From personal ads that began appearing in publications around the 1700s to videocassette dating services that sprang up decades ago, the platforms people use to seek out romantic partners have evolved throughout history. This evolution has continued with the rise of online dating sites and mobile apps.

Today, three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used an online dating site or app – including 11% who have done so in the past year, according to a new Pew Research Center survey conducted Oct. 16 to 28, 2019. For some Americans, these platforms have been instrumental in forging meaningful connections: 12% say they have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they first met through a dating site or app. All in all, about a quarter of Americans (23%) say they have ever gone on a date with someone they first met through a dating site or app.

Previous Pew Research Center studies about online dating indicate that the share of Americans who have used these platforms – as well as the share who have found a spouse or partner through them – has risen over time. In 2013, 11% of U.S. adults said they had ever used a dating site or app, while just 3% reported that they had entered into a long-term relationship or marriage with someone they first met through online dating. It is important to note that there are some changes in question wording between the Center’s 2013 and 2019 surveys, as well as differences in how these surveys were fielded. Even so, it is clear that websites and mobile apps are playing a larger role in the dating environment than in previous years.

The current survey finds that online dating is especially popular among certain groups – particularly younger adults and those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB). Roughly half or more of 18- to 29-year-olds (48%) and LGB adults (55%) say they have ever used a dating site or app, while about 20% in each group say they have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they first met through these platforms. Americans who have used online dating offer a mixed look at their time on these platforms.

On a broad level, online dating users are more likely to describe their overall experience using these platforms in positive rather than negative terms. Additionally, majorities of online daters say it was at least somewhat easy for them to find others that they found physically attractive, shared common interests with, or who seemed like someone they would want to meet in person. But users also share some of the downsides to online dating. Roughly seven-in-ten online daters believe it is very common for those who use these platforms to lie to try to appear more desirable. And by a wide margin, Americans who have used a dating site or app in the past year say the experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%).

Other incidents highlight how dating sites or apps can become a venue for bothersome or harassing behavior – especially for women under the age of 35. For example, 60% of female users ages 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while a similar share (57%) report being sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for.

Online dating has not only disrupted more traditional ways of meeting romantic partners, its rise also comes at a time when norms and behaviors around marriage and cohabitation also are changing as more people delay marriage or choose to remain single.

These shifting realities have sparked a broader debate about the impact of online dating on romantic relationships in America. On one side, some highlight the ease and efficiency of using these platforms to search for dates, as well as the sites’ ability to expand users’ dating options beyond their traditional social circles. Others offer a less flattering narrative about online dating – ranging from concerns about scams or harassment to the belief that these platforms facilitate superficial relationships rather than meaningful ones. This survey finds that the public is somewhat ambivalent about the overall impact of online dating. Half of Americans believe dating sites and apps have had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships, while smaller shares think its effect has either been mostly positive (22%) or mostly negative (26%).

These findings come from a nationally representative survey of 4,860 U.S. adults conducted online Oct. 16 to 28, 2019, using Pew Research Center’s American Trends Panel. The following are among the major findings.

Younger adults – as well as those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual – are especially likely to use online dating sites or apps

Some 30% of Americans say they have ever used an online dating site or app. Out of those who have used these platforms, 18% say they are currently using them, while an additional 17% say they are not currently doing so but have used them in the past year.

Experience with online dating varies substantially by age. While 48% of 18- to 29-year-olds say they have ever used a dating site or app, that share is 38% among 30- to 49-year-olds, and it is even smaller among those ages 50 and older. Still, online dating is not completely foreign to those in their 50s or early 60s: 19% of adults ages 50 to 64 say they have used a dating site or app.

Beyond age, there also are striking differences by sexual orientation. LGB adults are about twice as likely as straight adults to say they have used a dating site or app (55% vs. 28%). And in a pattern consistent with previous Pew Research Center surveys, college graduates and those with some college experience are more likely than those with a high school education or less to say they’ve ever online dated.

There are only modest differences between men and women in their use of dating sites or apps, while white, black or Hispanic adults all are equally likely to say they have ever used these platforms.

At the same time, a small share of U.S. adults report that they found a significant other through online dating platforms. Some 12% of adults say they have married or entered into a committed relationship with someone they first met through a dating site or app. This too follows a pattern similar to that seen in overall use, with adults under the age of 50, those who are LGB or who have higher levels of educational attainment more likely to report finding a spouse or committed partner through these platforms.

A majority of online daters say they found it at least somewhat easy to come across others on dating sites or apps that they were physically attracted to or shared their interests

Online dating users are more likely to describe their overall experience with using dating sites or apps in positive, rather than negative, terms. Some 57% of Americans who have ever used a dating site or app say their own personal experiences with these platforms have been very or somewhat positive. Still, about four-in-ten online daters (42%) describe their personal experience with dating sites or apps as at least somewhat negative.

For the most part, different demographic groups tend to view their online dating experiences similarly. But there are some notable exceptions. College-educated online daters, for example, are far more likely than those with a high school diploma or less to say that their own personal experience with dating sites or apps is very or somewhat positive (63% vs. 47%).

At the same time, 71% of online daters report that it was at least somewhat easy to find people on dating sites or apps that they found physically attractive, while about two-thirds say it was easy to find people who shared their hobbies or interests or seemed like someone they would want to meet in person.

While majorities across various demographic groups are more likely to describe their searches as easy, rather than difficult, there are some differences by gender. Among online daters, women are more likely than men to say it was at least somewhat difficult to find people they were physically attracted to (36% vs. 21%), while men were more likely than women to express that it was difficult to find others who shared their hobbies and interests (41% vs. 30%).

Men who have online dated in the past five years are more likely than women to feel as if they did not get enough messages from other users

When asked if they received too many, not enough or just about the right amount of messages on dating sites or apps, 43% of Americans who online dated in the past five years say they did not receive enough messages, while 17% say they received too many messages. Another 40% think the amount of messages they received was just about right.

There are substantial gender differences in the amount of attention online daters say they received on dating sites or apps. Men who have online dated in the past five years are far more likely than women to feel as if they did not get enough messages (57% vs. 24%). On the other hand, women who have online dated in this time period are five times as likely as men to think they were sent too many messages (30% vs. 6%).

The survey also asked online daters about their experiences with getting messages from people they were interested in. In a similar pattern, these users are more likely to report receiving too few rather than too many of these messages (54% vs. 13%). And while gender differences remain, they are far less pronounced. For example, 61% of men who have online dated in the past five years say they did not receive enough messages from people they were interested in, compared with 44% of women who say this.

Roughly seven-in-ten online daters think people lying to appear more desirable is a very common occurrence on online dating platforms

Online daters widely believe that dishonesty is a pervasive issue on these platforms. A clear majority of online daters (71%) say it is very common for people on these platforms to lie about themselves to appear more desirable, while another 25% think it is somewhat common. Only 3% of online daters think this is not a common occurrence on dating platforms.

Smaller, but still substantial shares, of online daters believe people setting up fake accounts in order to scam others (50%) or people receiving sexually explicit messages or images they did not ask for (48%) are very common on dating sites and apps. By contrast, online daters are less likely to think harassment or bullying, and privacy violations, such as data breaches or identify theft, are very common occurrences on these platforms.

Some users – especially younger women – report being the target of rude or harassing behavior while on these platforms

Some experts contend that the open nature of online dating — that is, the fact that many users are strangers to one another — has created a less civil dating environment and therefore makes it difficult to hold people accountable for their behavior. This survey finds that a notable share of online daters have been subjected to some form of harassment measured in this survey.

Roughly three-in-ten or more online dating users say someone through a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested (37%), sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for (35%) or called them an offensive name (28%). Fewer online daters say someone via a dating site or app has threatened to physically harm them.

Younger women are particularly likely to encounter each of these behaviors. Six-in-ten female online dating users ages 18 to 34 say someone via a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while 57% report that another user has sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for. Other negative interactions are more violent in nature: 19% of younger female users say someone on a dating site or app has threatened to physically harm them – roughly twice the rate of men in the same age range who say this.

The likelihood of encountering these kinds of behaviors on dating platforms also varies by sexual orientation. Fully 56% of LGB users say someone on a dating site or app has sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for, compared with about one-third of straight users (32%). LGB users are also more likely than straight users to say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they told them they were not interested, called them an offensive name or threatened to physically harm them.

Online dating is not universally seen as a safe way to meet someone

The creators of online dating sites and apps have at times struggled with the perception that these sites could facilitate troubling – or even dangerous – encounters. And although there is some evidence that much of the stigma surrounding these sites has diminished over time, close to half of Americans still find the prospect of meeting someone through a dating site unsafe.

Some 53% of Americans overall (including those who have and have not online dated) agree that dating sites and apps are a very or somewhat safe way to meet people, while a somewhat smaller share (46%) believe these platforms are a not too or not at all safe way of meeting people.

Americans who have never used a dating site or app are particularly skeptical about the safety of online dating. Roughly half of adults who have never used a dating or app (52%) believe that these platforms are a not too or not at all safe way to meet others, compared with 29% of those who have online dated.

There are some groups who are particularly wary of the idea of meeting someone through dating platforms. Women are more inclined than men to believe that dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet someone (53% vs. 39%).

Age and education are also linked to differing attitudes about the topic. For example, 59% of Americans ages 65 and older say meeting someone this way is not safe, compared with 51% of those ages 50 to 64 and 39% among adults under the age of 50. Those who have a high school education or less are especially likely to say that dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet people, compared with those who have some college experience or who have at bachelor’s or advanced degree. These patterns are consistent regardless of each group’s own personal experience with using dating sites or apps.

Pluralities think online dating has neither helped nor harmed dating and relationships and that relationships that start online are just as successful as those that begin offline

Americans – regardless of whether they have personally used online dating services or not – also weighed in on the virtues and pitfalls of online dating. Some 22% of Americans say online dating sites and apps have had a mostly positive effect on dating and relationships, while a similar proportion (26%) believe their effect has been mostly negative. Still, the largest share of adults – 50% – say online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships.

Respondents who say online dating’s effect has been mostly positive or mostly negative were asked to explain in their own words why they felt this way. Some of the most common reasons provided by those who believe online dating has had a positive effect focus on its ability to expand people’s dating pools and to allow people to evaluate someone before agreeing to meet in person. These users also believe dating sites and apps generally make the process of dating easier. On the other hand, people who said online dating has had a mostly negative effect most commonly cite dishonesty and the idea that users misrepresent themselves.

Pluralities also believe that whether a couple met online or in person has little effect on the success of their relationship. Just over half of Americans (54%) say that relationships where couples meet through a dating site or app are just as successful as those that begin in person, 38% believe these relationships are less successful, while 5% deem them more successful.

Public attitudes about the impact or success of online dating differ between those who have used dating platforms and those who have not. While 29% of online dating users say dating sites and apps have had a mostly positive effect on dating and relationships, that share is 21% among non-users. People who have ever used a dating site or app also have a more positive assessment of relationships forged online. Some 62% of online daters believe relationships where people first met through a dating site or app are just as successful as those that began in person, compared with 52% of those who never online dated.

As young people in the digital era, many of us prefer making connections and meeting new people through social media. Being online means you can always make good friends, or even find love, anywhere in the world - which is great to know if you’re someone who is introverted and doesn’t socialise with others much. But as convenient and exciting as it seems, the reality is that it can be really dangerous. So if you’re interested in meeting someone online, here are a few things to remember. 

Fake accounts

People over the internet are not always honest about who they are so you might get cat-fished (which is term used for when someone lures you into a relationship using a fake online persona). Another thing is, they might be in a real life relationship - and you’ll find yourself in a situationship or being a side dish. Not only will you be disappointed that the love of your life is really not Justin Bieber or Ariana Grande, but you might also feel betrayed and have to deal with a broken heart. 

To avoid being scammed by a fake profile, try downloading the profile picture of the person and doing a Google image search. If the person is using someone else’s picture, you’ll be able to see by the results you find. It’s also a red flag if you’ve been “dating” someone for a long time and they refuse to meet in person - it could mean that they are not really who they say they are. 

Scams

Online safety and security is not always guaranteed in the cyber world. As much as you can feel like you trust your online partner, you may also be a victim of scamming and identity theft. No matter how hard you fall for someone online, don’t give them your personal details like bank account details, home address, ID number, personal pictures or anything else that gives someone personal access to your life - especially if you’ve never met them and built trust over time. People often pretend to want a relationship online and then start to ask you for things like money or nude pictures. Do not send any of these. 

Human trafficking 

With the rise in human trafficking, it’s not always safe for you to be meeting up with strangers. And guess what? Traffickers like using social media to lure young people into dangerous situations that might get them trafficked. This isn’t to scare you away from meeting up with people, it’s just important for you to understand the risks and learn how to be safe. Be suspicious if your new lover offers you a job or wants you to model for them. Job offers online are the most popular ways to lure people into being trafficked. 

Risk of getting sexually assaulted 

You won’t know a person’s true intentions, especially if you met them online so it’s easy you to fall victim to any crime, including sexual assault. Many sex offenders seek their next victims online and often pretend to be young in order lure people much younger than them. If you’re under age, do not meet someone you met online alone, under any circumstance. 

If you decide to meet up with a new friend or partner you met online, here are tips for doing so safely:

• Always meet in a public place 
• Always tell someone where you’re going and who you’re meeting with
• Never leave your drink unattended because you risk being spiked
• Always ask a friend or an adult to go with you
• Never give anyone your personal information like your home address or your school name
• Always share your location with your loved one 

I’m not saying that social media is all bad, but you have to be really careful with how you interact with people that you meet online.

Read these articles to learn more about online relationships.

Romance Online 

Real Love vs Instagram

If have been in an unsafe situation or know someone who was after meeting someone online, you can contact the following numbers for help: 

South African National Human Trafficking Resource Line: 0800 222 777

Department of Social Development – Helpline: 0800 220 250

Missing Children South Africa: 072 647 7464

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

Did you find this article helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback choma!

In 2002, I decided to leave my husband. There was only one argument, really, that I remember. In mid-November, on a Sunday morning, Stig called to ask what I was doing that day. He'd been up early, making rounds at the hospital. "Thanksgiving is Thursday," I said. "I've got to bring the decorations and the turkey dishes up from the storage locker, and I was going to take the boxes that are piled up in the dining room downstairs, get them out of the way."

Stig didn't reply.

"You know, the lift is broken," I said.

"How dare you."

"Excuse me?"

"How dare you ask me to help you. I bring home the bacon. I don't ever want to be asked to help do anything around the house."

I hung up. My hands shook. The rage in his voice was out of proportion to a few boxes to be carried to the basement. And who said stuff like, "I bring home the bacon"? It was irrelevant. I'd worked or been at university our entire marriage. As had he. But it was a pivotal event. He stopped talking to me. And I stopped sleeping.

I didn't have money of my own; Stig had made sure of that. Then, miraculously, my medical practice offered me a job. I wrote Stig a letter, and put it on his desk – talking to him directly never worked out as planned. Plus I'd stopped sleeping in our bedroom and seldom saw him if and when he came home. One morning I walked into our bedroom. He was at the desk, working on his laptop. He quickly closed it when he saw me.

"What do you think about the separation?"

It had been two weeks since I had given him the letter. Stig just stared at me. He looked like someone I'd never seen before. His expression seemed scrunched, pinched, so taut that no blood could flow to the surface. His face held rage. "That's fine," he said.

Twenty years, two children and that was it. No discussion, just "fine".

A few days later, I moved to our weekend house in Michigan. When I came back to Chicago to meet an estate agent, the building engineer mentioned that my husband's girlfriend looked, from behind, just like one of my daughters. That's how I found out he had a girlfriend.

I lived in our weekend house for the summer, waiting for my job to begin, waiting for our apartment to sell. In the months after I left, after 20 years together, when I hadn't yet learned what the narrative would be, I didn't know about the girlfriend – or all the girlfriends, rather, all I knew was that he had turned into someone I no longer knew or trusted. I could barely stop crying long enough to drive my car to the off-licence. I took it there frequently. I couldn't sleep unless I drank half a bottle of wine before bed. I cried until my head ached. I had headaches every day.

Then, in a few brief weeks over the summer, the apartment sold. In September, my daughter Ruthann, who was still at high school, and I moved into a two-bedroom apartment with no view, high ceilings and large rooms. After a day of moving, my phone rang. "Margaret, this is Leo Kennedy." Leo Kennedy was a friend of my former brother-in-law. I hadn't seen him in years. "I've been wanting to call for months, ever since I heard you were separated. I'd like to take you to dinner." He was at least 70. Maybe older.

"Leo, it's just too soon for me," I said.

"I'll wait. I'll wait three weeks, then call?" I suppose Leo didn't have a lot of time to waste.

I let Leo go to voicemail for the next couple of weeks, but I registered the wake-up. Does anyone plan on being single at 44? One night I took off my clothes and stood in front of a full-length mirror. The lighting accentuated my cellulite and wrinkles, made me look depressed and a bit criminally insane. I looked like a woman who'd been left in middle age, even if I had done the leaving.

On a Saturday afternoon I was on the internet, shopping for things I didn't need. A screen popped up: match.com. I did not know how to meet men. I didn't go to bars, I was paralysed with shyness and almost all my friends were married or gay. The internet seemed a good place to start. As I read the profiles, I recognised some very angry people. They sounded like me, or like the me I didn't want to acknowledge. I would have to be careful.

I started slow. Anyone with even a passing resemblance to Stig, I immediately deleted. Then there was an email from Ed, a doctor of psychology. This was important to me because I thought it appropriate to date men as educated as myself. There's no box to check for that on match.com.

We met at a bar. "Tell me about your research," I said.

"I study sexual behaviour," Ed answered.

"Ah," I said, nodding. Of course he did. Our talk was relatively serious, in contrast to our emails, which were funny. His sense of humour seemed limited by his… person.

"So how does this work," I asked, "this dating thing?"

"Well," he hesitated, "I've dated a lot of women. And what usually happens is, after a month of sleeping together, I find a way to extricate myself from the relationship. And it's painful. Because even if the woman says she's just interested in something casual, she gets hurt. I think a woman's interest in a man grows once they're sleeping together, whereas a man stays interested for about a month, then he stops. There's actually hormonal evidence to substantiate this scenario."

This guy was every woman's worst nightmare. He was using scientific research and probably US government grant money to justify being a jerk.

"What about fun?" I asked.

"Fun is important, but sometimes I think it helps to get sex out of the way first. We could do that tonight, if you like." He looked hopeful and innocent. Or, rather, he looked like a caricature of innocence.

"Thanks, but I'm fine," I answered.

Following my aborted rendezvous with Ed, I met Angel, a banker, who arrived 20 minutes late at a coffee shop. He appeared sweaty and dishevelled, his face covered with tiny lacerations. "I have obsessive-compulsive disorder," he said. "The reason I have so many cuts on my face is because I shaved six times before I came to meet you." I nodded. "Huh," I said.

Hank, a securities analyst, took nondescript and made it a superlative. Lunch went reasonably well, and Hank was dull but showed no obvious signs of self-mutilation, so we decided we'd meet the next night. That evening he called and said he'd been fired. "Can I make dinner for you?" I offered, feeling terrible for this man I had just met. I invited a total stranger to my apartment.

Besides being fired, he told me about his prostate troubles, gastrointestinal difficulties and recent gum surgery. His ex-wife had left him for another man. It was like having dinner with Eeyore, if Eeyore had been constipated, couldn't pee and had gingivitis. By the end of the evening, I was ready to leave him, too.

In summer 2004, two years into divorce proceedings, with no end in sight and legal fees mounting, I met a businessman named Nigel through a neighbour who described him as "good-looking" and intelligent. Consider "good-looking" a subjective adjective. We met at a lovely Italian restaurant. Immediately, he asked if I liked poetry and pulled out what he called his "favourite" book of poems: The Poetry Of Richard Milhous Nixon. It contained, in poetry form, excerpts from the Watergate tapes. I was relieved. I thought, he has a sense of humour – this might work out. It was the last funny thing he said or did for two months.

I decided to have sex with him. Maybe he would redeem himself. And I was not thinking clearly. Luckily, sex turned out to be the clincher. After removing his shirt, I got the distinct impression that Nigel had not bathed. This turns some women on. I am not one of them.

After Nigel, I decided to try match.com again. There were so many issues I did not want to deal with. I did not want to face the fact that Ruthann would soon go to university, leaving me to live alone for the first time in my life. I did not want to consider why I'd stayed married for 20 years to a man I did not like. And now here I was, dating men I found unappealing, hoping they would like me. Once again thinking that the right relationship could fix my life. It never occurred to me to ask myself, how do I fix this?

In late September, I received a match.com email from a man named Alex. He told me about himself in a way that was articulate, funny. We met in early October. We talked for three and a half hours; he told me he'd lost his wife after a long illness. Still we managed to laugh. I'd finally found someone I liked. I emailed, saying what a wonderful time I'd had, offering to make dinner. "I haven't had anyone cook a meal for me in a couple of years," his email said. "I don't know if I will know how to act, so tread cautiously."

I did not take his advice. I wish I had. Alex had disaster written all over him. It had been six months since his wife died; for complex reasons, he had only begun to grieve. He treated me as a temporary player in his life, introducing me as his "date" after we'd been together for five months. He grabbed me in public, as if he were a schoolboy, sliding his hand under my skirt when he thought no one was looking. When I objected, he withdrew behind a wall. After an argument, he told me, "I don't love you, and I never will." We hadn't been talking about love. After six months, I asked if he would be available to have dinner for my birthday. "No," he said. "I'll be out of town." What about the week after? "I'll be gone then, too." Silence. I heard the sound exactly as he intended it.

In August, at the age of 88, Mum fell into a creek while playing golf. We felt quite lucky she did not lose consciousness and drown. I had her transferred to my hospital, where surgeons operated to stabilise her neck. My sisters and I decided to move her into a retirement home. We needed to get her used to the idea, but the surgery had left her demented. "Stop treating me like a chicken!" she cried when I visited her that day. My normally sweet mother had transformed into a harridan.

I thought, if this is the future, the future looks grim indeed. I slid into a depression that held on to me tight. Had it not been for my daughters, I might have let go. My despair felt interminable. I knew something had to change. I could not continue doing what I'd been doing.

I told work that I wanted back into the partnership track, to be full time. I made plans to travel. I quit match.com and ordered expanded television with classic films. I became comfortable staying home on Saturday nights by myself. Responsibilities accumulated, friendships multiplied; the lack of a relationship in my life seemed almost unnoticeable.

After four or five months, several friends offered to fix me up. I hesitated. Then one told me about a dating service she'd used. It's not cheap, she said, but when people have to go through an interview and shell out money, they're more likely to be serious about wanting a relationship.

Charles was the fifth man I met through Dating Alliance. I felt unaccountably nervous – doubtful that I'd like him, afraid that I would. I'd met so many weird men by that point. He was originally from the Netherlands and owned a manufacturing company. He spoke several languages. He was tall, maybe 6ft 5in, bald, with a skinny, white, handlebar moustache, and he looked every day of 60. Perhaps older. He asked if I'd join him for dinner. "I told the women at Dating Alliance my concern about dating someone with kids, but they assured me your kids are older."

"Why don't you want to date anyone with kids?" I asked.

"Because they always come first," he said.

Ah, I thought.

"What about your work?" he asked. "Are your hours predictable?"

"No," I answered.

He looked unhappy. I almost felt sorry for him.

When we left the restaurant, a homeless man walked up to Charles, who took out his wallet and handed him some money. I heard him murmur, "You're not going to drink all this, are you?"

"No, sir, I'm not."

"Can I call you?" Charles asked me. I wasn't attracted to him. He was controlling, probably narcissistic, one more of the same old same old. Then again, I just wanted to date. Casually. Have some fun. So I said OK.

He asked me out that Friday night. We walked to a sushi place. I was exhausted. Conversation felt like work, and I'd already spent 12 hours in the operating room. After, we walked back to my apartment. We were discussing the upcoming election, standing in the kitchen, then wandered into the living room. We sat on the sofa, facing each other. Suddenly he yanked me towards him, put his mouth on mine, roughly, holding my neck tightly.

"Wait!" I said.

"You want me to stop?" he asked.

"Yes!" I said. "I want you to stop."

I turned my head. I wanted to get a breath that didn't include him, didn't include his scent, but for that moment, I must have relaxed and the tension must have lessened imperceptibly. It was enough. He flipped on top of me and yanked my trousers down. I said again, "Stop." He was huge and heavy. I thought, if I fought him, he might hurt me more, so I said, enunciating clearly, as if to a child, "Charles, if you do this, I will never see you again. Is that what you want?"

"No," he said. He shoved himself inside me.

Afterwards, I opened the door, he walked out, and I quickly locked it behind him. I felt the numbness of shock.

Rape can make a person catatonic. It did that to me, initially. Days passed. Weeks. I barely blinked. I lay in bed without sleeping. I repressed every thought, every feeling. I did not answer Charles's calls. He rang and left messages for a week or so, then stopped. Rape stays with you – the violence and the fear – it stays with you, in small and large ways, and it screws up your life and your relationships for years. But while it is a sexual act, it is only marginally about sex. It is an assertion of power, an act of intimidation.

The only relief I found was in riding my bike, the constant motion of it. I rode every day I could – along the lake front, in Michigan on day trips, in the suburbs when I visited my mum. Eventually, I made plans. I had a week of holiday in October and decided to take a bike trip. Although I'd done these cycling vacations before, this one marked my first time alone. I felt awkward. A younger woman, in her late 30s, thin and very fit, stuck out her hand. "Hi, I'm Micheline," she said. "Margaret," I said. A dark-haired man walked up to us, in biking gear and a jacket. "Henry," he said, "from New York," and held out his hand. "Margaret," I repeated, and shook it.

The roads, that first day, were empty, the sky blue. The group quickly spread itself out. I had no interest in hurrying and I planned to bike alone, at my own pace. Henry cycled with me, or behind me, all day. He asked questions. I answered, briefly, to be polite, and gradually the beautiful day and his genial company lifted my mood.

The second day we rode toward the coast. Once again, Henry rode with me. That night at dinner, he ordered wine for us. He asked me questions all evening. By the time dessert arrived, I felt exposed and exhausted. The next day, he apologised. He seemed to recognise his intrusiveness of the evening before. He rode beside me again, but he kept the conversation light. I thought, he seems like a good guy. But I knew I had bad judgment. And you cannot know someone in three days.

We ate dinner with the group, then left the restaurant and went for a walk. We stopped in a pub for a drink. As soon as we sat, Henry turned my barstool to face him. He took my hand and studied me intently. "Margaret, can you live in the moment?"

I frowned slightly. "I'm not sure I know what you're asking," I said. Much later I realised what I should have suspected then. His question had nothing to do with living in the moment. It had everything to do with sex, meaning sex with no strings attached. But there could be no such thing for someone like me, after all I'd been through, at that point in time, with someone like him.

Henry's divorce commenced soon after the Napa Valley trip. We saw each other over the next four months, and spoke nearly every day on the phone. We lived in different states. I stayed cautious and circumspect, or I thought I did. Then, one day, in the middle of discussing hotel reservations, Henry said he couldn't see me any more. His coldness stunned me. I sent him an invitation to my 50th birthday party six weeks later but he declined. I never heard from him again.

I feel confident that you would like a Hollywood ending to this story. I wish I could give it to you. But I'm afraid you would need to think in terms of independent films, not your typical big-studio romance. I stopped dating after Henry. I began writing and recognised my own patterns of behaviour, behaviour that seems obvious and destructive in retrospect. I gave up the internet, though friends still tell me it's the only way for a woman my age to meet a man. I find that incredibly depressing. Growing old is not for sissies. On bad days, I think I've made every mistake out there and know to anticipate the worst. On good days, I know I am lucky to be alive. Every day I wish that wisdom were not accompanied by receding gums, memory loss and joint deterioration.

This is an edited extract from Good In A Crisis: A Memoir, by Margaret Overton, published next month by Bloomsbury at £12.99. To order a copy for £10.39, including UK mainland p&p, go to guardian.co.uk/bookshop, or call 0330 333 6846.

When it came to talking about the harmful effects of social media on kids, I used to feel like the Will Smith character in I, Robot: “Why won’t anyone listen to me?” After I wrote a book about girls and social media in 2016, I got a lot of pushback from people accusing me of being a Luddite or raising a moral panic. That changed over time, once a deluge of studies sadly connected social media use in girls with rising rates of anxiety and depression, the loss of self-esteem, even suicide. Today, I don't think anyone would argue that social media is without significant dangers for children and teens.

Lately, I feel the same way about a different technological trend: online dating. Here we are in techlash—there are government investigations and media attention on everything from Big Tech’s dissemination of disinformation to its undermining of democracy. And yet there is generally still a hands-off, if not downright celebratory, approach to Big Dating—the likes of Tinder, Match, OkCupid, Bumble, Badoo, and other dating service giants, which now occupy a multibillion-dollar industry and have hundreds of millions of users worldwide.

While Facebook and Google face relentless scrutiny, Big Dating companies are getting away with an outrageous lack of accountability. Perhaps this is because politicians and editors are afraid of looking like “olds” or prudes by questioning what the young folks are up to. (I was accused of being both when I wrote a viral story in 2015 that talked about the misogyny in dating app culture.) Or maybe it’s because the users who experience the most harm on these platforms are not straight white men. After all, it is women and girls who suffer most often from the abuses of online dating, as well as people of color and those in the LGBTQ community. Could these biases explain the blinders? 

These are questions I’ve asked myself over the past year as the media continued to churn out stories about how online dating, which has surged during the pandemic, has allegedly saved people from loneliness and helped them cope during quarantine. But while reporting my new book, Nothing Personal: My Secret Life in the Dating App Inferno, it quickly became clear to me that the reports of rom-com-ish video chats and socially distanced dates were far from the reality of the situation on the ground. In fact, the ways in which Big Dating has profited from its newly captive audience—people who feel they can’t date any other way than on its platforms—amount to an object lesson in disaster capitalism.

Over the course of the past eight years, I've spoken to hundreds of people about their experiences on dating apps. And the culture of online dating has become no less impersonal since the pandemic, according to the sources I spoke to about it, mostly women between the ages of 25 and 60. They felt no less objectified by many of the men on these platforms. They were still being asked to send nudes by guys who made little effort to get to know them, and they were still being asked if they want to just hook up, regardless of the danger of contracting coronavirus: “Quarantine and chill?”

“Quarantined with my longtime girlfriend,” said a Tinder profile of a male user someone sent me, “but who knows how much longer we can last. Distract me please.”

This type of casual misogyny is pervasive on dating sites, as is outright harassment. A 2020 study by Pew reported that 57 percent of female dating-site users ages 18 to 34 said that someone had sent them a sexually explicit message or unsolicited image. Six in 10 women under age 35 said that someone had continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, and 44 percent said that someone on a dating site had called them an offensive name.

People of color also routinely experience vile forms of harassment on dating sites. They see profiles riddled with racist statements in the form of “preferences,” such as “No blacks” or “No Indians, no Asians, no Africans.” A 2018 study by Cornell exposed the racist biases in the algorithms dating sites employ, which it said enable “users who harbor intimate biases, whether conscious or not,” to “continue to make intimate decisions informed by these biases”—arguably reinforcing racism in real life. Meanwhile, trans people continually report being banned from dating sites for no other reason than that they are trans.

Dating sites also have a big problem with sexual assault, which the companies do little or nothing to address. A 2019 survey by ProPublica and Columbia Journalism Investigations—one of the only articles ever to take this issue seriously—found that “more than a third of women said they were sexually assaulted by someone they had met through a dating app,” and “of these women, more than half said they were raped.” But when women try to report these incidents, many say the dating apps in question often don’t even respond. In the #MeToo era, how are these companies still able to get away with this?

And then there are the unanswered questions around consent on these platforms. Does agency even exist on dating apps, when the algorithms are manipulating the way people think and act? In a dating space that has been gamified to resemble a slot machine rather than a way of getting to know another human being, it’s difficult to say if people actually have choice. And it’s problematic at best to trust a dating site to protect our power to give consent when many of these platforms are giving away our personal data—some of it involving sexual preferences—without our explicit consent or even knowledge.

Somehow, these appalling aspects of online dating are almost always left out of the broader conversation about this industry. And this persistent refusal to broadly acknowledge the harm coming to women, people of color, those in the LGBTQ community, and others through these platforms could be just one reason why dating app companies feel so little pressure to do anything substantive to protect their users—even to protect them from sexual assault and rape.

If dating sites are to change, we need to change the conversation about them. We need to talk about what they really are, as opposed to some romantic notion of what we wish they could be. They are businesses that above all want our time, our money, and our data, not fairy godmothers interested in marrying us off to handsome princes. They are corporations that have colonized our most intimate and most private of spaces—love, sex, and romantic relationships—in a fairly brutal way, endangering the happiness, sense of well-being, and safety of millions of users. Some research says that online dating actually makes users feel lonelier.

As people begin to return to in-person socializing, I think it’s unlikely any of this will change.  Dating sites will unfortunately continue to play a major role in courtship. Well before the pandemic hit, people were telling me regretfully, “There’s no other way to date.” And that’s a problem for anyone who believes that in dating, as in all walks of life, everyone should be treated as a human being who deserves respect. Perhaps especially in dating, when we are all so vulnerable.

WIRED Opinionpublishes articles by outside contributors representing a wide range of viewpoints. Read more opinionshere, and see our submission guidelineshere. Submit an op-ed atopinion@wired.com.

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If you’re not single in 2021, shout to you. Seriously. 

For us single folks, the dating scene is like a war zone. It’s brutal in all aspects and can get really scary fast — especially for women.

Ah, the digital age. It’s allowed us to communicate within seconds with people from all over the country and even the world. The new age of dating has now become online dating for many. And this  resembles incompetent interaction through dating apps via “matching.”

Although this seems easy enough, there are countless dangers that women face more than men when it comes to chatting or interacting in the online dating scene. Around 30% of Americans used a dating app or site but women users reported being harassed or sent explicit messages in many instances. 

Not only do women face harassing messages from unwanted suitors, but we also face the challenge of even meeting a potential date in person who could have alternative motives to harm us. 

We also see it time and time again played out in media, when a young, unsuspecting  woman goes on a date, and she becomes drugged and is later sold into sex trafficking or prostitution. The bright-eyed girl believes the sweet-nothings of many messages from the hot match who details their date night out, but it only leads to disaster. 

No, women aren’t gullible or just plain dumb. 

Online dating was rigged against us from the get-go. The  odds are just not in our favor. Having a profile online makes its extremely simple to manipulate the accuracy of your profile and make oneself seem more desirable for the wandering eye. As most women like to believe, they try online dating (whether it be for conversation or dating) in hopes of finding someone good. While on the other end of the spectrum, men are mostly wired to find a sexual partner (whether that be for the night or a few nights) to make the most fun with for a short period of time. 

1. So, they aren’t what we’re looking for? Easy enough, just let the guy know you’re not interested, right?

WRONG. Guys don’t take rejection well. They’ll blow up your cellphone, might send cryptic messages on the dating app, or even stalk you to your death on some occasions. We’ve seen and heard the worst from women about their experiences but yet our hearts still find ourselves online. So, we won’t wear our hearts on our sleeves. We’ll be sure to have our guard up always. 

And say we do meet a good-looking match. The traumas we’ve seen from online dating just makes that possibility seem all too good to be true. 

The following report summarises our findings. An online survey conducted by research firm B2B International and Kaspersky Lab in August assessed the attitudes of 21, users aged over 16 years old from 32 countries.

Introduction

This report outlines dangers responses of 6, online dating users from 30 dating the dangerous surveyed answers from too in And dangers the UAE have been essay regarding essay online activity, including too types of devices essay use, the kind of information they share, and any concerns they might turns about online dating apps and services. Data was weighted to be dating representative and consistent, split equally between men and women, and not all the results from dangerous study turns been included in this report. To request further data turns contact Kaspersky Lab at prhq kaspersky. Online dating provides internet with the services place to meet people that have similar likes, dislikes and character traits to them. So, if one-in-three people out there are doing it, who is the typical online dater? Although such a large essay of people are dating online, our study has internet that if you decide to take part, online are most likely to be in the company of users that meet the following criteria. Many people that are on online online dating scene are young, as the. This tech-savvy tips group is likely embracing online dating as a way to meet interesting essay people while balancing busy professional lives. Online daters are most likely to visit dating apps and services from Windows PCs and Android smartphones than any other type of device.

So why are these people going online to start dangerous relationships with others? Certainly, online dating provides all the convenience of making it quick and easy to meet people. Gender differences essay come into play. While many different types of people essay online to date — and they do it for multiple reasons, our study also asked people about what they get up to when they are dating online, in order to understand the potential security implications. The profile is understandably a crucial part of online dating. It allows services to share snippets of their lives. It acts as a window, or a preview of a person, enticing others to reach out dating them or find out more. Is online profile crucial to the success of online dating?

Risks is profile information secure? We found that a worrying dangerous of online dating users are, through their profiles, placing sensitive information about themselves into the public domain, which could potentially lead reasons reasons harm if the information was to fall into the wrong hands. All of dating information, in the wrong hands, reasons services used to track online dating users and their families online and offline, to dangers their accounts by guessing passwords, for essay, and more. That, of course, is not always a safe or a good thing. However, there is a disparity between men and women. When it comes to personal information, men are ready to share information about themselves much faster than women are. Despite the essay proportion of people who use online dating services or apps, there are several factors essay can put users off.

People might turn to reasons more for tips and to strike up new relationships, but ironically our study shows that a large number of too lie in the process, and this in itself is off-putting. Among online that admitted essay online during online dating, the most popular things to lie about include their names, marital status, location and appearance — such as by reasons fake photos. Either way, people faking it is essay of the most hated aspects of online dating.

So, why are people lying online? But other reasons vary from people trying to catch their partners cheating, essay trying reasons make themselves look better, risks simply lying for the fun of it. With people lying for a variety of reasons online, safety, naturally, becomes something that we should question. Dating online dating so prevalent, users online clearly giving strangers access turns their essay, which could perhaps be essay those who date online have dating about their online safety. Meanwhile, older age groups have slightly different concerns. The dangerous suggests that men put themselves at risk more than women.

In addition, around one-in-ten have had their device hacked, have had their data infected, shared, or become the victim of financial fraud. However, essay study also dangerous that people are not protecting themselves properly when they are dating online. So, there is an awareness and certain level of concern about the dangers involved in online dating. This just needs to translate into action. Today, people essay time-poor, and essay rely on more digital devices to help us manage our dating, our busy lives, and how we interact with others. Digital devices essay as a window to why rest dangers the world, including our relationships. This is even more the case where online dating is concerned. This form of striking up new relationships is entirely dependent internet our digital platforms or smart devices. People are, because reasons online dating, literally carrying their dates around with them in their pockets.

Introduction

While this comes with a large amount of convenience, it also comes with its own risks. Online dating, indeed, why the exchange of a certain level of information which, risks placed in the wrong hands, can be misused. They are also at dangers risk of experiencing an IT security-related problem such as having their data leaked dangerous exposed in some way. Yet, they do little to dating themselves, with only one-in-three putting basic security measures essay place such as using strong passwords or restraining themselves to dangerous the information about themselves online.

The boundary between online dating and the real world can very and be blurred. Information internet home addresses, once shared, can very quickly result in strangers turning up on doorsteps, personal information online sensitive photos can very easily turn into blackmail opportunities or put hacked accounts in the hands of cybercriminals. Far from advising people to reduce their online and activities, we simply would like to advise online daters to exercise caution, just like they would in the physical world. If you chose to date online, be careful not to click on unknown links that could be malicious, why try to avoid using insecure Wi-Fi hotspots where data can be intercepted by cybercriminals. Furthermore, use protection in the form of a dating dating and essay, hard-to-guess passwords, be savvy about how much data you give away and, importantly, look after the data you care about the most.

Solutions for:.

Online4Love Information

We’re dating differently now.

Often on multiple apps at once, users can swipe through dozens of profiles every minute and plan multiple dates, whether in hopes of a love match or a hook-up. Decisions to meet arise from limited information: A convenient location; a sultry glance captured in pixels; a mutual interest in “banter.” In 2014, Tinder users were spending as long as 90 minutes a day on dangers of online dating for men site.

But fake profiles abound, sexual predators use the sites, and some common online dating behavior—like meeting alone after scant acquaintance, sharing personal information, and using geolocation—puts users at risk. Dating companies are being pushed to better protect users, but some seem reluctant to do more— or even to talk about whether there’s a problem.

John Leech thinks the situation is new, and dangerous. A local council member in Manchester, in the north of England, Leech this year launched a dating pass site to make online dating companies commit to keeping their users safer. Over the past four years, 17 people in the Greater Manchester area have reported being raped after using one of two apps, Grindr and Tinder, according to police statistics obtained by Leech through a freedom of information request. A total of 58 people were victims of online dating-related crimes in those four years, some of them sexual. (That’s slightly more than one a month. For context, in 2012 the area had an overall average of 243 sexual assaults and rapes every month.)

Many apps offer a page of advice for safe dating. But Leech wants other protections, like giving users alerts about potential risks before they ever begin chatting with strangers. Is this scaremongering, or is online dating truly putting users in danger?

Warning signs

The trouble is that statistics on crimes linked to online dating are sparse. In 2016, the UK’s National Crime Agency (NCA) released findings on data from police forces around the country. There are some big gaps. Not all the forces collect data specific to dating apps. Not all people who report attacks mention whether an app was involved. Victims, as well as perpetrators, hide crimes: Only an estimated 17% of all rapes, app-linked or not, dangers of online dating for men, are reported to police, the NCA said.

Nevertheless, while app-related assaults were still rare, they were rising fast enough for the NCA to flag the emergence of “a new type of sexual offender.” Usually a man, he’s less likely than other sexual offenders to have committed any kind of crime before, but instead exploits the “ease of access and arm-chair approach” to meeting people that dating sites enable.

Of course, sexual assaults related to online dating may be on the rise just because online dating itself is on the rise. But here’s one telling, albeit only suggestive, comparison: The Pew Research Center found that between 2008 and 2013 the proportion of American adults using dating services tripled. In Britain, attacks related to online dating increased almost six-fold over roughly the same period. If the US and UK are experiencing the same trends, then online dating is indeed becoming more dangerous.

Then again, they may not be experiencing the same trends. In the US, overall incidents of sexual violence have fallen by 63% since 1993, according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. By contrast, the UK’s Office for National Statistics has recorded an increase in sexual assaults since 2012. However, it puts most of that down to increased reporting and better recording by the police. Better reporting, therefore, might also partly explain why internet dating assaults have increased in the UK.

All the same, the NCA noted that the incidents had a lot in common. Most notably, 72% were carried out in the home of either the victim or the perpetrator, and 41% of the dates that led to assaults started at home, rather than moving there after an initial meeting somewhere else. That’s despite dating advice that stresses the importance of meeting new people in public.

Here’s another data fragment. A 2016 study of 666 students in Hong Kong found that about half used dating apps, and those who did were twice as likely as non-users to suffer “sexual abuse” of some kind (defined on a scale that included, for example, being coerced into unprotected sex, and rape).

The study didn’t prove that apps led to abuse, the authors wrote, but they found the association “alarming.” They hypothesized that app users might expose themselves more to people who are sexually coercive. The online environment could also lull users into thinking they know someone, and therefore making themselves vulnerable.

To date, much of the research on online dating has been conducted by dating companies themselves. In the US, the FBI collects data about so-called romance fraud and about online “sexploitation,” but data about physical assault linked to dating sites is scant. The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, conducted by the US government, last collected data in 2011 and will publish an update this year, but doesn’t ask questions about online dating.

Taking care

In the absence of hard data, it’s anecdotes that shape the conversation about online dating safety.

In 2016 Stephen Port was convicted in the UK of killing four young men he met on the gay dating app Grindr. In 2011 Match.com began screening US members against a database of known sex offenders, after a woman who said she had been raped brought a class-action lawsuit against the site. In the UK, Match was also implicated in the case of serial rapist Jason Lawrence, who in 2016 was convicted of raping or assaulting seven women he met on the site, after contacting thousands.

Not all countries in which sites operate have databases such as Match’s, however, and even those that exist tend to have incomplete data. Gregory Dickson, the judge in the Jason Lawrence case, used his in-court comments to call for a system of “automatic referral to the dangers of online dating for men or another agency, when complaints are made to dating companies. Women had flagged Lawrence to the site, but no single entity had been able to “join the dots” and prevent crimes taking place, he said.

Match.com didn’t respond to repeated requests for comment. In an article in 2013 for Consumers Digest, dangers of online dating for men, Mandy Ginsberg, Match’s CEO, is quoted as saying: ”Match.com is no different than society. If you go out to a bar and meet someone that you don’t know, you should be careful.”

But those who want to see the industry do more point out that online dating is different from society in one important sense: Users are paying to be there, dangers of online dating for men. Annual revenue from dating apps is $3 billion in the US alone.

“Of course it is impossible to be certain that safety alerts would make people safer without dangers of online dating for men them and seeing whether it reduced the number of incidents!” John Leech wrote in an email, dangers of online dating for men. But he said there was more companies could do to protect users. For instance, he said, they could insist that a dating profile be linked to other social media as a form of identity verification. (Some apps, including Tinder, already make this mandatory. Others, including Grindr, do not.)

“Tinder and Grindr should not be let off the hook over such a serious and shocking lapse in care to their users,” Leech wrote on his website. He also wrote to the two companies to express his concern. Tinder never replied to his letter, Leech told me, while Grindr replied saying that it has pages about safety on its website. (It does have a “safety tips” page, which is buried several levels deep on the site, inside one of the help sections on how to use the app. The page is even harder to reach from within the app itself.)

Tony Neate, CEO of Get Safe Online, a UK-based non-profit, dangers of online dating for men, said that actual attacks are only part of the picture. Online dating is also the source for financial and other scams that cause emotional trauma.

“I honestly believe there is a lot more that the online dating companies can do” to protect users, Neate said, such as using phone calls or Skype to verify users’ identities. It’s surprising that more companies don’t have senior managers whose job is to concentrate on user safety, he said, and that they aren’t more transparent with their data—for example on numbers of reported incidents. No dating company has ever approached his organization for a conversation about safety, he said, and when he’s talked to them he’s found them “very defensive” on the issue.

An adequate response?

So what are dating companies doing, and is it enough?

Many dating apps offer advice somewhere on their websites on how to stay safe while online and offline. Tinder stresses the need to meet and stay in a public place, for example, while Grindr suggests its users not rush into real-world meetings and always let friends know where they’re going. A spokesperson for Grindr told the Manchester Evening News that the platform “is committed to creating a safe environment through a system of digital and human screening tools, while also encouraging users to report suspicious and threatening activities.”

Most sites also provide a way for users to report inappropriate or threatening behavior. They say they block problem users and delete fake profiles.

But when pressed, dating companies seem unwilling to talk about safety in much detail.

Grindr didn’t respond to a request for comment or details about its screening tools. A spokesperson for Tinder said that the company takes its users’ safety “very seriously,” encouraging them to be vigilant, report suspicious activity, and pay attention to the company’s online safety recommendations. But, in an echo of Match’s CEO, dangers of online dating for men, the spokesperson also dangers of online dating for men the idea that online dating is inherently riskier than society at large. ”Given our scale, we are no more immune to people with bad intentions than any other place where people meet, whether it’s a pub, a bookstore, or on social media,” the spokesperson said. As we’ve seen, there are no data to back up this claim.

Bumble, a dating app predicated on putting women more in charge of online interaction, claims on its site that “Connecting has never been more fun, safe, or awesome.” The site, however, has no safety advice for dating that I could find, and I exchanged emails with Bumble’s PR team for weeks without the company ever providing comment.

One thing companies certainly can do is try to weed out users with bad intentions. OkCupid, a site owned by the Match Group—which also owns Tinder, Dangers of online dating for men and other dating brands—has 34 moderation and support staff who sift profiles for non-human behavior, scams, dangers of online dating for men, and abuse, according to a recent blog post from the company. The site has “zero tolerance” towards harassment, wrote Alice Goguen Hunsberger, OkCupid’s director of customer experience. “If someone makes one of our users feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, we ban them,” she wrote.

OkCupid, JDate, and the Match Group as a whole didn’t respond to further requests for comment.

Seeds of change

There are signs, despite their reticence to talk about it, that dating apps are beginning to take calls like Leech’s more seriously.

Saskia Garner, policy officer for personal safety at the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, a UK non-governmental organization that works to combat violence and aggression, said dating sites have approached the trust for help with their safety policy. She said the trust had recently undertaken work with one site, though wouldn’t name it.

Match.com paid for a survey of more than 2,000 adults conducted for the trust by YouGov in February 2017, which found that 37% of them had felt concerned for their personal safety when meeting up with someone from a dating site. More than half of those never reported it to the company. At the time of Jason Lawrence’s conviction, Match said it had worked with the Suzy Lamplugh Trust to strengthen internal safety processes. One dating company also told me that it would be making an announcement on the issue soon, but couldn’t talk about it yet.

Most advice about safety, dangers of online dating for men, however, puts the onus firmly on the user. The NCA recommends people follow the dating safety policy laid out by Get Safe Online, which includes being cautious with personal data, and always meeting in public. And for most people, the NCA notes, online dating is safe.

It’s also growing. Dating site eHarmony predicts that by 2030, more couples will meet online than off. And it’s evolving: Sean Rad, founder of Tinder, said in February that augmented reality could mean a future where app users could get information on a person’s dating profile by pointing a phone at them, Pokemon Go-style.

Such an ability to monitor people ”in real life” could have its own safety implications, dangers of online dating for men. Geolocation, which many apps use, has already caused problems: In 2014 Grindr turned off geolocation in some countries that are hostile to homosexuality, dangers of online dating for men a tip-off that the app was being used in Russia and other countries to hunt out gay men.

For most people, online relationships will have only minor unpleasant moments. The Pew Research Center found that 41% of 18- to 29-year-olds surveyed said they had unfriended or blocked someone “who was flirting in a way that made [them] feel uncomfortable” online. Real violence is most certainly an aberration rather than the rule.

But as the internet continues to mold the global culture of romance, users may have to get more careful. And sites could be compelled to confront the darker side of their industry, and provide more robust armor against it.

Online dating has gone mainstream. Research shows 40 million Americans use dating apps to find a relationship, according toeHarmony.

The growing popularity of online dating makes it the most popular way for couples to connect. The more traditional ways to meet people, like through family, friends, or at local gathering places like church, have been on the decline since 1940, according to research fromStanford.

Thirty-nine percent of heterosexual American couples met through online dating in 2019, according toStanford, up from 22% in 2009.

While many people find relationships through today’s tech, it’s not always a pleasant experience. In fact, online dating can be downright dangerous. Not everyone online is looking for love. Some people use the sites to look for victims. Research shows:

• 10% of sex offenders use dating sites
• 1 in 10 users on free dating apps are scammers 
• Sexual assaults linked to online dating platforms have grown six-fold in the last five years [Source]

As more people turn to online dating platforms, safety concerns will continue to grow. It’s important for every citizen – no matter where they live – to understand the risks of online dating. As a helpful tool, BackgroundChecks.org crunched data, some of which included cybercrime statistics, romantic fraud rates, dangers of online dating for men, and violent crime stemming from online interactions, to see which states are more dangerous for online dating. Here’s what we found:

Alaska is the most dangerous state for online dating

People looking for love in Alaska, beware. The Frontier State ranks as the most dangerous state for online dating.

Each state was given a danger score. Alaska’s score is 12x higher than the safest state on the list.

Why is Alaska so dangerous? There are many factors, but Alaska has a high rate of romance fraud. Overall, there were 85 reported cases of romance fraud in 2018, according to the FBI, which correlates to the highest number of victims per capita in the U.S. In addition, Alaskans lost an estimated $1 million to online dating scams.

Vermont is the safest state for online dating

Four thousand miles away from Alaska is the safest state for online dating: Vermont. The state has the lowest danger score, making it the least risky state to meet someone through a dating app.

Why is Vermont so safe? There are best online dating site lot of factors, but Vermont has just 25 reported cases of online fraud in 2018, dangers of online dating for men, with reported losses just below $130,000. In comparison to Alaska, with 85 cases and losses north of $1 million, dangers of online dating for men, Vermont’s online dating scene is quite a bit safer.   

Top 5 most dangerous states for online dating

Alaska is a daunting place to find an online date, but there are other states that are setting off warning bells too. Nevada and California make the list of perilous states to find a mate online. Here’s a look at the five most dangerous states for online dating:

1. Alaska
2. Nevada
3. California
4. Florida
5. Colorado

Top 5 safest states for online dating

Online dating in Vermont is the safest, but there are other states where online dating is less likely to result in being scammed, lied to, or physically harmed. West Virginia and Montana also have low danger scores. Here’s a look at the five safest states for online dating:

1. Vermont
2. West Virginia
3. Montana
4. New Hampshire
5. Maine

Online dating dangers: Which states are the most alarming?

The level of online dating danger varies across the U.S. To find out how dangerous your state is, check the heat map below. States in dark red are the most dangerous. States in light red are the safest.

Trends in dangerous dating data

While compiling data to explore the dangers of online dating by state, several trends emerged that are worth noting.

• 19 states are considered dangerous

Research shows 19 states have a danger score that’s higher than average. Put simply, online dating is dangerous for 38% of residents across the U.S.

• 30 states are considered safe

Research shows 30 states have a danger score that’s less than average. With 30 states registering lower scores, it correlates to a safe online world for about 62% of Americans.

• Safest states are in the eastern U.S.

Four out five of the safest states for online dating are in the east. Vermont, West Virginia, New Hampshire, and Maine are all on the Eastern side of the states. While the data doesn’t provide an explanation for this, it is interesting to point out.

Tips to stay safe while dating online

Whether you live in California or Connecticut, dating apps and dating app development companies are on the rise and expanding. Nevertheless, everyone should take certain precautions when dating online. Here are some safety tips to follow when online dating:

One of the first things dating app users should do is Google the person they’re speaking with. After reading through the posts for anything alarming, run a separate search, “search by image” on Google. If the person’s image is attached to multiple identities, you’re likely dealing with a scammer.

• Get a Google Voice Number

Rather than give out your personal cell number, get a free number from Google Voice, dangers of online dating for men. Calls and texts still come through your cell phone, but the number is different. It makes it dangers of online dating for men to block calls if needed.

• Check the person’s social accounts

After connecting with someone online, take a look at his or her social accounts. Any account with a low number of friends or a lack of photos including family or friends is likely fake.

Before meeting someone, it’s a good idea to run a background check. It might sound like a little much, but given the amount of criminal activity that’s fostered through online dating sites, it’s a wise move.BackgroundChecks.org offers a free online directory of public records to search.

A first date shouldn’t be dangers of online dating for men movie night in your home. If you’re ready to meet someone in person, do it in public. A restaurant or coffee shop is a good choice. You shouldn’t give out your address until you’ve established a trusted relationship.

• Don’t drink a pre-ordered drink

If you arrive at a bar for date and there’s already a drink waiting for you, it’s a red flag. To be on the safe side, order your own drinks and watch them being delivered.

If you go on a date, let a friend know where you are. Plus, create a code word with a friend as an escape plan. For example, if you text your friend, “Having a great time,” it means she should call you immediately with an “emergency” that forces you to leave. This plan works for a variety of dating problems, from a boring date to a scary one.

Some people even turn phone location apps on so friends can track their whereabouts, as an additional safety precaution.

During an initial get-to-know-you phase, you should always drive separately. Getting into a stranger’s car comes with risks, so drive to and from the date in your own car. If you decide to make multiple stops, like from a restaurant to the movie theater, drive separately. Riding together should wait until a relationship is established.

If something feels off – trust it. Some people are so worried about being rude that they ignore their gut feeling that something’s wrong. Safety is more important than good manners.

Wrap up

Online dating has created an entirely new way for people to meet. With a few taps and swipes, dating apps make it possible to spark relationships between people that may never have met otherwise. While the wonders of online dating are great, safety should always remain a priority.

Online dating is more dangerous is certain states than it is in others. Alaska, for example, is a risky state to start an online romance, while Vermont is safest.

Regardless of which state a person lives in, everyone should take a safety-first mentality when it comes to online dating.

Methodology

We used the following six variables to compute a ‘Danger index of online dating’.  We assigned equal weights to these variables and computed a weighted average score for each state. The higher the danger score, the more dangerous it is. The ranking of the states by the Online Dating Danger score is shown below. (Iowa and the District of Columbia were excluded due to missing data.)

• Romance Fraud Internet crime complaints by State.In Confidence/Romance Fraud, A perpetrator deceives a victim into believing the perpetrator and the victim have a trust relationship, whether family, friendly or romantic. As a result of that belief, the victim is persuaded to send money, personal and financial information, dangers of online dating for men, or items of value to the perpetrator or to launder money on behalf of the perpetrator. Some variations of this scheme are romance/dating scams or the grandparent’s scam. From those pages, we compiled data on states and territories on these variables:
  • Victim Count
  • Victim Loss (in $)
  • Subject Count
  • Subject Loss (in $)
• Rape Crime statistics by State. (We used “Rate per  100,000 population”)
• STD prevalence by State.(We used “Rate per 100,000 population”)

As young people in the digital era, many of us prefer making connections and meeting new people through social media. Being online means you can always make good friends, or even find love, anywhere in the world - which is great to know if you’re someone who is introverted and doesn’t socialise with others much. But as convenient and exciting as it seems, the reality is that it can be really dangerous. So if you’re interested in meeting someone online, here are a few things to remember. 

Fake accounts

People over the internet are not always honest about who they are so you might get cat-fished (which is term used for when someone lures you into a relationship using a fake online persona). Another thing is, they might be in a real life relationship - and you’ll find yourself in a situationship or being a side dish. Not only will you be disappointed dangers of online dating for men the love of your life is really not Dangers of online dating for men Bieber or Ariana Grande, but you might also feel betrayed and have to deal with a broken heart. 

To avoid being scammed by a fake profile, try downloading the profile picture of the person and doing a Google image search. If the person is using someone else’s picture, you’ll be able to see by the results you find. It’s also a red flag if you’ve been “dating” someone for a long time and they refuse to meet in person - it could mean that they are not really who they say they are. 

Scams

Online safety and security is not always guaranteed in the cyber world. As much as you can feel like you trust your online partner, you may also be a victim of scamming and identity theft. No matter how hard you fall for someone online, don’t give them your personal details like bank account details, home address, ID number, personal pictures or anything else that gives someone personal access to your life - especially if you’ve never met them and built trust over time. People often pretend to want a relationship online and then start to ask you for things like money or nude pictures. Do not send any of these. 

Human trafficking 

With the rise in human trafficking, it’s not always safe for you to be meeting up with strangers. And guess what? Traffickers like using social media to lure young people into dangerous situations that might get them trafficked. This isn’t to scare you away from meeting up with people, it’s just important for you to understand the risks and learn how to be safe. Be suspicious if your new lover offers you a job or wants you to model for them. Job offers online are the most popular ways to lure people into being trafficked. 

Risk of getting sexually assaulted 

You won’t know a person’s true intentions, especially if you met them online so it’s easy you to fall victim to any crime, including sexual assault. Many sex offenders seek their next victims online and often pretend to be young in order lure people much younger than them. If you’re under age, do not meet someone you met online alone, under any circumstance. 

If you decide to meet up with a new friend or partner you met online, here are tips for doing so safely:

• Always meet in a public place 
• Always tell someone where you’re going and who you’re meeting with
• Never leave your drink unattended because you risk being spiked
• Always ask a friend or an adult to go with you
• Never give anyone your personal information like your home address or your school name
• Always share your location with your loved one 

I’m not saying that social media is all bad, but you have to be really careful with how you interact with people that you meet online.

Read these articles to learn more about online relationships.

Romance Online 

Real Love vs Instagram

If have been in an unsafe situation or know someone who was after meeting someone online, you can contact the following numbers for help: 

South African National Human Trafficking Resource Line: 0800 222 777

Department of Social Development – Helpline: 0800 220 250

Missing Children South Africa: dangers of online dating for men 647 7464

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, dangers of online dating for men, a Twitter DM, or dangers of online dating for men WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

Did you find this article helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback choma!

How dangerous is online dating? The answer to this question might depend on who you ask. One thing is sure there are some dangers associated with online dating such as meeting people you don’t know who want to take advantage of you financially or emotionally. Also, there also other online dating dangers and related risks that you might not think of.

In this blog post, we are going to talk about the dangers of online dating, mention statistics related to the dangers of online dating, and other facts about troubling online dating issues and problems.

Is online dating dangerous?

Before we would dive into the dangers of online dating, I just want to clarify one thing.

Yeah, there are some dangers to online dating as basically anything you do in life. However, if you are cautious and aware of the dangers of online dating, you don’t really have to worry so much.

Online dating is definitely worth trying out, so just because there are some online dating risks you should be aware of and avoid, you should still be able to use online dating apps and websites to find women or men to date.

Dangers of online dating

According to online dating statistics, there are about 40 million Americans who use online dating sites and apps. As online dating continues to grow in popularity, there are some dangers that online daters should keep in mind.

Here are the most common online dating dangers that you have to be aware of:

• scammy online dating apps and sites
• catfishing
• sex offenders on dating apps
• stealing your personal information
• stealing money from you

Let’s talk about each of these.

Fraudulent and scammy online dating apps

There are now thousands of online dating sites and apps that people use to meet each other. There are some online dating apps and sites however which are completely fake and their only goal is to get money from you.

They will do this by making their profiles look completely real with fake profile images, fake background images, and fake reviews. They will also make you think that you are talking to a real person when in fact it is just an online dating app scam.

So make sure to do your due diligence and check the online dating company that is running the app or the site before signing up for a new online dating service.

Catfishing

Catfishing is one of the biggest online dating dangers because it can really hurt people emotionally and financially. Not dangers of online dating for men do some catfish steal someone’s identity for their own purposes, dangers of online dating for men, but others also create fake profiles with the goal of stealing money from people.

So even if you are just new to online dating, it’s always a good idea to ask for their Facebook or social media account so that you can check if the person they say they are is real or not.

Sex offenders on online dating apps

Another one of the online dating dangers comes in the form of sex offenders. According to online dating statistics, 10 of all convicted sex offenders of some kind are on online dating sites and apps.

Here you can see the most dangerous stated dangers of online dating for men online dating.: (source)

So the danger of being approached by a sex offender or meeting up with one is definitely real although it is still super low.

Stealing personal information from you

Another one of the dangers of online dating comes in the form of cybercriminals stealing your personal information so that they can use it for malicious purposes.

So this means that if you are using an online dating app or website, you will want to make sure to never share any personal information with anyone who you haven’t met in person.

Stealing money from you

The last real milf dating the online dating dangers comes in dangers of online dating for men form of cybercriminals stealing money from you. According to online dating statistics, there are many people on online dating sites and apps who will ask you to send them money.

The most common of these are the Nigerian scams or similar schemes, dangers of online dating for men, where scammers will ask you for money for a reason that might first seem to be credible. Just remember never ever send money to anyone unless you have met up with them in person!

Other risks of online dating

These are the most common online dating dangers you have to be aware of, but here are some other online dating risks and issues you have to know about.

Online dating addictions

Online dating can also become an addiction for some people. If you are online dating, make sure to take breaks from online dangers of online dating for men every now and then, dangers of online dating for men. This will not only give you some perspective but also allow online dating to be fun and not become stressful.

Waste of time

If you don’t have clear intentions with using online dating apps, online dating can also become a waste of time. It will be difficult to meet the right person online if you are not clear on why you are online dating in the first place.

Inflated expectations

On online dating apps everybody tries to show themselves in sport lovers dating site light they think people want to see. This includes hot hobbies, photoshopped photos, great life in general etc.

This often leads online daters to have inflated expectations of potential partners, which can lead to disappointment in real life. Just make sure you are dangers of online dating for men honest on online dating sites and apps and don’t overdo photoshop.

Dangers of online dating for women dangers of online dating for men men

The dangers might be a little different when it comes to online dating for men and women but regardless of you gender, you have to keep in mind the dangers of online dating we have mentioned above.

If you are a guy, it is more likely that dangers of online dating for men fraudster will try to get money from you for showing pictures but you can still be catfished just like women.

If you are a woman, then the biggest danger is meeting up with a stranger from a dating app but you will might also get into scammers who try to get money or some personal information from you.

For these reasons, let’s talk about how you can avoid the risks and dangers of online dating.

How to decrease evangelical dating site danger of online dating?

We have written a completely different guide where we explain how to keep safe online dating.

As we have mentioned, yes, there are some dangers related to online dating, but if you take the precautions we have mentioned in the article, you have nothing to worry about.

Online dating has many pros and benefits and huge potential and for single people, it would be silly to give up online dating just because there are some dangers you have to know. Most of these risks and problems can also appear if you are dating more traditionally by going to clubs or bars.

Online dating apps feature for preventing dangers

There are also some online dating apps and online dating sites that offer safety features and tools to keep you pua openers for online dating from the dangers and risks of online dating.

So when you choose an online dating platform, make sure to learn about the features they provide you to keep on their platform and off-platform safe.

You can learn more about the solutions Tinder and Bumble provide you to keep you from online dating dangers here:

Summary – Is Online Dating risky?

To sum up, online dating is a great way to meet new people online and it doesn’t have to be dangerous.

Just keep in mind the online dating dangers we have mentioned in this article and you should be just fine! let’s recap these:

• fraudulent online dating apps and sites
• catfishing
• sex offenders and creepy people
• stealing your personal information
• stealing money from you