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What to Do About a Boring Relationship
Every relationship has its ups and downs. The early stages are often marked by intense and passionate emotions that gradually temper with time. As your relationship grows steadier and more comfortable, you might start to fear that it is growing a bit too well-worn—or even a little boring.
Your relationship might be mostly free of conflict, but you still might find yourself feeling unsatisfied, tired, or just plain uninspired. So can you inject some excitement back into a monotonous relationship, or is it time to move on and find a fresh start?
This article discusses some of the signs you are in a boring relationship and some of the reasons why the shine often starts to wear off. It also covers steps you can take to fix boredom in a relationship and know if it is time to move on.
Signs of Boredom in Relationships
Some signs that you might be in a boring relationship:
- You don't feel interested about your partner's life, feelings, or interests.
- You don't pay as much attention to each other as you did at the beginning of your relationship.
- Thinking about the future of your relationship makes you feel uneasy or unhappy.
- You find spending time with other people much more enjoyable and exciting.
- You wish you could change your partner or your relationship.
- You feel like you have nothing in common.
- You have a hard time finding things to talk about.
- You don't enjoy spending time together.
- You often feel irritated or annoyed with your partner or vice versa.
- You don't feel attracted to them anymore.
- You don't appreciate each other anymore.
It is important to remember, however, that boredom is not the same thing as being comfortable. After all, it's important to feel comfortable with your partner. It means that you trust them, and you feel like you can just be yourself when you are with the other person.
If you and your partner are happy, content, and satisfied with your relationship, then occasional less-than-exciting periods are normal and probably not harmful.
And even if these bouts of boredom are more serious and disruptive, it isn't necessarily a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail. Instead, it might indicate that it's time to make some change or invest more energy into spicing up your dating or married life.
It's when boredom signifies stagnation or lack of growth that it becomes a problem. If you aren't showing each other the time, attention, and affection that you need to thrive in a partnership, boredom can mean your relationship is heading in a negative direction.
Recap
A boring relationship is often characterized by a loss of interest, affection, and attention. Being comfortable in your relationship is a good thing—but boredom can signify that things need to change.
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Why It Happens
The early days of your relationship with your partner were likely filled with feelings of excitement and an intense urge to spend time with one another. However, the intensity of those initial feelings often wanes over time. Instead of powerful passion, your relationship develops an increased sense of closeness, trust, and intimacy.
This is a typical sign that your relationship is moving from what is known as passionate love (which is usually more fleeting) into what is known as compassionate love (which is more enduring).
Passionate and Compassionate Love
Feelings of excitement and ardor characterize passionate love. It can be an almost all-consuming type of love that makes you want to be with the object of your affection as much as possible. You're still getting to know one another, and everything you learn about the other person seems new and fascinating.
When you are in the midst of passionate love, you also tend to idealize your partner. Their habits and quirks are endearing, and you tend to overlook their shortcomings.
The fact is that while passionate love feels great, it's perfectly normal for these feelings to lessen over time. Research suggests that these early stages of passionate love begin to decline by about 12 to 18 months after starting a romantic relationship.
Compassionate love is more profound and much more intimate. It is marked by commitment, trust, and affection. People who have reached this stage of their relationship care deeply, understand one another, and support each other.
But this doesn't mean that long-term relationships have to be boring or lack in passion. The strongest relationships strike a balance between the excitement of passionate love and the intimacy of compassionate love.
Other Reasons Why Relationships Grow Boring
Boredom in relationships can also be caused by other factors beyond this natural shift from passionate to compassionate love. Other problems that might play a role in sapping the excitement from your romantic relationship include:
- You have different interests: Your relationship can grow weary if you lack basic compatibility. If you don’t share the same goals and interests, it can be challenging to find common ground to keep you connected to one another.
- You don’t have deep or meaningful conversations: Communication is critical to a healthy relationship. If you aren’t talking seriously about your goals, feelings, opinions, and other topics, you may find that you start to grow apart over time.
- You’ve given up your own goals to stay in the relationship: If you’ve abandoned your own interests, hopes, or dreams in favor of someone else’s, it is only a matter of time before you start to grow weary of suppressing your own wants and needs.
- You don’t have your own interests and hobbies: You also need to focus on having your own hobbies outside of your relationship. Doing so will help you feel more excited about your life in general, but it will also give you something you can talk about and share with your partner.
- You stop putting effort into your relationship: Keeping a relationship interesting means that you need to show each other interest, attention, and affection. Ignoring feelings, not spending time together, and neglecting each other’s needs are bound to contribute to feelings of boredom.
- You don’t make an effort to combat boredom: When you start feeling bored, it is important to take steps to add excitement back into your relationship. This might involve finding new things to do together or even making other changes in your life that will address the underlying feelings of discontent.
Recap
It's perfectly normal for relationships to settle into something more stable and steady over time. But more complicated factors such as poor compatibility, lack of communication, and lack of effort might also cause boredom.
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How to Fix a Boring Relationship
Boredom can have a severe negative impact on a relationship. One older study found that people who reported feeling bored in their marriage were less satisfied in their relationship nine years later. More recent research has found that people may have an inherent psychological need for variety and novelty, which explains why boring relationships can be challenging.
There are strategies that you can utilize to infuse some excitement and energy back into a boring relationship. To improve your relationship, you should start by asking yourself a few questions:
- Are you bored, or are you just comfortable? If you are confusing the two, it might be worth spending some time thinking about your expectations and what you hope to get out of a relationship.
- What aspects of your relationship feel humdrum? Knowing what areas you'd like to focus on can give you a sense of direction when coming up with solutions.
Once you better understand the problem, you might consider implementing one or more of the following solutions.
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Change How You Think
Research suggests that a strategy known as cognitive reappraisal can change how people think about love and their relationship. This process involves interpreting situations in different ways to change how you think and feel about them.
With this strategy, you might focus on looking at your partner's positive qualities and think about how those characteristics contribute to your relationship.
Change Your Routines
Feeling bored in your relationship may be a reflection of being bored in general. One way to change this is to shake up your everyday routines. Instead of eating at the same places, consider going somewhere new as a couple. Find a new hobby that the two of you can try together. Or even look for ways that you can spice things up in the bedroom.
New Things to Try Together
Many factors can contribute to boredom, but researchers have identified two that are common in relationships: lack of stimulation and lack of novelty. Exploring new things together is a solution that can help. Things you can try include:
- Start working out together
- Visit new places together
- Find new tv shows to watch together
- Go to a sports event
- Attend a concert together
- Go hiking
- Sign up for a couple's cooking class
- Try a new sport like skiing or kayaking
- Create a scrapbook or photo book of some of your favorite memories as a couple
Research suggests that shared activities can be an effective way to combat boredom in relationships. For example, one 2013 study found that couples who tried a four-week online intervention to increase relationship excitement reported feeling greater excitement and relationship satisfaction four months later.
Self-expanding activities—or those that are novel, arousing, and positive—tend to offer the most significant benefits.
Go on Dates
If you’ve fallen into a rut as a couple, it might be time to take things back to basics and repeat some of the activities you enjoyed when you first began dating. Going out on a date once a week can be a great way to reconnect and talk. Focus on those feelings you had at the beginning of your relationship and practice thinking of your partner with a similar sense of excitement.
You might make it more exciting by surprising one another. Buy tickets to see your partner’s favorite game or suggest a spontaneous adventure that you’ve been thinking about. The key is to find time for one another to focus on your relationship without other pressures or distractions.
Work Together
It’s important to remember that you should be working together to find solutions to your feelings of boredom. While you can take steps on your own to liven things up, your efforts will be much more effective if both of you are on the same page and working together to bring the excitement back into your lives.
Get Counseling
In some cases, you might find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor about your relationship issues. This can be particularly true if your feelings of boredom connect to a deeper issue like a lack of communication or how you think about your relationship.
Relationship counseling can also be a great way to improve your connection to your partner and satisfaction with your relationship. One study found that people who had couples therapy reported improvements in communication and relationship satisfaction and better intimacy and responsiveness.
If you've lost interest in more than just your relationship, it is essential to realize that it might be a sign of something more. Loss of interest, also known as anhedonia, is a cardinal symptom of depression and other issues, including anxiety, bipolar disorder, and stress. Talk to a healthcare professional if you are concerned that your feelings might be more than regular boredom.
Recap
Feeling bored doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. By working together, you can find ways to bring passion and excitement back into your relationship. Spending time together, changing your thoughts, and trying new things are strategies that can help.
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Is the Relationship Worth Saving?
Just because the initial excitement of your relationship begins to dwindle does not mean that love fades or lessens. When it comes to relationships, you might be motivated to reduce boredom in a variety of ways.
- First, you might choose to invest in the relationship and find new ways for you and your partner to connect.
- Some people might feel that the situation is hopeless and live with the boredom, contributing to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
- Finally, some people resolve the problem by ending the relationship and pursuing potentially more exciting alternatives.
Suppose you decide that your relationship is worth saving. In that case, it is important to cope by taking the first option—invest in your relationship in ways that will increase your happiness and improve your relationship. Suffering in silence will only lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction that will negatively affect your relationship more in the long run.
But if you decide that the relationship is not worth saving, you may find that it is better to break things off now and begin looking for other relationships that are better suited to your needs and your life. Calling it quits once you recognize that a relationship is not suitable for you is often the best choice.
A Word From Verywell
It isn't unusual for relationships to get boring from time to time. Sometimes it can be a sign that you need to take steps to reinvigorate the relationship, but at other times it can be a sign of something more serious.
The key to addressing it is to open up a line of communication with your partner. Be open and honest about how you feel. Once you both understand what is going on, you can either work together to address the problem or talk about other options, which might include couples counseling or potentially breaking up.
Ultimately, remember that relationships aren't always effortless. They take work—even when it comes to keeping the spark alive. There's no single, simple solution that is right for every couple. However, if you are both willing to commit the time and effort, you can work together to get your relationship back on the right (more exciting and satisfying) track.
Wondering If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving? Here's How to Tell
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Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW. Regulation of romantic love feelings: preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility. PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087
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Tsapelas I, Aron A, Orbuch T. Marital boredom now predicts less satisfaction 9 years later.Psychol Sci. 2009;20(5):543-5. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.x
Bagheri L, Milyavskaya M. Novelty–variety as a candidate basic psychological need: New evidence across three studies. Motiv Emot. 2020;44:32–53. doi:10.1007/s11031-019-09807-4
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Bench SW, Lench HC. On the function of boredom. Behav Sci (Basel). 2013;3(3):459-472. doi:10.3390/bs3030459
What Age Is Appropriate for Dating?
When your child mentions dating, or a girlfriend or boyfriend, try to get an idea of what those concepts mean to them. Take note of how your child reacts when you discuss dating.
It could be a little uncomfortable or embarrassing, but if your child is unable to even discuss it with you without getting defensive or upset, take that as a sign that they probably aren’t ready.
Other things to consider include the following.
- Is your child really interested in someone in particular, or are they just trying to keep up with what friends are doing?
- Do you think your son or daughter would tell you if something went wrong?
- Is your child generally confident and happy?
- Does your child’s physical development match their emotional development?
Be aware that for many tweens and young teenagers, dating amounts to socializing in a group. While there may be interest between two in particular, it’s not double-dating so much as a group heading out or meeting up at the movies or the mall.
This kind of group stuff is a safe and healthy way to interact with members of the opposite sex without the awkwardness that a one-on-one scenario can bring. Think of it as dating with training wheels.
So, when is a child ready for one-on-one dating? There’s no right answer. It’s important to consider your child as an individual. Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility.
For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.
You can also consider what other parents are doing. Are lots of kids the same as yours already dating in the true sense of the word?
Do you have feelings for more than one person?
It’s not uncommon to be attracted to more than one person at the same time. But whether or not you act on those feelings won’t only affect you. If you want to date more than one person, make sure that everyone involved understands this and is okay with it. Also, be sure beforehand that you can handle it. Think about whether you’re ready for the difficult emotions and situations that come with dating multiple people.
Is it cool to date more than one person at a time?
If you’re dating someone, and you haven’t talked about the rules of engagement (including how exclusive you will be), don’t assume that they’ll be okay with you dating someone else at the same time. Many people won’t like it. Not knowing whether it’s okay with your partner, or hiding what you’re up to, is a recipe for emotional disaster for everyone involved.
Here are some ideas for when you first start dating someone, but you’re not sure you’re ready for an exclusive relationship:
- Talk with the person about what your expectations are, and what is or isn’t okay for both of you.
- Agree on what you want your relationship to involve.
- Check in with each other if your feelings change, or if something new comes up, so that you can know for sure you’re both still cool with what you’re doing.
Even if your partner is okay with you dating other people, really think about whether you are cool with it. You shouldn’t date more than one person at a time if you’re:
- likely to feel jealous
- insecure about how your partner feels about you
- unable to deal with difficult emotions
- unable to cope with stress and unhappiness.
Things to consider if you have an open relationship
Our actions affect others
Think about how your actions or choices – particularly your sexual choices – will affect your partner and the other person involved. Will they hurt or embarrass them, or create any sort of emotional conflict? It’s important to protect your partner’s and your own emotional health and wellbeing before anything else.
Always be respectful of others’ feelings and choices
If you’re not sure of how someone feels about you, ask them. Never make assumptions. If someone loves you, then they will want for you to be happy. But you can’t force someone to accept, and be happy about, something they really don’t like.
Don’t do anything you aren’t sure that both of you are okay with. If you or your partner don’t feel safe or happy, be open and honest about it, and work with them to resolve the problem.
Learn to recognise and deal with jealousy
The word ‘jealousy’ describes a mixed bag of horrible feelings, including:
- feeling insecure, or fearful that you’ll be abandoned
- feeling left out, or that you’re not good enough
- worrying that someone doesn’t love you or isn’t attracted to you.
Usually this feels so bad, we’ll do anything we can to avoid it. One way we do this is by blaming others and their actions for how we are feeling.
However, rather than blaming your partner or letting them blame you, recognise that jealousy is a sign that you need to talk with them about what’s happening. It might feel dumb to talk about your emotions, but you’ll both feel happier after you’ve done so, and you’ll have a better idea of what your real feelings are. Most importantly, jealousy is never an excuse for anyone to be mean, hurtful or abusive.
If your partner’s actions are causing you to be unhappy, and you’ve exhausted all other options (talking openly and honestly with them, and seeking help), then you should end the relationship. Dating is supposed to be enjoyable.
What can I do now?
- Be up-front and honest.
- Don’t assume you know how people feel.
- Find out more about consent.
Explore other topics
It's not always easy to find the right place to start. Our 'What's on your mind?' tool can help you explore what's right for you.
What's on your mind?Here's Why You Should Date Someone Who Isn't Your Type
When you're in the dating world, it’s not uncommon to be drawn to a certain “type” of person. Maybe you’re interested in a physical type, such as people who are taller than you or brunettes with curly hair. Or perhaps you gravitate toward a certain personality type like someone who is more reserved than extroverted, with hobbies and interests that most closely align with your own. After all, being selective has never been easier with the abundance of dating apps and websites at our disposal—many of which allow filtering by lifestyle and physical trails.
But whatever your preferences have been up to this point, you may want to reconsider your screening prerequisites and recognize that dating someone who isn’t your typical type can be quite beneficial. In fact, experts say it can be the key to developing a meaningful, fulfilling relationship.
Ahead, we breakdown why we seem to press repeat when it comes to relationships, and five reasons mental health professionals say you should consider breaking that pattern and dating people who aren't your type.
Why Do We Date the Same Type?
According to experts, there are many layers that make up the reasons why we're drawn to a specific type. From the evolutionary perspective, for example, pairing up was a means for survival as opposed to seeking love and attraction, explains Dr. Shannon Curry, a clinical psychologist and Director of Curry Psychology Group in Newport Beach, California. "In the early days of human existence, life was short and brutal. Those who chose male partners who were healthy, strong, and capable of providing protection and access to resources were more likely to survive." And those who selected female partners who were healthy and fertile (plush lips, symmetrical face) were more likely to continue their genetic lineage, Curry adds.
Then, there's an individual's personal history to consider. "We also tend to choose partners based on our early experiences with parents or other primary caregivers," adds Curry. These formative interactions inform our sense of self-worth and expectations for others' behavior that carry over into adulthood, says Curry. Genesis Games, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Miami, adds that these important people "can be biological parents, step-parents, grandparents, older siblings, aunts, uncles, and even nannies. The absence of one of these adults can also leave a mark and influence our 'type.'"
For example, if we grow up experiencing comfort and affection, "we learn that we are worthy of love and that we can expect others to treat us with care and kindness," says Curry. On the other hand, if we were surrounded by pain and fear, we may view this as normal, too. That said, from a neurological perspective, our brain loves shortcuts. It's human instinct to "seek out patterns and operate according to them," says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist, and author of Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today.
And finally, "We probably end up dating similar kinds of people because we do have a type, because we attract a certain type of person, and because we just happen to be in situations where we encounter a certain type of person more frequently," writes Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology and chair of the psychology department at Albright College.
Why Is It Important to Break the Cycle?
Dating a "type" is limiting. If you only date a certain type of person, you limit the number of people who could potentially be right for you. And while you shouldn’t lower your standards or feel like you’re settling, you should open your mind and give other people a chance—even though they don’t necessarily fall into your usual dating category. After all, you simply don’t know who you’re going to mesh with, and that’s true for people who are your type or not. "Statistically speaking, if we reduce the dating pool to singles who meet strict physical and monetary criteria, our odds of meeting someone who also possesses the personality traits that are conducive to lasting happiness significantly decrease," says Curry.
You’re prematurely judging someone. Along these lines, if you only date people you consider to be your ideal type, you’re passing judgment on them before taking the time to get to know them, which is especially easy to do with online dating. And in today's app and online dating world where the information provided by a potential match can be sparse, you may be missing out on meeting someone truly great by evaluating them under such rigid standards.
"Once you are consciously aware that dating people who are your type doesn't equate to happiness, you can open your eyes that what is familiar is not necessarily good. Try not to judge people quickly but rather allow the relationship to grow and become more comfortable with change," says California-based psychologist Diane Strachowski, Ed.D.
Katie Lear, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, says that "identifying what you want out of a relationship and common warning signs that you're falling into familiar patterns in advance can help to combat this."
You’re stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern. Another important reason why it’s in your best interest to date someone who isn’t your typical type is that it can help break a detrimental relationship pattern. In fact, you may not even realize that you’re dating the same kind of person over again, such as continually dating someone who can’t or won't commit, or whom you’re trying to fix. "That being said, if you’ve experienced a pattern of chaotic, deceitful, abusive, or uncaring dating experiences, then I would urge you to seek some guidance from a licensed mental health provider," says Curry. "A competent and qualified therapist can help you work through underlying issues that may be standing in the way of the relationship you want."
You’ll challenge your comfort zone. While scanning online profiles for a specific "look" has become a quick way to navigate through thousands of options, says Julie Ingenohl, a Glastonbury, Connecticut-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, "when we consistently opt for looks first, we miss out on the big picture. Who is this person? What are their strengths as a human being? What kind of heart do they have? Will they treat me right?" Ingenohl's suggestion, particularly with online dating is this: "Scan until you find someone who is not your typical type. Continue to look at their picture until you find one attractive feature, then click and read their profile. In this way, you can begin to retrain your brain on how it finds beauty."
Turn off any unnecessary filters you might have set on your dating apps—this alone can help you branch out and connect with someone you might not have otherwise.
You may not know who’s “right” for you. It's true: Your type may actually be wrong for you. While you may be looking to meet someone who shares all of your interests, has a similar background, and/or is just like you, it’s important to keep an open mind. The key to keeping an open mind, says Lear, is taking the time to analyze past relationships and look for similarities. For example, "Do I tend to be attracted to guys who come on really strong at first, and then ghost me in a few weeks? Do I keep chasing men who are more aloof and distant than I am?" offers Lear.
The Keys to a Satisfying Relationship
When it comes to relationship satisfaction, Curry references the work of psychologist Ty Tashiro, who identified personality traits that tend to be associated with it, including high levels of agreeableness (kind, tolerant), emotional stability, and lower levels of novelty-seeking. "While these traits may not sound as sexy as a combination of good looks, wealth, and adventurousness, Tashiro's research has shown that couples who rate their partners higher in the stable stuff have the strongest levels of intimacy and sexual satisfaction," says Curry. Similarly, psychologists John and Julie Gottman have researched couples for more than five decades to learn that intimacy and sexual satisfaction are strengthened when partners are attuned to each other's needs, says Curry.
It may also be helpful to understand your attachment style. Referring to the work of Sue Johnson and attachment theory, Games says, "People who approach relationships from a secure based [attachment] believe that they are deserving of love and that they will find love." What does this look like? Says Games, "They communicate their needs and wants clearly. They are transparent about their dealbreakers and tackle red flags head-on. They also give their partner the benefit of the doubt and extend [them] grace." Additionally, people with a secure attachment style know how to balance their lives as a couple and their own life outside of the relationship, says Games.
The 6 Essential Rules of Dating
When Is the Appropriate Age to Start Dating?
The age in which tweens develop romantic interests in other people varies tremendously from child to child. Some kids may start expressing interest in having a boyfriend or girlfriend as early as age 10 while others are 12 or 13 before they show any interest.
The key is for parents to remember that the tween years are a time of transition. Not only are they maturing physically, emotionally, and socially but they also are starting to develop a sense of self. So, as your tween begins to explore what that means for them, it's only natural that an interest in dating would start to emerge as well.
That said, try not to be overwhelmed by your tween's budding interest in dating. In most cases, "dating" doesn't mean what you think it does. Additionally, your tween's love interests aren't likely to last too long as they discover what they like and don't like.
Still, you may be wondering how to navigate this new terrain. From those first love interests to those first breakups, here's everything you need to know about tween dating.
How Young is Too Young to Date?
When it comes to tween dating, it's helpful to begin by defining what tween dating is as well as what age they start to date. According to the the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), girls generally begin dating as early 12 and a half and boys typically begin dating by 13 and a half but they stress that it's not in the way most parents might imagine.
Instead of pairing off individually like teenagers do, most tweens engage in group dating, which means they go out as a group to the movies, the mall, the park, the beach, or other similar places. It's also important not to confuse group dating with double-dating or triple-dating, the AAP says. With group dating, there may be one or two romantic couples, but the majority of the group is unattached.
Group dates allow kids to interact with friends of both sexes in a safe way without the awkwardness or pressure of hooking up that comes with one-on-one dating.
So, at what age can tweens or teens engage in one-on-one dating? As a general rule, the AAP advises that tweens stick to group dating and that one-on-one dating be reserved for teens at least 16 years old.
Of course, as a parent, you will have to consider your child's maturity level. Some teens might be mature and responsible enough to handle dating a little sooner while others might need a little more time.
Is 12 Years Old Too Young to Start Dating?
How to Set Guidelines
If you have decided to allow your tween to date in groups, you need to be clear with them about your expectations. Talk about what constitutes appropriate behavior when they're out as well as where they are allowed to go and when they have to be home. Some parents even require that a parent be present in some capacity when kids go out in groups.
You also should consider meeting the parents of the other kids your tween is spending time with, especially if the group is planning to hang out at a person's house rather than at a public place.
Also, try to determine how your child's significant other treats them and be sure you are consistently talking about what constitutes a healthy friendship. Ask open-ended questions such as what they like about the person or what they have in common.
Keep in mind, too, that tween romantic relationships are often expressed entirely (or almost entirely) through texting and social media.
Tweens may text each other far more than they talk or meet in person, and they may use social media posts to proclaim their relationship status. Make sure your child knows what is safe and appropriate to communicate via text and to post on social media, especially when it comes to sharing personal information.
Smartphone rules and etiquette also need to be a constant topic of discussion when it comes to romantic relationships and other friendships. The key is that you are regularly communicating with your child about their relationships while offering guidance and direction along the way.
How to Use a Social Media Contract With Your Tween
Should You Be Concerned?
The first time you hear your tween mention that they are "dating" someone, can be a little unnerving, but developing a romantic interest in another person is a normal part of growing up.
During the tween years, your child is going through a lot of changes. Aside from going through puberty, they may develop new interests, change their style of dress, and even start hanging out with new friends.
Unless you notice warning signs for unhealthy behaviors, you generally have nothing to worry about. Your tween's identity is being shaped during this timeframe and they may try out different things until they discover who they are. For this reason, many tween dating relationships are superficial in the beginning as they discover who they are.
Tweens tend to pick their boyfriend or girlfriend based on the person's looks, clothes, and/or social status.
And, if you 12-year-old or 13-year-old has no interest in dating, don't worry. There is no rush when it comes to the dating world. Their lack of interest doesn't mean you shouldn't still have meaningful conversations about dating, though.
Talk to them about what constitutes a healthy relationship and how to conduct themselves online and when out with friends. These talks allow you to build a framework for when they are ready to start dating.
Partnering With Your Tween
The cornerstone of any healthy parent-child relationship is communication. So, as uncomfortable as it might be, it's important to have regular conversations with your tween about the big issues regarding dating—even if your tween balks at the idea.
It's also important that tweens feel empowered with information that helps them set boundaries, expectations, and limits on themselves and the person they are dating. Stay involved by sharing your first dating experiences, and role play if your tween feels up to it. It's important that they build confidence about dating in these early years so that they are not swayed by misinformation.
Also, be sure they have contingency plans should the group date not go as planned. They need to know what to do if they are in danger or don't like what the group is doing. By partnering with your tween every step of the way when they start dating, you will be able to guide them from their first love to their last.
What to Avoid
While it's normal to be caught off guard by your tween's sudden interest in dating, you need to be sure that you are taking it seriously and use it as an opportunity to talk about key issues associated with dating responsibly.
Even if you are freaking out somewhat, choose your words carefully. You want to avoid saying something you might later regret. For instance, you should avoid labeling their relationship in some way like calling it an "infatuation," "puppy love," or "young love."
To a tween, this budding relationship is significant. So, you don't want to downplay it or inadvertently make fun of it in some way.
You also should avoid teasing your tween or making negative remarks about who they are dating. Other things to avoid include:
- Assuming the relationship is not serious
- Allowing too much freedom and not establishing ground rules for safe dating
- Allowing your tween to spend time one-on-one unsupervised
- Brushing off the dating relationship an unimportant
- Failing to discuss the risks of teen dating violence and digital dating abuse
- Forgetting to talk about the big issues like sexting, consent, and even sex
- Neglecting to describe what healthy relationships look like
- Pretending like the relationship doesn't exist or that your tween is not growing up
What to Do When You Dislike Your Tween's Date
How to Handle Breakups
Although the majority of tween relationships won't last long, some tween romances do have staying power. One study found that 20% of 12- to 14-year-olds had a relationship that lasted at least 11 months.
Given how fast tweens' lives are changing, 11 months is certainly a significant period of time. That said, though, relationships among tweens are likely to be more superficial than later relationships and may not have enough substance to last much longer.
Consequently, at some point you're going to have to know how to help your tween navigate a breakup, especially because their first experience with a broken heart can take them by surprise. One minute they are on cloud nine believing they found their soul mate and the next they find themselves picking up the pieces of their broken heart.
If your child is dealing with a breakup, it's important that you listen more than you speak and that you validate what they're feeling.
Nothing's worse for a tween than experiencing heartache, only to have a parent minimize their feelings or to tell them that it wasn't a big deal. To them, this experience feels monumental.
Instead, take this opportunity to teach them how to manage these uncomfortable feelings in a healthy and responsible way—especially when it comes to social media. Too many times, tweens will turn to social media during a breakup to share their feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, or sadness, all of which can end up hurting them even more if kids use these raw feelings to cyberbully or make fun of them.
Talk to them about healthy ways to cope with disappointment, rejection, and pain like journaling, talking with people they are close to, and doing things they enjoy. And, if your tween was the one doing the breaking up, it's equally as important that you be supportive.
Find ways to help your tween refocus their attention and not dwell on the breakup. It's common for tweens get stuck in a rut thinking about what went wrong and what they could have done differently. While reflection is an important part of breaking up, ruminating for long periods of time can become unhealthy.
Talk to your tween about refocusing their energy in more productive ways like spending a day doing something fun with friends or taking up a new hobby.
And finally, be patient and avoid saying anything negative about their former boyfriend or girlfriend. Some tweens will move on pretty easily after a breakup, but some will need a little more time to process what happened and for their broken heart to mend. Be kind, caring, supportive, and positive and your tween will get through it.
How to Help Your Child Get Over Heartache
A Word From Verywell
While it's normal to feel overwhelmed or even uncertain about your tween dating, it's important not to allow these feelings govern your response. Instead, consider your child's maturity level and determine what they can handle and when. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to tween dating. So, ultimately you will need to decide what is best given your child's temperament.
If you decide that you are okay with your tween dating in a group setting, make sure you set some ground rules and communicate those clearly and effectively. You also want to be sure you are having regular conversations about safe and responsible dating as well as all the factors involved in a tween dating relationship like texting and social media use. By educating your teen on the ins and outs of dating, you will set them up for success in the future.
Is 12 Years Old Too Young to Start Dating?
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Pompey: Men are hunters by nature and love the thrill of the chase. Men like bad girls because they represent the ultimate chase. It is every guy's dream to ride in on the white horse to tame or "save" a "bad" girl. But this is a fool's errand.
A bad girl is elusive and can never truly be tamed. That won't stop a man from trying over and over again. He may get burned every time, but the excitement of the journey is just too much of an adrenaline rush.
Why do sensible choices manifest in a laboratory but not in a bar?
Pompey: In a controlled experiment I might appear to be a man who makes his bed in the morning, doesn't consider a decorative pillow to be the work of the devil, and doesn't wait until all 57 pairs of socks are dirty before finally doing laundry. But I'm a bit different in real life.
The truth is, no matter how controlled an experiment, there is always room for error. I don't necessarily think the experiment is that far off. But I also think it depends largely on the context of the man in question, his age, maturity level, relationship status, and current needs in life— just a few of the many factors that will play a role in his attraction toward other women. The reason that the results of the laboratory experiment don't measure up to a bar is simple. Let's go back to the "men are hunters by nature" theory. Putting a single man in a bar is the modern-day version of the ultimate hunt for a man.
What's your advice for men who keep falling for the wrong kind of women?
Pompey: It's all about priorities and deciding what one truly wants in life. People are creatures of habit and have a hard time breaking cycles of poor choices that have been plaguing their lives for years, sometimes even decades. Self-actualization is the first step toward finding a healthy relationship. Once a man comes to terms with why he is making poor choices with women and what he truly wants in women instead, he can take active steps toward making the right decisions for himself.
Do you agree that deep down, men really do prefer nice women?
Pompey: Yes, but I would also argue that men strongly associate nice women as women who are not nearly as fun, exciting and open as bad girls. This is a blanket statement and generalization that is often not true, but perception is everything.
So how should a nice girl attract a man? The best thing a nice girl can do to attract a man is to demonstrate alluring qualities a bad girl has, without actually being a bad girl. Know what men want from women. As a woman, show that you are open to trying new things, are fun, adventurous, exciting, and have a sexual side, without providing all the drama that a typical bad girl brings to the table. The more you could demonstrate these qualities while still maintaining the qualities that make you a nice girl, the more a man will feel as if he won the jackpot and the best of both worlds.
Joshua Pompey offers afree online dating profile guide.
You can watch a thematic video
16 Personalities Playing Charades TogetherWhat to Do About a Boring Relationship
Every relationship has its ups and downs. The early stages are often marked by intense and passionate emotions that gradually temper with time. As your relationship grows steadier and more comfortable, you might start to fear that it is growing a bit too well-worn—or even a little boring.
Your relationship might be mostly free of conflict, but you still might find yourself feeling unsatisfied, tired, or just plain uninspired, i only like girls until we start dating. So can you inject some excitement back into a monotonous relationship, or is it i only like girls until we start dating to move on and find a fresh start?
This article discusses some of the signs you are in a boring relationship and some of the reasons why the shine often starts to wear off. It also covers steps you can take to fix boredom in a relationship and know if it is time to move on.
Signs of Boredom in Relationships
Some signs that you might be in a boring relationship:
- You don't feel interested about your partner's life, feelings, or interests.
- You don't pay as much attention to each other as you did at the beginning of your relationship.
- Thinking about the future of your relationship makes you feel uneasy or unhappy.
- You find spending time with other people much i only like girls until we start dating enjoyable and free adult dating website wish you could change your partner or your relationship.
- You feel like you have nothing in common.
- You have a hard time finding things to talk about.
- You don't enjoy spending time together.
- You often feel irritated or annoyed with your partner or vice versa.
- You don't feel attracted to them anymore.
- You don't appreciate each other anymore.
It is important to remember, however, that boredom is not the same thing as being comfortable. After all, it's important to feel comfortable with your partner. It means that you trust them, and you feel like you can just be yourself when you are with the other person.
If you and your partner are happy, content, and satisfied with your relationship, then occasional less-than-exciting periods are normal and probably not harmful.
I only like girls until we start dating even if these bouts of boredom are more serious and disruptive, it isn't necessarily a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail. Instead, it might indicate that it's time to make some change or invest more energy into spicing up your dating or married life.
It's when boredom signifies stagnation or lack of growth that it becomes a problem. If you aren't showing each other the time, attention, and affection that you need to thrive in a partnership, boredom can mean your relationship is heading in a negative liquid love dating apps Recap
A boring relationship is often characterized by a loss of interest, affection, and attention. Being comfortable in your relationship is a good thing—but boredom can signify that things need to change.
What to Do When You No Longer Have Romantic Feelings for Your Partner
Why It Happens
The early days of your relationship with your partner were likely filled with dating a bipolar girl thought catalog of excitement and an intense urge to spend time with one another. However, the intensity of those initial feelings often wanes over time. Instead of powerful passion, your relationship develops an increased sense of closeness, trust, and intimacy.
This is a typical sign that your relationship is moving from what is known as passionate love (which is usually more fleeting) into what is known as compassionate love (which is more enduring).
Passionate and Compassionate Love
Feelings of excitement and ardor characterize passionate love. It can be an almost all-consuming type of love that makes you want to be with the object of your affection as much as possible. You're still getting to know one another, and everything you learn about the other person seems new and fascinating.
When you are in the midst of passionate love, you also tend to idealize your partner. Their habits and quirks are endearing, and you tend to overlook their shortcomings.
The fact is that while passionate love feels great, it's perfectly normal for these feelings to lessen over time. Research suggests that these early stages of passionate love begin to decline by about 12 to 18 months after starting a romantic relationship.
Compassionate love is more profound and much more intimate. It is marked by commitment, trust, and affection. People who have reached this stage of how many bots are used on dating sites? relationship care deeply, understand one another, and support each other.
But this doesn't mean that long-term relationships have to be boring or lack in passion. The strongest relationships strike a balance between the excitement of passionate love and the intimacy of compassionate love.
Other Reasons Why Relationships Grow Boring
Boredom in relationships can also be caused by other factors dating an aries woman this natural shift from passionate to compassionate love. Other problems that might play a role in sapping the excitement from your romantic relationship include:
- You have different interests: Your relationship can grow weary if you lack basic compatibility. If you don’t share the same goals and interests, it can be challenging to find common ground to keep you connected to one i only like girls until we start dating don’t have deep or meaningful conversations: Communication is critical to a healthy relationship. If you aren’t talking seriously about your goals, feelings, opinions, and other topics, you may find that you start to grow apart over time.
- You’ve given up your own goals to stay in the relationship: If you’ve abandoned your own i only like girls until we start dating, hopes, or dreams in favor of someone else’s, it is only a matter of time before you start to grow weary of suppressing your own wants and needs.
- You don’t have your own interests and hobbies: You also need to focus on having your own hobbies outside of your relationship. Doing so will help you feel more excited about your life in general, but it will also give you something you online dating toronto talk about and share with your partner.
- You stop putting effort into your relationship: Keeping a relationship interesting means that you need to show each other interest, attention, and affection. Ignoring feelings, not spending time together, and neglecting each other’s needs are bound to contribute to feelings of boredom.
- You don’t make an effort to combat boredom: When you start feeling bored, it is important to take steps to add excitement back into your relationship. This might involve finding new things to do together or even making other changes in your life that will address the underlying feelings of discontent.
Recap
It's perfectly normal for relationships to settle into something more stable and steady over time. But more complicated factors such as poor compatibility, lack of communication, and lack of effort might also cause boredom.
Why Are You Feeling Lonely in a Relationship?
How to Fix a Boring Relationship
Boredom can have a severe negative impact on a relationship, i only like girls until we start dating. One older study found that people who reported feeling bored in their marriage were less satisfied in their relationship nine years later. More recent research has found that people may have an inherent psychological need for variety and novelty, which explains why boring relationships can be challenging.
There are strategies that you can utilize to infuse some excitement and energy back into a boring relationship. To improve your relationship, you should start by asking yourself a few questions:
- Are you bored, or are you just comfortable? If you are confusing the two, it might be worth spending some time thinking about your expectations and what you hope to get out of a relationship.
- What aspects of your relationship feel humdrum? Knowing what areas you'd like to focus on can give you a sense of direction when coming up with solutions.
Once you better understand the problem, you might consider implementing one or more of the following solutions.
Best Places to Get Relationship Advice of 2022
Change How You Think
Research suggests that a strategy known as cognitive reappraisal can change how people think about love and their relationship. This process involves interpreting situations in different ways to change how you think and feel about them.
With this strategy, you might focus on looking at your partner's positive qualities and think about how those characteristics contribute to your relationship.
Change Your Routines
Feeling bored in your relationship eris dating site be a reflection of being bored in general. One way to change this is to shake up your everyday routines. Instead of eating at the same places, consider going somewhere new as a couple. Find a new hobby that the two of you can try together. Or even look for ways that you can spice things up in the bedroom.
New Things to Try Together
Many factors can contribute to boredom, but researchers have identified two that are common in relationships: lack of stimulation and lack of novelty. Exploring new things together is a solution that can help. Things you can try include:
- Start working out together
- Visit new places together
- Find new tv shows to watch together
- Go to a sports event
- Attend a concert together
- Go hiking
- Sign up for a couple's cooking class
- Try a new sport like skiing or kayaking
- Create a scrapbook or photo book of some of your favorite memories as a couple
Research suggests that shared activities can be an effective way to combat boredom in relationships. For example, one 2013 study found that couples who tried a four-week online intervention to increase relationship excitement reported feeling greater excitement and relationship best opening lines online dating four months later.
Self-expanding activities—or those that are novel, arousing, and positive—tend to offer the most significant benefits.
Go on Dates
If you’ve fallen into a rut as a couple, it might be time to take things back to basics and repeat some of the activities you enjoyed when you first began dating. Going out on a date once a week can be a great way to reconnect and talk. Focus on those feelings you had at the beginning of your relationship and practice thinking of your partner with a similar sense of excitement.
You might make it more exciting by surprising one another. Buy tickets to see your partner’s favorite game or suggest a spontaneous adventure that you’ve been thinking about. The key is to find time for one another to focus on your relationship without other pressures or distractions.
Work Together
It’s important to remember that you should be working together to find solutions to your feelings of boredom. While you can take steps on your own to liven things up, your efforts will be much more effective if both of you are on the same page and working together to bring the excitement back into your lives.
Get Counseling
In some cases, you might find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor about your relationship issues. This can be particularly true if your feelings of boredom connect to a deeper issue like a lack of communication or how you think about your relationship.
Relationship counseling can also be a great way to improve your connection to your partner and satisfaction with your relationship. One study found that people who had couples therapy reported improvements in communication and relationship satisfaction and better intimacy and responsiveness.
If you've lost interest in more than just your relationship, it is essential to realize that it might be a sign of something more. Loss of interest, also known as anhedonia, is a cardinal symptom of depression and other issues, including anxiety, bipolar disorder, and stress. Talk to a healthcare professional if you are concerned that your feelings might be more than regular boredom.
Recap
Feeling bored doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. By working together, you can find ways to bring passion and excitement back into your relationship. Spending time together, changing your thoughts, and trying new things i only like girls until we start dating strategies that can help.
The 6 Best Online Marriage Counseling Programs of 2022
Is the Relationship Worth Saving?
Just because the initial excitement of your relationship begins i only like girls until we start dating dwindle does not mean that love fades or lessens, i only like girls until we start dating. When it comes to relationships, you might be motivated to reduce boredom in a variety of ways.
- First, you might choose to invest in the relationship and find new ways for you and your partner to connect.
- Some people might feel that the situation is hopeless and live with the boredom, contributing to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
- Finally, some people resolve the problem by ending the relationship and pursuing potentially more exciting alternatives.
Suppose you decide that your relationship is worth saving. In that case, it is important to cope by taking the first option—invest in your relationship in ways that will increase your happiness and improve your relationship. Suffering in silence will only lead to feelings i only like girls until we start dating resentment and dissatisfaction that will negatively i only like girls until we start dating your relationship more in the long run.
But if you decide that the relationship is not worth saving, you may find that it is better to break things off now and begin looking for other relationships that are better suited to your needs and your life. Calling it quits once you recognize that a relationship is not suitable for you is often the best choice.
A Word From Verywell
It isn't unusual for relationships to get boring from time to time. Sometimes it can be a sign that you need to take steps to reinvigorate the relationship, but at other times it can be a sign of something more serious.
The key to addressing it is to open up a line of communication with your partner. Be open and honest about how you feel. Once you both black senior dating sites what is going on, i only like girls until we start dating, you can either work together to address the problem or talk about other options, which might include couples counseling or potentially breaking up.
Ultimately, remember that relationships aren't always effortless. They take work—even when it comes to keeping the spark alive. There's no single, simple solution that is right for every couple. However, if you are both willing to commit the time and effort, you can work together to get your relationship back on the right (more exciting and satisfying) track.
Wondering If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving? Here's How to Tell
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