Speaking, opinion: Good conversation topics online dating
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Dating app conversation starters
Let’s be real, very few of us have mastered dating app conversation starters; what to say; how to say it; when to say it? There are so many questions. And in all honesty, there’s no right answer. When it comes to writing the first message, the most important advice we can offer is do what feels right for you, and the typing will follow. But if you are stuck, we have a few sage words of wisdom.
Send something funny
A gif, a meme, or quote is a great way of initiating some dialogue, good conversation topics online dating. It’s also a good way to express your personality and interests without having to actually say anything - a picture says a 1000 words. Images are fantastic ice breakers and can relax what can be, a nerve-racking situation. And who doesn’t love a meme?
Cracking a joke can also be a great way to get the ball rolling, especially because a sense of humour is so attractive (we think). Opening with a funny one-liner can show the person on the other end that you don’t take yourself too seriously and you’re up for some banter.
We liked: How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
But we also liked: So last night, I was reading The Book Of Numbers and I realised I don’t have yours.
Start with something traditional
When it comes to dating app conversation starters, simple is sometimes best. Why not start with a simple ‘hey, how are you?’ ‘How was your day’ or, even better, pick up on something in their bio.
We liked: Where was that picture of you {insert description} taken? Tell me more about it.
Get dirty but not disgusting
Now, when we say dirty, we’re straddling the border of dirty and cute, not gross and uncomfortable. Keep it light, a tongue in cheek type thing that will keep it more ‘ahhh’ not ‘ewww’.
We liked: I love all of your sexy curves, but your smile is my favourite’.
Romance isn’t dead
Romance is very important when it comes to dating, so a romantic throw away line can be a great dating app conversation starter. A lovely compliment can be really heart melting or even throwing in a pick-up line – and who cares if it’s cheesy, we love a cheese board!
We like: You must do interior design because you definitely made this room more beautiful.
And once you’re ready to start chatting, and you have your conversation starters, your witty one liners, and some flirty emojis, be sure to remember…
Being interested is just as important as being interesting
Being interesting is fine, but being interested is great. Show that you can have a two-way conversation by asking questions and actually engaging in the answers. Often people tend to talk over each other and not actually listen to the response being given (watch any episode of The Hills to understand what we’re on about). Show that you’re just as happy to listen, as free bbw dating are to talk.
Think before you send
How many times have you typed something out, good conversation topics online dating, pressed send and then thought ‘nooo!’, or worse, sent a message to someone it wasn’t meant for. People often say think before you speak, but rarely do they say think before you send, which is just as important.
Relax and be yourself
Finally, and most importantly, just be your true, fabulous, authentic self. It’s very easy to second guess what you’re writing and how you’re coming across but the stress of that will be alleviated if you’re presenting the real you.
OK, we also found these one liners that were too awesome to leave out
I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.
Your eyes are like Ikea…I get lost in them
I should call you Google, good conversation topics online dating, because you have everything I’m looking for
I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it.
What’s your name? Or can I call you “mine”?
And the last one, in case you’re looking how to broach the subject of becoming official…
Hey, this Halloween, good conversation topics online dating, how ’bout you and I being boyfriend and girlfriend?
And at the end of the day if you’ve given it your best shot and the recipient is not reciprocating, then you give it a cool ‘thank you, next!’ You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. The dating pool is big, enjoy your swim.
How to keep an online conversation going
Today, I’m delighted to say that our blog has been hijacked by the very cool dating expert, Claudia Cox. She is the author of ‘French Seduction Made Easy‘ and is passionate about sharing her expertise on communicating well in relationships especially via flirty texting. She runs the website textweapon.com where she makes the art of seduction look easy peasy. If you haven’t already, head over there and check it out. Over to Claudia for some savvy advice on how to keep that online chat going in the right direction.
Keeping an online conversation going
So you’ve passed the awkward “first contact” stage of online dating. You sent the first message, they replied – congratulations, everyone is onboard and ready to roll!
So, what now?
It can be hard to keep a conversation going with someone you don’t know YET, and who isn’t sitting across the table from you. You want to come off as fun, interesting and flirty, while also being considered serious, smart and trustworthy, right?
Aie, good conversation topics online dating, aie, aie… That’s quite a big task to accomplish using just a few messages to and fro! And you know what makes it even harder? Is that you don’t know what makes them tick yet – good conversation topics online dating even if it’s worth finding out…
If you find yourself stuck one message in, and you want some advice on how to spark up an interesting conversation that will tell you whether this person is worth getting offline for, read on.
1. Ask questions
Pretty much everyone loves talking about “numero uno” – so give your partner an opportunity to start gabbing away! Asking dating app based on personality, simple questions is a sure fire way to keep a conversation going online. The more they answer, the more fuel you’ve got for the conversation. Even better, you’ve just won some major points by flattering their ego (even if it’s just a little).
It’s also a good indicator for knowing if you have found a worthwhile match or not. “How so” you say? Well, if after asking them a mountain of questions, they still haven’t asked you the basics, you can be pretty darn sure they are self absorbed, and not the least bit interested in finding out what you’re all about. Time to move on, nothing to see here folks!
Keep it fun, it’s austin texas interracial dating a job interview – make your question a little quirky and different. This way you stand introduction title for dating site from the rest of the “fishies” and get a better reaction – and please, don’t ask something they’ve already answered on their profile.
2. Get your flirt on
Flirting is fun, but when you’re doing it online you need to be slower about it than normal. Because your partner can’t see you, or the signals you’re sending, flirting too early in an online exchange can be a huge turn-off. Don’t immediately start talking about adult toys or send her a “selfie” at the gym all pumped up post workout. Make sure that you add just a lick of sass to your pre-meet up messages.
Going back to the good old questions, instead of asking him or her something dull such as “what did you eat for lunch?” give your questions a hint of spice. Ask “Why are you a cat person when everyone knows that dog people make better lovers?” Or poke fun at their answers in a flirty way (“Oh, you’re a Star Wars fan? Bet you’ve got Darth Vader pillowcases J”).
Make sure you don’t go overboard. Nothing kills a conversation early on like pushing boundaries waaaay too far (like being outright mean or vulgar).
3. Be honest
When you’re messaging almost anonymously, it can be easy to exaggerate or outright lie to make yourself look better. Don’t do it! One, because it will get awkward if you ever do meet up, and two, it’s human (and often endearing) to have flaws – embrace them, and your partner will too.
If you’re not proud of your height, say, “I’m short, but what I lack in height, I make up for in over-confidence.”
Make your flaws into a joke that you can both laugh about – they’ll be more likely to share theirs, so you don’t get any special surprises when you end up meeting.
4, good conversation topics online dating. Know when to take it off (line)
Even if you’re enjoying the online messages, don’t push your luck, good conversation topics online dating. Know when to take your virtual relationship offline before it fizzles out. After all, dating is about meeting up face-to-face, hearing their voice, drinking in their smell and feeling their touch.
In my experience, it’s best to meet up earlier rather than later – like before you know everything about each other, and you still both have an air of mystery about you. After all, you want your first date to feel like a first date, not a 10th wedding anniversary, right?
Online conversation debrief:
Before jumping straight into it with the great advice you’ve just received, commit to memory the following “do’s and don’ts” of online conversation:
For the ladies:
Don’t be negative. Opening up with “I’m so sick of online dating…” makes you seem unenthusiastic… and also like you’ve been doing this for way too long.
Do be complimentary about his photo. Don’t make any jokes about it being photo shopped, the male ego is an extremely sensitive thing!
For the Gents:
Don’t go there. Seriously, men are the worst offenders here – don’t talk about the size of ANYTHING until you at least know what her favorite drink is (and have bought her a few)!
Do keep it light and fun. Don’t write dating sites for singles over 50 essays about yourself, which seem extremely interesting to you, but might not be all that easy to reply to, good conversation topics online dating. Stick with light, flirty topics that keep engagement levels high.
Well, there you go! 4 tips for keeping the online conversation going like a champ until you meet up in the flesh. Happy online dating!
7 messages to send on dating apps, if the convo is dragging, according to experts
There may come a moment, while messaging someone on a dating app, when the conversation starts to drag, good conversation topics online dating. This can happen once you’ve covered all the usual topics, like jobs and hobbies, and made a few jokes. Because even if you feel an initial spark, it can be tough to maintain a convo with someone you barely know, especially through a screen.
That’s why the best way to find out if you chemistry with someone is by hanging out with them in real life, as soon as the moment feels right. “It can be fun to flirt online, but the sooner you get to meeting someone good conversation topics online dating person, the sooner you’ll find out for real how a relationship may be between the two of you,” Dr. Carly Claney, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells HelloGiggles.
Once you meet up, good conversation topics online dating, you’ll get a better idea as good conversation topics online dating how the conversation flows, if you enjoy each other’s company, and so on.
But it’s always still possible for conversations to lose steam, both in person and online. Sometimes this is a sign the relationship just isn’t meant good conversation topics online dating be, good conversation topics online dating, and at that point it’s often best to move on. But if you seem to have things in common, and would like to find out more, you may want to put in a little extra effort in order to see where things go. Below are a few sample messages to throw out there on dating apps the next time there’s a lull in conversation, so you can continue getting to know each other.
What to say on dating apps when the conversation is dragging
1 “What fun things have you done recently?”
Instead of talking about the weather for the hundredth time, spice things up by asking about this person’s most recent moment of fun. Not only will this topic spark a lively conversation about hobbies and friends, it’s also a “great question to get a sense of how compatible someone may be with you and the possibility of your lives meshing,” Claney says. Who knows? You good conversation topics online dating connect over a shared love of road trips, hikes in the woods, or nights spent at home eating pizza. And it might even inspire a few date ideas, too.
2 “Tell me more about XYZ.”
If you sense a lull in the conversation, or haven’t received a new message in a few hours, you can always get the conversation rolling again by asking this simple question. “Reference something that you previously connected on,” Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and media personality says, “then pose a question to them that requires more than a yes/no response.”
For example, Hoffman says, if you share a love for a particular TV show, you could bring up the fact you read an article about the series, and then ask them what they thought about it. “That way you are engaging with them on a topic that you already know they care about,” she says, which will help you two reconnect.
3 “So, you were saying…”
When you think about it, chats on a dating messenger are almost designed to be boring, good conversation topics online dating. You say hi, they say hi, you ask how they are, they ask how you are—and before you know it, good conversation topics online dating, you’re both falling asleep. So the next time you catch yourselves stuck in this loop, try jumping to the middle of a convo, instead.
“With text you don’t have to follow the same communication rules as you would in person,” Hoffman says. “You can dive right into the real topic without it feeling awkward and you can pick up a previous thread a many as two or three days later.”
4 “I saw something that made me think of you!”
To revive a boring conversation, share something you saw that day that reminded you of them, Benjamin Daly, a dating coach and author, tells HelloGiggles. “Say something like, ‘Guess what, I saw a (thing they like) today, I knew you would have appreciated it,”’ he says, good conversation topics online dating. “This personal touch is a subtle indication that you’re interested. It can also gives a dying conversation the kick-starter it needs.”
It feels good to know someone is thinking about you, as they go through their day. It’ll also show you’ve been listening to what they’ve had to say, which is yet another great way to good conversation topics online dating up your connection. Did you spot a book they mentioned? Or try their favorite food in a restaurant? Let them know!
5 “What’s your opinion on…”
When in doubt, asking someone for their opinion is a great way to get them talking. “Everyone loves to give advice, especially in an area they know a lot about,” Daly says. So give their profile a scroll, and see what you can see.
“You can use their photo and bio to find clues,” he says. Or, you can refer back to things they’ve mentioned in your chat recently. Once you have a topic in mind say, “Oh, by the way, I wanted to get your opinion,” and then build the conversation from there.
This does go to show, however, how important a profile can be. “Conversations die so often because there’s so little to work with,” Daly says. “Like starting a fire, you need kindling.” He suggests making sure your profile has introduction message on dating site interesting factoids, good conversation topics online dating, too, so that your potential date can be inspired, good conversation topics online dating. “That way, the person viewing your profile has a choice of questions to ask,” he says, making it easier on both of you.
6 “Here’s my phone number.”
To give a conversation a fresh start, try moving it from the messenger on the dating app, to texts or phone calls. “Here’s a simple way to blow past the awkward lull in the conversation and blame it on the app itself rather than a lack of compatibility,” Carmel Jones, a sex coach and relationship writer, tells HelloGiggles.
By giving them your number, it shows them you’re ready to include them in your “real” life, and maybe even start setting up a date. And, in this digital world of ours, moving from an app to texting is almost like changing up the scenery, Jones says. It can transform the nature of the conversation from something clinical and boring, to one that’s a lot more personal.
7 “What’s your favorite thing to do over the weekend?”
When sending messages, it’s best to avoid asking “yes or no” questions, since these rarely lead to interesting conversations. Instead, they usually lead to a dead-end, which is the last thing you need.
“When it comes to keeping any conversation alive, this is kind of the golden rule,” Jones says. “Asking questions that require more than a yes/no response gives conversations momentum.” So craft one that fits into what’s already been said, and go from there.
“For example,” Jones says, “you can say, ‘From your photos, you seem like someone who enjoys relaxing on the weekends, but I could be wrong. What’s your favorite way to spend the weekend?’ It gives the person a chance to talk about something enjoyable (such as a weekend), express their opinion, and hopefully ask you the same thing in return.”
Just like that, a dying conversation can transform into one that feels fun, and helps you get to know each other better. And hopefully, from there, into an equally amazing first date.
Here's What to Talk About on a First Date
Few occasions can be as exhilarating or nerve-wrecking as a first date. There's the question of what you'll wear (we recommend something you already feel confident in), what you'll do, and of course, what you'll actually talk about—besides your professions. Whether you're getting back out there after divorce or breakup, or you're just interested in meeting new people, these first date conversation starters and tips will help prevent the date from drying up before you've ordered an appetizer.
Experts agree, one of the greatest ways to decrease anxiety linked to first dates is entering the meeting with a plan. No, you don’t need talking points on index cards or a script you’ve rehearsed, but a solid strategy to increase the chances of chemistry can’t hurt. Who knows, follow these suggestions and it just might be your last first date (wink).
Start by trying to make a connection.
"Though you and your date may already overlap in areas like education or religion, it’s vital to build rapport on other topics good conversation topics online dating says relationship expert and sociologist Dr. Jess Carbino. “Try to draw parallels between their experiences and interests and your own,” adds Carbino, who has lead research for Bumble and Tinder.
Build on what you already know.
Expand upon what you've learned from the initial source of connection to propel the dialogue. For example, if you matched online, refer to something in their dating profile and ask them a question about the topic, says Carbino. If a mutual friend set you up, unpack how each of you knows them. And so on.
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State the obvious.
If you’re not sure how to jump into a conversation, comment about something good conversation topics online dating your environment. For starters, you could ask them if they've ever been to the coffee shop, park or wherever they proposed to meet, before, or if they spend significant time good conversation topics online dating that neighborhood, says Carbino. “You could then quickly segue into a broader conversation about the city, food, travel, or another topic, good conversation topics online dating, based upon the cues you pick up initially,” she adds.
Don't ask them what they do for a living.
“A first date is all about showing interest,” says Dr. Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and author ofWhat About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. Instead of asking the typical 'What do you do?,' frame the query in an open-ended way. Greer suggests trying the good conversation topics online dating 'How did you decide to go into this line of work? When did you know this was what you wanted to do?' Another way to approach this topic: 'Is there anyone who inspired you to pursue your career or stick it out, good conversation topics online dating, though you may have faced challenges? If so, what’s the story there?'”
Getting your date to elaborate will reveal more about their personality pics of women from dating sites interests. “In this example, you’re looking for more information about their background and line of thinking, rather than just a description of their job,” says Greer.
Pay attention to how they respond to you.
To determine if your person of interest is relational or self-centered, note if they inquire about you at all, recommends Dr. Henry Cloud, psychologist, speaker and author. “When you answer, do they immediately turn it into talking about themselves, or can they stay on you for any time at all,” he says. Granted, there could also be nerves involved (often, it's easier to ramble) but this is something still worthy of cueing into.
It’s also important to listen to their actual answers; a person’s responses can often show their true selves. For example, if you ask how long they’ve been on a dating site and what their experience has been, are they saying belittling things like "There are so many idiots out there.” Or, are they more level-headed, with responses such as “I've met some nice people, and had some good experiences.and of course, some that weren't.” Cloud says focusing on good conversation topics online dating patterns like this is an essential tip to gauge character.
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Furthermore, take note of how much they tend to blame everyone or everything else (ex’s, former employers, good conversation topics online dating, family members, etc.) for personal setbacks. Cloud, co-author of Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationship, suggests too much of doing so is a warning sign that they'll ultimately start to blame you for their issues.
Ask them about their talents.
Ask: What are dating immature girl really good at? What do you do to keep growing in…[insert area you're discussing]? “Listen for aspects of the conversation that lets you see how much responsibility they take for life,” proposes Cloud, good conversation topics online dating. “Do they see themselves as someone who's creating their own life or waiting for it to just show up?”
Learn about their family and friends.
Begin with a simply phrased “Tell me about your family.” See what you learn. Even if it’s a negative story, Cloud says, you can respond with “Wow, that sounds hard. How did you deal with that or overcome it?”
Additionally, inquire about their friends. Tune in for the existence of close and long-term friends. “If all of their ‘close’ dating apps for fat women are new, that usually is not a good sign,” cautions Cloud. That is, unless they just moved, because, hey meeting friends as an adult can be tough. And, naturally, if they went through a divorce, that also lends itself to complications.
Unpack their idea of a "good life."
We all have a concept of what good conversation topics online dating ideal life would be. For you, maybe it’s owning a home, having a healthy family, getting out of debt or winning the next season of Big Brother. What is it for the person eating chips and dip across from you?
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According to Cloud, one way to dig into this can be asking: “So, if we were sitting here two years from now, what would have happened in your life for you to say 'things are really good?’ And here’s an important question for you at this point: Do the things that are going to make them happy resonate with you?
A person’s values are often the root of many of their choices. Free and new usa dating site suggests tapping into your date’s philosophical worldview to learn more. Do they have a spiritual or moral center? A True North? Is it compatible with yours? On generosity of finances or time: Do they serve anywhere or give themselves to the less fortunate or a cause good conversation topics online dating matters to them?
Ask where they're from.
You can learn a lot about a person based on where or how they grew up. Make sure to ask them where they're from. This opens a door for a conversation about shared or different cultures and exchanging deeper aspects of your upbringings. Whether you grew up in different environments or share the same cultural heritage, talking about this can reveal new insights about one another and you may actually have more in common than you think.
Discuss favorite things.
Another go-to conversation starter is discussing your favorite things. This can range from favorite music genres, artists, tv shows, books, hobbies, and more. The possibilities are endless for this as you can touch on many diverse topics. In fact, Fredericks also recommends questions like: What food is your guilty pleasure? Which movie could you watch over and over again?
Bring up travel.
Some people have had an underlying passion to travel the world in the back of their head their entire life, and others prefer to stay near family and friends and build their forever-home there. Whichever it may be, find out your date’s preference. This question can also help you determine compatibility. If you’re both interested in traveling, you can see if they prefer an outdoors adventure or a city visit instead.
Find out their most memorable experience.
One bonus question you can always ask as an icebreaker: What’s the most amazing adventure they've been on or the most amazing experience they remember? This is a seemingly simple and random question, but hearing your date explain something that meant so much to them or brought them so much joy allows you to meet another side of them. Inurl:blog leave a comment + free dating sites also can always lead to unexpected but interesting conversations.
Address dealbreakers.
We're not talking about surface-level dealbreakers like a preference for brunettes. But some things are just not negotiable, like, wanting to have kids or needing to live in a particular region. “If you’re super religious and you know that's important to you, good conversation topics online dating, for instance, ask about that,” says Kevin Fredricks who co-hosts The Love Hour podcast with his wife. “Anything you know that’s a nonstarter for you should be brought up catholic dating websites free he adds. Of course, you can coax into it throughout the conversation so you're not hitting them with these big life questions right away, but better bbw dating site reviews know sooner than later.
Be a good journalist.
An inherent trait of any effective reporter is inquisitiveness. Though your date isn’t an interview, you are trying to learn parts of who this person is and their story. Do so by asking questions they’ve likely seldom or never answered, good conversation topics online dating Fredericks, like: What’s your fondest memory of elementary school? If webhosting for dating sites could get away with a crime, what would you do? What’s on your bucket list? “This will make you seem interesting,” he adds. Of course, try to ease these in naturally or else you'll sound like you just read. this article.
“Really show your curiosity and encourage them to tell you more. This will not only make for an engaging and fun first date, but it will also help you discover if you have common interests or life goals to help you decide if you’d like to see the person again,” says Greer.
Remember, good conversation topics online dating, you can always leave.
Don’t forget to check in on yourself as well. Do you like being there? Is this person amusing? “Life should be fun, especially dating,” says Cloud. Your time (and theirs) is valuable. Sometimes there’s just no spark, even after warming up to each other during a drink or meal. If this is the case, free up your future by saying something like: “It was so great to meet you. I really appreciate you taking the time to come out with me. I have another engagement (Hey Netflix and leftovers). Let’s get the check,” coaches Carbino. The date doesn’t have to drag on over any self-imposed sense of obligation. The only thing you owe your date is respect and there’s always a way to exit a situation gracefully.
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50 First Date Conversation Starters
IF THERE’S ONE thing that can ruin a first date and ensure a woman’s first impression of you is a bad one, it’s crappy conversation. You need ice breakers, light-hearted queries, questions that provoke banter, laughter, and thought, as well as questions that dig a bit deeper and go beyond the superficial. To save you from endless awkward silences, we’ve compiled 50 first date conversation starters that good conversation topics online dating all of these things. Plus, they’re backed by professionals who know what they’re talking about.
Meet the experts: Sarah Jones is a relationship expert, and founder and CEO of coaching website Introverted Alpha, and Sameera Sullivan is the CEO of Lasting Connections, an elite matchmaking service. Read on. Your future dates depend on it.
1. If you could hop on a plane right now, where would you go?
Who doesn’t love to travel? Hermits, that’s who. If she hates planes, road trips, or has no desire to leave her hometown ever, that’s a good indicator of her ambitions and desires (or lackthereof). Otherwise, this question will excite her and you’ll learn what’s most appealing to her, Jones says, good conversation topics online dating. It promotes a good back-and-forth between the two of you.
2. What’s something I wouldn’t guess online dating toronto you?
“This is a great ice-breaker because it’s a little mischievous and flirtatious,” Jones says. “It’s a sign you’d like to know her beyond surface level, while still giving her the freedom to reveal what she wants to share—and doesn’t.”
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3. What are you most passionate about?
This question lets you get a sense of what she feels strongly about and whether she’s spirited and heartfelt. It’s also the perfect way to gauge whether her level of passion is compatible with yours, Jones says.
4. What’s your dream job?
“This is a great query because a dream job merges meaning, passion, and lifestyle,” Jones explains. Better yet, her reason will be incredibly telling. Is it the money, the impact, the enjoyment? Each of these explanations reveals something about her character.
5, good conversation topics online dating. What sort of things make you laugh out loud?
If things get a bit awkward or serious, divert to a more carefree topic. Everyone loves to laugh, and talking about the things that make you both fall into a fit—cheesy pickup lines, dad jokes, a particular YouTube flick—gets the conversation flowing… and both of you laughing. Lots of laughter on a first date is a great sign, Jones says.
6. If work was no longer an option and you had plenty of money, what would you do all day?
This conversation starter can bring a light, playful, untethered feeling into your mix of questions, Jones says. “It’s also fascinating to hear anyone’s answer,” she adds. If she’d watch every television series ever created, and you’re an active guy who can’t stand to be indoors, well, that shows you might not be super compatible.
7. What do you like most about living here?
This question rocks whether you’re new to a city or you’ve lived there for years. “You get to talk about local places she likes, see what you have in common, bond over the people, culture, and why you moved to the area in the first place,” Jones says. Better yet: “Many second date ideas can be born from this question.”
8. What’s been the most significant or best year of your life so far?
If you want the conversation to become a bit reflective, thoughtful, and meaningful, this is a great fall-back. “Not only do you get to hear about her life story, but the snippet that’s most meaningful and important to her,” Jones explains.
9. What’s one thing you did as a kid that you miss most today?
She’ll get a little reminiscent with this conversation starter. It’s playful. And who knows, maybe you went to the same camp or vacation spot each good conversation topics online dating. “It’s fun to see what you might have had in common as kids,” Jones says.
10. Who do you talk to the most?
You’ll learn about the people closest to her in life. Good: You can see if she has a tight bond with her parents or siblings. Bad: You can see if she’s still hung up on an ex. “The five people we’re around the most, shape us the most; her relationship to any one of her closest friends and family members tell you a lot about her,” Jones says
11. How did you spend your day?
Waiting to be seated at your table or for your waiter to arrive? Break the ice with a simple, straight-forward question like this. “You get a glimpse into her day, her job responsibilities, how she deals with stress, good conversation topics online dating, her energy level, tone, and how she spends her time,” Jones says. Those small details and what she chooses to focus on—whether good conversation topics online dating or bad—clue you in on her personality big time.
12. Would you go on a cross-country road trip?
This may seem a bit odd and specific, but how she likes to travel is sometimes even more telling than where she likes to travel. Does she only stay in five-star resorts? Is she into sustainable locales? Is she a bargain traveler? Is she up for camping and RVing? All these alternatives offer “insight into her lifestyle, taste, and knowledge about other cultures.” Sullivan says.
13. In a new city, what attraction do you have to visit first?
Some say you never truly know someone until you travel with them. Odds are you won’t be traveling on a first date, but this question (paired with the above) can offer a ton of clues about her persona. “This opens the door for conversation relating to history, religious perspectives, art, and culture,” Sullivan says. If she’s crazy about museums and monuments, good conversation topics online dating, you can infer she’s a history buff—or better yet, ask her if she’s a history buff. Let one question lead to another.
14. What are 5 things you want to accomplish before you die?
You’ll get major insight on her goals and priorities in life. You can gauge whether she’s philanthropic, an outdoor buff with a killer bucket list, and everything in between.
15. What is your favorite dish to cook?
“Learn about her culinary skills, what food she likes, if she’s into healthy cooking, and has any favorite restaurants, Sullivan says. Food is always a safe topic of conversation—and an endless one, too.
16. What are your favorite sports?
“If sports are big in your life, this will take you into a ton of subtopics,” Sullivan says. Ask what sports she’s interested in, what teams she roots for, and if she played sports in college. Depending on her answer, you can see whether you’re up for some healthy competition or standing behind the same teams. And if she doesn’t care, then you can decide whether it’s a slight turn off or a deal breaker.
17, good conversation topics online dating. What are some of your favorite TV shows?
Her interests are reflected in what she likes to watch on a daily basis. Does she only watch educational shows? Is she all about news or talk shows? Is she an absolute reality show junkie? You’ll also find out how much time she spends on the couch.
18. What did you do last weekend?
If you’re going to be compatible with a woman, you need to have common habits and hobbies. Ask her how she spends her free time! From this, you get a sense of whether she enjoys relaxing or letting loose when she’s away from work.
19. What kind of books do you like to read?
Is she on the road to self-improvement and solely reads to better herself and her career, or does she read for pleasure? Get into a conversation about what inspires her. “This is a good way to know what her intellectual interests and passions are,” Sullivan says.
20. Who has been the most influential person in your life?
“Instead of asking how close she is with her family, ask: ‘Who’s the most influential person in your life?'” Sullivan says. “This will tell you more about her family dynamics and close relationships she has with friends.”
21. Do you still keep in touch with childhood friends?
Unless she moved around a lot as a kid (this should spark questions, good conversation topics online dating, too), asking whether she still talks to friends from childhood will reveal how she values relationships and loyalty.
22. If you were stranded on an island and could take three things with you, what would they be?
Catching her off guard is a good thing so long as your intentions are innocent and playful. Despite the quirkiness of this question, you’ll find out what’s most valuable to her and the significance of those items.
23. What’s your favorite animal?
Light-hearted questions like this one can stir up memories from her childhood. It’ll also let person in custody over campus dating violence know if she’s a pet lover. It may seem silly, but if she hates dogs and your Husky is part of the family, or she’s got two cats and you’re allergic, things might not work out.
24. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
Is she a thrill-seeker or a free spirit? You’ll find out if she’s been running with bulls or scaled a mountain. “This is a great question to see how flexible she is,” Sullivan explains. You can see if your personalities and interests jive, good conversation topics online dating, too.
25. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Ask about the little things that drive her nuts. “Obviously you’ll get an insight on her temperament,” Sullivan says. But you’ll also be able to reign in any bad habits that might prevent you from nabbing a second date.
26. What’s your all-time favorite movie?
“Her answer will reveal whether she has a dark, goofy, nerdy, romantic, sappy, or quirky side,” Sullivan says. Plus, you won’t be blind-sided if you make a movie date and you’re stuck sitting through a rom-com.
27. How do you like to spend your mornings?
It might seem super particular, but her morning routine is hugely revealing. Does she wake up, get ready, and rush to work with minutes to spare? Does she wake up, lounge around, read a newspaper, then get ready for work? Or does she meditate, go for a six-mile run, shower, good conversation topics online dating, and make a gourmet breakfast before heading out the door? These scenarios are snapshots of three incredibly different people and personality types.
28. How good conversation topics online dating you like to spend your nights?
Like the previous question, this one clues you in on how she spends most of her time and whether you’ll enjoy the same activities. You may love going out to bars and clubs for karaoke on a Saturday night while she’d rather binge-watch the latest Netflix series. You’ll see early on whether you’ll clash.
29. What are your quirks?
Maybe she leaves the TV on when she sleeps or likes to eat ice cream with a fork. This gives you a chance to see if she has any quirks that are endearing… or a turn off.
30. What’s you all-time favorite song/artist/band/genre?
“Asking about her favorite song, band, or artist of course tells you about her taste in music,” Sullivan says. But you can branch off and find out what her first concert was, who she’s dying to go see, and if good conversation topics online dating cards work in your favor, these bits of information can turn into a phenomenal future date or surprise.
31. What are you most afraid of?
This question can go the trivial or serious route. Try both. See what childhood fear she still has: Maybe she’s terrified of spiders, darkness, and basements. And ask what she’s most afraid of in life: Is she afraid of failing in her job, never getting the opportunity to travel, mending a particular relationship? You’ll see a vulnerable side of her without being too forward.
32. Tell me about your family.
Yes, good conversation topics online dating, this is a popular first-date question, but for good reason. Go ahead and ask the basic questions about how many siblings she has and how big her extended family is and let the answers lead to deeper, more meaningful ones. It shows you care and are invested in learning who she is from her roots and where she came from.
33. Who’s your best friend?
This may or may not be the same person she spends the most time with, but both people are obviously key to who she is. If her best friend is someone she grew up with or someone she’s close with because of a particular incidence (good or bad), ask her about it. This is someone she cherishes in life, so it’s a sweet gesture to show a genuine interest in that person, too.
34. Are there misconceptions about yourself you wish people wouldn’t make?
This is a ballsy question, so sex before relationship dating your discretion. In the right context, though, it can let her clear the air or dispel any frustrating assumptions people make about her. Let her take this question where she wants, good conversation topics online dating, and don’t be too pushy.
35. If you were to patent an idea or thing, what would it be?
This question gives you major brownie points for being clever. You can see how her brain works and how clever she is, too!
36. What do you wish you were better at?
Ask her what skills she wants to acquire or hone in her career and life in general. If she’s ambitious, that can be a major turn good conversation topics online dating. It’ll also show you she’s humble and doesn’t hold herself too high if she points out some areas she wants to improve.
37. What’s been your biggest regret in life?
Like some of the other questions on this list, feel out the conversation and only ask this one if the moment feels right as it could make her feel uncomfortable. Try to slip it in to conversation if she mentions a career path she could have gone down or a trip of a lifetime she never took. Just tread lightly.
38. What would you be doing if you weren’t in your current job?
This is a twist on the “dream career” question, but will result in an answer like “lawyer” rather than “movie star.” What she went to school for may not be the field she’s in now. Likewise, what she studied in school may not be her dream career anymore. This is a fun way to pick her brain and get her talking about what her interests and passions are.
39. What did you want to be growing up?
You can use this question as a preface or follow up to No. 38, good conversation topics online dating. Both of you get the floor to speak about your childhood. You’ll have endless stories… chock-full of embarrassing confessions and lofty dreams.
40. What was your yearbook quote?
High school is a time of awkward stages and thinking you’re funny when you’re really not. Ask her what her yearbook quote was. If she didn’t have one, ask what it would have been, or what she would make it now?
41. What’s the worst pickup line you’ve ever heard/dished out?
The experts agree: There’s nothing wrong with getting a little flirtacious on a first date. Ask her for some of the worst pickup lines she’s heard. You’ll get some laughs and can try some cheesy ones out on one another, good conversation topics online dating. A little banter is a good sign that your humor is in sync.
42. What’s the last event you bought a ticket for?
If she’s going to dish out $100+ on tickets for a Broadway show, sporting event, or concert, it shows it’s important to her and something she thoroughly enjoys doing. It’s a roundabout way of seeing what her interests are in detail good conversation topics online dating straight out asking.
43. What’s your favorite childhood memory?
You want positive vibes only on a date. By posing this question, you get her thinking about some of the best times in her life. You’ll also get a peek into family traditions and dynamics.
44. Are you closer to one of your siblings?*
You’ll find out how close or far in age she is with her siblings, how many brothers and sisters she has, and how they good conversation topics online dating with one another, good conversation topics online dating. If you’re big on family, this question matures dating free a must.
*Of course, this only applies if you’ve already asked about her family and she does, in fact, have more than one sibling!
45. Did you have any nicknames growing up? Now?
You’ll get her laughing with this one. Sure, it might be a little embarrassing, good conversation topics online dating, but the stories behind the nickname will make for perfect, good conversation topics online dating, light-hearted conversation.
46. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s good conversation topics online dating happened t
Share a funny story at your own expense first. It’ll show her you have a sense of humor and can laugh at yourself. Then, she’ll be more inclined to do the same.
47. Do you have any hidden talents?
Maybe she’s a classically trained pianist or was a champion cup stacker in her youth. When you ask the right questions—even ones as good conversation topics online dating as this—it can unveil a goldmine of information.
48. What talent do you wish you had?
See what talents she admires. If she’s always yearning to good conversation topics online dating something new, it shows she’s inquisitive. It can also open the idea of trying something new together—like cooking—on a second date.
49. Where can you see yourself living?
This question is more revealing than you’d think. If she has plans to move to Toronto next year, she might not be in a place in her life where a long-term relationship is feasible. Likewise, if you’re deadset on living in a city, whereas she’s dying to live on a farm, there are going to be conflicting desires that can gay free dating site disaster for a relationship.
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50, good conversation topics online dating. What’s your favorite way to get active?
If you’re on this website, fitness and health are obviosuly important to you. Instead of asking her if she works out, see what her favorite physical activities are instead.
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Good conversation topics online dating - all not
Here's What to Talk About on a First Date
Few occasions can be as exhilarating or nerve-wrecking as a first date. There's the question of what you'll wear (we recommend something you already feel confident in), what you'll do, and of course, what you'll actually talk about—besides your professions. Whether you're getting back out there after divorce or breakup, or you're just interested in meeting new people, these first date conversation starters and tips will help prevent the date from drying up before you've ordered an appetizer.
Experts agree, one of the greatest ways to decrease anxiety linked to first dates is entering the meeting with a plan. No, you don’t need talking points on index cards or a script you’ve rehearsed, but a solid strategy to increase the chances of chemistry can’t hurt. Who knows, follow these suggestions and it just might be your last first date (wink).
Start by trying to make a connection.
"Though you and your date may already overlap in areas like education or religion, it’s vital to build rapport on other topics too," says relationship expert and sociologist Dr. Jess Carbino. “Try to draw parallels between their experiences and interests and your own,” adds Carbino, who has lead research for Bumble and Tinder.
Build on what you already know.
Expand upon what you've learned from the initial source of connection to propel the dialogue. For example, if you matched online, refer to something in their dating profile and ask them a question about the topic, says Carbino. If a mutual friend set you up, unpack how each of you knows them. And so on.
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State the obvious.
If you’re not sure how to jump into a conversation, comment about something in your environment. For starters, you could ask them if they've ever been to the coffee shop, park or wherever they proposed to meet, before, or if they spend significant time in that neighborhood, says Carbino. “You could then quickly segue into a broader conversation about the city, food, travel, or another topic, based upon the cues you pick up initially,” she adds.
Don't ask them what they do for a living.
“A first date is all about showing interest,” says Dr. Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and author ofWhat About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. Instead of asking the typical 'What do you do?,' frame the query in an open-ended way. Greer suggests trying the following: 'How did you decide to go into this line of work? When did you know this was what you wanted to do?' Another way to approach this topic: 'Is there anyone who inspired you to pursue your career or stick it out, though you may have faced challenges? If so, what’s the story there?'”
Getting your date to elaborate will reveal more about their personality and interests. “In this example, you’re looking for more information about their background and line of thinking, rather than just a description of their job,” says Greer.
Pay attention to how they respond to you.
To determine if your person of interest is relational or self-centered, note if they inquire about you at all, recommends Dr. Henry Cloud, psychologist, speaker and author. “When you answer, do they immediately turn it into talking about themselves, or can they stay on you for any time at all,” he says. Granted, there could also be nerves involved (often, it's easier to ramble) but this is something still worthy of cueing into.
It’s also important to listen to their actual answers; a person’s responses can often show their true selves. For example, if you ask how long they’ve been on a dating site and what their experience has been, are they saying belittling things like "There are so many idiots out there.” Or, are they more level-headed, with responses such as “I've met some nice people, and had some good experiences...and of course, some that weren't.” Cloud says focusing on conversation patterns like this is an essential tip to gauge character.
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Furthermore, take note of how much they tend to blame everyone or everything else (ex’s, former employers, family members, etc.) for personal setbacks. Cloud, co-author of Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationship, suggests too much of doing so is a warning sign that they'll ultimately start to blame you for their issues.
Ask them about their talents.
Ask: What are you really good at? What do you do to keep growing in…[insert area you're discussing]? “Listen for aspects of the conversation that lets you see how much responsibility they take for life,” proposes Cloud. “Do they see themselves as someone who's creating their own life or waiting for it to just show up?”
Learn about their family and friends.
Begin with a simply phrased “Tell me about your family.” See what you learn. Even if it’s a negative story, Cloud says, you can respond with “Wow, that sounds hard. How did you deal with that or overcome it?”
Additionally, inquire about their friends. Tune in for the existence of close and long-term friends. “If all of their ‘close’ friends are new, that usually is not a good sign,” cautions Cloud. That is, unless they just moved, because, hey meeting friends as an adult can be tough. And, naturally, if they went through a divorce, that also lends itself to complications.
Unpack their idea of a "good life."
We all have a concept of what our ideal life would be. For you, maybe it’s owning a home, having a healthy family, getting out of debt or winning the next season of Big Brother. What is it for the person eating chips and dip across from you?
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According to Cloud, one way to dig into this can be asking: “So, if we were sitting here two years from now, what would have happened in your life for you to say 'things are really good?’ And here’s an important question for you at this point: Do the things that are going to make them happy resonate with you?
A person’s values are often the root of many of their choices. Cloud suggests tapping into your date’s philosophical worldview to learn more. Do they have a spiritual or moral center? A True North? Is it compatible with yours? On generosity of finances or time: Do they serve anywhere or give themselves to the less fortunate or a cause that matters to them?
Ask where they're from.
You can learn a lot about a person based on where or how they grew up. Make sure to ask them where they're from. This opens a door for a conversation about shared or different cultures and exchanging deeper aspects of your upbringings. Whether you grew up in different environments or share the same cultural heritage, talking about this can reveal new insights about one another and you may actually have more in common than you think.
Discuss favorite things.
Another go-to conversation starter is discussing your favorite things. This can range from favorite music genres, artists, tv shows, books, hobbies, and more. The possibilities are endless for this as you can touch on many diverse topics. In fact, Fredericks also recommends questions like: What food is your guilty pleasure? Which movie could you watch over and over again?
Bring up travel.
Some people have had an underlying passion to travel the world in the back of their head their entire life, and others prefer to stay near family and friends and build their forever-home there. Whichever it may be, find out your date’s preference. This question can also help you determine compatibility. If you’re both interested in traveling, you can see if they prefer an outdoors adventure or a city visit instead.
Find out their most memorable experience.
One bonus question you can always ask as an icebreaker: What’s the most amazing adventure they've been on or the most amazing experience they remember? This is a seemingly simple and random question, but hearing your date explain something that meant so much to them or brought them so much joy allows you to meet another side of them. It also can always lead to unexpected but interesting conversations.
Address dealbreakers.
We're not talking about surface-level dealbreakers like a preference for brunettes. But some things are just not negotiable, like, wanting to have kids or needing to live in a particular region. “If you’re super religious and you know that's important to you, for instance, ask about that,” says Kevin Fredricks who co-hosts The Love Hour podcast with his wife. “Anything you know that’s a nonstarter for you should be brought up early," he adds. Of course, you can coax into it throughout the conversation so you're not hitting them with these big life questions right away, but better to know sooner than later.
Be a good journalist.
An inherent trait of any effective reporter is inquisitiveness. Though your date isn’t an interview, you are trying to learn parts of who this person is and their story. Do so by asking questions they’ve likely seldom or never answered, says Fredericks, like: What’s your fondest memory of elementary school? If you could get away with a crime, what would you do? What’s on your bucket list? “This will make you seem interesting,” he adds. Of course, try to ease these in naturally or else you'll sound like you just read... this article.
“Really show your curiosity and encourage them to tell you more. This will not only make for an engaging and fun first date, but it will also help you discover if you have common interests or life goals to help you decide if you’d like to see the person again,” says Greer.
Remember, you can always leave.
Don’t forget to check in on yourself as well. Do you like being there? Is this person amusing? “Life should be fun, especially dating,” says Cloud. Your time (and theirs) is valuable. Sometimes there’s just no spark, even after warming up to each other during a drink or meal. If this is the case, free up your future by saying something like: “It was so great to meet you. I really appreciate you taking the time to come out with me. I have another engagement (Hey Netflix and leftovers). Let’s get the check,” coaches Carbino. The date doesn’t have to drag on over any self-imposed sense of obligation. The only thing you owe your date is respect and there’s always a way to exit a situation gracefully.
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Who here likes to be left on read? Anyone? Nope, didn't think so. Unanswered messages—whether it's a text convo with your crush, a group chat that none of your friends responds to, or a hopeful conversation starter on Tinder—are just one more way living in this digital age can make you feel all-caps crappy.
But unlike those first two examples, when it comes to dating-app conversation starters and Tinder openers, there's some art involved—and it's incredibly important.
Of course, first impressions are critical in any context, but especially when there's a potential relationship on the line, says Jess Carbino, PhD, a former sociologist for Tinder and Bumble. That's because humans have a natural desire to "thin slice"—as in, digest small amounts of information (like, what's in your bio) to determine bigger decisions (read: whether this person is worth a date...or more).
And how you perceive someone in the first 30 seconds or three minutes of interaction is as lasting an impression as how you'd feel about them after three whole hours with them, Carbino says. Which basically means that that opening message is kinda make-it-or-break-it (sorry, I don't make the rules).
"How you perceive someone in the first 30 seconds or three minutes of interaction is as lasting an impression as how you'd feel after three whole hours with them."
To make that intro count, all you have to do is be a little thoughtful and creative in your Tinder opener, but you don't need to rely on cheesy pick-up lines (please don't!). The easiest (and most duh) solution for finding love on an online dating site: "Use what their profile gave you," Adam Lo Dolce, relationship coach and founder of SexyConfidence.com says.
Not sure exactly how? I rounded up the best tips—and real Tinder conversation starters (that can be used just as expertly on Bumble, or Hinge, or Coffee Meets Bagel, or Facebook Dating or...insert dating app here)—to make at least one part of life a little easier on ya. But one caveat? If you end up engaged, I want an invite to the wedding.
First, keep your Tinder opening message short.
"A lot of people overly invest their time and energy into sending a message and custom-tailoring it. But at the end of the day, it’s truly a numbers game online," Lo Dolce says, noting that you should keep in mind that the person you're reaching out to could be getting lots of messages (especially on Bumble, where the woman has to initiate).
That's why he recommends keeping your message short and sweet—no one wants to respond to a paragraph. But make it playful and slightly personal:
- "Howdy! You seem..."
- "I find it fascinatingly wild that you..."
- "You look fun—how's your week going?"
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Know that it’s okay to tease them a bit.
There are plenty of people on Tinder sending "Hey" and "Hi" messages, which is why yours could be easily overlooked. That why Lo Dolce encourages his clients to make their first message stand out. "Teasing someone is a great way to differentiate yourself," Lo Dolce says. Those of you who are naturally sarcastic might have to be careful with this one. The teases should still express interest and come off as playful and flirty—not judgmental.
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- "You mentioned you love The Killers (or insert band/musician here). A bit old school, but I still dig it. :)"
- "You said you hated ice cream? I need details."
- "Be honest. Is that dog really yours or just for props?"
- "Umm, you don't like The Avengers? Let's talk!"
Dating apps are just one part of the modern-romance landscape. How to navigate the rest:
Ask about where they’re from.
“When engaging with someone for the first time, it’s important to signal you're interested in them," Carbino says. (As in, actually interested, not just trying to fill a void of having someone to text.) This means learning more about where they're from and what makes them...well, them.
"The safest question to ask is, 'Where are you from originally?' because everyone is from somewhere,” Carbino says. Other location-based conversation starters include:
- "How long have you lived in...?"
- "What's your hands-down favorite restaurant here?"
- "Wow, a true Texas native. Are you a football fanatic?"
- "Ever been to the Grand Canyon? It's on my bucket list!"
- "I noticed you have pics in Rome. I went there last spring. Are you Italian?"
Feel free to throw in a compliment.
"It's okay to compliment someone if they're doing something really cool in their profile," Lo Dolce says. But he usually encourages his clients to stick to general compliments rather than physical ones (for obvious reasons). General compliments also leave room for more of an open conversation. Try something like:
- "I can't believe you cooked that Friendsgiving dinner in your picture. You must be a great cook."
- "Whoa, you went skiing in Switzerland?! You must be quite the athlete."
Take advantage of in-app features for a good conversation starter.
Many people forget that the app has its own features that make it easier for people to connect. Garbino recommends checking out a match's embedded Spotify playlist or latest Instagram post. And no, it's not creepy to do! "People spend a lot of time thinking, What do I say about myself? and they're putting it out there publicly," Carbino says. So don't be silly—use it.
- "I saw your Spotify playlist. I'm a big Springsteen fan, too. Ever seen him live?"
- "OMG, I saw your Six Flags post on Instagram. What's your favorite rollercoaster?"
Ask about their hobbies and interests.
This is a pretty simple one, but it's the Tinder conversation gold. Most people will post photos of themselves doing something they love or write about their interests in the main bio. “People want someone who signals investment to them,” Carbino adds. And both experts agree that being interested in someone hobbies is a great way to do that (especially if you're lucky enough to have a few in common). Related: 50 Questions To Ask Your Crush If You Wanna Get To Know Them Better.
Pro tip: Go for open-ended questions that invite more than a yes-or-no answer, or ones that make someone want to talk about themselves (which, btw, unless they're not interested in you at all, they do). A few good ones:
- "So, you're a skier, eh? I just got back from Breckenridge. Where's your next trip?"
- "I see you're a D.C. sports fan...how crazy was the city after the World Series win?"
- "You ran the Chicago Marathon?! How hard was that?!"
- "So you're Food Network–obsessed, too. How 'bout a cook-off?"
- "A drummer! Is that a side gig or just a cool hobby?"
- "I see you went backpacking in Peru last summer? How was it?"
When in doubt, stick to the basics.
If someone has a dreadfully bare profile, you're feeling particularly nervous, or you're just drawing up a blank on the right conversation starter, relax. Take the pressure off yourself and go with an easy Q that can actually tell you quite a bit about a person, based on their cultural interests.
- "What’s your favorite film genre and film?"
- “What's the last book you read?"
- "Where is the last place you traveled to?"
Don’t forget to avoid some common Tinder mistakes.
Most dating experts agree that you don't need to get into super deep issues on the first date, let alone the first Tinder message. Remember: You're still feeling out if you have chemistry, so there are some bridges you can cross a little later. Keep the conversation light and fun, but also avoid anything that could come across as creepy (see: body compliments).
The bottom line: Your first Tinder message should convey that you read the person's profile and are interested in learning more about them. Keep the conversation light and brief! Worst-case scenario, they don't respond—and you can label them a boring bot whom you don't want to talk to. Onward!
Alexis JonesAssistant EditorAlexis Jones is an assistant editor at Women's Health where she writes across several verticals on WomensHealthmag.com, including life, health, sex and love, relationships and fitness, while also contributing to the print magazine.
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How to keep an online conversation going
Today, I’m delighted to say that our blog has been hijacked by the very cool dating expert, Claudia Cox. She is the author of ‘French Seduction Made Easy‘ and is passionate about sharing her expertise on communicating well in relationships especially via flirty texting. She runs the website textweapon.com where she makes the art of seduction look easy peasy. If you haven’t already, head over there and check it out. Over to Claudia for some savvy advice on how to keep that online chat going in the right direction.
Keeping an online conversation going
So you’ve passed the awkward “first contact” stage of online dating. You sent the first message, they replied – congratulations, everyone is onboard and ready to roll!
So, what now?
It can be hard to keep a conversation going with someone you don’t know YET, and who isn’t sitting across the table from you. You want to come off as fun, interesting and flirty, while also being considered serious, smart and trustworthy, right?
Aie, aie, aie… That’s quite a big task to accomplish using just a few messages to and fro! And you know what makes it even harder? Is that you don’t know what makes them tick yet – or even if it’s worth finding out…
If you find yourself stuck one message in, and you want some advice on how to spark up an interesting conversation that will tell you whether this person is worth getting offline for, read on.
1. Ask questions
Pretty much everyone loves talking about “numero uno” – so give your partner an opportunity to start gabbing away! Asking light, simple questions is a sure fire way to keep a conversation going online. The more they answer, the more fuel you’ve got for the conversation. Even better, you’ve just won some major points by flattering their ego (even if it’s just a little).
It’s also a good indicator for knowing if you have found a worthwhile match or not. “How so” you say? Well, if after asking them a mountain of questions, they still haven’t asked you the basics, you can be pretty darn sure they are self absorbed, and not the least bit interested in finding out what you’re all about. Time to move on, nothing to see here folks!
Keep it fun, it’s not a job interview – make your question a little quirky and different. This way you stand out from the rest of the “fishies” and get a better reaction – and please, don’t ask something they’ve already answered on their profile.
2. Get your flirt on
Flirting is fun, but when you’re doing it online you need to be slower about it than normal. Because your partner can’t see you, or the signals you’re sending, flirting too early in an online exchange can be a huge turn-off. Don’t immediately start talking about adult toys or send her a “selfie” at the gym all pumped up post workout. Make sure that you add just a lick of sass to your pre-meet up messages.
Going back to the good old questions, instead of asking him or her something dull such as “what did you eat for lunch?” give your questions a hint of spice. Ask “Why are you a cat person when everyone knows that dog people make better lovers?” Or poke fun at their answers in a flirty way (“Oh, you’re a Star Wars fan? Bet you’ve got Darth Vader pillowcases J”).
Make sure you don’t go overboard. Nothing kills a conversation early on like pushing boundaries waaaay too far (like being outright mean or vulgar).
3. Be honest
When you’re messaging almost anonymously, it can be easy to exaggerate or outright lie to make yourself look better. Don’t do it! One, because it will get awkward if you ever do meet up, and two, it’s human (and often endearing) to have flaws – embrace them, and your partner will too.
If you’re not proud of your height, say, “I’m short, but what I lack in height, I make up for in over-confidence.”
Make your flaws into a joke that you can both laugh about – they’ll be more likely to share theirs, so you don’t get any special surprises when you end up meeting.
4. Know when to take it off (line)
Even if you’re enjoying the online messages, don’t push your luck. Know when to take your virtual relationship offline before it fizzles out. After all, dating is about meeting up face-to-face, hearing their voice, drinking in their smell and feeling their touch.
In my experience, it’s best to meet up earlier rather than later – like before you know everything about each other, and you still both have an air of mystery about you. After all, you want your first date to feel like a first date, not a 10th wedding anniversary, right?
Online conversation debrief:
Before jumping straight into it with the great advice you’ve just received, commit to memory the following “do’s and don’ts” of online conversation:
For the ladies:
Don’t be negative. Opening up with “I’m so sick of online dating…” makes you seem unenthusiastic… and also like you’ve been doing this for way too long.
Do be complimentary about his photo. Don’t make any jokes about it being photo shopped, the male ego is an extremely sensitive thing!
For the Gents:
Don’t go there. Seriously, men are the worst offenders here – don’t talk about the size of ANYTHING until you at least know what her favorite drink is (and have bought her a few)!
Do keep it light and fun. Don’t write long essays about yourself, which seem extremely interesting to you, but might not be all that easy to reply to. Stick with light, flirty topics that keep engagement levels high.
Well, there you go! 4 tips for keeping the online conversation going like a champ until you meet up in the flesh. Happy online dating!
How To Keep The Conversation Going On Dating Apps
Many folks struggle with app choice, photos, bio, prompts, likes, matches and first messages. It’s not uncommon to never make it past exchanging a few lines with matches. It’s quite a feat to get online dating conversation starters down to start exchanging some meaningful banter, connections and experiences with your matches on dating apps.
The novelty of a new match and person to talk to can quickly dwindle. Repeat conversations can feel like Groundhog’s Day. One can only answer how a day, weekend, week or SIP is going before wanting to rip out eyeballs with mundane, boring generic opening lines on dating sites.
Given the number of options people have on dating apps, any cliche, boring messages can quickly lead to you being unmatched or ghosted before you know it.
Below are some tips to continue conversations, transition to date planning and avoid getting unmatched or ghosted prematurely.
How Do You Keep A Conversation Going Over Text, What To Say, Questions To Ask
Now more than ever, it’s tough to keep conversations going long enough before they fizzle out or before a date is scheduled. Nervousness about safety, lack of open places open, crowded trails, streets and parks make it challenging for people to plan dates. Isolation along with job-security can wreak havoc on one’s mental health.
Here are some tips to consider not only when matching and after sending the first messages but more so how to prepare ahead of time.
Being good at texting on dating apps and carrying conversation starts before opening the keyboard. It requires you to have enough interests, life experience, hobbies, passions, ambitions, to draw from. The more you stay inside the harder it is to have things to reference, quickly respond to and create banter.
Sure, tv, movies and podcasts help with conversation topics but being current with local and world events, going outdoors in nature and urban walks, having different social circles, trying new local establishments, traveling and exploring (even if locally i.e. new neighborhoods, nearby towns, hiking trails, paths) all help to draw talking points from quickly and easily when you get that match.
Having an opinion matters even if you are wrong. No one wants someone who is ambivalent, indecisive, takes too long to reply to or doesn’t get references.
Being Physically, Emotionally Ready For Dating Apps
One of the common mistakes people make is joining dating apps before they are ready. It’s one thing to be emotionally ready from a relationship that ended or being in the right state of mind, but it’s another thing to be socially ready.
Even if both individuals are interested in each other, there is no certainty around what intent means to each person. Dating apps are more like introduction apps – the purpose is to get introduced, spend time getting to know each other and decide if both parties want to meet up.
Nowadays there are many lonely people looking for penpals, people who are taking their time to get to others and of course those that don’t know what they want. Uncertainty and indecisiveness can kill the momentum and raise doubts about sincerity, effort and enthusiasm.
Communication Skills, Social Skills On Dating Sites, Online Dating Chats
Being a good conversationalist requires skills. Often it’s not something one can just wing. A good communicator is one who has a lot to draw from in life, often in terms of experiences such as travel, work, education, hobbies, interests, friends, family, classes and more.
The less one has to draw from the more difficult it is to come prepared to engage in quality conversation. The most interesting people are those that have versatile backgrounds, are a bit of an odd-ball, have varied interests and those that are charming, enthusiastic and convey a healthy dose of energy.
Without energy, effort and enthusiasm, it’s hard to keep conversations going. It’s hard to be excited about someone who doesn’t show and match the same level of these qualities that you possess. Boring, cliche conversation starters get repetitive, especially during covid.
Treating conversations like interviews feel like an extension of Zoom job interviews. Too many people try to play it cool with simple, straight-forward questions and topics but the best conversations are ones that allow both parties to geek-out, be a bit vulnerable and keep the other hooked.
Fear of being one’s true self is an easy way to kill a conversation quickly. Even if a convo dies within a few messages, at least time is saved and both people can move on. There is nothing wrong with letting a conversation die if one or both parties are not interested.
Conversation Starters, Topics For Conversations, Questions To Ask To Keep The Conversation Going
Great conversations involve connections, shared experiences, agreement / disagreement (banter) and/or learning something new. In order to teach someone something new, one has to have the arsenal to be in a position to teach.
Being an expert in a variety of fields is a great way to do this. Having strong passions and interests across a slew of areas shows dimension, intrigue and uniqueness.
If someone lacks experience with hobbies, interests, social context, culture, arts or awareness and interest about the world around them, dating apps will be brutal and I generally recommend these people get off apps until they come ready to engage, learn, fail, explore and teach. Dating requires give and take and too often people join apps to fill a void, feel better about themselves, or merely see what’s out there.
Avoid cliche topics or sounding like an interview. Asking a question that has likely been asked hundreds of times is enough for a woman to unmatch rather quickly. Such questions include how is your quarantine going? How is your day? How is your week? How is your morning? These are not bad questions, but they are not great especially if you hardly know someone, and they are talking to other people and hearing the same lines over and over again.
Look at backgrounds and details in photos. Don’t choose the most obvious photo or prompt to comment on. Ask open-ended questions that are relevant to the moment rather than networking type questions or questions that are too random or private.
If there is not enough context in the photo but you are familiar with the location, you can inquire about something related to the location – did you go to xyz? what did you think of abc?
10 Online Dating Conversation Starters That Will Get Her To Respond
How to start a conversation on a dating app is a tricky skill but don’t worry you are more than capable of mastering this. What works in real life doesn’t always translate online. Different than in real life - you want to assume there’s trust between you two immediately so seize the opportunity to build rapport. You’ll get to know each other on the date but build excitement for that date with charismatic texting and quality questions.
We believe men should initiate the conversation on the dating app after first matching - so guys, we’ve provided you 10 different conversation starters and real life examples. Test them out and see which ones fit your personality and stick with the ones that work. This doesn’t haven’t have to be hard, follow our steps to get her to respond to your move.
Online Dating Conversation Starter #10: Skip the small talk and drop into real-life chatting
HIM: “I’m looking for a new playlist/podcast - hit me with what you’re listening to right now.”
HIM: “20 years from now will we say damn we killed it?”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #9: Ask her opinion on something trivial but purposeful
HIM “We’re having this debate at the office, 4 day work weeks. Do you get Monday off or Friday?
HIM: “Croissants or Muffins? and Coffee or Tea?”
HIM: “Window or Aisle seat?”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #8: T/F Questions
HIM: “True or False - Mountain vacations > Beach vacations?”
HIM: “Ok True or False - the United Center queso is what queso dreams are made of?”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #7: Multiple Choice Questions
HIM: “a perfect day includes:…” A] Coffee and a good book, B] A walk down Lakeshore Drive, C] A home-cooked meal, D] All the above
HIM: “The best way to beat Sunday Scaries:….” A] gym & grocery store, B] Self Care Sundays, C] Football & Football & Football, D] All the above
Online Dating Conversation Starter #6: A compliment is ALWAYS a good start
HIM: “Hello gorgeous, I know I’m not the first person to have said that to you today”
HIM: “That lip color 🔥🔥”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #5: A thought-provoking conversation
HIM: “If you were trapped on a deserted island - what’s the one item you’d bring?”
HIM: “What are you most proud of this year?”
HIM: “If you had to rename your wifi. What would you choose?”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #4: A playful challenge
HIM: “You sure you want to lose at mini-golf and lose the upper hand in the relationship so quickly?”
HIM: “My favorite fried chicken place vs your favorite fried chicken place. Winner picks dessert and orders for the other person the rest of the night.”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #3: A bold comment to bridge the awkwardness
HIM: “FMK: F*CK, Marry, Kill…”
HIM: “I bet you’re good at tennis, but we’ve never played. Saturday at 9:30a?”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #2: A joke
HIM: “Dad jokes don’t translate well, so…..it’s a good thing I’m not a dad.”
HIM: “Did you see the avocado shortage? Take my left arm before taking my avocados”
Online Dating Conversation Starter #1: Create a conversation around her profile pictures & bio
HIM: “Tell me you went to Brasserie Ten Ten when you were in Boulder, I love that restaurant.”
HIM: “I’m going to Thailand in March, what was your favorite part of your trip?
Things NOT to say to when starting the conversation on a dating app
Hey! How are you?
Hey, what’s up?
Hey, how’s your day going?
Do you have any fun plans this weekend?
How’s your week starting out?
These are conversation starters that we would say in real life - but online this is boring and online, guys, you need to start strong. If you start the conversation here it’s hard to carry the momentum into an organically flowing conversation. The appropriate response to these questions does not leave room for flirting and playful banter. This is a conversation starter not a checked box, the level of effort you put into this part will dictate how the rest of the conversation will go.
AND, SWIPE RIGHT’s conversation starter POWER MOVE tip-
Skip the small talk and text her like you already know each other, when you take away the stranger-newness the formality disappears and the conversation will just flow. If you start out with a boring line like these, then your chances of slipping into the “older matches” section of her match list without a first date. You need to stand out to catch her attention, matching with her is only half the job. Landing the job is the next step so make sure you start smoothly.
There you go, don’t forget to report back. We love hearing from you.
- the AND, SWIPE RIGHT team
What do you think? Did we miss something? We want to hear from you, email us with your thoughts, your feedback, and what topics you want to know more about. Reach us at info@andswiperight.com
Ah, conversation starters.
It’s probably the most awkward part of dating, especially when the future of your relationship could depend on that first message.
To make things a little less painful for you (and to follow up on our Decade of Dating report) we tracked conversations about the top eight free lifestyle apps with the goal of finding out what interests the different dating apps’ audiences have.
For this analysis, we used Brandwatch Consumer Research data spanning the decade, from July 1 2010 to December 31 2019
Let’s get to the data! Below, you’ll find the rankings of the top interests for those talking about the different platforms we studied.
Tinder
If you don’t know where to start, users who post about Tinder are also interested in:
- Music
- Family and parenting
- Food and drinks
- Books
OKCupid
If you think it could be for you, some great topics of conversation could be:
- Books
- Family and parenting
- Tech
- Music
Grindr
If you’re stuck for conversation, people who talk about Grindr online are also into:
- Music
- Family and parenting
- Food and drink
- Books
Bumble
Interested in Bumble? The conversation might start flowing if you mention:
- Sports
- Music
- Family and parenting
- Books
Hinge
It’s a particularly good app for you, if you love:
- Food and drink
- Books
- Sports
- Music
Match
Time to get chatting about:
- Family and parenting
- Sports
- Music
- Books
Take the leap
We recently did a deep dive into how consumers perceive all the dating sites in this list, as well as looking at how dating has changed over the last 10 years. You can find our full report here.
Or you can let us know what you think down in the comments, or @BW_React.
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Dating app conversation starters
Let’s be real, very few of us have mastered dating app conversation starters; what to say; how to say it; when to say it? There are so many questions. And in all honesty, there’s no right answer. When it comes to writing the first message, the most important advice we can offer is do what feels right for you, and the typing will follow. But if you are stuck, we have a few sage words of wisdom.
Send something funny
A gif, a meme, or quote is a great way of initiating some dialogue. It’s also a good way to express your personality and interests without having to actually say anything - a picture says a 1000 words. Images are fantastic ice breakers and can relax what can be, a nerve-racking situation. And who doesn’t love a meme?
Cracking a joke can also be a great way to get the ball rolling, especially because a sense of humour is so attractive (we think). Opening with a funny one-liner can show the person on the other end that you don’t take yourself too seriously and you’re up for some banter.
We liked: How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
But we also liked: So last night, I was reading The Book Of Numbers and I realised I don’t have yours.
Start with something traditional
When it comes to dating app conversation starters, simple is sometimes best. Why not start with a simple ‘hey, how are you?’ ‘How was your day’ or, even better, pick up on something in their bio.
We liked: Where was that picture of you {insert description} taken? Tell me more about it.
Get dirty but not disgusting
Now, when we say dirty, we’re straddling the border of dirty and cute, not gross and uncomfortable. Keep it light, a tongue in cheek type thing that will keep it more ‘ahhh’ not ‘ewww’.
We liked: I love all of your sexy curves, but your smile is my favourite’.
Romance isn’t dead
Romance is very important when it comes to dating, so a romantic throw away line can be a great dating app conversation starter. A lovely compliment can be really heart melting or even throwing in a pick-up line – and who cares if it’s cheesy, we love a cheese board!
We like: You must do interior design because you definitely made this room more beautiful.
And once you’re ready to start chatting, and you have your conversation starters, your witty one liners, and some flirty emojis, be sure to remember…
Being interested is just as important as being interesting
Being interesting is fine, but being interested is great. Show that you can have a two-way conversation by asking questions and actually engaging in the answers. Often people tend to talk over each other and not actually listen to the response being given (watch any episode of The Hills to understand what we’re on about). Show that you’re just as happy to listen, as you are to talk.
Think before you send
How many times have you typed something out, pressed send and then thought ‘nooo!’, or worse, sent a message to someone it wasn’t meant for. People often say think before you speak, but rarely do they say think before you send, which is just as important.
Relax and be yourself
Finally, and most importantly, just be your true, fabulous, authentic self. It’s very easy to second guess what you’re writing and how you’re coming across but the stress of that will be alleviated if you’re presenting the real you.
OK, we also found these one liners that were too awesome to leave out
I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.
Your eyes are like Ikea…I get lost in them
I should call you Google, because you have everything I’m looking for
I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it.
What’s your name? Or can I call you “mine”?
And the last one, in case you’re looking how to broach the subject of becoming official…
Hey, this Halloween, how ’bout you and I being boyfriend and girlfriend?
And at the end of the day if you’ve given it your best shot and the recipient is not reciprocating, then you give it a cool ‘thank you, next!’ You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. The dating pool is big, enjoy your swim.
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