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Online dating not working out? You're probably too GOOD-LOOKING
Online dating not working out? Maybe you’re too GOOD-LOOKING: Ugly people are MORE likely to get attention on websites
- This is because they tend to divide opinion more than a classic beauty
- Daters who like someone's unusual features will rate them higher
- Researchers also believe online daters are intimidated by people who are widely regarded as beautiful as they may face more competition
By Ellie Zolfagharifard
Published:
The ‘ugly’ features that will get you booted off the Beautiful People dating site
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Think you’re too unattractive for online dating? You’re not alone.
A good portion of men who book appointments with me claim to be too ugly for dating apps. Guess what you and them have in common? You’re all dead wrong. By the time I’m done with my clients, most of their built-up fears have completely dissolved. Within a week, they start sending me excited messages about how they’re getting matches for the first time in ages, and a week after that they’re singing my praises in a written testimonial. Don’t believe me? Read them for yourself ;)
I’ve literally never had a client contact me after our last appointment to complain about a lack of results, or to leave me a negative review. Am I some magical unicorn princess who solves problems with a flip of my hair and a flick of my magic wand? Of course I am, but I also offer practical advice. The truth is that dating apps can work for 99% of people if you know how to use them. With a little work (and fabulous coaching), you’ll get there in no time.
Shockingly, almost all of that work involves being honest with yourself. In my experience, as someone who consults with frustrated daters for a living, your problem is probably one of the following:
A) The first one is the big one! UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. I’ll be straight with you, if you're a balding dude in your 40s, you probably won’t match with a nubile college freshman - but you can match with a 40yr old yoga instructor. If you’re 50lbs overweight you probably aren’t going to match with a Sports Illustrated model - but you can match with an attractive lady. Will she be overweight? Possibly, but so are you man. If you’re a white dude living in small-town Vermont and you’re only interested in Japanese women… 🙄come on, really? Manage your expectations! You can find a lady who will make you happy and will fuck you like the dirty, dirty rock-star you are. Listen, I’m not judging you for being attracted to gorgeous women… everyone does a double-take when they see a hottie. I’m just (lovingly) suggesting that you don’t put all your eggs in her unrealistically-hot basket.
B) Your photos are unattractive. Note that I said your PHOTOS are unattractive, not that you’re unattractive. Don’t be dramatic, just take better pictures. Take a peek at previous blogs about photos here and here if you want a few hints.
C) A bad bio. She isn’t interested in a corny pun, your life story, a list of requirements for your dream girl, douchey bragging, or a bitch-fest about how much you hate online dating. If you need some help, take a look at my previous blog about bios here.
D) You live in a rural area. This one sucks, I feel you. I come from a small town and I understand that the pickins’ can be slim. Consider changing your zip-code to the nearest decent-sized town. Don’t catfish her and say that you’re from NYC if you’re in Kansas, but it’s fine to use the zip-code of a nearby town as long as you’re upfront about where you live AND are willing to do most of the traveling.
Do yourself a favor next time you catch yourself throwing a pity party for being too ugly for online dating. Take a good long look at your profile to make sure that you’re putting your best foot forward, and adjust accordingly. You’re almost certainly not too ugly to find love, sex, or companionship on dating apps.
If you feel a bit lost, hit me up. I’ll take your profile from busted to bangin’, or you can always get a gift card for a friend!
Cheers,
Chloe
According to commercials, online dating is the hot new thing. Ads from OK Cupid, Match and the like all proclaim that if you go to their site and let their computers find the perfect partner for you, you're guaranteed a future of tapas, experimental cocktails and spontaneous dancing to be shared with someone who's gorgeous, funny, successful and free of baggage. No one of the Internet generation has had any trust in advertising at least since McDonald's put closeups of its burgers on TV ads. But the blatant lies being spewed out by people on the Internet, and particularly on e-dating sites, adds an inter-personal dimension to our tendency to deceive.
Some people are fighting back. A pair of Tumblrs that have been burning up my news feeds and timelines as of late are Sad Girls / Sad Guys on Dating Websites. They're your standard single-serving sites filled with great photos of people using questionable photos for their dating site profiles. They're funny as is, but I was more interested in what type of person would go to the trouble to create sites like these.
I emailed Kevin Best, the L.A.-based artist and possibly jaded e-dater who runs the sites to talk about how to snag a hot catch online and whether or not he's a total asshole. Oh, and if you were wondering, that is indeed him with the turtle pictured above.
So what's the impetus for running these sites? Is it a revenge thing?
Ha. No this isn't a Zuckerberg Facemash type scenario. I was just cruising through the site and I saw a particularly tragic picture of a girl all dressed up in a hotel room, clinging onto the curtains as if they were some accessory to her red carpet dress. (It's the first picture on sadokcgirls.) I texted the photo around, got some good responses and then decided to post it on Facebook. I was very surprised by how fired up everyone got over it. Guys loved it. Girls told me I was going to Hell. So I thought I might be onto something. Then I made the men's version to fight off all my female friends who were calling me a woman hater.
This just screams "DATE ME!" (literal screaming).
How long have you been an online dater?
Off and on for the last couple years
Is it filled with as many gorgeous, funny people, like the commercials suggest?
It's pretty much exactly like real life. Most of the women and men are unattractive. I'd say two in 10 are passably attractive. The real issues are once you find an attractive person, you need to figure out why they're online dating. If it's a hot girl that is tired of only douchebags hitting on her at bars, that's good. If it's a girl that has never moved out from her parents house, that's bad.
Where do you take dates? Like, can you see by their profile if they're worthy of sushi or just corn dogs?
At first I was wining and dining, looking up cool things to do and places to go. This can get very expensive, especially for an asshole like me who has more first dates than second and third ones. And you're also setting the bar high that you're the crazy LA guy that knows every cool place in the city. I've found it's much better to just grab a drink or two at a low key bar, and if you hit it off, then start rolling out the big guns.
What was the worst fake-out you've had? Someone who looked great online and turned out crazy or limbless.
I was supposed to meet this girl at, like, the Key Club or something to see a band. I got there and texted her that I was there. Then she called me, and I could see her walking down sunset towards me. She must have been twice as big as her pictures. I turned around and walked away. I think she saw me. She knew the jig was up.
What are people doing wrong to get on your sites? I mean, are these the profile pictures they're actually using?
I will admit, it's a little skewed on my sites. Usually these people have pictures of themselves. I'm taking the saddest one from their profile, and making it represent them. These pictures also become inherently more sad on my shitty websites than they look on the actual dating websites. As far as what they are doing wrong, the main thing is awkwardness. They are trying so hard to project themselves as jetskiing marathon-running uber socialites, when it's so obvious they're sitting on the couch most Friday nights.
Why are your captions just hashtag jokes?
The hashtags help me make the pictures much sadder than they are. Take the picture of the girl standing awkwardly on her front lawn. When I add the hashtag #imissmom, it paints this tragic character who has lost her mother but must put on a brave face for the random men of the Internet. Is it fair? No. But it makes the pictures funnier, and I think it helps people feel better about laughing.
What should they be doing instead?
Well, the guys are a much easier fix. Put your shirts back on, and no working out photos. Girls need to stop taking bathroom photos, but also they need to stop taking pictures at the lamp posts at LACMA, the crappy wax museums, and random dinners with their friends. Everyone just needs to look less desperate. Try to make it look like you have a fun life, but also throw in some self deprecation. And smile.
The big question: Does this make you an asshole?
Here's the thing: everyone tells me that I'm going to Hell for these sites, but then these same people tell me it's funny. I think it's that sick part of human nature that wants to make fun of others. I'm not going so far as calling people fat or ugly or stupid, but I am painting them in a negative light. I don't think alovex.co would be very popular. That's just mean. I'm trying to poke fun at how awkward online dating can be, but also; look at how many people are doing it these days. I think more people were mad at me when I just posted the one girl on Facebook, now that she has almost a hundred compatriots, it seems less sad.
Now that you're running a site like this, do you consider yourself an e-playboy?
Not at all. I just consider myself an asshole who makes fun of people.
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Woman picks 'ugly' pictures for online dating - and others think she's a genius
A woman tried an unconventional technique to find the perfect match on online dating - only using "ugly" photos and hoping that her date would be pleasantly surprised when they met in real life.
TikTok star Shanel, @shanelowhateva, said she wanted matches to be "pleasantly surprised" on their first date so chose pictures where she thinks she doesn't look her best.
And more importantly, she's also upped her chances of matching with someone who isn't shallow.
Initially, Shanel didn't get any matches but now she's been on a date with someone who said she "looked much better in person".
Shanel shared her experiment on TikTok, giving followers updates on how it went.
What do you think of Shanel's unusual technique? Let us know in the comments
After her initial video, she went on a date with a man and she shared another video to explain how it went, which included a text message from him.
It reads: "You look a lot better in person, I didn’t expect you to be even here. You are much better than your Tinder profile.”
Shanel's video has proved popular with other TikTok users and she had almost six million views, alongside over a thousand comments.
One user said: "You might be on to something"
Then a second wrote: "That’s too funny!"
And a third added: "This is a good technique to find men who want personality tbh."
"Wait," a fourth user wrote. "This is a good idea actually."
Do you have a story to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Get in touch via yourmirror@alovex.co
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The ‘ugly’ features that will get you booted off the Beautiful People dating site
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From the arty filter to the pouting selfie, online daters know just how to hide their faults on camera.
But according to a recent study, ugly men on dating sites, people would be better off uploading a candid shot of themselves and exposing their flaws if they want to snag a hot date.
According to statistics from dating site OkCupid, universally beautiful people get lower scores in terms of attractiveness than people with unusual features.
Scroll down for video
OkCupid found that when some men think a woman is ugly, other men are more likely to message them. This is partly because they have unusual features that may divide opinion, but also because men think there is less competition
Hannah Fry, of Youtube channel Head Squeeze, claims this makes sense if you take game theory ugly men on dating sites consideration: ‘The people sending these messages are thinking about their brett young dating chances,’ she says.
‘[If you’re ugly] it means they can have less competition….why bother humiliating themselves?’
The founders of OkCupid, who have maths backgrounds, have been collecting data for almost a decade on how online daters interact with each other.
While Holly Willoughby (left) is often described as beautiful, Sarah Jessica Parker (right) tends to get a varied response. In the online dating world this would mean that Sarah Jessica Parker would receive more messages
VIDEO: Why less attractive people get more online attention
ONLINE DATING: A NUMBERS GAME
A year-old mathematician hacked OkCupid and found his future-fiancee in just 90 days all with the help of computer algorithms.
The dating site founded by Harvard students in matches singles looking for love based on a compatibility percentage rendered from a questionnaire.
Boston-born Chris McKinlay was working on his PhD at UCLA in June when he signed up for the site, but was having dismal luck finding a mate.
Using an algorithm he was able to sort the women on the site, focusing on a sample of 5, who live in LA or San Francisco and had logged onto the site within the last month.
He then created a new profile and changed his potential matches to from several hunder to over 10, ugly men on dating sites,
At one point he had over women a day looking at his site. He proposed to the girlfriend he met on the site a year after they met.
They have another theory, however. In a recent blog posting, they revealed that how good-looking someone is depends on how they divide opinion.
A woman tended to get a better response from men as men became less consistent in their opinions of her.
‘The less-messaged woman was usually ugly men on dating sites consistently attractive, while the more-messaged woman often created variation in male opinion,’ they claim.
Ms Fry suggests that as well as intimidating the opposite sex, obviously attractive people are often given lower scores.
Mr Fry uses the example of Holly Willoughby and Sarah Jessica Parker. While Holly Willoughby is often described as beautiful, Sarah Jessica Parker tends to get a varied response.
‘A lot of people - i.e. most of the internet - thinks she looks like a horse,’ says Ms Fry.
But Sarah Jessica Parker would get more messages, according to Ms Fry, because those who think she is attractive will consistently rate her higher than someone who is a classically beautiful.
She adds: ‘If some people think you're beautiful, you're better off having other people think you're a massive ugly men on dating sites src="alovex.co" height="" width="" alt="In a recent blog posting, OKCupid revealed that how good looking someone is depends on how they divide opinion">
In a speed dating los angeles over 40 event blog posting, OKCupid revealed that how good looking someone is depends on how they divide opinion
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