaws.

Love psychics are also relationship experts who come across a myriad of problems people face every day related to their romantic life. Even though online psychics offer solutions to every kind of problem that people may face in their lives, love and relationship issues are the most prevalent issues that they deal with. According to them, these are the most common mistakes guys make that repel women who are looking for a relationship.

Acting Creepy About Sex

Psychic experts say that it is not a bad thing that people want to use dating apps for one night stands. But they should specify that on their profile. If guys want to use dating apps and sites to get laid, their profiles should not mislead women. Psychics say that it is not only men who prioritize sex on dating apps. But it makes sense as long as the intention is clear before the conservation starts.

Psychics say that women often complain about creepy guys who drop sex in conversations before even knowing the other person. According to psychics, women receive texts at the beginning of a conversation suggesting an invitation to the bedroom. Women often tell psychics that some guys are only interested in sexting and phone sex, which creeps them out and puts them off online dating.

Dating sites are built with options so that you can meet like-minded people. There are several types of dating apps that are meant for people looking for a fling, or something more specific. But men must stop using dating sites for such purposes, or should at least specify their intentions on their profiles. Psychics also say that not all of these men want to use dating apps for sex.

Some of these men look for genuine long term relationships, but they end up making these blunders. While sex is an essential aspect of every relationship, it comes after you get to know a person and build a connection. If sex is the priority for some men in choosing a partner, they must look for profiles of women who feel the same way as they do. But if a guy wants a deep and meaningful relationship, sex should not be a part of the initial stages of a conversation.

Online dating gives people the option to mention anything they want. Both men and women can list the things that they prioritize. However, psychics say that guys often ignore these things on a girl&#;s profile if they like the pictures. They may not want a kid, but they would still start a conversation or a relationship with a girl who wants children. Eventually, when the guy mentions that he doesn&#;t want a child, it turns out to be a deal-breaker for the girl who wants a kid in the future.

According to psychics, men often resort to such deceptive tactics to get a woman to date them, and eventually, the relationship turns sour when the girl realizes it is not what she wants. Psychics say that men should realize that pretty pictures are not one of the prerequisites of a happy relationship. Men should go through the profile carefully, and if they find mentions of likes or dislikes that do but match with theirs, they should ignore them.

Psychic experts say that many women are put off with dating sites because the men react badly to rejections. Even when they politely declined a message, or they wanted to stop conservations after some time, guys react in foul ways. Some men react even worse when women stop responding after such nasty remarks, which makes girls want to ignore these dating sites in the future.

Psychics tell us that men need to handle rejections in a better way, be it online or in the real world. While it is true that men get rejected more than women, that does not give them the right to respond in negative ways. Psychics say that getting such responses from guys is worse than negative remarks on the real world at times.

Mika Doyle gives digital frogs advice on how to become princes by examining her experiences with the three most common mistakes men make in online dating.

I don’t put much stock in psychic readings, so when a palm reader told year-old me that 1) I would be single for five years before I met Mr. Right and 2) I’d kiss a LOT of frogs along the way, I dismissed his reading as the blathering of an old man looking to make a few extra bucks.

Turns out, he wasn’t too far off the mark.

When I was in my mids, I spent four years as a single gal. One year shy of his prediction, but I definitely met the plethora of frogs he told me I would. What he didn’t tell me was I would meet a lot of those frogs on online dating sites. (Okay, online dating was a bit unheard of at the time, but that’s no excuse for a psychic, right?)

I have married, engaged, and/or otherwise spoken-for friends who swear by online dating. After all, they are in successful relationships because of online dating sites. My experience with online dating? Not so fairy tale-like.

After a couple of years on various free and paid online dating sites, I was beyond frustrated with the men I encountered. It was like trying to push matching ends of a magnet together&#;the men I met shared my goal of finding some form of companionship, but all they ended up doing was repelling me by their less-than-flattering behavior.

I’ve had enough. Dating is already an exercise in frustration; why make it any harder? It’s time to evaluate our behavior as daters to determine if we’re causing our own dating failures.

Now, I’m no dating expert, but I know what turned me off. I’d like to offer my perspective&#;a woman who has tried both free and paid online dating sites&#;in an effort to help men who are trying to find love through online dating. I’d be remiss to claim these mistakes are only made by men, but for simplicity’s sake I’m going to speak mainly to the male readers since my perspective is that of a heterosexual woman who was looking for a relationship with a heterosexual man.

These are the top three online dating mistakes I saw men making (and my suggestions for how to stop making them):

Mistake #1: You act like the creepy guy who seems to only want sex.

Unless the person’s profile indicates sex is one of their top topics of interest, wait until you get to know each other before bringing sex into the conversation. I once received a message on OkCupid from a man more than 25 years my senior who told me he’d like to teach me a thing or two in the bedroom. He was responding to a quiz question I had answered that had to do with sex; there was no open invitation on my part for men to come teach me anything&#;in the bedroom or not.

A female friend of mine told me she received many messages from people wanting to have sex with her; people only interested in sexting; and people only interested in phone sex.

Another female friend received a message from a man who said, “I see you want someone who is sexually knowledgeable but not sexually obsessed. What type of kink does that mean you’re looking for?” My friend wasn’t looking for “kink,” at least not the kind this guy was selling. She was simply trying to express what she was looking for when it comes to sex with her partner

Yet another message received by a female friend: “I’m here to fuck. Wanna hook up?”

Obviously some of these guys weren’t interested in a long-term relationship, but if you’re looking for more than sex, this is not the route to take.

The Fix:

Use a dating site designed specifically for people who are looking for the same type of relationship you are. There are lots out there – and not just sites for people looking for sex. There are sites for men looking for sugar babies; sites for people looking for someone to have an affair with; and even sites for people who are looking for deep, authentic, conscious connections (gasp!). Pick the one that’s right for your situation and respect the parameters of that site.

If you’re looking for more than sex but your sexual preferences play a key role in your selection process, there are a few things you can do. Firstly, scour the profiles of the people you’re interested in to look for clues that they might have similar sexual preferences as yours. If you don’t see anything that indicates a potential for strong sexual chemistry, don’t rush into the sex talk. You wouldn’t go up to a woman in a bar and ask how often she likes to have sex, right? At least, I hope you don’t. Chances are you ask her if you can buy her a drink first.

Think about those initial conversations as that first drink&#;get to know each other a little before diving into more personal conversations. You might get a relationship&#; andthe kind of sex you were looking for.

Mistake #2: You ignore deal-breakers.

The beauty about online dating is you can find out if someone exhibits one of your deal-breakers just byreading their profile. Some of mine include smoking, excessive drinking, and having kids. Those are pretty standard questions in an online dating profile, so the men who answered them saved both of us a lot of time.

People with more experience with online dating sites will sometimes take this a step further by spelling out those deal breakers right in their profiles. Where’s the mistake? Many men my female friends and I encountered ignored obvious deal breakers we spelled out in our profiles because they liked what they saw in our pictures.

One female friend told me she disliked any message that comments only on physical appearance. She said, “I usually responded with a ‘thank you for the compliment, and I hope that you find what you are looking for on this site.’”

The Fix:

First and foremost, a pretty face is not a guarantee that you’ll have a successful relationship with someone. Read their profile before messaging them. Carefully.

Not everyone spells out their deal-breakers right in their profiles, but some online dating sites include “dislikes” or “not for me” sections for people to fill out. Pay attention to those sorts of things. If some of their turn-offs characterize you, think about whether those are things a couple can work through (e.g. if you’re a smoker, you could quit smoking if you have your heart set on a woman who can’t stand smoking) or if they’re an absolute deal breaker (e.g. you have a child, but the woman doesn’t want kids or you’re Catholic but she’s Jewish and neither wants to convert).

Deal breakers need to be addressed before a relationship turns serious, and there’s never a better time than now to start identifying them.

Caveat: If deal-breakers are not immediately apparent from a person’s profile, don’t drill them to find out if any deal breakers are present. They’ll start coming up naturally in conversation; and as the relationship progresses, you can start talking more about these kinds of personal topics.

Mistake #3: You get upset with people for rejecting you&#; then get more upset when they stop responding altogether.

This became the most infuriating lose-lose situation for me. Whenever I initiated contact with someone, it was a big deal for me. It meant I had a serious interest in that person, and waiting for a response was torturous. What was worse? Not even getting a response. That led me to believe the men who messaged me would appreciate a response from me, even if that response was a respectful decline. Boy, was I wrong. I received all kinds of nasty messages in return, many with a “fine, be that way!” kind of tone. After awhile I started to feel anxious every time I saw a reply to a recent “decline response” I’d sent, so I decided the best strategy was to stop replying if I wasn’t interested.

That’s when the name-calling started&#;and my complete exit from online dating.

When I didn’t respond to messages, I’d often receive follow-up messages that were tirades about what a bitch I was and how sorry I should be for missing out on what the guy had to offer. Many of my female friends experienced the same kind of treatment on the more popular online dating sites&#;another reason I wish MeetMindful had existed back then.

Here’s a message a female friend received from a man after not responding to three messages he sent her: “So you’re clearly one of those clueless c*nts that gives women a bad name. Good luck&#;you’re gonna need it. Don’t bother responding NOW.”

What I learned is if women respond to let men know they’re not interested, men get nasty. But if women don’t respond at all, men get even nastier. What are we supposed to do?

The Fix:

Online or in real life, you’re going to experience rejection. You can’t control that. What you can control is how you react to it.

Online dating can certainly take a toll on your self-esteem since you will probably experience more rejection there than in real life, simply due to the sheer number of candidates you are able to contact. The important thing to remember is to not let the rejection get to you. And sometimes, it’s not even truly rejection&#;some people use online dating sites because they are too busy to go out and date the old-fashioned way (i.e. going on date after date after date until they find the right person), so responding to all of the messages they receive just might not be possible.

We’ve all heard the saying about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Remember that saying as you navigate the online dating world. You have no idea what other people’s worlds are like, and you certainly don’t know precisely what they’re looking for, no matter how carefully crafted their profiles are. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and don’t take their rejection personally.

My top advice? I hate to minimize the words of Gandhi by applying them to a topic like online dating, but … I’m going to anyway. My top advice is to “be the change you want to see in the world.” Don’t be like the people I’ve described in this piece. You’re better than that.

This article was originally published with the Good Men Project; republished with the kindest permission.

About the Author

Mika Doyle is a creative writer and communications professional based in Rockford, Ill. She isn&#;t shy about labeling herself a feminist and is a vocal advocate for gender equality. She&#;s also easily distracted by puppies and drinks way too much coffee. Follow her on twitter at @mikadoyle and read more of her writing at alovex.co