There are many different types of relationships, and if you’re currently in one that’s committed and monogamous, you may have questions about how to proceed if your partner wants an open relationship.

To better understand, process, and proceed, it’s important to know what an open relationship actually entails. Both polyamory expert Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D., and sex therapist Isadora Alman define an open relationship as one in which partners are free to engage in sexual, emotional, and/or romantic endeavors with other people outside the relationship. In , it was estimated that 4–5 percent of North Americans were involved in a consensual nonmonogamous relationship. Although nonmonogamy remains widely stigmatized in its social perception, a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that partners in open relationships are equally as satisfied and happy as those in monogamous relationships.

If nonmonogamy is a new concept to you, your head might be spinning. Spend some time reflecting on your romantic goals and what you want out of your relationship. Being honest with yourself and your partner could save you time and heartache in the future, or open the door to a new level of fulfillment. With this in mind, if your partner is pushing for an open relationship, it’s up to you to decide if you’re comfortable with it or if you should close the door on your time with this person.

Read on to determine if an open relationship is the right kind of relationship for you.

Know Your Partner's Reasons

If your partner wants to have an open relationship, they should clearly explain the reasons why this is the case. Perhaps they've failed at monogamy in the past and would rather be upfront and open about their endeavors rather than having to sneak around. Or perhaps they feel as though their needs aren’t currently being met and want to look outside your relationship to fulfill these desires.

"Most often, one of the two is simply feeling confined," says Alman. "Sex within the couple is dull; one is not getting his or her needs met, not only for variety but perhaps for a certain predilection the partner won’t indulge." Once you fully understand why your partner is interested in having an open relationship in the first place, you can make a more informed decision regarding if, or how, to continue.

Understand Open Relationships Versus Cheating

An open relationship is distinctly different from cheating in that there is no secrecy, dishonesty, or subversion. By definition, an open relationship requires a consensual agreement by both partners to engage in relations with people outside the primary relationship.

Evaluate Your Interest in Being With Other People

Upon hearing your partner’s reasons for wanting an open relationship, it’s important to ask yourself if you also feel as though you’d like to pursue other options outside of your current relationship. If the answer is “yes,” then an open relationship may be something worth trying, especially since you and your partner can both be with other people while being totally open and honest with one another.

But Sheff shares a word of warning: "When one person has agreed to consensual nonmonogamy under duress—either they have been bullied or badgered until they give in, or they feel like they can’t say 'no' but really do not want to be in an open relationship—the challenges become far more intense than they would be if everyone involved was truly consenting."

Weigh the Possibility of One-Sided Monogamy

If you’re not interested in being with other people, ask yourself if you’d be okay with your partner going outside of your relationship while you remain monogamous. "That is where one wants or expects a monogamous relationship, is happy within those bonds, and the other partner isn’t," explains Alman. "If some sort of settlement can be negotiated—only casual outside sex and no love affairs or only when out of town, etc.—there can be a truce."

Keep in mind that there are open relationships where this is the case, and you have to be honest with yourself if this is something that you’d be able to handle. If you’re someone who tends to get jealous, then having to share your partner with others may not be the best choice for you.

Assess the Pros of an Open Relationship

Open relationships allow people to open up to new experiences and satisfy any curiosities they may wish to explore without sacrificing the bond of the primary relationship. A consistent sense of novelty, increased opportunities for connection, chances to try different fantasies, and introductions to desires they hadn't considered are all possible with open relationships. They can also be a positive alternative for partners that want to explore their sexualities, lack sexual compatibility, or experience arousal from their partner engaging in sexual acts with others.

Be Aware of the Cons of an Open Relationship

The negative aspects of an open relationship mainly arise from pre-existing issues in the primary relationship. If partners enter an open relationship without truly being comfortable with the arrangement, they will most likely end up being dissatisfied with the relationship. Similarly, if partners aren't fully honest with themselves or each other and fail to adequately communicate expectations and boundaries, the arrangement could deteriorate quickly. Most importantly, if the reason for entering an open relationship is a desperate Hail Mary attempt to fix an already-unstable relationship, those efforts may be in vain.

Consider the State of Your Current Relationship

If you're considering an open relationship, it’s critical that the relationship you have with one another at this very moment is strong. Many people mistakenly believe that opening up a relationship can be beneficial if they’re currently facing challenges as a couple, but, again, a rocky relationship will likely crumble.

As Sheff puts it, "Given the complexity of negotiating and maintaining consensual nonmonogamous relationships, it is not a surprise that choosing it as a strategy to mend a damaged relationship generally does not end well." An open relationship isn’t a quick-fix or guaranteed remedy for a relationship that’s failing, so it shouldn’t be used as a crutch for an already broken connection. 

Set Rules and Boundaries

As in all relationships, honesty and open communication are necessary for success. Evaluate your personal expectations and needs with yourself first, and then have a conversation with your partner to set boundaries to protect those needs. These can include things like how much information should be disclosed about secondary relationships, sexual risk management (use of protection, getting tested for STDs, etc.), and allocation of time spent between secondary (or tertiary) partners and you. For example, you may need a certain amount of one-on-one time with your partner, block off special dates, or ensure that they aren't communicating with secondary partners when you are together. "There are as many possible outcomes to an open/closed relationship as there are rules and agreements around one," points out Alman.

Be careful of rules surrounding emotions. While it may feel safer to have a hard stop on developing romantic feelings for someone else, emotions can be difficult to control. Have regular check-ins to ensure that both parties are satisfied with the agreements, which can always be renegotiated if necessary.

Decide If This Is a Deal-Breaker

In the end, it’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with having an open relationship. And while you may love your partner very much and care about them with all of your heart, you have to think about your own wants and needs when making this important decision.

If you're not totally comfortable saying "yes" to an open relationship but you're also not quite ready to call it quits, Sheff floats an alternative idea: "When couples consider shifting from monogamy to consensual nonmonogamy and find it challenging, seeking some assistance from a professional counselor, therapist, or coach can help them to consider and negotiate alternatives."

Remember, you get to determine the kind of relationship that you have. If monogamy is a requirement for you, then you should find someone else who shares this requirement as well—just as your partner should find someone who’s totally on board with an open relationship. 

What Is the Difference Between Polyamory and Polygamy?

Brides takes every opportunity to use high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial guidelines to learn more about how we keep our content accurate, reliable and trustworthy.

Is it just me or are more gay guys than ever on Grindr / Scruff / Tinder / OkCupid / the Dating-Slash-Sex app of your choice in open relationships than ever before?

Last week, I walked you through how you can figure out if being in an open relationship is right for you, and that&#;s all well and good if you are the one driving that process&#;

But, what if you&#;re out there living your best single life, not even thinking about open or polyamorous relationships, and then, BAM!, you meet someone and you really hit it off and you find out that he&#;s already in a relationship.

What do you do then?

From getting involved myself with guys that are already in a relationship, to being the first polyamorous person that a guy has met / dated / fucked, to watching my boyfriends date other people&#; I am deep in the trenches with you on this one.

When Peter and I opened up our relationship eight years ago, we were literally the only people that we knew in an open relationship. Now, on Scruff, you can choose between open relationship or a polyamorous relationship as your relationship status.

What that means, though, is that you might be more likely than ever to chat up someone, hook up with someone, go on a date with someone who&#;s already in a relationship. So, what do you do if you start dating Mr. Right and he&#;s already in a relationship?

Here are five tips that can help you navigate that process with a bit more ease.

Get clear on what you want.

Are you looking for a casual, but ongoing, hookup, are you looking for a friends with benefits type situation, are you looking to date with sleepovers and an increasing level of commitment, do you wanna move in together, are you looking for kids, do you wanna get legally married?

You might not know everything up front, and what you want might change over time, but the more clarity that you can get on what it is that you want, the better able you will be to ask from him what is available.

If you need help figuring that out, I recommend things like therapy, journaling, talking to understanding and open-minded friends, and reading books that offer up a different perspective on relationships than what you have grown up hearing your whole life. The Ethical Slut, Sex at Dawn, Opening Up are great places to start.

Ask what he wants.

He might not know, either, and, of course, what he wants might change over time, as well. And, what he wants hypothetically might be different than what he wants with you. But, this is going to be an important starting point. What do y&#;all want?

Ask about how he structures his other relationship or relationships.

Does he have a primary partner, what does that mean to them? If he doesn&#;t have someone that he calls a primary partner, what is their level of commitment? Is there someone who has a veto power over his other relationships if they feel uncomfortable? (Psst, that last one is a big red flag for me!)

Ask what&#;s available in really practical terms.

Love might be abundant, but time and attention and bedrooms are not. Is there a limit to how much time he can spend with you? Is there a limit to how much time he wants to spend with you? Really press on this, because he might wanna spend three nights a week with his current boyfriend, and three nights a week with you, and three nights alone, but there are only seven days in a week, and not nine.

And, is there space? Emotional space, time in the week, space in an apartment, or a closet, or a parent&#;s basement for what it is that you&#;re looking for out of this relationship?

Commit to a process of checking in.

This isn&#;t gonna be a one-time thing. What you want after the first date, and the fifth date, and the th date are very likely to be different. Circumstances change and desires shift, and sometimes your needs, or his needs, or his other partner&#;s needs, or your other boyfriend&#;s needs, or the new guy he just started dating&#;s needs sneak up on you. You can bump into barriers that you didn&#;t know existed. So, keep the conversation going.

Sometimes it might seem like open or polyamorous relationships take more work, or involve more risk, and is it really worth it?

But, over the past years of being in an open relationship myself and in working with people in open and polyamorous relationships and in monogamous relationships to talk through all of their relationship woes, it seems to me that monogamous relationships take just as much work as polyamorous ones.

It&#;s really easy to get the message that when it comes to relationships you&#;re just supposed to know, or it&#;s just supposed to work, or, if you really love someone, you&#;ll figure it out.

LGBTQ couples might be more likely than straight, cisgender couples to talk about the assumptions that go into their relationships, but we&#;re not immune from going into relationships with assumptions.

No matter what your relationship structure is, whether it&#;s open or polyamorous or monogamous, you&#;re going to benefit from getting clear on what it is that you want, need, and how you plan on moving forward in your relationship together.

Even in monogamous relationships, these assumptions are always there and it&#;s gonna be more helpful to you if you get clear on them and deal with them sooner rather than later.

Hopefully, when you&#;re dating non-monogamously, there&#;s an invitation for you to build a relationship that is exactly what is right for you because you deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

Okay, have you dated someone who was open or polyamorous? What did you learn, and do you have any other tips to share with us? Let us know in the comments over on YouTube so that we can all learn together and figure this out.

Want to get those each week (plus some occasional, more private thoughts on sex & relationships)? I’d love to keep in touch. Drop your email address below and I’ll keep you in the loop!

P.S. hit reply to any email from me to start a conversation!

I never thought of myself as the kind of person who could be in an open relationship.

The way I love has always been passionate and all-consuming—I give myself over to someone entirely, and I expect the same from them. When I'm into someone, I can't bear to even consider sleeping with anyone else, and finding out my partner doesn't feel the same way has been horrifying in the past.

The men I've dated weren't cheaters, but they loved flirting with other women, which means much of my romantic history has been filled with frantically scrolling through text messages at 3 a.m. Finding one in which they called another woman "gorgeous" made my heart sink into my stomach, and watching them flirt with someone better-looking than me made me feel like an old sack of potatoes. It was never enough for me to be beautiful and loved. I had to be the most beautiful and the most loved. I had to be the only one.

So when Sam—a man I befriended more than a year ago—told me flat-out that he was in an open marriage and would like to have an "affair" with me, I laughed and turned him down.

I was certainly attracted to Sam, but I knew I couldn't handle sharing someone's husband. Still, we lived close to one another, so we began meeting up on park benches and having long conversations about the complexity of love and marriage. As my interest in him grew, so did my intrigue in the arrangement he had proposed.

I began reading a book called Untrue by cultural anthropologist Wednesday Martin that challenges the long held belief that we are all monogamous by nature. Martin argues that, contrary to popular opinion, women often get bored with monogamy even faster than men.

I found myself fascinated with the idea that non-monogamy could be liberating rather than soul-destroying. When I considered how I felt whenever I got jealous, I realized that a lot of it stemmed from insecurity rather than love. If I didn't take a boyfriend's flirting to mean anything about me or our relationship, there would have been nothing to be jealous about.

I decided to have a conversation with a friend of mine who had been polyamorous for many years, something I'd long struggled to understand. "If you want all the security of a relationship and the fun of sleeping with whoever you want, it seems like you're trying to have your cake and eat it too," I told him. "You can't just do whatever you want without taking into account how it'll hurt the person you love."

"The goal isn't to do whatever you want," he said. "With my ex-girlfriend, I didn't even sleep with other women because I didn't have the time, but she did and I was OK with that. Because the goal is to have unconditional love, to get to a place where you love someone so selflessly that your reaction to them being with someone else is to be happy for them as opposed to jealous."

"That's interesting," I thought. I had never considered the idea that being polyamorous could be selfless as opposed to selfish.

One night shortly after that, my dog's stomach was upset and he woke me up four times in the middle of the night begging to go outside. Afterwards, I was surprised to realize I hadn't been at all angry with him for making me go outside in the middle of the polar vortex—all I cared about was that he was OK. "Huh," I thought, "I don't know if I've ever experienced a love like this before. I can't think of a single instance in which I put the needs of someone else above my own."

I wondered if that, in a weird way, was the kind of selfless love my friend was talking about. And I wondered if I could translate that to my other—read: human—relationships. Could I give as much as I do without demanding that the other person did the exact same thing in return? Could I consider someone else's feelings without immediately making them about me? Could I love someone just to love them?

A few weeks later, I went back to Sam and told him I was willing to give it a go—with one condition: "I want your wife's permission and I want to hear it from her," I said. "OK," he answered breezily.

He immediately took me to his apartment. When his wife answered the door, he introduced me as "the woman he'd been telling her about." She offered me some wine. We sat and talked about politics for a while, but when she and I were alone together, I had to ask her, "How are you OK with this?"

"Honey," she answered, smiling and taking another sip of wine, "when you've been married for 30 years, you'll understand." For her, commitment from Sam wasn't about not sleeping with other people—not anymore. It was about him being a good father to their children, coming home when he said he would, and not forgetting to pick up milk on the way—all of which he was apparently very good at.

When I got up to leave, Sam told her he was going to walk me home. "No, no, you don't need to do that—it's only a few blocks away," I sputtered, panicking that it would upset her in spite of what she previously said. She put her hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. "Let him walk you home," she said. Then she looked at him and said, "And don't rush back."

Ever since that night, I decided to be on Sam's wife's team. I wasn't going to treat her as competition. I wasn't going to try and take him away from her in any way. I was going to give her control and take her feelings into account as well.

Sam and I have been seeing each other for a few months now and, so far, it's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. He's kind, generous, dependable, and considerate—and he actually encourages me to see other men because we both know that marriage isn't in the cards for us and he doesn't want to "waste my time."

I'm always surprised by how fine I feel about him having to cancel plans because something came up with his daughter, or by the fact that he can't stay over because he needs to go home to tuck her into bed. I respect that his priority is his family, and it doesn't feel like it diminishes how he feels about me in any way.

One night, Sam came over late and started complaining about what a nag his wife was and what a relief it was to see me. I shut him down immediately. "I am not the person you go to to complain about your wife," I said. "I'm not interested in having you compare me to her. If you and I were married for three decades, I'm sure we'd annoy one another too. She's actually letting you sleep with someone else and you should be grateful for that."

I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, but I had made a decision as to how I was going to handle this arrangement and I felt proud for sticking to it. Because, for me, being in a relationship isn't just about finding the "right" person anymore; it's about being the person that I want to be in that relationship.

Sam's wife has said that our "affair" has actually had a positive impact on their marriage. Apparently, he's always in a good mood and she feels appreciated in a way she didn't before. According to her, your husband can be faithful and you can feel invisible, and he can be unfaithful and you can feel seen.

I can't promise what the future will hold for me and Sam. Maybe the whole thing will fall apart or get ugly. But in the moment, I feel like one of the reasons it works is because it is open in every sense of the word. Everyone is reasonably upfront and honest about how they feel; it's cheating, yes, but it isn't deception.

When I talk to my friends whose marriages fell apart because of affairs, they always say, "It's not the cheating that bothers me, it's the lie." The thing they tend to repeat over and over again is, "I really didn't think he/she was the kind of person that would do that." The sex really isn't the problem; what haunts them is the feeling that the person they were in love with was essentially an alovex.co0fcc31aefd3aebb1ffcb

I still believe I would be absolutely furious if I were committed to someone who didn't reveal that they were in another relationship—or worse yet, married. But that wouldn't be because of the sex; it would be because of the deception.

Friends who know about my current situation often ask me if I'm worried that I'm going to end up wanting "more." Frankly, I don't think I will, because one of the things I've realized about myself is that I get into relationships for intensity, not longevity, so I'm perfectly happy with knowing that this is a transient affair.

People are also curious about whether or not I think being in an open relationship is "the way to go." And they're shocked to hear that in my opinion, it isn't. Polyamory and monogamy both have their pros and cons. I just think that any kind of relationship can work, as long as you are honest with both yourself and others about who you really are.

And for more first-person relationship tales, check out My Spouse Cheated. Here's Why I Didn't Leave.

To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram! 

Diana Bruk

Diana is a senior editor who writes about sex and relationships, modern dating trends, and health and wellness. Read more

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Thanks to celebrities like the Smith family, Bella Thorne and Shailene Woodley, more people know about polyamory, throuples, open relationships and ethical non-monogamy than ever before. A once-closeted expression of dating a guy with a open relationship is now out in the open – and once taboo relationship structures have opened up to people who disagree with traditional attitudes towards monogamy.

However, the growing conversation around open dating a guy with a open relationship, especially in high profile pairings like Will and Jada, tends to focus more on the couples themselves – but what about the people they are dating and forming relationships with outside of their socially recognised and validated partnerships?

Who are the unicorns? Who are the thirds? How do we navigate these new dating realities when we develop feelings for individuals who already have a partner (or two)? For many people, this line of thought brings up question after question but, after a recent experience of my own, I’m set on finding answers.

Last year, I was involved in a situationship with a man, let’s call him Jason*, in an open relationship. The title of “third” or “unicorn” was not something I had a right to – and that’s because I walked into the fringes of someone else’s open relationship, not having the first clue what I was getting myself involved in.

The rules with Jason were simple: “low-aggro and don’t catch feelings because my partner will always come first.” I thought that was fair, and I wasn’t exactly looking to get into a relationship with someone already spoken for. In fact, at this stage, I was pretty much on the same page as Jason: looking for fun and an antidote to the mess and stress of conventional dating. Where is the harm in that? Well, playing out like any early s rom-com, I can tell you that this arrangement worked for a while before the inevitable happened: I caught feelings. Surprise!

During the whole experience, I tried to keep it business as usual, seeing other people to avoid the tragic fate of my life turning into an unrequited love story. But the truth was, unlike in other types of polyamorous dating, where honest communication is encouraged, dating a guy with a open relationship, dating this individual left me without any bargaining power and made me feel like I couldn’t speak up for myself for fear of being perceived as too immature to deal with what I signed up for.

It was particularly difficult because, dating a guy with a open relationship, at least in the eyes of the guy I was with, I had no rights to these feelings of sadness, anger or upset because I wasn’t supposed to have them in the first place. I was made to feel disposable, cut off and disregarded like my feelings were completely irrelevant. Regardless of whether I willingly entered this situationship or not, that is a difficult position to be in.

My situation with Jason made me wonder if I’d ever consider dating someone in an open relationship again. From the little I did know, truly open relationships, ethical non-monogamy and poly relationships are supposed to be based on trust, openness and most of all respect – and that extends to casual dating as well as committed relationships. I knew that the kind of situationship I was involved in wasn’t representative of the community as a whole.

In search of answers about the realities of responsible and ethical non-monogamous (ENM) dating, I reached out to Ana Kirova. The CEO of Feeld, a queer and non-monogamous dating app, and a polyamorous person herself, dating a guy with a open relationship, she’s just the kind of expert needed to guide any newbies through the ins-and-outs of dating someone in an open relationship. Want to know more? Keep reading…

Expert advice on dating someone in an open relationship

Q. First thing’s first: how do I know that dating someone in an open relationship is right for me when I’ve only dated monogamous people before?

There’s no straightforward response to that question – but after some self-education and soul-searching the answer might be a lot more clear. “Researching and expanding your understanding of open relationships can be really helpful to start giving definitions to what you might be missing in your current relationship. Books, blogs and podcasts can empower you to understand ethical non-monogamy and help you make an informed decision before entering a new relationship structure,” Kirova explains.

Finding community through apps an also be a great learning tool, she says.“Connecting with a community is another great way to learn about ENM and to feel less isolated in your exploration. Many people join Feeld to meet others who have already explored different relationship structures.”

And as Kirova emphasises, sometimes the healthiest thing is to be honest with yourself about what you don’t want. “As with exploring any desire, it’s totally free dating services to go at a pace you’re comfortable with and to be open and honest with yourself and your partner(s). Be open minded and reflect on how you’re feeling – finding out ENM isn’t for you is an equally valid and empowering choice. Exploring is a practice on its own, so be patient and open with yourself.”

Q. I took the plunge and started casually dating someone who’s currently in an open relationship. What should I do if I start developing feelings for them?

Okay, this can be a sticky one! But as Kirova recommends, honesty and direct communication are the way forward.

“Be honest with that person and share how you feel. If the person you are dating feels happy in an open relationship, reflect on your own feelings and desires and whether you are willing to accept them and their preferred relationship structure,” Kirova explains. “It’s a good idea to research ENM and the different types of open relationship structures, dating a guy with a open relationship. It helps give things a name which allows for more confidence and clarity when you’re reflecting on them.”

But you also need to be having these kinds of discussions with yourself. “Be very honest with yourself and your desires, reflect on what is your preferred relationship structure and how far you are happy to negotiate if you are willing to negotiate at all,” Kirova says. “Something I really want to emphasise is that it’s okay to not want an open relationship or another ENM arrangement, wanting commitment within a monogamous structure is a valid and authentic choice, as long as you are clear with yourself that this is what you want.”

And ultimately, if these preferences don’t align, it may be a case of understanding that it’s best to break things off. “While you are being true to yourself and honest with your partner, dating a guy with a open relationship, be prepared that it may be the case that both of you need different things from a relationship and will need to part ways. And that is okay too.”

Q. I’m new to all this and don’t know a lot about navigating the non-monogamous dating world. Are there any red flags I need to be aware of in potential partners?

To begin, it’s good to have in mind that there’s no one “right” way to do ethical non-monogamy. “There are numerous ways of practising ENM, which can include a don’t-ask-don’t-tell relationship. However, it is essential that everyone has consented to the structure and boundaries of the relationship,” Kirova explains. “Like with monogamous relationships, ENM people can be unfaithful if they break the agreed relationship structure and disrespect their partners.”

There’s also a lot of lessons from the wider dating world that can apply to polyamorous situations. “The red flags are likely to be similar to people in monogamous relationships,” Kirova says. “If your partner stops communicating with you in the way that you need and is putting their desires before your needs then it is important you consider whether you are still happy in that relationship.”

And as always, open dialogue and equality are paramount within non-monogamous relationships. “If you begin to feel that your partner is making decisions for you and not discussing these openly and honestly with you to gain your consent then this undermines trust which is essential for any relationship structure including ENM,” says Kirova.

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Curious about hooking up with others while maintaining your current romantic relationship? Say no more

We all know that dating can feel like a minefield. Dating sites and sex apps which are supposed to make it easier can, if anything, make things more complex. You might wonder why anyone would want to make it even more complicated by adding extra people into the mix &#; but among twenty- and thirty-somethings, the practice of polyamory, also known as an open relationship or ethical non-monogamy, is becoming increasingly popular.

On the face of it, you can see why. Being able to have a loving and committed relationship with someone, whilst still enjoying the flirting and the nervous butterflies that come from a evangelical dating site relationship, it sounds like the best of both worlds.

But it&#;s a little more complicated than that &#; as Laurie* explains, who&#;s been there, done that. Here, she shares what being in an open relationship is really like, plus details the most important lessons she learnt while being in one.

Don&#;t miss our guides to sex advice, how to masturbate, and how to talk to your partner about a fetish, while you&#;re here.

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&#;I was in an open relationship for four years &#; here&#;s what I learnt&#; 

What is an open relationship? 

&#;I was in an open relationship for four years before meeting my current partner and deciding to be monogamous. For a while, I loved it.&#;

An open relationship simply means maintaining your current relationship while dating and having sexual relations with other people.

&#;My relationship became longer term and more domestic while I got to date and even sleep with other guys.&#;

&#;In some ways, it was brilliant.  I was at university in the States and my boyfriend was back in London, which, if we&#;d been monogamous, might have been difficult. While most relationships that pre-date university don&#;t survive it, ours worked pretty well, on the basis that I could go out and have fun with my friends without feeling guilty if the dancing got a bit research paper dating apps influence or I indulged a drunken kiss.&#;

&#;The open nature of the relationship lent itself to us giving each other space and being allowed to get on with our lives.&#;

Professor of psychology David Barash from the University of Washington shares that the exact definition of an open relationship differs from person-to-person, relationship-to-relationship. &#;There are a wide variety of open-relationship models out there which can vary drastically from one couple to another,&#; he shares.

&#;Having an open relationship can work really well for some people but not for others &#; as people, we&#;re also inclined to be sexually jealous of a partner being with someone articles on online dating. From a biological standpoint, we&#;re resistant to that partner having another relationship,&#; he continues.

Dr Barash&#;s words about jealousy sounded pretty familiar to Laurie. &#;When you&#;re non-monogamous, the first thing people ask you is always about jealousy, and I get it, dating a guy with a open relationship. When you&#;re used to the idea that the person you&#;re dating is only supposed to have eyes for you, it&#;s hard to understand that you could be okay with it.&#;

&#;The reality is that yes, of course you get jealous. Being open doesn&#;t mean you&#;ve had the envy chip removed.&#;

&#;It just means that you&#;ve decided jealousy, anger and sadness are all part of a normal emotional range. After all, people in monogamous relationships get jealous too. It&#;s not about feeling it or not feeling it, it&#;s about how you process it. In an open relationship, you&#;re encouraged to communicate with your partner about your jealousy and discuss what&#;s causing it. When it works, the process can leave you feeling closer than ever.&#;

So why did I end up ditching polyamory for monogamy?

&#;For all the good stuff, there are some pretty hefty downsides to an open relationship, namely that when you involve more people in something you make it a lot more complicated.&#;

&#;Everyone has their wants and needs, and when the relationship is bigger those wants and needs increase. That can mean that sometimes you don&#;t get your needs met.&#;

&#;Then there&#;s the issue of priority. Who are you supposed to put first? My ex was married, so it was pretty clear cut. His wife was equally committed to an open relationship (and had a boyfriend of her own) but she came first, because they&#;d committed their lives to each other.&#;

&#;The pay-off for having my own life and university and being able to sleep with whoever I wanted, was that I couldn&#;t demand my boyfriend&#;s time or attention. It had to be scheduled in, and unless it was an emergency, I had to fit in around everyone else.&#;

&#;For some people, particularly people who have multiple partners or a demanding career, the &#;part time&#; nature of open dating can be advantageous, but if you&#;re someone who &#; like me &#; values constant communication and contact, it&#;s really hard.  So when it came to settling down with my other half, we felt that we would rather focus exclusively on each other.&#;

&#;Of course, open relationships are just like any other relationship: sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn&#;t.&#;

&#;I&#;m pretty sure that it&#;s actually more about the people involved than the structure of the relationship itself. Whether you think non monogamy is a great idea, or your worst nightmare, the fact that different relationship type and structures are becoming socially acceptable has got to be a good thing &#; it means you&#;ve got the option when you&#;re first seeing someone free tg dating discuss how you&#;d like things to work, rather than sleepwalking into a certain type of relationship.&#;

There are many different types of relationships, and if you’re currently in one that’s committed and monogamous, you may have questions about how to proceed if dating a guy with a open relationship partner wants an open relationship.

To better understand, process, and proceed, it’s important to know what an open relationship actually entails. Both polyamory expert Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D., and sex therapist Isadora Alman define an open relationship as one in which partners are free to engage in sexual, emotional, and/or romantic endeavors with other people outside the relationship. Init was estimated that 4–5 percent of North Americans were involved in a consensual nonmonogamous relationship. Although nonmonogamy remains widely stigmatized in its social perception, a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that partners in open relationships are equally as satisfied and happy as those in monogamous relationships.

If nonmonogamy is a new concept to you, your head might be spinning. Spend some time reflecting on your romantic goals and what you want out of your relationship. Being honest with yourself and your partner could save you time and heartache in the future, or open the door to a how early in dating to say beauty level of fulfillment. With this in mind, if your partner is pushing for an open relationship, it’s up to you to decide if you’re comfortable with it or if you should close the door on your time with this person.

Read on to determine if an open relationship is the right kind of relationship for you.

Know Your Partner's Reasons

If your partner wants to have an open relationship, they should clearly explain the reasons why this is the case. Perhaps they've failed at monogamy in the past and would rather be upfront and open about their endeavors rather than having to sneak around. Or perhaps they feel as though their needs aren’t dating a guy with a open relationship being met and want to look outside your relationship to fulfill these desires.

"Most often, one of the two is simply feeling confined," says Alman. "Sex within the couple is dull; one is not getting his or her needs met, not only for variety but perhaps for a certain predilection the partner won’t indulge." Once you fully understand why your partner is interested in having an open relationship in the first place, you can make a more informed decision regarding if, or how, to continue.

Understand Open Relationships Versus Cheating

An open relationship is distinctly different from cheating in that there is no secrecy, dishonesty, or subversion. By definition, an open relationship requires a consensual agreement by both partners to engage in relations with people outside the primary relationship.

Evaluate Your Interest in Being With Other People

Upon hearing your partner’s reasons for wanting an open relationship, it’s important to ask yourself if you also feel as though you’d like to pursue other options outside of your current relationship. If the answer is “yes,” then an open relationship may be something worth trying, especially since you and your partner can both be with other people while being totally open and honest with one another.

But Sheff shares a word of warning: "When one person has agreed to consensual nonmonogamy under duress—either they have been bullied or badgered until they give in, or they feel like they can’t say 'no' but really do not want to be in an open relationship—the challenges become far more intense than they would be if everyone involved was truly consenting."

Weigh the Possibility of One-Sided Monogamy

If you’re not interested in being with other people, ask yourself if you’d be okay with your partner going outside of your relationship while you remain monogamous. "That is where one wants or expects a monogamous relationship, is happy within those bonds, and the other partner isn’t," explains Alman. "If some sort of settlement can be negotiated—only casual outside sex and no love affairs or only when out of town, etc.—there can be a truce."

Keep in mind that there are open relationships where this is the case, and you have to be honest with yourself if this is something that you’d be able to handle, dating a guy with a open relationship. If you’re someone who tends to get jealous, then having to share your partner with others may not be the best choice for you.

Assess the Pros of an Open Relationship

Open relationships allow people to open up to new experiences and satisfy any curiosities they may wish to explore without sacrificing the bond of the primary relationship. A consistent sense of novelty, increased opportunities for connection, chances to try different fantasies, and introductions to desires they hadn't considered are all possible with open relationships. They can also be a positive alternative for partners that want to explore their sexualities, lack sexual compatibility, or experience arousal from their partner engaging in sexual acts with others.

Be Aware of the Cons of an Open Relationship

The negative aspects of an open relationship mainly arise from pre-existing issues in the primary relationship. If partners enter an open relationship without truly being comfortable with the arrangement, they will dating a guy with a open relationship likely end up being dissatisfied with the relationship. Similarly, if partners aren't fully honest with themselves or each other and fail to adequately communicate expectations and boundaries, the arrangement could deteriorate quickly. Most importantly, if the reason for entering an open relationship is a desperate Hail Mary attempt to fix an already-unstable relationship, those efforts may be in vain.

Consider the State online free dating sites in asia Your Current Relationship

If you're considering an open relationship, it’s critical that the relationship you have with one another at this very moment is strong. Many people mistakenly believe that opening up a relationship can be beneficial if they’re dating a guy with a open relationship facing challenges as a couple, but, again, a rocky relationship will likely crumble.

As Sheff puts it, "Given the complexity of negotiating and maintaining consensual nonmonogamous relationships, it is not a surprise that choosing it as a strategy to mend a damaged relationship generally does not end well." An open relationship isn’t a quick-fix or guaranteed remedy for a relationship that’s failing, so it shouldn’t be used as a crutch for an already broken connection. 

Set Rules and Boundaries

As in all relationships, honesty and open communication are necessary for success. Evaluate your personal expectations and needs with yourself first, and then have a conversation with your partner to set boundaries to protect those needs. These can include things like how much information should be disclosed about secondary relationships, sexual risk management (use of protection, getting tested for STDs, etc.), and allocation of time spent between secondary (or tertiary) partners and you. For example, you may need a certain amount of one-on-one time with your partner, block off special dates, or ensure that they aren't communicating with secondary partners when you are together. "There are as many possible outcomes to an open/closed relationship as there are rules and agreements around one," points out Alman.

Be careful of rules surrounding emotions. While it may feel safer to have a hard stop on developing romantic feelings for someone else, emotions can be difficult to control. Have regular check-ins to ensure that both parties are satisfied with the agreements, which can always be renegotiated if necessary.

Decide If This Is a Deal-Breaker

In the end, it’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with having an open relationship. And while you may love your partner very much and care about them with all of your heart, you have to think about your own wants and needs when making this important decision.

If you're not totally comfortable saying "yes" to an open relationship but you're also not quite ready to call it quits, Sheff floats an alternative idea: "When couples consider shifting from monogamy to consensual nonmonogamy and find it challenging, seeking some assistance from a professional counselor, therapist, or coach can help them to consider and negotiate alternatives."

Remember, you get to determine the kind of relationship that you have. If monogamy is a requirement for you, then you should find someone else who shares this requirement as well—just as your partner should find someone who’s totally on board with an open relationship. 

What Is the Difference Between Polyamory and Polygamy?

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