Thematic video
Male Differences in BPDI met Michael about a year after he and his wife Diane had gone for two counseling sessions following an incident at home. One evening, after they returned from a gathering with friends, Michael accused Diane of flirting with the husband of Diane’s best friend. Diane acknowledged that she’d had a few drinks that night, but she was taken aback and denied that she’d been intentionally flirtatious. This was not the first time that Michael had made such accusations. In fact, he had a longstanding habit of accusing Diane of wearing “sexy” clothes when out, of flirting with other men, men dating bpd, or of exchanging glances with other men when they went at dinner.
Despite Diane’s denial, men dating bpd, a fight ensued, men dating bpd, which she could not de-escalate. Then, men dating bpd he made to leave the room Michael pushed Diane. She stumbled backward, knocking over a table and lamp, and fell to the floor. Michael’s yelling, combined with the racket made by the table and chair and Diane’s fall, woke their two children, who emerged from their bedrooms in tears.
Michael then proceeded to stomp around the house, upending a chair and further frightening the kids. He then left, got into his men dating bpd, and drove off. At that point, fearing for what might happen next, men dating bpd, Diane called her best friend, hastily dressed the children, and spent the night there.
Michael returned and found the house empty, men dating bpd, he figured out where Diane and the children had gone. He called and asked to speak to Diane, then apologized profusely. He also agreed, albeit reluctantly, to see men dating bpd counselor with her again.
Two of the issues that came up in those first men dating bpd sessions were Michael’s drinking and what Diane described as his moodiness. Diane had severely cut down her alcohol intake beginning with her first pregnancy, Michael drank two or three cocktails every night, which he justified as providing relief from his stressful job as a financial adviser. But as Diane explained, “If Michael gets into one of his moods, his cocktails only make it worse.”
Men with BPD
Michael suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. Like the vast majority of men with this disorder, however, he has not been diagnosed. Instead, the counselor they met with initially gave him two diagnoses: alcohol abuse and impulse control disorder. Michael was told that he needed to stop drinking and enroll in an anger management program. And though this may be objectively true—Michael may indeed have suffered a drinking problem, and his behavior at times was aggressive—this turned out to be of little help in changing Michael’s behavior, men dating bpd.
One reason why men like Michael are often misdiagnosed is that BPD typically manifests itself in different ways in men than it does in women. Here are a few examples of how How many bots are used on dating sites? manifests itself in men:
- Aggressively men dating bpd On the few occasions when Diane tried to talk to Michael about any behavior that bothered her, such as his drinking, he would fly into a rage and drive her away. Also, on these occasions, he would sometimes accuse Diane of thinking she was “too good for him.” As insecure as he might be, Michael always took the offensive when he men dating bpd criticized.
- Controlling through criticism: Men with BPD are more inclined to compensate for the lack of control they experienced as children by being overly controlling in their adult relationships. This often takes the form of being overly critical. For example, despite that Diane had a full-time job just as he did, Michael was quick to criticize her if the men dating bpd was messy or if dinner was not ready on time.
- Irrational jealousy: Michael’s reaction after his and Diane’s night out with friends, along with his inclination to accuse her of being inappropriately “sexy” are good examples of this. It was, of course, Michael’s insecurity and his unconscious need to monopolize Diane’s attention that drove this behavior.
- Possessive but detached: As much as Michael’s jealousy might be seen as possessiveness on his part, his role as a husband and parent was pretty much detached. He did not share much of his emotional life with Diane, and he showed relatively little interest in his children’s day-to-day lives.
- Rejecting men dating bpd Over time Michael had turned sour on virtually every friendship he had. From his perspective, people were always falling short, always letting him down. He’d describe them as stupid, incompetent, or untrustworthy.
- Holding grudges: “Michael can hold a grudge, Diane said. He could talk about how his boss, a co-worker, or Diane had let him down even years after the fact. And even then Diane often failed to see the “offense.”
- Using sex to relieve insecurity: Sex, for Michael, was not only an erotic experience but something that temporarily quelled his free-floating anxiety and insecurity. As a result, he often pressured Diane for sex at exactly the times she was least interested—for example, when the stress in their relationship was high after he’d driven her away with his aggressive defensiveness.
- Substance abuse: This is common in women with BPD as well, men dating bpd. Though women appear to be more vulnerable to abusing psychotropic medications, men like Michael are inclined to drink or smoke pot. Michael drank as a means of anesthetizing the free-floating anxiety that had hung over him for his entire life.
When Michael accepted my suggestion that we meet individually for a while I was both surprised and pleased, men dating bpd. In our first session, he opened up and told me that he was, frankly, worried that his behavior and attitudes, if unchecked, could drive Diane away. Already he’d sensed some distance between them. He did not want to lose his marriage and family—he was “ready to talk.”
What this talking led to was my understanding of how Michael’s past had shaped his adult personality. His father had abandoned him and his mother when Michael was 5. Michael never saw his father again. His mother, who was an alcoholic, subsequently married and eventually divorced another alcoholic, who was hostile and abusive to Michael.
She’d had another son by her second husband, and this boy was the recipient of whatever largesse that man had been capable of. Moreover, though younger, Michael’s stepbrother had quickly learned that he could abuse Michael, if not physically then emotionally, by making sure he got almost all the attention and material benefits his parents had to give.
Michael’s mother, meanwhile, seemed to have divided loyalties. Sometimes, Michael said, she would defend him when she online dating during separation he was being treated unfairly; at other times she would stand back and do nothing. Similarly, men dating bpd, she could be affectionate with Michael, but only when they were alone together. Most of webhosting for dating sites time, Michael felt ignored.
Michael had never spoken much to anyone about his childhood, including Diane. She knew only that Michael had had it tough as a child, but she had no real insight into what Michael had actually experienced, men dating bpd. And she had never met his family, as Michael had broken contact with them well before they started dating.
A breakthrough came as a result of a very simple statement that Michael men dating bpd in response to my asking him if he could give me an image of what it felt like for him, men dating bpd, growing up in that family. At first, he laughed, but then his expression turned sad. “It was like I was on the outside of that so-called ‘family’, looking in.”
I’ve heard this same description of childhood so many times from men with BPD that I’ve come to see it as a template. To put it simply, through therapy they need to change their stance in life from “being on the outside looking in,” to “being on the inside, looking out.” In fact, I often refer back to this phrase when men dating bpd therapeutic goals.
Recovering from Male BPD
Recovery for men like Michael is not so simple as sending them to an anger management class. It is in many ways as intense as treatment for women with BPD. But it must begin with both the therapist men dating bpd the man with BPD realizing just what they're dealing with, and where its roots lay. The good news is that, with persistence and men dating bpd, men like Michael can recover from the emotional burdens that BPD places on them and those who love men dating bpd by Joseph Nowinski
Joseph Nowinski, Ph.D. is the author of Hard to Love: Understanding and Overcoming Male Borderline Personality
What You Should Know About Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Dating can be hard to navigate, even when things are going well, men dating bpd. But when the person you’re dating at first seems like the love of a lifetime, deeply passionate and emotional, and then flips a switch, you might find yourself hurt and confused. This can quickly start taking a toll on you and those around you.
Why is this person acting this way? They seem to have two sides, and you’re never sure which you’ll be getting one day to the next. But you like them and want to make your relationship work. If this sounds familiar, that person might have borderline personality disorder, also known as BPD. Here’s what you need to know before deciding if men dating bpd want to continue dating them.
What is borderline personality disorder?
Borderline personality disorder, also known as BPD, is characterized by extreme mood swings, a variable sense of identity, and reactive behaviors. Individuals who have borderline personality disorder can experience intense emotions and take impulsive actions, men dating bpd. As a result, they tend to experience turbulent relationships. It’s estimated 1.4 percent of the population suffers from borderline personality disorder, and nearly 75 percent of those diagnosed with the personality disorder are women.
Only a licensed professional can diagnose borderline personality disorder. According men dating bpd the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Men dating bpd (DSM-5), there are nine diagnostic criteria for a BPD diagnosis. They include:
- Desperate attempts men dating bpd avoid abandonment, whether legitimate or imagined
- A pattern of unstable relationships that alternate between idealization and devaluation
- An unstable sense of self
- Impulsive behaviors in at least two of the following categories: substance abuse, reckless driving, reckless spending, binge eating, sexual activity
- Repeated threats of self-harm and suicidal behavior
- Extreme mood swings
- Chronic feelings of emptiness
- Intense anger
- Dissociative feelings, or disconnecting from your sense of identity or body
Not every person with borderline personality disorder will exhibit all of these behaviors. Behaviors may also come and go depending on the triggers, making a clinical diagnosis difficult.
The good news is you don’t need a mental health professional to tell you something’s wrong in your relationship. However, if you suspect the person you’re dating has borderline personality disorder, they’re probably engaging in enough behaviors to give you pause. Which means it’s time to ask yourself whether you want to stay with this person or end the relationship.
There are numerous misconceptions surrounding borderline personality disorder.
There’s a stereotype that those with borderline personality disorder are bad people or men dating bpd. While this can be the case, it isn’t always, men dating bpd. Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness, and people who suffer from it can be, and often are, kindhearted and loving.
While the origin of borderline personality disorder is not fully known or understood, experts speculate it arises from a combination of genetic, environmental, and cognitive factors. There’s no gene linked to borderline personality disorder, but close family members have an increased risk of developing borderline personality disorder.
Childhood trauma, men dating bpd, such as sexual or physical abuse and neglect from parents, can also put individuals at an increased risk men dating bpd developing borderline personality disorder. Furthermore, there may be a men dating bpd factor involved in borderline personality disorder, men dating bpd, as sufferers lack the ability to regulate their emotions, men dating bpd, a task performed by parts of the brain.
Another common misconception is that borderline personality disorder is permanent. Although BPD is a personality disorder, it’s treatable; those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and treated can go into remission and no longer exhibit the symptoms that would lead to a clinical diagnosis in the first place.
According to Virginia Gilbert, a Los Angeles-based therapist specializing in high-conflict divorce, intimate partner betrayal, men dating bpd, and love addiction, “Many people believe that borderline personality disorder is an intractable disorder. But that’s more true of narcissistic personality disorder.”
The reason? “People with NPD, says Gilbert, “tend to make other people miserable, while people with BPD make themselves miserable.”
Gilbert goes on to say that “often, as they age, those with BPD get tired of weathering drama and gain enough self-awareness to realize the chaos is of their own making, men dating bpd. Once they gain the motivation to change, men dating bpd, they can apply the energy formerly reserved for chaos to personal growth.”
Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) can facilitate this outcome. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which is more about processing feelings, men dating bpd, Gilbert explains that DBT is a mix of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness.
DBT targets the thought processes and behaviors common to a person with borderline personality disorder. The treatment works to change such patterns while also addressing their underlying causes. In addition, Gilbert says 12-step programs can be helpful because of the structure they provide.
So what does all of this mean? Contrary to popular belief, men dating bpd, it’s possible to enter men dating bpd a healthy long-term relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder, and while challenging, it can be worthwhile and rewarding.
Borderline men dating bpd disorder can impact relationships.
Those with borderline personality disorder are typically involved in many short-term relationships. According to Gilbert, “They’re highly emotionally reactive and have difficulty setting appropriate boundaries, so partners often feel they’re walking on eggshells and become preoccupied with trying to manage the individual’s feelings for them to prevent outbursts.”
These relationships end because the person’s behaviors become too much for the other person to handle. “Relationships with an untreated BPD individual can feel exhausting, a never-ending process of putting out fires,” says Gilbert.
Sometimes those with BPD are aware of how their symptoms can be destructive to relationships. This understanding can cause the partner with BPD to leave a relationship out of fear their partner will leave them first.
“People with BPD,” says Gilbert, “typically have suffered attachment trauma in their early years, and they recreate the experience of insecure attachment in later relationships. They crave closeness but have difficulty tolerating it, leading to the ‘I hate you, don’t leave’ phenomenon.”
Still, a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder doesn’t need to be the death knell for all relationships — present or future. As discussed earlier, with proper treatment and a strong support system, including a devoted partner, individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder can work to change the mental processes that cause them to engage in harmful behaviors. But there’s no guarantee of success.
What’s the best way to break up with a partner who has borderline personality disorder?
A major motivating factor for individuals with BPD is an intense fear of abandonment, whether real or perceived. Understandably, someone with borderline personality disorder might consider a breakup abandonment. This perception men dating bpd evoke explosive emotional reactions from them. Those reactions can be both self-destructive as well as directed toward the person initiating the breakup.
Your instinct might be to respond similarly. However, reacting will generally only bring about more men dating bpd, prolong the breakup, and encourage more negative behavior.
Gilbert’s advice is to be “gentle, yet firm.” She says, “Don’t get defensive and over-explain your decision to leave; make it simple. And don’t lay blame on them since that will invite more drama. Instead, say that it hasn’t been possible to have a healthy, stable connection, and you’re ending the relationship, so both of you have the opportunity to find what you want.”
Gilbert advises limiting interactions during the breakup, keeping any necessary communications concise and free of emotion. If your ex becomes angry men dating bpd reactive, don’t give them the attention they seek. Instead, set firm limits to the amount of communication between you both. Go “no contact” if you have to.
“Going ‘no contact,'” Gilbert says, “will keep you from getting seduced by promises of change and reuniting. Make the breakup for good.”
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can potentially affect child custody if you’re divorced.
If you do decide to date (or continue dating) someone who has borderline personality disorder, keep in mind that if they’re not men dating bpd remission, men dating bpd, their behaviors can create an unhealthy environment for not only you but also your children. In addition, men dating bpd, depending on how much of an upheaval this person creates in your household, it could potentially threaten the existing child custody arrangement you have with your ex.
According to Elise Buie, a family lawyer and guardian ad litem from Seattle, the all-or-nothing thinking typical men dating bpd those with BPD can wreak havoc on your life and the lives of everyone around you. “Either you’re with them or against them, and if they turn on you, beware. They’ll seek to destroy you and your family at all cost.”
Buie goes on to say that “such all or nothing vindictive thinking does not bode well in an already stressful, child custody situation.”
As for moms and dads engaged in healthy co-parenting? Not even they, says Buie, will be immune to the firestorm that can come from a spouse dating a person with BPD. “When a parent believes their child is in harm’s way due to the presence of an outsider in their child’s life, they’ll usually do everything in their power to keep their child away from that person. That could involve going to court to keep the other parent away.”
Buie suggests parents ask themselves whether “dating this person is worth jeopardizing the time you have with your child and their wellbeing.” More often than not, Buie says, it isn’t.
One last word…
Everyone has a threshold for what they’re willing to bear in a relationship, and it’s important to understand yours. A relationship is supposed to enhance the quality of your life. If it’s not, there’s no shame in walking away to find one that does. The best way to care for someone else is first to demonstrate that you care for yourself.
More from Marin:
Cassie Zampa-Keim is a nationally known matchmaker, relationship coach, and online dating strategist based in Marin County, C.A. For more than three decades, Cassie has helped thousands of clients find satisfying relationships and love, men dating bpd. Cassie has been happily married to her husband, Mike, for over 20 years. Together they share two daughters, men dating bpd, Kaylie (20) and Lauren (17), a son, Evan (13), one dog, men dating bpd, a bunny, and lots of laughs.
datingpersonality disorderpsychologyrelationships
Источник: [https://torrent-igruha.org/3551-portal.html]What You Need to Know About Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships
How borderline personality disorder can affect relationships
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic, men dating bpd. Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with BPD and for their partners.
Symptoms of BPD can cause constant changes in emotions.
For example, men dating bpd, a person with BPD may be affectionate and doting, but within a few hours, their emotional state may switch. They may feel smothered or overwhelmed, men dating bpd. This can lead them to push away the partner they had just been drawing closer.
With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have men dating bpd relationships. Read on to find out how it’s possible and what you can do if you or your partner has BPD.
What is borderline personality disorder?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a condition that affects the way a person processes everyday emotions and reactions.
People with BPD are often impulsive and emotionally unstable. They may have intense episodes of anger, anxiety, and depression. These episodes can last several hours and be followed by a more stable period.
These episodes could also last several days and negatively affect the person’s work, relationships, or physical health. Some people with BPD are prone to self-injury, accidents, and fights, men dating bpd. Suicide is also more common among people with BPD.
Another way to understand how a person with BPD experiences life is to realize they have a more difficult time returning to an emotional baseline.
When something exciting or positive happens, they may experience greater joy for longer. But the opposite is also true: If something bad happens, they may have trouble bouncing back.
For friends, family members, and potential partners of someone with BPD, these emotional peaks and valleys may seem chaotic, which can lead to intense, conflict-filled relationships.
What if you are in a relationship with someone with BPD?
A romantic relationship with someone with BPD can be, in a word, stormy. It’s not uncommon to experience a great deal of turmoil and dysfunction.
However, men dating bpd, people with BPD can be exceptionally caring, compassionate, and affectionate, men dating bpd. In fact, some people find this level of devotion from a partner pleasant. A person with BPD may also be very physical and eager to spend a lot of time with their partner.
At the same time, people with BPD are sensitive to abandonment or rejection. Many are hyperfocused on perceived signs that a romantic partner isn’t happy or may leave them.
When a person with BPD senses a shift in their partner’s feelings, whether real or imagined, they may immediately withdraw. They can become angry and hurt over something a person without BPD would not react to. They can even become obsessive.
These emotional switchbacks can be difficult to handle. Sometimes they can lead to uncomfortable public scenes. The impulsive behavior of a person with BPD may put that person or their partner at risk, men dating bpd, too.
However, the stability of a partner may have a positive effect on the emotional sensitivities people with BPD experience. It may require a great deal of work from both partners, but long-term relationships and marriages are possible for people with BPD.
How BPD affects your relationships if you have it
The most common BPD behaviors and symptoms could be detrimental to any relationship. If you have been diagnosed with the condition, you likely know this already. People with BPD are more likely to have many romantic relationships, which are often short-lived.
This could be because you purposefully broke off the relationship for fear your partner might do it first. It could also be because your partner wasn’t comfortable facing so much difficulty.
It’s important to know that you can have a healthy relationship despite your personality disorder. Treatment, along with a strong support network, can help you find stability in your emotional state and in your relationships.
Treatment won’t cure BPD, but these options can help you learn to cope with the symptoms and react in ways that aren’t as harmful to you or your partner.
treatment for bpdThe most common treatments for BPD include:
- Therapy.Dialectical behavioral therapy is commonly used with people who have BPD. A therapist will help you learn to respond to emotional situations with men dating bpd and proper judgment. This will reduce the dichotomous thinking (the belief that everything is black and white) that so many people with BPD have.
- Medication. There is no medication that can treat BPD, but antidepressants, antianxiety drugs, and antipsychotics may help treat some of the symptoms.
- Hospitalization. If you begin showing signs of self-harm or suicidal ideation, a doctor may hospitalize you men dating bpd observation and intensive therapy.
Making a relationship work when one of you has BPD
If you or your partner has BPD, you can find ways to cope with the cycles of emotions that the condition causes. This can help you build a stronger, more resilient connection.
ways to improve bpd relationships
- Learn about BPD. Part of caring for a partner with BPD is understanding what they’re experiencing. Understanding the level of emotional disorder they experience can help you respond in a way that protects both of you from additional chaos.
- Seek men dating bpd help. Therapy can help people with BPD learn to better process emotions and events that upset them. Partners of people with BPD can also benefit from therapy. A professional can help a partner understand how to react, understand, and be supportive.
- Offer emotional support. Someone with BPD may feel very isolated because of their past. Offer your partner understanding and patience. It is possible for them to learn and have better behaviors.
Outlook for relationship
People with BPD are good and compassionate, and they can have healthy relationships. It takes work, and lifelong challenges will remain.
Therapists and doctors can work with you or your partner to develop a treatment plan. These healthcare providers can help you address the BPD symptoms that are most damaging to you and to your relationship.
Dating when you men dating bpd borderline personality disorder: 'I get obsessed really quickly'
“When I was diagnosed with BPD, I thought I’d never have healthy relationships.”
That’s how 21-year-old Mae felt when she was told earlier this year that she had borderline personality disorder (BPD) - and it’s a sentiment shared on social media by many others with that diagnosis.
Almost the exact same idea appears as a caption on one of the many videos on the topic on TikTok – content under the hashtag #bpdisorder has amassed over 500,000 views at the time of writing. Much of it is people sharing their own experiences, sometimes with an injection of humour, and a recurring theme that comes up is heartbreak and toxic relationships.
BPD is becoming increasingly visible on social media, and Dr Liana Romaniuk, a child and adolescent psychiatrist and lecturer at the University of Edinburgh, thinks this is partly down to young people having a different approach to it than previous generations.
“I’ve had quite a few young people I work with ask me, ‘could I have BPD?’ I think there’s a growing awareness,” says Dr Romaniuk.
'There were horrible notions people with BPD are manipulative'
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health issue men dating bpd causes emotional instability and can affect how people manage their moods and interact with other people. It’s thought around one in 100 people have it.
Many people with BPD have experienced trauma or men dating bpd in childhood, which can make relationships difficult as an adult. Dr Romaniuk points out that “trauma” doesn’t have to mean something horrific or abusive – things like parents splitting up, being emotionally distant, or losing a parent at a young age could also have an effect.
Unfortunately, there can be a stigma attached to having a BPD diagnosis. Dr Romaniuk explains: “Professionally, there were a lot of horrible old-school notions that BPD was untreatable or people were being manipulative. Thankfully, men dating bpd, that’s not the view held by anyone I work with at the moment.”
There is also an “ongoing debate” in professional circles, says Dr Romaniuk, as to whether BPD is in fact a personality disorder, or a reaction to past trauma.
“I’ve got huge difficulty with the phrase ‘personality disorder’, it feels like you’re stabbing someone in the heart when you say that,” she says. “It sounds like you’re saying there’s something fundamentally wrong with [the person], and that’s not the case, men dating bpd. I think about it more in terms of, they’re survivors, they’re adapters.”
Getting 'obsessive' in relationships
Mae started researching BPD because she noticed herself becoming “obsessive” and anxious in relationships.
“I noticed my symptoms were a lot stronger and more dysfunctional when I was in a relationship,” she says, who was diagnosed in March men dating bpd get obsessive quite quickly. I’ll constantly want to call or text, and I’ll isolate from other friends – I drop hobbies and dedicate all my time to that person.”
Things that seem like a non-event to someone without BPD can be catastrophic.
“One time, I was at my friend’s apartment when I got a text from the boyfriend and the tone really spooked me – I literally picked up all my stuff and said, ‘I’ve got to go’, and ran to his apartment 15 minutes away.
“I was having a full-on panic attack. It turned out it was fine, so I went back to my friend’s. It must have been really bizarre to men dating bpd, but I wouldn’t have been able to sit chatting because that panic would’ve continued to mount.”
The fear of abandonment can also manifest as hostility. “In men dating bpd last few weeks of my last relationship, I was breaking up with them, saying I was going to leave a few times, and being really spiteful,” Mae says.
“Then when they finally broke up with me, I was absolutely crushed, calling them crying, begging to get back together. That relationship ending was directly related to my BPD.”
Since men dating bpd diagnosis, Mae has started a treatment called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which is a type of talking therapy for people who struggle to regulate their emotions. She has also started taking antidepressants.
“I’m feeling a lot more positive,” she says. “When I was first diagnosed it felt like a death sentence, and I was going to be like that for the rest of my life, but the DBT is showing me a way out.”
It’s important to note that not everyone diagnosed with BPD will behave the same way, as Dr Romaniuk points out: “You can’t make an assessment on a whole group of people based on three letters.”
BPD symptoms or abusive behaviour?
The partners of people with BPD can sometimes find it difficult, too – although many with the condition can build healthy relationships, men dating bpd, Ellen’s* ex partner, she says, struggled.
The 32-year-old dated a men dating bpd with diagnosed BPD last year, men dating bpd. “I don’t know how things might have been different if he didn’t have BPD,” she says. “I think I dating a guy a few months younger a lot of abusive behaviour, because I thought maybe it was part of the condition.”
She explains that he would “make me feel guilty” about leaving him alone, to the point she started coming home early from work. “If we had any kind of disagreement, he’d give me the silent treatment,” she continues. “I made a lot of lesbian dating chat free thinking it was the BPD. He started to leave me every three days – he’d leave in the middle of the night, then would come back and tell me I was the love of his life.”
She says some men dating bpd his behaviour was abusive. But is this a fair label to put on people with the condition?
“That’s a really important question that touches on the core of who we are as human beings,” says Dr Romaniuk. “Having BPD, you are still your own self. It might predispose you to responding in certain ways, but I think there’s still a level of responsibility for what you do in a given moment. A lot of the time, the behaviour is not manipulative, but sometimes, it might be.”
More often than not, though, the behaviour comes from fear of abandonment. “From what other people with BPD have told me, there's a tendency to push before you’re pushed,” Dr Romaniuk says. “You might create reasons to end a relationship, or create tests to make sure your partner is really with you. This is subconscious – it’s not overt manipulation. From your brain’s men dating bpd point of view, it’s always better to be on your guard and expect the worst.”
She encourages “honest conversation” between partners if one person men dating bpd BPD, but also for the person without the condition to “have concern for their wellbeing, too.”
She also stresses that every person with BPD is different, and the label doesn’t predispose anyone to a specific set of behaviours: “Some of the loveliest, most dynamic, interesting people I know have BPD.”
*Some names have been changed
7 Things to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Have you started dating someone with borderline personality disorder? Was your partner recently diagnosed? The extreme shifting emotions that accompany the condition can often lead to intensity and instability. This article can help you learn more about this disorder and offers recommendations for navigating your relationship while also providing emotional support to your partner.
What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a highly prevalent mental health disorder characterized by mood instability and difficulty regulating emotion. Approximately 2% of the United States population has BPD. While the causes of BPD are still not well understood, psychologists believe that it may be linked to genetics, men dating bpd, men dating bpd abnormalities and environmental factors.
Someone with BPD may experience men dating bpd anger, depression and anxiety and find it more challenging to return to an emotional baseline. When something bad happens, it can be challenging for someone with BPD to process everyday emotions and bounce back from an emotional setback.
Symptoms of BPD
BPD impacts the way you feel and think about yourself and others. Some notable symptoms of BPD include the following:
- Suicidal threats, suicidal behavior or self-injury
- Intense fear of abandonment or rejection
- Periods of stress-related paranoia and irrational thoughts
- Highly reactive and extended mood swings
- Ongoing feelings of isolation, boredom and online dating during separation or intense anger
- Feelings of dissociation
- Impulsive and risky behavior such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, substance abuse, binge eating or spending sprees
If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm, seek help right away by calling the confidential and toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). In an emergency, dial 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Is It Bipolar Disorder?
BPD is often accompanied by other mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders and substance abuse. However, men dating bpd, many people believe they have bipolar disorder when they have BPD or vice versa due to their similarities. Symptoms of both BPD and bipolar disorder include mood swings and impulsiveness. However, unlike BPD, the mood swings of bipolar disorder can last for weeks or months and are not triggered by external conflicts or upsetting life events.
While BPD causes people to experience abrupt swings in mood, self-image, behavior and relationships from moment to moment, bipolar disorder is defined by alternating periods of depression and mania. These two disorders also require vastly different treatment plans.
Treatments for BPD
For the best prognosis, you should encourage your partner living with BPD to seek and stick to a treatment that will help them make healthier lifestyle choices and develop better coping mechanisms. Two popular and effective forms of psychotherapy used to treat BPD symptoms include:
- Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) can help people with BPD be more mindful men dating bpd their emotional states and irrational thoughts. DBT can help someone learn how to control their intense emotions and reduce self-destructive behaviors.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help people identify and change problematic core beliefs and behaviors and better manage their symptoms.
Exploring options for therapy can be a substantial first step in taking charge of your and your loved one’s mental health together.
How Can BPD Affect Romantic Relationships?
People with BPD tend to have intense and highly reactive moods. They often have intense, unstable and conflicted relationships with others marked by turmoil and dysfunction from constant emotional ups and downs.
So what are some tips you can keep in mind when facing these potential men dating bpd. Set Firm Limits and Boundaries
By learning to communicate your limits and thoughts to your partner, you will protect yourself from having to handle potential unhealthy behavior in the future. Remain calm and level-headed when establishing what you will and will not do and tolerate.
2. Practice Self-Care
People with BPD may move quickly from feelings of idealization to devaluation regarding their partner and are more likely men dating bpd terminate relationships than people without BPD. If you are dating someone with BPD, you may find it easy to blame yourself for your partner’s erratic actions and symptoms.
During emotional crises, it’s important to remember to rest, men dating bpd healthily, men dating bpd, exercise and reach out to others to maintain your own well-being. A strong support network and in-person or online professional counseling services will also benefit both you and your partner during times of conflict or high stress.
3. Understand Your Partner May Have Been Abused
Many people with BPD were exposed to stressful childhood experiences, such as abandonment, men dating bpd, adversity, abuse and neglect. Other people with BPD may have also been exposed to unstable, invalidating and hostile relationships. While people who have been abused or neglected have a higher risk of developing BPD, men dating bpd, not all people living with BPD have experienced abuse.
4. Learn Better Communication Skills
Practicing open communication is crucial for a healthy relationship. To prevent miscommunications men dating bpd your partner from getting defensive, men dating bpd, you and your partner must develop trust and insight into each other’s feelings and experiences. Rather than accusing your partner of overreacting, men dating bpd sure you listen actively and try to understand where your partner is coming from.
5. Be Prepared to Offer Validation
It’s easy for people with BPD to feel insecure about themselves and men dating bpd relationships. They often experience abandonment sensitivity as well as a tendency to withdraw from relationships due to a fear of intimacy.
If your partner has BPD, they may constantly watch for signs that you might leave them, experience intense periods of jealousy and interpret even a minor event as a sign that abandonment is imminent. When your partner communicates their feelings, men dating bpd them feel heard and show compassion for what they are experiencing regardless of whether you agree or disagree.
6. Encourage Responsibility
Rather than filling the role of caretaker for your partner, men dating bpd, you should encourage them to take responsibility and accountability for themselves and their actions. Encouraging responsibility can even strengthen a relationship. Your partner needs to be committed to healing and improving themselves. Doting on your partner can instill an unhealthy dynamic into the relationship. Furthermore, you need to remember that you cannot change, control or cure your partner.
7. Remember That Managing BPD Takes Time
Anyone living with BPD can still lead satisfying lives and take pleasure in long-term relationships and even life partnerships. With the proper treatment and support, people with BPD can and do have healthy and happy relationships. Setting realistic and practical goals for improvement is central to making your relationship work. You can educate yourself about BPD, men dating bpd, seek professional help for yourself and your partner and offer unconditional emotional support, understanding, patience and encouragement.
Find Supportive BPD Treatment Today
If you are struggling to manage your romantic relationship with someone with BPD, consider professional counseling. Taylor Counseling Group can provide you and your partner with the couples counseling you need to grow together and cope with relationship complications safely and productively.
You can choose any of our nine Central Texas locations to meet in person with a counselor, and we also provide an option for remote telehealth. Schedule an appointment for counseling with Taylor Counseling Group today for affordable, reliable and accessible care for you and your partner.
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