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Dating attitudes and expectations among young Chinese adults: an examination of gender differences

The Journal of Chinese Sociologyvolume 3, Article number: 12 (2016) Cite this article

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Abstract

While researchers have long examined the dating and mate selection patterns among young adults, the vast majority have utilized Western samples. In order to further our understanding of the changing nature of dating behaviors and attitudes, this study examines a sample of young Chinese adults and focuses upon the gender differences therein. Using a foundation of social exchange theory, the analyses illustrate the differences between the dating attitudes and expectations of Chinese women and men. Per traditional expectations, both sexes place a low priority on sexual behaviors, yet more progressive attitudes and behaviors are also evident. Women, in particular, appear to be more focused on pragmatic qualities in prospective partners. The influence of individualist values and the changing cultural norms pertaining to dating and familial roles are discussed.

Dating and romantic relationships are a normal, yet essential, part of life during the adolescent and early adult years. Beyond the basic desires which most individuals experience during this time, researchers have noted the relative significance of dating, not only for individuals but also for societies. The initiation and maintenance of intimate, romantic relationships have been linked with improved physical and emotional well-being, stronger perceptions of community attachment, and better developmental outcomes for the individuals (e.g., Amato 2010; Braithwaite et al. 2010; Proulx et al. 2007). During adolescence and the early adult years, dating enhances identity formation for individuals and provides socialization experiences which are necessary to forming and maintaining intimate and interpersonal relationships in life (Chen et al. 2009). Although researchers have directed their efforts toward a better understanding of the dynamics of dating and partner selection, focusing upon the influence of such elements as the family environment (e.g., parental divorce, parental marital quality, parent-child relationships), peer relationships, and community factors (Bryant and Conger 2002; Cui and Fincham 2010; Yoshida and Busby 2012), the majority of studies focusing upon dating and romantic relationships have utilized samples of Western youth.

In China, marriage and family life continues to be a central element within Chinese culture, with adolescents and young adults typically assuming that they will eventually find a partner. What is lacking, however, is a broader understanding of how contemporary Chinese youth view dating and intimate relationships. Researchers have noted this shortcoming and have called for greater empirical examination of partner selection in contemporary urban China (Xu et al. 2000) and particularly the attitudinal and expectational dimensions of dating (Hu and Scott 2016) and how these might vary by gender (Shek 2006). The present study will seek to address these calls for empirical study by using a sample of Chinese college students to examine the nature of attitudes and expectations concerning dating among young adults in contemporary China. The analyses which follow will attempt to more accurately discern the nature of such attitudes and expectations, as well as differences which may exist between females and males.

Dating and relationships

From a generational perspective, dating and romantic relationships in China are regarded differently, as adolescents and young adults may have more progressive beliefs, as compared to their parents. Researchers have noted that Chinese parents tend to oppose adolescent dating (Chen et al. 2009), perhaps due to their more traditional perspectives. While there is no clear definition of what is an appropriate age for individuals to begin dating, those who begin dating at early ages will typically have to cope with the opposition of parents (Wu 1996). Nonetheless, there is widespread acceptance that dating is becoming increasingly popular among Chinese youth (Tang and Zuo 2000).

Among Chinese college students, in particular, dating has quickly elevated in popularity (Yang 2011). Even the behaviors within dating appear to be rapidly changing over time. Behaviors such as holding hands and kissing in public, which may been somewhat taboo only a few decades ago, in China, are now becoming increasingly commonplace (Xia and Zhou 2003; Yang 2011). For such populations, who are often away from the eyes of their parents, college life may present opportunities for not only dating but also sexual activity (Xia and Zhou 2003). Lei (2005) reports that over one third of college students in China had become sexually active while enrolled in school. While dating and sexual activity among Chinese college students have been previously noted by researchers (e.g., Xu 1994), comparatively less is known about the attitudes and expectations of youth concerning these behaviors. In regard to premarital sex, for example, some studies have reported that 86 % of respondents approve of it (see Tang and Zuo 2000), while other studies have noted that vast majority of men want their brides to be virgins at the time of marriage (Ji 1990).

Seemingly, contemporary Chinese college students may be adopting a perspective of dating and intimate relationships which focuses less on paths toward marriage and more on immediate pleasure and gratification (Yang 2011). Much of this may also related to institutional changes, as the interpersonal relationships of students have been somewhat suppressed by colleges and universities (Aresu 2009). Universities commonly attempt to discourage sexual activity among students through educational programs and policies (Aresu 2009). Nonetheless, a comparison of college students in 2001 and 2006 revealed that self-reported premarital sexual intercourse rates went from 16.9 to 32 %, respectively (Pan 2007). Not surprisingly, Chinese parents tend to strongly discourage their daughters and sons from becoming sexual active, and many are opposed to their children being involved in dating relationships, at all (Stevenson and Zusho 2002).

The social and cultural context of dating

Aspects of dating, such as appropriate behaviors within dating and the appropriate age at which to begin dating, are greatly influenced by the larger social context in which they occur (Chen et al. 2009). Similarly, researchers have noted that attitudes and expectations concerning dating and intimate relationships are also affected by the larger cultural context (Hynie et al. 2006; Sprecher et al. 1994; Yan 2003). But China’s cultural context goes back several thousands of years. It has a written language that has been in use for the longest continuous period of time in the world, and it has the oldest written history (Han 2008). Thus, in order to best understand and appreciate the social dynamics occurring in present day China, one should first examine some of the important long-standing traditions connected to its culture.

The traditional expectations concerning dating and marriage have a long history within Chinese culture and are based heavily upon ancestor worship and Confucian ideology. From this perspective, filial piety and the continuation of family lineage are of tremendous importance (Han 2008). Hence, marriage (as the end goal of intimate relationships) is absolutely necessary and particularly so for males (Liu et al. 2014). One of the enduring cultural traits is “xiao,” which, in the most basic sense, refers to filial piety. The Chinese character for “xiao” can visually be interpreted as a child with an old man on his back (Han 2008). The long-standing expectation of “xiao” is that children devote their lives, without question, to their parents and families. This involves, especially for sons, the care for parents in their elderly years (see Ho 1996). Understandably, this places great pressure upon unmarried sons to negotiate with his parents over the identification and selection of a suitable wife, who, in turn, will also provide assistance to his aging parents. For sons, in particular, “xiao” makes finding a spouse a priority and consequently makes dating take on a different quality.

China is typically regarded as a collectivistic culture, in which obligations to the greater society and social institutions (e.g., the family) are considered more important than individual traits and needs (Kwang 2001; Ting-Toomey et al. 1991). Within individualistic cultures, romantic love is regarded as essential to marital satisfaction and well-being (Dion and Dion 1988). Hence, individual choice within dating relationships and mate selection processes is more likely to occur within individualistic cultures. Collectivistic cultures prompt young adults to regard love and romantic relationships within the larger context of their familial and societal obligations (Yang 1968). This, then, may lead young adults within collectivistic cultures to emphasize the pragmatic functions of dating and eventual marriage, while having less concern with notions of “love” and “romance” (Hsu 1981).

Following the end of the reign of Mao Tse-tung, along with the collapse of the former USSR, a fairly rapid pace of social, political, and economic changes occurred in China (e.g., Croll 2006; Tang and Parish 2000; Wang 2004). The post-Mao Chinese government has steadily encouraged economic modernization and the development of economic practices based upon free market principles similar to those found in Westernized countries. Social policies, such as the notable “One-Child Policy,” have been relaxed over recent years (Denyer 2015), allowing for individuals to better seek mates who are compatible in terms of number of children they desire to procreate. Whereas Chinese culture once emphasized the role of family in the selection of partners, with a strong tendency toward arranged marriages (Yang 1968), young Chinese adults now have greater choice in such decisions (Xu 1994). When combined with other changes, such as higher rates of educational attainment for women (Li 1994; Wu and Zhang 2010) and increased sexual activity among young adults (Feng and Quanhe 1996), it is likely that both culture preferences and actual behaviors concerning dating and mate selection may be undergoing substantial changes in China, as well.

The economic changes have had a considerable effect upon traditional family structures and behaviors. The collectivist nature of Chinese culture has been altered by economic factors in several substantial ways (see Yang 2011). First, there has been a steady shift away from collectivism toward individualism, causing people to give priorities to their own needs, rather than those of their family or larger society. Second, traditional marital relationships, often formed as a matter of practicality, have diminished and been replaced by a preference for relationships based on romance and Western notions of love. Finally, Chinese women, by virtue of their increasing educational and occupational attainment, now have greater economic independence, thus lowering their need to secure a spouse as a way of ensuring financial security. Hence, the traditional combination of marriage, sex, and family, as upheld by long-standing Chinese cultural expectations, has become less influential, particularly in regard to serving as a foundation of dating and partner selection.

Younger cohorts, who have had greater exposure to increasing individualism and Western culture, may approach dating and mate selection in a different manner from the previous generation. However, these younger cohorts must also recognize the existence of long-standing norms, as filial obligation remains a very tangible value in Chinese culture (Chui and Hong 2006), and continues to bind children to their parents. Indeed, recent studies have suggested that dating (Kim 2005) and decisions within marriage, itself, are still strongly affected by Chinese parents (Pimentel 2000). Given the relative paucity of research on dating and intimate relationships within China, it is difficult to accurately discern how these changes may be affecting young adults’ dating behaviors. When combined with other changes, such as migration, urbanization, income growth, increased social inequality, consumer culture, mass media, the Internet, and personal communication devices, some qualitative research suggest that both attitudes and actual behaviors concerning dating and mate selection are undergoing change in at least one of China’s largest cities. Research in Taiwan suggests that young adults are shifting their perspectives on dating and romance, away from traditional expectations (see Chang and Chan 2007). Zhang and Kline (2009), using a sample from mainland China, found that many young adults found their partner on their own accord but still maintained a desire to satisfy their parents’ wishes. In contemporary China, it is quite likely that both traditional expectations and newer, more modern attitudes concerning dating and partner selection are present. Whether one set of expectations is more influential, or if there is a merger or evolution of new attitudes concerning dating and partner selection, remains to be seen.

Gender and dating

Among Chinese youth, attitudes and expectations concerning dating and intimate relationships will also likely vary between females and males. In terms of dating and partner preferences, researchers have noted a considerable difference between the sexes, with a substantial double standard still prevailing (Piotrowski et al. 2016). For men, the ideal quality in a woman is beauty, while for women, the ideal quality in a man is intelligence (Xia and Zhou 2003). Generally, Chinese women are expected to marry at an earlier age, while they are still at the peak of their physical appearance and capacity to bear children, whereas men are expected to marry at a later age, after they have achieved financial success (Piotrowski et al. 2016). Recent studies suggest that stereotyped perceptions of young men and women exist (Jankowiak and Li 2014). Men are more often regarded as serious, ambitious, stubborn, deceitful, independent, and powerful, while women are viewed as quiet, anxious, excitable, gentle, depressed, shy, and jealous (Jankowiak and Li 2014).

In order to more fully comprehend these gender differences within Chinese culture, a much longer historical context must be considered. Gender ideologies in China have long been founded upon the general belief that women are supposed to be submissive and secondary to men (Bloodworth 1973). With Confucian philosophy, women are expected to maintain the three rules of obedience: (1) obeying their fathers and brothers prior to marriage, (2) obeying their husbands within marriage, and (3) as a widow, obeying their adult sons (Chia et al. 1997; Yang 1968). This set of beliefs, while seemingly outdated in contemporary society, is nonetheless one which has a very long existence within the Chinese culture. Indeed, several studies have suggested that even in the face of modernization and the influence of Western culture, traditional gender attitudes may persist. Researchers have found that many Chinese adults maintain traditional beliefs concerning the division of household labor (Cook and Dong 2011) and the responsibilities of child care (Rosen 1992). Males are still generally assumed to occupy the provider role within the family (Chia et al. 1997).

The relative roles and status of Chinese females and males have been patriarchal in nature for many centuries, yet these long-standing differences may be changing. In terms of educational attainment, for example, women’s educational attainment rates, which had previously lagged far behind those of men, are now rising. Indeed, both in terms of enrollment and completion rates, women now exceed men in Chinese colleges and universities (Wu and Zhang 2010). Women’s employment, which has always been guaranteed within China, is on par with that of men. Higher levels of educational attainment, coupled with comparable employment and earnings levels, may lead Chinese women to maintain more egalitarian attitudes concerning gender and gender roles. How these gendered expectations affect contemporary dating attitudes and behaviors, though, is yet unknown.

While addressing gender-related issues which may affect the dating and mate selection patterns of young Chinese adults, it is equally necessary to address the sex ratio of the population, itself. One lasting effect of the one-child policy, when combined with the traditional preference for sons, is that the current adult population contains more males than females. Currently (based on 2010 census data), the sex ratio for the population of never-married individuals, 15 years of age and above, is 134.5 (Liu et al. 2014). Despite the recent changes to the one-child policy, the skewed sex ratio is expected to create a male marriage “squeeze” for at least a few more decades, thus making it difficult for the current adult male population to find a wife (Guilmoto 2012). It is quite likely that the sex ratio will have an impact, not only upon mate selection but also the preceding dating behaviors. South and Trent (2010) have noted that the sex ratio imbalance is associated with higher levels of premarital sex among Chinese women but is associated with lower levels of premarital sex among men.

Understanding gender differences in dating

Numerous perspectives have been offered as attempts to explain gender differences which have been identified within dating and intimate relationships. Buss and his colleagues (Buss et al. 1990; Buss 2003) have suggested that there is an evolutionary basis for such differences. Males, in this perspective, will seek females with greater physical attractiveness, youth, and chastity, while females will seek out males with greater resources (i.e., financial), intelligence, and ambition. Male preferences will be based upon their desire to obtain a suitable mating partner, for the purpose of bearing offspring, while female preferences will be based upon their desire for a provider/protector. Although this perspective has generated considerable debate, it does not readily address differences which may results from a specific cultural context.

Exchange theory may provide a foundation for better understanding the nature of dating and partner selection in China. Parrish and Farrer (2000) posit that gender roles within China have undergone considerable change, due to both micro-level mechanisms of bargaining (e.g., within couple’s relationships) and macro-level shifts in existing social institutions (e.g., educational and occupational institutions). Given the dramatic increases in both Chinese women’s educational attainment and greater occupational attainment, they now have greater status in many situations, specifically in regard to bargaining and decision-making within personal relationships (Gittings 2006; Guthrie 2008). From a historical perspective, the New Marriage Law of 1950 helped to set into motion a shift toward improved statuses for women, by legalizing gender equality and freedom of choice in both marriage and divorce. These improvements have, in turn, set the stage for a considerable shift away from more traditional forms of dating and mate selection and have also made the potential “Westernization” of ideologies surrounding romance and dating relationships even more likely (Hatfield and Rapson 2005).

The imbalanced sex ratio may also create an environment in which women have even greater influence, particularly in regard to dating and mate selection. Assuming a strong preference for marriage, exchange theory would again support the notion that women, as the smaller population, would have a decisive advantage. The dyadic power thesis (see Sprecher 1988) posits that, in this instance, the relative scarcity of women increases their dyadic power within relationships (see also Ellingson et al. 2004). Hence, women would not only have greater control over the selection of a partner but also wield greater decision-making power within the relationship. This perspective is supported by recent studies which show that Chinese women have become increasingly selective in the marriage market, preferring men with higher salaries, more prestigious occupations, and better living quarters (Liu 2005). Within the context of dating and intimate relationships, men with less social capital (e.g., educational attainment, income, desirable housing) may find it increasingly challenging to find a date, much less a spouse (see Peng 2004). Understandably, the cultural expectation held by Chinese men that women should be docile and tender may greatly complicate men’s search for a partner, as Chinese women’s greater selection power, coupled with changes in the broader culture of dating, may directly counter long-standing gendered expectations (see Parrish and Farrer 2000).

Research questions and hypotheses

Given China’s record setting leap into becoming a industrialized country in just a matter of decades on top of having a very ancient cultural history which serves as a source of pride, one would half expect China’s traditional culture to “stand strong like bamboo” or, at worse, perhaps bend a bit. On the other hand, one would expect something to give under such complete and rapid societal change. Young Chinese students should be the members of society who would be most willing to abandon traditional Chinese values and the associated behavioral processes which control dating (and marriage) and move toward adopting Western style patterns where familial relationships are forged out of affective individualism. Under this approach, marriages are based largely on love type feelings and the decision about whom to marry resides mostly with the individual. In an increasingly stratified society, the actors might feel most comfortable seeking out life partners who occupy similar positions within the social structure (i.e., education level, social class, occupational prestige, ethnicity). This process is called homogamy.

Hypothesis 1

The dating behavior of students should not be strongly influenced by parents who continue to hold a traditional perspective. In other words, elements of affective individualism should manifest themselves.

An adolescent youth subculture is on the rise in China, and hence, the influence of peers on the dating and courtship behaviors of individuals will increase and eventually become stronger than that of the family. In the power vacuum caused by the decline of parental influence, young people will most likely fill the void as the culture becomes less backward looking and more forward looking.

Hypothesis 2

Peers and the adolescent subculture, as opposed to parents, should exert a significant influence on the dating behavior of Chinese youth.

Chinese culture is thousands of years old. Thus, one should not expect the traditional, conservative, patriarchal Chinese values will completely disappear among present day Chinese youth and hence have no impact on dating relationships. Cultural rebels—male and female—will be present, exploring the uncharted cultural waters. However, cultural conformists who are reluctant to abandon family and tradition will maintain some degree of cultural continuity across time and generations.

Hypothesis 3

Since culture and gender relations are generally resistant to rapid change in society, centuries old traditional gender role attitudes should be found to continue to persist among significant numbers of Chinese youth.

To the extent that traditional values about dating and relationships impact the decision-making process, they may also be imbedded in the types of personal qualities that singles are looking for in their potential mates. If traditional values continue to exert an influence on thinking and behavior despite changes in the social context, then males and females will gravitate toward different criteria. Also, comparative research on partner preferences finds that preferences fall into three broad or seemingly universal categories: physical, practical, and personal. The extent to which these three categories are gendered is not addressed in the literature. However, we expect to find them operating in our study population and to be gendered.

Hypothesis 4

Patterns in partner preferences which have been found across societies should be present among Chinese youth, namely, concern about physical appearance, economic prospects, and kind or compassionate personality of future potential spouses.

In addition to the above broad hypotheses, we also expect older students and those who are religious to be slightly more conservative. Students who perform well academically might use that strength as a bargaining chip. Men could use it as an asset to be sold on the dating and marriage market while women could use it as a signifier of them possessing egalitarian values and seeking like-minded mates. It should be noted that in the USA, students who exhibit high levels of dating behavior in high school are less likely to be academic high achievers.

Data and methods

Data for this study were collected during the summer of 2015 at a large public university in Shanghai, China. A random sample of students were approached and asked to participate in a survey concerning dating and romantic relationships. Of those approached, 87 % agreed to participate and completed the survey. After tabulation of the responses, 17 cases were eliminated due to incomplete responses, resulting in a sample of 341 students (191 females and 150 males). The students ranged in age from 18 to 22 and were all currently enrolled at the university. All of the students in the sample were single and never married. Among females, 44.5 % described themselves as “currently dating someone,” while 54.0 % of males described themselves as likewise.

A variety of questions were used to assess respondents’ attitudes, preferences, and aspirations concerning dating and intimate relationships. In regard to dating, respondents were asked to respond to the statement, “I would like to date more frequently than I do now.” Responses ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5). Participants were also queried concerning their willingness to either kiss or have sex on a first date. Respondents were offered the statements: (1) “I would be willing to kiss on a first date” and (2) I would be willing to have sex on a first date.” Responses again ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5). Together, these items provide a broad range of assessment concerning dating and intimate relationships.

Respondents were also asked about a variety of family and individual characteristics. In terms of their parents, participants were asked about the educational attainment of their mothers and fathers. The higher of the two (when two parents were present) was then included as a measure of the highest parental education, with responses including “eighth grade or less” (1), “beyond the eighth grade but did not complete high school” (2), “high school degree” (3), “attended college but did not finish degree” (4), “four-year college degree” (5), and “graduate or professional degree” (6). Maternal employment was also assessed, with respondents being queried about whether their mother was employed for pay outside the home (yes = 1, no = 0). Since the familial context is likely to influence both dating and marriage patterns among young adults, participants were asked: “For most of the time when you were growing up, did you think your parents’ marriage was not too happy (1), just about average (2), happier than average (3), or very happy (4).” Since western culture could potentially affect dating and marriage patterns among Chinese young adults, the respondents were also queried as to whether English was spoken in their homes (1 = yes, 0 = no). In regard to parental influence, participants were offered the following statement: “I would be willing to date someone of whom my parents/family did not approve.” Responses ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5).

Individual characteristics were also examined within the survey. Respondents were asked to provide their age and sex but were also asked a variety of other questions related to their own traits. Respondents were asked how often they attended religious services, with responses ranging from “do not attend” (1) to “once or more per week” (6). A basic measure of self-esteem was included, using responses to the statement: “On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.” Responses ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5). In regard to attitudes, respondents were asked about their beliefs concerning gender roles within the family context. The statements used in creating an index of gender attitudes included the following: (1) it is much better for everyone if the man earns the main living and the woman takes care of the home and family, 2) both husbands and wives should contribute to family income, 3) a husband should spend just as many hours doing housework as his wife, and 4) the spouse who earns the most money should have the most say in family decisions. Responses to each of these statements ranged from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree.” After inverting the coding schemes, the resultant combined measure of gender attitudes ranged across a five-point scale, with a higher score indicating more conservative/traditional gender role attitudes (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.89). Respondents were similarly asked about their pro-natalist attitudes by being asked to respond to the statement: “a person can have a fully satisfying life without having children.” Responses ranged from “strongly agree” (1) to “strongly disagree” (5). A measure of school performance was also included, with respondents describing their overall grade performance. Responses ranged from “less than D’s” (1) to “mostly A’s” (8).

Given the complex nature of dating and dating relationships, multiple measures were utilized in these analyses. In regard to dating experiences, respondents were asked “thinking back about all of the dating experiences you’ve had, how long was the longest romantic relationship you have had?” Responses to this item ranged from “less than a week” (1) to “more than a year” (9). A measure of respondents’ willingness to date outside of their own social groups was included through the combination of responses to three different questions. Respondents were asked if, in terms of dating partners, they would be willing to date someone from (1) a different religion, (2) a different race or ethnicity, and (3) a different country. The responses to each item ranged from “yes,” “no,” and “maybe.” Affirmative responses (“yes”) to each were then combined to create a measure of desired heterogamy (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.87), with a range of 0 to 3. Participants were asked how many of their close friends were currently dating or in a romantic relationship. Responses to this question ranged from “only a few or none of them” (1) to “all or almost all of them” (5). Participants were subsequently asked about the specific characteristics which they are looking for in a partner. Respondents were asked to indicate their preference for particular traits by stating whether each quality was “not at all important” (1) to “extremely important” (7). Of the particular traits which were queried, some were used to create indexed measures of a broader set of characteristics. The first of these, pragmatic, is created through the combination of four traits: well educated, wealthy, successful, and ambitious (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.90). The second, caring, is created through the combination of the following four traits: affectionate, loving, considerate, and kind (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.86). The third, appearance, is created from the combination of four traits: sexy, neat, attractive, and well dressed (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.87). Together, these three measures provide a broader assessment of qualities which the respondents might desire in a potential partner.

Results

Table 1 presents the mean levels of dating and marriage characteristics among young Chinese adults, by sex. As shown, an overwhelming majority of both young women and men would prefer to date more frequently. Approximately 66 % of women and 71 % of men expressed the desire to date more often. Given the age of participants in the sample, this is to be expected. In terms of dating behaviors, however, significant differences are shown between the two sexes. Respondents were queried about their willingness to kiss on a first date. Here, significantly more men, as compared to women, stated that they would be willing to kiss on a first date. It should be noted, nonetheless, that approximately 39 % of Chinese women and 42 % of men did not express a willingness to kiss on a first date. This finding would appear to suggest the more traditional Chinese cultural expectations pertaining to dating are still influencing dating attitudes and behaviors among contemporary young adults. This possibility is further enforced by the responses shown in regard to participants’ willingness to have sex on a first date. Although young Chinese men are shown to be significantly more willing to have sex on a first date, as compared to young women, almost two thirds of the women and more than a third of the men stated that they would not do so. Hence, while young men may be significantly more likely to be willing to kiss and/or have sex on a first date, as compared to women, it would appear that many, if not most, young men still adhere to a more traditional or conservative approach to dating.

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Table 2 presents the mean levels of family and individual characteristics among young Chinese adults, by sex. As shown, the parents of both young women and men were reported to have a relatively high level of educational attainment, with the typical parent having at least some college. Among women, approximately 83 % reported that their mother was employed outside the home, while the corresponding employment rate among men’s mothers was 77 %. Both young women and men reported that their parents had relatively high marital quality. Assuming that these responses are reliable, it would suggest that most young Chinese adults have had positive role models concerning spousal roles and relationships. English was spoken only in a small percentage of homes (13 % of women’s families and 14 % of men’s). Familial influence appears to be slightly less influential among young men, as significantly more reported that they would be willing to date someone without their parents’ approval, as compared to women. This finding is somewhat intriguing, as given the patriarchal nature of Chinese culture, one might anticipate parents being more cautious and involved in the dating behaviors of their sons, as compared to daughters.

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Men in the sample were shown to be slightly older than the women (20.69 versus 20.31 years of age, respectively). In regard to religiosity, most respondents reported participating in religious activities only a few times each year. Self-esteem levels reported by the respondents were moderately high, with no significant differences shown between women and men. Neither sex appeared to be overly anxious to become parents, as their relative responses to the query concerning pro-natalist attitudes was somewhat low. This is not entirely unanticipated, as one would tend to believe that college students do not place parenthood high among their priorities at their age. It is worth noting that young men do espouse significantly more conservative attitudes concerning gender and gender roles within the family, in particular. Again, given the more patriarchal nature of Chinese culture, this is to be expected.

In terms of dating, young men reported having had longer relationships in the past, as compared to young women. In order to put this in context, however, it should be noted that the men’s longest relationships, on average, had lasted only a few months. Approximately half of the friends of both women and men were reported to be currently dating. Hence, there is a potential for considerable peer pressure, in regard to dating behaviors. In regard to potential dating partners, young Chinese women and men appear to be only marginally willing to consider partners from outside their own social groups (i.e., religion, race/ethnicity, and nationality). This may be a reflection of the lack of diversity within China and certainly as compared to countries with more diverse populations.

Table 3 presents the mean levels of desired partner characteristics, as presented for females and males. In terms of specific partner characteristics, young women expressed a significantly higher preference for pragmatic qualities, as compared to men (4.90 versus 4.33, respectively). Across all four of the components, females’ preferences in a male partner where significantly higher than those of their male counterparts. Females expressed a significantly higher preference for a male partner who is well educated, wealthy, successful, and ambitious. While not statistically significant, women also expressed a slightly higher preference for caring qualities. It is necessary to note, however, that females did express a significantly greater preference for a male partner who was kind, as compared to their male counterparts’ same preference in a female partner. In regard to appearance, while men expressed a slightly higher preference for appearance qualities, as compared to women, the difference was not significantly different, overall. Men did express a significantly higher preference for a female partner who is “sexy,” as compared to the preferences expressed by women for the same quality in a male partner. Overall, these desired characteristics seem to support previously noted gender stereotypes, with women expressing a stronger preference for more pragmatic qualities in a partner, while men, to a lesser extent, express a stronger preference for physical appearance. We will now examine how these various factors affect dating and intimate relationships characteristics.

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Table 4 presents the results of ordinary least squares regression models of dating characteristics among young Chinese adults. The models are presented separately for each sex, for each characteristic, so as to allow for a more direct comparison of the effects of familial and individual traits. Previous analyses (not shown) were performed to ascertain the need for separate models for each sex. In regard to wanting to date more frequently, females whose parents have a higher level of educational attainment are shown to have a lower desire to date (b = −.104). Given that Chinese culture places a premium upon educational attainment (Stevenson and Stigler 1992), this association may result from parents’ desire to see their children succeed (i.e., placing greater emphasis upon education, as opposed to intimate relationships). Females’ levels of self-esteem are positively associated with wanting to date more frequently (b = .143), suggesting that self-assurance and confidence may play a substantial role in the dating patterns of young Chinese women. In a similar manner, women’s pro-natalist attitudes are positively associated with wanting to date more frequently (b = .140). In regard to desired spousal qualities, a stronger desire for pragmatic qualities is significantly associated with wanting to date more often (b = .239). The strength of this association may imply that Chinese women not only desire more pragmatic qualities in a spouse but perhaps also view dating itself in more pragmatic manner. Caring qualities, such a loving and kind partner, also yield a significant association with women’s wanting to date more frequently (b = .155), but the association is relatively meager. Finally, women’s desire for appearance qualities is shown to be negatively associated with wanting to date more frequently. Hence, women who place a greater premium upon physical appearance may actually be less likely to want to date more often.

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In the comparable model of men’s wanting to date more often, pro-natalist attitudes yield a negative association (b = −.147), which is opposite to the same effect shown in the model for women. It is quite possible that men who espouse more pro-natalist attitudes (i.e., desire children) may be more selective in their dating behaviors, thereby reducing their desire to date many women. Young Chinese men who place more emphasis upon caring qualities in a spouse (b = .377), on the other hand, are shown to have a greater desire to date often. This difference between women’s preference for pragmatic qualities and men’s preference for caring qualities will be addressed more fully in the discussion section.

Among women, parental educational attainment is significantly associated with the willingness to kiss on a first date (b = .220). It is possible that higher parental educational attainment may also be linked with more progressive attitudes and expectations about dating, on the part of parents. Not surprisingly, women who state a willingness to date without parental approval are shown to be significantly more likely to kiss on a first date (b = .233). Within the context of Chinese culture, both of these are likely to be considered progressive and contrary to traditional standards of behavior for young women. Young women also appear to be readily affected by their friends, as the number of friends dating is positively associated (b = .190) with a willingness to kiss on a first date. However, self-esteem yields a negative association with women’s willingness to kiss on a first date (b = −.169), as does pro-natalist attitudes (b = −.147). Among young men, parental educational attainment reveals a negative association (b = −.156), which is directly contrary to the effect shown in the model for women. Clearly, the impact of parental characteristics varies, depending upon whether they involve sons or daughters. Older males are more likely to kiss on a first date (b = .127), as are those who attend religious services more frequently (b = .186). It is noteworthy that the desire for heterogamous relationships is positively associated with the willingness to kiss on a first date (b = .219) among men, yet the same positive association is also shown in regard to conservative gender attitudes (b = .381). This may possibly suggest that young men with a more traditional set of attitudes wish to have both ways—to date outside of their own social groups—yet maintain a more traditional (i.e., patriarchal) role within the relationship.

In regard to women’s willingness to have sex on a first date, the willingness to date without parental approval yields a positive association (b = .323), as does the number of friends who are dating (b = .203). Since having sex on a first date represents a more tangible breech of traditional standards, it is logical that women must also be willing to break away from parents’ expectations. Along the same vein, having friends who are also dating may provide the social support and reinforcement which make having sex on a first date seem more acceptable to young Chinese women. However, women’s self-esteem, along with their pro-natalist attitudes, yields negative associations with the willingness to have sex on a first date (b = −.195 and −.197, respectively). Having higher self-esteem, then, may provide women with the confidence or security to not have sex on a first date, whereas lower levels of self-esteem may bring about the opposite. The stronger desire to have children, likewise, may lead young women to be more selective in their dating behaviors or perhaps they may be more likely to associate sex with a more stable and lasting relationship (such as marriage). Among males, the overall robustness of the regression model is not as strong. However, conservative gender attitudes are shown to be positively associated with men’s willingness to have sex on a first date (b = .357). Again, this may be related to the patriarchal roles found within broader Chinese culture, such that young men with more traditional gender attitudes may believe that they should assume a stronger role in the decision-making behaviors involved in dating and dating relationships. The implications of these findings will now be addressed.

Discussion and conclusions

This study was initiated to provide an exploration of dating and mate selection traits among young adults in contemporary China. The sample used for these analyses is a relatively small and select one and does not necessarily provide for making broad generalizations to the larger population of young adults in China. However, the findings shown herein do offer fresh insight into both the nature of dating experiences and some of the pertinent gender differences which exist.

Overall, both young Chinese women and men expressed a desire to date more frequently, suggesting that the more progressive notions of love and romance may be taking hold within Chinese culture. With the increasing influence of individualism and consumerism, it is not entirely unexpected that Chinese youth should wish to emulate behaviors which they believe to be more “modern” or “western.” Despite their seeming eagerness to be more active in seeking dating partners, there also appears to be considerable adherence to more traditional culture expectations. Specifically, only the minority of both females and males expressed a willingness to have sex on a first date. This pattern is certainly more consistent with traditional expectations concerning what is appropriate behavior for young adults in intimate relationships. As expected, significantly more males than females expressed the willingness to have sex on a first date, yet even among males, more expressed opposition, rather than a willingness to do so. This would again seem to support the existence of long-standing expectations concerning dating. Unlike more westernized beliefs concerning dating, sex and sexual behavior still appear to be outwardly undesired by young Chinese adults of either sex. This conclusion is further supported by the unwillingness of both females and males to kiss on a first date. Once again, more males expressed a willingness to do so, yet substantially more males were clearly opposed to this. While these data are intended to provide an exploratory examination of dating attitudes and behaviors, these findings do suggest that both traditional and more progressive elements are concurrently present in the dating traits of contemporary Chinese young adults.

Gender differences were also noted in regard to the desired partner characteristics, as expressed by females and males. In keeping with long-standing gender stereotypes, females did express a greater preference for more pragmatic qualities in a male partner (i.e., well educated, wealthy, successful, and ambitious). This supports previous research which has noted such gender-based distinctions. Chinese men, on the hand, only partially conformed to the gender stereotypes for males. Although men did express a greater preference for a “sexy” female partner, no significant differences were shown for the other attributes related to appearance. Hence, while it would appear that a double standard does exist in regard to desired partner attributes, the more stereotyped expectations are found among women and less so among men.

The multivariate models yielded several rather intriguing findings. In particular, it was shown that Chinese women have a greater desire to date more frequently when they have more pragmatic desires in a prospective partner. Chinese men, on the other hand, have a greater desire to date more frequently when they desire a partner with more caring qualities. On the surface, these two patterns offer some substantiation of the traditional gender-typed beliefs that men are seeking love and romance from dating (and from eventual marriage), while women are perhaps regarding dating as a pathway to marriage and the subsequent security (e.g., financial) offered within. Obviously, additional study is necessary in order to more accurately discern and understand these patterns. These findings do lend support to exchange theory, as each sex does appear to be approaching dating and intimate relationships with somewhat different perceptions and goals.

The potential for more progressive (and westernized) traits can also be seen within the models concerning kissing and having sex on a first date. Among females, the regression models revealed that a willingness to date without parental approval (which would be directly counter to traditional cultural expectations) was shown to be associated with a greater willingness to both kiss and have sex on a first date. Essentially, breaking away from parental control is associated with greater sexual expression among young Chinese women. This would certainly be consistent with a tendency toward greater individualism, as suggested previously. In addition, women were shown to be more likely to kiss and/or have sex on a first date when they had more friends who were also dating. Once, again, this suggests a strong peer influence, perhaps part of a broader new youth subculture, which is generally considered to be antithetical to parental and familial influence. Finally, women with pro-natalist attitudes (i.e., seeking to have children, one day) were shown to be considerably less willing to kiss and/or have sex on a first date. If the maternal role can be considered to be a more traditional role for women, it would appear that young Chinese women are giving significant priority to the later role of motherhood, as opposed to indulging in more immediate sexual behaviors in the context of dating.

Overall, these findings suggest that contemporary Chinese youth are perhaps forging a path somewhere between the expectations of traditional Chinese culture and the more progressive expectations of an ever-changing modern society. Youth are often at the “cutting edge” of social change, and their attitudes and expectations are often portrayed as being directly contradictory to and even boldly challenging those of their parents. These results do not suggest that a polarized set of expectations are present; instead, it would appear that Chinese youth have found a balance between the two and appear to be content with the combination. As stated previously, while researchers have directed considerable efforts toward better understanding the nature and dynamics of dating and mate selection among young adults, most of these efforts have involved Western samples. Hence, much of the theory and conceptual knowledge may not necessarily apply to non-Western samples. In particular, the appropriateness of applying of such existing theories and concepts to Asian cultures has been called into question (Ho et al. 2012). The rapid economic and social change which is occurring in urban centers of China, such as Shanghai, will eventually be evident within the rest of the population, especially as the residential distribution shifts from a rural to an urban majority. Researchers should attempt to address how these ever-shifting social, economic, and political changes will affect not only the dating experiences among the young adult population but also familial structures and behaviors in the longer term.

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Making Sense of Teen Dating Lingo

If you feel like you need a translator when you hear your teen talk about their dating relationships, you are not alone. The majority of parents struggle to make sense of the words teens use, like ghosting or cuffing, to describe what is happening in their world.

But if you want to provide insight and advice when they are talking to you, it is important that you have a good grasp of what it means if your teen says their significant other is "ghosting" them or has "left them on read."

Common Terms

No longer is it enough for parents to know just what sexting is. Now, you need to add in "benching," "53X," and so many more terms to your vocabulary.

The digital world has created an entirely new language of love that threatens to leave parents in the dark unless they essentially become bilingual. Here is a parent's guide to your teen's dating terminology.

Ghosting

Ghosting occurs when someone your teen is dating suddenly stops contacting them. It is usually the result of this other person being too afraid to tell your teen that they do not want to take things any further or that they want to end the relationship.

So, instead of communicating directly, they start behaving like a ghost. When this happens, your teen often checks their phone incessantly looking for a response back, a text, or some sign of life.

Zombieing

Zombieing occurs when the person who ghosted your teen suddenly makes an appearance in their life again. It is like they have come back from the dead.

In other words, the person will suddenly start liking or following your teen's social media, texting, or displaying some interest in your teen but not giving a full-on approach to rekindling the relationship.

Slow Fade

This approach is supposedly a kinder, gentler way to ghost someone by slowly fading from the picture. When a slow fade happens, your teen's love interest gradually fades away by making less and less effort to connect. The end result is longer and longer amounts of time between replies.

Cuffing

Cuffing most often occurs during the winter months when teens are looking to get in a committed relationship. The goal is to have a boyfriend or girlfriend over the holidays and on Valentine's Day.

Teens may use this term to describe a friend who is seeking out a significant other so they are not alone on romantic holidays.

Curving

When teens use the term curving, they are talking about rejecting someone's romantic interest in them. They could also use it to talk about how someone responded to them. The teen may answer messages inconsistently or take a suspiciously long time to reply, then provide mild excuses for their lack of response.

DTR

DTR stands for "define the relationship." When teens use this term, they want to have a conversation with their significant other about where the relationship is headed.

Are they a couple? Are they ready to announce it to the world on social media by updating their relationship status? These are the things teens discuss when they use the term DTR.

Deepliking

Deepliking is a way for your teen or others to show that they like someone by scrolling through old social media posts and liking them. These likes are usually on photos and posts that are months or sometimes even years old.

Benching

Benching, or breadcrumbing, occurs when someone a teen has been dating or talking to suddenly stops agreeing to meet in person. However, the person still contacts your teen through text, direct message, and over social media.

Basically, these people are trying to keep your teen on the bench while they play out their other options.

Make sure you tell teens to watch out for anyone that keeps them in limbo this way. This is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Left Me on Read

When your teen is "left on read," what this means is that they can see that their significant other has read their text message, but has not responded—sometimes for days. This is frustrating for teens, and adults for that matter, especially if they were discussing something important.

Leaving someone on read can be a somewhat passive-aggressive way to control the relationship or conversation and an early warning sign for teen dating abuse.

Talking

Perhaps one of the easiest terms to decipher, talking means the couple is getting to know one another and sometimes even casually dating. Both parties are interested in having a relationship and are trying to determine what they have in common and if it should go any further. It also means that they are not yet in a committed relationship but only testing the waters at this point.

IRL

The acronym IRL stands for "in real life" and means that the relationship has progressed from just talking or texting to an actual, in-person date. Most teens only date people they already know offline through school, clubs, or other venues. However, it is common for the beginning stages of flirting to occur online before progressing to an "official" in-person date.

Netflix and Chill

To parents, it may sound like the couple is just meeting to hang out and watch television together. But it could mean that their plan is to meet up and make out or have sex.

If you hear your teen use this term, you might want to investigate a little further to see what is really up.

Jelly

Although not used as often as it used to be, jelly stands for jealous or envious. And even though they are using a different word to describe feeling jealous, the emotions are still the same.

Thirsty

Thirsty means being desperate for something, usually referring to someone's desire to hook up or have sex. For instance, someone might say: "He is so thirsty."

Extra

This term is used to describe someone who is over the top or dramatic. Generally, this is not a complimentary term and is often considered a criticism.

Basic

Like "extra," the term basic is not generally used as a compliment, but instead used as a criticism of another person who tends to like anything that is trendy or popular.

53X

If you see this in your teen's text messages or direct messages, you need to know that "53X" is leet speak for "sex." Leet speak is a form of communication that replaces common letters with similar-looking numbers.

It is a good idea to investigate a little more to see what context it is being used in and what your teen meant by the code.

GNOC

This acronym is short for "get naked on camera" and is often used to pressure someone into sexting or sharing explicit photos.

Turnt

If a teen says they are looking to get turnt or turnt up, this is code for teens wanting to get drunk or high. Beware if you hear this term in the context of your teen's conversation and start asking questions.

Telltale Signs Your Teenager Has Been Drinking Alcohol

Why Teens Use Their Own Lingo

In fact, some psychologists liken it to fashion. Just as teens would rarely wear their parents' clothing, the same is true about using their words.

Think back to your time as a teen. Did you use your parent's terms to describe things? Probably not very often, if at all. Using your mom's words to describe something could be on par with wearing mom jeans.

For the most part, teens use their own lingo as a way to create their own identity, fit into certain social groups, and express their independence.

But keep in mind that slang is always changing and evolving. What's more, in what feels like no time at all, the list of terms you see above will be outdated and replaced with an entirely new set of terms.

Remember, it is normal to have special phrases and terms to describe things. Every generation has done it. And most likely, they will keep on doing it. After all, parents today were once strange teens and used weird words like "totally" all the time.

What Your Teen Needs to Know About Dating Safely

A Word From Verywell

Aside from understanding what your teen is talking about, knowing the latest lingo that teens use to describe their dating experiences is useful knowledge for parents. Not only does it provide insight into what is happening in your teen's life, but it also equips you with the background information you need to share helpful advice.

For instance, when teens are being ghosted by someone, it can help to have someone put this into perspective for them. Even though teens have a new way of describing what is happening in their world, their needs are still the same. Sometimes it helps to have a little guidance on how to navigate the confusing aspects of dating.

100 Common Text and Social Media Acronyms Used by Teens

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Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Navarro R, Larrañaga E, Yubero S, Víllora B. Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(3):1116. doi:10.3390/ijerph17031116
Giordano PC, Soto DA, Manning WD, Longmore MA. The characteristics of romantic relationships associated with teen dating violence. Soc Sci Res. 2010;39(6):863-874. doi:10.1016/j.ssresearch.2010.03.009
Pew Research Center. Teens, Technology, and Romantic Relationships. 2015.
Fabjančič T. Catch Me If You Can! – Slang as a Social Phenomenon and the Issue of Capturing It in Dictionaries. ELOPE. 2010;7(2):27-44. doi:10.4312/elope.7.2.27-44

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There is a lot of debate and stigma that surrounds teen love. Many adults brush teen relationships off, believing that they are unable to stand the test of time. However, this believe is not entirely valid. the average age of marriage has continued to rise from generations past, it doesn’t prove that teen love is not real or that it cannot last. However, it isn’t that simple either.

Some, not all, teen love is real. Determining whether this love will last depends solely on the individuals and if they are willing to develop the feeling of love into true love.

The Difference Between Love and Lust

The first relationships that teens usually experience are referred to as puppy love or a crush. This goes right along with lust. The attraction to the other person is purely physical. There is excitement and energy in the relationship. The feelings are surface level and do not go deeper than that. It is a relationship that is based purely on feelings.

Lust is a normal response that people experience, including teens—but it’s not love. Many teens and adults confuse the two. Lust is based only on the physical attraction, where love is much deeper than that and involves caring about the other person. The relationship may begin because of lust, but real love moves past lust and physical attraction. It is not based on feelings, but on commitment and a decision.

It’s All About the Mindset of the Teen

There are two different ways to look at dating. First, you may be dating because you want to find your life partner. When you have this mindset, you’re careful about the people you choose to date because you’re looking for someone specific. Second, you may be dating because you’re just having a good time and want to hang out with someone. You aren’t necessarily looking to commit, and you may date several people at once.

Your dating mindset will play a major role in determining if your love is real and if it can last. If you’re merely looking for a good time, then you’re likely to end the relationship when fights and challenges naturally arise. You may have feelings of love, but not true love. However, if you’re looking for your future partner, then you may be able to turn feelings of infatuation into feelings of love.

True love requires a certain level of maturity. It’s easy to be attracted to someone. It’s also easy to date someone and truly like them. This may lead to feelings of love, but true love only comes when you’re willing to stand the test of time, even when things get tough. When you’re really in love, you can’t be overly demanding or jealous, nor can you run out every time things get hard. With a little work and a lot of love, however, you can build a relationship that lasts for the long haul.

Can Teen Love Last?

The answer is simple and complex at the same time. Teen love can last—just ask all of the high school sweethearts that are still married decades later. While it’s true that any romantic relationship has its difficulties, teen love has some specific challenges that usually don’t apply to adult relationships.

You Must Know Yourself

One of the biggest challenges in teen love is that most teens are still in the process of finding themselves. When you don’t know who you are, it’s hard to form a healthy relationship. If teens are in a serious relationship while they’re going through this discovery process, they may eventually realize that who they are is not compatible with their significant other. Or, if they are unwilling to admit this, they might try to be someone they’re not to please their partner. This will eventually lead to problems in the relationship.

For teen love to last, the teenagers need to have a high level of maturity at the beginning of the relationship, or they need to be willing to discover themselves together. That means they will support each other throughout this process. When both individuals are committed to growing within the relationship, they can discover their identities without needing to end the relationship. This journey will bring them closer together.

Changing Circumstances

Adults are usually in a more stable place when they begin relationships. When teens start relationships while they’re in school, they’re going to face a trying time as graduation approaches. Teens that are in serious relationships will need to determine if they’re going to end their relationship when they go off to college. They may also choose to forego college, attend college together, or make any number of joint or separate plans. Graduation is a time of major transition for every high school student. Adding a relationship to the mix can make it even more difficult. Many relationships end at this point because teenagers want to see what will happen in the next phase of life.

If It Doesn’t Last

There are many different reasons why teen relationships don’t last; in this way, they’re just like any other relationship. Teen relationships may end because both people may realize they aren’t interested in the same things, that they’re heading out to college, or that they aren’t willing to stick it out when things get tough. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t mean that the relationship and the feelings weren’t real.

Breakups are difficult, and passionate teens often have a harder time dealing with them than adults do. Teens ending a relationship may experience extreme emotions. If you are experiencing overwhelming grief, or other feelings after a breakup, talking to a professional therapist can help.

For Parents of Teenagers

Do not dismiss teen love. Your teenagers’ feelings are just as real as yours. If you dismiss them, you could strengthen your child’s desire for the relationship. They will feel that you don’t understand them, and you will create a distance between the two of you.

As a parent, you want your child to feel free to talk to you about all areas of life, including love and relationships, so you can provide guidance as needed. When you tell them, it’s “puppy love,” that it’s not real, or that it’s not going to last, you risk losing your ability to give advice. Your teen will stop coming to you with questions or sharing information with you.

That said, if you notice signs of an unhealthy relationship, it’s time to step in. It’s normal for teens to want to spend all of their time with their boyfriend or girlfriend, but you should watch for extreme jealousy, isolation, bruises, changes in behavior, a large age gap, and frequent arguments. These are signs that the relationship may not be a healthy one. It’s difficult for people of any age to recognize when they’re in an unhealthy relationship. As the parent, it’s your responsibility to help your child if they’re in this situation.

Tips for Teens in Love

Relationships are difficult. If you’re simply dating “for fun,” then it probably isn’t worth investing seriously in the relationship. However, if you are serious about the other person and would like to see the relationship last, there are a few things you should remember.

Make sure the feelings are mutual before investing 100 percent. You may be serious about the relationship, but before you get too committed, make sure the other person feels the same way.
Do not mistake sex for love. Love is more than physical attraction, and having sex is not a way to find love.
Do not sacrifice all of your friendships for your relationship. When relationships are new, you tend to want to spend all of your time with the other person. Remember that it’s important to have friends outside of your relationship as well. You should also continue spending time with family, and participating in activities that you enjoy.
Discuss the future together. Do you both feel the same way? What will happen after graduation?

Understanding Teen Relationships With BetterHelp

When it comes to teen love, there are multiple ways that a therapist can support you. For starters, it’s important to know yourself and love yourself if you want to have healthy relationships. If you struggle in these areas, a therapist can help you discover who you are, so you can accept and love that person.

Studies have shown that online therapy platforms can be useful for helping teens manage anxiety, depression, and other issues. According to one study, internet-based cognitive-behavioral therapy (ICBT) is an effective way toaddress symptoms of anxiety in adolescents. Therapist-guided ICBT is a widely utilized method of helping teens and adults deal with emotions related to love and other aspects of life. It works by helping reframe negative thoughts, so that those with mental health concerns can better manage their interactions and relationships. The study found that ICBT reduced participant anxiety, as well as depression, concluding that even those with severe symptoms can benefit from this form of counseling.

If you are in a long-term relationship that started when you were young, you’ll likely experience a unique set of problems. A therapist can help you work through these issues, so you can make sure your love lasts. BetterHelp has devoted the platform TeenCounseling to help teenagers aged 13 to 18 years old. With online counseling, you don’t need to worry about sitting in traffic or waiting in a room full of other people. You can get the help you need from the comfort and safety of your own home. You can read about how our BetterHelp and TeenCounseling therapists have helped people in similar situations.

Counselor Reviews

“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He’s not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”

“She guides me to utilize strategies which have helped me so much in dealing with stressful situations occurring in my life. She has helped me to see things more clearly so that I can choose the best path forward. Her advice on dealing with my relationship issues has truly been invaluable to me and I’m so grateful for her support.”

Conclusion

Teen love is real. If you’re a teenager in love, your relationship is important to you; and if you work on it, it stands just as good a chance of lasting as any adult relationship. Teen relationships may have unique challenges, but with commitment and communication, they can stand the test of time.

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NowUKnow: Why Millennials Refuse to Get Married

Millennials are making history by saying no to traditional marriage in record numbers — and they may be radically changing a centuries-old institution.

While traditional marriage has been on a downward trajectory for generations, with this group — the oldest now 40 years old — it appears to be in free fall. According to a report by the Pew Research Center, Millennials are slower to establish their own households; more than four-in-10 do not live with a family of their own.

Many Millennials are choosing to test drive nuptials. Pew reports found that a significant share is living with a romantic partner. Cohabitation is more common among Millennials than Gen Xers across most racial and ethnic categories, as well as educational attainment.

Lecturer in Natural and Applied Sciences Clarissa Sawyer, who teaches gender psychology and adult development and aging at Bentley University, says that the Millennial marriage trend has roots in education.

"Women around the world are getting married later and part of that is because women are getting more educated and investing in their careers," Sawyer says, noting a boost in the ratio of college-educated women to college-educated men. "They've invested a lot of time and money into college, so they're getting a job and delaying marriage — if not opting out completely."

Gender aside, a college diploma isn't necessarily replacing a marriage certificate. Pew reported that Millennials with a bachelor's degree or more are marrying at a higher rate than those with less education — but they are living without children.

As the parent of a Millennial, Sawyer sees trends within her own family: Her 31-year-old son and his live-in partner of seven years are not married and don't plan to have kids.

The Impact of Not Getting Married

Boston Globe columnist Tom Keane says this trend could be cause for alarm. "Not getting married at all could prove tragic," said Keane, reviewing the economic and social benefits of marriage in the column Millennials, Reject Timely Marriage at Your Own Risk.

Marriage patterns will continue to diverge by education and race, increasing the divides between mostly married "haves" and increasingly single "have-nots," predicted an internal analysis of the Urban Institute report. Tax rates, eligibility for entitlement programs, and the availability of social safety nets are all altered by marital status, it said. Current marriage trends will make it challenging to develop policies that efficiently target the needs of the growing number of unmarried poor, it said.

"To me, there are so many things that encourage people to marry for financial reasons," says Bentley Senior Lecturer in Law and TaxationSteven Weisman. From Social Security to income taxes, married couples benefit economically.

The Evolution of Marriage

Sawyer believes that many Millennials are hesitant to marry due to the threat of divorce. "Getting married is often perceived as a risk so Millennials tend to cohabitate and get financially stable before moving forward."

Business Insider reported that fear is leading Millennials to marry later "as they take time to get to know their partner, accumulate assets and become financially successful."

In Western culture in the late 18th century, marriage transformed from an economic arrangement into a union based on love. Research published in Debora Spar's book Work, Mate, Marry, Love: How Machines Shape Our Human Destiny focuses on the interplay between humans and technology, particularly how technological change impacts social structures like marriage and family.

Spar — who is a Bentley trustee and the Jaime and Josefina Chua Tiampo Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School and senior associate dean for business and global society — found that monogamous marriage emerged in many ways as a result of the rise of agricultural technologies. A prime example: starting a family to ensure an heir to a family farm.

Sawyer agrees. "The economy shapes the choices people make about whether or not to get married. During the Depression many people didn't get married or postponed marriage because it was not financially viable and there weren't enough men who had the money to feel like they could provide for a family."

Daniel Everett, Trustee Professor of Cognitive Sciences at Bentley, says the overall forces of biology, social needs and economics will never let some form of long-term partnership fade away: The definition of marriage has been fluid over time and between cultures.

"In American marriages, as they have evolved, the ideal is to marry by mutual consent and build first and foremost a relationship," Everett says. "Among some Amazonian societies, the marriage relationship is first an economic partnership, with clear division of labor, from which a relationship may develop. Among more religious societies, such as rural Catholic in southern Mexico, there is some overlap with the Amazonian. And the American rural model can fluctuate from economy first relationship second to relationship first, economy second, with clear division of labor and the added sanction of religion."

The Future of Nuptials

As the oldest among Generation Z approach their mid-20s, they share similar views on marriage as Millennials. According to Pew, roughly half of GenZers and Millennials say that gay and lesbian couples being allowed to marry is a good thing for our society, with a similar pattern in views of people of different races marrying each other.

Will Millennials and GenZ usher in a new era that saves American marriage by allowing it to evolve? Radical as it may seem, they just might.

Источник: [https://torrent-igruha.org/3551-portal.html]

Teens: Relationship Development

Changes in a teen's physical and thinking development come with big changes in their relationships with family and friends. Family relationships are often reorganized during puberty. Teens want more independence and more emotional distance between them and their parents. A teen's focus often shifts to social interactions and friendships. This includes same-gender friends, same-gender groups of friends, and cross-gender groups of friends. Sexual maturity triggers interest in dating and sexual relationships.

Changes in relationship with self

During the teen years, a new understanding of one's self occurs. This may include changes in these self-concepts:

Independence

This means making decisions for one's self and acting on one's own thought processes and judgment. Teens start to learn to work out problems on their own. As teens develop more reasoning and intuitive abilities, they start to face new responsibilities. They start to enjoy their own thoughts and actions. Teens also start to have thoughts and fantasies about their future and adult life (for instance, college or job training, work, and marriage).

Identity

This is defined as a sense of self or one's personality. One of the key tasks of adolescence is to reach a sense of a personal identity and a secure sense of self. A teen gets comfortable with, and accepts, a more mature physical body. They also learn to use their own judgment, and make decisions on their own. As these things happen, the teen addresses their own problems and starts to develop a concept of themselves. Trouble developing a clear concept of self or identity occurs when a teen can’t resolve struggles about who they are as a physical, sexual, and independent person.

Self-esteem

This is how you feel about yourself. Self-esteem is determined by answering the question "How much do I like myself?" With the start of adolescence, a decrease in self-esteem is somewhat common. This is due to the many body changes, new thoughts, and new ways of thinking about things. Teens are more thoughtful about who they are and who they want to be. They notice differences in the way they act and the way they think they should act. Once teens start thinking about their actions and characteristics, they are faced with how they judge themselves. Many teens place importance on attractiveness. When teens don’t think they are attractive, it often causes poor self-esteem. Typically, self-esteem increases as teens develop a better sense of who they are.

Changes in peer relationships

Teens spend more time with friends. They report feeling more understood and accepted by their friends. Less and less time is spent with parents and other family members.

Close friendships tend to develop between teens with similar interests, social class, and ethnic backgrounds. While childhood friendships tend to be based on common activities, teen friendships expand to include similarities in attitudes, values, and shared activities. Teen friendships also tend to be based on educational interests. Especially for girls, close, intimate, self-disclosing conversations with friends help to explore identities and define one's sense of self. Conversations within these important friendships also help teens explore their sexuality and how they feel about it. Teen boys' friendships are often less intimate than those of girls. Boys are more likely to have a group of friends who confirm each other's worth through actions and deeds rather than personal sharing.

Changes in male-female relationships

The shift to male-female and sexual relationships is influenced by sexual interest and by social and cultural influences and expectations. Social and cultural expectations and behaviors in male-female or sexual relationships are learned from observations and practice. During adolescence, developmental tasks include struggles to gain control over sexual and aggressive urges. Discovering possible or actual love relationships also occurs. Sexual behaviors during adolescence may include impulsive behavior, a wide range of experimental interactions of mutual exploring, and eventually intercourse. Biological differences, and differences in the ways males and females socialize, set the stage for males and females to have different expectations of sexual and love relationships. These may influence sexual experiences and may also have consequences for later sexual behavior and partnerships. In time, having a mutually satisfying sexual partnership within a love relationship may be found.

Changes in family relationships

One of the developmental tasks of adolescence is to separate from one's family as one becomes an independent young adult. A part of this process is coming to terms with specific feelings about one's family. During adolescence, teens start to realize that their parents and key authority figures don’t know everything or have solutions to all types of struggles. Some teen rebellion against parents is common and normal. Over time, disagreements often decrease. But relationships with mothers tend to change more than with fathers. As adolescents become more independent from their parents, they are more likely to turn to their peers for advice.

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35% of Teens Have Some Experience with Dating or Romantic Relationships; 18% Are Currently in a Relationship of Some Kind

35% of Teens Are or Have Been in a Romantic Relationship of Some Kind Dating and experience with romance are relatively common – but far from universal – among teens ages 13 to 17. Some 35% of teens have some type of experience in a romantic relationship, a figure that includes current and former daters, as well as those in serious and less-serious relationships. The survey asked about three different categories of romantic relationships and found:

14% of teens are currently in a relationship they consider to be serious with a boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other.
5% of teens are in a current romantic relationship, but do not consider it to be serious.
16% of teens are not currently dating, but have had some sort of romantic relationship (whether serious or otherwise) in the past.

Some 64% of teens indicate that they have never been in a romantic relationship of any kind (and 1% declined to provide their relationship status). The 35% of teens who say they are either currently involved with a romantic partner or have ever dated, hooked up with or had a romantic relationship with someone will serve as the focus of the remainder of this report. When we refer to “teen daters,” “teens with relationship experience” or “teens with dating experience” we are referring to this roughly one-third of teenagers who are currently in some type of relationship or have been at some point in the past.

Most teens with romantic relationship experience are not sexually active. Some 30% of teen daters say they have ever had sex. Two-thirds of teen daters (66%) indicate that they have not had sex, and 2% declined to indicate whether they are sexually active or not.

Older teens are more likely to have experience with dating and relationships, and they also are more likely to be sexually active

Older Teens Are More Likely to Have Experience With Dating and Relationships Age is the primary demographic dividing line when it comes to dating and romance. Teens ages 15 to 17 are around twice as likely as those ages 13 to 14 to have ever had some type of romantic relationship experience (44% vs. 20%). These older teens also are significantly more likely to say they are currently in an active relationship, serious or otherwise (18% vs. 6% of younger teens).

Older teens also are more likely to be sexually active, as 36% of 15- to 17-year-olds with romantic relationship experience have had sex, compared with 12% of 13- to 14-year-olds with relationship experience.

Besides age, there are relatively few demographic differences when it comes to teens’ experiences with dating and romantic relationships. Boys and girls, and those with different racial, ethnic and economic backgrounds are equally likely to have been in such relationships.

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Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect. Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life. In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
Good communication. Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you? Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

Page 1

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not!

Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe.

It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.

Page 2

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you. Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner.

Also, intense relationships can be hard for some teens. Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you. And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move.

Relationships can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too. Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people.

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.

Источник: [https://torrent-igruha.org/3551-portal.html]

As parents we often aren’t sure what our role should be when a child is old enough to start dating. Should we be laying down the rules? Minding our own business?

Teenagers can be prickly about their privacy, especially when it comes to something as intimate as romance. The potential for embarrassment all around can prevent us from giving them any advice for having healthy and happy relationships.

Teenagers do look to us for guidance, though—even when they’d rather die than acknowledge that they are—and we can often have more influence than we realize.

With this in mind, here are some relationship Dos and Don’ts you can share with your kids. You can start bringing these things up long before they start dating, and continue affirming them as kids get more experience. And do your best to lead by example and model these values in your own relationships, too.

Do look for someone you feel comfortable with

Being comfortable with someone means:

You can be yourself around her.
You can have different opinions on something, and know that it’s okay.
You trust each other when you’re not together.
You aren’t pressured to do things you don’t want to do. (This definitely includes sexual things, but also other things, like going somewhere you don’t want to go, or wearing something you don’t want to wear.)

Don’t forget your friends

Some people will drop all their friends after they start dating someone. They might not mean for it to happen, but it still does. Don’t be that person! No one wants a friend who will throw her over for someone else, and you still need a social life outside your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Do be your own person

It’s natural to share interests with the person you’re dating, but you also need to keep developing an identity outside of that person, too. Keep thinking about what you like and what you need. Have an interest do dating teens think about marriage just yours. It will improve your self-esteem, and being confident in yourself makes you more likely to be confident in your relationship.

Don’t hide from problems

If you encounter a problem in your relationship, where to play dating my daughter for free panic. A problem does not automatically mean that the relationship is doomed. However, problems only get bigger when people hide from them. It’s much better to admit when something is wrong, talk about it together, and try to fix it together. It might feel scary, or awkward, to do this, but you still should. It will get easier over time, and working through problems is going to be part of any good relationship.

Do know the difference between good and bad conflict

We tend to think of conflict as a bad thing, but it isn’t always. Conflict can even bring a couple closer together if they are able to stick to these rules during a disagreement:

Explain how you feel and be specific
Listen to how she feels and try to be understanding
Avoid generalizations
Don’t bring up past disagreements
Try to say things that are productive—not critical

Do know the signs of an abusive relationship

If you are in an abusive relationship your boyfriend or girlfriend might:

Be constantly critical of you, and make you feel bad
Try to keep you away from your friends or family
Want to check your phone messages
Use social media to monitor where you are and who you are talking to
Threaten that something bad will happen if you break up
Force you to do things you don’t want to do
Make you feel guilty
Hurt you

A few Dos and Don’ts just for parents:

Do listen and communicate with your teen

Kids don’t confide in their parents as much as they get older, so when kids do feel like talking, really make an effort to be available and listen.

Don’t look squeamish

You (and your teen) do dating teens think about marriage feel awkward talking about romantic relationships, but do your best to look comfortable during any talks. If you look too worried or negative they will be less likely to come to you if they want to talk.

Don’t recreate Romeo and Juliet

Try to be supportive of your son or daughter’s romantic choices unless you truly need to speak out. Remember that teens can be extremely emotional and defensive — especially in response to parental criticism. You don’t want to drive them away from you (and further into the relationship you’re questioning) by being too judgmental.

Источник: [https://torrent-igruha.org/3551-portal.html]

Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take do dating teens think about marriage step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect. Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion, do dating teens think about marriage. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life. In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. Do dating teens think about marriage you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
Good communication. Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you? Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

Page 1

What's do dating teens think about marriage Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or do dating teens think about marriage. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not!

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a do dating teens think about marriage that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, do dating teens think about marriage, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, do dating teens think about marriage you feel bad about yourself, do dating teens think about marriage, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, do dating teens think about marriage, then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe.

Page 2

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your girlfriend or do dating teens think about marriage isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

Also, intense relationships can be hard for some teens. Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities do dating teens think about marriage they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you. And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current do dating teens think about marriage by breaking things off before you make your move.

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. And if you're already part of a pair, do dating teens think about marriage, make sure the relationship you're in brings free dating site in san jose the best in both of you.

Источник: [https://torrent-igruha.org/3551-portal.html]

Teens: Relationship Development

Changes in a teen's physical and thinking development come with big changes in their relationships with do dating teens think about marriage and friends. Family relationships are often reorganized during puberty. Teens want more independence and more emotional distance between them and their parents. A teen's focus often shifts to social interactions and friendships. This includes same-gender friends, same-gender groups of friends, and cross-gender groups of friends. Sexual maturity triggers interest in dating and sexual relationships.

Changes in relationship with self

During the teen years, a new understanding of one's self occurs. This may include changes in these self-concepts:

Independence

Identity

This is defined as a sense of self or one's personality. One of the key tasks of adolescence is to reach a sense of a personal identity and a secure sense of self. A teen gets comfortable with, do dating teens think about marriage accepts, a more mature physical body. They also learn to use their own judgment, and make decisions on their own. As these things happen, the teen addresses their own problems and starts to develop a concept of themselves. Trouble developing a clear concept of self or identity occurs when a teen can’t resolve struggles about who they are as a physical, sexual, do dating teens think about marriage, and independent person.

Self-esteem

Changes in peer relationships

Teens spend more time with friends. They report feeling more understood and accepted by their friends. Less and less time is spent with parents and other family members.

Close friendships tend to develop between teens with similar interests, social class, and ethnic backgrounds. While childhood friendships tend to be based on common activities, teen friendships expand to include similarities in attitudes, values, and shared activities. Teen friendships also tend to be based on educational interests. Especially for girls, close, intimate, do dating teens think about marriage, self-disclosing conversations with friends help to explore identities and define one's sense of self. Conversations within these important friendships also help teens explore their sexuality and how they feel about it. Teen boys' friendships are often less intimate than those of girls. Boys are more likely to have a group of friends who confirm each other's worth through actions and deeds rather than personal sharing.

Changes in male-female relationships

The shift to male-female and sexual relationships is influenced by sexual interest and by social and cultural influences and expectations. Social and cultural expectations and behaviors in male-female or sexual relationships are learned from observations and practice. During adolescence, developmental tasks include struggles to gain control over sexual and aggressive urges. Discovering possible or actual love relationships also occurs. Sexual behaviors during adolescence may include impulsive behavior, a wide range of experimental interactions of mutual exploring, and eventually intercourse. Biological differences, and differences in the ways males and females socialize, set the stage for males and females to have different expectations of sexual and love relationships. These may influence do dating teens think about marriage experiences and may also have consequences do dating teens think about marriage later sexual behavior and partnerships. In time, do dating teens think about marriage, having a mutually satisfying sexual partnership within a love relationship may be found.

Changes in family relationships

One of the developmental tasks of adolescence is to separate from one's family as one becomes an independent young adult. A part of this process is coming to terms with specific feelings about one's family. During adolescence, teens start to realize that their parents and key authority figures don’t know everything or have solutions to all types of struggles. Some teen rebellion against parents is common and do dating teens think about marriage. Over time, disagreements often decrease. But relationships with mothers tend to change more than with fathers. As adolescents become more independent from their parents, they are more likely to turn to their peers for advice.

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Dating attitudes and expectations among young Chinese adults: an best russian dating site for subscribe of dating a real estate agent differences

The Journal of Chinese Sociologyvolume 3, Article number: 12 (2016) Do dating teens think about marriage this article

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Abstract

While researchers have long examined the dating and mate selection patterns among young adults, the vast majority have utilized Western samples. In order to further our understanding of the changing nature of dating behaviors and attitudes, this study examines a sample of young Chinese adults and focuses upon the gender differences therein. Using a foundation of social exchange theory, the analyses illustrate do dating teens think about marriage differences between the dating attitudes and expectations of Chinese women and men. Per traditional expectations, both sexes place a low priority on sexual behaviors, yet more progressive attitudes and behaviors are also evident. Women, in particular, appear to be more focused on pragmatic qualities in prospective partners. The influence of individualist values and the changing cultural norms pertaining to dating and familial roles are discussed.

Dating and romantic relationships are a normal, yet essential, part of life during the adolescent and early adult years. Beyond the basic desires which most individuals experience during this time, researchers have noted the relative significance of dating, not only for individuals but also for societies. The dating a shorter guy reddit and maintenance of intimate, romantic relationships have been linked with improved physical and emotional well-being, stronger perceptions of community attachment, and better developmental outcomes for the individuals (e.g., Amato 2010; Braithwaite et al. 2010; Proulx et al. 2007). During adolescence and the early adult years, dating enhances identity formation for individuals and provides socialization experiences which are necessary to do dating teens think about marriage and maintaining intimate and interpersonal relationships in life (Chen et al. 2009). Although researchers have directed their efforts toward a better understanding of the dynamics of dating and partner selection, focusing upon the influence of such elements as do dating teens think about marriage family environment (e.g., parental divorce, parental marital quality, parent-child relationships), peer relationships, and community factors (Bryant and Conger 2002; Cui and Fincham 2010; Yoshida and Busby 2012), the majority of studies focusing upon dating and romantic relationships have utilized samples of Western youth.

Dating and relationships

Seemingly, contemporary Chinese college students may be adopting a perspective of dating and intimate relationships which focuses less on paths toward marriage and more on immediate pleasure and gratification (Yang 2011). Much of this may also related to institutional changes, as the interpersonal relationships of students have been somewhat suppressed by colleges and universities (Aresu 2009). Universities commonly attempt to discourage sexual activity among students through educational programs and policies (Aresu 2009). Nonetheless, a comparison of college students in 2001 and 2006 revealed that self-reported premarital sexual intercourse rates went from 16.9 do dating teens think about marriage 32 %, respectively (Pan 2007). Not surprisingly, Chinese parents tend to strongly discourage their daughters and sons from becoming sexual active, and many are opposed to their children being involved in dating relationships, at all (Stevenson and Zusho 2002).

The social and cultural context of dating

Aspects of dating, such as appropriate behaviors within dating and the appropriate age at which to begin dating, are greatly influenced by the larger social context in which they occur (Chen et al. 2009). Similarly, do dating teens think about marriage, researchers have noted that attitudes and expectations concerning dating and intimate relationships are also affected by the larger cultural context (Hynie et al. 2006; Sprecher et al. 1994; Yan 2003). But China’s cultural context goes back several thousands of years. It has a written language that has been in use for the longest continuous period of time in the world, and it has the oldest written history (Han 2008). Thus, in order to best understand and appreciate the social dynamics occurring in present day China, one should first examine some of the important long-standing traditions connected to its culture.

The traditional expectations concerning dating and marriage have a long history within Chinese culture and are based heavily upon ancestor worship and Confucian ideology. From this perspective, filial piety and the continuation of family lineage are of tremendous importance (Han 2008). Hence, marriage (as the end goal of intimate relationships) is absolutely necessary and particularly so for males (Liu et al. 2014). One of the enduring cultural traits is “xiao,” which, in the most basic sense, refers to filial piety. The Chinese character for “xiao” can visually be interpreted as a child with an old man on his back (Han 2008). The long-standing expectation of “xiao” is that children devote their lives, without question, to their parents and families. This involves, especially for sons, the care for parents in their elderly years (see Ho 1996). Understandably, this places great pressure upon unmarried sons to negotiate with his parents over the identification and selection of a suitable wife, who, do dating teens think about marriage, in turn, will also provide assistance to his aging parents. For sons, in particular, “xiao” makes finding a spouse a priority and consequently makes dating take on a different quality.

Following the end of the reign of Mao Tse-tung, along with the collapse of the former USSR, a fairly rapid pace of social, political, and economic changes occurred in China (e.g., Croll 2006; Tang and Parish 2000; Free dating site for married 2004). The do dating teens think about marriage Chinese government has steadily encouraged economic modernization and the development of economic practices based upon free market principles similar to those found in Westernized countries. Social policies, such as the notable “One-Child Policy,” have been relaxed over recent years (Denyer 2015), allowing for individuals to better seek mates who are compatible in terms of number of children they desire to procreate. Whereas Chinese culture once emphasized the role of family in the selection of partners, with a strong tendency toward arranged marriages (Yang 1968), young Chinese adults now have greater choice in such decisions (Xu 1994). When combined with other changes, such as higher rates of educational attainment for women (Li 1994; Wu and Zhang 2010) and increased sexual activity among young adults (Feng and Quanhe 1996), it is likely that both culture preferences and actual behaviors concerning dating and mate selection may be undergoing substantial changes in China, as well.

The economic changes have had a considerable effect upon traditional family structures and behaviors. The collectivist nature of Chinese culture has been altered by economic factors in several substantial ways (see Yang 2011). First, there has been a steady shift away from collectivism toward individualism, causing people to give priorities to their own needs, rather than those of their family or larger society. Second, traditional marital relationships, often formed where to play dating my daughter for free a matter of practicality, have diminished and been replaced by a preference for relationships based on romance and Western notions of love. Finally, do dating teens think about marriage, Chinese women, by virtue of their increasing educational and occupational attainment, now have greater economic independence, thus lowering their need to secure a spouse as a way of ensuring financial security. Hence, the traditional combination of marriage, sex, and family, as upheld by long-standing Chinese cultural expectations, has become less influential, particularly in regard to serving as a foundation of dating and partner selection.

Younger cohorts, who have had greater exposure to increasing individualism and Western culture, may approach dating and mate selection in a different manner from the previous generation. However, these younger cohorts must also recognize the existence of long-standing norms, as filial obligation remains a very tangible value in Chinese culture (Chui and Hong 2006), and continues to bind children to their parents. Indeed, do dating teens think about marriage, recent studies have suggested that dating (Kim 2005) and decisions within marriage, itself, are still strongly affected by Chinese parents (Pimentel 2000). Given the relative paucity of research on dating and intimate relationships within China, it is difficult to accurately discern how these changes may be affecting young adults’ dating behaviors. When combined with other changes, such as migration, urbanization, income growth, increased social inequality, consumer culture, mass media, the Internet, and personal communication devices, some qualitative research suggest that both attitudes and actual behaviors concerning dating and mate selection are undergoing change in at least one of China’s largest cities. Research in Totally free dating sites suggests that young adults are shifting their perspectives on dating and romance, away from traditional expectations (see Chang and Chan 2007). Zhang and Kline (2009), using a sample from mainland China, found that many young adults found their partner on their own accord but still maintained a desire to satisfy their parents’ wishes. In contemporary China, it is quite likely that both traditional expectations and newer, more modern attitudes concerning dating and partner selection are present. Whether one set of expectations is more influential, or if there is a merger or evolution of new attitudes concerning dating and partner selection, remains to be seen.

Gender and dating

In order to more fully comprehend these gender differences within Chinese culture, a much longer historical context must be considered. Gender ideologies in China have long been founded upon the general belief that women are supposed to be submissive and secondary to men (Bloodworth 1973). With Confucian philosophy, women are expected to maintain the three rules of obedience: (1) obeying their fathers and brothers prior to marriage, (2) obeying their husbands within marriage, and (3) as a widow, obeying their adult sons (Chia et al. 1997; Yang 1968). This set of beliefs, while seemingly outdated in contemporary society, is nonetheless one which has a very long existence within the Chinese culture. Indeed, several studies have suggested that even in the face of modernization and the influence of Western culture, traditional gender attitudes may persist. Researchers have found that many Chinese adults maintain traditional beliefs concerning the division of household labor (Cook and Dong 2011) and the responsibilities of child care (Rosen 1992), do dating teens think about marriage. Males are still generally assumed to occupy the provider role within the family (Chia et al. 1997).

The relative roles and status of Chinese females and males have been patriarchal in nature for many centuries, yet these long-standing differences may be changing. In terms of educational attainment, for example, women’s educational attainment rates, which had previously lagged far behind those of men, are do dating teens think about marriage rising. Indeed, both in terms of enrollment and completion rates, women now exceed men in Chinese colleges and universities (Wu and Zhang 2010). Women’s employment, which has always been guaranteed within China, is on par with that of men. Higher levels of educational attainment, coupled with comparable employment and earnings levels, may lead Chinese women to maintain more egalitarian attitudes concerning gender and gender roles. How these gendered expectations affect contemporary dating attitudes and behaviors, though, is yet unknown.

While addressing gender-related issues which may affect the dating and mate selection patterns of young Chinese adults, it is equally necessary to address the sex ratio of the population, itself. One lasting effect of the one-child policy, when combined with the traditional preference for sons, is that the current adult population contains more males than females. Currently (based on 2010 census data), the sex ratio for the population of never-married individuals, 15 years of age and above, is 134.5 (Liu et al. 2014). Despite the recent changes to the one-child policy, the skewed sex ratio is expected to create a male marriage “squeeze” for at least a few more decades, thus making it difficult for the current adult male population to find a wife (Guilmoto 2012), do dating teens think about marriage. It is quite likely that the sex ratio will have an impact, not only upon mate selection but also the preceding dating behaviors. South and Trent (2010) have noted that the sex ratio imbalance is associated with higher levels of premarital sex among Chinese women but is associated with lower levels of premarital sex among men.

Understanding gender differences in dating

Numerous perspectives have been offered as attempts to explain gender differences which have been identified within dating and intimate relationships. Buss and his colleagues (Buss et al, do dating teens think about marriage. 1990; Buss 2003) have suggested that there is an evolutionary basis for such differences. Males, in this perspective, will seek females with greater physical attractiveness, youth, and chastity, while females will seek out males with greater resources (i.e., financial), intelligence, and ambition. Male preferences will be based upon their desire to obtain a suitable mating partner, for the purpose of bearing offspring, while female preferences will be based upon their desire for a provider/protector. Although this perspective has generated considerable debate, it does not readily address differences which may results from a specific cultural context.

Exchange theory may provide a foundation for better understanding the nature of dating and partner selection in China. Parrish and Farrer (2000) adult dating sacramento that gender roles within China have undergone considerable change, due to both micro-level mechanisms of bargaining (e.g., within couple’s relationships) and macro-level shifts in existing social institutions (e.g., educational and occupational institutions). Given the dramatic increases in both Chinese women’s educational attainment and greater occupational attainment, they now have greater status in many situations, specifically in regard to bargaining and decision-making within personal relationships (Gittings 2006; Guthrie 2008). From a historical perspective, the New Marriage Law of 1950 helped to set into motion a shift toward improved statuses for women, by legalizing gender equality and freedom of choice in both marriage and divorce. These improvements have, in turn, set the stage for a considerable shift away from more traditional forms of dating and mate selection and have also made the potential “Westernization” of ideologies surrounding romance and dating relationships even more likely (Hatfield and Rapson 2005).

The imbalanced sex ratio may also create an environment in which women have even greater influence, particularly in regard to dating and mate selection. Assuming a strong preference for marriage, exchange theory would again support the notion that women, do dating teens think about marriage, as the smaller population, would have a decisive advantage. The dyadic power thesis (see Sprecher 1988) posits that, in this instance, the relative scarcity of women increases their dyadic power within relationships (see also Ellingson et al. 2004). Hence, women would not only have greater control over the selection of a partner but also wield greater decision-making power within the relationship. This perspective is supported by recent studies which show that Chinese women have become increasingly selective in the marriage market, preferring men with higher salaries, more prestigious occupations, and better living quarters (Liu 2005), do dating teens think about marriage. Within the context of dating and intimate relationships, men with less social capital (e.g., educational attainment, income, desirable housing) may find it increasingly challenging to find a date, much less a spouse (see Peng 2004). Understandably, the cultural expectation held by Chinese men that women should be docile and tender may greatly complicate men’s search for a partner, as Chinese women’s greater selection power, coupled with changes in the broader culture of dating, do dating teens think about marriage, may directly counter long-standing gendered expectations (see Parrish and Farrer 2000).

Research questions and hypotheses

Given China’s record setting leap into becoming a industrialized country in just a matter of decades on top of having a very ancient cultural history which serves as a source of pride, one would half expect China’s traditional culture to “stand strong like bamboo” or, at worse, perhaps bend a bit. On the other hand, one would expect something to do dating teens think about marriage under such complete and rapid societal change. Young Chinese students should be the members of society who would be most willing to abandon traditional Chinese do dating teens think about marriage and the associated behavioral processes which control dating (and marriage) and move toward adopting Western style patterns where familial relationships are forged out of affective individualism. Under this approach, marriages are based largely on love type feelings and the decision about whom to marry resides mostly with the individual. In an increasingly stratified society, the actors might feel most comfortable seeking out life partners who occupy similar positions within the social structure (i.e., education level, social class, occupational prestige, ethnicity). This process is called homogamy.

Hypothesis 1

An adolescent youth subculture is on the rise in China, and hence, the influence of do dating teens think about marriage on the dating and courtship behaviors of individuals will increase and eventually become stronger than that of the family. In the power vacuum caused by the decline of parental influence, young people will most likely fill the void as the culture becomes less backward looking and more forward looking.

Hypothesis 2

Peers and the adolescent subculture, as opposed to parents, should exert a significant influence on the dating behavior of Chinese youth.

Hypothesis 3

To the extent that do dating teens think about marriage values about dating and relationships impact the decision-making process, they may also be imbedded in the types of personal qualities that singles are looking for in their potential mates. If traditional values continue to exert an influence on thinking and behavior despite changes in the social context, then males and females will gravitate toward different criteria. Also, comparative research on partner preferences finds that preferences fall into three broad or seemingly universal categories: physical, practical, and personal. The extent to which these three categories are gendered is not addressed in the literature. However, we expect to find them operating in our study population and to be gendered.

Hypothesis 4

In addition to the above broad hypotheses, we also expect older students and those who are religious to be slightly more do dating teens think about marriage. Students who perform well academically might use that strength as a bargaining chip. Men could use it as an asset to be sold on the dating and marriage market while women could use it as a signifier of them possessing egalitarian values and seeking like-minded mates. It should be noted that in the USA, students who exhibit high levels of dating behavior in high school are less likely to be academic high achievers.

Data and methods

Data for this study were collected during the summer of 2015 at a large public university in Shanghai, China. A random sample of students were approached and asked to participate in a survey concerning dating and romantic relationships. Of those approached, 87 % agreed to participate and completed the survey. After tabulation of the responses, 17 cases were eliminated due to incomplete responses, resulting in a sample of 341 students (191 females and 150 males). The students ranged in age from 18 to 22 and were all currently enrolled at the university. All of the students in the sample were single and never married. Among females, do dating teens think about marriage, 44.5 % described themselves as “currently dating someone,” while 54.0 % of males described themselves as likewise.

A variety of questions were used to do dating teens think about marriage respondents’ attitudes, preferences, and aspirations concerning dating and intimate relationships. In regard to dating, respondents were asked to respond to the statement, “I would like to date more frequently than I do now.” Responses ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5). Participants were also queried concerning their willingness to either kiss or have sex on a first date. Respondents were offered the statements: (1) “I would be willing to kiss on a first date” and (2) I would be willing to have sex on a first date.” Responses again ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5). Together, these items provide a broad range of assessment concerning dating and intimate relationships.

Respondents were also asked about a variety of family and individual characteristics. In terms of their parents, participants were asked about the educational attainment of their mothers and fathers. The higher of the two (when two parents were present) was then included as a measure of the highest parental education, with responses including “eighth grade or less” (1), “beyond the eighth grade but did not complete high school” (2), “high school degree” (3), “attended college but did not finish degree” (4), “four-year college degree” (5), and “graduate or professional degree” (6). Maternal employment was also assessed, with respondents being queried about whether their mother was employed for pay outside the home (yes = 1, no = 0). Since the familial context is likely to influence both dating and marriage patterns among young adults, participants were asked: “For most of the do dating teens think about marriage when you were growing up, did you think your parents’ marriage was not too happy (1), just about average (2), happier than average (3), or very happy (4).” Since western culture could potentially affect dating and marriage patterns among Chinese young adults, the respondents were also queried as to whether English was spoken in their homes (1 = yes, 0 = no). In regard to parental influence, participants were offered the following statement: “I would be willing to date someone of whom my parents/family did not approve.” Responses ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5).

Individual characteristics were also examined within the survey. Respondents were asked to provide their age and sex but were also asked a variety of other questions related to their own traits. Respondents were asked how often they attended religious services, with responses ranging from “do not attend” (1) to “once or more online dating during separation week” (6). A basic measure of self-esteem was included, using responses to the statement: “On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.” Responses ranged from “strongly disagree” (1) to “strongly agree” (5). In regard to attitudes, respondents were asked about their beliefs concerning gender roles within the family context, do dating teens think about marriage. The statements used in creating an index of gender attitudes included the following: (1) it is much better for everyone if the man earns the main living and the woman takes care of the home and family, 2) both husbands and wives should contribute to family income, 3) a do dating teens think about marriage should spend just as many hours doing housework as his wife, and 4) the spouse who earns the most money should have the most say in family decisions. Responses to each of these statements ranged from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree.” After inverting the coding schemes, the resultant combined measure of gender attitudes ranged across a five-point scale, with a higher score indicating more conservative/traditional gender role attitudes (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.89). Respondents were similarly asked about their pro-natalist attitudes by being asked to respond to the statement: “a person can have a fully satisfying life without having children.” Responses ranged from “strongly agree” (1) to “strongly disagree” (5). A measure of school performance was also included, with respondents describing their overall grade performance. Responses ranged from “less than D’s” (1) to “mostly A’s” (8).

Results

Full size table

Table 2 presents the mean levels of family and individual characteristics among young Chinese is bumble a good dating app?, by sex. As shown, the parents of both young women and men were reported to have a relatively high level of free to talk dating sites attainment, with the typical parent having at least some college. Among women, approximately 83 % reported that their mother was employed outside the home, while the corresponding employment rate among men’s mothers was 77 %. Both young women and men reported that their parents had relatively high marital quality. Assuming that these responses are reliable, it would suggest that most young Chinese adults have had positive role models concerning spousal roles and relationships. English was spoken only in a small percentage of homes (13 % of women’s families and 14 % of men’s). Familial influence appears to be slightly less influential among young men, as significantly more reported that they would be willing to date someone without their parents’ approval, as compared to women. This finding is somewhat intriguing, as given the patriarchal nature of Chinese culture, one might anticipate parents being more cautious and involved in the dating behaviors of their sons, as compared to daughters.

Full size table

Men in the sample were shown to be slightly older than the women (20.69 versus 20.31 years of age, respectively). In regard to religiosity, most respondents reported participating in religious activities only a few times each year. Self-esteem levels reported by the respondents were moderately high, do dating teens think about marriage, with no significant differences shown between women and men. Neither sex appeared to be overly anxious to become parents, as their relative responses to the query concerning pro-natalist attitudes was somewhat low. This is not entirely unanticipated, as one would tend to believe that college students do not place parenthood high among their priorities at their age. It is worth noting that young men do espouse significantly more conservative attitudes concerning gender and gender roles within the family, in particular. Again, given the more patriarchal nature of Chinese culture, this is to be expected.

In terms of dating, young men reported having had longer relationships in the past, as compared to young women. In order to put this in context, however, it should be noted that the men’s longest relationships, on average, had lasted only a few months. Approximately half of the friends of both women and men were reported to be currently dating. Hence, there is a potential for considerable peer pressure, in regard to dating behaviors. In regard to potential dating partners, young Chinese women do dating teens think about marriage men appear to be only marginally willing to consider partners from outside their own social groups (i.e., religion, race/ethnicity, and nationality). This may be a reflection of the lack of diversity within China and certainly as compared to countries with more diverse populations.

Table 3 presents the mean levels of desired partner characteristics, as presented for females and males, do dating teens think about marriage. In terms of specific partner characteristics, young women expressed a significantly higher preference for pragmatic qualities, as compared to men (4.90 versus 4.33, respectively). Across all four of the components, females’ preferences in a male partner where significantly higher than those of their male counterparts. Females expressed a significantly higher preference for a male partner who is well educated, wealthy, successful, and ambitious. While not statistically significant, women also expressed a slightly higher preference for caring qualities. Do dating teens think about marriage is necessary to note, however, that females did express a significantly greater preference for a male partner who was kind, as compared to their male counterparts’ same preference in a female partner. In regard to appearance, while men expressed a slightly higher preference for appearance qualities, as compared to women, the difference was not significantly different, overall. Men did express a significantly higher preference for a female partner who is “sexy,” as do dating teens think about marriage to the preferences expressed by women for the same quality in a male partner. Overall, these desired characteristics seem to support previously noted gender stereotypes, with women expressing a stronger preference for more pragmatic qualities in a partner, while men, to a lesser extent, express a stronger preference for physical appearance. We will now examine how these various factors affect dating and intimate relationships characteristics.

Full size table

Table 4 presents the results of ordinary least squares regression models of dating characteristics among young Chinese adults. The models are presented separately for each sex, for each characteristic, do dating teens think about marriage, so as to allow for a more direct comparison of the effects of familial and individual traits, do dating teens think about marriage. Previous analyses (not shown) were performed to ascertain the need for separate models for each sex. In regard to wanting to date more frequently, females whose parents have a higher level of educational attainment are shown to have a lower desire to date (b = −.104), do dating teens think about marriage. Given that Chinese culture places a premium upon educational attainment (Stevenson and Stigler 1992), this association may result from parents’ desire to see their children succeed (i.e., placing greater emphasis upon education, as opposed to intimate relationships). Females’ levels of self-esteem are positively associated with wanting to date more frequently (b = .143), suggesting that self-assurance and confidence may play a substantial role in the dating patterns of young Chinese women. In a similar manner, women’s pro-natalist attitudes are positively associated with wanting to date more frequently (b = .140). In regard to desired spousal qualities, a stronger desire for pragmatic qualities is significantly associated with wanting to date more often (b = .239). The strength of this association may imply that Chinese women not only desire more pragmatic qualities in a spouse but perhaps also view dating itself in more pragmatic manner. Caring qualities, such a loving and kind partner, do dating teens think about marriage, also yield a significant association with women’s wanting to date more frequently (b = .155), but the association is relatively meager. Finally, women’s desire for appearance qualities is shown to be negatively associated with wanting to date more frequently, do dating teens think about marriage. Hence, women who place a greater premium upon physical appearance may actually be less likely to want to date more often.

Full size table

In the comparable model of men’s wanting to date more often, pro-natalist attitudes yield a negative association (b = −.147), which is opposite to the same effect shown in the model for women. It is quite possible that men who espouse more pro-natalist attitudes do dating teens think about marriage, desire children) may be more selective in their dating behaviors, thereby reducing their desire to date many women. Young Chinese men do dating teens think about marriage place more emphasis upon caring qualities do dating teens think about marriage a spouse (b = .377), on the other hand, are shown to have a do dating teens think about marriage desire to date often. This difference between women’s preference for pragmatic qualities and men’s preference for caring qualities will be addressed more fully in the discussion section.

Among women, parental educational attainment is significantly associated with the willingness to kiss on a first date (b = .220). It is possible that higher parental educational attainment may also be linked with more progressive attitudes and expectations about dating, on the part of parents. Not surprisingly, women who state a willingness to date without parental approval are shown to be significantly do dating teens think about marriage likely to kiss on a first date (b = .233). Within the context of Chinese culture, both of these are likely to be considered progressive and contrary to traditional standards of behavior for young women. Young women also appear to be readily affected by their friends, as the number of friends dating is positively associated (b = .190) with a willingness to kiss on a first date. However, self-esteem yields a negative association with women’s willingness to kiss on a first date (b = −.169), as does pro-natalist attitudes (b = −.147). Among young men, parental educational attainment reveals a negative association (b = −.156), which is directly contrary to the effect shown in the model for women. Clearly, the impact of parental characteristics varies, depending upon whether they involve sons or daughters. Older males are more likely to kiss on a first date (b = .127), as are those who do dating teens think about marriage religious services more frequently (b = .186). It is noteworthy that the desire for heterogamous relationships is positively associated with the willingness to kiss on a first date (b = .219) among men, yet the same positive association is also shown in regard to conservative gender attitudes (b = .381). This may possibly suggest that young men with a more traditional set of attitudes wish to have both ways—to date outside of their own social groups—yet maintain a more traditional (i.e., patriarchal) role within the relationship.

Discussion and conclusions

Overall, both young Chinese women and men expressed a desire to date more frequently, suggesting that the more progressive notions of love and romance may be taking hold within Chinese culture. With the increasing influence of individualism and consumerism, it is not entirely unexpected that Chinese youth should wish to emulate behaviors which they believe to be more “modern” or “western.” Despite their seeming eagerness to be more active in seeking dating partners, there also appears to be considerable adherence to more traditional culture expectations. Specifically, only the minority of both females and males expressed a willingness to have sex on a first date. This pattern is certainly more consistent with traditional expectations concerning what is appropriate behavior for young adults in intimate relationships. As expected, significantly more males than females expressed the willingness to have sex on a first date, yet even among males, more expressed opposition, rather than a willingness to do so. This would again seem to support the existence of long-standing expectations concerning dating. Unlike more westernized beliefs concerning dating, sex and sexual behavior still appear to be outwardly undesired by young Chinese adults of either sex. This conclusion is further supported by the unwillingness of both females and males to kiss on a first date, do dating teens think about marriage. Once again, more males expressed a willingness to do so, yet substantially more males were clearly opposed to this. While these data are intended to provide an exploratory examination of dating attitudes and behaviors, these findings do suggest that both do dating teens think about marriage and more progressive elements are concurrently present in the dating traits of contemporary Chinese young adults.

Gender differences were also noted in regard to the desired partner characteristics, as expressed by females and males. In keeping with long-standing gender stereotypes, females did express a greater preference for more pragmatic qualities in a male partner (i.e., well educated, do dating teens think about marriage, successful, and ambitious). This supports previous research which has noted such gender-based distinctions. Do dating teens think about marriage men, on the hand, only partially conformed to the gender stereotypes for males. Although men did express a greater preference for a “sexy” female partner, no significant differences were shown for the other attributes related to appearance. Hence, while it would appear that a double standard does exist in regard to desired partner attributes, the more stereotyped free adult dating website are found among women and less so among men.

The multivariate models yielded several rather intriguing findings. In particular, it was shown that Chinese women have a greater desire to date more frequently when they have more pragmatic desires in a prospective partner. Chinese men, on the other hand, have a greater desire to date more frequently when they desire a partner with more caring qualities. On the surface, these two patterns offer some substantiation of the traditional gender-typed beliefs that men are seeking love and romance from dating (and from eventual marriage), while women are perhaps regarding dating as a pathway to marriage and the subsequent security (e.g., financial) offered within. Obviously, additional study is necessary in order to more accurately discern and understand these patterns. These findings do lend support do dating teens think about marriage exchange theory, as each sex does appear to be approaching dating and intimate relationships with somewhat different perceptions and goals.

The potential for more progressive (and westernized) traits can also be seen within the models concerning kissing and having sex on a first do dating teens think about marriage. Among females, the regression models revealed that a willingness to date without parental approval (which would be directly counter to traditional cultural iranian dating sites was shown to be associated with a greater willingness to both kiss and have sex on a first date. Essentially, breaking away from parental control is associated with greater sexual expression among young Chinese women. This would certainly be consistent with a tendency toward greater individualism, as suggested previously. In addition, do dating teens think about marriage, women were shown to be more likely to kiss and/or have sex on a first date when they had more friends who do dating teens think about marriage also dating. Once, again, this suggests a strong peer influence, perhaps part of a broader new youth subculture, which is generally considered to be antithetical to parental and familial influence. Finally, women with pro-natalist attitudes (i.e., seeking to have children, one day) were shown to be considerably less willing to kiss and/or have sex on a first date. If the maternal role can be considered to be a more traditional role for women, it would appear that young Chinese women are giving significant priority to the later role of motherhood, as opposed to indulging in more immediate sexual behaviors in the context of dating.

Overall, these findings suggest that contemporary Chinese youth are perhaps forging a path do dating teens think about marriage between the expectations of traditional Chinese culture and the more progressive expectations of an ever-changing modern society. Youth are often at the “cutting edge” do dating teens think about marriage social change, and their attitudes and expectations are often portrayed as being directly contradictory to and even boldly challenging those of their parents. These results do not suggest that a polarized set of expectations are present; instead, it would appear do dating teens think about marriage Chinese youth have found a balance between the two and appear to be content with the combination, do dating teens think about marriage. As stated previously, while researchers have directed considerable efforts toward better understanding the nature and dynamics of dating and mate selection among young adults, most of these efforts have involved Western samples. Hence, much of the theory and conceptual knowledge may not necessarily apply to non-Western samples. In particular, the appropriateness of applying of such existing theories and concepts to Asian cultures has been called into question (Ho et al. 2012). The rapid economic and social change which is occurring in urban centers of China, such as Shanghai, will eventually be evident within the rest of the population, especially as the residential distribution shifts from a rural to an urban majority. Researchers should attempt to address how these ever-shifting social, economic, and political changes will affect not only the dating experiences among the young adult population but also familial structures and behaviors in the longer term.

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This Is the Best Age to Get Married, do dating teens think about marriage, According to Relationship Experts

There are a lot of factors that play into whether you and the person you are dating will make it down the aisle. A relationship’s survival can be determined by communication skills, teamwork, and even just sticking by each other during the low moments. One other consideration to take before tying the knot? Age.

do dating teens think about marriage are a society that had been conditioned to marry right after college, or, in some areas, right after high school,” says Audrey Hope, a celebrity relationship expert. “The culture has a map for us, and if we don’t follow the silent order, we feel that we are doing something wrong and will be left behind and ultimately alone in love.”

The best time to get married is when you feel comfortable and confident in your job and personal life.

Some relationship experts will tell you that age as a number is less important than age as experience. According to April Davis, the founder of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, “There isn't necessarily a best age to get married, but there definitely is a best time to get married. The best time to get married is when you feel comfortable do dating teens think about marriage confident in your job and personal life, do dating teens think about marriage. If you were to give yourself an exact age, you might find that you settle for whomever you're with at that age.”

For some, the best time to think about settling down is in your late 20s, when different parts of your life often start to make more sense and you feel more stable. According to Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist and the founder of Christian Crush, getting married in your late 20s has its perks, since by that age you have had time to complete your education and get your career off the ground. Plus, Fisher says, by then you might be bored with the bar scene and the single lifestyle and feel eager to meet "the one."

From a neurological standpoint, Kelsey Torgerson, a licensed clinical social worker, says that waiting until your brain has fully developed (at age 25) is important. “I believe it’s best to wait until this marker,” she says. “It’s do dating teens think about marriage important to experience stressors with your partner that you overcome, so if you have a high school sweetheart, you should see how you two handle college, long distance, studying abroad, or getting two jobs. You want to know that you have the conflict management strategies in place for a healthy, successful marriage down the road.”

But if you are looking for an exact number to hit before walking down the aisle, Weena Cullins, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in premarital and relationship counseling, has an answer: “In my clinical experience, I’ve found that the best age to get married for women in the U.S. is 28." How did she get that number? “At age 28, do dating teens think about marriage, my soon-to-be-brides exhibit self-awareness and confidence in their choice of a mate. Most 28-year-olds have had the time to successfully explore who they are on a personal and professional level, discover the qualities they desire most in a life partner, and learn from mistakes they made in previous relationships. You’ve had time to get settled in a career, experience college and graduate school if that’s your preferred path, or simply live independently before combining your life."

But when it comes to the best age for men to recite their vows, Cullins says it’s 32. “Waiting until age 32 affords men an opportunity to get settled into a career and potentially pursue professional advancement before tying the knot,” says Cullins. “It also gives them an opportunity to develop socially and emotionally through living on their own and dating. By 32, many men have spent enough time on the social scene to be able to make an informed decision about entering into married life. They also tend to have a sober perspective about having children and their role in co-parenting. This benefits the overall health of the relationship.”

The Best Time of Year to Get Married Based on Your Zodiac Sign

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Making Sense of Teen Dating Lingo

But if you want to provide do dating teens think about marriage and advice when they are talking to you, it is important that you have a good grasp of what it means if your teen says their significant other is "ghosting" them or has "left them on read."

Common Terms

No longer is it enough for do dating teens think about marriage to know just what sexting is. Now, you need to add in "benching," "53X," and so many more terms to your vocabulary.

Ghosting

So, instead of communicating directly, they start behaving like a ghost. When this happens, your teen often checks their phone incessantly looking for a response back, a text, or some sign of life.

Zombieing

Zombieing occurs when the person who ghosted your teen suddenly makes an appearance in their life again. It is like they have come back from the dead.

Slow Fade

This approach is supposedly a kinder, gentler way to ghost someone by slowly fading from the picture. When a slow fade happens, your teen's love interest gradually fades do dating teens think about marriage by making less and less effort to connect. The end result is longer and do dating teens think about marriage amounts of time between replies.

Cuffing

Cuffing most often occurs during the winter months when teens are looking to get in a committed relationship. The goal is to have a boyfriend or girlfriend over the holidays and on Valentine's Day.

Teens may use this term to describe a friend who is seeking out a significant other so they are not alone on romantic holidays.

Curving

DTR

DTR stands for "define the relationship." When teens use this term, they want to have a conversation with their significant other about where the relationship is headed.

Are they a couple? Are they ready to announce it to the world on social media by updating their relationship status? These are do dating teens think about marriage things teens discuss when they use the term DTR.

Deepliking

Benching

Basically, these people are trying to keep your teen on the bench while they play out their other options.

Make sure you tell teens to watch out for anyone that keeps them in limbo this way. This is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Left Me on Read

Leaving someone on read can be a somewhat passive-aggressive way to control the relationship or conversation and an early warning sign for teen dating abuse.

Talking

IRL

Netflix and Chill

To parents, it may sound like the couple is just meeting to hang out and watch television together. But it could mean that their plan is to meet up and make out or have sex.

If you hear your teen use this term, you might want to investigate a little further to see what is really up.

Jelly

Although not used as often as it used to be, jelly stands for jealous or envious. And even though they are using a different word to good mens okcupid dating profiles feeling jealous, the emotions are still the same.

Thirsty

Thirsty means being desperate for something, usually referring to someone's desire to hook up or have sex. For instance, someone might say: "He is so thirsty."

Extra

This term is used to describe someone who is over the top or dramatic. Generally, this is not a complimentary term and is often considered a criticism.

Basic

Like "extra," the term basic is not generally used as a compliment, but instead used as a criticism of another person who tends to like anything that is trendy or popular.

53X

It is a good idea to investigate a little more to see what context it is being used in and what your teen meant by the code.

GNOC

This acronym is short for "get naked on camera" and is often used to pressure someone into sexting or sharing explicit photos.

Turnt

Telltale Signs Your Teenager Has Been Drinking Alcohol

Why Teens Use Their Own Lingo

Many people assume that teens use slang or their own lingo to hide things from parents. But while this may be true in some cases, having their own language so to speak is more about identity than it is about keeping parents do dating teens think about marriage In fact, some psychologists liken it to fashion. Just as teens would rarely wear their parents' clothing, the same is true about using their words.

For the most part, teens use their own lingo as a way to white nationalist dating site their own identity, fit into certain social groups, and express their independence.

But keep in mind that slang is always changing and evolving. What's more, in what feels like no time at all, the list of terms you see above online dating services for over 50 be outdated and replaced with an entirely new set of terms.

Remember, it is normal to have special phrases and terms to describe things. Every generation has done it. And most likely, do dating teens think about marriage, they will keep on doing it. After all, parents today were once strange teens and used weird words like "totally" all the time, do dating teens think about marriage.

What Your Teen Needs to Know About Dating Safely

A Word From Verywell

100 Common Text and Social Media Acronyms Used by Teens

Thanks for your feedback!

Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our do dating teens think about marriage process to learn more about how dating site for nerds and geeks fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Navarro R, Larrañaga E, Yubero S, Víllora B. Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(3):1116. doi:10.3390/ijerph17031116
Giordano PC, do dating teens think about marriage, Soto DA, Manning WD, Longmore MA. The characteristics of romantic relationships associated with teen dating violence. Soc Sci Res. 2010;39(6):863-874. doi:10.1016/j.ssresearch.2010.03.009
Pew Research Center. Teens, Technology, and Romantic Relationships. 2015.
Fabjančič T. Catch Me If You Can! – Slang as a Social Phenomenon and the Issue of Capturing It in Dictionaries. ELOPE. 2010;7(2):27-44. doi:10.4312/elope.7.2.27-44

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Intimate Relationships & Marriage

by Karen Young

No two relationships are the same but the reasons people fall out of love often are.

Love would be so much easier if the line between ‘in love’ and ‘out of love’ was a heavy bold one clearly visible from the distance on a stormy day. It would also be helpful if the path that lead to that line came with warning signs the size of billboards, blaring sirens on approach and a guardrail the length of the Great Wall and the height of the Sydney Opera House. Yes. That would be nice.

No relationship is perfect, most have a make it or break it point and all are damn hard work.

Here are the most common reasons people fall out of love and ways to stop them getting in the way of a happy ending – or any ending at all. Even if the reason for someone leaving looks to be something else, it’s very likely that the falling away started because of one of these.

They don’t feel appreciated.
The emotional resources of a relationship are like any other – they need to be spent and they need to be replenished. The things that mattered at the start still matter and they always will.
It’s not enough to expect someone ‘just to know’ he or she loved. It misses the point. Being openly loving and appreciative is fuel for any relationship and makes an intimate relationship different to any other.
I’ve made this mistake myself – a few times. When my world has become too busy and hectic – kids, work, life – I’ve take the person I love for granted. Eventually, I’ve realised and have able to pull it back. Every time, my cue has been that feeling of missing him – but when he’s right beside me. I can see how easily it would be for a relationship to slide slowly and silently into the zone of housemates, or strangers.
Relationships have a rhythm. They ebb and flow. Sometimes they’ll be at the top of the priority list and sometimes they’ll slip further down. The most important thing is not to let it stay down the list for too long and to be committed to looking after each other and the relationship when the connection starts to run low. There’ll always be enough time for whatever you decide to put as a priority.
You deserve someone who thinks you’re wonderful. So does the person you’re with. Adore them. Appreciate them. Acknowledge them.
If one person is doing all the giving without getting anything back, eventually the well will run dry and so will the relationship. When one – and it only takes one – feels unimportant to the other, the emotional connection will wither – it’s just a matter of time.
It’s easy to take each other for granted when life gets in the way but try these to keep the sparks sparking and the person you love close:
- Notice the little things.
- Say thank you, often.
- Tell them they’re wonderful.
- Acknowledge what you love, even if it’s just the way they look in a white t-shirt.
- Listen with your eyes.
- Make them a cup of tea.
- Say ‘good morning’ or ‘goodnight’ as though it’s good because of them.
- Throw a ‘you’ on the end of ‘Hello’. It makes ‘Hello’ sound like you mean it.
- Be affectionate.
- Praise or compliment them in public.
- Send a text: ‘Missed you today.’
- Kiss slowly. And often.
It makes a difference.
There’s no emotional connection.
The friendship has gone, or perhaps was never there.
Studies have shown that the love and passion that comes with the initial boost of marriage wears off after two years, which is why the best relationships are the ones that have genuine friendship at their core.
When the initial passion cools, a mature, loving, compassionate, relationship takes over. That’s not to say it won’t sizzle sometimes, but being able to connect emotionally is what sustains a long-lasting relationship.
Here are some ways to fuel an emotional connection:
- Talk regularly.
- Call for the sake of it.
- Ask about their day, and listen to the answer.
- Notice when they’re upset.
- Notice when they’re happy.
- Listen when they talk.
- Just because something doesn’t seem important to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t important to them.
- Acknowledge what they are feeling.
- Laugh. At yourselves and with each other.
- Know what’s happening in their world. Don’t just assume that you do.
- Be responsive: When the world is driving them crazy, be the soft place, velvety place for them to curl into.
- Be vulnerable. Open up and let your partner be there for you too.
Boredom. The relationship is in a rut it can’t get out of.
It’s so easy (and when it’s busy, so tempting) to do the same things you’ve always done, but this could lead to a ‘rut’ and eventually drain the relationship.
Nobody wants to feel like you’re with them out of habit, a beautiful habit though they may be.
This is difficult if you have small children (or bigger ones – tell me about it!) but if you can just try someone a little out of the ordinary it will be worth it. Here are some ideas:
- Surprise them with things they love – her favourite magazine, his favourite ice-cream.
- Bring home her favourite bottle of wine and share it with her.
- Bring him a DVD he loves and watch it with him.
- Make dessert.
- Hang out together, not just next to each other, but together.
- Send an email asking him/her on a date with a list of restaurants (or take-away) to choose from.
- Leave a note on the windscreen. Just because.
They’ve lost their sense of self.
Remember the person you fell in love with? What needs to happen to bring them back?
It’s important that both people in the relationship have a healthy independence with their own friends, passions and interests.
Hopefully one of their passions will be you, and one of yours will be them, but having something separate to each other is important to maintain a sense of self.
You are both more than the relationship you’re in and though it’s probably the most important thing in your life, it’s perfectly okay for it not to be the only thing. You fell in love with them because of who they were, not because they were a version of you.
Problems come when the balance between me and us is wrong – too much time pursuing separate lives can be as damaging as having no separation at all. Support them in pursuing what they love.
Negativity has chipped away.
Studies have shown that a healthy relationship:
>> needs 3 positive emotions to counter every negative emotion.
>> needs 5 positive verbal and emotional expressions to counter every negative expression.
The bottom line is that it needs a lot of good to counter any bad.
Negativity takes to trust and intimacy with a chainsaw and includes anything that feels bad – eye rolling, sarcasm, the silent treatment, insults, judgements, mocking, nastiness and emotional indifference. It turns a relationship from being one that feeds the people in it to one that starves them.
The more positive energy there is in a relationship the more affectionate, close and fun it will be.
Don’t judge and don’t criticise. Ever. That doesn’t mean you can’t speak your mind, just don’t be cruel about it.
Loss of physical intimacy.
Physical affection is more than sex and is what holds a relationship together.
It includes any form of affectionate touch and can be as simple as touching his back as you walk past or playing with her hair while you watch TV.
Research has found that non-sexual intimacy is key to long-term happiness in a relationship.
Anything skin-to-skin releases the same bonding chemicals in your brain as sex.
Research has found that humans have an innate ability to interpret emotional messages via touch alone. In a 2009 study, blindfolded people were able to correctly interpret eight distinct emotions (anger, fear disgust, love, gratitude, sympathy, happiness, sadness), solely through the touch of a stranger with 78% accuracy.
Physical intimacy communicates trust and love and is what makes an intimate relationship different to every other relationship.
Loss of physical intimacy can be a death knell and is often the first step towards a loss of emotional intimacy. It’s such a critical part of a relationship that when it’s gone, people will be tempted look for it somewhere else.
Sex is an important part of any relationship, for at least one of you. It’s just another way to fuel the intimacy of your relationship and let the person you love know that they matter. Of course, if both partners agree, a relationship can also survive happily without sex but in these circumstances there will likely be another source of intimacy and affection.
If physical intimacy is missing and you want to bring it back:
- Start complimenting and noticing the little things – and let you partner know.
- Let them know what you appreciate. This will start to bring back the emotional connection.
- Try to touch at least ten times a day, but start small – touching incidentally (a brush when they walk past), then deliberately (holding hands, your hand on his knee, stroking). This can feel awkward and forced when there hasn’t been any physical contact for a while, but keep going anyway. The important thing is to start.

And finally …

Even the strongest relationships have their highs and lows. Being with someone means being attentive and being involved – this takes constant effort, but what a beautiful reward when it works.

Don’t be fooled by the fairy tales. Perhaps they all come with happy endings but the love you want is one with no ending at all. And that will always take more effort than the flourish of a magic wand.

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As parents we often aren’t sure what our role should be when a child is old enough to start dating. Should we be laying down the rules? Minding our own business?

Teenagers do look to us for guidance, though—even when they’d rather die than acknowledge that they are—and we can often have more influence than we realize.

Do look for someone you feel comfortable with

Being comfortable with someone means:

You can be yourself around her.
You can have different opinions on something, and know that it’s okay.
You trust each other when you’re not together.
You aren’t pressured to do things you don’t want to do. (This definitely includes sexual things, but also other things, like going somewhere you don’t want to go, or wearing something you don’t want to wear.)

Don’t forget your friends

Do be your own person

It’s natural to share interests with the person you’re dating, but you also need to keep developing an identity outside of that person, too. Keep thinking about what you like and what you need. Have an interest that’s just yours. It will improve your self-esteem, and being confident in yourself makes you more likely to be confident in your relationship.

Don’t hide from problems

If you encounter a problem in your relationship, don’t panic. A problem does not automatically mean that the relationship is doomed. However, problems only get bigger when people hide from them. It’s much better to admit when something is wrong, talk about it together, and try to fix it together. It might feel scary, or awkward, to do this, but you still should. It will get easier over time, and working through problems is going to be part of any good relationship.

Do know the difference between good and bad conflict

We tend to think of conflict as a bad thing, but it isn’t always. Conflict can even bring a couple closer together if they are able to stick to these rules during a disagreement:

Explain how you feel and be specific
Listen to how she feels and try to be understanding
Avoid generalizations
Don’t bring up past disagreements
Try to say things that are productive—not critical

Do know the signs of an abusive relationship

If you are in an abusive relationship your boyfriend or girlfriend might:

Be constantly critical of you, and make you feel bad
Try to keep you away from your friends or family
Want to check your phone messages
Use social media to monitor where you are and who you are talking to
Threaten that something bad will happen if you break up
Force you to do things you don’t want to do
Make you feel guilty
Hurt you

A few Dos and Don’ts just for parents:

Do listen and communicate with your teen

Kids don’t confide in their parents as much as they get older, so when kids do feel like talking, really make an effort to be available and listen.

Don’t look squeamish

You (and your teen) might feel awkward talking about romantic relationships, but do your best to look comfortable during any talks. If you look too worried or negative they will be less likely to come to you if they want to talk.

Don’t recreate Romeo and Juliet

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Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Mutual respect. Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life. In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
Good communication. Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you? Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

Page 1

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

Warning Signs

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

Page 2

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

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Making Sense of Teen Dating Lingo

Common Terms

No longer is it enough for parents to know just what sexting is. Now, you need to add in "benching," "53X," and so many more terms to your vocabulary.

Ghosting

So, instead of communicating directly, they start behaving like a ghost. When this happens, your teen often checks their phone incessantly looking for a response back, a text, or some sign of life.

Zombieing

Zombieing occurs when the person who ghosted your teen suddenly makes an appearance in their life again. It is like they have come back from the dead.

Slow Fade

Cuffing

Cuffing most often occurs during the winter months when teens are looking to get in a committed relationship. The goal is to have a boyfriend or girlfriend over the holidays and on Valentine's Day.

Teens may use this term to describe a friend who is seeking out a significant other so they are not alone on romantic holidays.

Curving

DTR

DTR stands for "define the relationship." When teens use this term, they want to have a conversation with their significant other about where the relationship is headed.

Are they a couple? Are they ready to announce it to the world on social media by updating their relationship status? These are the things teens discuss when they use the term DTR.

Deepliking

Benching

Basically, these people are trying to keep your teen on the bench while they play out their other options.

Make sure you tell teens to watch out for anyone that keeps them in limbo this way. This is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Left Me on Read

Leaving someone on read can be a somewhat passive-aggressive way to control the relationship or conversation and an early warning sign for teen dating abuse.

Talking

IRL

Netflix and Chill

To parents, it may sound like the couple is just meeting to hang out and watch television together. But it could mean that their plan is to meet up and make out or have sex.

If you hear your teen use this term, you might want to investigate a little further to see what is really up.

Jelly

Although not used as often as it used to be, jelly stands for jealous or envious. And even though they are using a different word to describe feeling jealous, the emotions are still the same.

Thirsty

Thirsty means being desperate for something, usually referring to someone's desire to hook up or have sex. For instance, someone might say: "He is so thirsty."

Extra

This term is used to describe someone who is over the top or dramatic. Generally, this is not a complimentary term and is often considered a criticism.

Basic

Like "extra," the term basic is not generally used as a compliment, but instead used as a criticism of another person who tends to like anything that is trendy or popular.

53X

It is a good idea to investigate a little more to see what context it is being used in and what your teen meant by the code.

GNOC

This acronym is short for "get naked on camera" and is often used to pressure someone into sexting or sharing explicit photos.

Turnt

Telltale Signs Your Teenager Has Been Drinking Alcohol

Why Teens Use Their Own Lingo

In fact, some psychologists liken it to fashion. Just as teens would rarely wear their parents' clothing, the same is true about using their words.

For the most part, teens use their own lingo as a way to create their own identity, fit into certain social groups, and express their independence.

What Your Teen Needs to Know About Dating Safely

A Word From Verywell

100 Common Text and Social Media Acronyms Used by Teens

Thanks for your feedback!

Navarro R, Larrañaga E, Yubero S, Víllora B. Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020;17(3):1116. doi:10.3390/ijerph17031116
Giordano PC, Soto DA, Manning WD, Longmore MA. The characteristics of romantic relationships associated with teen dating violence. Soc Sci Res. 2010;39(6):863-874. doi:10.1016/j.ssresearch.2010.03.009
Pew Research Center. Teens, Technology, and Romantic Relationships. 2015.
Fabjančič T. Catch Me If You Can! – Slang as a Social Phenomenon and the Issue of Capturing It in Dictionaries. ELOPE. 2010;7(2):27-44. doi:10.4312/elope.7.2.27-44

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This Is the Best Age to Get Married, According to Relationship Experts

“We are a society that had been conditioned to marry right after college, or, in some areas, right after high school,” says Audrey Hope, a celebrity relationship expert. “The culture has a map for us, and if we don’t follow the silent order, we feel that we are doing something wrong and will be left behind and ultimately alone in love.”

The best time to get married is when you feel comfortable and confident in your job and personal life.

Some relationship experts will tell you that age as a number is less important than age as experience. According to April Davis, the founder of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, “There isn't necessarily a best age to get married, but there definitely is a best time to get married. The best time to get married is when you feel comfortable and confident in your job and personal life. If you were to give yourself an exact age, you might find that you settle for whomever you're with at that age.”

From a neurological standpoint, Kelsey Torgerson, a licensed clinical social worker, says that waiting until your brain has fully developed (at age 25) is important. “I believe it’s best to wait until this marker,” she says. “It’s also important to experience stressors with your partner that you overcome, so if you have a high school sweetheart, you should see how you two handle college, long distance, studying abroad, or getting two jobs. You want to know that you have the conflict management strategies in place for a healthy, successful marriage down the road.”

But if you are looking for an exact number to hit before walking down the aisle, Weena Cullins, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in premarital and relationship counseling, has an answer: “In my clinical experience, I’ve found that the best age to get married for women in the U.S. is 28." How did she get that number? “At age 28, my soon-to-be-brides exhibit self-awareness and confidence in their choice of a mate. Most 28-year-olds have had the time to successfully explore who they are on a personal and professional level, discover the qualities they desire most in a life partner, and learn from mistakes they made in previous relationships. You’ve had time to get settled in a career, experience college and graduate school if that’s your preferred path, or simply live independently before combining your life."

The Best Time of Year to Get Married Based on Your Zodiac Sign

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