“Would you ever consider dating a guy who was shorter than you?”

It was a year after college, and the person asking me that was a guy I had just started casually dating. He actually was a couple inches taller than me, but the question caught me off guard. It was as if he had peeped in on my mental conversation earlier that afternoon, when I was debating whether I should wear wedges or flats.

“I don’t really know . . . probably not,” I awkwardly admitted, embarrassed that I had gone with the two-inch wedges. While he probably just asked this question out of banal curiosity—he wasn’t exactly the tallest guy in the world—little did he know how loaded this question really was.

And little did I know how my answer would change.

Years before this, I went to an all-female high school, which meant that if there were going to be boys present at a dance, we had to invite them. I distinctly remember brainstorming who I was going to invite to my first dance as a freshman. “What about your friend Mark?” my mom asked. Sure, Mark was my buddy from childhood—we talked on AIM all the time. He was cute, friendly, funny, and pretty much the ideal first-dance date candidate except for one thing: He was a couple inches shorter than me. I looked at my mom, completely outraged. “Mom! I couldn’t wear heels with him!”

She laughed at me and said, “Oh, I promise, your priorities are going to change.”

“Not about that,” I replied.

And for a while, I was right—and adamantly so. When Mark asked me to his dance months later, I not-so-politely declined—“Oh, Mark, you know we are just friends”—and instead accepted a later invitation from his significantly taller but significantly less charming friend. Through high school and college, and even into my early twenties, with beau after beau, height was one of the defining characteristics in what I found attractive in a man. If I still felt petite wearing four-inch heels with my frame of 5 feet 6 inches, he was worth my attention.

Slowly, this extreme standard of height waned, but I still felt awkward if he was near as tall as I was. After all, shouldn’t the right man make me feel feminine and small?

Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad in finding your man’s height swoon-worthy. Yet, when I think about why I thought tall guys were more attractive, I found that it boiled down to one thing: my own insecurities. Tall guys made me feel dainty and lithe. While I didn’t exactly have an eating disorder, I can’t recall a time during my adolescence when I wasn’t on some sort of diet. Prioritizing height on my checklist seemed like an easy way to avoid my issue with my weight. Looking back, it was all about me.

I came to realize that this idea of the right man fixing my insecurities permeated my dating criteria. When I dreamed of my future romances, all I thought about was how he’d make me feel. I imagined looking up at him, feeling his large muscular build protect me from the world. In one swift swoop—like a scene out of Hercules—he’d lift me up with one hand, and I’d laugh. And he’d tell me I’m tiny.

While describing this vision might sound absolutely ridiculous (please, someone, laugh at me), I know I was certainly not alone in this opinion. Hang out in any girl’s college dorm room for long enough, and you know: Height matters in dating.

“I just want to be smaller, like you,” I remember one college friend—one exceptionally tall and exceptionally gorgeous college friend—telling me as I slid on my heels for that night’s outing. “Then maybe I would feel less like a giraffe and more like a girl.”

Since when did true femininity have anything to do with size? Why do so many women feel the need to shrink away, as I did, when I was wearing those wedges? Is it because we are constantly comparing ourselves to a tiny female archetype, in order to complement the prevailing tall and muscular male ideal? Or have we bought the idea that we need to be smaller in order to be loved? Whether it’s weight or height, one thing is for certain: Women generally don’t like feeling big.

Life has a funny way of working. Only weeks after that guy asked if I would hypothetically be interested in a man shorter than me, I unexpectedly met the man who would become my husband at an Iron and Wine concert in Chicago. During the night, I was so engrossed in conversation with him, I didn’t even notice that he was a whopping one inch shorter than me.

What I did notice was his sharp wit and his smile. His kindness, his confidence, and his laugh. And while he makes me feel feminine, one thing’s for certain: He never makes me feel like I need to be smaller.

If you told me five years ago that the man I’d end up marrying would be shorter than me, I’d laugh in your face. But as Julia Hogan eloquently points out, sometimes we really don’t know who’s good for us until we meet him. I met Jason a year before Tinder existed, but upon reading Isaac Huss’ article about how dating apps leave us restless for the perfect option, I cringe to think that if I had seen him on Tinder, I probably would have swiped left after seeing his height.

In a weird twist of fate, a year into dating Jason, we were at another concert together, and we ran into my old childhood friend Mark. When Mark shook hands with my husband, I realized that they stood at the exact same height. I think fate has a sense of humor—and some awesome lessons.

Your exes may have more in common than their hair color: They’re likely all close to eye level with you, too, new research from the University of Edinburgh suggests.

After analyzing the DNA sequence of more than 13,000 couples, the researchers found that couples in committed relationships tend to share many of the same genes that play a role in determining height. 

The likely reason: a biological courtship called isopraxism, which means “same behavior,” says David Givens, Ph.D., author of Love Signals.

The “like attracts like” principle is based on an innate feeling that “same is safe,” he says. So any differences in appearance—say, like a mate that is much taller or shorter—may signal danger, since it strays away from the norm you’re used to.

This doesn’t mean you’re attracted to mates that are your exact height, however. Guys generally wind up with women around the same height or a couple inches shorter than them. Ladies go for dudes who stand at their height or a couple inches taller, says Gordon Gallup, Ph.D., an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Albany.   

This trend could serve a bigger purpose, which is to stabilize the distribution of height in the population, he says. 

If men and women both preferred only taller or only shorter mates, the height distribution would shift—creating a semi-taller or semi-shorter society.

And that matters, because there are important health costs associated with being very tall or very short, Gallup says. 

Related: Who’s Healthier: Tall or Short Men?

Extra inches, for example, have been linked to an increased risk of cancers and a shorter life expectancy. Short folks, on the other hand, may have an increased risk of heart problems.

As any scientist will tell you, there are no absolutes. There are always outliers. After all, former NFL player Eric Johnson is 6’3”, seems ridiculously happy with his 5-foot-3 wife, singer Jessica Simpson.

So go ahead and flirt with the beautiful 6-foot-tall brunette and the gorgeous 5-foot-tall redhead at the bar. From pheromones to age to even the depth of her voice, there are thousands of other factors at play when it comes to attraction. Either one could be your next potential date. 

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

1. “I’m 5’6 and I wouldn’t consider seriously dating any man that’s shorter than I am. I’ve met plenty of shorter man that were nice and would have been hot if they were around six feet tall but I just don’t find someone attractive unless I have to look up to them.”

—Jane, 25

2. “At 5’11 I’ve nearly always been as tall or taller than the men I meet so I think I’ve got a different perspective on how it’s significant. The shorter men I’ve dated (some as short as 5’5) and I share a similar problem, we’re seen as less desirable. Lots of men don’t want a woman taller or as tall as they are because they want to see their woman as fragile baby dolls and lots of women want a man taller than them so they can feel like they’re dating someone who’s big and powerful. Both are shallow. I’ve met men that basically wrote me off as soon as we met because I was tall. However, the men who were below average in height are usually the guys that aren’t intimidated and are more likely to care about the kind of person I am.”

—Andrea, 21

3. “I prefer girls that are a lot shorter and smaller than I am. Mostly so I can pick them up and toss them around during sex. I’ve yet to meet a girl that didn’t like that.”

—Brad, 20

4. “I like tall guys but there’s such a thing as too tall. Like, if you have to bend all the way over just to kiss me then I’m going to feel like a child kissing an adult which is weird and creepy. I don’t want to feel like we’re different species. I’m 5’2.”

—Margaret, 23

5. “I’m a shorter guy and I’ve always had a thing for tall women as in the taller the better. I dated a woman who was 6’2 for nearly a year and her legs went on for days. I just think they’re beautiful and amazing.”

—Jim, 26

6. “I’m a somewhat tallish woman, about 5’8, and while I prefer dudes around my height I don’t have any rule about it. I’ve dated short ones and tall ones and never gave it much thought in terms of what is or isn’t a dealbreaker cause I mostly don’t care.”

—Nancy, 24

7. “I wouldn’t date a man who was abnormally short, like five feet tall or something. I’d feel like I was dating a little boy.”

—Ariel, 27

8. “I like a woman to be shorter than me. I don’t know why. It just seems more normal somehow.”

—Chad, 22

9. “I’m 6’5 and I don’t have a particular preference when it comes to how tall the lady is. What I have noticed is that the short girls I’ve dated were the ones that went on and on about how tall I was. I can also tell you that tall women enjoy not being taller than their date every once in a while but also seemed to care less about it than shorter women which is counterintuitive.”

—Chris, 26

10. “Short guy here, most girls definitely prefer men that are average or taller but I honestly think there’s a lot of social pressure for them to feel that way to sort of live up to how the hollywood couples look. Immature girls, like immature boys, tend to want things that are acceptable in pop culture because they’re young, stupid, and don’t have opinions of their own based on life experience. Once I got older, I quickly started noticing that me only being 5’5 mattered less to adult women than it did to 20 somethings still trying to meet their ‘dream guy’.”

—Devin, 29

11. “It’s all about confidence. If a guy is short and insecure about it then he’s going to be unattractive because he’s insecure, not because he’s short.”

—Pamela, 25

12. “I used to care about how tall a guy was back when I was in high school and had a crush on this guy on the basketball team but it’s something I’ve mostly grown out of. My boyfriend is the same height as me, 5’6, and he’s hot af.”

—Sharon, 19

13. “Eh, it matters, sorry to say it does but it does. I want to be able to wear heels and not tower over my man and I’m not spending the rest of my life in flats.”

—Angela, 26

14. “I have a thing for tall guys so it definitely matters to me. Sorry, not sorry, I like what I like and I’m not ashamed.”

—Rachel, 22

15. “I prefer girls that are shorter than me but I actually don’t know why. Now that I’m sitting here thinking about it there’s no real reason for me to prefer one over the other. Maybe it’s because my Mom is short, something weird like that? I don’t know. I sort of feel like I should reconsider now.”

—Joe, 23

16. “I’ve dated short and tall. The girls I know that all demand their man be six feet or taller are always short or average themselves and absolute shallow cunts. If you’re a guy and you’re reading this then take heed, they’re doing you a favor by being so openly crappy about how short they think you are.”

—Anna, 27

Dear Mona,

What is the average height differential between men and women in heterosexual relationships?

Thanks,

John, 24, New York

Dear John,

As you know, I’ve already written back to ask why you were so curious about the height of romance — partly because I wanted to make sure I was using relevant data and partly because I’m just plain nosy. The information you provided is, I think, significant: You’re heterosexual, 5 feet 6 and came up with this question while you “and a fellow short friend were lamenting about heels.”

Before I started researching this topic, I held two assumptions that you might share:

1. Men tend to be taller than women.
2. Women tend to prefer taller men.

It turns out both of those are correct, but the number of inches we’re talking about is still pretty fascinating. What’s more, there are studies that show who’s choosing a partner based on height, why they’re doing it and how height differs in homosexual relationships.

Wanting to measure the height difference in existing couples (as opposed to people’s preferences for a partner — we’ll come to those later), researchers in the Netherlands used survey data from 12,502 couples who were the parents to babies born in the U.K. in 2000. Their peer-reviewed study, published online in 2013, found that in 92.5 percent of couples, the man was taller than the woman and that the average height difference was 14.1 centimeters, or 5.6 inches.

Men taller than women might be the norm, but you can see how many outliers there are and how far out they’re lying when you take a closer look at the data. Just 3.4 percent of couples were of the same height, and in 4.1 percent of couples, the woman was taller than the man. Even though men were on average almost half a foot taller than women, there was a big standard deviation of 9.3 centimeters (3.7 inches) either way. Here’s what those results look like when they’re charted out:

Things aren’t so different in the United States. In 2009, the Panel Study of Income Dynamics, a survey of more than 5,000 families by the University of Michigan, found that 92.2 percent of men were taller than their spouses (in 1986, that figure was 92.7 percent).

Despite that similarity, the findings from the study of U.K. couples might not be perfectly applicable to you. First, they’re only based on couples with children. Second, because height is related to ethnicity, the researchers only included white couples in their findings. Third, they couldn’t be sure of causality. Setting aside metaphysical questions about love, the researchers found that height is correlated with education, and there’s evidence that people choose partners based on their education level.

But there’s a bigger issue here — maybe you’ve already spotted it, John: Men tend to be taller than women anyway. Is it really so surprising that only 7.5 percent of heterosexual couples don’t include a man who is taller than a woman?

Yes, it is. The Dutch researchers checked this by seeing what would happen if they assigned couples together at random. If choice were out of their hands, 10.2 percent of heterosexual couples would have a man either the same height or shorter than the woman — the reality is 26 percent lower than that.

So, there seems to be some element of choice here. To find out who is doing the choosing, we need to look at a study published this year in the Journal of Family Issues. The authors looked at 925 personal ads of individuals in the U.S. seeking heterosexual relationships posted on Yahoo (they used data from the General Social Survey to weight those ads and make sure they were nationally representative in terms of age, geography, race, income, etc.).

The study found that women’s height preferences are far stronger than men’s. Forty-nine percent of women only wanted to date men who were taller than they were, whereas only 13.5 percent of men only wanted to date women shorter than they were. By contrast, only 1.7 percent of women said they would only date a shorter man — a conveniently similar figure to the 1.3 percent of men who say they would only date a taller woman.

Before you go critiquing women’s picky and primitive mating choices, I’d like to point you in the direction of abundant research that suggests that men choose female partners based on their waist-to-hip ratio. Unsurprisingly, physical attributes (either height or width) probably aren’t the smartest basis for choosing a partner. In fact, John, shorter men like you (the average height for a male adult in the U.S. is 5 feet 9) might be a real catch. A study published in the National Bureau of Economic Research in August found that shorter men tend to divorce at lower rates (though it also found that men who are shorter than their spouses do less housework than men who are taller than their spouses).

Your question might have been solely about heterosexual couples, but I wondered about the estimated 700,000 U.S. households headed by a same-sex couple. One of the first studies about the height preferences of homosexual couples was published in January. Researchers conducted an online survey of 541 gay men and found that about half preferred a partner to be taller than themselves, a quarter of respondents preferred to be of equal height and the rest liked partners shorter than themselves.

But the researchers found that those results were affected by how tall the respondent was in relation to the average — taller men preferred shorter partners while shorter men preferred taller partners. If dating is a game, then that sounds like a pretty sensible strategy doesn’t it?

It’s not only gay men who base their height preferences on their own height. A 2003 study published by the Royal Society found that height preferences were informed, at least in part, by pragmatism rather than some evolutionarily hard-wired instinct. When presented with a diagram of different height differentials (reproduced below), the 524 Polish students surveyed chose differently on the basis of their own height. Tall men and short women expressed a preference for a bigger difference in height than short men and tall women did. The author concluded that this preference strategy “allows them to increase the pool of potential partners and therefore their chances on the mate market.”

Finally, a warning for everyone who has a height preference and is looking for a partner online: People lie. Christian Rudder, one of the founders of OKCupid, used information from the dating site’s millions of users and concluded that men and women are probably 2 inches shorter than they claim to be.

The long and short of it is that in heterosexual relationships, men tend to be taller than women and almost half of women prefer it that way. Don’t despair though, John, if you’re one of the 13.5 percent of men who are looking for a shorter female partner. You should know that the average height of a U.S. woman is 5 foot 4. That means there are plenty of possible matches out there for you (once they take off those lamentable heels).

Hope the numbers help,

Mona

Have a question you would like answered here? Send it to dearmona@fivethirtyeight.com or @MonaChalabi.

CORRECTION (10:00 a.m., Dec. 5): A previous version of this article incorrectly said that if heterosexual couples were randomly assigned, the chance of the man being the same height or shorter than the woman would be 26 percent higher than it is in reality. That chance is 36 percent higher (10.2 percent vs. 7.5 percent) than it is in reality. However, the reality is also 26 percent lower than random chance, and an earlier version of this correction could have been read to say that the random chance of a man being shorter than his partner is 26 percent lower than the reality. You can see why we were confused.

Our society has set this idea that a perfect couple comprises the tall man and the short woman, and our community also placed this notion that girls only date those who are taller than them and that guys prefer to date shorter girls. It often creates the feeling for other couples that they don’t fit the set standards, but have we ever considered those girls and guys who like to date someone of the same height? Because just like the rest of our physical features, height shouldn’t be a basis for us to use to be friends or lovers with someone.

The “tall-boy” feat “short-girl” couple is not the only cute thing that can showcase a cute or perfect relationship. Height doesn’t necessarily add anything to a particular relationship, nor does it escalate whatever you have with your partner. Dating someone with the same size as yours can be just as perfect, even though the media doesn’t give much limelight to it. The following are the perks of dating boys and girls of the same height.

It’s also a bonus because you can always hug your partner with ease whenever you wanted to, and the same goes for holding hands or locking arms when crossing the street. It doesn’t take too much effort to throw your arms and place them on your partner’s shoulders, and it also doesn’t take time to give and tease them with hair patting and ruffling as well as whispering words to their ears. It’s also not that dreadful to make sure that both of you are covered when carrying the umbrella because it’s the exact safe position because of your similar height. You can also take turns!

We don’t have to experience the terrifying numbing and muscle aching moments of trying to fit each other inside a single frame for a single photo. When dating someone of the same height, no matter where one is standing, it’s easy to shuffle on your feet and find a spot where both of you can easily fit. There are no complicated angles or awkward hand and feet positioning and bending. It naturally comes as if it’s the perfect angle without trying so hard about it. Usually, no selfie-sticks are required.

When you’re dating someone, you want to look for your potential significant other’s internal attributes. When you truly love someone, the physical characteristics only come off as a bonus because what matters the most is the personality and the feelings that your partner can offer and show. Because in the end, one can never have complete control over one’s height. It’ll just end up as a matter of numbers, and it will only serve as a matter of preferences on the first half of your first few dates. It will hardly matter when you’re in a relationship that means a lot and when it gets built into a solid foundation.

Nowadays, no one truly cares about height anymore as long as they can go to someone who means a lot to them and to the ones who love them equally the way they do. It’s not something to pick on on a severe note because it’s not that intense to serve as an issue in a relationship. It’s your relationship, and things will all boil down to how serious the person is when it comes to their love for you. When you managed to find love, the height, and other physical attributes wouldn’t be too much of a big deal.

In all honesty, following society’s set standards for yourself and a relationship isn’t necessary. They implied that men have to be taller, and women have to be shorter, that the mixture looks better most of the time. But in reality, it doesn’t work like that. Because as long as you have feelings for the person, you can always go for it. Height wouldn’t matter after you fall in love.

Same height couple benefits

1. You can wear your boyfriend’s clothing

2. Shopping for gifts for your significant other becomes much easier

3. You don’t have to crane your neck to kiss your boyfriend

4.Intimacy is easier

5.More sex positions in bed

6. You can wear flats when going out with your boyfriend

7.Taking selfies

8. Perfect match

Same Height Couple Problems

1.Spooning is uncomfortable

2. You might not be able to wear heels around your boyfriend

3. Lack of security if your boyfriend tends to be on the shorter side

4. The little inconveniences...if both of you are short...

5.If both of you are very tall…

Too tall for doorway

6. If both of you are extremely tall or short…

Quotes on Same Height Couples

Famous Celebrities Who are the Same Height

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend

https://www.flickr.com/photos/disneyabc/17610072450

Tina Fey and Jeff Richmond

https://www.flickr.com/photos/nickstep/4501968186

Faith Hill and Tim Mcgraw

https://www.flickr.com/photos/disneyabc/30706542446

Summary

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Dear Mona,

What is the average height differential between men and women in heterosexual relationships?

Thanks,

John, 24, New York

Dear John,

As you know, I’ve already written back to ask why you were so curious about the height of romance — partly because I wanted to make sure I was using relevant data and partly because I’m just plain nosy. The information you provided is, I think, significant: You’re heterosexual, 5 feet 6 and came up with this question while you “and a fellow short friend were lamenting about heels.”

Before I started researching this topic, I held two assumptions that you might share:

1. Men tend to be taller than women.
2. Women tend to prefer taller men.

It turns out both of those are correct, but the number of inches we’re talking about is still pretty fascinating. What’s more, there are studies that show who’s choosing a partner based on height, why they’re doing it and how height differs in homosexual relationships.

Wanting to measure the height difference in existing couples (as opposed to people’s preferences for a partner — we’ll come to those later), researchers in the Netherlands used survey data from 12,502 couples who were the parents to babies born in the U.K. in 2000. Their peer-reviewed study, published online in 2013, found that in 92.5 percent of couples, the man was taller than the woman and that the average height difference was 14.1 centimeters, or 5.6 inches.

Men taller than women might be the norm, but you can see how many outliers there are and how far out they’re lying when you take a closer look at the data. Just 3.4 percent of couples were of the same height, and in 4.1 percent of couples, the woman was taller than the man. Even though men were on average almost half a foot taller than women, there was a big standard deviation of 9.3 centimeters (3.7 inches) dating a guy the same height as you way. Here’s what those results look like when they’re charted out:

Things aren’t so different in the United States. In 2009, the Panel Study of Income Dynamics, a survey of more than 5,000 families by the University of Michigan, found that 92.2 percent of men were taller than their spouses (in 1986, that figure was 92.7 percent).

Despite that similarity, the findings from the study of U.K. couples might not be perfectly applicable to you. First, they’re only based on couples with children. Second, dating a guy the same height as you, because height is related to ethnicity, the researchers only included white couples in their findings. Third, they couldn’t be sure of causality. Setting aside metaphysical questions about love, the researchers found that height is correlated with education, and there’s evidence that people choose partners based on their education level.

But there’s a bigger issue here — maybe you’ve already spotted it, John: Men tend to be taller than women anyway. Is it really so surprising that only 7.5 percent of heterosexual couples don’t include a man who is taller than a woman?

Yes, it is. The Dutch researchers checked this by seeing what would happen if they assigned couples together at random. If choice were out of their hands, 10.2 percent of heterosexual couples would have a man either the same height or shorter than the woman — the reality is 26 percent lower than that.

So, there seems to be some element of choice here. To find out who is doing the choosing, dating a guy the same height as you, we need to look at a study published this year in the Journal of Family Issues. The authors looked at 925 personal ads of individuals in the U.S. seeking heterosexual relationships posted on Yahoo (they used data from the General Social Survey to weight those ads and make sure they were nationally representative in terms of age, geography, race, income, etc.).

The study found that women’s height preferences are far stronger than men’s. Forty-nine percent of women only wanted to date men who were taller than they were, whereas only 13.5 percent of men only wanted to date women shorter than they were. By contrast, only 1.7 percent of women said they would only date a shorter man — a conveniently similar figure to the 1.3 percent of men who say they would only date a taller woman.

Before you go critiquing women’s picky and primitive mating choices, I’d like to point you in the direction of abundant research that suggests that men choose female partners based on their waist-to-hip ratio. Unsurprisingly, physical attributes (either height or width) probably aren’t the smartest basis for choosing a partner. In fact, John, shorter men like you (the average height for a male adult in the U.S. is 5 feet 9) might be a real catch. A study published in the National Bureau of Economic Research in August found that shorter men tend to divorce at lower rates (though it also found that men who are shorter than their spouses do less housework than men who are taller than their spouses).

Your question might have been solely about heterosexual couples, but I wondered about the estimated 700,000 U.S. households headed by a same-sex couple. One of the first studies about the height preferences of homosexual couples was published in January. Researchers conducted an online survey of 541 gay men and found that about half preferred a partner to be taller than themselves, a quarter of respondents preferred to be of equal height and the rest liked partners shorter than themselves.

But the researchers found that those results were affected by how tall the respondent was in relation to the average — taller men preferred shorter partners while shorter men preferred taller partners. If dating is a game, then that sounds like a pretty sensible strategy doesn’t it?

It’s not only gay men who base their height preferences on their own height. A 2003 study published by the Royal Society found that height preferences were informed, at least in part, by pragmatism rather than some evolutionarily hard-wired instinct. When presented with a diagram of different height differentials (reproduced below), the 524 Giving up on online dating reddit students surveyed chose differently on the basis of their own height. Tall men and short women expressed a preference for a bigger difference in height than short men and tall women did. The author concluded that this preference strategy “allows them to increase the pool of potential partners and therefore their chances on the mate market.”

Finally, a warning for everyone who has a height preference and is looking for a partner online: People lie. Christian Rudder, one of the founders of OKCupid, used information from the dating site’s millions of users and concluded that men and women are probably 2 inches shorter than they claim to be.

The long and short of it is that in heterosexual relationships, men tend to be taller than women and almost half of women prefer it that way. Don’t despair though, John, if you’re one of the 13.5 percent of kitten play dating site who are looking for a shorter female partner. You should know that the average height of a U.S. woman is 5 foot 4. That means there are plenty of possible matches out there for you (once they take off those lamentable heels).

Hope the numbers help,

Mona

Have a question you would like answered here? Send it to dearmona@fivethirtyeight.com or @MonaChalabi.

CORRECTION (10:00 a.m., Dec. 5): A previous version of this article incorrectly said that if heterosexual couples were randomly assigned, the chance of the man being the same height or shorter than the woman would be 26 percent higher than it is in reality. That chance is 36 percent higher (10.2 percent vs. 7.5 percent) than it is in reality. However, the reality is also 26 percent adult dating sacramento than random chance, dating a guy the same height as you, and an earlier version of this correction could have been read to say that the random chance of a man being shorter than his partner is 26 percent lower than the reality. You can see why we were confused.

1. “I’m 5’6 and I wouldn’t consider seriously dating any man that’s shorter than I am. I’ve met plenty of shorter man that were nice and would have been hot if they were around six feet tall but I just don’t find someone attractive unless I have to look up to them.”

—Jane, 25

2. “At 5’11 I’ve nearly always been as tall or taller than the men I meet so I think I’ve got a different perspective on how it’s significant. The shorter men I’ve dated (some as short as 5’5) and I share a similar problem, we’re seen as less desirable. Lots of men don’t want a online dating rejection taller or as tall as they are because they want to see their woman as fragile baby dolls and lots of women want a man taller than them so they can feel like they’re dating someone who’s big and powerful. Black senior community dating are shallow. I’ve met men that basically wrote me off as soon as we met because Asian dating websites that are scams was tall. However, the men who were below average in height are usually the guys that aren’t intimidated and are more likely to care about the kind of person I am.”

—Andrea, 21

3. “I prefer girls that are a lot shorter and smaller than I am. Mostly so I can pick them up and toss them around during sex. I’ve yet to meet a girl that didn’t like that.”

—Brad, 20

4. “I like tall guys but there’s such a thing as too tall. Like, if you have to bend all the way over just to kiss me then I’m going to feel like a child kissing an adult which is weird and creepy. I don’t want to feel like we’re different species. I’m 5’2.”

—Margaret, 23

5. “I’m a shorter guy and I’ve always had a thing for tall women as in the taller the better. I dated a woman who was 6’2 for nearly a year and her legs went on for days. I just think they’re beautiful and amazing.”

—Jim, dating a guy the same height as you, 26

6. “I’m a somewhat tallish woman, about 5’8, and while I prefer dudes around my height I don’t have any rule about it. I’ve dated short ones and tall ones and never gave it much thought in terms of what is or isn’t a dealbreaker cause I mostly don’t care.”

—Nancy, 24

7. “I wouldn’t date a man who was abnormally short, like five feet tall or dating a guy the same height as you. I’d feel like I was dating a little boy.”

—Ariel, 27

8. “I like a woman to be shorter than me. I don’t know why. It just seems more normal somehow.”

—Chad, 22

9. “I’m 6’5 and I don’t have a particular preference when it comes to how tall the lady is, dating a guy the same height as you. What I have noticed is that the short girls I’ve dated were the ones that went on and on about how tall I was. I can also tell you that tall women enjoy not being taller dating a guy the same height as you their date every once in a while but also seemed to care less about it than shorter women which is counterintuitive.”

—Chris, 26

10. “Short guy here, most girls definitely prefer men that are average or taller but I honestly think there’s a lot of social pressure for them to feel that way to sort of live up to how the hollywood couples look. Immature girls, like dating site business model boys, tend to want things that are acceptable in pop culture because they’re young, stupid, and don’t have opinions of their own based on life experience. Once I got older, I quickly started noticing that dating a guy the same height as you only being 5’5 mattered less to adult women than it did to 20 somethings still trying to meet their ‘dream guy’.”

—Devin, 29

11. “It’s all about confidence. If a guy is short and insecure about it then he’s going to be unattractive because he’s insecure, not because he’s short.”

—Pamela, 25

12. “I used to care about how tall a guy was back when I was in high school and had a crush on this guy on the basketball team but it’s something I’ve mostly grown out of. My boyfriend is the same height as me, 5’6, and he’s hot af.”

—Sharon, 19

13. “Eh, it matters, sorry to say it does but it does. I want to be able to wear heels and not tower over my man and I’m not spending the rest of my life in flats.”

—Angela, 26

14. “I have a thing for tall guys so it definitely matters to me. Sorry, not sorry, I like what I like and I’m not ashamed.”

—Rachel, 22

15. “I prefer girls that are shorter than me but I actually don’t know why. Now that I’m sitting here thinking about it there’s no real reason for me to prefer one over the other. Maybe it’s because my Mom is short, something weird like that? I don’t know. I sort of feel like I should reconsider now.”

—Joe, 23

16. “I’ve dated short and tall. The girls I know that all demand their man be six feet or taller are always short or average themselves and absolute shallow cunts. If you’re a guy and you’re reading this then take heed, they’re doing you a favor by being so openly crappy about how short they think you are.”

—Anna, 27

“Would you ever consider dating a guy who free tg dating shorter than you?”

It was a year after college, and the person asking me that was a guy I had just started casually dating. He actually was a couple inches taller than me, but the question caught me off guard. It was as if he had peeped in on my mental conversation earlier that afternoon, when I was debating whether I should wear wedges or flats.

“I don’t really know . . probably not,” I awkwardly admitted, embarrassed that I had gone with the dating a guy the same height as you wedges. While he probably just asked this question out of banal curiosity—he wasn’t exactly the tallest guy in the world—little did he know how loaded this question really was.

And little did I know how my answer would change.

Years before this, I went to an all-female high school, which meant that if there were going to be boys present at a dance, we had to invite them. I distinctly remember brainstorming who I was going to invite to my first dance as a freshman. “What about your friend Mark?” my mom asked. Sure, Mark was my buddy from childhood—we talked on AIM all the time. He was cute, friendly, funny, and pretty much the ideal first-dance date candidate except for one thing: He was a couple inches shorter than me. I looked at my mom, completely outraged. “Mom! I couldn’t wear heels with him!”

She laughed at me and said, “Oh, I promise, your priorities are going to change.”

“Not about that,” I replied.

And for a while, I was right—and adamantly so. When Mark asked me to his dance months later, I not-so-politely declined—“Oh, Mark, you know we are just friends”—and instead accepted a later invitation from reddit dating a ukraine woman significantly taller but significantly less charming friend. Through high school and college, and even into my early twenties, with beau after beau, height was one of the defining characteristics in what I found attractive in a man. If I still felt petite wearing four-inch heels with my frame of 5 feet 6 inches, he was worth my attention.

Slowly, this extreme standard of height waned, but I still felt awkward if he was near as tall as I was. After all, shouldn’t the right man make me feel feminine and small?

Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad in finding your man’s height swoon-worthy. Yet, when I think about why I thought tall guys were more attractive, I found that it boiled down to one thing: my own insecurities. Tall guys made me feel dainty and lithe. While I didn’t exactly have an eating disorder, I can’t recall a time during my adolescence when I wasn’t on some sort of diet. Prioritizing height on my checklist seemed like an easy way to avoid my issue with my weight. Looking back, it was all about me.

I came to realize that this idea of the right man fixing my insecurities permeated my dating criteria. When I dreamed of my future romances, dating a guy the same height as you, all I thought about was how he’d make me feel. I imagined looking up at him, feeling his large muscular build protect me from the world. In one swift swoop—like a scene out of Hercules—he’d lift me up with one hand, and I’d laugh. And he’d tell me I’m tiny.

While describing this vision might sound absolutely ridiculous (please, someone, laugh at me), I know I was certainly not alone in this opinion. Hang out in any girl’s college dorm room for long fat girl dating site, and you know: Height matters in dating.

“I just want to be smaller, like you,” I remember one college friend—one exceptionally tall and exceptionally gorgeous college friend—telling me as I slid on my heels for that night’s outing. “Then maybe I would feel less like a giraffe and more like a girl.”

Since when did true femininity have anything to do with size? Why do so many women feel the need to shrink away, as I did, when I was wearing those wedges? Is it because we are constantly comparing ourselves to a tiny female archetype, in order to complement the prevailing tall and muscular male ideal? Or have we bought the idea that we need to be smaller in order to be loved? Whether it’s weight or height, one thing is for certain: Women generally don’t like feeling big.

Life has a funny way of working. Only weeks after that guy asked if I would hypothetically be interested in a man shorter than me, I unexpectedly met the man who would become my husband at an Iron and Wine concert in Chicago. During the night, I was so engrossed in conversation with him, I didn’t even notice that he was a whopping one inch shorter than me.

What I did notice was his sharp wit and his smile. His kindness, his confidence, and his laugh. And while he makes me feel feminine, one thing’s for certain: He never makes me feel like I need to be smaller.

If you told me five years ago that the man I’d end up marrying would be shorter than me, I’d laugh in your face. But as Julia Hogan eloquently points out, dating a guy the same height as you, sometimes we really don’t know who’s good for us until we meet him. I met Jason a year before Tinder existed, but upon reading Isaac Huss’ article about how dating apps leave us restless for the perfect option, I cringe to think that if I had seen him on Tinder, I probably would have swiped left after seeing his height.

In a weird twist of fate, a year into dating Jason, we were at another concert together, and we ran into my old childhood friend Mark. When Mark shook hands with my husband, I realized that they stood at the exact same height. I think fate has a sense of humor—and some awesome lessons.

Same height couple benefits

1. You can wear your boyfriend’s clothing

2. Shopping for gifts for your significant other becomes much easier

3. You don’t have to crane your neck to kiss your boyfriend

4.Intimacy is easier

5.More sex positions in bed

6. You can wear flats when going out with your boyfriend

7.Taking selfies

8. Perfect match

Same Height Couple Problems

1.Spooning is uncomfortable

2. You might not be able to wear heels around your boyfriend

3. Lack of security if your boyfriend tends to be on the shorter side

4. The little inconveniences.if both of you are short.

5.If both of you are very tall…

Too tall for doorway

6. If both of you are extremely tall or short…

Quotes on Same Height Couples

Famous Celebrities Who are the Same Height

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend

https://www.flickr.com/photos/disneyabc/17610072450

Tina Fey and Jeff Richmond

https://www.flickr.com/photos/nickstep/4501968186

Faith Hill and Tim Mcgraw

https://www.flickr.com/photos/disneyabc/30706542446

Summary

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Our society has set this idea that a perfect couple comprises the tall man and the short woman, and our community also placed this notion that girls only date those who are taller than them and that guys prefer to date shorter girls. It often creates the feeling for other couples that they don’t fit the set standards, but have we ever considered those girls and guys who like to date someone of the same height? Because just like the rest of our physical features, height shouldn’t be a basis for us to use to be friends or lovers with someone.

The “tall-boy” feat “short-girl” couple is not the only cute thing that can showcase a cute or perfect relationship. Height doesn’t necessarily add anything to a particular relationship, nor does it escalate whatever you have with your partner. Dating someone with the same size as yours can be just as perfect, even though the media doesn’t give much limelight to it. The following are the perks of dating boys and girls of the same height.

It’s also a bonus because you can always hug your partner with ease whenever you wanted to, and the same goes for holding hands or locking arms when crossing the street. It doesn’t take too much effort to throw your arms and place them on your partner’s shoulders, and it also doesn’t take time to give and tease them with hair patting and ruffling as well as whispering words to their ears. It’s also not that dreadful to make sure that both of you are covered when carrying the umbrella because it’s the exact safe position because of your similar height. You can also take turns!

We don’t have to experience the terrifying numbing and muscle aching moments of trying to fit each other inside a single frame for a single photo. When dating someone of the same height, no matter where one is standing, it’s easy to shuffle on your feet and find a spot where both of you can easily fit. There are no complicated angles or awkward hand and feet positioning and bending. It naturally comes as if it’s the perfect angle without trying so hard about it. Usually, no selfie-sticks are required.

When you’re dating someone, you want to look for your potential significant other’s internal attributes. When you truly do dating teens think about marriage someone, the physical characteristics only come off as a bonus because what matters the most is the personality and the feelings that your partner can offer and show. Because in the end, one can never have complete control over one’s height. It’ll just end up as a matter of numbers, dating a guy the same height as you it will only serve as a matter of preferences on the first half of your first few dates. It will hardly matter when you’re in a relationship that means a lot and when it gets built into a solid foundation.

Nowadays, no one truly cares about height anymore as long as they can go to someone who means a lot to them and to the ones who love them equally the way they do. It’s not something to pick on on a severe note because it’s not that intense to serve as an issue in a relationship. It’s your relationship, dating a guy the same height as you, and things will all boil down to how serious the person is when it comes to their love for you. When you managed to find love, the height, and other physical attributes wouldn’t be too much of a big deal.

In all honesty, following society’s set standards for yourself and a relationship isn’t necessary. They implied that men have to be taller, and women have to be shorter, that the mixture looks better most of the time. But in reality, it doesn’t work like that. Because as long as you have feelings for the person, you can always go for it. Height wouldn’t matter after you fall in love.