Shameless share: Aquarius is one of my favorite zodiacal energies right now. There’s just something about them that’s so irresistible. You would think because they are traditionally ruled by Saturn, planet of structure, that Aquarius women are destined to be a bore (sorta like Capricorn, full offense intended).

But no, they’re different—literally. Aquarius’ modern ruler is Uranus, the planet of rebellion and chaos, which I think is a perfect descriptor for the energy that they bring. They don’t do well with conformity and occasionally feel confused by the strange norms and customs within their community. For that reason, they often come off as a bit aloof.

Aquarius women are natural black sheep. They don’t fit into most groups and because of that, when they do find their people, they become extremely community-oriented. Finding their clique means finding their family, and they dedicate their lives to being around their people. As their ancient ruler Saturn suggests, Aquarius is a very loyal zodiac sign, sometimes to a fault. They are notable for being very observant and because of that, they recognize that the world is not rose-colored. They see things as they are.

Trust though, just because an Aquarius woman will work with someone, doesn’t mean that they are dedicated to the person. They are married to the causes that they believe in. Which means that if you’re dating an Aquarius woman, then you must be okay with spending an ample amount of time learning about whatever they are passionate about. Even better if you met them because you’re a part of the same subculture!

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The Aquarius basics

• Birthday: January 23 - February 22
• Type: Fixed air sign
• Keywords: Innovative, activist, organized, community minded, pioneer
• Love Anthem:"Creature!" by Nitty Scott
• Famous Aquarius women: Megan Thee Stallion, Shakira, Oprah Winfrey, Alicia Keys, Ellen Degeneres, Kerry Washington, Emma Roberts, Paris Hilton, Yara Shahidi

The Best Matches for an Aquarius woman

The best matches for an Aquarius woman are Leos and Geminis. Leos because sometimes Aquarius women have trouble stepping into the limelight. Aquarians have great ideas and organize bulletproof plans to achieve them, but the problem is, they struggle with being the front person. Unlike Leo, they usually prefer life behind the scenes to ensure everything goes smoothly. An aligned Leo will be sure to be the megaphone for their Aquarian bae.

Now Gemini, on the other hand, helps turn Aquarius into a mastermind. The problem with Aquarius is that sometimes they are so forward-thinking that they leave everyone else behind! Geminis are able to help Aquarians by asking them questions, which in turn helps develop Aquarius’ plotting.

Sex with a Aquarius woman

Sex with an Aquarius is a lot like being in a hot box—get it? Because Aquarius is a fixed air sign (ba-dum-tiss). Okay seriously though, much like a hot box, once you’re in with an Aquarius woman, there’s no leaving because then all the air is let out!

You have to be comfortable with the fact that Aquarius is focused, which is something that carries into sex. They want eyes on them because that speaks to their need to feel appreciated in the bedroom. Even though they can be very good at keeping their cool, they’re very attentive in the bedroom because they care about ensuring the pleasure is mutual. If the vibes aren’t right, then it’s very unlikely that Aquarius is going to be able to perform. They aren’t going to go out their way to force a mood or make themselves comfortable with something they’re not. They can be a little slow to the act, however once they’re in the flow, you can be sure that they’ll put you onto the most unique sexual acts.

All about Aquarius women

Aquarius is one of the oldest evolutions of the zodiac's energy, which is just a fancy way of saying Aquarius is an old fart. I’m kidding and astrologically incorrect— technically, farts are an expression of cardinal sign energy (sorry, Libra). Being part of the astrological geriatrics club, Aquarius is an energy that appreciates the maintenance of preservation of tradition. This sign is symbolized as the water-bearer, which makes sense because they hold the stories and emotions of so many around them.

While many people may struggle to manage their emotions, Aquarius’ plight in life is to learn how to be a vessel for their community. As the eleventh sign in the zodiac, Aquarius naturally finds itself within the house of community. So if you have any interest in being romantically involved with an Aquarius woman, you've gotta get with her friends. If you’ve noticed that your Aquarius crush has an interest in chess club, then you better move, queen. If your Aquarius lover is all about the revolution, then it’s unlikely that a relationship will work if you don't show at least a little interest in their mission.

As I mentioned, Aquarius’ modern ruler is the planet Uranus. Uranus is an outer planet, which means it is considered a generational planet—it stays in the same sign for about seven years, and entire generations share the same few Uranus signs. Generational planets are less about how we as individuals express ourselves, and more about how cohorts of people operate. And as an outer planet, Uranus represents how specific generations feel called to rebel and the chaotic energy that each generation will be faced with.

Having an understanding of your Aquarius babe’s personal beliefs and views will help you understand what they are passionate about. Aquarians are notable for being dissatisfied with society, and in many cases they can become frequent flyers or say f*ck it and buy a cabin in the woods. There’s no promise that an Aquarius is going to stick around for a long time, especially if they've already made their getaway plan. That being said, if you’re someone significant to them, they’ll always let you know where they are going.

Even though Aquarius can be slow to express their feelings, they are extremely caring. Regardless of gender, an Aquarius who believes in you will go above and beyond for you. If there’s something that you need or an opportunity that you have your eye on, Aquarius will do everything in their power to make your dreams come true. There's no rushing being in a relationship with an Aquarius—it requires a gradual development. If you have the patience to earn their loyalty, then you will have an advocate, associate, and community on your side.

That all being said, please don’t lose sight of the fact that your Aquarius boo will be a total weirdo. As Leo’s opposite zodiac sign, they stand out for all the reasons Leos don't. Leo wants to take the spotlight and knows how to play to the crowd’s appeals. Aquarius finds their lane and then play to the appeals of their specific subculture. You might never fully get an Aquarius and you don’t need to—they require acceptance, and not necessarily full understanding.

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• Both share same financial values.
• Are splitting expenses for the impending wedding.
• Open to suggestions about each other’s financial habits.

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When you're in the dating world, it’s not uncommon to be drawn to a certain “type” of person. Maybe you’re interested in a physical type, such as people who are taller than you or brunettes with curly hair. Or perhaps you gravitate toward a certain personality type like someone who is more reserved than extroverted, with hobbies and interests that most closely align with your own. After all, being selective has never been easier with the abundance of dating apps and websites at our disposal—many of which allow filtering by lifestyle and physical trails.

But whatever your preferences have been up to this point, you may want to reconsider your screening prerequisites and recognize that dating someone who isn’t your typical type can be quite beneficial. In fact, experts say it can be the key to developing a meaningful, fulfilling relationship.

Ahead, we breakdown why we seem to press repeat when it comes to relationships, and five reasons mental health professionals say you should consider breaking that pattern and dating people who aren't your type.

Why Do We Date the Same Type?

According to experts, there are many layers that make up the reasons why we're drawn to a specific type. From the evolutionary perspective, for example, pairing up was a means for survival as opposed to seeking love and attraction, explains Dr. Shannon Curry, a clinical psychologist and Director of Curry Psychology Group in Newport Beach, California. "In the early days of human existence, life was short and brutal. Those who chose male partners who were healthy, strong, and capable of providing protection and access to resources were more likely to survive." And those who selected female partners who were healthy and fertile (plush lips, symmetrical face) were more likely to continue their genetic lineage, Curry adds.

Then, there's an individual's personal history to consider. "We also tend to choose partners based on our early experiences with parents or other primary caregivers," adds Curry. These formative interactions inform our sense of self-worth and expectations for others' behavior that carry over into adulthood, says Curry. Genesis Games, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Miami, adds that these important people "can be biological parents, step-parents, grandparents, older siblings, aunts, uncles, and even nannies. The absence of one of these adults can also leave a mark and influence our 'type.'"

For example, if we grow up experiencing comfort and affection, "we learn that we are worthy of love and that we can expect others to treat us with care and kindness," says Curry. On the other hand, if we were surrounded by pain and fear, we may view this as normal, too. That said, from a neurological perspective, our brain loves shortcuts. It's human instinct to "seek out patterns and operate according to them," says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist, and author of Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today.

And finally, "We probably end up dating similar kinds of people because we do have a type, because we attract a certain type of person, and because we just happen to be in situations where we encounter a certain type of person more frequently," writes Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology and chair of the psychology department at Albright College.

Why Is It Important to Break the Cycle?

Dating a "type" is limiting. If you only date a certain type of person, you limit the number of people who could potentially be right for you. And while you shouldn’t lower your standards or feel like you’re settling, you should open your mind and give other people a chance—even though they don’t necessarily fall into your usual dating category. After all, you simply don’t know who you’re going to mesh with, and that’s true for people who are your type or not. "Statistically speaking, if we reduce the dating pool to singles who meet strict physical and monetary criteria, our odds of meeting someone who also possesses the personality traits that are conducive to lasting happiness significantly decrease," says Curry.

You’re prematurely judging someone. Along these lines, if you only date people you consider to be your ideal type, you’re passing judgment on them before taking the time to get to know them, which is especially easy to do with online dating. And in today's app and online dating world where the information provided by a potential match can be sparse, you may be missing out on meeting someone truly great by evaluating them under such rigid standards.

"Once you are consciously aware that dating people who are your type doesn't equate to happiness, you can open your eyes that what is familiar is not necessarily good. Try not to judge people quickly but rather allow the relationship to grow and become more comfortable with change," says California-based psychologist Diane Strachowski, Ed.D.

You’re stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern. Another important reason why it’s in your best interest to date someone who isn’t your typical type is that it can help break a detrimental relationship pattern. In fact, you may not even realize that you’re dating the same kind of person over again, such as continually dating someone who can’t or won't commit, or whom you’re trying to fix. "That being said, if you’ve experienced a pattern of chaotic, deceitful, abusive, or uncaring dating experiences, then I would urge you to seek some guidance from a licensed mental health provider," says Curry. "A competent and qualified therapist can help you work through underlying issues that may be standing in the way of the relationship you want."

You’ll challenge your comfort zone. While scanning online profiles for a specific "look" has become a quick way to navigate through thousands of options, says Julie Ingenohl, a Glastonbury, Connecticut-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, "when we consistently opt for looks first, we miss out on the big picture. Who is this person? What are their strengths as a human being? What kind of heart do they have? Will they treat me right?" Ingenohl's suggestion, particularly with online dating is this: "Scan until you find someone who is not your typical type. Continue to look at their picture until you find one attractive feature, then click and read their profile. In this way, you can begin to retrain your brain on how it finds beauty."

You may not know who’s “right” for you. It's true: Your type may actually be wrong for you. While you may be looking to meet someone who shares all of your interests, has a similar background, and/or is just like you, it’s important to keep an open mind. The key to keeping an open mind, says Lear, is taking the time to analyze past relationships and look for similarities. For example, "Do I tend to be attracted to guys who come on really strong at first, and then ghost me in a few weeks? Do I keep chasing men who are more aloof and distant than I am?" offers Lear.

The Keys to a Satisfying Relationship

When it comes to relationship satisfaction, Curry references the work of psychologist Ty Tashiro, who identified personality traits that tend to be associated with it, including high levels of agreeableness (kind, tolerant), emotional stability, and lower levels of novelty-seeking. "While these traits may not sound as sexy as a combination of good looks, wealth, and adventurousness, Tashiro's research has shown that couples who rate their partners higher in the stable stuff have the strongest levels of intimacy and sexual satisfaction," says Curry. Similarly, psychologists John and Julie Gottman have researched couples for more than five decades to learn that intimacy and sexual satisfaction are strengthened when partners are attuned to each other's needs, says Curry.

It may also be helpful to understand your attachment style. Referring to the work of Sue Johnson and attachment theory, Games says, "People who approach relationships from a secure based [attachment] believe that they are deserving of love and that they will find love." What does this look like? Says Games, "They communicate their needs and wants clearly. They are transparent about their dealbreakers and tackle red flags head-on. They also give their partner the benefit of the doubt and extend [them] grace." Additionally, people with a secure attachment style know how to balance their lives as a couple and their own life outside of the relationship, says Games.

The 6 Essential Rules of Dating

Term in popular psychology

For other uses, see Nice Guy (disambiguation).

"Nice guy" is an informal term, commonly used with either a literal or a sarcastic meaning, for a man (often a young adult).

In the literal sense, the term describes a man who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable.^[1] The term is used both positively and negatively.^[2] When used positively, and particularly when used as a preference or description by someone else, it is intended to imply a man who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, provides emotional support, tries to stay out of trouble, and generally acts nicely towards others.^[3] In the context of a relationship, it may also refer to traits of honesty, loyalty, romanticism, courtesy, and respect.

When used negatively, a nice guy implies a man who is unassertive or otherwise "non-masculine". The opposite of a genuine "nice guy" is commonly described as a "jerk", a term for a mean, selfish and uncaring person. A man is labeled a “jerk” on how he treats his partner, seen as the extreme case where he would not have a sensitive or kind side and is seen as a “macho man” and insensitive type.^[4]

However, the term is also often used sarcastically, particularly in the context of dating,^[1] to describe someone who believes himself to possess genuine "nice guy" characteristics, even though he actually does not, and who uses acts of friendship and basic social etiquette with the ulterior aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship.^[5][6]

There is also a new construct that is where this is known as the "Nice Guy Syndrome". This is when these men who act nice, gentle, and respectful expect that they are entitled to women because they are the "nice guy." These nice deeds are performed by these "nice guys" in an attempt to please women into a relationship.

Research on female preferences[edit]

"Nice guy" construct[edit]

In their qualitative analysis, Herold and Milhausen^[7] found that women associate different qualities with the "nice guy" label: "Some women offered flattering interpretations of the 'nice guy', characterizing him as committed, caring, and respectful of women. Some women, however, emphasized more negative aspects, considering the 'nice guy' to be boring, lacking confidence, and unattractive."^[8] The "bad boys" were also divided into two categories, "as either confident, attractive, sexy, and exciting or as manipulative, unfaithful, disrespectful of women, and interested only in sex." This distinction helped further the understanding of why women might prefer "nice guys" or "not-nice guys". Women were also asked for their preferences and what values they may look in each relationship, such as attractiveness, and sexual desires in short- and long-term relationships.^{[further explanation needed][8]}

Nice guys are sometimes suggested to be overbearing or lacking in vision and ambitions; these opinions suggest self-confidence as a key point and area of improvement. Often these ideas and views of a certain nice guy can contribute to a woman's willingness to pursue a romantic relationship.^[9]

Researchers have therefore operationalized the "nice guy" and "jerk" constructs in different ways, some of which are outlined below.^[1]

Results of research[edit]

Various studies explicitly try to elucidate the success, or lack thereof, of "nice guys" with women.^{[1][7][10][11]}

Jensen-Campbell et al. (1995) operationalized "niceness" as prosocial behavior, which included agreeableness and altruism. They found that female attraction was a result of an interaction of both dominance and prosocial tendency. They suggest that altruism may be attractive to women when it is perceived as a form of agentic behavior.

Nice guys are usually seen as twice as attractive as men who present themselves as neutral, and eight times more attractive than the "jerks" in a dating profile. Social dominance enhances female attraction to a male who has shown in the relationship niceness, traits of kindness and warmth stated by women looking for long-term relationships, and less status and physical attractiveness.^[12]

Sprecher and Regan (2002) found kindness, warmth, expressiveness, openness, and humor as desirable traits of a long-term partner. Social status indicators, such as future earning potential (wealth), were not viewed as more desirable traits when compared to the previous traits. Participants suggested they wanted more humor, expressiveness and warmth from their partner than is expressed with their friends.^[13]

Herold and Milhausen (1998) found that women are more likely to report wanting a nice guy but do not choose them in their real dating life. They also found that women perceived nice guys as having less sexual partners in general but perceived them as more eligible for dating. Women claim to prefer to date people who have less sexual experience. A third of the women, however, had reported dating multiple partners that had had more sexual experience than them. There was a dichotomist relationship between a woman’s perception of what a nice guy is and does and whether or not he “finishes last,” as the common adage states. If a woman believes that a nice guy is kind and respectful to women then they will say that he does not finish last. If the nice guy is perceived as being passive or unattractive then they will say that he does finish last.^[14]

Urbaniak and Killman (2003) constructed vignettes of four hypothetical dating show contestants: "Nice Todd" vs. "Neutral Todd" vs. "Jerk Todd" vs. "Michael", who was created to be a control. "Nice Todd" described a "real man" as "in touch with his feelings," kind and attentive, non-macho, and interested in putting his partner's pleasure first. "Neutral Todd" described a "real man" as someone who "knows what he wants and knows how to get it," and who is good to the woman he loves. "Jerk Todd" described a "real man" as someone who "knows what he wants and knows how to get it," who keeps everyone else on their toes, and avoids "touch-feely" stuff. "Michael" described a "real man" as relaxed and positive. In two studies, Urbaniak and Kilmann found that women claimed to prefer "Nice Todd" over "Neutral Todd" and "Jerk Todd," relative to "Michael" even at differing levels of physical attractiveness. They also found that for purely sexual relationships, "niceness appeared relatively less influential than physical attractiveness." After acknowledging that women's preference for "niceness" could be inflated by the social desirability bias, especially due to their use of verbal scripts, they conclude that "our overall results did not favor the nice guy stereotype; instead, our results suggested that women’s attitudes (as expressed in previous studies) do, in fact, generally match their behaviors. Niceness was a robust, positive factor in women’s choices of a dating partner and in how desirable they rated Todd."^[15]

McDaniel (2005) constructed vignettes of dates with a stereotypical "nice guy" vs. a stereotypical "fun/sexy guy," and attempted to make them both sound positive. Questionnaires were offered to a group of women in which they were presented with two scenarios, one involving the nice guy and the other involving the fun/sexy guy. The two variables being measured were the women’s likelihood of picking a nice guy versus a fun/sexy guy, and their reasons for so doing. It was found that there was a stronger correlation between a woman’s perceived positive traits in the man than in her goals for the dating relationship, both of which were measured in the questionnaire. The two traits that predicted likelihood for wanting to pursue a relationship were physical attractiveness and niceness/sweetness. However, if a man was perceived to be nice/sweet but was not found physically attractive it hurt his chances of a romantic relationship even more. In the study there was no way to directly measure the physical attractiveness of the men with whom they were presented; they only had information with which they could draw conclusions. Because they could not see the men and only had information to use, McDaniel found that this may suggest that women romanticize the idea of a nice/sweet guy, but often do not choose him because in reality he is likely to be less attractive than a so-called “jerk.”^[16]

A 2008 study at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces showed that "nice guys" report having significantly fewer sexual partners than "bad boys."^[17][18]

Barclay (2010) found that when all other factors are held constant, guys who perform generous acts are rated as more desirable for dates and long-term relationships than non-generous guys. This study used a series of matched descriptions where each male was presented in a generous or a control version which differed only in whether the man tended to help others. The author suggests that niceness itself is desirable to women, but tends to be used by men who are less attractive in other domains, and this is what creates the appearance of "nice guys finish last."^[19]

Judge et al (2011) concluded that "Nice guys do not necessarily finish last, but they do finish a distant second in terms of earnings ... yet, seen from the perspective of gender equity, even the nice guys seem to be making out quite well relative to either agreeable or disagreeable women."^[20]

Sadalla, Kenrick, and Vershure (1985) found that women were sexually attracted to dominance in men (though dominance did not make men likable to women), and that dominance in women had no effect on men. This may further suggest that the nice guy myth is one of sexual preference, and not of dating preference. Women appear in practically all studies to be accepting of romantic relationships with nice guys but are less likely to consider them casual sexual partners.

^[21]

Bogaert and Fisher (1995) studied the relationships between the personalities of university men and their number of sexual partners. They found a correlation between a man's number of sexual partners, and the traits of sensation-seeking, hypermasculinity, physical attractiveness, and testosterone levels. They also discovered a correlation between maximum monthly number of partners, and the traits of dominance and psychoticism. Bogaert and Fisher suggest that an underlying construct labelled "disinhibition" could be used to explain most of these differences. They suggest that disinhibition would correlate negatively with "agreeableness" and "conscientiousness" from the Big Five personality model.^[22]

Botwin, Buss and Shackelford (1997) found that women had a higher preference for surgency and dominance in their mates than men did, in a study of dating couples and newlyweds.^[23]

Ahmetoglu and Swami (2012) found that men were rated to be more attractive if women perceived them as more dominant, represented in the study by open body posture and gesticulation.^[24]

Other viewpoints[edit]

The "nice guys finish last" view[edit]

A common aphorism is that "nice guys finish last."^[10] The phrase is based on a quote by Brooklyn Dodgers manager Leo Durocher in 1946, which was then condensed by journalists.^[25][26] The original quote by Durocher was, "The nice guys are all over there, in seventh place" (6 July 1946),^[25][27] when referring to the 1946 New York Giants, who were the Dodger's rivals. The seventh place that Durocher was referring to was actually second-to-last place in the National League; many variants appear in later works,^[28] including Durocher's autobiography, Nice Guys Finish Last.^[29] The Giants would finish the 1946 season in the National League cellar, while Durocher's Dodgers would end up in second place.^[30]

Simplistically, the term "nice guy" could be an adjectival phrase describing what appears to be a friendly, kind, or courteous man. The "nice guys finish last" phrase is also said to be coined by American biologist Garrett Hardin to sum up the selfish gene theory of life and evolution. This was disputed by Richard Dawkins, who wrote the book The Selfish Gene. Dawkins was misinterpreted by many as confirming the "nice guy finishing last" view, but refuted the claims in the BBC documentary Nice Guys Finish First.^[31]

The "nice guys finish last" view is that there is a discrepancy between women's stated preferences and their actual choices in men. In other words, women say that they want nice guys, but really go for men who are "jerks" or "bad boys" in the end. This may lead to men’s discouragement in attempting to have casual sexual relationships with women and also in their pursuit of romantic relationships. Stephan Desrochers claims, in a 1995 article in the journal Sex Roles, that many "sensitive" men, based on their own personal experience, do not believe women actually want "nice guys." Because of this belief, men are less likely to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman if they perceive themselves as nice guys. If they do not believe that women will be sexually or romantically attracted to them because of their more feminine or “nice” traits, then they will likely be concerned, possibly another trait that leads to women’s preference for jerks. In other words, men who are more confident and worry less if they are being perceived a certain way are more likely to have a romantic or casual sexual relationship with a woman of their choice.^[32]

According to McDaniel, popular culture and dating advice "...suggest that women claim they want a 'nice guy' because they believe that is what is expected of them when, in reality, they want the so-called 'challenge' that comes with dating a not-so-nice guy."^[1]

Urbaniak & Kilmann write that:

"Although women often portray themselves as wanting to date kind, sensitive, and emotionally expressive men, the nice guy stereotype contends that, when actually presented with a choice between such a 'nice guy' and an unkind, insensitive, emotionally-closed, 'macho man' or 'jerk,' they invariably reject the nice guy in favor of his 'so-called' macho competitor."^[10]

Another perspective is that women do want "nice guys," at least when they are looking for a romantic relationship. Desrochers (1995) suggests that "it still seems popular to believe that women in contemporary America prefer men who are 'sensitive,' or have feminine personality traits." In a study done by Ahmetoglu and Swami (2012) it was found that women were more sexually attracted to men who had more dominant behaviors compared to men who were more closed off.^[33]

Herold and Milhausen^[34] found that 56% of 165 university women claimed to agree with the statement: "You may have heard the expression, 'Nice guys finish last.' In terms of dating, and sex, do you think women are less likely to have sex with men who are 'nice' than men who are 'not nice'?" A third view is that while "nice guys" may not be as successful at attracting women sexually, they may be sought after by women looking for long-term romantic relationships (however, "nice guys need not lose all hope, with studies showing that while women like 'bad boys' for flings, they tend to settle down with more caring types." The "bad boys" tending to exhibit the dark triad, i.e., "the self-obsession of narcissism, the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behavior of the psychopath and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism." It is a possibility that women leave to escape their circumstances of abuse, disease, or pregnancy to seek a chance with the nice guy (they rejected previously), afterwards.^[35]

Herold and Milhausen claim: "While 'nice guys' may not be competitive in terms of numbers of sexual partners, they tend to be more successful with respect to longer-term, committed relationships." This is due to the ‘nice guys’ generally denote an interest in long-term relationships rather than the concept that a ‘jerk’ is only around to have sexual partners and will move on sooner for their lack of interest in long-term relationships.^[34]

Another study indicates that "for brief affairs, women tend to prefer a dominating, powerful and promiscuous man." Further evidence appears in a 2005 study in Prague: "Since women can always get a man for a one-night stand, they gain an advantage if they find partners for child-rearing."^[36]

"Nice Guy" syndrome[edit]

The terms "Nice Guy" and "nice guy syndrome" can be used sarcastically to describe a man who views himself as a prototypical "nice guy," but whose "nice deeds" are deemed to be solely motivated by a desire to court women. From said courting, the 'nice guy' may hope to form a romantic relationship or may be motivated by a simple desire to increase his sexual activity. The results of failure are often resentment toward women and/or society. The 'nice guy' is commonly said to be put by women "into the friend zone" who do not reciprocate his romantic or sexual interest. These men believe in this motive because of the societal roles that say women belong to them. A reasoning behind this can be because women are sexualized in video games, television, and movies. Third wave feminist interpretations tend to see this resentment as being based upon an assumption by men that they are entitled to sex and are therefore confused when they find that it is not forthcoming despite their supposed 'niceness.'^[37] More male orientated interpretations claim that the resentment is down to the fact that society, and the vast majority of people in spoken conversation, claim to be attracted to traits such as honesty, integrity and kindness, when in reality more superficial considerations trigger attraction. According to this interpretation people who display wealth, good looks, dominance and confidence tend to succeed more in romance than do 'nice guys.' Nice guys are therefore resentful at the inconsistency between what people claim to be attracted to and by how they act in reality.^[38][39] At times, these men are also known by the term "white knight."

In early 2002, the web site Heartless Bitches International (HBI)^[40] published several "rants" on the concept of the Nice Guy. The central theme was that a genuinely nice male is desirable, but that many Nice Guys are insecure men unwilling to articulate their romantic or sexual feelings directly. Instead, they choose to present themselves as their paramour's friend, and hang around, doing nice things for her in hopes that she will pick up on their desire for her. If she fails to read their secret feelings, Nice Guys become embittered and blame her for taking advantage of them and their niceness. The site is particularly critical of what they see as hypocrisy and manipulation on the part of self-professed Nice Guys.^[41][42]

According to journalist Paris Martineau, the incel and red pill movements (part of the anti-feministmanosphere) recruit depressed, frustrated men – who may suffer from "Nice Guy syndrome" – into the alt-right.^[43]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

Men are often swayed away by the beauty. We can't be blamed for going bonkers when we see beautiful women and we can't be blamed for being superficial when it comes to beauty. Our brains are hardwired like that- and we become extremely fragile when we see beautiful women. Many of us find partners who are visually satisfying and if we are able to attract them we overlook a lot of other characteristics.

We have also learned that dating a beautiful woman can make us struggle a lot and trust us, it's not easy guys! She is not easy to deal with and for a beautiful face, we sacrifice a lot! Though that's our personal choice still who should we blame? Also, we rarely find couples who look great together or are as good looking as each other, we often come across couples who are a notch or two above or below each other. We are stuck in a position as an outsider to comment that one of them could have done better because they are better looking than the other.But when you're stuck in such a position, you'll know!

So, here are 10 ways we blow it when dating a 10.

1) You may stay with her for the wrong reasons

© Excel Entertainment

You may become blinded by her looks that you overlook (no pun intended) any serious personality flaws that she may have. You will find yourself justifying the fact that she is an egomaniac or unfaithful, for example, just so you can stay with her. Now, with all these points, we're by no means saying that men should avoid dating very beautiful women. The message here is to beware your worst instincts when venturing into this type of situation. Your vulnerabilities will be more exposed than ever.

2) Her ego could be a problem

© PVR Pictures

The world does a great job of constantly reminding hot women how hot they are. Yes, she's heard it before. She's been hearing about it since she was 18 (and probably before) relentlessly. This can have any number of effects on a woman, but one effect is that she might have an inflated ego. You may not realize it until you're into your relationship, but there's no mistaking someone who is totally certain she's got everyone around her -- including you -- beat.

3) You'll be insecure

© Eros International

How about we add a dash of insecurity to the stew of bad character while we're at it? Nothing is less attractive to women than insecurity in men, so this may well be the death knell for your relationship. Not sure she's into you? Great, that probably means your behavior is going to create the conditions of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

4) You'll have trouble trusting her

© Twitter

This is no reflection on her -- this one's all you, buddy. She may be honest to a fault, but you're more likely to struggle with trust issues if she's a stunner. If you haven't picked up on this, every single one of your lesser qualities could potentially be on display here. Jealousy, second-guessing -- isn't this the stuff that we're always complaining about when it comes to our girlfriends? Well, the tables may well turn for you.

5) You'll be easily manipulated

© Twitter

Uneven power dynamics plague almost every relationship at some point, but especially relationships like these. It's one thing to try to please her, but do you ever say no? At first being the indulgent boyfriend will feel like the right thing to do, but ultimately it leads to resentment.

6) People will assume that she wants you for your money

© Imgur

While men are trying to pick their tongues up from off the floor and women are looking for flaw of hers to dwell on, they will invariably start to talk about her and the guy she's with (that's you). Unfortunately, the first thing they will likely assume is that you're loaded. It doesn't matter whether or not this is actually the case; people love to gossip.

7) No one will notice you in her presence

© Excel Entertainment

For some guys, this is a perk, not a pitfall. But it's a fact of life nonetheless -- people won't notice you beside her. You'll fade into the background behind her glow. Worst-case scenario: People will wonder what she's doing with a regular guy like you.

8) You'll become jealous and possessive

© Reuters

Guys with sterling self-esteem, maybe this doesn't apply to you. But all of us have a little jealousy lurking within, and if you never encountered it before, you probably will once you're dating a very beautiful woman.

9) You'll fight with guys you don't even know

© Twitter

Sometimes you might even be in the vicinity of one such attempt on the part of another man. If you're like a lot of guys, it can be hard to ignore a guy paying unwanted attention to your female companion. And depending on the character of this guy, things can escalate. Who needs that kind of stress?

10) You hear the phrase, “What did she see in you”, very often

© Twitter

People say what they have to and you can keep on ignoring it but people say this a lot to you that what did you do to get her or you don't deserve her or she'd eventually go. And you shun them by saying, you're a lot more than just good looks' and they'll just laugh at you.This annoys you but you're dealing with it!

11) You'll worry about other guys trying to sleep with her

Thinking back to how quickly you tried to get her number, can you even blame them? It doesn't matter how much trust you have between you. There's something irksome about knowing that basically everywhere she goes, guys will be coming up with excuses to talk to her.

This past weekend my buddy and I were at happy hour chatting with a woman at the bar. I was impressed by how interesting she was, and particularly astounded by the following three things:

Helter Skelter, the story of the 1969 Charles Manson murders. Most women I know call me weird for reading it, but the woman at the bar had read the book.

my recent argument with my friend over Lady Gaga in which she called me "close-minded."

It was one of the best conversations I've had with a woman lately, but there was no physical spark. For me, the physical spark is either there or not in the beginning, and never develops over time. So, my buddy and I left the bar lamenting that she was "so cool," but "not hot."

It reminded me of a phenomenon I encounter in my dating life:

Whenever I meet a girl I enjoy talking to, she's not physically attractive. Whenever I meet a physically attractive girl, she's not fun to talk to.

I've come up with a couple of questions to try to understand this:

Can cute girls talk about "boy stuff"?

OK, maybe my "boy stuff" is weird: horror movies, serial killers, porn (I admit I should leave that one out of conversation). But I also make an effort to be able to talk about stuff my guy friends don't talk about, like cooking, pop culture, fashion. I guess it's tough to find a hot girl who can not only handle my weird "boy" subjects but keep up and contribute.

Are good-looking people enabled to get by without having a great personality?

Many women I know have the following boyfriend in their ex-files:

"He was so hot but he had nothing to say. I got bored with him after a while."

I believe most people have the capacity to learn and develop their mind. But maybe hot people don't have to try too hard to get what they want. In other words, someone like me who is not confident in his looks better have a darn good personality. I can't walk into a room and just look good. Hot people can, and maybe they don't have as much need to develop their personality.

I may be shallow because I only date women who are physically attractive to me, but I don't particularly enjoy making out with a hot girl who has no personality. It's an empty experience based on aesthetic pleasure without mental/spiritual connection. Hot people should have to prove they have a great personalities — even the hottest girl would get boring after a while if she had no personality.

Should we expect our significant other's personality to turn our world upside down (in a good way)?

It seems like most men look for a woman to help them "feel like a man," and women look for men to help them feel beautiful. Lately, I've been looking for a woman for a different reason: I'd like to find a woman who enlightens me.

Most people find enlightenment in museums, music, books, movies. Perhaps the majority of people are not looking for their significant other to do so. Personally, I'd love to be enlightened by a woman.

My friend told me that I'd eventually find someone interesting AND cute but "you can never get everything just right." That discouraged me.

When I told that same friend I intended to take the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre over to a girl's house for a movie night, my friend told me: "She's not going to appreciate it the way you appreciate it. She would be freaked out."

Me: "So, she wouldn't buy into my observation that the movie has incredible pacing?"

My friend: "She wouldn't know what pacing is. There are certain things you just shouldn't discuss with certain girls."

I guess I need to pick up Titanic or Sex and the City for a movie night, but boy would I be bored.

Maybe I'm looking for a challenging woman who fills in little blanks/voids in my mind and life. It sure is tough to find a pretty girl who can do that.

What are your thoughts on my argument above? Do you agree with my philosophies, and do you run into similar problems in the dating world?

Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

This past weekend my buddy and I were at happy hour chatting with a woman at the bar. I was impressed by how interesting she was, and particularly astounded by the following three things:

Helter Skelter, the story of the 1969 Charles Manson murders. Most women I know call me weird for reading it, but the woman at the bar had read the book.

my recent argument with my friend over Lady Gaga in which she called me "close-minded."

It was one of the best conversations I've had with a woman lately, but there was no physical spark. For me, the physical spark is either there or not in the beginning, and never develops over time, dating a hot girl with no personality. So, my buddy and I left the bar lamenting that she was "so cool," but "not hot."

It reminded me of a phenomenon I encounter in my dating life:

Whenever I meet a girl I enjoy talking to, she's not physically attractive. Whenever I meet a physically attractive girl, she's not fun to talk to.

I've come up with a couple of questions to try to understand this:

Can cute girls talk about "boy stuff"?

OK, maybe my "boy stuff" is weird: horror movies, serial killers, porn (I admit I should leave that one out of conversation). But I also make an effort to be able to talk about stuff my guy friends don't talk about, like cooking, pop culture, fashion. I guess it's tough to find a hot girl who can not only handle my weird "boy" subjects but keep up and contribute.

Are good-looking people enabled to get by without having a great personality?

Many women I know have the following boyfriend in their ex-files:

"He was so hot but he had nothing to say. I got bored with him after a while."

I believe most people have the capacity to learn and develop their mind. But maybe hot people don't have to try too hard to get what they want. In other words, someone like me who is not confident in his looks better have a darn good personality. I can't walk into a room and just look good. Hot people can, and maybe they don't have as much need to dating a hot girl with no personality their personality.

I may be shallow because I only date women catholics online free dating site are catholic dating websites free attractive to me, but I don't particularly enjoy making out with a hot girl who has no personality. It's an empty experience based on aesthetic pleasure without mental/spiritual connection. Hot people should have to prove they have a great personalities — even the hottest girl would get boring after a while if she had no personality.

Should we expect our significant other's personality to turn our world upside down (in a good way)?

It seems like most men look for a woman to help them "feel like a man," and women look for men to help them feel beautiful. Lately, I've been looking for a woman for a different reason: I'd like to find a woman who enlightens me.

Most people find enlightenment in museums, music, books, movies. Perhaps the majority of people are not looking for their significant other to do so. Personally, Dating a hot girl with no personality love to be enlightened by a woman.

My friend told me that I'd eventually find someone interesting AND cute but "you can black women left out dating race get everything just right." That discouraged me.

When I told that same friend I intended to take the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre over to a girl's house for a movie night, my friend told me: "She's not going to appreciate it the way you appreciate it. She would be freaked out."

Me: "So, she wouldn't buy into my observation that the movie has incredible pacing?"

My friend: "She wouldn't know what pacing is. There are certain things you just shouldn't discuss with certain girls."

I guess I need to pick up Titanic or Sex and the City for a movie night, but boy would I be bored.

Maybe I'm looking for a challenging woman who fills in little blanks/voids in my mind and life. It sure is tough to find a pretty girl who can do that.

What are your thoughts on my argument above? Do you agree with my philosophies, and do you run into similar problems in the dating world?

Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

When you're in the dating world, it’s not uncommon to be drawn to a certain “type” of person. Maybe you’re interested in a dating a hot girl with no personality type, such as people who are taller than you or brunettes with curly hair. Or perhaps you gravitate toward a certain personality type like someone who is more reserved than extroverted, with hobbies and interests that most closely align with your own. After all, being selective has never been easier with the abundance of dating apps and websites at our disposal—many of which allow filtering by lifestyle and physical trails.

But whatever your preferences have been up to this point, you may want to reconsider your screening prerequisites and recognize that dating someone who isn’t your typical type can be quite beneficial. In fact, experts say it can be the key to developing a meaningful, fulfilling relationship.

Ahead, we breakdown why we seem to press repeat when it comes to relationships, and five reasons mental health professionals say you should consider breaking that pattern and dating people who aren't your type.

Why Do We Date the Same Type?

According to experts, there are many layers that make up the reasons why we're drawn to a specific type. From the evolutionary perspective, for example, pairing up was a means for survival as opposed to seeking love and attraction, explains Dr. Shannon Curry, a clinical psychologist and Director of Curry Psychology Group in Newport Beach, California. "In the early days of human existence, life was short and brutal. Those who chose male partners who were healthy, strong, and capable of providing protection and access to resources were more likely to survive." And those who selected female partners who were healthy and fertile (plush lips, symmetrical face) were more likely to continue their genetic lineage, Curry adds.

Then, there's an individual's personal history to consider. "We also tend to choose partners based on our early experiences with parents or other primary caregivers," adds Curry. These formative interactions inform our sense of self-worth and expectations for others' behavior that carry over into adulthood, says Curry. Genesis Games, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Miami, adds that these important people "can be biological parents, step-parents, dating a hot girl with no personality, grandparents, older siblings, aunts, uncles, and even nannies. The absence of one of these adults can also leave a mark and influence our 'type.'"

For example, if we grow up experiencing comfort and affection, "we learn that we are worthy of love and that we can expect others to treat us with care and kindness," says Curry. On the other hand, if we were surrounded by pain and fear, we may view this as normal, too. That said, dating a hot girl with no personality, from a neurological perspective, our brain loves shortcuts. It's human instinct to "seek out patterns and operate according to them," says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist, and dating a scorpio girl of Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today.

And finally, "We probably end up dating similar kinds of people because we do have a type, because we attract a certain type of person, and because we just happen to be in situations where we encounter a certain type of person more frequently," writes Dating a hot girl with no personality Seidman, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology and chair of the psychology department at Albright College.

Why Is It Important to Break the Cycle?

Dating a "type" is limiting. If you only date a certain type of person, you limit the number of people who could potentially be right for you. And while you shouldn’t lower your standards or feel like you’re settling, you should open your mind and give other people a chance—even though they don’t necessarily fall into your usual dating category. After all, you simply don’t know who you’re going to mesh with, and that’s true for people who are your type or not. "Statistically speaking, if we reduce the dating pool to singles who meet strict physical and monetary criteria, our odds of meeting someone who also possesses the personality traits that are conducive to lasting happiness significantly decrease," says Curry.

You’re prematurely judging someone. Along dating chat lines free trials lines, if you only date people you consider to be your ideal type, you’re passing judgment on them before taking the time to get to know them, which is especially easy to do with online dating. And in today's app and online dating world where the information provided by a potential match can be sparse, you may be missing out on meeting someone truly great by evaluating them under such rigid standards.

"Once you are consciously aware that dating people who are your type doesn't equate to happiness, you can open your eyes that what is familiar is not necessarily good. Try not to judge people quickly but rather allow the relationship to grow and become more comfortable with change," says California-based psychologist Diane Strachowski, Ed.D.

You’re stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern. Another important reason why it’s in your best interest to date someone who isn’t your typical type is that it can help break a detrimental relationship pattern, dating a hot girl with no personality. In fact, you may not even realize that dating a hot girl with no personality dating the same kind of person over again, such as continually dating someone who can’t or won't commit, or whom you’re trying to fix. "That being said, if you’ve experienced a pattern of chaotic, deceitful, abusive, or uncaring dating experiences, then I would urge you to seek some guidance from a licensed mental health provider," says Curry. "A competent and qualified therapist can help you work through underlying issues that may be standing in the way of the relationship you want."

You’ll challenge your comfort zone. While scanning online profiles for a specific "look" has become a quick way to navigate through thousands of options, says Julie Ingenohl, a Glastonbury, Connecticut-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, "when we consistently opt for looks first, we miss out dating a hot girl with no personality the big picture. Who is this person? What are their strengths as a human being? What kind of heart do they have? Will they treat me right?" Ingenohl's suggestion, particularly with online dating is this: "Scan until you find someone who is not your typical type. Continue to look at their picture until you find one attractive feature, dating a hot girl with no personality, then click and read their profile. In this way, you can begin to retrain your brain on how it finds beauty."

You may not know who’s “right” for you. It's true: Your type may actually be wrong for you. While you may be looking to meet someone who free latest dating site in usa all of your interests, has a similar background, and/or is just like you, it’s important to keep an open mind. The key to keeping an open mind, dating a hot girl with no personality, says Lear, is dating a hot girl with no personality the time to analyze past relationships and look for similarities. For example, "Do I tend to be attracted to guys who come on really strong at dating a hot girl with no personality, and then ghost me in a few weeks? Do I keep chasing men who are more aloof and distant than I am?" offers Lear.

The Keys to a Satisfying Relationship

When it comes to relationship satisfaction, Curry references the work of psychologist Ty Tashiro, who identified personality traits that tend to be associated with it, including high levels of agreeableness (kind, tolerant), emotional stability, and lower levels of novelty-seeking. "While these traits may not sound as sexy as a combination of good looks, wealth, and adventurousness, Tashiro's research has shown that couples who rate their partners higher in the stable stuff have the strongest levels of intimacy and sexual satisfaction," says Curry. Similarly, psychologists John and Julie Gottman have researched couples for more than five decades to learn that intimacy and sexual satisfaction are strengthened when partners are attuned to each other's needs, says Curry.

It may also be helpful to understand your attachment style. Referring to the work of Sue Johnson and attachment theory, Games says, "People who approach relationships from a secure based [attachment] believe that they are deserving of love and that they will find love." What does this look like? Says Games, "They communicate their needs and wants clearly. They are transparent about their dealbreakers and tackle red flags head-on. They also give their partner the benefit of the doubt and extend [them] grace." Additionally, people with a secure attachment style know dating as a black male to balance their lives as a couple and their own life outside of the relationship, says Games.

The 6 Essential Rules of Dating

Term in popular psychology

For other uses, see Nice Guy (disambiguation).

"Nice guy" is an informal term, commonly used with either a literal or a sarcastic meaning, for a man (often a young adult).

In the literal sense, the term describes a man who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable.^[1] The term is used both positively and negatively.^[2] When used positively, and particularly when used as a preference or description by someone else, it is intended to imply a man who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, provides emotional support, tries to stay out of trouble, and generally acts nicely towards others.^[3] In the context of a relationship, it may also refer to traits of honesty, loyalty, romanticism, courtesy, and respect.

When used negatively, a nice guy implies a man who is unassertive or otherwise "non-masculine". The opposite of a genuine "nice guy" is commonly described as a "jerk", a term for a mean, selfish and uncaring person. A man paypal friendly dating sites labeled a “jerk” on how he treats his partner, seen as the extreme case where he would not have a sensitive or kind side and is seen as a “macho man” and insensitive type.^[4]

However, the term is also often used sarcastically, particularly in the context of dating,^[1] to describe someone who believes himself to possess genuine "nice guy" characteristics, even though he actually does not, and who uses acts of friendship and basic social etiquette with the ulterior aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship.^[5][6]

There is also a new construct that is where this is known as the "Nice Guy Syndrome". This is when these men who act nice, gentle, and respectful expect that they are entitled to women because they are the "nice guy." These nice deeds are performed by these "nice guys" in an attempt to please women into a relationship.

Research on female preferences[edit]

"Nice guy" construct[edit]

In their qualitative analysis, Herold and Milhausen^[7] found that women associate different qualities with the "nice guy" label: "Some women offered flattering interpretations of the 'nice guy', characterizing him as committed, caring, and respectful of women. Some women, however, emphasized more negative aspects, considering the 'nice guy' to be boring, lacking confidence, dating a hot girl with no personality, and unattractive."^[8] The "bad boys" were also divided into two categories, "as either confident, attractive, sexy, and exciting or as manipulative, unfaithful, disrespectful of women, and interested only in sex." This distinction helped further the understanding of why women might prefer "nice guys" or "not-nice guys". Women were also asked for their preferences and what values they may look in each relationship, such as attractiveness, and sexual desires in short- and long-term relationships.^{[further explanation needed][8]}

Nice guys are sometimes suggested to be overbearing or lacking in vision and ambitions; these opinions suggest self-confidence as a key point and area of improvement. Often these ideas and views of a certain nice guy can contribute to a woman's willingness to pursue a romantic relationship.^[9]

Researchers have therefore operationalized the "nice guy" and "jerk" constructs in different ways, some of which are outlined below.^[1]

Results of research[edit]

Various studies explicitly try to elucidate the success, or lack thereof, of "nice guys" with women.^{[1][7][10][11]}

Jensen-Campbell et al. (1995) operationalized "niceness" as prosocial behavior, which included agreeableness and altruism. They found that female attraction was a result of an interaction of dating site in switzerland dominance and prosocial tendency. They suggest that altruism may be attractive to women when it is perceived as a form of agentic behavior.

Nice guys are usually seen as twice as attractive as men who present themselves as neutral, and eight times more attractive than the "jerks" in a dating profile. Social dominance enhances female attraction to a male who has shown in the relationship niceness, traits of kindness and warmth stated by women looking for long-term relationships, and less status and physical attractiveness.^[12]

Sprecher and Regan (2002) found kindness, warmth, expressiveness, openness, and humor as desirable traits of a long-term partner. Social status indicators, such as future earning potential (wealth), were not viewed as more desirable traits when compared to the previous traits. Participants suggested they wanted more humor, expressiveness and warmth from their partner than is expressed with their friends.^[13]

Herold and Milhausen (1998) found that women are more likely to report wanting a nice guy but do not choose them in their real dating life. They also found that women perceived nice guys as having less sexual partners in general but perceived them as more eligible for dating. Women claim to prefer to date people who have less sexual experience. A third of the women, however, had reported dating multiple partners that had had more sexual experience than them. There was a dichotomist relationship between a woman’s perception of what a nice guy is and does and whether or not he “finishes last,” as the common adage states. If a woman believes that a nice guy is kind and respectful to women then they will say that he does not finish last. If the nice guy is perceived as being passive or unattractive then they will say that he does finish last.^[14]

Urbaniak and Killman (2003) constructed vignettes of four hypothetical dating show contestants: "Nice Todd" vs. "Neutral Todd" vs. "Jerk Todd" vs. "Michael", who was created to be a control. "Nice Todd" described a "real man" as "in touch with his feelings," kind and attentive, non-macho, and interested in putting his partner's pleasure first. "Neutral Todd" described a "real man" as someone who "knows what he wants and knows how to get it," and who is good to the woman he loves. "Jerk Todd" described a "real man" as someone who "knows what he wants and knows how dating a hot girl with no personality get it," who keeps everyone else on their toes, and avoids "touch-feely" stuff. "Michael" described a "real man" as relaxed and positive. In two studies, Urbaniak and Kilmann found that women claimed to prefer "Nice Todd" over "Neutral Todd" and "Jerk Todd," relative to "Michael" even at differing levels of physical attractiveness. They also found that for purely sexual relationships, "niceness appeared relatively less influential than physical attractiveness." After acknowledging that women's preference for "niceness" could be inflated by the social desirability bias, especially due to their use of verbal scripts, they conclude that "our overall results did not favor the nice guy stereotype; instead, our results suggested dating a hot girl with no personality women’s attitudes (as expressed in previous studies) do, in fact, generally match their behaviors. Niceness was a robust, positive dating a hot girl with no personality in women’s choices of a dating partner and in how desirable they rated Todd."^[15]

McDaniel (2005) constructed vignettes of dates dating a hot girl with no personality a stereotypical "nice guy" vs. a stereotypical "fun/sexy nerd dating sites and attempted to make them both sound positive. Questionnaires were offered to a group of women in which they were presented with two scenarios, one involving the nice guy and the other involving the fun/sexy guy. The two variables being measured were the women’s likelihood of picking a nice guy versus a fun/sexy guy, and their reasons for so doing. It was found that there was a stronger correlation between a woman’s perceived positive traits in the man than in her goals for the dating relationship, both of which were measured in the questionnaire. The two traits that predicted likelihood for wanting to pursue a relationship were physical attractiveness and niceness/sweetness, dating a hot girl with no personality. However, if a man was perceived to be nice/sweet but was not found physically attractive it hurt his chances of a romantic relationship even more. In the study there was no way to directly measure the physical attractiveness of the men with whom they were presented; they only had information with which they could draw conclusions. Because they could not see the men and only had information to use, McDaniel found that this may suggest that women romanticize the idea of a nice/sweet guy, but often do not choose him because in reality he is likely to be less attractive than a so-called “jerk.”^[16]

A 2008 study at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces showed that "nice guys" report having significantly fewer sexual partners than "bad boys."^[17][18]

Barclay (2010) found that when all other factors are held constant, guys who perform generous acts are rated as more desirable for dates and long-term relationships than non-generous guys. This study used a series of matched descriptions where each male was presented in a generous or a control version which differed only in whether the man tended to help others. The author suggests that niceness itself is desirable to women, but tends to be used by men who are less attractive in other domains, and this is what creates the appearance of "nice guys finish last."^[19]

Judge et al (2011) concluded that "Nice guys do not necessarily finish last, but they do finish a distant second in terms of earnings . yet, seen from the perspective of gender equity, even the nice guys seem to be making out quite well relative to either agreeable or disagreeable women."^[20]

Sadalla, Kenrick, dating a hot girl with no personality, and Vershure (1985) found that women were sexually attracted to dominance in men (though dominance did not make men likable to women), and that dominance in women had no effect on men. This may further suggest that the nice guy myth is one of sexual preference, and not of dating preference. Women appear in practically all studies to be accepting of romantic relationships with nice guys but are less likely to consider them casual sexual partners.

^[21]

Bogaert and Fisher (1995) studied the relationships between the personalities of university men and their number of sexual partners. They found a correlation between a man's number of sexual partners, and the browse dating site of sensation-seeking, hypermasculinity, physical attractiveness, and testosterone levels. They also discovered a correlation between maximum monthly number of partners, and the traits of dominance and psychoticism. Bogaert and Fisher suggest that an underlying construct labelled "disinhibition" could be used to explain most of these differences. They suggest that disinhibition would correlate negatively with "agreeableness" and "conscientiousness" from the Big Five personality model.^[22]

Botwin, Buss and Shackelford (1997) found that women had a higher preference dating a hot girl with no personality surgency and dominance in their mates than men did, in a study of dating couples and newlyweds.^[23]

Ahmetoglu and Swami (2012) found that men were rated to be more attractive if women perceived them dating a hot girl with no personality more dominant, represented in the study by open body posture and gesticulation.^[24]

Other viewpoints[edit]

The "nice guys finish last" view[edit]

A common aphorism is that "nice guys finish last."^[10] The phrase is based on a quote by Brooklyn Dodgers manager Leo Durocher in 1946, which was then condensed by journalists.^[25][26] The original quote by Durocher was, "The nice guys are all over there, in seventh place" (6 July 1946),^[25][27] when referring to the 1946 New York Giants, who were the Dodger's rivals. The seventh place that Durocher was referring to was actually second-to-last place in the National League; many variants appear in later works,^[28] including Durocher's autobiography, Nice Guys Finish Last.^[29] The Giants would finish the 1946 season in the National League cellar, while Durocher's Dodgers would end up in second place.^[30]

Simplistically, the term "nice guy" could be an adjectival phrase describing what appears to be a friendly, kind, or courteous man, dating a hot girl with no personality. The "nice guys finish last" phrase is also said to be coined by American biologist Garrett Hardin to sum up the selfish gene theory of life and evolution, dating a hot girl with no personality. This was disputed by Richard Dawkins, who wrote the book The Selfish Gene. Dawkins was misinterpreted by many as confirming the "nice guy finishing last" view, but refuted the claims in the BBC documentary Nice Guys Finish First.^[31]

The "nice guys finish last" view is that there is a discrepancy between women's stated preferences and their actual choices in men, dating a hot girl with no personality. In other words, women say that they want nice guys, dating a hot girl with no personality, but really go for men who are "jerks" or "bad boys" in the end. This may lead to men’s discouragement in attempting to have casual sexual relationships with women and also in their pursuit of romantic relationships. Stephan Desrochers claims, in a 1995 article in the journal Sex Roles, that many "sensitive" men, based on their own personal experience, do not believe women actually want "nice guys." Because of this belief, men are less likely to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman if they perceive themselves as nice guys. If they do not believe that women will be sexually or romantically attracted to them because of their more feminine or “nice” traits, then they will likely be concerned, possibly another trait that leads to women’s preference for jerks. In other words, men who are more confident and worry less if they are being perceived a certain way are more likely to have a romantic or casual sexual relationship with a woman of their choice.^[32]

According to McDaniel, popular culture and dating advice ".suggest that women claim they want a 'nice guy' because they believe that is what is expected of them when, in reality, they want the so-called 'challenge' that comes with dating a not-so-nice guy."^[1]

Urbaniak & Kilmann write that:

"Although women often portray themselves as wanting to date kind, sensitive, and emotionally expressive men, the nice guy stereotype contends that, when actually presented with a choice between such a 'nice guy' and an unkind, insensitive, emotionally-closed, 'macho man' or 'jerk,' they invariably reject the nice guy in favor of his 'so-called' macho competitor."^[10]

Another perspective is that women do want "nice guys," at least when they are looking for a romantic relationship. Desrochers (1995) suggests that "it still seems popular to believe that women in contemporary America prefer men who are 'sensitive,' or have feminine personality traits." In a study done by Ahmetoglu and Swami (2012) it was found that women were more sexually attracted to men who had more dominant behaviors compared to men who were more closed off.^[33]

Herold and Milhausen^[34] found that 56% of 165 university women claimed to agree with the statement: "You may have heard the expression, 'Nice guys finish last.' In terms of dating, and sex, do you think women are less likely to have sex with men who are 'nice' than men who are 'not nice'?" A third view is that while "nice guys" may not be as successful at attracting women sexually, they may be sought after by women dating a hot girl with no personality for long-term romantic relationships (however, "nice guys need not lose all hope, with studies showing that while women like 'bad boys' for flings, they tend to settle down with more caring types." The "bad boys" tending to exhibit the dark triad, i.e., "the self-obsession of narcissism, the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behavior of the psychopath and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism." It is a possibility that women leave to escape their circumstances of abuse, disease, dating a hot girl with no personality, or pregnancy to seek a chance with the nice guy (they rejected previously), afterwards.^[35]

Herold and Milhausen claim: "While 'nice guys' may not be competitive in terms of numbers of sexual partners, they tend to be more successful with respect to longer-term, committed relationships." This is due to the ‘nice guys’ generally denote an interest in long-term relationships free over 50 dating sites than the concept that a ‘jerk’ is only around to have sexual partners and will move on sooner for their lack of interest in long-term relationships.^[34]

Another study indicates that "for brief affairs, women tend to prefer a dominating, powerful and promiscuous man." Further evidence appears in a 2005 study in Prague: "Since women can always get a man for a one-night stand, they gain an advantage if they find partners for child-rearing."^[36]

"Nice Guy" syndrome[edit]

The terms "Nice Guy" and "nice guy syndrome" can be used sarcastically to describe a man who views himself as a prototypical "nice guy," but whose "nice deeds" are deemed to be solely motivated by a desire to court women. From said courting, the 'nice guy' may hope to form a romantic relationship or may be motivated by a simple desire to increase his sexual activity. The results of failure are often resentment toward women and/or society. The 'nice guy' is commonly said to be put by women "into the friend zone" who do not reciprocate his romantic or sexual interest. These men believe in this motive because of the societal roles that say women belong to them. A reasoning behind this can be because women are sexualized in video games, television, and movies. Third wave feminist interpretations tend to see this resentment as being based upon an assumption by men that they are entitled to sex and are therefore confused when they find that it is not forthcoming despite their supposed 'niceness.'^[37] More male orientated interpretations claim that the resentment is down to the fact that society, and the vast majority of people in spoken conversation, claim to be attracted to traits such as honesty, integrity and kindness, when in reality more superficial considerations trigger attraction. According to this interpretation people who display wealth, good looks, dominance and confidence tend to succeed more in romance than do 'nice guys.' Nice guys are therefore resentful at the inconsistency between what people claim to be attracted to and by how they act in reality.^[38][39] At times, these men are also known by the term "white knight."

In early 2002, the web site Heartless Bitches International (HBI)^[40] published several "rants" on the concept of the Nice Guy. The central theme was that a genuinely nice male is desirable, but that many Nice Guys are insecure men unwilling to articulate their romantic or sexual feelings directly. Instead, they choose to present themselves as their paramour's friend, and hang around, doing nice things for her in hopes that she will pick up on their desire for her. If she fails to read their secret feelings, Nice Guys become embittered and blame her for taking advantage of them and their what to write on dating site. The site is particularly critical of what they see as hypocrisy and manipulation on the part of self-professed Nice Guys.^[41][42]

According to journalist Paris Martineau, the incel and red pill movements (part of the anti-feministmanosphere) recruit depressed, frustrated men – who may suffer from "Nice Guy syndrome" – into the alt-right.^[43]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

• Both share same financial values.
• Are splitting expenses for the impending wedding.
• Open to suggestions about each other’s financial habits.

How to save tax for FY 2020-21.)

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ETPrime stories of the day

When it came to dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity, Dan Rochkind had no problem snagging the city’s most beautiful women.

“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper East Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair. “I met some nice people, but realistically I went for the hottest girl you could find.”

He spent the better part of his 30s going on up to three dates a week, courting 20-something blond models, but eventually realized that dating the prettiest young things had its drawbacks — he found them flighty, selfish and vapid.

“Beautiful women who get a fair amount of attention get introduction title for dating site of themselves,” he says. “Eventually, I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation.”

According to new research, Rochkind’s ideas about sexy bikini babes are correct. A multipart study from Harvard University, University of La Verne and Santa Clara University researchers found that beautiful people are more likely to be involved in unstable relationships. In one part, dating a hot girl with no personality researchers looked at the top 20 actresses on IMDb and found that they tend to have rocky marriages. In another, women were asked to judge the attractiveness of 238 men based on their high school yearbook photos from 30 years ago. The men who were judged to be the best-looking had higher rates of divorce.

Looking to avoid such a fate, Rochkind started dating a woman who isn’t a bikini model, Carly Spindel, in January 2015. The two are now happily engaged.

The two met after Spindel’s mother, matchmaker Janis Spindel, scouted Rochkind at a gym.

“I gave him my card and said I have the perfect girl for him,” recalls Janis, founder of Serious Matchmaking, based in Midtown. “Successful men who are in shape have the pickings when it comes to dating, [but] eventually they want a woman of substance.”

Rochkind found that in Carly, 30, a lovely brunette who’s the vice president of her mother’s matchmaking company and a Syracuse University graduate. Rochkind proposed to her last May in Central Park. He loves that Carly isn’t like the swimsuit models he used to go for.

“[She] is a softer beauty, someone you can take home and cuddle with, and she’s very elegant,” Rochkind says. “And she’s 5-foot-2, so she can’t be a runway model, but I think she’s really beautiful and is prettier than anyone I’ve dated.”

Carly has no qualms about how her future husband views her compared with his exes.

“When men get to a certain age, they realize that it’s important to meet a life partner that they connect with,” she says. “Looks fade.”

Some great-looking people say they’re given a bad rap unfairly.

“When men see beautiful women, they are more concentrated on how she looks because they want to ‘have’ her, and so they don’t want to go deeper and get to know her,” says Isabell Giardini, a 22-year-old Italian beauty signed with Major Models. “And that’s why at the end of a date they wonder, ‘Oh that girl is so beautiful but so empty.’ That’s happened to me often.”

Others say the stereotypes about pretty people being shallow are true, even if they’re hotties themselves.

“From my personal experience, people who are better looking are less likely to pursue advanced degrees, or play an instrument or learn other languages,” says Benedict Beckeld, a 37-year-old Brooklyn writer with a doctorate in philosophy and the body of an Adonis. But he’s quick to note that he’s not just a great set of abs — he also plays the violin and speaks seven languages.

After dating an athletic banker with model good looks for two years, dating a hot girl with no personality, Sonali Chitre, 34, has sworn off hotties.

“He was a Nazi about his diet and would work out hard-core and cared more about his body than just living life,” says Chitre, who broke up with free membership sex dating sites finance guy last October.

‘When men get to a certain age, they realize that it’s important to meet a life partner that they connect with. Looks fade.’

 - Carly Spindel

Chitre, an environmental lawyer and the founder of Priyamvada Sustainability Consulting, considers herself “a 9 or a 10,” but she says she’s done with gorgeous guys. Now, she’s more interested in “superballer” men with high-paying careers.

“I still want someone who’s in decent shape, but it’s more important to find a guy who’s goal-oriented,” she says. “[Beautiful men] are very into their bodies and don’t really care about people that much, or make time for their family.”

Megan Young, a 23-year-old p.r. woman from Hoboken, NJ, also changed her dating habits. The svelte, blue-eyed brunette used to exclusively date 6-foot-tall dudes who looked like Calvin Klein models.

“As a person who’s always been complimented on [my] ‘stunning beauty’ … I’d been searching for a ‘hot’ dating a hot girl with no personality to match the label I had always been given,” says Young. “But after a date or two, they’ll have problems hanging out with you and then will ghost.”

Last year, she stopped putting looks at the top of her dating criteria on Bumble, instead opting for guys who traveled a lot and were “make the most out of their lives” types. In August 2016, she met Christopher Argese, a 27-year-old security technician. Unlike the square-jawed bachelors who disrespected her, Argese is more boy-next-door in the looks department. But he’s kind and attentive.

“He’s not a model, but he’s so much more attractive in who he is as a person,” Young says.

And best of all, she says, Argese doesn’t just see her as a status symbol.

“When I asked him why he loves me, he said that he loves my drive and my passion,” Young says.

Rochkind is equally enthusiastic about his decision to give up high-maintenance hotties.

“There’s something to be said about sowing your wild oats and getting them out of your system,” says Rochkind, who will marry Carly in June at a “Tuscan-romantic” ceremony at the Wölffer Estate Vineyard in the Hamptons. But he doesn’t regret his past.

“You don’t want to be the first to leave the party, but you don’t want to leave the party too late either,” he says. “Carly came at exactly the right time.”

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Alyssa Curtis are a top expert on dating, attraction, and feminine therapy. She has written various posts on what can make lady tick.