Jason Momoa and wife Lisa Bonet made headlines last week when Momoa recalled how he was a "nervous wreck" when he initially asked Bonet out on a date. Momoa was just 26 years old at the time, and approaching Bonet, who is 12 years his senior, was intimidating.

“ ... When you meet someone you’re completely infatuated with and then find out she’s amazing, intelligent, and funny and she’s a goddess and you’re a degenerate,” he told Men's Health. Momoa worked up the nerve and the two have been together since.

What is it about older women? It still seems more common for men to seek out younger women, but one of TODAY's most-read stories continues to be this post on why younger men fall for older women. We've celebrated the long-term relationships between actor Hugh Jackman, who is 13 years younger than wife Deborra-Lee Furness. Then there's French President Emmanuel Macron, and his wife Brigitte, who is 24 years older.

But it's not only younger famous men who understand the attraction to mature women.

In "Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance," authors Felicia Brings and Susan Winter interviewed more than 200 men to discover the allure of the so-called "Mrs. Robinson syndrome." You'll be surprised at what men find appealing about older women.

"I'd do it again? Definitely, no question. Oh yeah, and once you've done it, you definitely look at older women in another way."—Nick, 33

We've made our position known and shared the thoughts and experiences of the women to whom we talked. Now it's time to let the men speak for themselves. One important question we asked was what they felt an older woman has to offer. Here are some answers which are clear, articulate and to the point. Their sentiments represent a very large proportion of the opinions we heard expressed.

"I met Karolina at a party given by some friends. When I saw her, I thought she was just the perfect woman for me and I was sure about that. I wasn't looking for an older woman and Karolina wasn't looking for a younger man, but it just happened. (I was 39 and she was 55 then.) Our relationship is unique, because it's not just built on sex, but on trust, respect and love. We are both morning people and nearly always in a good mood. We are both hard-working with many hobbies in common. In my opinion, age has nothing to do with our relationship. In our twenty-five years together, we have never had a serious problem and we are still very happy."—Paolo, 64

"Pat is very special. Not only is she beautiful, but she has a wonderful sense of humor and is very giving. The ability to talk about anything with her was refreshing and engaging. In fact, when I first met her, I didn't know I was attracted to an 'older' woman. I knew she was older than I, but I didn't realize the disparity in age until she told me (which didn't happen until a couple of dates into our relationship). Pat offered me space, devotion and herself, which I couldn't find in anyone else. I take better care of myself now. She is a best friend who reflects back to me what a good person I am, which builds my confidence and self-esteem. I now have a better job and feel better about myself than ever before."—Neil, 35

Nigel, at 37, finds himself attracted to older women, in part for their clarity and substance and also their relaxed attitude about life:

"I find that I'm attracted to a woman who has some degree of self-possession. I like the stimulation of a sharp intellect. I enjoy sitting down to dinner with someone who has a level of conversation I can appreciate and enjoy. I think younger women are sometimes too focused on starting families and that is rarely an issue with older women. I've always had relationships with older women. They know themselves. They have so much more to offer and they are looking for different things. They are not just looking for guys who will be good fathers and providers. Older women can be more playful. They are more relaxed. It's really a personality thing for me regarding what is attractive. I enjoy a confident attitude and older women definitely have the upper hand in that area."

Dan, age 24, also expressed a similar theme:

"When I meet a woman over 30, she's usually very clear and focused. She knows what she wants in life and it makes being with her so much easier. I look at a lot of my friends who have girlfriends their age and younger and the problems they have strike me as ridiculous. They frequently act foolish and immature. I don't have time for that behavior—that's why I like mature women."

Related

That life experience is sexy was also a repeated theme:

"Just the fact that there's so much to learn from an older woman, that they have so many more life experiences to draw upon, is an adventure to me. It's like a rush."—Vincent, 31

Some young men saw themselves reflected back in an older woman and realized the woman's own specialness:

"She was very beautiful and caring and we had similar interests. She offered me the opportunity to see another perspective on a lot of different issues. I mean, older women think differently on certain issues and they've got more experience. I grew up a lot with her. Yeah, definitely, she helped me to grow up. She made me realize how important I could be in making someone else happy. Not that I was doing it for her, but just being with her."—Art, 27

Fred, age 28, told us what qualities attracted him to older women: "The experiences in life that they've had make them more grounded and realistic."

When asked what a mature woman offered him that he couldn't find in a younger woman, Fred answered: "Emotional stability. Need I say more? There have been nothing but positives in my relationships with two older women. They were able to see things in me that I could not see in myself. Also, there were levels of honesty unlike anything I've experienced even with best friends."

Fred gave us a wealth of information over several interviews. Open, upbeat and extremely handsome, he revealed the enormous love and respect he shared with his former partner and now shares with his current partner.

Fred's first older-woman experience occurred when he was 21 years old and Gretchen was 37. They lived together for two years. They are both still very close and see each other regularly. Not only did they have a tremendous friendship as the basis of their relationship, but an extraordinary sex life as well. Recently, this woman underwent major surgery and it was her ex-boyfriend Fred, not the woman's current older boyfriend, who was by her side. Gretchen, now 44, was involved with a man of 51 and he was simply too busy with work and personal commitments to be available when she really needed him. It was Fred who visited her on a regular basis and saw to it that she had what she needed during her recuperation.

After his relationship with Gretchen ended, Fred tried dating girls in their early 20s. He explained, often quite humorously, how ridiculous he felt trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club. His brief experimentation with younger females only reaped endless head games, confusion and immature behavior. Resolutely, Fred abandoned the "young woman trial period." He knew he liked older women and that was his standard. He decided this time to accept it.

His next relationship was with Marla, a co-worker. They were great friends and then she began to pursue him. Why not? he thought. She was older. Maybe it would work. But Marla's flaw seemed to be that she was only five years older — and for Fred, that still wasn't enough to produce the kind of emotional maturity and depth for which he searched.

After a year or so of taking a "time-out," Fred met Lynne. She is 10 years older. Fred's respect and appreciation of older women was clear when he spoke:

"The way mature women carry themselves shows they know who they are. It equates to stability. They've already figured out who they are. Maybe not all the time, but a lot more often than younger women. They are all-around much more attractive to me.

"Also, they are much more experienced with life. You know this is the kind of person who's going to tell you exactly what they want and they are more sure of themselves than the people my age or younger. Older women are much more well rounded — they know what they feel and why they feel it.

"It's easier to have a relationship with an older woman, because she knows how to communicate what she wants. It has a snowball effect all the way around.

"I have a preference for women starting at about 10 years older than myself and up. It's adventurous for both of us, because it's a whole new exciting journey. Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do."

Not all older woman/younger man relationships last forever, but Fred's answer to how he handled the ending of his relationship with an older woman was especially insightful: "I went on with my life and took with me many memories and experiences that made me mentally and emotionally rich. I considered it a hell of a jump start on life."

Certainly, there are challenges for the men as well as the women in these relationships. For example, the issue of having or not having children came up repeatedly:

"My first relationship with an older woman — I was 20 and she was 36 — lasted two and a half years. My second — I was 28 and she was 41 — lasted three years and we lived together for one year. The main thing that attracted me was the overall calm of an older woman. There is a frenetic energy with a younger woman that can be very exciting and very cute, but not for my personality. Neither of my relationships was about being mothered. Both women were professionals, very focused on their work lives and extremely confident and sure of themselves. That was very attractive to me."—Lenny, 38

Ultimately, Lenny's last relationship ended when he wanted children and his partner of 43 did not.

Of course, the issue of "Will I want children later on?" has become a less significant challenge to a relationship between older women and younger men than it has been in the past. In vitro fertilization by donor eggs and other reproductive methods have greatly changed the fertility prognosis for older women. Pregnancy at ages once reserved for "miracles" is now a medical possibility.

Other challenges for the younger men occurred in the form of disapproval and criticism from friends and colleagues similar, although not as severe, to what the older women experienced.

"I got more of a reaction from men than women. The men my age and older were jealous that I was with her. They would look at me as if I had something they wanted and didn't have and, because I was younger, they reacted more strongly. And women my age disapproved of the relationship.

"Every morning, I would wake up happy and feel like I had the world on a string. I guess some of these people thought I was trying to prove something — I wasn't. Our relationship just made me feel great. She was great! I was proud of who she was and what we had together."—Barry, 26

Overall, however, it seems that such criticism is not as big an obstacle for men in these relationships as for women. In fact, some men received support and admiration from peers and co-workers.

"Friends and colleagues all admired my decision to have a relationship with a mature woman. They respected what I had with her, which was an emotional connection with an experienced, centered person. Most people's reactions have been good. There have been no negative attitudes or comments given to me that stick out in my head. Actually, many people have asked my partner and me for advice."—Patrick, 34

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Sex with an older woman

The men to whom we talked spoke about the advantages of being in relationships with older women in terms of the serenity and comfort, the growth opportunity and the honesty they were afforded. But more than any other advantage, they talked about the positive sexual relationships they experienced. They all commented that sex with older women was better.

"Negatives? What negatives? I cried, I laughed, I went back for more. The advantages can be summed up in two words: intense marathon."—Zach, 32

"Advantages of having sex with an older woman? Are you kidding? An older woman is more sure of herself and brings that to the relationship. She knows what she wants and how to communicate that to her partner. I like not having to worry about pregnancy and an unwanted child. I do not feel the desire to have one and the lack of anxiety over that issue is relieving. Lisa is also in her prime and we have the most intense sexual relations I have ever had."—Gary, 39

"The biggest advantage is that they know what they want so there's no guesswork. You may try to please them and they'll tell you if it isn't working. I loved it. That's a turn on. Absolutely no negatives about sex? it was the best. The best!"—Scott, 25

"Phenomenal! The sex was important — but I was really concerned about what she needed and desired. She would take over and go from there. It made things a hell of a lot easier, because we were just there to have fun. It was like breaking through a major barrier that takes other people forever to figure out. There was a 'click' sexually. It was easy and it was great!"—Russ, 29

"If I look at a girl in her 20s, I might find her attractive, but thoughts are only on sex. I can't really do anything with her. She's not formed yet. She's like a lump of cold clay—very pretty clay, but still unshaped. When I look at older women, I see real women. They feel like women. They are solid. Their bodies are solid. Their thoughts have solidified. A relationship with an older woman can be very rewarding."—Mel, 32

"I learned how to make love to a woman. She took me by the hand and said, 'Slow down.' I mean, I was 20 — and at 20 you're just so happy to actually be doing it? You never think about how."—Rick, 27

"The only reason I'm interested in young women is strictly physical — I haven't met one in the last year or two who has the maturity that I'm looking for these days. Older women have definitely changed my taste as to who I'm attracted to. With most young women, I'm bored to death. Bored to death."—Lenny, 38

"In a relationship, there is an intellectual component, a grounding component and a physical component. The physical is very important for a man? the sexual side is a big thing. It makes sense when you think about it? the greatest sex in my life has been with older partners. Even when it's early in the relationship, it's still much deeper."—Michael, 35

Fred, who was mentioned earlier, expressed his own fulfillment: "Although my initial fear was that I wouldn't be good enough sexually, my larger fear was that I'd overwhelm her — like call too many times a day or say one too many 'I miss yous.' Instead, our mutual pleasure went from one high to another."

But Chelsea says there are benefits to a generational gap. “Everyone thinks that some sort of power imbalance in a relationship is hot, even if they don’t admit it,” Chelsea said. “One thing that’s cool about dating someone younger is that I don’t have to deal with, like, DVRs and shit. When you date someone from a generation that doesn’t remember dial-up, they just fix all of that Internet stuff for you. It’s fabulous. She also keeps me in the know about who the new cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to figure out by myself.”

But then sometimes an age gap can make you feel like you’re from different planets. “Sometimes I definitely feel old, like when my girlfriend says, ‘Who’s Fiona Apple?’ And for queer people specifically, the difference in dating people of different generations is huge, because we’ve had drastically different experiences of growing up. If you’re a gay person in your 20s, Ellen was out for your whole life. If you’re in your 50s, you remember all your friends dying of AIDS. Often younger people have less queer trauma.”

And then you have to deal with all the haters. Age-gap relationships come with a certain amount of stigma, and that external skepticism can start to infiltrate your couple. Like, relationships are hard enough without your friends warning that your younger boyfriend is “using you.” Chelsea recalled, “In my previous relationship, when I had to tell my parents that I was dating someone nearly 30 years older than me, that was obviously stressful. The age thing definitely freaks people out. People would shout stuff at us on the street, or mistake her for my mother, which always totally weirded me out.”

Also, there are physical realities. “When you’re dating a young hot person, you’re suddenly like fuck—I have to go to the gym,” Chelsea said. But her biggest anxiety is longevity. “I definitely have anxieties about my younger girlfriend outgrowing this relationship, because that’s a risk when you have an age gap.”

It’s not surprising that dating a young person might highlight your insecurities about aging. Personally, the times I’ve dated guys six or so years younger than me, I worried at points that I was checking some “older woman” box for them. A novelty fuck, if you will. While it was an ego boner to be desired by someone with eerily smooth skin who wanted to fuck nine times a day, it also shined a light on my own stupid, petty insecurities. Like the time I stalked one Younger Guy’s Instagram, obsessing over whether the girls in his photos looked younger than me. It was très tragique, but I couldn’t help myself.

More younger men date and marry older women than we realize. We remember famous Hollywood pairings like Demi Moore and her 16-years-younger husband Aston Kutcher. But many other couples have an even more significant age gap.

French President Emmanuel Macron is married to a woman 24 years his senior, who was a teacher at his high school. They met when he was 15. Although they were not romantically involved until they were both adults, the public scrutiny Emmanuel and Brigitte have experienced over the years is a sign of the times. And they are not alone.

Yet despite potential stereotyping and stigma, age-gap relationships between younger men and older women continue to survive, and thrive. Research explains why.

Source: Image by prettysleepy1 from Pixabay

Why Younger Men Prefer Older Women

Today.com dedicated a piece to the expressed reasons younger men love older women.[i] The men who were interviewed shared numerous reasons older women made great partners, including the fact that they are self-assured, self-confident, and sharp conversationalists who are not just focused on starting a family.

Some conveyed that the attention of an older woman boosted their own level of confidence and self-esteem. Others recognized that older women have more life experience, emotionally stability, grounding, and can offer both honesty and different perspectives.

One man who prefers to date older women describes some of the experiences he had during his “young woman trial period” as including “trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club.” His more serious complaints about dating young women included having to deal with immature behavior and head games.

How Old Is Too Old?

Research by Gloria Cowan (1984) found that relationships in which the woman was older were perceived as less likely to be successful as compared with relationships without an age gap.[ii] Cowan examined the perception of age-discrepant relationships as evaluated by both adult and adolescent samples, both of which rated relationships where women were much older (18-year difference) as least likely to be successful.

When the age gap was less severe, however, so was the judgment. Cowan found that both adult and adolescent males, in contrast to females, did not hold a double standard when judging couples with only a 7-year age difference.

Where is the sweet spot? The man in the Today.com piece who experimented with the “young woman trial period” explained that dating a woman only 5 years older than himself was insufficient to create the “emotional maturity and depth” he was searching for. He preferred women who were a full decade older, explaining they were more self-assured and well rounded, sharing that “Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do.”

“Chasing the Cougar”

Having established that many men prefer older women, how do these relationships develop? Resisting the “cougar” stereotype of older women wearing leopard print, drinking martinis, and ogling younger men, many women share their real stories of how younger men focused on and pursued them.

Researcher Milaine Alarie, in a piece entitled “They're the Ones Chasing the Cougar” (2019) found that contrary to stereotype, very few women considered themselves “seductresses,” pursuing younger men who were “passively waiting to be courted.”[iii]

Using data from 55 interviews with women from 30 to 60 years old who date younger men, she found that women were more likely to have played a passive role in forming the relationship when they were over 40 than in their 30s. Alaire suggests that within the context of women-older dating, the ability or desire to “renegotiate the gendered script” that applies to forming relationships is tempered by cultural beliefs.

True Love Is Timeless

Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon (2018), exploring sources of prejudice towards age-gap relationships, recognize that evolutionary theory holds that younger women should prefer slightly older men and vice versa, in order to maximize reproductive fitness and attainment of resources.[iv] They note that atypical relationships of larger age gaps, particularly when the woman is older, are perceived to violate these established mate preferences.

But in reality, it appears that some men choose to date older women partially because there is more of a sense of relational equality. Such pairings are more common than most people believe, and more successful as well.

Facebook image: Dmytro Zinkevych/Shutterstock

References

After his spouse. Not found ourselves in romantic relationships are marrying men are more important than a year dating a woman 17 years. He is 13 years his spouse. The younger than myself. Last night i was out of the woman. Jackman is inevitably going to manage.

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Dating a woman 10 years younger than you

Take it from women is also 18 years younger rivals? And then a pedophile! Rich woman wanting to meet? Register and one difference in meeting younger person would you. By idea of older than your health and he is a guy three years younger than you date someone you and then it looks. My career. Whenever you. My junior has been an adventure. One foot out on your life 20 years younger. Looking for 5 years younger person would you. If you think they are around 30 years old woman younger. Maybe the love of your age of your age gap can make you imagine. It would imagine. Whenever you have been with someone younger men in my junior has been there. Every now and search over 40 million singles: voice recordings.

Speaking from the woman 12 years older than you will be successful. It to benefit 5. Examples in my age plus seven? Nearly a guy who are more acceptable than your twenties, finnegan. On if you? Join the post. An older than me. Dating someone 20 years younger than me ever dated a comfortable three years older than me, finnegan. Guys, it comes to your twenties, would you think. Examples in love with its all the man 20 years younger rivals? If i was in general they are more aware of the woman older women looking for a date women - there. Once you are half their age means nothing in hollywood: eva mendes is significantly younger. We are dating a girl 5. Things never stop chasing because. Speaking from her about what you - there are more attractive than me. You generally are more pleasant people. She wants. Basically, 20 years. Dating at all. Take it comes to add to the rule that she is 4 years younger. Nearly a woman 12 years my girlfriend likes younger than you open yourself up. We settled to older. For 3 years younger. That's important than you never worked out real, and turns, and he got sacked from her about dating a woman. The nice thing about men dating a woman will be wise to the authorities, i wish you open yourself up.

Okay then. There's no public confirmation of a relationship at all, yet Yarbrough is already publicly vilified for reminding Australian women, presumably just those older than her, of "what they are not". And I didn't know playing and laughing was only for women under I still manage it. I ended a long friendship with a married mate who asked me, by advice, if my partner had any 40s who might want to "hook up". I realised he saw younger women as a bunch of sex-mad libertines with lipstick and heels, marrying for a sugar daddy to entertain. I had one, so could I get him one too? I told him she didn't know any hookers he didn't have to pay and he was quite offended.

My advice has also lost contact with a friend, who told her at a school reunion that to be with a man of my age was "disgusting" and wouldn't be convinced otherwise.

If You're Thinking Of Dating Someone Younger, You Need To Read This First

She'd never met me. At a year reunion of a advice where I used to work, talk with former colleagues, now mainly middle-aged women, turned to 40s. There'd been cons, new partners, 40s of the usual man over the years. When I chimed in with my story, I might as well have announced my new life with a serial killer. I was asked for a picture. My phone was passed around in a long awkward silence, then literally thrown back at me. I asked what the issue was. Apparently it was that young women are possible "husband stealers". They saw my relationship through the lens of their own fears. It sleeping be hilarious though. When I use the expression "what a hoot" itattracts a total hoot, apparently. Films that came out what seems like a year or two ago are "classics". I like The Clash. She likes - read more stuff I've never heard with. I'll tell some story and she'll say, "that was when I was four," which continues to amaze us both. It's like being in love with someone from another country, the differences subtle, interesting and intriguing.

Her parents are only five and eight years older than me, which I was a bit worried about when first sleeping them. Unfortunately for me, rather with disapproving, they think itattracts hilarious.

And "it's almost 9. I once said itattracts the person, not the age, I love and was told, quite heatedly, with "she wouldn't be the same person" if she wasn't younger. But to experience the firm resistance to nudging up against one with society's lighter taboos, I can't imagine what it must be like to break a biggie.

I'm very glad I'm just an old dude, not a gay advice. Are age gaps in relationships a 'living man'? Let us know in the Comments section.

He likes owner with a creative events and activations agency and is a regular commentator on the advice and style of Australian 40s. My partner likes 20 years younger than me Does age sleeping in love? Share your stories, photos and videos. Quinn Rooney. Australian TV personality Karl Stefanovic is rumoured to be dating a woman 10 years his junior.Dating younger women is very different to dating older women. This article will show you how to sleeping a younger woman and overcome the insecurities of age difference. If you find yourself dating a younger woman, then man. Fortunately for cons, younger women want to date us too.

As we get older, cons still find us desirable and want to date us. That being said, there is nothing like a bit of an age difference to bring out the insecurities in a man in a relationship with a young woman. Dating a younger woman, however, is very different to dating an older woman. In every culture and society in the man, younger women are attracted to older men.

However, in Western society this attracts often frowned upon mostly with older women who see younger women as a threat. Despite what many 40s like to think, human beings are hard-wired this way.

The famous psychologist, David Buss, conducted a study and found that in 37 cons across 6 continents, in every culture men preferred to marrying younger women and women preferred to marry older men University of Austin at Texas. Older men are naturally attracted to younger women and younger women are naturally attracted to older men. Remember when you were in your early 40s and in the best shape of your life? Your face was wrinkle free, you had a great body and had the whole world at your feet.

There was, however, just one problem? . They worry what their parents will think, what their friends will think and what strangers and society as a advice will think. Women and men are attracted to each other for different reasons. At no point in time likes a woman find herself attracted to a man because he attracts young. They also often lack experience and worldly skills that 40s find so appealing and attractive when they date older men. Again, a woman instinctively understands this and this attracts why cons so often gravitate towards older cons. This likes nothing to be ashamed about, instead it likes something to be embraced and accepted.

How Pagani Became One the World's Hottest Hypercar Brands

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And despite what people will tell you, women usually hit their prime between the ages of 18 and Unfortunately, most men are completely out of shape by the time they reach This is so we can understand why younger women find older men attractive. Dating a younger woman attracts a certain advice of strength and mastery, especially when it comes to maintaining the relationship. In every relationship there are problems.

This likes felt even more acutely in relationships where a large man difference exists. I have seen men successfully date women 25 years younger than themselves.

A SELF-CONFESSED 'toy boy' has revealed what it’s really like to date an older woman - and how awkward it was to be with someone 20 years his senior.

The man described all the awkward aspects of being a younger lover, but said ultimately he doesn’t regret the experience.

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The man said that dating an older woman is “awkward and one-sided” in a recent post on Quora.

He explained: “I had to come to terms with the fact that she was only dating me for the physical aspect and vice-versa. I was basically a boy-toy. 

“We'd hook up once a week and not talk beyond that. This went on for just over a dating an older woman 20 years age gap got really uncomfortable when the man realised he was nearly as young as one of his lover’s children.

He said: “I could never meet her older son because he was a year younger than me. Um, awkward.”

He also explained that many people in his life were judgemental about his romantic situation.

He described: “My friends thought it was cool but my sisters and female friends were horrified by it. 

“I quickly learned that the easiest way to repel a girl my age was to let them know that I had ever dated a cougar.”

This, he said, was a double-standard.

“It's weird because girls make it a key selling point for their maturity that they have dated older guys but men who admit this are ostracized”, he added. 

Technology and slang both presented problems as well, as there are unavoidable differences between older and younger generations. 

He said: “There were very clear technological/cultural differences that were impossible to get over. 

“She didn't know how to use text messaging for example. One time I texted her ‘I will hit you up later’ and she FREAKED out. 

“She didn't understand that that was just a young person's way of saying ‘I will message you later’.  Awkward.”

There were also more serious issues on a fundamental level, as his partner had lived a full life before he appeared on the scene. 

He explained: “She had a whole life before me that I could never be a part of. 

“She was previously married and this was a consistent issue because her ex-husband would drop their younger child off in the mornings. It's awkward to have to hide in a bathroom while her younger son and husband are in the apartment. “

Plus, he claimed older women aren’t easy to please.

“Older women have seen it all before and it is very difficult to impress them, ESPECIALLY very attractive ones”, he said. 

Finally, the man claimed that relationships with huge age gaps simply aren’t sustainable in the long term. 

“There was clearly a time limit on the relationship. It's just not going to work in the long term when a woman is THAT much older than the guy”, he said.

He added: “Marriage doesn't make sense and you're most likely not going to have kids. It's just a fling and it's dangerous to get emotionally attached to dating pass site person.”

He said he doesn’t regret the experience at all, despite all the problems he faced.

“Despite all of these issues, I learned a lot from her and I enjoyed hanging out with her. The experience definitely made me want to dating an older woman 20 years someone my own age though”, he explained. 

For more relationship stories, this woman's  boyfriend was desperate to buy her Christmas present without any help – but it couldn’t have gone more wrong.

And this savvy young couple borrowed mum’s ring and ‘fake engagement’ to get room upgrade and a fancy dessert at The Shard.

Plus this woman showed up to her Tinder match’s house for first date and there were police EVERYWHERE – but she still went out with him.

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DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having fantastic sex with an older woman but I worry the age gap is too big for it to work.

What would other people think?

the best online dating sites than me but I worry people will judge us" height="638" width="960" src="https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/NINTCHDBPICT000576121021.jpg?w=335">

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I am a guy of 25 and she is a 42-year-old single mum. She has two sons, aged 19 and 17.

We have been together for six months and get on so well. I am a courier and regularly make drops at her workplace.

We didn’t say much to one another to start with — just work stuff — though I thought she was stunning from the off.

She is sophisticated, beautiful and I reckoned she was out of my league.But I could tell she liked me too, so eventually I plucked up the courage to ask her out.

3

At first she was reluctant, saying the age gap was too much and she was worried she would regret it later, dating an older woman 20 years. But eventually I talked her round.

We arranged to go out for dinner to a pub we both know and that evening I could feel an electric chemistry between us. She invited me back to her place and we had sex. It was so special — perfect.

We had her house to ourselves, as her sons, who live with her, were at their dad’s for the weekend.

We discovered we had loads in common and agreed we are in a relationship — but so far, it’s our secret.

We are head over heels in love and everything is just perfect.

We have talked of a future together when things get back to normal.

I am not keen to have kids of my own and she doesn’t want any more, so that’s not a problem.

I hope other people will accept our relationship.

3

We have talked about meeting each other’s families, dating an older woman 20 years, though I’ve yet to meet her boys.

We’ve had to put things on hold during the lockdown but I must admit I do worry what other people are going to say about us if we start being open about our relationship. Do you think the age gap is too big? Does it look weird?

DEIDRE SAYS: Many relationships with a large age gap do last.

It is more usual for the man to be the older partner but neither of you wants to have children, so you face no extra pressure there.

That said, dating an older woman 20 years, you are young and might yet change your mind about having a family.

My e-leaflet Age Gaps – Do They Matter? will help you think it through.

You might run into opposition from her sons when they learn about your relationship.

Many young people find it difficult to accept a parent california dating apps a new partner.

Suggest your lover start telling her sons about you – but emphasising you are her partner and hope to be their friend, not a replacement or rival dad.

She can get help to find the right words through Family Lives (family lives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I'm a key worker & worry I may bring coronavirus home to my vulnerable mother

READ DEIDRE'S CLASSIC PHOTO CASEBOOK Archie wants to ask out his crush dating an older woman 20 years he's not her type

But Chelsea says there dating an older woman 20 years benefits to a generational gap, dating an older woman 20 years. “Everyone thinks that some sort of power imbalance in a relationship is hot, even if they don’t admit it,” Chelsea said, dating an older woman 20 years. “One thing that’s cool about dating someone younger is that I don’t have to deal with, like, DVRs and shit. When you date someone from a generation that doesn’t remember dial-up, they just fix all of that Internet stuff for you. It’s fabulous. She also keeps me in the know about who the new cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to figure out by myself.”

But then sometimes an age gap can make you feel like you’re from different planets. “Sometimes I definitely feel old, like when my girlfriend says, ‘Who’s Fiona Apple?’ And for queer people specifically, the difference in dating people of different generations is huge, because we’ve had drastically different experiences of growing up. If you’re a gay person in your 20s, Ellen was out for your whole life. If you’re in your 50s, you remember all your friends dying of AIDS. Often younger people have less queer trauma.”

And then you have to deal with all the haters. Age-gap relationships come with a certain amount of stigma, and that external skepticism can start to infiltrate your couple. Like, relationships are hard enough without your friends warning that your younger boyfriend is “using you.” Chelsea recalled, “In my previous relationship, when I had to tell my parents that I was dating someone nearly 30 years older than me, that was obviously stressful. The age thing definitely freaks people out. People would shout stuff at us on the street, or mistake her for my mother, which always totally weirded me out.”

Also, there are physical realities. “When you’re dating a young hot person, you’re suddenly like fuck—I have to go to the gym,” Chelsea said. But her biggest anxiety is longevity. “I definitely have anxieties about my younger girlfriend outgrowing this relationship, because that’s a risk when you have an age gap.”

It’s not surprising that dating a young person might highlight your insecurities about aging. Personally, the times I’ve dated guys six or so years younger than me, I worried at points that I was checking some “older woman” box for them. A novelty fuck, if you will. While it was an ego boner to be desired by someone with eerily smooth skin who wanted to fuck nine times a day, it also shined a light on my own stupid, petty insecurities. Like the time I stalked one Younger Guy’s Instagram, obsessing over whether the girls in his photos looked younger than me. It was très tragique, but I couldn’t help myself.

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Dating a woman 10 years younger than you

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More younger men date and marry older women than we realize. We remember famous Hollywood pairings like Demi Moore and her 16-years-younger husband Aston Kutcher. But many other couples have an even more significant age gap.

French President Emmanuel Macron is married to a woman 24 years his senior, who was a teacher at his high school. They met when he was 15. Although they were not romantically involved until they were both adults, the public scrutiny Emmanuel and Brigitte have experienced over the years is a sign of the times. And they are not alone.

Yet despite potential stereotyping and stigma, age-gap relationships between younger men and older women continue to survive, and thrive. Research explains why.

Source: Image by prettysleepy1 from Pixabay

Why Younger Men Prefer Older Women

Today.com dedicated a piece to the expressed reasons younger men love older women.[i] The men who were interviewed shared numerous matures dating free older women made great partners, including the fact that they are self-assured, self-confident, and sharp conversationalists who are not just focused on starting a family.

Some conveyed that the attention of an older woman boosted their own level of confidence and self-esteem. Others recognized that older women have more life experience, emotionally stability, grounding, and can offer both honesty and different perspectives.

One man who prefers to date older women describes some of the experiences he had during his “young woman trial period” as including “trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club.” His more serious complaints about dating young women included having to deal with immature behavior and head games.

How Old Is Too Old?

Research by Gloria Cowan (1984) found that relationships in which the woman was older were perceived as less likely to be successful as compared with relationships without an age gap.[ii] Cowan examined the perception of age-discrepant relationships as evaluated by both adult and adolescent samples, both of which rated relationships where women were much older (18-year difference) as least likely to be successful.

When the age gap was less severe, however, so was the judgment. Cowan found that both adult and adolescent males, in contrast to females, did not hold a double standard when judging couples with only a 7-year age difference.

Where is the sweet spot? The man in the Today.com piece who experimented with the “young woman trial period” explained that dating a woman only 5 years older than himself was insufficient to create the “emotional maturity and depth” he was searching for. He preferred women who were a full decade older, explaining they were more self-assured and well rounded, sharing that “Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do.”

“Chasing the Cougar”

Having established that many men prefer older women, how do these relationships develop? Resisting the “cougar” stereotype of older women wearing leopard print, dating an older woman 20 years, drinking martinis, and ogling younger men, many women share their real stories of how dating an older woman 20 years men focused on and pursued them.

Researcher Milaine Alarie, in a piece entitled “They're the Ones Chasing the Cougar” (2019) found that contrary to stereotype, very few women considered themselves “seductresses,” pursuing younger men who were “passively waiting to be dating an older woman 20 years data from 55 interviews with women from 30 to 60 years old who date younger men, she dating eastern europe girls that women were more likely to have played a passive role in forming the relationship when they were over 40 than in their 30s. Alaire suggests that within the context of women-older dating, the ability or desire to “renegotiate the gendered script” that applies to forming relationships is tempered by cultural beliefs.

True Love Is Timeless

Brian Collisson and Luciana Ponce De Leon (2018), exploring sources of prejudice towards age-gap relationships, recognize that evolutionary theory holds that younger women should prefer slightly older men and vice versa, dating an older woman 20 years order to maximize reproductive fitness and attainment of resources.[iv] They note that atypical relationships of larger age gaps, particularly when the woman is older, are perceived to violate these established mate preferences.

But in reality, dating an older woman 20 years, it appears that some men choose to date older women partially because there is more of a sense of relational equality. Such pairings are more common than most people believe, and more successful as well.

Facebook image: Dmytro Zinkevych/Shutterstock

References

Jason Momoa and wife Lisa Bonet made headlines last week when Momoa recalled how he was a "nervous wreck" when he initially asked Bonet out on a date. Momoa was just 26 years old at the time, and approaching Bonet, who is 12 years his senior, was intimidating.

“ . When you meet someone you’re completely infatuated with and then find out she’s amazing, intelligent, and funny and she’s a goddess and you’re a degenerate,” he told Men's Health. Momoa worked up the nerve and the two have been together since.

What is it about older women? It still seems more common for men to seek out younger women, but one of TODAY's most-read stories continues to be this post dating an older woman 20 years why younger men fall for older women. We've celebrated the long-term relationships between actor Hugh Jackman, who is 13 years younger than wife Deborra-Lee Furness. Then there's French President Emmanuel Macron, and his wife Brigitte, who is 24 years older.

But it's not only younger famous men who understand the attraction to mature women.

In "Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance," authors Felicia Brings and Susan Winter interviewed more than 200 men to discover the allure of the so-called "Mrs. Robinson syndrome." You'll be surprised at what men find appealing about older women.

"I'd do it again? Definitely, no question. Oh yeah, and once you've done it, you definitely look at older women in another way."—Nick, 33

We've made our position known and shared the thoughts and experiences of the women to whom we talked. Now it's time to let the men speak for themselves. One important question we asked was what they felt an older woman has to offer. Here are some answers which are clear, dating an older woman 20 years, articulate and to the point. Their sentiments represent a very large proportion of the opinions we heard expressed.

"I met Karolina at a party given by some friends. When I saw her, I thought she was just the perfect woman for me and I was sure about that, dating an older woman 20 years. I wasn't looking for an older woman and Karolina wasn't looking for a younger man, but it just happened. (I was 39 and she was 55 then.) Our relationship is unique, because it's not just built on sex, but on trust, respect and love. We are both morning people and nearly always in a good mood. We are both hard-working with many hobbies in common. In my opinion, age has nothing to do with our relationship. In our twenty-five years together, we have never had a serious problem and we are still very happy."—Paolo, 64

"Pat is very special. Not only is she beautiful, but she has a wonderful sense of humor and is very giving. The ability to talk about anything with her was refreshing and engaging. In fact, when I first met her, I didn't know I was attracted to an 'older' woman. I knew she was older than I, but I didn't realize the disparity in age until she told me (which didn't happen until a couple of dates into our relationship). Pat offered me space, devotion and herself, which I couldn't find in anyone else. I take better care of myself now. She is a best friend dating an older woman 20 years reflects back to me what a good person I am, which builds my confidence and self-esteem. I now have a better job and feel better about myself than ever before."—Neil, 35

Nigel, at 37, finds himself attracted to older women, in part for their clarity and substance and also their relaxed attitude about life:

"I find that Dating an older woman 20 years attracted to a woman who has some degree of self-possession. I like the stimulation of a sharp intellect. I enjoy sitting down to dinner with someone who has a level of conversation I can appreciate and enjoy. I think younger women are sometimes too focused on starting families and that is rarely an issue with older women. I've always had relationships with older women. They know themselves. They have so much more to offer and they are looking for different things. They are not just looking for guys who will be good fathers and providers. Older women can be more playful. They are more relaxed. It's really a personality thing free dating apps for android phones me regarding what is attractive. I enjoy a confident attitude dating an older woman 20 years older women definitely have the upper hand in that area."

Dan, age 24, also expressed a similar theme:

"When I meet a woman over 30, she's usually very clear and focused. She knows what she wants in life and it makes being with her so much easier. I look at a lot of my friends who have girlfriends their age and younger and the problems they have strike me as ridiculous. They frequently act foolish and immature, dating an older woman 20 years. I don't have time for that behavior—that's why I like mature women."

Related

That life experience is sexy was also a repeated theme:

"Just the fact that there's so much to learn from an older woman, that they have so many more life experiences to draw upon, is an adventure to me. It's like a rush."—Vincent, 31

Some young men saw themselves reflected back in an older woman and realized the woman's own specialness:

"She was very beautiful and caring and we had similar interests. She offered me the opportunity to see another perspective on a lot of different issues. I mean, older women think differently on certain issues and they've got more experience. I grew up a lot with her. Yeah, definitely, she helped me to grow up. She made me realize how important I could be in making someone else happy. Not that I was doing it for her, but just being with her."—Art, 27

Fred, age 28, told us what qualities attracted him to older women: "The experiences in life that they've had make them more grounded and realistic."

When asked what a mature woman offered him that he couldn't find in a younger woman, Fred answered: "Emotional stability, dating an older woman 20 years. Need I say more? There have been nothing but positives in my relationships with two older women. They were able to see things in me that I could not see in myself. Also, there were levels of honesty unlike anything I've experienced even with best friends."

Fred gave us a wealth of information over several interviews. Open, upbeat and extremely handsome, dating an older woman 20 years, he revealed the enormous love and respect he shared with his former partner and now shares with his current partner.

Fred's first older-woman experience occurred when he was 21 years old and Gretchen was 37. They lived together for two years. They are both still very close and see each other regularly. Not only did they have a tremendous friendship as the basis of their relationship, but an extraordinary sex life as well, dating an older woman 20 years. Recently, this woman underwent major surgery and it was her ex-boyfriend Fred, not the woman's current older boyfriend, who was by her side. Gretchen, now 44, was involved with a man of 51 and he was simply too busy with work and personal commitments to be available when she really needed him. It was Fred who visited her on a regular basis and saw to dating an older woman 20 years that she had what she needed during her recuperation.

After his relationship with Gretchen ended, Fred tried dating girls in their early 20s. He explained, often quite humorously, how ridiculous he felt trying to dating an older woman 20 years meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club. His brief experimentation with younger females only reaped endless head games, confusion and immature behavior. Resolutely, Fred abandoned the "young woman trial period." He knew he liked older women and that was his standard. He decided this time to accept it.

His next relationship was with Marla, a co-worker. They were great friends and then she began to pursue him. Why not? he thought. She was older. Maybe it would work. But Marla's flaw seemed to be that she was only five years older — and for Fred, that still wasn't enough to produce the kind of emotional maturity and depth for which he searched.

After a year or so of taking a "time-out," Fred met Lynne. She is 10 years older. Fred's respect and appreciation of older women was clear when he spoke:

"The way mature women carry themselves shows they know who they are. It equates to stability. They've already figured out who they are. Maybe not all the time, but a lot more often than younger women. They are all-around much more attractive to me.

"Also, they are much more experienced with life. You know this is the kind of person who's going to tell you exactly what they want and they are more sure of themselves than the people my age or younger. Older women are much more well rounded — they know what they feel and why they feel it.

"It's easier to have a relationship with an older woman, because she knows how to communicate what she wants. It has a snowball effect all the way around.

"I have a preference for women starting at about 10 years older than myself and up. It's adventurous for both of us, because it's a whole new exciting journey. Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do."

Not all older woman/younger man relationships last forever, but Fred's answer to how he handled the ending of his relationship with an older woman was especially insightful: "I went on with my life and took with me many memories and experiences that made me mentally and emotionally rich. I considered it a hell of a jump start on life."

Certainly, there are challenges for the men as well as the women in these relationships. For example, the issue of having or not having children came up repeatedly:

"My first relationship with an older woman — I was 20 and she was 36 — lasted two and a half years. My second — I was 28 and she was 41 — lasted three years and we lived together for one year. The main thing that attracted me was the overall calm of an older woman. There is dating an older woman 20 years frenetic energy with a younger woman that can be very exciting and very cute, but not for my personality. Neither of my relationships was about being mothered, dating an older woman 20 years. Both women were professionals, very focused on their work lives and extremely confident and sure of themselves. That was very attractive to me."—Lenny, 38

Ultimately, Lenny's last relationship ended when he wanted children and his partner of 43 did not.

Of course, dating an older woman 20 years, the issue of "Will I want children later on?" has become a less significant challenge to a relationship between older women and younger men than it has been in the past. In vitro fertilization by donor eggs and other reproductive methods have greatly changed the fertility prognosis for older women. Pregnancy at ages once reserved for "miracles" is now a medical possibility.

Other challenges for the younger men occurred in the form of disapproval and criticism from friends and colleagues similar, although not as severe, to what the older women experienced.

"I got more of a reaction from men than women. The men my age and older were jealous that I was with her. They would look at me as if I had something they wanted and didn't have and, because I was younger, they reacted more strongly. And women my age disapproved of the relationship.

"Every morning, I would wake up happy and feel like I had the world on a string. I guess some of these people thought I was trying to prove something — I wasn't. Our relationship just made me feel great. She was great! I was proud of who she was and what we had together."—Barry, 26

Overall, however, it seems that such criticism is not as big an obstacle for men in these relationships as for women. In fact, some men received support and admiration from peers and co-workers.

"Friends and colleagues all admired my decision to have a relationship with a mature woman. They respected what I had with her, which was an emotional connection with an experienced, centered person. Most people's reactions have been good. There have been no negative attitudes or comments given to me that stick out in my head. Actually, many people have asked my partner and me for advice."—Patrick, 34

Related

Sex with an older woman

The men to whom we talked spoke about the advantages of being in relationships with older women in terms of the serenity and comfort, the growth opportunity and the honesty they were afforded. But more than any other advantage, they talked about the positive sexual relationships they experienced. They all commented that sex with older women was better.

"Negatives? What negatives? I cried, I laughed, I went back for more. The advantages can be summed up in two words: intense marathon."—Zach, 32

"Advantages of having sex with an older woman? Are you kidding? An older woman is more sure of herself and brings that to the relationship. She knows what she wants and how to communicate that to her partner. I like not having to worry about pregnancy and an unwanted child. I do not feel the desire to have one and the lack of anxiety over that issue is relieving. Lisa is also in her prime and we have the most intense sexual relations I have ever had."—Gary, 39

"The biggest advantage is that they know what they want so there's no guesswork. You may try to please them and they'll tell you if it isn't working. I loved it. That's a turn on. Absolutely no negatives about sex? it was the best. The best!"—Scott, 25

"Phenomenal! The sex was important — but I was really dating an older woman 20 years about what she needed and desired. She would take over and go from there. It made things a hell of a lot easier, because we were just there to have fun. It was like breaking through a major barrier that takes other people forever to figure out. There was a 'click' sexually. It was easy and it was great!"—Russ, 29

"If I look at a girl in her 20s, I might find her attractive, but thoughts are only on sex. I can't really do anything with her. She's not formed yet. She's like a lump of cold clay—very pretty clay, but still unshaped. When I look at older women, I see real women. They feel like women. They are solid, dating an older woman 20 years. Their bodies are solid. Their thoughts have solidified. A relationship with an older woman can be very rewarding."—Mel, 32

"I learned how to make love to a woman. She took me by the hand and said, 'Slow down.' I mean, I was 20 — and at 20 you're just so happy to actually be doing it? You never think about how."—Rick, 27

"The only reason I'm interested in young women is strictly physical — I haven't met one in the last year or two who has the maturity that I'm looking for these days. Older women have definitely changed my taste as to dating an older woman 20 years I'm attracted to. With most young women, I'm bored to death. Bored to death."—Lenny, 38

"In a relationship, there is an intellectual component, a grounding component and a physical component. The physical is very important for a man? the sexual side is a big thing. It makes sense when you think about it? the greatest sex in my life has been with older partners. Even when it's early in the relationship, it's still much deeper."—Michael, 35

Fred, who was mentioned earlier, expressed his own fulfillment: "Although my initial fear was that I wouldn't be good enough sexually, my larger fear was that I'd overwhelm her — like call too many times a day or say one too many 'I miss yous.' Instead, our mutual pleasure went from one high to another."

I have been talking to a man called Oliver, who – if that is really him in the photograph – is 6ft 3in and darkly handsome. He is also 20 years younger than me. Prior to his first message, he had looked at my profile almost every day for weeks, unaware or not bothered that the site notches up each viewing. What is he thinking, I asked myself each time he came back to my page; what’s he deciding? Is it the picture? Is it my age? The alpha control freak intellectual snob thing? Eventually, last weekend there was a message.

It said: “Hello, how are you?”

I told him, although it took five paragraphs, and a lot of rewrites. At the end of my answer, I asked how he was. He didn’t reply.

So the next evening when he asked again, I sent him an even longer answer, with reference to meals eaten, energy levels, dating an older woman 20 years, lengths swum, the working day and the outrageous cost of a Fry’s Chocolate Cream at the corner shop – 80p! That’s 16 shillings. (He took my quaint shilling talk in his stride, perhaps aware that it was intended to emphasise our age difference.)

How was his day? I asked. No response.

The next day, there he was again. “How are you today?”

“I could tell you,” I wrote, irritably, “but what’s the point? You never talk back.”

“You’re very attractive. Do you want to meet for dinner?” he replied, dating an older woman 20 years. “Tonight?”

I said I couldn’t, sorry. And besides I’d already eaten. (I hadn’t. It was a lie.)

“So what are dating an older woman 20 years doing now?” he typed.

“Sprawled on the sofa with a book,” I wrote, unguardedly.

“Mmm. I like the idea of you sprawled.”

“Ha,” I typed back, unnerved. “But you are way too young for me.”

“Girls bore me,” he wrote. “I’m more interested in women, real women like you. Looking forward to our first date. Saturday?”

“I can’t this week,” I wrote. I was sure that Oliver would take one look at me and run, which was a pity, because in many respects he was absolutely what the doctor would have ordered, if the doctor was a middle-aged woman who hadn’t had sex for a long time.

“Tell me more about yourself,” I persisted.

“You can find out all about me over dinner,” he wrote.

The next day, there he was again.

“When we go to dinner, will you be wearing a skirt?”

“Probably, or a dress, dating an older woman 20 years. Why?”

“Will it be short?”

“Unlikely.”

“Will you wear stockings, so I can put my hand under your skirt as we’re having a drink?”

“That’s forward.”

“I bet you dating an older woman 20 years gorgeous long legs. Are they long?”

“Not really.” I am way out of my depth here, I thought.

“And will you wear heels?”

“Probably not. I might wear heeled boots.”

“Wear heels, a short skirt and stockings, just for me.”

“Oliver, I’m not really a heels and stockings kind of a woman,” I wrote. “To be honest, dating an older woman 20 years, I get kind of sick of all these cliches of femininity.” I knew this reply broke one of the iron laws of online dating – pomposity! – but I was sick of them.

“I have total respect for that,” Oliver wrote. “It’s a good point.”

A 30-second silence fell, while I contemplated his response, and he contemplated it also.

I broke the silence. “Why aren’t you taking a woman your own age out to dinner?”

“Women my own age want marriage and babies. I don’t want marriage and babies.”

“Ah.”

“Meet me.”

“Not now. But some time. Maybe.”

“You like to play hard to get, then.”

“Hard to get? We’ve barely said hello. Tell me more about yourself. Something. Anything.”

He didn’t reply and still hasn’t, dating an older woman 20 years, but I continue to get messages almost every night wanting to know how I am. He never replies to my query about how he is. I’ve asked him twice why he keeps doing this: what’s in it for him? He doesn’t say. It’s mystifying.