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The unfortunate truth is that too many people have been a part of a love story that never ends in a happily ever after. Some of the proof is in these online dating scam statistics.

Romance scams on the rise

Loneliness — especially during COVID-19 isolation periods — and the development of new technologies have contributed to the rise of romance scams in the past years.

1. About half of all romance scam reports to the FTC since 2019 involve social media, usually on Facebook or Instagram. In the first six months of 2020, victims reported a record high of losing almost $117 million to scams that started on social media. (FTC, October 2020)
2. Over 35,000 victims reported that social media was the medium or tool used to facilitate online crimes. (FBI, 2020 Internet Crime Report)
3. The number of romance scams people report to the FTC has nearly tripled since 2015. (FTC, February 2021)
4. In 2020, more than 32,000 consumers filed a report with the FTC about romance scams. (FTC, February 2021)
5. Nearly 24,000 people fell victim to confidence/romance scams in 2020. (FBI, 2020 Internet Crime Report)

The real price tags of online dating

Romance scams can affect your emotional wellbeing and sense of trust, and can also be costly and irreversible.

1. Total reported losses to romance scams were higher than any other scam reported to the FTC in 2020. (FTC, February 2021)
2. In 2020, people reported losing $304 million to romance scams. That’s nine times higher than it was five years prior, at $33 million in 2015. (FTC, February 2021)
3. In 2020, the median individual amount loss to a romance scam was reportedly $2,500. (FTC, February 2021)
4. In 2020, the median individual loss to a romance scam was ten times higher than the median loss across all other fraud types. (FTC, February 2021)
5. Romance scam was the top six riskiest scam in 2020. (BBB 2020 Scam Tracker Risk Report) 
6. Confidence/romance scams cost victims upward of $600 million in 2020, the second-highest internet crime loss. (FBI, 2020 Internet Crime Report)

Online dating scams and older adults

1. Dating scams can happen with people of all ages, but are especially risky to older adults.
2. Romance scams are riskiest to people in the 55 – 64 age group. (BBB 2020 Scam Tracker Risk Report) 
3. Older adults reportedly lost nearly $139 million in romance scams in 2020, followed by prizes, sweepstakes, and lottery scams at $69 million. (FTC 2020 - 2021 Protecting Older Consumers Report)  
4. In 2020, 68% of the dollars reported lost on romance scams by older adults were sent by wire transfer.(FTC 2020 - 2021 Protecting Older Consumers Report)
5. Bank transfers and payments sent in connection with romance scams accounted for about $31 million, nearly a third of the dollars older adults reported romance scam losses. (FTC 2020 - 2021 Protecting Older Consumers Report) Romance scammers reportedly took an additional $12 million total in cryptocurrency from older adults. (FTC 2020 - 2021 Protecting Older Consumers Report)

Who’s most susceptible to romance scams

Online dating scams happen all over the world, but certain demographics tend to be more susceptible.

1. Romance scams have a 45% susceptibility risk to their targets.  (BBB 2020 Scam Tracker Risk Report)
2. Women are more susceptible to romance scams than men. And following online purchase scams, romance scams are the second-riskiest scam type to women.  (BBB 2020 Scam Tracker Risk Report) 
3. Californians lost the most to dating scams in 2020 at $120 million. (FBI, 2020 State Report)
4. Californians were the most caught up in confidence/romance scams in 2020, with 3,110 people scammed. (FBI, 2020 State Report)

Stalkerware is trending up

The use stalkerware, a software that enables someone to monitor a person's device without their knowledge, is another facet of romance scams that’s on the rise.

1. 86% of adults are unaware of stalkerware or have only heard the name (2021 Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report)
2. Around 42% of younger Americans from ages 18 – 39, who currently have a romantic partner, believe their partner is at least somewhat likely to download an application to monitor their activity. (2021 Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report)
3. Three in five of Gen Z and Millennial Americans, aging from 18 – 39, have admitted to stalking an ex or current partner online. (2021 Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report)
4. There was a 63% uptick in the number of devices infected with stalkerware, amounting to more than 250,000 compromised devices per month, between September 2020 and May 2021. (2021 Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report)
5. Men are three times more likely than women to use invasive apps to spy on a significant other. (2021 Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report)
6. More than one-third of Americans aging from 18 – 39 believe it is harmless to stalk a current or former
   partner online. (2021 Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report)

Falling in love can be great. But before you let someone steal your heart online, keep these romance scam warning signs and online dating pointers top of mind.

After all, you don’t want your love story to end in a cybercrime — everyone deserves a happily ever after.

Cyber threats have evolved, and so have we.

The risks

• Personal safety when meeting someone in person who you met online.
• Stalking and harassment.
• Fraud, when people appeal appeal to your better nature to help them out of an ‘unfortunate situation’ by sending money.
• People masquerading as somebody who they are not.
• Spam, selling or fraud, especially romance fraud.
• Webcam blackmail, where fraudsters record things you may do in front of your webcam then use the recording to extort money.
• Phishing emails claiming to be from an online dating site and encouraging you to divulge personal information.
• Being defrauded by using websites posing as authentic dating sites.
• Potential theft of your money if you do not use a secure link when making payments.
• Using certain dishonest dating sites that:
  • Set up ‘pseudo’ or fake profiles where the person you think you have met is actually employed by the site to keep you hanging on … and paying money
  • Stop sending you contacts and messages as soon as you have paid the fee to receive them

Follow this advice to date safely online

You should check if the dating site you are using is a member of the Online Dating Association (ODA). Membership means that the site has to commit to an industry code of practice that includes honest communication with users, protecting their privacy and providing a mechanism for reporting abuse. Inclusion of the ODA’s logo on the site indicates membership.

Creating your online dating profile: protect your identity and personal information

Be anonymous

• Choose a username that doesn’t let everyone know who you are. Don’t include your surname or any other identifying information such as your place of work either in your profile or when you first make contact.
• Remember that overtly sexual, provocative or controversial usernames could attract the wrong kind of attention.
• Keep contact details private. Stay in control when it comes to how and when you share information. Don’t include your contact information such as your email address, home address, or phone number in your profile or initial communications. Take things slowly and share more information when you feel comfortable doing so. It is impossible to get back information once you have given it away.
• Stop communicating with anyone who attempts to pressure you into providing your personal or financial information or who seems to be trying to trick you into providing it. If this happens contact the dating provider immediately to not only protect yourself but other users too.

Password & security

• Be careful when accessing your account from a public or shared computer so that others can’t view or record your password or personal information.
• Be wary of opening email attachments from someone you have only just met
• Ensure that you keep your internet security software up to date.

Connecting with new people online

Get to know people, take your time and trust your instincts. Act with caution and learn more about someone before contacting him or her outside of the dating site. Dating services run mail and chat so you can get to know people in a safer and [monitored/controlled] way. They do it to protect you, not to make money. Use their platform and the added security it gives. If and when you do decide to share an e-mail address think about creating a separate and anonymous email address.

Take your time

Sometimes when you’re excited about someone, your instincts can be confused by strong feelings. Take care and take your time when you talk about yourself. You don’t need to give out your life-story the first time you chat – and you shouldn’t. There will be plenty of time to share such details if your relationship develops.

Be responsible and do your own research

There is a limit to an online dating provider’s ability to check the backgrounds of users and verify the information they provide. They cannot do a criminal records check on every user. And a person can become a problem without having a record. Therefore, don’t get a false sense of security because you’re on a dating site; do your own research to learn more about someone and make informed decisions before you decide to meet. Check to see if the person you’re interested in is on other social networking sites like Facebook, do a web search to see if there are other records of the person online, and if possible use google image search to check the profile photos.

Money requests are your red light

Why would someone need to borrow money off somebody they have never met, or only just met? There is no reason for anyone to ask you for money or your financial information, whatever sad or sob story they give. Always keep your bank and account information private. Stop all contact immediately and report the matter to the dating site.

Report unacceptable or suspicious behaviour

Nobody should have to put up with offensive, insulting and threatening behaviour online any more than they should or would if talking to someone in a bar or café. Trust your instincts and immediately stop communicating with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable or apprehensive. Never feel embarrassed to report a problem to the dating service. You are helping them and doing other users a favour.

Play it safe when you meet face-to-face

Be smart and stay safe. Going on a date with someone new is an exciting step in a relationship, but continue being careful. Even if you feel you have become closer to someone via email and phone, you should still remember that this person is largely a stranger to you. Therefore it is important that when meeting someone in person, whether it is your first or fifth date, you take precautions and consider these dos and don’ts.

1. Plan it. Say it. Do it.

It’s your date.  Agree on what you both want from it before you meet up. Don’t feel pressured to meet before you’re ready or for any longer than you’re comfortable with – a short first date is fine.

2. Meet in public. Stay in public.

The safest plan is to meet somewhere public and stay somewhere public.  . Make your own way there and back and don’t feel pressured to go home with your date.  If you feel ready to move to a private environment, make sure your expectations match your date’s.

3. Get to know the person, not the profile.

The way people interact online isn’t always the same face-to-face. Don’t be offended if your date is more guarded when meeting in person. or if things don’t progress as fast face-to-face.

4. Not going well? Make your excuses and leave.

Don’t feel bad about cutting a date short if you’re not keen. You don’t owe the other person anything, no matter how long you’ve been chatting or what’s been suggested.

5. If you’re raped or sexually assaulted on your date, help is available.

No matter what the circumstances, sexual activity against your will is a crime. Police and charities are here to help and support you.

Contact Rape Crisis or The Survivors Trust, or for more information and advice, including other charities and support groups, visit: www.derbyshire.police.uk/sash

Spot a scam

Sadly, people aren’t what they seem. Dating sites, social networks and other internet services are targeted by scammers. Scammers want one thing and one thing only – money. Here are a few examples of common scammer behaviours to watch out for and report:

1. Declarations of love – If someone you are in contact with starts declaring their love for you within a matter of weeks (or even days or hours), be cautious. You need to know someone to come to love them. Instant messages of love could be someone trying to get right into your life, possibly for all the wrong reasons. Use common sense and don’t be afraid to speak to a friend to get a second opinion.
2. Requests for money – This really should send alarm bells ringing whatever the form the request comes in. Scammers will look to gain your sympathy with the stories they tell.
3. Someone offering you money – Who gives money away to strangers through a dating site? These are always scams. The same goes for anyone with a sure-fire get rich quick schemes. The only one trying to get rich quick is the scammer as he or she fishes for your bank details or other financial information.
4. Threats and blackmail – These are ugly words. But some scammers have tried to threaten money out of people for not showing pictures, webcam footage or messages that they have managed to get out of users online.

Advice for avoiding scammers

• Never ever respond to a request for money.
• Never give out bank account or other details.
• Beware of the sob story – someone telling you how much they want to visit you but need a loan to pay for the ticket/visas. Or stories about a desperately ill family member who needs help with medical expenses.
• The same goes for fantastic too good to be true business deal they are in on – if only they had some extra up-front money…..
• Watch out for those profiles that immediately tug on heart strings – supposed ex-serviceman or woman, or those who claim to be recently widowed to gain your trust and sympathy.
• Don’t let the passing of time cloud your judgment. These sorts of pitches may take time to come out in messages, time in which you may very well have come to trust and value a relationship with your online contact. That does not make them any less of a lie.
• Our same warning goes for pleas of urgency – about money needed at short notice. Someone asking you to use a wire service to get money to them is up to no good.
• Be wary of long distance and overseas relationships: They can happen but it is an unlikely way for a relationship to start offline so be wary online.
• Notice if a contact seems out of touch or out of kilter: people offering foreign numbers for contact, people who seem not to be aware of things happening in the UK – events, the weather etc, people who want or need to send messages at unusual hours.
• Be wary if someone seems vague in their communication about their interests, or may often repeat things or seem disconnected. They may dodge questions or make excuses for not meeting or speaking on the telephone. Their profile or communications may also have odd spelling and grammar.
• Do not share pictures or information about yourself or others that gives someone any sort of hold over you. Your private life should stay private until you know someone really well and can start over time to trust them with things.
• If you do find someone trying to menace money out of you – don’t. They’d just be back for more. Report them; however bad that might feel at the time. The Police have national and local teams there to attack fraudsters. Let them protect you – and others.
• Don’t be afraid to ask a friend – if you start to commit to a relationship online or in person it can be hard to stay objective. If a contact starts to feel strange and especially if money gets raised you might ask a friend or relative if you are not at a point where you think there is something to report to the dating service. If they advise you to back off … listen to them.

Reporting a concern or problem

Don’t assume scammers are illiterate foreigners you and others will see through in an instant. Scamming is a pretty sick line of business but it is a business for them. They practice tugging at heartstrings, at showing tenderness or a neediness. They tell people what they want to hear.

If you suspect that someone you’re talking to may be a scammer, stop your communications and immediately report him or her. You should never feel too stupid or ashamed to report someone. You are not the person who should be ashamed and stopped.

Tell the dating site – and talk to the professionals. All Online Dating Association (ODA) members have to have reporting arrangements to deal with users concerns about a bad experience or suspicious behaviour. Dating site providers want and need to know if there is a problem. They can act to get people off sites immediately to help safeguard you and others. Online dating providers need to know if someone is trying to get hold of your personal information, asking for money or behaving in really inappropriate ways. They monitor regulatory but need to be told if you can see a profile that has obscene, pornographic, abusive, violent or otherwise offensive photos or content. They will act to remove the content and the user.

Any act of violence or abuse should be reported to your local police. If you have been the victim of a sexual assault and do not want to contact the police, the ODA strongly recommends you contact a Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC).

If you have been the victim of actual or attempted fraud, report it to Action Fraud, the UK’s national fraud reporting centre by calling 0300 123 20 40 or by visiting www.actionfraud.police.uk. If you are in Scotland, contact Police Scotland on 101.

If you’ve experienced cybercrime, you can contact the charity Victim Support for free and confidential support and information.

This page has been compiled with the kind assistance of the Online Dating Association

It's never been easy to find a partner, and challenges from COVID-19 has made dating even more complicated. Luckily, even if you're not getting out as much as you used to, online dating sites and mobile dating apps can help you make connections that lead to a long-term relationship (or even a fun fling!). Yes, the internet is a wonderful thing.

But where to start? There are lots of good dating websites and apps, whether you're looking to meet new people, try casual dating, find others with similar interests or finally find your ideal match for a long term relationship. I took into consideration everything from each online dating service's dating pool to whether it provides daily matches to whether it's a free dating app or a paid service. A new person that fits your exact dating profile is sure to be out there!

Here's an overview of the best dating sites on the market. My recommendations are based primarily on my own experiences in the online dating platform arena as a woman, with some word-of-mouth impressions from friends thrown in for good measure.

So what are you waiting for? Sign up for these top dating sites or apps, start chatting and maximize your chances of meeting your perfect match. We'll update this list periodically.

Bumble

Bumble is basically Tinder for women... and on a timer. Bumble is a free dating app that requires women to message first. If the guy doesn't message back within 24 hours, he loses the potential dates. Because that's the one thing my love life was really missing: Arbitrary time limits.

The timer is designed to encourage contact and some people really do appreciate that feature. But if you're someone who procrastinates, Bumble may not be for you. Because women must message first, Bumble tends to weed out the more insecure males from the dating pool. However, the rate of overly confident men tends to be higher than I've seen on other apps. Bumble also has a BFF feature to help you meet new people, but that's really not our focus, so I'll save it for another time. 

Tinder

Whether you're looking for a casual hookup, potential date, friendship or an LTR (long term relationship), Tinder has you covered. It's basically the first stop for those entering the dating world. If you want to play the odds when it comes to online dating, you need to be swiping where everyone's swiping.

On the upside, the profiles are brief, which helps you to make decisions quickly. The downside is that a short dating profile makes it harder to figure out what a lot of people are looking for. Knowing very little about a person can also make initial messaging a lot more challenging. You'll need to wade through a sea of profiles, which makes it easy to pass over people you might have given a chance under different circumstances. 

OkCupid

OkCupid, how you confuse me. I have friends who've met their ideal match and even spouses through OkCupid. My last serious relationship came from the OkCupid dating service. In fact, I've been on OkCupid on and off, for roughly the last 11 years. Profiles are a lot more in-depth than most online dating sites and if you answer a seemingly endless series of questions (much like a personality test), they will spit out a reasonable Match/Enemy percentage ratio on profiles to help you gauge compatibility based on interests.

Changes in the last few years have made OkCupid a bit more like Tinder (both owned by the same company), focusing more on swiping and eliminating the ability to message a user without matching with them first. Online daters can still send a message -- it just won't show up in the recipient's inbox unless you match. Because who doesn't enjoy sending a thoughtful message to someone who might never see it? However, OkCupid has pointed out that these changes did help lower the number of offensive messages and fake profiles people received, which might be a worthwhile trade-off. Unfortunately in my experience OkCupid has become a bit of an online dating app ghost town.

Hinge

Hinge

Hinge finally won me over, becoming my favorite dating app. Originally the app focused on common connections and mutual friends that you and a potential partner shared on Facebook, which was a gimmick I was never sold on. But it has since pivoted away from this model. Hinge has designed the app to make user profiles more engaging (and helpful) than on apps like Tinder. You have the option of displaying a lot of useful information that could be deal breakers: Your political leanings, your religion, your alcohol consumption frequency or even your interest level in having children someday. The prompts provided by Hinge make it easy to create more engaging profiles. Hinge's current slogan is "designed to be deleted," so if a potential match for a serious relationship is what you're looking for, this is the dating app I would recommend.

Coffee Meets Bagel

Coffee Meets Bagel hopes to offer people better-quality matches by sending curated daily matches, or "bagels," each day at noon. They suggest ice-breakers for first messages and the profiles are more in-depth than Tinder. For people who like a little extra hand-holding, CMB isn't the worst option. However, I found the app confusing to use, with too many features and a lot of gimmicks. I shouldn't have to look up online tutorials to figure out how to use a dating app. Plus why call matches Bagels?

I was also disappointed in the notifications, which I found too pushy. CMB was constantly "gently" reminding me to message people I'd matched with. I eventually disabled the app after receiving the following notification: "Show [match name] who's boss and break the ice today!" Should a potential future relationship be rooted in a hierarchical power dynamic? At the end of the day, I have friends who've had the perfect match on CMB, but it isn't one of my favorite online dating apps. 

Happn

Happn matches you with people who are located nearby. It's a cool concept and helpful for people who want to meet someone in a more organic manner. That said, I've never met a single person who actually uses the app.

After signing up, Happn showed me 68 people it said I'd crossed paths with in the preceding 3 hours, though I hadn't left my apartment all day. This might be helpful if you're looking to date your immediate neighbors (or Uber drivers), but I don't see the attraction when competitors like Tinder already show the distance between you and other users. Frankly, if I saw an attractive guy in a coffee shop, I'd just approach him rather than check to see if he's on Happn. The app seems designed for people who don't want to use online dating sites but also don't want to approach people in real life. Pick a lane.

The League

The League is an "elite dating app" that requires you to apply -- and supply your job title, college and LinkedIn profile. Big cities tend to have long waiting lists, so you might find yourself twiddling your thumbs as your application to be one of the elite singles on the app is reviewed. (Of course, you can pay to expedite the process.) The exclusivity can be a draw for some and a turnoff for others, but I'll let you in on a secret: I've seen most of the profiles I come across on The League on other dating apps, too. So at the end of the day, you'll probably see the same faces for potential dates on Tinder, if you aren't deemed elite enough for The League.

Her

Most dating apps are fairly LGBTQ inclusive. Still, it's nice to have an app to call your own. Her is tailored to lesbian, bisexual and queer women. It's a worthy notion -- but the app has some bugs and glitches that made it frustrating to use. Most of my queer female friends have told me they found the app "just OK" and not perfect and that they usually end up back on Tinder or Bumble. Still I checked it regularly for some time and had a few pleasant conversations with actual human beings. Isn't that all we're really looking for in a dating app?

Clover

Clover tried to be the on-demand version of online dating sites, letting you order a date much like you would a pizza. It also provides numeric match predictions based on compatibility and interests, though it isn't entirely clear how those numbers are calculated.

I was on Clover for quite some time, but had since forgotten it existed until I started to compile this list. It strikes me as a less-successful hybrid of OkCupid and Tinder with a relatively small user base, even though I live in an urban area with plenty of people who use a wide variety of dating apps. Clover says it has nearly 6 million users, 85% of whom are between the ages of 18 and 30.