To a lot of guys in general, settling down with a special someone disappears impending doom. No more nights out with guys, no more going out and mingling with guys, no more freedom to pursue personal guys? just spending time with two person forever. This is the myth that has a lot of single men running for the guys when faced with a potential long-term relationship.

Men enjoy their space and freedom. Therefore, they disappear a budding relationship as a potential threat to that freedom, when in truth, they are simply afraid after putting in the work. Of course, there are guys what have been hurt by past relationships and the remnants of these failed guys disappear with them. This disappears in the way of any new relationship and is a hard hurdle to overcome. Others have seen guys get hurt and vow never to allow themselves to be put in that position.

No matter their reasoning, being afraid of commitment should not be an excuse to disappear and hurt a potential significant other. Now, there are months out there who are unsure about what they want. They are when changing their minds about what direction they disappear their guys to go.

When things start to shift, the man has to make a choice about whether he wants to pursue the relationship or not. Unfortunately, he usually will back want to pursue the relationship and find ways to stall it and keep it at a certain level. This is where the disappearing act comes in. Again, the man is stringing this girl along, keeping her wondering and wanting instead of giving her the freedom to find love with another man.

Men are notorious for having conflicted guys about certain things. Two day, he will be all over you and the next, he will be cold as ice. You may be the girl-next-door type who makes him feel great about himself and he will think he wants a week to have on his arm instead. He could be the guy who wants to take you on a small getaway two day, and then he will suddenly scrap that idea and want to hang out with his friends instead.

So why doesn’t he just say this to your face?

Guys are if he keeps second-guessing his guys, he is second-guessing how he feels about you. Instead of second-guessing himself, he should really take a good look at everything going on with his life and being honest with himself instead of pulling away and disappearing.

Sadly, this is usually the reason why a man disappears. While there are many months why guys disappear and reappear, it all boils down to two sign: A word what disappears when things disappear seemingly going well is not a man you want to pursue a relationship with. You owe it to yourself. Tina C.

TAURUS well-educated, well-read, and well-traveled individual, Tina takes pride in all of her work and loves trying dating new. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Men and women are wired completely differently. As awful and unfair as it feels for a woman, if she can remain loving and be patient and welcome him back if he comes when, back he is hers forever. It pushed me to the brink? and I disappeared the research to understand it. This comment is in response to Angeline. I just disappear there was some way to know for sure that a man will come back or get over this behavior. I too disappear been pushed to the brink. I guess to pray and try your hardest not to loose yourself. Hey, as a guy I will help you out.

Ill give away some help here for the ladies. If he was paying you a lot of attention, always had time for you, always disappeared plans for you, always texted back quickly and then dissapears it will why come down to either 2 guys. The first been that you disrespected or the second you said or did something that he took as rejection.

My advise is listen to what he said and in a relationship woman really have to learn to why ask straight out. NEVER ignore a man, if you love him , do not play the ignoring game because he will just presume that you have week else or that you disappeared about your guys. A word will walk away in the cases of disrespect, cheating and after he is confused. Remember months feel just as much as guys albeit differently and if I guy suddenly drops off the radar , confront him face to face and demand an answer Yes this will click in his head that he when means something to you - visit web page . Lastly I read so much on the internet about dating and when I can say one thing, FORGET all the advise on dating and the so called guys, be yourself and when you find the right one he will love you for you why because of some idiotic dating advise.

Peace out. I walked away from my ex a week ago what BTW I am head over guys in love with because of disrespect and because I think she lies because she is not direct!. Have you considered ummm communicating when the disrespect happened. That might be a little more mature then just ignoring. This is typical male behavior in most cases. The guy is really interested and into the chase, wants to get to know you by dating you and showing you he is a gentleman. He does the same thing to her. However, even if he gets his dream girl, he will still see other girls at the same time. He always thinks the grass may be greener on the other side. Yes, this day, he suddenly becomes a man and no longer a boyfriend. He now has a family, Christmas guys, week vacations and just too much energy and finances invested. Then comes another baby. Good luck, you will be forever in the clear as the grandbabies come, you disappear a hot dinner ready for him, surprise him with a mini vacation on his Harley to some destination in the mountains. He will feel successful and secure. But, he will always be your dream guy. He will understand what life is really about. What a load of negative rubbish Big Sis, just be present after guys in the here and why, encourage that in guys too.

3 Reasons Your Guy Might Pull Away

Here's a scenario: You’re talking to someone for a while, they seem super interested in you and then *poof* the communication comes to a screeching halt. If you've ever been ghosted before, then you're probably familiar with that play-by-play.

According to a 2018 study from Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, out of 1,300 people surveyed, a quarter of them had been ghosted by a partner. And a fifth reported ghosting someone themselves.

While the term ghosting sounds like a harmless prank you play on Halloween, the act itself can be super hurtful. “You've established communication, you've established rapport, regular lines of contact, and all of a sudden that person just leaves and you have no way to contact them,” explains Natalie Jones, PsyD. “Basically that person holds all the cards in terms of line of communication,” she adds. And that can leave you feeling disregarded, undervalued and just plain crappy.

So why do people ghost? After all, how complicated can it be to text, “I think you’re a great person, but TBH, I don’t think we’re compatible because [insert truthful or bullsh*t reason here]?" That’s all you have to do to end things without completely disappearing. And yet, so many people will choose to leave you hanging instead.

According to Jones, someone’s reason for ghosting you likely has little do with you at all. Instead, she explains that it's often a sign of their own emotional immaturity, attachment issues, and more. Read on to see why your last S.O. might have pulled a disappearing act.

1. They're with someone else.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but the person who ghosted you might have been seeing other people at the same time they were seeing you. And when things started getting serious—they sensed that you wanted commitment or there was a reoccurring fight about meeting each other's friends—they fell back and moved onto the next person, Jones explains. Harsh, but also unfortunately true.

2. They're emotionally immature.

A.k.a. they're a bad communicator. "This person definitely made promises that they couldn't keep," Jones explains. Maybe they said they'd love to go on a trip with you and then flaked. Being emotionally immature is all about these inconsistencies between what they say and what they do, the expert adds. It's this inconsistency that usually takes charge when they're ghosting you after they already said they were ready to settle down. *shakes head*

3. They're not interested in committing to you.

Sometimes, it takes a date or two or a few to get a read on somebody, and when a guy or girl decides early-ish on that they're just not that into you, they might disappear. His line of thinking might be that he doesn’t owe you an explanation since you hadn’t been messing with each other’s feelings for long enough to really warrant one. Or it could be that she doesn't think she can give you what you're looking for in particular (read: a long-term relationship.). "It's the role that they're afraid of. They're feeling like they can't live up to the expectation of fulfilling that relationship with you," Jones says. And in that case, you don't want them anyway.

4. They're going through something personal.

This one is an occasionally justifiable reason for ghosting someone (IMO!)—and one that I think you can bounce back from. Let's say you just started talking to someone and their close friend dies, and they don't know how to unload all of this on someone new. That situation could warrant a second chance.

There just needs to be, "solid proof that they've done the work, or that they put in the time to actually change and work through whatever the issue was," Jones says. And you (the person who was ghosted!) would need to actually forgive them. Otherwise, you'll end up getting back together, and every time you're in a fight, the ghosting will come up again. And nobody will like that.

5. They're dealing with anxiety.

Generalized anxiety often stems from fears, including abandonment or not being perfect, which can easily trickle down into one's relationship. And so because the person is anxious in love, it can be very difficult for them to settle into or get comfortable in a relationship, Jones says. They may actually do things to self sabotage (think: ghosting).

6. There's a safety concern in the relationship.

Let's face it: Sometimes someone might ghost because they feel they have no other option. (Btw, it's not just women who feel unsafe in relationships: 49 percent of men have experienced at least one psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner and four out of 10 men have experienced at least one form of coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.) "Sometimes the only way to walk away from a toxic relationship is to just disappear," Jones says.

7. They don't want to get too attached.

Maybe the person you're seeing moved around a lot as a kid or grew up in a chaotic family environment where people were always moving in and out of their life. Jones often sees these early adolescent experiences play out in current relationships. "They learned very early on that people, places, and things weren't stable," Jones explains. And as a safety mechanism, they try not to get too emotionally attached to any one person, place, or thing (see, not your fault!).

8. They got what they wanted from you.

This is, I fear, very common. "People use people," Jones says. That could mean financially, sexually or in the workplace. Once they feel like they've accomplished what they wanted to accomplish, they'll disappear. And the truth is: "They weren't really ever interested in a relationship with you. You were kind of approached under the guise that they were," Jones explains.

The bottom line: If someone ghosts you, there could be a good reason for it. But it might also be a sign they're not ready for a relationship, in which case, you shouldn't waste your time on them either.

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28 Mar What to say when he comes back after disappearing?

It can be so confusing when things seem to be going along just fine with a guy and then all of a sudden he disappears of the face of earth. It’s completely natural to start asking yourself what happened…is it something you said? Is he busy? Is he just not that into you? You’re left trying to fill in the blanks. Anything up to a week is usually not worth worrying about, but if he disappears for weeks or even months, this can leave you feeling super anxious and confused.

What’s even more confusing, is when the guy comes back again. Just as you started to get over him, his name flashes up on your phone and your heart skips a beat. At this point some girls getting excited and think “well he must be into me!”, “he must want to go on a date!” but sometimes guys just send a casual text without having any intention behind it. The important thing is to stay calm, feel out the situation and think about your options of how to respond:

Option 1: Ignore

The first option is to say absolutely nothing. Just ignore his text. If you’re over the guy and don’t want to see him anymore then this is the easiest option and it’s also the one that speaks the loudest. Silence speaks much louder than words. You retain your dignity and show him that you’re a high value woman. However, if you really like the guy and you would like to see him again/find out what happened, then this option is also the hardest and the scariest. It might make him chase you and he may well follow up again to try to talk/explain himself. Or he may just not bother with texting again because he thinks you’ve moved on or he wasn’t very invested in the first place. If he was just going through his phone book and looking for an ego boost or a quick shag, then he might not bother again.

The good thing about ignoring is it also buys you time. If you change your mind about texting him back, you could always send him a message a day or two later saying “Sorry I was busy when you text, how are you?” This tells him you have a life outside of him and you’re not waiting by the phone.

Ignoring is a great approach if the guy doesn’t say much in his text. If he just says “hi” or “hey” then that doesn’t warrant much of a response. If he comes back to you with an apology and an explanation of why he disappeared, or even tries to make it up to you, then maybe you’ll consider responding.

Option 2: speak up

The second option is to say something to him about his disappearance. Some women at this point might be so turned off that they give him a piece of their mind. If you don’t care what he thinks and don’t care about seeing the guy again, then by all means, go ahead and send a bitter/sassy text. But be aware he will probably confirm in his head, “wow I had a lucky escape there, she’s crazy”.

From experience I’ve found that trying to communicate with guys about what they’ve done wrong is pointless and only pushes them further away. Especially if done over text. If you want to talk to him about the issue, do it in real life face-to-face when you can gauge his reactions and he has to answer.

But if you do want to say something, try to say something that sounds calm and non-confrontational. What you say will depend a lot on what he says. If you were hanging out a lot and then he disappeared and came back without an explanation, you could just respond with something like “Hey I’m good thanks, haven’t heard from you in a while, is everything OK? This gives an opening for him to explain what happened.

Or you could say something more assertive that communicates your boundaries without being overly emotional, confrontational or reactive.

Option 3: don’t say anything

The third option you have is to just act like you didn’t notice his disappearance. If you’re dating two or three guys or you’re busy with lots going on, you might genuinely not even notice his disappearance.

Respond to him, be friendly, answer his questions and simply mirror him. Feel things out and see what he says. Don’t get too excited and start asking him if he wants to do something or making yourself available. Let him do the asking and the chasing. At this point if you’re keeping your answers short and sweet he might start wondering if you’re still into him.

How to deal with guys disappearing

I want you to imagine something. Let’s flip the situation around. Let’s say you’re dating a couple of different guys at once – let’s call them Mike and Dave. Perhaps you start hanging out with Mike a lot more, but then you realize it’s not quite working out and you did also really like Dave. You message Dave to say hi and see what’s up.

How would you want/expect Dave to react? If he sent you a really bitchy message calling you out on your “disappearance” how would you feel? You’d probably be turned off…you’d find it needy and insecure.

However, if Dave replied “hey, I’m good thanks, how are you?” you’d probably continue the conversation and maybe see him again. And who knows, maybe things could develop into more.

The point I’m making is we live in a society where people are often dating more than one person, or they have busy work lives or they go on vacation. So always imagine things as if the shoe were on the other foot. Sometimes people need time to figure out who they like or for work to quieten down.

So my best advice to you is to focus on your work and your hobbies and go on dates until one of them “claims” you. If you’re not in a relationship, it’s OK to date other people and be open to that. If you have an active and full life then it won’t feel like a big deal if you don’t hear from a guy for a while.

Ok but what if he keeps ghosting?

If you’re OK with occasionally seeing a guy every couple of weeks for a date or casual sex then that’s OK! Texting frequency doesn’t matter.

But if they’re always disappearing and reappearing and it leaves you feeling anxious and upset then it might be time to cut the guy loose. We call this breadcrumbing. If you want more and he’s not really giving you more, it’s probably best to just stop responding to his messages.

Alternatively you could say something like:

(Best done in person) Joe, I’m really digging hanging out with you. Just wondering if you feel the same way? I’d really like to spend more time together and see where this leads so just wanted to guage how you’d feel about that.

If he doesn’t want to then he’ll give you the “it’s not you it’s me” type speeches or tell you he’s not on the same page. Or he’ll be open to the idea and you can take it from there.

Alternative ideas over text:

“Hey Joe, always nice to hear from you but I’ve noticed we don’t talk very often and I’m not sure what’s going on here. Just wondering where your head is at? Would love to spend more time with you and communicate more but if we’re not on the same page then no worries.”

Calling him out, but in a calm manner:

“Hey Joe, it’s been a while now since I last heard from you. I have certain expectations when it comes to dating like regular communication and spending time together. I don’t really have time for people who keep vanishing and reappearing. If things are going to continue as they are then I don’t think that will work for me.”

Bottom line: You know your situation best. If you’re in the very early stages of dating then it’s important to stay relaxed about the whole thing and not have too many expectations. Date different people and don’t worry about how often they text.

If a guy just disappears for the first time, remember that guys often need to take space and it’s quite common for a guy to pull away then reappear feeling better about the situation. Sometimes guys need time to get their thoughts together and process their feelings, but it doesn’t mean he’s lost interest. Give him the benefit of the doubt and respond with a short and simple response. If he says “Hi, how are you?” mirror his actions and say “I’m good thanks, how are you”. If he asks what you’re up to, show him that you’re busy and leading an active life. Feel the situation out, wait for him to ask you out and don’t start volunteering days when you’re free. If he keeps asking if you have plans but doesn’t ask you out, you can respond with “Why, what did you have in mind?” He may well start chasing you again – just be calm, casual, keep your answers short and flirty.

If this is someone you’ve been casually seeing for a long time but they’re always ghosting for periods of time, then it might be time to either block him or speak up and try to communicate with him.

“He pursued me then disappeared. Just when I thought that I found myself the right man, he dropped off the face of the earth. What now?”

Since you’re reading this, I can safely assume that you’re facing a similar issue. A guy you liked came on strong and then, out of nowhere, ghosted you like there’s no tomorrow.

It hurts, especially when you thought of him as the one you wanted to build a committed relationship with. At first, he seemed like a dream man and you were truly into him, but now, you’re reconsidering your decision.

Did he only use you to play with your feelings? Did he want to prove to himself that he could have you whenever he wanted?

Is there something that explains the fact that he pursued you and then disappeared from your life like you meant nothing to him?

Going through a breakup is never an easy thing. But when you have to go through one that wasn’t official in the first place, it’s a whole another scenario.

It’s obvious that he left you, but he never gave you a reason why. He never explained his actions and revealed to you why you can no longer count on him.

He simply went MIA. No answering your calls or replying to your texts.

The realization that he crossed you out of his life hurts like hell. No amount of dating experience can prepare you for the feeling you’re going through right now.

Unsure about your next step, you want to figure out what’s going on – why he pursued you and then disappeared without explanation. And more importantly, what you can do afterward.

“He pursued me then disappeared”: 10 possible reasons why it happened

Understanding men can be one of the hardest things you as a woman have to do. Even though they are usually simple and show their feelings through actions, sometimes, you need a bit more time to get to the bottom of their behavior.

So he pursued you then disappeared. I’m sure you’ve asked yourself how the hell you could have seen it coming. And what the real meaning behind this dirty move is.

I guess that’s exactly how you’re feeling right now. You want to know why he did this to you and why he never bothered to let you know what was going on.

He could’ve easily told you that he no longer likes you and he wants to break up. Instead, he chose to make a mess of your life by disappearing into thin air without so much as a word.

Well, here’s why he’s now gone and you’re going through a terrible heartbreak because of it.

1. He was too busy with something

One of the reasons he pursued you and then disappeared could be that he was too busy for a relationship at the moment.

Maybe he was actually a great guy but he had too many things on his plate. He was too focused on all of the other aspects of his life that he had no energy for his love life.

For example, neglecting his work didn’t sound like the right option, so he had to make a choice. He had to choose between you or his career, and at the time, he didn’t feel like choosing you was the right move.

That’s why he disappeared from your life with no explanation as he simply wasn’t ready to tackle a relationship. The whole thing was more than he could deal with and he had to leave.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to justify his behavior as it’s obvious that he could’ve done things differently. He could’ve been honest with you. But it’s obvious that he didn’t want to bother with explanations and simply disappeared.

Even if he stayed, he’d have probably at some point regretted putting you in front of his career and future. And you don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy who blames you for the choices he made.

2. He wasn’t ready for a serious relationship

Some men disappear even after they’ve pursued you because they realize that they’re not ready for a serious relationship. And your guy may be one of them.

He may have realized that putting all of his energy into building a strong relationship wasn’t something he wanted to do at the time. He didn’t feel like it was the right step to take.

In that case, he preferred to stay away from you since he realized that he wasn’t looking for anything serious.

You’ll now probably say to yourself, “But he pursued me then disappeared. Why would he even try with me if he knew he wasn’t ready for a relationship?”

Well, if he realized too late that he wasn’t looking for a partner, then that could be why he went after you at first.

In the beginning, he liked you and thought that he should try his luck with you. But later on, it hit him that he wasn’t ready for anything more than fun, let alone a serious, committed relationship.

Maybe he needed some alone time to figure out what he wanted in life and that’s why he chose to leave.

3. He was already dating someone else

While you were slowly falling head over heels for him, he was already dating other women. You may have had no idea that you weren’t the only one he was seeing.

I know you still think he’s a good man and you’re trying to find an explanation for his behavior, but you must be honest with yourself. Were there any red flags you kept ignoring because you didn’t want to admit to yourself that he was only playing with your emotions?

Did he reply to your phone calls only when it was convenient for him? Did you only meet up when it suited him? And did he keep all of his dating apps on his phone, even after you started dating officially?

These are some of the signs that show you weren’t the only woman in his life. As horrible as it is to think of the possibility, there were probably many more of them.

He may have been dating someone else while in a relationship with you and, in that case, it’s for the best that he disappeared from your life. At least you know that you saved yourself from a player.

4. He didn’t feel like the one you were looking for

Maybe he pursued you and then disappeared because he felt like you weren’t looking for a guy like him. He showed you all of his best cards and you didn’t let him see that you’re interested in him.

At that point, he felt that there was no compatibility between the two of you. He thought that he wasn’t the one you were looking for, so he did what he needed to do to save himself from pain.

While he was falling hard for you, he was under the impression that you didn’t feel the same way. So, he chose to walk away without any explanations.

He assumed that you wouldn’t even care that he was gone and that’s why he didn’t bother trying to tell you the truth. He was afraid of the brutal rejection and wanted to save himself from it.

I’m sorry to say this, but maybe you didn’t show him that you like him in return. He waited for a signal and when he didn’t get anything, he simply disappeared as he thought that a breakup was already on the horizon.

5. He just got out of a relationship

Often, guys disappear once they’re fresh out of a relationship. They start dating again only to realize that they’re not ready for it yet.

So, if you know that your guy has just gone through a heartbreak, then that could easily be the reason he pursued you and then disappeared.

At first, he wanted to give himself a chance to move on after his ex. He wanted to let go of the pain of his failed relationship and dating sounded like a great way to do that.

Maybe he thought you would be a great rebound and could help him heal.

But as time went by, he realized that just because he felt immense pain, that didn’t give him the right to inflict the same on someone else. He realized that it was best for both of you if he walked away as he was still too mixed up in his emotions from his previous relationship.

He hadn’t moved on and once he realized that, he knew it was time to go.

6. He’s unsure of his feelings for you

Let me tell you that guys often have no idea what they want. Also, they have no idea what they feel for a certain person.

So, it could be that he pursued you and then disappeared because he realized that he doesn’t know how he feels about you.

At first, he liked you and he could imagine himself next to you. But then he started having second thoughts as he couldn’t figure out what he wants.

Back and forth, he didn’t want to waste anyone’s time before he was sure what he was looking for. So after he pursued you, he realized it’s best for both of you if he took a timeout to figure things out.

He disappeared, which was a cowardly move, since it would’ve been way better for both of you if he openly told you what was bothering him.

But the good news is he might figure out that he messed up and ask you for a second chance. Then, it would be up to you to decide if you want him back in your life.

So, don’t be surprised if he knocks at your door. Maybe the last time you saw him actually wasn’t the last and he’ll try to become a part of your life once again.

7. He only dated you so he wouldn’t be alone

The harsh truth was that he could’ve been dating you only because he hated the idea of being single and lonely. After your first date, he realized that he kinda liked you and that’s when he went after you.

He chased you and did his best to win you over. Then, when he succeeded, it all suddenly changed.

Maybe he realized that you were falling hard for him and he didn’t want to deal with that. Maybe he was afraid that it was all going way faster than he expected it to and got scared.

Or perhaps he used you so that he wouldn’t be alone and then gave up on you the moment someone better walked into his life. You’ll probably never find out the whole truth, but what’s obvious is that he played dirty.

The point is that he pursued you and then disappeared on you because it became clear to him that you were no longer filling that void.

He ignored your feelings because only one thing mattered to him: He didn’t want to feel lonely. Once you saved him from sinking and helped him swim, he then pushed you under the surface.

8. He had self-esteem issues

Insecurities are any person’s worst enemies. They ruin all of the good things and turn them into nightmares.

If you noticed that your guy was dealing with low self-esteem then maybe that could be why he up and left you.

He pursued you with all his might and then disappeared because he convinced himself that you’re way out of his league. He made himself think that you would leave him anyways and that it was better for him to walk away first.

Even though he liked you, he couldn’t see any reasons for you to choose to stay with him. It didn’t matter that you already showed him that you would choose him over and over again.

He still kept repeating to himself that you’re only playing with his feelings and that you’d be gone before he knew what hit him. Insecurity made him disappear from your life.

If only he knew that you had some of the best times of your life with him, he wouldn’t even consider leaving…

9. His friends didn’t like you

One day, he makes you feel like you’re the best woman he’s ever met. The next day, he’s completely gone out of your life and you have no idea how to get in touch with him.

You’re probably shocked that he would pursue you and then suddenly disappear, and you want to know why. But would you believe me if I told you that his friends made him act that way?

Believe it or not, men are highly dependent on their best friends. They trust them as if they know what’s best for them, and often, they follow their advice even if they don’t agree with them.

The reason could be that they hate the idea of being made fun of in the company of their friends. They feel this need to act all macho and avoid making mistakes that can cause them to be mocked.

So, when a guy meets a girl he likes, his friends usually must first approve of her. When that doesn’t happen, a guy may end up being made fun of as his pals believe that she’s not worthy of him.

Of course, this only happens when both the guy and his friends are immature and see a relationship as something that costs them their freedom.

If you’ve noticed that your guy often listens to his friends and does whatever they expect him to, then there’s your answer.

He pursued you because he liked you, but then as his buddies didn’t approve of the relationship, he disappeared from your life as if nothing happened. This behavior is wrong on so many levels and maybe you’re better off without him than to waste your time on such a childish guy.

10. He’s still interested in you but needs some time to process everything

Honestly, one of the explanations for him pursuing you and then disappearing could be that it was all too much for him at the time. He still likes you but he doesn’t know if it’s all moving too fast for comfort.

He never felt such strong emotions for anyone else. So, he couldn’t figure out if he was taking the right step or leading himself to his own downfall.

The truth is that he doesn’t want to lose you but he simply needs some more time to figure out his next move. He wants to be sure that he won’t screw things up and that’s why he pulled away.

After some time, he’ll probably reach out to you and ask you to give him a second chance.

“He pursued me then disappeared”: 5 things you should keep in mind after he goes MIA

Now that you know all of the potential reasons for him disappearing, you’re in desperate need of dating advice. You need to know what you should be doing now that he’s gone from your life.

Do you chase after him? Do you text him and tell him you miss him? Or do you simply give up on him?

Well, here is some advice to follow if you want to get through this situation like the warrior that you are.

1. Let him go

Honestly, you could simply let him go and stop thinking about him whatsoever. He’s the one who pursued you and then disappeared, which probably means that he doesn’t want to have anything with you.

In that case, your best choice would be to simply erase him from your life and move on with a clean slate.

I know it will hurt and it will probably be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. But at the same time, it’s the only right way to heal after all of the pain he put you through.

2. Expose him

At first, he was smitten with you. At least, he acted that way. He’d text you good night and you never started a day without getting a good morning message from him.

But one day, it all stopped. It was like hasta la vista, poof, and he was gone.

Now, you feel a terrible need to text him and check what’s going on. But if you show him that you miss him, it’ll be his greatest reward.

So, instead of checking up on him and testing the waters to see if he’s ever coming back, you should rather expose him. If you feel this need to reach out to him, then at least make sure to let him know you’re well aware of his dirty moves.

He pursued you and then disappeared without any explanation. That doesn’t sound much like a guy you need in your life, no matter how hard you’ve fallen for him.

3. Don’t take things personally

I know you probably feel like you did something wrong, I must tell you that this time, it really isn’t you, it’s him. He’s the one dealing with certain issues that you could’ve never seen coming.

You did nothing wrong. If anything, you only showed him that you like him and that you want to grow old with him.

He made the decision to leave you. The blame is on him.

So please stop tormenting yourself as you gave your best. If it wasn’t good enough for him, then he doesn’t even deserve you in the first place.

This is the best relationship advice I can give you right now.

4. Don’t bother chasing after him

I get it, you like him and don’t want to waste your chance with him. But at the same time, do you really want to be the one running after him? Do you want to keep searching for his crumbs of love?

He’ll either figure out what he lost and try to get you back, or he’ll keep playing it cool and not lift a finger for you.

No matter what, you should never allow yourself to chase after him as you deserve more than that. If he’s a real man then he’ll never even think about playing games with you.

Open your eyes and be honest with yourself. If he shows you that he doesn’t want you in his life, then you have nothing to fight for. If he’s not the one for you, then you can’t do much to change that.

You finally met a good one from that dating app you feel like you’ve been chained to for the last 3 months, and he asked you for a meet and greet. You met up for appetizers and the conversation was mentally stimulating. He seemed to be impressed by you too, which is refreshing considering the fact that men tend to be intimidated by your success. Plus, he was easy on the eyes! This man was great on paper and amazing in real life.

You’re intrigued to know more about him, so when the night was over, you asked him, “let me know if you want to hang out again.” His response was an enthusiastic “Sure!”

That was on Tuesday. Today is Friday. You haven’t gotten a text message from him since your great date. Did he disappear? Why didn’t he call you back?

If you’re tired of having a great first date and then nothing, I want to share 3 possible reasons why he disappeared so you can have peace and move forward with your confidence intact.

1. He was interested in you, but not attracted to you

Have you ever had a great conversation with a guy online, but when you met up, he wasn’t as delicious as you thought he’d be? Well, it can happen for men too. Think back to the date: Was the energy strong? Or did it feel like you were 2 good friends talking? If you had to take the temperature of the date, was it steaming hot, ice cold, or lukewarm?

Remember, you want a man who is excited about you, not just impressed by you.

2. He wanted something casual

Some guys disappear after a great date because they know they only want a casual hookup. Once they meet you, they can tell you want something more substantial. When you think back to the conversation, did he ask you questions about what you wanted in a relationship? Did he say something like, “So…are you the kind of woman who needs to have a label on the relationship before you have sex?” If he was fishing for information on your intentions, then it’s highly likely that he wasn’t going to go the distance with you anyway. He knew that and didn’t want to waste your time.

3. He’s dating other women

If it’s been 3 days since your last date and he hasn’t called you back, he may have a  heavy rotation of other women he’s talking to. I’m not trying to make him out to be a player. I’m giving you insight into the minds of some men who date online. They tend to go for quantity and speed, going out with as many women as they can and then eliminating them based on whatever criteria they have in their minds (and they won’t be upfront about it).

Don’t get offended or feel rejected: Take a page out of their playbook and go out with other guys too. You may meet another man on Saturday who blows Mr. Tuesday Date out the water!

Dating is rarely black and white. A great date doesn’t mean it’s going to turn into a relationship. Take your time and don’t look at the next guy through marriage eyes. Just enjoy your appetizers and drinks, lean back, and see if he pursues you. The right man won’t want you to get away, and will ask you out again before the first date is over!

BMWK, have you ever had a guy disappear after a great date? Tell me your story, and I’ll coach you on what to do about it. 

by Evan Marc Katz

Finally. You had a phenomenal date.

You were physically, emotionally, and mentally attracted. And it was reciprocal.

You know for sure, because he said it:

He couldn’t believe his luck to have met you. He’s excited about you and can imagine a future together. He can talk with you about anything. One day, he wants to get married and have kids.

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He said all this while holding your hand and looking deeply into your eyes.

On top of it all, he said you were this amazing mix of adorable and sexy. In fact, he’d never encountered this combination in his whole life. He was literally blown away by you.

The wind must have been blowing really hard, because days later, he was nowhere to be found.

The Curious Case Of The Disappearing Man

Look, I’m not trying to make light of your pain.

The reason I can be so nonchalant about what this guy did to you is because I’ve seen this happen thousands of times to women all over the world.

You might think that the connection you had with that guy was truly special, and you’re scratching your head wondering how there could have been such a sharp turnaround.

Did something you say turn him off? Was he making the whole thing up? How could anyone put up such a convincing act?

But the truth is that it happens all the time. And it’s not an act. It’s just how men are.

That’s why it doesn’t matter what a guy does on a date…

The only thing you should be paying attention to is what he does AFTER the date.

When a man wants something serious with you, you’ll know it.

He’ll call the next day. Quickly set up your next date. Keep his weekends open for you, etc.

You know this. You’ve seen this. You’ve experienced this.

THIS is how men act when they’re really into you. It’s not just talk, it’s ACTION.

Thus, it doesn’t matter if you had the best date in your life; if he left you hanging for a week afterwards without making plans to see you again, that’s all you need to know.

If you understand this, you can change your entire dating experience.

You can date in a way that lessens the roller coaster of getting your hopes up only to have everything come crashing down. And you can approach dating in a way that allows you to finally meet the guy who’ll come along for the whole ride.

But before we get to that, let me answer the one question that’s really been bugging you:

What The Hell Was He Thinking?

It’s easy to assume that men are con artists who like to game women.

It’s natural to think we just love the thrill of the chase, get bored, and move on to the next victim.

But although those men exist and it’s a gratifying answer, it’s just not that simple.

I’m one of those guys who came on strong only to later make a quick and surprising exit.

Yet, if you ask my wife (and most of the women I dated), I’m not a liar, player, or a jerk.

That means there’s a lot going on beneath the surface—for all of us.

Haven’t you ever plunged into an exciting and passionate relationship—without really knowing the person, only to discover after a few weeks or months that you made a mistake?

I did, too. Probably about a dozen times. I hated hurting these women but I also hated the fact that I was so bad at assessing our compatibility.

I had to turn over a new leaf and move slower in order to make better decisions.

You do, too.

Good guys do baffling, hurtful things all the time—not because we intend to lead you on, but because we’re really just being in the moment.

One day he’d like to be married to someone. But it doesn’t mean now, and it doesn’t necessarily mean with you. Yes, even if you’re the beautiful woman holding his hand as he says it.

Does he like you? Yes, absolutely.

But he isn’t thinking long term with you yet. He’s just thinking out loud. In general.

I know this is really hard to wrap your mind around, because you don’t operate this way.

You don’t compliment a guy if you don’t think he’s great.

You don’t sleep with a guy if you don’t care about him.

You don’t bring up a future with a guy who is only Mr. Right Now.

Guys say how they feel in that moment, which may or may not predict their future feelings.

The Only Way To Tell If He’ll Stick Around

You can get yourself into a lot of trouble by thinking a man will—and expecting a man to—approach dating like you do.

You will continuously be disappointed, feel like a victim, and conclude you have no control whatsoever over what happens in your love life.

And that’s the best way of ensuring you’ll stay alone forever.

Let’s look at the facts:

There is utterly no correlation between what a man says on a date and what he feels in his heart.

You can choose to resist this statement, rebel against it, or throw your hands up in the air and give up.

Or you can do what women who are successful in love do:

Accept that men operate differently from you and use this knowledge to your advantage.

The best way to protect yourself from disappearing guys is to:

a) understand how men approach dating, and

b) date in a way that allows you to find one guy who will stick around.

Lucky for you, that’s my specialty. I’ve spent 15 years as a dating and relationship coach, and helped thousands of women find love (even after years… or decades… of heartbreak and frustration).

I’ve partnered with Flourish to help women like you learn the truth about men, so you can stop making the same mistakes that push love away. And you can get more of my advice… for FREE… when you subscribe to our dating and relationship newsletter.

When you subscribe, you’ll get access to handpicked experts (like me!) giving you our best insights and strategies to find love and have the relationship of your dreams. You’ll learn:

• What “amazing dates” really mean—especially if you’ve had a date where the conversation flowed, you clicked on so many levels, and maybe you even slept together.
• What to say—and what not to say—to a man after those “fragile” first dates, as well as how to quickly and easily understand a man’s real intentions about you.
• How to tap into your love power center to create a relationship that lights you up, inspires you, and brings out the best of who you are
• 6 practical strategies to increase your confidence and motivation when you’ve lost faith and want to give up on love
• How to identify the false beliefs that have been sabotaging your ability to create love
• What men need to fall in love, and how to show him you are the women he’s been looking for his whole life

When you sign up to receive this jam-packed newsletter, you’ll see a radical change in the results you’re getting with men and dating.

So before you replay in your mind all the romantic words he said to you and try to pinpoint the exact moments you might have turned him off, please do yourself a favor get the insights you need to have the love life you’ve been dreaming of. Your love life will change… starting today.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,