Guy wants to take it slow dating - congratulate, this
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Are you dating a new guy who seems a bit shy or reluctant to get serious?
This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s no hope of something more: it’s all about understanding what’s really going on.
There are various key reasons why a guy sometimes wants to take things slow even when he’s open to something serious with you.
Here’s how to tell.
10 signs he wants to take it slow (and 5 important reasons why)
1) He loves to go on dates but is hesitant about taking it to the next level
One of the top signs he wants to take it slow is that he loves to go out on dates with you, but is hesitant to be an official couple.
You can tell he’s not just after sex or passing time, but at the same time, he doesn’t react well when you bring up getting more serious.
The indication here is that he’s into you for real, but he doesn’t want to jump heart-first into a serious relationship.
He wants to take things slow.
As Kristine Fellizar notes:
“Even someone who wants to take things slow will still have regular contact with you…
“That means, they won’t disappear for days or ‘forget’ to return your texts or calls. Everyone gets busy sometimes, but that’s no excuse to completely drop off completely.”
2) His communication is honest but sometimes not fully open
When a guy is shady or trying to just use you he’ll often lie or string you along.
But when he likes you for real and just wants to take things slow he’ll be honest and tell you the truth about what’s going on with him.
The main difference is that you’ll notice he’s not always fully open.
There seems to be a part of him that’s “hidden” or behind a wall in a way.
This can be him shutting you out in a way, but it can also be that he simply wants to take things slow and not jump in right away.
3) He still wants freedom to date other people
These days people have all sorts of different values and priorities in a relationship.
But unless you want an open relationship, then chances are you’re hoping he’ll commit and be exclusive with you.
The catch is that it has to be of his own free choice.
And if he still wants to date other people and not get serious with you yet then it’s a sign that he wants to take things slow: it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a player.
As Eric Charles puts it brilliantly:
“In the cases of the people that I have known who started off casually and ended up in relationships, they wanted to be sure.
“And they felt that the only way they could be was if they had total freedom and choice when they were deciding on who they wanted to be with. Exclusivity isn’t something you want to pester him about…”
4) He doesn’t like to talk about how he’s feeling very often
There’s a stereotype that men don’t like to talk about their feelings.
I think it can be true in some situations and with many guys.
However, if the guy you’re dating is particularly hesitant to open up about how he’s feeling it can be a sign that he wants to take things slow.
If he doesn’t want to get too emotionally invested in the first month or two you’ve been seeing each other don’t worry:
This isn’t necessarily how it’s always going to be. It can just take some men a lot longer to warm up.
5) He gets uncomfortable if you talk too much about being a couple already
If you drop the C-word, a guy who wants to take it slow is going to be uncomfortable.
There are many situations where this can come up as well:
For example, posting photos on Instagram that are very “relationship-y” or showing him in various ways that being an official item is important to you.
Be careful, because pushing too hard here can make him break the whole thing off:
When all he really wanted was to take it slow and not put it out there for the whole world to see just yet.
6) He includes you in his life even if he’s not ready to be an exclusive item
When a guy isn’t into you then you’re only an afterthought, a booty call or a fallback option.
But when he’s into you and simply wants to take things slow then he will make efforts to include you in his life.
While he may not want you to be introduced as his partner or girlfriend, he will still be great with introducing you to friends and those he cares about and spends time with.
“Even if you are feeling things out, if he sees a possibility of this going somewhere he will include you. He will invite you to his friend’s party or introduce you to his roommates,” writes Samantha Ann.
“He may not invite you to his family reunion, but he won’t avoid others when he’s with you.”
7) He says he wants a relationship with you, just not yet
This sign is good because unless he’s lying then it tells you all you need to know.
When he tells you he wants to take it slow and that a relationship is in the cards but just not yet then you know what’s going on.
The best way to tell if he’s telling the truth is the following:
- Does he make steady eye contact and explain it in a genuine and normal way?
- Is his behavior consistent with eventually wanting a relationship or is it more consistent with being a f***boy?
- Is he showing signs of slowly getting more serious or time or just frozen at one moment where it’s never going any further at all as far as you can see?
8) He tells you his past relationship went too fast and crashed and burned
Another one of the top signs he wants to take it slow is that he tells you about a past relationship that went too fast and crashed and burned.
The heat of passion can make people lose all reason and dive into things which later turn out to be an epic disaster.
If he’s experienced that then it’s likely still on his mind – and his heart – in quite a real way.
So when he tells you about a past relationship that flared out, keep in mind that this could be a big sign of why he’s not moving into getting serious with you just yet.
“If he has indicated an interest to relate with you on a deeper level, it’s possible that this guy craves a relationship better than his former,” writes Linda Ojuks.
“Maybe, his past relationship didn’t work out because it started off in a hurry.”
9) He is really into you but also wants quite a bit of time alone
Another one of the strongest signs he wants to take it slow is that he needs a lot of time alone.
It can be hard not to take it personally, but it’s important to be a little patient if you want a chance of this going to the next level.
A guy who wants to take it slow may need quite a bit of guy time with his buddies or alone.
It’s just his way of being a man, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
His formation of a solid foundation can later be the basis of a great relationship between the two of you.
It’s all about being understanding and giving him his space.
10) You can depend on him and know he’s interested even if he holds back a bit
One of the most important signs he wants to take it slow is that he’s there when you need him.
Even if he’s not comfortable being a serious couple just yet, he’s consistent in being there for you when you need it.
He’s a dependable and caring guy when you have a tough time or even just need a hand and his hero instinct is clearly being triggered by you.
This is definitely a great sign.
As marriage therapist David Klow says:
“The basic qualities of reliability, trustworthiness, and loyalty are still there in his makeup even if he is not ready to spend an entire getaway weekend with you after three months.
” Measuring his ability to stay present might indicate where his heart is.”
Why does he want to take it slow?
1) He doesn’t have much relationship experience
One of the most common reasons why a guy wants to take it slow can be because he doesn’t have much relationship experience.
He’s still finding his wings in love and he doesn’t want to fly too high too fast and crash and burn.
Try to be understanding: if this is all new to him then he’s going to be moving at a slower pace than you might expect.
2) He wants to get to know you better first
Another one of the most important reasons he may want to take it slow is to get to know you better first.
Many people jump into relationships without really knowing their partner.
Down the road, this can become a nightmare when they realize that they are incompatible, codependent, or bring out the worst in each other.
As the Daily Spice says:
“If a guy is inquisitive about you, it suggests he’s honestly interested in everything that is happening in your life.
“He wants to know your choices, your inclinations, what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable.”
3) He doesn’t think you’ll accept or love who he really is
Another one of the reasons he may want to take it slow is that he’s worried he won’t be good enough for you.
Sonya Schwartz gets this exactly right:
“The reality is if a man is talking about taking things slow, it could be because he thinks he can’t fulfill your desires at the moment.”
This is one of the saddest reasons for a guy to take it slow and – really – there is not a ton you can do.
You can support him and show him he is good enough, but it’s ultimately a certainty he’s going to have to find within himself by developing his own personal power.
4) He’s shy to show his interest in you too soon
There are still shy guys out there who have trouble showing their interest in a woman.
He may want to be with you badly but be hesitant or shy to show you that he wants something serious too soon.
Maybe he doesn’t want to come across as needy or desperate: maybe he believes that there aren’t enough signs that you’re into him yet.
As Pearl Nash observes, there are certain signs that a guy is interested in something serious even though he’s taking it slow.
5) They got burned before and they’re being more careful this time around
This reason is very common as well. It’s important to respect that some guys really have been burned badly and they are very scared of it happening again.
For that reason, they take things slow and don’t want to get into another intense relationship that goes wrong and leaves them as a wreck.
“We can have the assumption that someone wants to take things slowly because they’re unsure how they feel about you.
“This could be because they’ve been hurt so badly in the past so they’re wary, or it could be because they’re just not 100% sure on you,” observes Ell at Forgetting Fairytales.
“They may be stalling, or tip-toeing around the edge of a relationship because they don’t really want to fully commit. But this doesn’t have to be the case. And it isn’t always.”
How slow is too slow?
Ultimately, how slow is too slow depends on your own priorities and experiences.
If he’s moving so slow that you feel he’s only using you or keeping you on a roster then it’s time to move on.
But if the above signs and reasons apply then it can be a chance to look at things in a new light and continue giving him a chance.
As relationship counsellor Heather Gillam says the two most important questions to ask yourself are:
“How have past relationships impacted your man’s desire to take it slow?
“How have your own relationships impacted your discomfort with taking it slow?”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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What Does Taking It Slow Mean To A Guy (21 Possible Meanings)
Has a man told you he wants to ‘take things slow’?
Are you wondering what this even means to him - or why he’d say it?
If so, this is the article for you. I’m going to take you through all the possible explanations in the guide below.
But first, how about I teach you how to stop guys from spewing all this non-committal BS to you ?
Men used to make stupid excuses like this to me all the time.
I was the woman who everyone wanted to sleep with, but no-one wanted to commit to!
Worse yet, I had no idea why! I wasn’t a bad woman, nor a cheap hussy!
Luckily, I managed to turn this problem around when I began learning about a powerful aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.
This is the part of male thinking that makes them want to love and cherish the women in their life.
And you can learn to trigger it on demand!
When you do, his feelings for you can become so strong that they border on OBSESSION.
I know because that’s what I’ve been doing for a few years now! This psychological routine transformed my love life and it can do the same for you.
To learn more take a look at the detailed story of how I discovered the magic of the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.
This story can help you turn things around with the guy who is being wishy-washy about being in a relationship with you - and I’d encourage you to make that happen.
With that said, let’s explore further into the reasons why a man might say he wants to take things slow.
Contents
21 Possible Meanings Of Taking It Slow
1. He wants to take his time
If anyone suggests taking things slow, the primary reason for this decision is to take their time with something. Similarly, when a man decides that he wants the relationship to go slower, it merely means that he wants to take his time with you. This decision could be based on several other reasons but doesn't put his commitment up for questioning.
If a partner is concerned about his association with you, it means he cares about you, which is a positive sign. Your next step should be to find out his grounds for the decision and see if you can contribute to his cause in any way.
2. He's afraid he can't meet your needs
Most guys desperately want to see their partners happy. They want to satisfy their significant other's needs and feel fulfilled in their relationships. Anything that makes them feel incompetent will undoubtedly make them step back and strategize. The reality is if a man is talking about taking things slow, it could be because he thinks he can't fulfill your desires at the moment.
He's afraid that the association will meet a sudden halt if he doesn't slow down its pace and figure out how to make you happy. He wants you as his partner to be entirely comfortable with him, and therefore, tries to fix the association's lack.
3. He wants to build the relationship first
Many guys would prefer to form a reliable connection with a lady before taking things further. If a guy thinks emotional intimacy is a priority, he would request to take things slowly. A partner would want to take dating slowly if he wants the association to be grounded before it gets serious.
This decision is to guarantee that both parties can handle the tough times when they come. If the association isn't firm, there's a likelihood that its span may not be as long as expected. He will strive to build a good foundation to ensure the association doesn't end like any past relationship.
4. He's respecting her boundaries
Sometimes, guys can tell when they're overly demanding to a lady. If he thinks he's pushing her out of her comfort zone too much, he will suggest taking things slow. This scenario means that he could recommend taking things slowly as a way to remind himself to be patient with his significant other.
He has perceived that this action will make the relationship blossom naturally and make his girl comfortable with him. Therefore, he suggests taking things slow to help sustain harmony in the association. This suggestion doesn't diminish his commitment to the association but reveals how willing he is to make things work.
5. She reminds him of his ex
If a guy's new partner makes him recollect previous events from his past, especially with an ex, he would prefer to slow down things for a while. Even if he is head over heels with you, he wants his new relationship to be different and unique, which is why he wants to focus on the essential parts of the association.
He would concentrate on how the two of you can get to know each other better and build the feelings you have for one another, rather than getting carried away with the excitement of a fresh relationship. He doesn't want to be reminded about his ex but wants to start afresh on a new platter.
6. He wants to make every date exciting
People feel they might kill the excitement of a new relationship when they rush experiences. If both parties do activities far too often, they may become routines that they take for granted later on. Therefore, a guy might suggest taking things slow to keep every occasion fresh and exciting.
He would preferably plan fantastic date nights every weekend than go out with you every night. This action is to prevent both of you from getting accustomed to the excitement each outing brings. Taking things slow would also mean holding off on some activities while dating to build up the exhilaration.
7. He cherishes friendships
Many people look for deeper meanings in their relationships. A guy may want a partner and a companion while dating because his thoughts tell him it would make the association more genuine. Thus, he would focus more on building a connection and developing a friendship than merely starting the relationship.
If he suggests that he wants to take it slow, it could mean that he wants you to be his companion first to guarantee a long-lasting association. He wants to know you intimately because he thinks it will help him be a better man for you. In other words, he cares about you and doesn't want to lose you to anything.
8. He is afraid of letting his guard down
The turmoil of the past can sometimes prevent people from opening up or moving on. If a person were hurt before, they'd think that others might do the same thing and prefer to seclude their emotions. A partner may decide to take things at a slow pace because he's afraid of being vulnerable in the relationship.
If you sense he's not letting his guard down, you should give him space to get accustomed to you. Putting pressure on him would only push him further away, so it's crucial to make him see comfort in your presence. He'll warm up to you eventually with that.
9. He is dealing with personal issues
When a problem arises, a person might find it challenging to cope with other areas of their life, especially their relationships. If your partner wants to take things tardily in the association, it may be because he's having a tough time. He knows he won't satisfy your desires at that moment, so he takes some time off to settle his issues.
He would preferably slow down the association until he gets back on track, rather than choose to leave you wondering. Bear in mind that giving your man space when he's going through a lot is prudent if you can't actively resolve the situation. He'll appreciate it more than you know.
10. He's trying not to let her down
People naturally seek to impress the ones they love by striving to be their best and meet their beloved's desires. If a person thinks that certain things may prevent him from having a cooperative association with his significant other, he might want to take the association slower. This scenario is similar to every guy in a serious relationship.
He doesn't want to let his partner down with his inefficiencies. If he feels the association isn't ready for a new stage, he will take it easy and get to know his significant other's feelings to make the association stronger.
11. He doesn't want her to lose interest
Most guys feel if they rush a relationship, their significant other might lose interest quickly. The lady might get familiar or bored with most of the activities, and the association will start to decline. Therefore, a guy might decide to take things slow to keep a lady engaged for as long as possible and make sure such a problem doesn't occur.
He would preferably focus on intimacy and building a strong commitment to each other before focusing on other areas. Some guys might even decide to hold off on sex to get to know their significant other more.
12. He wants to maintain other friendships
When people start dating, it's easy for them to become so engrossed in their relationship that they neglect other associations. Thus, a guy may decide to slow down his romantic association's pace to balance out his friendships with other people.
He doesn't want both of you to become so preoccupied with each other that you lose out on other healthy associations that could benefit the two of you in the long run. These associations could be business or career-related, or merely just friendship you wouldn't want to lose. It's a decision that may prove to be worthwhile in the end.
13. He's trying to avoid previous mistakes
People that had challenges in a past relationship may seek to prevent such problems from reoccurring in a new association. They would want to take things slow to ensure that whatever affected them the last time doesn't stir up again.
This action is one of the ways to know when someone is really interested in you. If they're trying their best to avoid the association from falling apart, it reveals how much they love you. Thus, choosing to build the association steadily isn't a call for alarm but guarantees a longer span.
14. He needs space to himself
The thing about men is that they unconsciously need space even while in a relationship. It's a natural reaction to hold on to their sense of individuality. The downside of this scenario is that women perceive it differently. When a guy says he needs to take things slowly, they automatically assume the worst when the situation may be far from being terrible.
He may want to take it slow to clear his head and evaluate his emotions towards you, which is a fantastic thing because it ends up bringing you closer to him than ever before. Therefore, it's essential not to worry when a partner needs space.
15. He needs a while to adjust
There are many reasons why people need time to adapt to a fresh relationship. They may be trying to get over their last association or aren't too familiar with the dating scene. They would want to take things tardily in such a situation while getting to know you as a partner. The more comfortable both of you can get with each other, the better he can adapt to the new association. It's crucial to understand that respecting a person's desire to move slower when they're finding it hard to adjust rather than pressuring them will be a prudent decision for a long and profitable association.
16. He wants to focus on self-development
A person may decide to build their relationship slowly because they want to develop themselves in the meantime. Tending to personal flaws guarantees a profitable connection with a partner and is crucial to the development of the association. If someone is trying to be better for their significant other, they might request some space to work on themselves.
This act also reveals how significant the association is to them, making the need for space an expression of love. Neglecting their inefficiencies would only cause a rift in the association in the long run, which is why any guy would be keen on self-development.
17. He doesn't want to make contact all the time
When strangers start dating, they are likely to have regular contact to build the association. If a person has any reason to limit the amount of communication made, they may request to move things at a slow pace.
Some of the possible things that could hinder constant involvement include a demanding job or life challenges that need absolute attention. If they can't call or text you as much as their significant other would love while dating, they would prefer to grow the association steadily until they have time for the relationship.
18. He wants to measure compatibility
Any guy that wants a serious relationship would do everything to find a partner he matches with, including taking time with every association. Thus, if a guy wants to take things steadily, it may be because he's trying to determine whether both of you are compatible.
He doesn't want to rush the association because he knows he's looking for something serious. He would choose to focus on getting to know you as a person than having sex right away.
19. He has other commitments
One thing that can push a man to take things slow in his relationship is his dedication to other aspects of life. If a man's job or career is demanding, he will undoubtedly have limited time to cater to his romantic association's needs.
Similarly, other factors, like catering to his family needs or pursuing one's goals or dreams, can prevent a man from being actively involved in an association. He would request some space to handle these areas of his life before focusing entirely on his significant other feelings.
20. He wants to fix some problems in the relationship
All associations have their challenges and getting to know the cause of the conflict is the first step to solving it. Your partner may want to take things at a slow rate because he wants both of you to work on your differences. Gliding over challenges only causes more rifts in the future, which is why it's always best to settle conflicts as soon as they arise.
If anything needs to be worked on in the association, focusing on those aspects above anything else is prudent. This action is better than neglecting discordances until they become unresolvable.
21. He only wants to take it slow
People naturally have preferences when it comes to relationships. They feel certain circumstances would be better for the association than others. This notion could stir up from past experiences or personal beliefs.
Some of these scenarios include taking things slow. If a guy decides to focus more on building a connection in his relationship than anything else, it may be because he believes it would work best. Therefore, it's pertinent to note that sometimes, guys have no deliberate intention to grow an association at a steady pace. It could be his preference for the situation.
FAQs
Going slow in a relationship could mean several different things. It could be an avenue to focus on the critical aspects of the relationship or fix specific association challenges. It could also be a way to focus on individual priorities before being fully immersed in a romantic association.
If a guy still shows interest in you after requesting for a slower rate of events, then he's not playing games with you. His dedication to the association will prove that he indeed wants to make the relationship work. On the contrary, inconsistencies in a guy's affection towards you when dating is a red flag.
If a guy demands things to go slow after you've already had sex with him, there's a chance that he wants a casual association with you and not a serious one. Relationships get severe after sexual intercourse, so he might discourage a romantic association from happening.
Girls that take relationships seriously may decide to go slow if an association tends to be long-term. They would preferably focus on the critical aspects of the association first to avoid getting heartbreak. A girl would do this if she considers dating as a thing of precaution.
It's easy to tell when relationships are getting severe by the parties' dedication to making things work. If a guy would do anything to keep you as his partner, including fixing all differences and trying to be a better person for you, then it's a profound association.
In Summary
Did you enjoy this article about what going slow means to a guy? It's crucial to find out why your significant other wants to go slow so that both of you can work together to achieve that goal. If he doesn't reveal it to you, it's up to you to respect his wishes. Kindly leave a comment below and share this article if you liked it.
What A Guy Is Thinking When He Kisses You
what a guy is thinking when he kisses you. He also wants know you're a part of his life so by telling him you miss him, you're giving him real proof he can connect to and a guarantee that how you. What he means: I'm not interested in dating you. You can’t change his mind into wanting a relationship with you even with sex. Sean, 33, is in a long-term relationship of five years. My preferred method is for the person to say "I really want to kiss you" and then wait for my reaction. He may also be a bit over-excited by seeing you naked for the first time and doesn't want to give that away either. MORE THAN LIKELY however. As silly as it seems when a man has a crush on you, he is going to make sure you know he is there when you need. And yes, I know what FaceApp is. When a guy you're dating is out of town or far away and he tells you he's thinking about you, it's a good sign that he's trying to form a deeper connection with you. November 12, 2009. In that kiss, there are a multitude of emotions. Though you think they just want to get into your pants, it's not always that simple. Jonathan Slinger, Actor: A Knight's Tale. You will k now what he expects or what his thoughts are. , then in this case, it's probably okay. Contents [ Show] 1 1. One last thing: Ladies, if you do want to be kissed, take a moment to pause and make serious eye contact for multiple seconds at a time. besides it's 1 before 2,ask yourself if he's this incubus/sex demon or gets horny each time you two are close…. How To Tell He Loves You By His Kiss: 11 Types Of Kisses and Their Meanings. If he was a guy that you had not met before then it would be more likely that he either does it naturally or he was attracted to you depending on the behavior and body language that he was showing. He may not intentionally be ignoring you, he might just be focusing on himself or other things. The kisses of the body’s most sensitive parts — neck, forehead kisses or earlobes are charming for guys. We’ve taken the top 11 occurrences to help you decode what he’s REALLY saying to you. If he doesn't make an eye contact, pay attention to his lips but don't stare. Does he/she want to kiss you? Quiz. If he can't tell whether or not you like him back, then he's going to be wary of kissing you. When a man is falling for you, he just can’t help talking about the amazing vacation you could have next year. What it is: This is when a guy pulls you in close during a hug, squeezing you tight. A guy that's cool just chatting via text without making plans is either putting you in the friend zone or leading you on. He will go crazy missing you and would instantly drop you a message. So when a guy is smiling at you while showing the rest of these sexual tension signs, he wants you. Besides the fact that he is respectful towards you, a guy would also know his limitations if he truly likes you. What he means: "I don't think you're fat, I just love a girl who actually enjoys her food. Waiting is hard, especially for a kiss. 15 Things Guys Think When You're Making Out Does she want to kiss me? I'll start going in really slowly to see if she moves away. If he wants to sleep with you, he generally tries to talk to you in a romantic way, he flirts with you, he even teases you romantically. Men who prefer neck kisses to typical mouth kisses may be afraid of actual emotional intimacy, though, so take note if he does this more than actual French kisses. Lemon said he doesn’t care what people think about him because he is a “grown, successful black man. Instead on focusing on the mouth, try exploring other parts of his body. When guys do this, they are wanting you to know that they are your security blanket, that you don't need to look for safety anywhere else because they have you covered. Openly homosexual CNN anchor Don Lemon launches drunken NYE rant at his ‘haters’ during live celebration stream, saying ‘You can kiss my behind’ – and claims he gets trolled because he’s a ‘successful black man’. He Is Always Offering To Drive. And guys like how girls smell. He will probably kiss you. I share everything,” Lemon began. Is it incestual to jerk-off to your hypothetical twin sister? Or masturbation, since it's technically you with different chromosomes? Who knows, who cares? All I know is, it's f*cking weird! Step back and literally F*CK YOUR OWN FACE!. Updated: May 24, 2021. For starters, when a guy flirts, it SOMETIMES means that he wants to take it to the next level. If you met him on a dating website, the minute you ask him if you two can become “exclusive”, he’ll block you (claiming that he has deleted his profile) so that you can’t see his dating activity. There are all kinds of reasons why a guy may be nervous about making a move. So without further hesitation, let’s have a look at the fifteen undeniable signs that a man is sexually attracted to you. When your guy kisses you on the lips, he is saying that he loves you. Think Again. The guy feels strong and protective. They want cheek kisses and hand holding and hugs and an arm around them at times. But if you tend to think about murders or channel demons while in dreamland, you may wake up to a grown woman thrusting a Bible and a handful of garlic in your face. This quiz is for girls or boys who want to know either their boyfriend/girlfriend is ready to kiss them yet. If she's goes in for a kiss, then that's my green light that the night was a success. Reason # 3: Men kiss women to build anticipation. If you think he's confused about your feelings, the best thing you can do is flat out tell him how you feel. 2) Don't Push: Never be pushy, touchy-feely, or downright aggressive in your approach. A lawful kiss is never worth a stolen one. This is the nicest way he knows to tell you that he's not interested in you romantically. Let him go. 15 Signs That Someone Likes You Based On How They Text. Lommelun
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So you’ve found someone you really click with, everything going really well. You’re hopeful, optimistic even (which is great!) However it’s still a good idea to take things slow to avoid falling too fast, being swept away or progressing things too quickly (and then looking back, only to regret it…) Remember, if it’s meant to be, it will still be. This person won’t be going anywhere. So how do you take things slow when dating someone? Let’s explore this a little further.
What Does It Mean To Take Things Slow When Dating?
Taking things slow when dating someone essentially means, things moving forward at a pace you’re both comfortable with. This can relate to intimacy, feelings and commitment.
Taking things slowly means different things to different people – as we all naturally go at different paces and put different value on different things.
For this reason, it’s important to be open and honest when discussing taking things slowly with a new person you’re dating, to ensure you’re both on the same page.
[ Recommended Read: Are Things Moving Too Fast? Click Here To Find Out ]
Can Taking It Slow Be a Bad Thing?
For sure. We can have the assumption that someone wants to take things slowly because they’re unsure how they feel about you. This could be because they’ve been hurt so badly in the past so they’re wary, or it could be because they’re just not 100% sure on you.
They may be stalling, or tip-toeing around the edge of a relationship because they don’t really want to fully commit. But this doesn’t have to be the case. And it isn’t always.
If you’re stressing out, clinging onto the person, scared, because they want to take things slow – take a step back. Look at their behaviour. Look at the signs they are into you, alongside the signs they’re a potential player.
Make your own judgements – but only when you’re in the state where you’re able to be level headed about it. Also try not to automatically assume the worst. This could actually be a blessing – something that MAKES the two of you, not BREAKS you.
For this reason, don’t be afraid to ask to take things slow. There are a lot of benefits to it and different ways to do it (it doesn’t have to be hard or painful!) In fact, let’s have a very quick look at why this is a good idea…
Why It’s Good To Take Things Slow When Dating Someone
To cut to the chase, relationships that start fast don’t always have staying power. These whirlwind romances are actually more likely to fall apart because they’re built on lust, illusion and fantasy. It’s all too intense, and it often becomes too much for both parties.
You also can’t think clearly. You can’t genuinely assess how you feel, or if someone is or isn’t right for you – which means you’re far more likely to rush into something that will only inevitably end in heartache.
It takes time to get to know someone. You need to allow this time to stop seeing the ‘best version’ of a person and start seeing the TRUE version of them – once they’ve let their guard down, are authentically being themselves (without being afraid of being judged.) Better yet, you can see if they have that all-important consistency…
There’s no point them being everything you could possibly wish for, if they can’t then keep it up. Their behaviour shouldn’t start to change, the more comfortable they become. If anything, they should be MORE reliable, predictable and dependable.
So by taking things slowly, you can better see if they’re serious enough about you to do this, and will therefore end up building far stronger foundations over a longer length of time.
THINK ABOUT IT:
Finding a partner didn’t used to actually be like this. Our parents or grandparents were usually childhood sweethearts – knowing each other from school. They were friends first, if anything.
They didn’t just jump on an app with the intention of finding love, pluck up someone they THINK they know and rush into committing with them.
No, no, no! They knew them for far longer and saw them for who they were first. Times have changed now and things may not work on that same timeline anymore. But you can still take the situation into your hands and slow it down for a better chance of long-term success.
[ Recommended Read: Are You Falling In Love? Could This Really Be It? Find Out Here! ]
The Other Benefits of Taking It Slowly in a New Relationship:
- You’re able to first establish a friendship alongside the relationship.
- You can better enjoy this exciting new early stage of the relationship (don’t undervalue it – this is heaps of fun in its own right!)
- By not diving headfirst into a relationship can turn it into something deeper. You form a better, stronger connection – that’s not just one dimensional.
- You can better differentiate between genuine feelings and infatuation.
- You’re less likely to miss the all-important red flags.
- You can still keep your own life and passions, continuing to do the things that are important to you so that you have more of a balance that’s easier to then be continued – even when things do continue to progress.
- You can learn about one another and the best way to work together before things get too heavy.
- You can work on yourself alongside the relationship to make sure you’re growing as things are progressing. This means you can address any issues that could cause relationship problems, whilst you still have the space you need.
- You have more confidence in the relationship and the fact that this person really is ‘the one’ if the two of you do finally get to the stage of committing.
- It’s easier to build trust, and overall creates healthier relationship habits.
Sufficiently convinced as to why you SO NEED THIS?! Good. That’s important. You have to have the desire to do something, in order for it to work – so that’s part one of how to take things slow when dating… OFFICIALLY COMPLETE. What else can we do to make sure it happens? Well let’s have a look…
[ Psst, want to get better at dating? Check out our top 10 recommended reads. Click here to see our roundup list: The Best Dating Books That Will Help You Find Love: Click Here ]
How To Take Things Slow When Dating Someone
So, how do you do it? How do you take things slow when dating someone? I know what you’re probably thinking – “She’s going to tell me to keep dating other people or see this person less.” Well actually, no. I’m not. Because you might not want to do that.
In the early days perhaps, or if you’ve not been single for very long, then this will work. But what if you’ve been looking for someone who excites you?
You finally find them then BAMN, you have to be all wary – deprive yourself of that quality time with them, force yourself to see others when you know the interest just isn’t there.
No. That’s just going to suck the fun out of things.
I’m all for protecting your heart, but I don’t think pulling back from a person is necessarily the right thing to do to slow things down. It creates issues that don’t need to be there – makes things scarier or more complicated than they actually need to be.
So if you’re enjoying getting to know this person, you’re liking how things are going but just don’t want to rush into anything, you can slow things down by doing the following things…
1) Have a Balance
Balance. That’s what it’s all about. So I’m not saying you have to be careful with how much you see them. Not at all. All I’m saying is don’t move them in next week, or have them staying over every single night (eek!) That’s excessive – and suffocating, and it’s going to end up in things crashing and burning.
If you are going to see them more, you’ll also want to try to limit your texting. (Here’s how to get the healthy balance when it comes to how often to text.) So if you are going to see them often, make sure you still have your life apart when you’re not together.
As a base, one or two days / nights a week is fine when it comes to how often to see each other. Max is probably three – especially if it’s still early days. Little and often can work pretty well if the two of you live close together.
Try not to fall into a routine with it too easily or quickly however. It should still be fun, exciting, different – and with a bit of spontaneity in there! This leads me onto my next point…
2) Do Different Things
Relationships move too quickly when they become comfortable. If you want to take things slow when dating someone, try to do different things when you see each other – different experiences, in different places. Diversify it. Get outside your relationship comfort zone.
Don’t fall into ‘long term couple’ territory where everything becomes cosy yet predictable. You’re not there yet. Keep the other person on their toes, and make sure you’re kept on your toes too.
At this stage, you want to learn as much as you can about the person. You won’t do that if you’re constantly in the same sort of situation, on familiar lands.
So test yourselves in that escape room, let your hair down with a few drinks together, go for that romantic meal, head to a museum… mix things up. Keep things fresh and exciting, just how it should be at this stage!
3) Don’t Talk Too Much About The Future
I know you might be excited and may well see a future with this person (POTENTIALLY!) but to avoid putting any expectations or pressure on the relationship.
Keep your relationship light and fun. I mean, there will be plenty of time for the serious stuff moving forward…
And that doesn’t mean that you can’t have deep chats and a more meaningful relationship, but you don’t need to have deep chats about the two of you and where you’re heading… not just yet.
Let things progress naturally, in their own time.
4) Keep Doing Your Own Thing
So you might not want to date other people, that’s fine. But don’t make the mistake of making this person your whole world. Keep doing other things with friends and family, focus on your work and career, make time for your passions and hobbies, keep working on becoming the best version of you.
This person can still be important to you, a priority even if you think they’re what you’re looking for. They just shouldn’t be EVERYTHING. And you need to see that. Otherwise you’ll end up falling fast and hard… which is not always a good thing.
5) Cut Out The Obsessive Behaviour
The excessive texting, the checking of social media channels, the constant thinking about this person – daydreaming perhaps. It’s a sign that you’re fantasising. Click here to understand it more.
But it’s not real and you can’t feed that toxic behaviour. Become more aware of how you’re acting, the things you’re doing that don’t actually make you feel good, and simply work on them. Get rid of them before they take over!
Because of the intense feelings of euphoria that you get when you date and start to fall in love – it is easy to get fixated on the person who’s giving you those feelings. It’s normal, common even.
But, my friends, there are things you can do to ease off it – which will also help to keep you more level-headed and slow the pace of the new relationship down.
Click here to read more about how to stop obsessing and simply let things be.
This Is Going To Be a Good Thing, Trust Me…
Whether it does or doesn’t work out, it will work out the way it’s meant to. So live in the here and now. Enjoy what you DO have with this person, right now in this moment in time.
It’s easy to overthink situations, to fear losing what you have when you’re happy and things are going well. But the more you panic, the more likely you are to smother the other person and end up sabotaging yourself.
You’ve got a good thing going on right now – don’t let anything take away from that.
Keep building yourself up, knowing your worth, knowing your brilliance – because that’s also going to shift your perspective from:
“OH MY GOSH, this person is amazing. I must must must be with them!” to “Yeah, this person is pretty cool. But so am I. So let’s see how things go and how well we continue to gel.”
Remember, if it doesn’t work out with this person, it is okay. But fingers crossed for the both of you! I really hope this is the start of something truly special.
All the best! Don’t forget to subscribe below for fortnightly updates of the latest posts.
Love,
Ell_xx
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The first time you saw your man, you knew he was the one for you – brilliant, intelligent, charming, and good-looking. But there’s one thing that really bugs you: He wants to take it slow.
What does it mean to take things slow? Does it mean that he’s not quite sure how he’s feeling about you? Or could it be that he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself and that’s why he wants the two of you to take your time?
Those are all valid questions to ask since women and men interpret taking it slow in different ways.
Generally, when a man says that he wants to slow down a bit, the woman instantly assumes that it’s because he’s lost interest in the relationship and is looking to date other women. Some women even go to the extremes and see it as a red flag that the guy will break up with them soon and he’s craving a whirlwind romance.
In reality, though, his intentions may be quite different from her perception.
The beginning of every relationship is great, that’s why it’s called the honeymoon phase. You get to learn so much about your partner, you experience new and exciting things with him, and it seems that there’s no end to your happiness.
But going through those early relationship stages too fast and a bit too soon can cause your relationship to get stale real fast.
That’s why guys who want to take things slow in their relationships may be onto something.
12 possible reasons he wants to take it slow
Keep in mind that not every guy is the same, so when he says that he wants to take it slow, it usually indicates a desire for the pace at which emotional connection and emotional intimacy are being put on the top of the priority list.
That’s why there’s no universal answer as to what it means when a man says he wants to take it slow. It can mean different things to different people, and similarly, pumping the brakes will differ depending on the person.
1. He’s only respecting your boundaries
Some guys are quite self-aware that they come across as demanding to a lady and that could be why your guy wants to take it slow.
He’s slowing the pace of your relationship to remind himself to be patient and not to rush into anything, as he may scare you away if he does.
A man like that knows that this action will let the relationship grow naturally, without forcing anything. And it won’t lead to heartbreak.
Slow means the girl will see he’s respecting her boundaries, so she’ll open up to him as she becomes more comfortable around him. Perhaps he wants to take things slow to maintain the harmony and peace that you two share.
Going slow doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that your man is afraid of commitment and he’s just another guy who can’t give his heart to his new partner.
It’s actually a good sign and reveals how willing he is to make things work.
2. He’s afraid he can’t make you happy
While some guys don’t put too much emphasis on their partner’s needs, others are super determined to do whatever it takes to make their significant other and best friend happy.
Guys like that feel incompetent and awful if they don’t succeed in their goal, and so they take a step back to reevaluate their strategy.
He says he’d like to take it slow because he thinks he can’t make you happy and fulfill your every desire at the moment. He’s afraid that your relationship will suffer if he doesn’t put the brakes on and think about ways to make you happy.
He prioritizes your emotions and needs above his. Therefore, he’ll try to slow down the pace in order to step up his game so that you feel satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship.
3. You haven’t sparked his hero instinct yet
One of the obvious reasons a man will take it slow is because you’ve yet to trigger his hero instinct.
This is a relatively new concept in relationship psychology that can be connected to a man’s fear of commitment.
Many women struggle to give their man that much-needed push so that he commits to them, but it all happens because they haven’t triggered the hero instinct in him.
So, you’re probably asking how to do it, right?
Well, it’s quite simple actually. Sometimes it can be sparked by asking for his help. Men don’t like to feel useless around the house and in the relationship. They need to prove themselves not just to you but to themselves too.
You can awaken his hero instinct by asking him to help you fix something around the house, or going to him when you have a problem and need some advice.
Afterward, it’s important that you show your appreciation and tell him how much it meant to you. Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to feel appreciated as you do.
4. He’s afraid of letting his guard down
The damage previous relationships left on him can prevent him from opening up to you or moving on. If he was hurt by his ex, then he may think that every girl will do the same thing, so he’ll prefer to keep his emotions hidden.
Your partner might simply want to take things slow because he’s afraid to show his vulnerable side to you. If you can see that he’s not letting you in and has walls built up around him, then your best bet is to give him space and wait for him to open up to you in his own time.
The worst mistake you can make is to pressure him into something that he doesn’t want to do. It’ll only push him further away from you and the little bit of trust he had in you will go flying out the window.
Your goal is to create a safe environment for him so that he feels comfortable and secure in your new relationship.
Eventually, when he realizes that the connection you two share isn’t even close to his past relationships, then he’ll warm up to you, let down his guard, and let you in.
5. You remind him of his ex
If you remind him in any way, shape, or form of his ex, that could be another plausible reason he wants to slam the brakes and slow things down.
Perhaps things weren’t good with her and they had a bad breakup. That type of thing can cause a man to slow down the pace and rethink whether or not your intentions are genuine.
Even if he’s head over heels for you, he wants to make sure your relationship is different from his previous one. He wants to have a committed relationship where you get to know each other on a deeper level, rather than to get carried away in the excitement of a fresh relationship.
That’s why he puts that much focus on compatibility and seeing eye to eye on important life matters.
He doesn’t want your relationship to end as his past relationship did. Instead, he wants to turn a new page in his life and create something special with you.
6. It helps him distinguish between feelings and infatuation
You don’t have to be a relationship expert to know that there’s a major difference between being attracted to someone and loving them.
Although those two terms often go hand-in-hand, infatuation can make it tricky to distinguish between having genuine feelings for someone and simply wanting them because of their physical appearance.
In fact, infatuation has more to do with being attracted to someone even though you haven’t gotten to know them yet. And as a result, those types of relationships usually move relatively quickly.
So, how do you know that you’re in love with someone? Well, love is different from infatuation. It requires you to spend a lot more time with the other person to get to know each other better.
Also, loving someone means knowing their personality and how they think. It’s not just based on physical attraction.
7. He wants to make every date exciting
Rushing into something and not thinking it through thoroughly can certainly kill the excitement of a new relationship. I know you want to see your partner as often as you can, but you should also take some time for yourself.
If you do things together far too regularly, they may become routines that both of you will soon start taking for granted. Because of that, he may suggest that the two of you slow down the pace to keep your dates exciting and fresh.
A man like that will plan your nights out like it’s your first date so that you don’t lose that spark you share. It also means that you’ll never know what he’s got in store for you and you’ll always be excited to see each other.
8. He wants to build the relationship first
Some guys take their time to form a solid emotional connection with a woman before taking things to another level. Only when he reaches a certain milestone can he be sure that he wants to start a serious relationship with you.
That’s another reason why your man may suggest to you to take things slow.
He made this decision because he wants to be sure that you won’t back down and leave him when tough times come. If the connection between you two isn’t firm, your relationship may not last as long as expected.
He’s been through a lot and learned that establishing the right foundations is key to a healthy relationship.
9. He’s trying not to let you down
In an attempt to prove to you that he’s a real man, he may think that taking things slow is the best option. Perhaps he thinks that the excitement can damage your bond and that’s why he wants to hit the breaks.
This is all because he wants to meet your desires and fulfill your needs.
If he isn’t ready to take your potential relationship to another level, then he’ll take it easy because he doesn’t want to let you down with his inefficiencies. His goal is to grow stronger together with you, not to break the two of you apart.
10. He needs space to himself
Men are usually afraid to commit to a woman because they think they’ll lose all of their freedom once they start a romantic relationship. And even if they are in a relationship, they may ask you to take it slow because they unconsciously need space.
It’s a natural reaction that usually occurs when they think they’re losing control of their own life.
So, when a man says that he needs to take things slowly, women often perceive it wrongly. They automatically think that the guy doesn’t want to have a long-term relationship with them and that a breakup is inevitable.
They assume the worst, when in fact, the situation may be far from terrible.
There’s always the possibility that he wants to slow down the pace because he needs to clear his mind and evaluate his feelings for you.
Don’t think of this as something negative, because it could bring him closer to you than ever before. Therefore, don’t worry too much when your partner asks for a little space.
11. He’s busy with other commitments
You need to remember that your boyfriend has a life outside of your relationship and that his entire world doesn’t revolve around you.
I understand that it’s quite easy to get lost in our fantasies when we’re at the beginning of a relationship. We want them to always think about us, but in most cases, we’re making the wrong moves to achieve that.
The best way to go about it is to let things happen naturally and enjoy the ride. In the end, you can’t force someone to love you if they don’t have genuine feelings for you.
Admittedly, it’s a bit disappointing to realize that your man cannot devote all his time to you, even though you’re worth every second of it. But he wants to take it slow because he needs to make sure that his commitments don’t interfere with your growing relationship.
12. He’s going through some stuff on his own
I get it. You want to know everything there is about him. But there are some things that he may want to keep to himself.
He may not let you see every single side of him. Perhaps that’s why he’s been so reserved lately.
Providing for someone else in a relationship means that you’re investing everything you’ve got into it. And when you’re going through some rough stuff in life, it can be difficult to provide for your partner so that they don’t feel neglected.
So, if you see that he’s a bit distant and lost, then the best thing you can do for him is to give him some space and agree to his request to take things slowly.
6 signs he’s interested in you, even if he wants to take it slow
In a world where everyone seems in a rush, there are guys out there who deliberately choose a more leisurely pace because they want to get to know you first before giving you their heart.
It’s understandable that you’re confused about his feelings for you if he said that he wants to take it slow, but believe me, it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel something for you.
So, if you’re eager to find out whether or not he’s ready to take your relationship to another level, then look for some of these clues.
1. He asks you a lot of questions
A man who’s curious about you and wants to know everything there is – the good and the bad – will ask you as many questions as possible. Curiosity is a huge sign that a man has serious feelings for you.
His curiosity doesn’t extend only to the big questions but to small ones as well. He could be asking you about your favorite toy when you were a child or your most memorable movie.
But in the end, that’s a great way to see if the two of you are even compatible.
On the other hand, if a guy isn’t keen on taking your relationship to the next level, regardless of pace, then he won’t ask you a lot of questions about yourself. If that’s the case, you need to rethink the entire situation and decide if he’s worth your time.
2. He’s not hiding you from his friends
Men are rather protective when it comes to those closest to them. They won’t easily let you into their inner circle unless they see that you’re worth it.
Also, they won’t introduce you to their parents and friends if they don’t think you two have a future together.
So, it’s definitely a sign he’s seriously into you if he’s willing to bring you around the people who are important to him. That means he sees potential in the relationship and may even believe that you’re his soulmate.
He may not have moved things to the next level or expressed how essential you are to him, but he’s not keeping your relationship a secret either.
3. He contacts you every day
Tell me, are you getting those surprise messages or calls throughout the day where he says how much he misses you and tells you that he’s thinking of you? If so, then you can be sure that he’s being serious about you despite wanting to take it slow.
Not only are you in his mind, but he also wants to keep up regular contact with you. This is a sign that only you have his attention.
A man who doesn’t call or text you isn’t thinking about starting a relationship with you. A man like that will only call you whenever it suits him, which is one of the main traits of narcissistic men and players.
4. He confides in you
Men generally don’t like to share their secrets with anyone or let any person see their vulnerable side. Instead, they play it pretty cool and don’t let their guards down.
Unless he’s certain he has a future with you. His vulnerability is reserved exclusively for the important woman in his life.
So if you see that your man confides in you even if he wants to take it slow, you can be sure that he’s being serious about you.
5. He talks about the future
This doesn’t necessarily refer to the big stuff, but to little things as well. Perhaps he makes a booking for the two of you at his favorite restaurant a month in advance, or asks you to join him at a family gathering he’s going to attend in a few weeks.
All those things are obvious clues that despite wanting to take it slow, he has an interest in you. He enjoys spending time with you, so that’s why he includes you in his future plans.
6. He always offers to help you
As I mentioned in the beginning, men want to feel needed in their lives. This puts him in a position to prove himself to you and show you that you’re important to him.
So, if he shows up at your house whenever you need something, it’s probably because he has serious feelings for you.
Don’t believe him if he says that he’s a fan of home improvement, because that’s definitely not the whole story. He came to see you.
This will definitely increase your chances of taking your relationship to the next level as it triggers his hero instinct. It’s one of those essential elements when it comes to forging a passionate and deep romantic relationship with any man.
Taking things slow, as simple as it sounds, can mean different things in dating. Coming from a guy, it might be him asking you to take a chill pill and slow your roll. Your partner may also feel that he’s falling faster than is comfortable for him, and that’s why he wants to take things a bit slower.
Some people can’t have anything meaningful with you unless they establish a friendship first. Others would want to get to know you when the relationship has kick-started already because it makes things more fun. These and more are likely reasons why a man might want to take it slow with you, although you can’t be sure which is which unless he tells you.
In many cases, this harmless, seemingly straightforward statement leaves you even more confused than you were about the kind of relationship this guy wants. If you’ve never had someone you were seeing tell you to slow down before, it would even be harder adjusting to this statement.
Is it a good thing that he wants to pump the brakes, or should you be concerned you’re losing your touch? I may not be able to give you the specific answer you seek, but you should be able to reconcile one or more of the following points with your situation.
Contents
What Does Taking It Slow Mean To A Guy?
1. He likes you
Dating speech might be universal, but in reality, it is as subjective as most things in a relationship. For instance, the first meaning I thought of was that he probably likes you because I have found that to be the case for many others from experience. Whereas another person may hold a different sentiment based on theirs.
What he said, how he said it, and how the guy has been acting after you had the speed-altering conversation, of course, all play a part. If he hasn’t changed at all, still wants to spend time with you, and hasn’t slowed down on getting to know you, he probably likes you. Otherwise, why ask you to slow down when he can just avoid you altogether?
2. Your partner is afraid of getting hurt
Now to the more common reason, he is probably protecting his heart. (Yes, guys do that too.) Perhaps he has been through some emotionally dark stuff in the past and is somehow convinced that if you two keep going the way you are, he’s on track to get back there soon.
Past experiences could be one of the major reasons this guy is insisting the relationship hits the brakes for now. He probably doesn’t want to put himself in a vulnerable situation or give someone the chance to break his heart again.
You might be wondering how this could be if you two are essentially strangers who have sex, but he could have caught feelings you never know. Or maybe he thinks you’re too good to be true, and the consequent insecurity is why he’s proactively trying to slow down the pace.
3. He just got out of a draining relationship
Protecting his feelings may or may not have anything to do with a messy past love affair. It’s possible he just took a huge step out of a faulty relationship and would like to take it easy when dating someone else. When we think of exes and past relationships, we often associate them with heartbreaks and betrayals, and why not? A lot of couples cheat.
However, sometimes the reason you don’t want to get into another relationship right away is not that you’re hurt or bitter or hung up on an ex, but that you’re tired. When men are just drained with no will to latch on to another person, they’ll make sure the relationship progresses on their terms. If that makes sense to you, then it could be one of your reasons.
4. He wants a lasting relationship with you
Maybe he’s rushed into things before, and it ended in tears for him. Most people have a pace that works for them, and sometimes we like to try something new when we meet a different person. He might be trying to feel things out by getting to know the real you.
The truth is, if his desire overcame him in the previous relationship and he rushed the connection, he’d try to think with his head this time. He’d ask the necessary questions, give the right answers and get to know all he needs to know before taking another serious step.
As opposed to what you might be thinking, he’s probably head over heels in love with you but has all the right reasons to ensure the connection is right and lasts this time. If this is true, then it’s probably for the best that he wants to take things slow so you can use that time to evaluate your new relationship before getting serious.
5. Your partner is uncomfortable with your pace
Then again, he might not be nurturing thoughts of a relationship with you or is afraid of catching feelings. He may simply have brought it up because you’re just too fast for him. He probably gets the sense you’re rushing somewhere and that he has somehow hopped along for the ride with you, but he has no idea why.
It’s not getting to some destination too soon that motivates him in this case, it’s that there’s no destination in his mind in the first place. So why endure this uncomfortable speed ride you’re dragging him along on?
6. It’s not that deep for your partner
Another possible meaning is that what you have is probably a casual relationship with your guy. You’re not friends with benefits if you haven’t both decided to be that, but you're probably not dating committedly either. So because he just wants to enjoy the experience, he needs to get some ideas out of your head without being too mean about it.
7. He’s hoping someone better comes along
It could also be that your guy likes you and everything, but his eyes are still on the many other beautiful women outside. His head is in the game, but his heart still longs for a certain mystery girl he hopes will look his day soon.
He probably thinks it’s easier to take it down a notch now than later, these are the signature thoughts of people who like to keep their options open.
8. He has a wife somewhere
Don’t be surprised if you find out later that the reason he wants to take things slow is that he’s planning his wedding. Or something crazier like he’s been married for years and is only slowing down because with you becoming a fixture in his life, his duties are starting to clash.
Or maybe there’s no wife, and he has a commitment elsewhere that you’re starting to get in the way of. The point is, his reason might be something you do not know, something only he is privy to, and that’s why he wants to slow the pace.
9. Your partner is trying to end things with someone else first
Notwithstanding, the above can be true and still be good news. (Assuming you actually want a relationship with this person.) Maybe he has a secret life, and it’s complicated, so he can’t just up and leave. But he’s considering it and trying to make it happen.
Juggling, putting an end to a commitment, and going full throttle into another relationship doesn’t sound like an easy task. There’s a lot of back and forth between couples who have been together for a while, and that’s why he needs you to be ‘patient’.
Therefore, his motivation for asking to pump the brakes might be so he can continue with you on a better footing. It’s also likely that he is not currently with anyone else but is working through some unresolved feelings.
10. He’s too busy for relationships
You know how you have ideas of what your ideal relationship would be like? The intentionality, making plans, when and when you should be hitting milestones?
Perhaps your partner thinks about that too and knows his schedule for the foreseeable future wouldn’t allow him the luxury of as much free time as he’d like.
That could be the drive behind his decision to take things slow because why rush into something you know within yourself you’re not available for yet?
11. He’s a non-committal kind of partner
For a non-committal, taking it slow can mean that you’re going too fast or that he’s trying to get out in front of it, so you know not to. Thankfully, you can probably guess this from spending time with a guy like that. This evasive behavior wouldn’t just manifest in his love life/relationship, it would reflect in other areas as well.
He gets restless if he holds the same job or stays with one person for a while, he’s never clear about his opinions or intentions on anything, etc. He basically avoids situations that feel like he’s getting tied down. Luckily, people like that make it known one way or another; maybe this is how he’s chosen to tell you.
12. He’s got what he wanted from you
Perhaps you met and clicked right away because you were both looking for the same thing at the time. It was like a match made in heaven because you felt like partners in a lot of ways. Then you began dating, and it looks like you’ve still got that connection until the slowing down talk comes up.
Maybe that thrill of clicking with you was what he needed at the time, or the sex, or the brief companionship. And now that the longing has been satisfied, he’s not really interested in going at that pace anymore.
13. Your partner is unsure of his feelings for you
Have you ever liked someone so much that you fear they may not be real feelings but infatuation or lust? Affairs of the heart aren’t always as straightforward as a physical attraction where your body’s reactions confirm to the other person you’re ready to get down.
This is even more likely if you two haven’t had sex yet, but you clearly have the hots for each other. He may want to take things slow if he’s confused about his feelings for you and what that would mean for the relationship. I don’t know about you, but that kind of thing might make me want to press pause to avoid unnecessary complications.
14. Wrong timing
Not everyone is at that point in their life where they have everything figured out. So as much as he may want to get to know you, once something else comes up, he’ll probably feel the need to back things up. Wrong timing can drive one to such decisions. Maybe he’s unsettled at work, just suffered a personal tragedy, or some other unexpected thing happened. It can be anything.
Many guys want to take their time when getting to know someone, but when reality hits, that would probably be the founder or reason for this, ‘let’s take it slow’ talk. Personally, I think it’s only right that he tells you what his motivations are in a situation like this.
15. Your partner wants to eat his cake and have it
Another possible reason might be greed. He wants the benefits of commitment without actually asking for it. Unlike the non-committal, this one may not necessarily be upfront with the fact that he doesn’t want a serious relationship. He will let you run with the idea of being together for as long as he can manage without having to say it.
In this case, this request to take it slow might be a preemptive move against the “what are we conversation” if you have been showing signs of initiating one. It can also come shortly after.
16. He just wants sex
You met, you had sex, it was great, so you made it a thing, there were no questions of what would be, just pure intimacy and desire. Sex is a huge part of relationships, but when both sides are not on the same page on whether you’re dating or just hooking up, hitches come up.
When you know someone romantically, it doesn’t mean they’re open to relationships. Therefore, your partner could be considering taking things slow with you because you’ve given him cause to believe you want more than he does. Perhaps you’ve been asking him questions about relationships and commitments that he doesn’t want to answer.
17. He’s not ready to have sex yet
On the other hand, your male partner can also ask to take it slow if he doesn’t want things to get sexual between you just yet. People have different views of intimacy; where others want to act on their urges right away when they like someone, some prefer to take their time and build a solid relationship first.
But at the end of the day, we are all humans, and continued exposure to you could be making it harder for your partner to keep up with that discipline. For this man, taking it slow might mean seeing less of each other in secluded places, less flirting, or whatever else helps keep his mind off the deed.
18. Your partner is still figuring out what he wants
I envy people who can tell right away that this is how they feel or what they want. It doesn’t readily occur to some of us, and being put on the spot while we’re still trying to figure it out certainly does not help.
It could be that your partner has more to consider than just his feelings or physical pleasure. Maybe he’s learned from his and other people’s past relationships and experiences that basing a relationship solely on desire isn’t the best way to go. In which case, taking things slow might actually be best for all parties involved.
19. He enjoys making girls who like him anxious
That back and forth from being unsure of where you stand that makes you twice as careful with everything? Maybe he likes that. The time when you can tell cupid is working by how busy both your hearts get when you interact, some people live for those moments. Maybe there’s a better way to put it or a professional word I can’t think of right now, but it’s totally a thing.
He might be getting some validation from knowing he can make you fall in love (or like) with him and just want to savor that for as long as he possibly can. When you think about how fast things get stale when rushed into a new relationship, it doesn’t feel like such a crazy idea that this guy would want to take things slow.
20. What you currently have works for him and he doesn’t want to ruin it
I don’t know what it is about relationships that make us want to rush to the endpoint and live happily ever after once we fall in love. One minute you’re flirting with each other, the next, you’re going out before you know it, you’re already discussing exclusivity and stuff. Everything just feels rushed in the dating scene.
Your partner can ask to take things slow if he wants to break away from the invisible relationship ‘time frame’ everyone follows. They want to live in the moment and enjoy this connection you have instead of missing out on the present at every step in pursuit of the future.
21. He wants you to make the exit decision
Finally, asking to take it slow can be your partner’s way of suggesting that you step up and be the one to call it. This would make more sense if you two have been dating on and off for a while. He might bring it up at a point where the relationship should be showing some form of progress and not moving backward.
Then he makes it feel like the ball is in your court, forcing you to make the hard decision while he hides behind the “I’m fine with whatever you decide,” statement.
FAQs
Someone who is taking it slow continues to show that they care even if it wouldn’t be quite as intense as if they were going full speed. On the other hand, someone with truly no interest wouldn’t be concerned about nurturing your connection.
A girl might want to take things slow if she sees the possibility of a serious relationship and is trying to take her time. It could be she’s trying to sort out her feelings or isn’t ready for intense relationships at the moment. And for others, it might merely mean she’s not ready to have sex yet.
Taking things slow is the best way to approach a new relationship, as we tend to overlook things in those early stages. The more time you give it, the fewer surprises you’re likely to discover along the line. You may not be able to grow your connection, be yourselves, or address red flags as well when you rush things.
Reduced communication can indicate a loss of interest on your partner’s part or that his attention is being focused elsewhere at the moment. He may have other professional relationships or priorities to attend to. It may also mean he’s secure enough in your relationship and doesn’t think he needs to text as much any longer.
If your partner tends to be heavy on the charm yet has a history of never starting a relationship with the girls he goes out with, he’s probably a player. You may find that he keeps interactions purely physical and on the surface while implying that he wouldn’t be opposed to more to keep you around.
In Conclusion
If you have the chance to get to know your guy before the whole space thing comes up, you can probably guess which of the above is likely to be his meaning. Still, I’d like to reiterate that the only way to make sure is if you heard it from the horse’s mouth. If the truth is what you’re fishing for, a conversation with your partner should be in order. So, did you find the article helpful? If yes, kindly leave a comment and share it with someone.
Sarah Mayfield
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.
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