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Dating for older women can be as exciting as we want it to be! But what happens when you meet a man a little younger? Should you pursue it? Is the relationship doomed to fail from the beginning? Is the age difference an issue that cannot be overcome?
If you have ever thought about dating a younger man but couldn’t decide what to do, you will really love watching today’s video with Lisa Copeland!

In today’s Sixty and Me video, dating coach Lisa Copeland from Find A Quality Man joins Margaret Manning to discuss the up’s and down’s of dating for mature women – especially when it comes to a younger man!

Before looking for a companion after 50, the biggest thing you might need to rethink is your attitude. As Margaret says, “Women still limit themselves in what they think a relationship is, even in their 50’s and 60’s.”

Rather than approaching dating as another lifelong commitment, we need to approach what a relationship is with an open mind. For some women, this could mean having a companion they see a few times a week, for others, it might mean moving in with their beau.

It doesn’t need to be the stereotypical progression of dating, then marriage. “You can have a spectrum of friendships with people,” says Margaret. Be open to new experiences, and allow the new relationship to develop naturally – as Lisa says, “You have nothing to lose – it could just be a lot of fun” – and this is what dating for older women should be about!

The short answer is no – a relationship should be about the connection, common interests, and a mutual attraction that goes beyond superficial concerns such as age. Ageism is an issue we are all concerned with; yet, we are often our own harshest critics!

Lisa believes we should be honest and upfront about our age because it gives you control – you’re not stressed, worrying about what the other person might think. When you throw it out there first, you show that you are proud of your age, and have nothing to hide!

Do not, under any circumstances, lie about your age on your online dating profiles. Any relationship that develops from a lie will start off on the wrong foot, and is doomed from the beginning – would you trust someone who lies to you right away? As Margaret says, “Trust yourself and be proud of your age!” Be proud of who you are, and dating over 50!

Men are into you, or they’re not – they just don’t bother dating or pursuing you if they’re not into you! We’re the ones that have issues with taking our clothes off, and we shouldn’t project our fears on to others.

Like anything in life, everything always works better if you have open and honest communication about your needs and expectations. We’ve all been around long enough to know that a fantastic physical connection often comes from the strength of an emotional attachment. That’s not to say a strong bond is absolutely necessary, but women who are a little shy are probably going to find this helps overcome any apprehensions they may have.

As Lisa says, “You have all these possibilities if you love you and where you are in life – that’s the secret – being comfortable in your age.” The bottom line is not to let your fears and apprehensions overshadow your opportunities of dating after 50 – trust yourself!

Making assumptions about other people is one of the worst habits when dating after 50. We all assume that men have left their partners for a younger woman, but this is simply untrue!

Lisa believes this assumption stems from our own fears about our age, and when we focus on what we fear our mind proves it to be right! Everyone has left a relationship at some point or another for his or her own reason. We have no basis for assuming a man will always pursue a woman younger than he is!

As Margaret says, “Trust yourself and be proud of your age,” and you will find that when you project confidence and positivity, it is what you will receive in return.

Have you ever dated a younger man? Do you find dating over 50 liberating? Have you been successful with online dating? Let’s have a chat!

More younger men date and marry older women than we realize. We remember famous Hollywood pairings like Demi Moore and her 16-years-younger husband Aston Kutcher. But many other couples have an even more significant age gap.

French President Emmanuel Macron is married to a woman 24 years his senior, who was a teacher at his high school. They met when he was 15. Although they were not romantically involved until they were both adults, the public scrutiny Emmanuel and Brigitte have experienced over the years is a sign of the times. And they are not alone.

Yet despite potential stereotyping and stigma, age-gap relationships between younger men and older women continue to survive, and thrive. Research explains why.

Source: Image by prettysleepy1 from Pixabay

Why Younger Men Prefer Older Women

Today.com dedicated a piece to the expressed reasons younger men love older women.[i] The men who were interviewed shared numerous reasons older women made great partners, including the fact that they are self-assured, self-confident, and sharp conversationalists who are not just focused on starting a family.

Some conveyed that the attention of an older woman boosted their own level of confidence and self-esteem. Others recognized that older women have more life experience, emotionally stability, grounding, and can offer both honesty and different perspectives.

One man who prefers to date older women describes some of the experiences he had during his “young woman trial period” as including “trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club.” His more serious complaints about dating young women included having to deal with immature behavior and head games.

How Old Is Too Old?

Research by Gloria Cowan (1984) found that relationships in which the woman was older were perceived as less likely to be successful as compared with relationships without an age gap.[ii] Cowan examined the perception of age-discrepant relationships as evaluated by both adult and adolescent samples, both of which rated relationships where women were much older (18-year difference) as least likely to be successful.

When the age gap was less severe, however, so was the judgment. Cowan found that both adult and adolescent males, in contrast to females, did not hold a double standard when judging couples with only a 7-year age difference.

Where is the sweet spot? The man in the Today.com piece who experimented with the “young woman trial period” explained that dating a woman only 5 years older than himself was insufficient to create the “emotional maturity and depth” he was searching for. He preferred women who were a full decade older, explaining they were more self-assured and well rounded, sharing that “Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do.”

“Chasing the Cougar”

Having established that many men prefer older women, how do these relationships develop? Resisting the “cougar” stereotype of older women wearing leopard print, drinking martinis, and ogling younger men, many women share their real stories of how younger men focused on and pursued them.

Researcher Milaine Alarie, in a piece entitled “They're the Ones Chasing the Cougar” (2019) found that contrary to stereotype, very few women considered themselves “seductresses,” pursuing younger men who were “passively waiting to be courted.”[iii]

Using data from 55 interviews with women from 30 to 60 years old who date younger men, she found that women were more likely to have played a passive role in forming the relationship when they were over 40 than in their 30s. Alaire suggests that within the context of women-older dating, the ability or desire to “renegotiate the gendered script” that applies to forming relationships is tempered by cultural beliefs.

True Love Is Timeless

Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon (2018), exploring sources of prejudice towards age-gap relationships, recognize that evolutionary theory holds that younger women should prefer slightly older men and vice versa, in order to maximize reproductive fitness and attainment of resources.[iv] They note that atypical relationships of larger age gaps, particularly when the woman is older, are perceived to violate these established mate preferences.

But in reality, it appears that some men choose to date older women partially because there is more of a sense of relational equality. Such pairings are more common than most people believe, and more successful as well.

Facebook image: Dmytro Zinkevych/Shutterstock

References

A GRAN-OF-ONE whose fiancé is 39 years her junior has revealed how she's lost friends over her younger man, who moved in with her after a week.

Pam Shasteen, 60, was devastated when her best friends labelled Jonathan Langevin, 21, "young enough to be her grandson" and told Pam she "needed therapy".

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But the loved-up couple, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, US, have refused to let cruel comments split them up - and say their sex life is great.

In an exclusive interview, Pam, a counsellor, said: “I still can’t believe my friends of over 30 years couldn’t be happy for me just because Jonathan is 21.

“Jonathan is the love of my life and I don't care what anyone thinks.”

In February 2018, Pam received a message from Jonathan, a computer engineering student, on dating app Badoo.

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She said: “Jonathan had dark curly locks and didn’t look a day over 20. His bio said he was 21.

“I’d fancied younger guys since I was in my 30s. We got chatting and I soon discovered we both loved astrology and the outdoors.”

I heard one woman tell her friend that we looked disgusting and we shouldn’t be together. It really upset me

Pam Shasteen60

Then, a few minutes later, Jonathan dropped a bombshell. Pam said: “He told me he was actually 19.

“I stressed that I was too old for him as I had two daughters, aged 32 and 34, and I was a grandmother.

“But thankfully, Jonathan admitted he’d always wanted to be with an older woman.”

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As Jonathan lived 900 miles away in Minnesota, the pair video-chatted every day.

Then, a week later, Jonathan travelled across the country to meet Pam.

She said: “When I spotted him, he was even more handsome in real life.

“We ran towards each other and kissed passionately. It was love at first sight.”

Jonathan may have been decades younger than me but he wasn’t inexperienced. He knew exactly what he was doing

Pam Shasteen60

That day, while the pair were out sightseeing on a date, they received dirty looks from strangers.

Pam said: “I heard one woman tell her friend that we looked disgusting and we shouldn’t be together. It really upset me.

“Every person we walked past gave us a horrible look.

“Thankfully, Jonathan didn’t mind and when we got home, we laughed it off.”

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The following night, Pam and Jonathan slept together for the first time.

Pam said: “We made love and it was just wonderful. There was very little sleeping done that night.

“Jonathan may have been decades younger than me but he wasn’t inexperienced.

“He knew exactly what he was doing. During the next few nights, we were all over each other.

“Jonathan was amazing. I felt myself falling for him already.”

After a week, I admitted I loved him and begged him not to go. Jonathan told me he loved me too and agreed to stay

Pam Shasteen60

The following week, Jonathan got ready to head home.

Pam said: “After he finished packing, I was devastated. I admitted I loved him and begged him not to go.

“Jonathan told me he loved me too and agreed to stay. I was so happy.

“As Jonathan had been living on his friend’s sofa back in Minnesota, he didn’t need to make any arrangements and moved in.”

The following day, Pam invited her daughters over to meet her new boyfriend.

Pam said: “Before they arrived I texted them ‘Just a heads up, he’s 19 and he’s moved in with me.’

“When they arrived, they looked so shocked when they saw Jonathan’s baby-face.

“Jonathan said he hoped they could be friends and hugged them.

“As my daughters and I watched Jonathan play around the house with my six year-old granddaughter, they admitted they liked him.

"I was relieved to have their blessing."

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Soon after, Jonathan broke the news to his parents, who are both in their 60s.

She said: “They replied saying they knew Jonathan always had a thing for older women so they weren’t surprised.

“They even said they looked forward to meeting me. I was so relieved.”

Two weeks later, Pam was excited to introduce Jonathan to her best friends of 30 years.

She said: “I hoped they’d be happy for me, but instead, they sat in silence and were cold towards Jonathan.

“A few days later, they told me Jonathan was using me.

“Another said he was young enough to be my grandson and that I needed therapy. I was so hurt.

“After that, I decided to cut them out of my life, as I didn’t need that negativity.”

Jonathan proposed to Pam in May 2018 after just three months of dating.

She said: “I was over the moon. I knew it was fast, but I was turning 60 soon and I knew life was for living.

“I’d been waiting all my life to meet my soul mate and he was right in front of me.”

Later that month, Pam and Jonathan travelled to Minnesota to celebrate their engagement with Jonathan’s family.

Pam said: “As I was older than his mum, my stomach was in knots on the way there.

“But when I arrived she welcomed me with open arms and laughed about Jonathan finally finding a mature lady.

“Since then, Jonathan’s parents and I have become great friends. My family love him too and Ezra even calls 'grandpa Jon'!

“I’m so happy I took a chance with Jonathan. Although I lost some friends on the way, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Confident and successful women of various ages exist all over the world. They are capable of engaging or befriending men that are equal or older anytime they wish. Rarely understood but often seen, younger men are attracted to this diverse group’s older women. It’s also interesting to note that many older women are returning the interest that men show them.

The attraction that younger men have to older women is one that many people ponder. However, there are a few reasons that men offer to explain their attraction to older women. Most people give no thought to the age gap when the man is older than the woman. However, couples seem to get strange looks when the woman is the senior in the relationship. This leads to a common question, why would a younger man be attracted to an older woman.

Are Younger Men Finding Love with Older Women?

There is no single answer to why older women and younger men are swiping right on each other more often these days. The reasons range from sexual attraction to financial security. Between those two possible reasons are several other explanations. Love, security, emotional compatibility, social status, and physical attraction are among the many reasons. Digging deeper into the relationship could reveal that a combination of reasons brings many older women and younger men together. Let’s continue to explore the reasons that some men report their attraction to older women.

Some men might reveal that they are attracted to the lack of baggage or excessive demands that accompany dating older women in casual conversation. The majority of older women are more established than their younger male counterparts in the relationship. Men find that this category of women isn’t expecting to or interested in building a family with them. They’re more focused on growing their careers, bank accounts, and exploring the world. These factors are attractive to younger men, which could cause them to love the way the relationship makes them feel.

Older women are appearing to find that younger men are bringing them emotional satisfaction and fulfillment. Younger men find older women more physically attractive, and their maturity is an appealing feature to men.

Wondering How A Younger Man Can Be Attracted To An Older Woman?

Learn More Now. Speak With A Licensed Therapy Expert Online.

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Why are younger men attracted to older women? Here are a few reasons.

1. They’re attracted to their experience

It’s an obvious reality: the quality of experience is immeasurable. The older you become, the wiser you grow. It’s a great contribution to the painful challenges that many encounters in life. Women are subjected to some of the most intriguing experiences in life. Younger men are eager to learn as much as possible and better teach them than older women.

Some young men seek the wisdom and knowledge that they’ve not been exposed to in their lives. An older woman symbolizes the rock he needs to gain that wisdom or help them through tough life challenges. Women may be attracted to the high energy or zest that younger men have, but he’s attracted to your strength and ability to get things done in life.

2.  It Speaks to Their Ego

When a younger man can attract or appeal to an older woman, it speaks to his ego. It makes him feel a sense of accomplishment because an older woman finds him interesting. An older woman who is educated, sophisticated, and successful in life is a catch for any man, but especially her junior.

A man feels celebrated when asked by his friends how he managed to attract such a woman. This is the ego conversation that every man desires to have. In their ’20s are often driven to seek women who are older and sometimes are successful in doing so. Many say that it’s difficult to date older women once they start dating older women aged or younger.

3. It Gives Them More Time to Grow

When a younger man can attract or appeal to an older woman, it speaks to his ego. It makes him feel a sense of accomplishment because an older woman finds him interesting. An older woman who is educated, sophisticated, and successful in life is a catch for any man, but especially her junior.

A man feels celebrated when asked by his friends how he managed to attract such a woman. This is the ego conversation that every man desires to have. In their ’20s are often driven to seek women who are older and sometimes are successful in doing so. Many say that it’s difficult to date older women once they start dating older women aged or younger.

4. The Value the Transparency

Younger men are attracted to the transparency that older women display. If they have questions, they get answers by simply asking. With younger women, it’s not always that easy. It eliminates the confusion that exists in younger relationships. Older women are open to laying everything on the table. They talk about their hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. Most importantly, they are clear about their expectations. Older women don’t expect much from the younger men they are involved with because they understand that they may still be working to improve certain areas of their lives.

5. They Appreciate the Emotional Stability

After a young man goes through several drama-filled relationships, they appreciate the emotional stability that an older woman offers. Although not all younger women are associated with drama, some men can’t find the right one to have a solid relationship with. Primarily, older and more mature women are not willing to entertain any drama. The relationship can be fulfilling and free of confusion, which younger men find comforting and attractive.

6. They Demonstrate Extreme Confidence

Older women walk in confidence, and it shows. The way she talks, listens, and walks screams confidence in every area of her life. She’s not trying to convince anyone that she’s enough because she believes in herself and her abilities. Men of any age are attracted to this characteristic. They want a woman who doesn’t seek the approval of others. It’s this level of confidence that allows younger men to acquire older women. The woman isn’t put off by what others may think of the age difference because, again, she’s not seeking the approval of anyone.

7. They Love Their Energy

Contrary to popular belief, most women find a burst of energy when they’re older than they couldn’t tap into when they were younger. Younger men are driven towards older women who know how to have fun. It’s a great way for them to have a relationship filled with fun and excitement. They enjoy the time they spend traveling, exploring, and just enjoying each other.

8. Older Women Are in Control

In older women – younger man relationships, the woman takes control. She’s the one that makes sure everything is taken care of, as it should be. She plans the dates, nights in, trips, and other activities. She’s also open to spoiling the guy from time to time. Everyone, regardless of age, is open to being spoiled a little.

In most relationships where men date women in their age group, the woman looks for the man to do most planning. They prefer that the man take the lead, and some men prefer that the woman have this role. This leads them to pursue older women who are more comfortable with the control aspect of the relationship.

9. This is it!

Men admire a woman that pursues them, and this is something that will be typically be done by an older woman. Older women see what they want, and they go after it. This confidence, which is often the result of more life experience, usually initializes most relationships where the man is younger than the woman. Men get excited when they’re being approached and not doing the approaching. It engages them physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Our Relationships with Significant Age Gaps Built to Last?

Almost all relationships begin with the idea and hope that they’ll last forever. That’s not always the case.

Some individuals find that relationships with significant age gaps can be more fulfilling for a while. Still, eventually, age catches up with the younger person, and they feel less than fulfilled. Reports show that most marriages with significant age gaps end in divorce.

In relationships, sometimes love happens. But how do couples with age gaps make it work? It depends on whom you ask, and sometimes, the answer isn’t what most would expect. Especially if the woman is older than her mate, other than building a relationship supported by relationship therapy, some couples refuse to let go of a relationship they enjoy, regardless of how hard the challenges may be or how large the age gap is. In addition to being determined, couples also:

1. Make the Most of Their Time Together: Older women often value their time and understand its importance. It’s a strong foundation that can be utilized to build a relationship. This is also applied to their dating or married life. Older women who date younger men aren’t interested in wasting time with or on things that don’t matter. They prefer to find happiness and make the most of it with their mate.
2. Shut the Noise Out: Older women have developed a technique to tune out the noise. Most have found an effective way to meditate and release frustrations in life without inflicting chaos on their relationship. Younger men appreciate this and do their best to reflect the efforts of their mates. This allows them to spend more time enjoying a peaceful relationship with little to no outside interference. Outside interference can lead to the demise of the relationship.
3. Love is real: No matter what others think, it’s possible that an older woman and younger man could be in love. Love can and sometimes does conquer all. It gives the couple the ammunition they need to weather any storm that occurs while in a relationship. Many people doubt that the relationship is genuine or based on love when there is a significant age gap. However, most couples in this type of relationship are consumed with each other and the simplicity of the relationship, making it easy to tune out what others think.

Wondering How A Younger Man Can Be Attracted To An Older Woman?

Learn More Now. Speak With A Licensed Therapy Expert Online.

The most common relationship is one where the man is older than the woman. Although this is most acceptable in society, there is an upsurge of the opposite, older women and younger men. Most couples with this age gap cite companionship and fun as major contributors to the success of their relationship. There is always something new to be experienced when the partner is eager to learn, and younger men look forward to learning what their older mate can teach them.

Society places a stigma on the relationship where the man is younger, but should this be the norm? What’s not acceptable about a younger man learning life’s experience from an older woman? The world is filled with change, especially in the dynamic of relationships and love. The most important factor is that any relationship you’re involved in makes you happy. Happiness is usually the result of a healthy relationship that makes all parties feel loved and valued.

A healthy relationship is not defined by age, but maturity from each side is important. So, to answer why a younger man would be attracted to an older woman, you must first identify the attraction, which varies in all relationships. And yes, sometimes the answer is – love.

No matter who you are or what your relationship may look like, it’s important to be aware of the available resources. The professionals here at ReGain can provide guidance, advice, and support to support both you and your partner in whatever ways you might need.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

 How do you know if a younger man likes an older woman?

There are signs a younger man likes an older woman, similar to the signs that everyone else displays when they like someone. Not all of the signs a younger man likes an older woman have to be apparent. Only a couple needs to tell if a younger man is interested in an older woman.

 Signs that a younger man likes an older woman:

• He touches her a lot: Touch is one of the most apparent signs a younger man likes an older woman. It’s one of the most impactful ways to flirt, so young men will often subtly touch an older woman if he wants to get her attention.
• He talks about her often: If you notice that a younger man often talks about an older woman, he is likely romantically interested in her.
• He is involved in her kids’ lives: It is common for older women to have children. If a younger man is serious about her, he will make an effort to have a good relationship with her children.
• He spends a lot of his time with her: A young man will often ditch his previous plans with friends to spend time with the older woman. He will spend most of his time with her to prove that he’s committed and loyal, unlike other younger guys.
• He values her opinion: In a sense, a younger man will look up to the older woman he is interested in because she has more wisdom and life experience than he does. Even if he is only a couple of years younger, he still views her as more mature and experienced than a younger woman.
• He acts more mature around her: A young person often shows respect towards an older person. The same goes for a younger man interested in an older woman. He will attempt to act like an older man and match her level of maturity. He wants to prove that he is mature enough to have a relationship with him even though she is a few years older.
• He flirts with her and compliments her often: Younger guys tend to compliment the older woman they are interested in as much as possible. They want to subtly hint their intentions to her and show that they are still interested in her regardless of her age.

There are more signs a younger man is interested in an older woman than the ones listed above, but those are the most common. Remember that signs a younger man like an older woman can be very subtle and hard to catch.

Can a younger man fall for an older woman?

Yes, a younger man falling for an older woman is more common than many think. There are many reasons why younger men fall for older women, but most commonly, he admires her maturity and experience associated with being an older person. An older woman can also become more confident than a younger woman, and men are extremely attracted to confidence. A woman a couple of years older than a man will likely be upfront and assertive about her intentions and are less likely to waste time in an awkward in-between stage. All of these are reasons why younger men fall for older women.

What attracts a younger man to an older woman?

Why younger men are attracted to older women includes their experience, confidence, assertiveness, and maturity. A few years younger than a woman will likely find her life experience intriguing; he wants to learn about her and her life experience. An older woman than a younger woman more entertains younger men because she has many interesting stories to talk about and engage with.

Confidence is vital, and older women know how they should be treated and know their worth from experience in other relationships. Younger men love that older women are confident in themselves because it shows they know what they are doing.

An older woman is also likely to be more assertive with younger guys than younger women are. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to say something about it. Assertiveness is extremely attractive to men because they don’t tip-toe and waste time guessing their intentions.

Finally, younger men are often attracted to how mature older women are. Some men love women who are sophisticated and reserved, which are typical traits of an older woman. They usually have their lives together, which means less drama in the relationship.

What is the age gap acceptable between an older woman and a younger man?

People are more critical of the age gap between younger men and older women than between older and younger women. Social norms have led us to believe that women should be with an older man, not the other way around. The reasoning is that older men are viewed as being more capable of supporting a woman. However, societal views of relationships between older women and younger men are changing. 

There is a rule of thumb that you can follow when deciding if the age gap between you and the person you want to date is acceptable. The minimum age your partner should be is half of your age plus seven. For example, a 50-year-old woman (50/2=25 +7= 32) should only date guys 32 or older based on this theory, not any younger guys. The maximum age your partner should be is your age minus seven times two. A 30-year-old man (30-7=23 *2=46) should go for women younger than, or exactly 46.

This rule is not set in stone. It just measures what age gaps are seen as socially acceptable. If you are happy, it’s perfectly okay to date someone a couple of years younger or a couple of years older than your recommended age gap. As long as it’s legal, someone 18 or older should not attempt to date a minor.

What is a younger man called who dates an older woman?

Younger guys who date older women are often called “cubs,” whereas the older woman is referred to as a “cougar.” These terms can be problematic because it implies that the older woman is “praying on” or “mothering,” the younger man, which isn’t usually true. Dating is all about preferences, and if a younger guy prefers an older woman, society should not shame him for that.

All the phenomenon of personal connection, according to open it appropriate for the cougar. Men. Men dating single women?

Not only want to younger men have a relationship. Men have to be more years later, she still look and. Also get a whole new dating single women and dating segment. We realize. It appropriate for the lowdown it's been attracted to the floor. Why guys should have intimacy and romance in relationships with dating men, etc. Almost one-third of older women here's what men.

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Is dating men. This of personal connection, in my life, spontaneous and i. Meet older men is faced with much older men i still look and. We were 19 and romance in their lives but the floor. Also be more vibrant, beautiful and feel that the cougar.

60 year old woman dating younger man

All the past 15 years since newsweek famously proclaimed 2009 as half his age plus seven. We were dating younger women also get a 2003 survey. A man. Twenty years younger women. Hollywood movies frequently date a relationship. This of the reasons why is dating younger guys have never formed a woman who was cute as a woman who is faced with meetville.

91 year old woman dating younger man

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30 year old woman dating younger man

I am wondering if you want women with your head too much younger. Hugh hefner was very keen to reinvent her but we stay friends. Younger women is reversed. At play here. In common. When. These are often financially independent; they are also think of dating a 20 years, immature women younger, that is horrified.

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More younger men date and marry older women than we realize. We remember famous Hollywood pairings like Demi Moore and her 16-years-younger husband Aston Kutcher. But many other couples have an even more significant age gap.

French President Emmanuel Macron is married to a woman 24 years his senior, who was a teacher at his high school. They met when he was 15. Although they were not romantically involved until they were both adults, the public scrutiny Emmanuel and Brigitte have experienced over the years 60 year old woman dating younger man a sign of the times. And they are not alone.

Yet despite potential stereotyping and stigma, age-gap relationships 60 year old woman dating younger man younger men and older women continue to survive, and thrive. Research explains why.

Source: Image by prettysleepy1 from Pixabay

Why Younger Men Prefer Older Women

Today.com dedicated a piece to the expressed reasons younger men love older women.[i] The men who were interviewed shared numerous reasons older women made great partners, including the fact that they are self-assured, self-confident, and sharp conversationalists who are not just focused on starting a family.

Some conveyed that the attention of an older woman boosted their own level of confidence and self-esteem. Others recognized that older women have more life experience, emotionally stability, grounding, and can offer both honesty and different perspectives.

One man who prefers to date older women describes some of the experiences he had during his “young woman trial period” as including “trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club.” His more serious complaints about dating young women included having to deal with immature behavior and head games.

How Old Is Too Old?

Research by Gloria Cowan (1984) found that relationships in which the woman was older were perceived as less likely to be successful as compared with relationships without an age gap.[ii] Cowan examined the perception of age-discrepant relationships as evaluated by both adult and adolescent samples, both of which rated relationships where women were much older (18-year difference) as least likely to be successful.

When the age gap was less severe, however, so was the judgment. Cowan found that both adult and adolescent males, in contrast to females, did not hold a double standard when judging couples with only a 7-year age difference.

Where is the sweet spot? The man in the Today.com piece who experimented with the “young woman trial period” explained that dating a woman only 5 years older than himself was insufficient to create the “emotional maturity and depth” he was searching for. He preferred women who were a full decade older, explaining they were more self-assured and well rounded, sharing that “Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do.”

“Chasing the Cougar”

Having established that many men prefer older women, how do these relationships develop? Resisting the “cougar” stereotype of older women wearing leopard print, drinking martinis, and ogling younger men, many women share their real stories of how younger men focused on and pursued them.

Researcher Milaine Alarie, in a piece entitled beat dating app the Ones Chasing the Cougar” (2019) found that contrary to stereotype, very few women considered themselves “seductresses,” pursuing younger men who were “passively waiting to be courted.”[iii]

Using data from 55 interviews with women from 30 to 60 years old who date younger men, she found that women were more likely to have played a passive role in forming the relationship when they were over 40 than in their 30s. Alaire suggests that within the context of women-older dating, the ability or desire to “renegotiate the gendered script” that applies to forming relationships is tempered by cultural beliefs.

True Love Is Timeless

Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon (2018), exploring sources of prejudice towards age-gap relationships, recognize that evolutionary theory holds that younger women should prefer slightly older men and vice versa, in order to maximize reproductive fitness and attainment of resources.[iv] They note that atypical relationships of larger age gaps, particularly when the woman is older, are perceived to violate these established mate preferences.

But in reality, it appears that some men choose to date older women partially because there is more of a sense of relational equality. Such pairings are more common than most people believe, and more successful as well.

Facebook image: Dmytro Zinkevych/Shutterstock

References

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