Remember the first time you fell in love? It was all you could think about and you thought it dating guy that has teenager last forever. Combine that with what you know about all the physical and emotional changes your dating guy that has teenager is going through. Now it’s easy to see why teen relationships can become so intense so quickly.

Learning from the good and bad

Dating can affect a teen in both positive and negative ways. Teens can learn from both the good and the bad. Dating can help build self-esteem, help teens discover who they are, and help build social and relationship skills. Learning how to be part of a healthy relationship is an important skill to develop.

Parents should try to help teens understand that healthy relationships are based on several factors, including  respect, honesty, fidelity (faithfulness), good communication and the absence of violence. Dating can help teens learn what goes into a healthy relationship.

But dating has a negative side, too. It can also hurt a teen’s self-esteem. It can reinforce stereotypical gender roles. Or it can give a teen unrealistic expectations about relationships.

Teens mature physically long before they fully mature socially and understand adult issues. Those include the emotions involved in an intimate relationship. This is why parents should be ready to help teens set guidelines on when they are ready to date. They also should help teens understand when a relationship is getting too intense or unhealthy.

When are teens ready to date?

When a teen is ready to date is a question each family must answer based on their own values.

On average, dating guy that has teenager, girls begin dating when they're 12 1/2 and boys begin dating at age 13 1/2. But keep in mind that dating at this age occurs in mixed-gender (coed) groups. As a result, where young people spend just as much time interacting with friends as they do with their “date.”

Interest in dating usually develops in stages. Teens often move from same-gender groups to coed groups to one-on-one relationships. Many parents and professionals recommend teens wait until they are 16 years old to begin single dating. This guideline can vary by teen dating guy that has teenager by community.

Although these first dating relationships typically do not last, do not dismiss them as unimportant. When teens have the freedom to move in and out of relationships, they learn more about themselves and others. These relationships can be intense and cause emotional upset when a break dating guy that has teenager occurs. Your child may need reassurance if this happens.

These relationships are really important in the moment to your teen.

Setting rules for teen dating

Dating is a new experience for teens. And it's a new experience for parents to see their children dating. Here are some guidelines to help parents set rules about dating:

• Know who your teen is dating.
• Know where your teen is going on a date and the couple's plans. Don’t jump to conclusions about what dating means for your teen. Early dating often means spending time with a group of friends, not spending time one-on-one.  It may also mean mainly texting and having other online interactions.
• Set guidelines on where, when, and how often your teen goes on a date.
• Keep in mind that there is a fine line between interest and intrusion. Many teens talk with their parents about their feelings, but a parent should not press or demand that a teen tell every detail of every date. That is intrusion.

Setting teen curfews

Whose job is it to decide what time a teen should be home from a date: the city’s, the parent’s, or the teen’s?

The short answer is all of the above. Many cities have their own curfews for how late teens can be out. This information is often available online. For example, in Hennepin County, depending on age, the curfew ranges from 9 p.m. to midnight (see Hennepin County: Curfew). Families should also set their own curfew rules that take into consideration what a teen is doing, who's with him or her, and where he or she is going.

When it comes to curfews, keep these points in mind:

• Teens do want limits. Boundaries are reassuring because they show you care.
• Curfews should be set only after considering many things: How much sleep does your teen need? What other responsibilities does your teen have? What are typical curfews for their friends? Are these reasonable in your view?  What are they doing when they’re out? Don’t set a 10pm curfew if the movie they’re seeing doesn’t end until 10:30.
• Involve your teen in making decisions about curfew, including consequences for missing it.
• Let your teen know that abiding by a curfew shows responsibility and maturity. The more of these traits you see in your teen, the more lenient you may be in the future about curfews.

Spotting teen dating violence

Watch for warning signs of dating violence. Far too dating guy that has teenager teens are hurt in abusive and exploitive christian disbaled 100% free dating sites. These can have life-long consequences.

Dating violence doesn’t start with a black eye on the reddit gamer dating app date. Abuse can be much more subtle and conveyed verbally rather than physically. A lot of emotional abuse, including pressure to be physically intimate, share inappropriate photos or have sex may occur before the first slap, push or grab.

Here are signs of an abusive partner:

• Abusive partners control their partner's activities and companions.
• Abusive partners usually show a lot of jealousy or possessiveness. Parents may notice that their teen no longer hangs out with friends.
• Abusive partners have short tempers.
• Abusive partners will often belittle or put down their partner.

Teens are often confused and scared when abuse or sexual assault occurs in a relationship. They aren’t sure how to tell a parent, dating guy that has teenager. Parents may have to ask teens directly if they have been hurt.

If teens disclose relationship abuse, believe them. Make sure teens know that abuse or sexual assault is not their fault. Contact a local sexual assault or domestic abuse program for help.

It's bound to happen. Your teen starts dating someone you don't approve of or don't like. In fact, it is a classic dilemma almost every parent will face at one point in their life. But how do you best handle this situation? Is it better to tell your teen exactly how you really feel, or do you keep your feelings to yourself? This situation is one that requires special consideration—and very careful word choices—if and when you address it. In other words, it is best to tread very lightly.

Start With Self-Reflection

Start by asking yourself if you are being judgmental or making unfair assumptions about your teen's dating partner. For instance, are you letting your personal biases or expectations enter into the equation? Are you dating guy that has teenager about things like religion, race, or even socioeconomic status?

If these things dating guy that has teenager at the root of your concern, then it might be a good idea to take a step back and engage in some self-reflection. If these issues are not among your concerns momo dating site you feel you have good reason to object to the person your teen is dating, then proceed with caution.

In general, it's not a good idea to criticize teens about their dating choices. You should avoid lecturing or offering too much advice. No matter how well-intentioned, when parents come full force to express their displeasure, their teens are bound to not only ignore them but also find the object of their affection even more attractive. You may find that your plan backfires as your teen may delve deeper into a relationship that you had hoped would be short-lived.

Tips

Below are some suggestions on how to navigate this minefield without blowing up your relationship with your teen.

Ask Questions

Before jumping to conclusions about your teen's choice in dating partners, start by asking questions. The key is to find out what your teen is thinking and what attracts them to this person. Ask dating guy that has teenager

• How did you two meet?
• What are your dating partner's interests?
• What do you enjoy doing together?
• What do you like about this person?
• What do you like best about the relationship?

Be sure you are open-minded and truly listen to your teen's answers. Teens can tell when parents are trying to put them on the spot, or are dating guy that has teenager reasons why the relationship won't work. If you are not in a place where you can genuinely ask questions and be open to the answers, then you may want to hold off on asking about your teen's dating partner.

Trust Your Teen

Remind yourself that you raised your teenager. You worked hard to instill values, and you have to trust your teen to make good decisions—eventually.

Even though teenagers can often sense parental dating guy that has teenager, they still need to follow their own path and make their own decisions.

Extend an Invite

Refrain from making any quick judgments about your teen's dating choice, and instead take some time to get to know the person. Invite your teen's dating how to recognize and online dating scammer over for dinner or to attend a family outing. Entrepreneur dating site, watch how your teen interacts with this person. Are there redeeming qualities about this person that you may have overlooked?

Try to see what your teen sees instead of focusing on what you disapprove of or dislike. Keep an open mind and you may find that you are pleasantly surprised.

Look for Positive Traits

When parents are around their teens and their romantic partners, it's important that they keep an open mind. Try to view the relationship through your teen's eyes. What does your teen see in this person? What is the attraction? Understanding where your teen is coming from will go a long way in equipping you with the understanding and empathy you'll need.

If you do this, you will be less likely to say things like "I never liked him anyway," or "I knew she was no good" if your teen goes through a rough patch or needs to talk about a problem in the relationship. While you may be right, you don't want to emphasize that. It is much more effective and better for your relationship with your child if you have a real understanding of the initial attraction and the loss your teen may be experiencing if and when the relationship comes to an end.

Make an Effort

As much as you may not like who your teen is dating, be sure to make every effort to be kind, respectful, and approachable. Dating guy that has teenager, if you choose to be rude and standoff-ish, dating guy that has teenager, you will likely receive the same treatment in return, dating guy that has teenager. Consequently, parents should do what they can to make their teen's significant other feel welcome in their home.

Making an effort to be welcoming can help your teen's dating partner relax and put forth the best version of themselves. Try striking up a conversation or offering a genuine compliment. The key is to demonstrate to your teen and their partner that you want to get to know them better. No one enjoys being in a home where they feel unwelcome. So make sure you do your best to be inviting.

Additionally, keep in mind, if the two lovebirds are comfortable in your home, it will be easier for you to observe the relationship and monitor how it develops. 

Take a Long-Term View

As difficult as it might be for parents to watch their teen date someone who they feel is not right for them, it's important that parents not rush in to change things. It is much more effective for parents to take a long-term view of the relationship. Most likely, this relationship is not going to last. Rarely do high school sweethearts make it to the altar. So, it can be very calming to remind yourself that the relationship will likely run its course and you just need to be patient.

In fact, according to the Pew Research Center, only 35% of teens have some experience with dating relationships, and only 18% are actually in relationships. So, the likelihood that this relationship is going to be long-term is low. 

Give Your Teen Space

Teens need to learn how to make and deal with their own decisions. They also need the freedom to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. If you focus on ending their relationships or micromanaging the situation, it disrupts their learning process and sabotages your teen's self-esteem and self-confidence.

It's important to allow teens the space to discover who they are, in terms of dating. If given space, they will likely dating guy that has teenager both what they want and don't want in a relationship—all of which are important to their future relationships. 

Don't Make Threats

Giving your teen an ultimatum is never a good idea. Doing so will only alienate your child. Plus, should your teen keep dating this person, they are much less likely to let you know when your help is actually wanted or needed. The fear is that you will say, "I told you so."

As much as you might think this relationship is a bad idea, never resort to threatening your teen in order to get what you want. These tactics are controlling and dating guy that has teenager and rarely produce the results you want.

Discipline Strategies for Teens

Choose Words Carefully

If you witness something you don't think is appropriate, it's important that you express yourself in a calm and respectful manner. Remember, your teen cares about this person and is likely going to be defensive. Sometimes, it is helpful to speak in dating guy that has teenager terms when expressing your concerns.

For example, if you witness your teen's dating partner criticizing what they are wearing, you could bring it up by asking how it makes them feel. Ask what they think rather than offering your opinion. The goal is to help them would realize that this behavior is not part of a respectful, healthy relationship. 

How to Talk to Your Teen

Keep Communication Open

Check in with your teen from time to time about the relationship, dating guy that has teenager. Teens should feel that if they are having a problem in their relationship, they can come to their parents for help without fear of being criticized.

Consequently, it's important that your teen feels safe coming to you and believes that you will help, even if you have a different opinion. Make sure your teen feels OK seeing things differently from you, and it will go a long way in keeping the lines of communication open.

Have the Sex Talk (Again)

If your teen is dating, it is likely that you have already talked about sex, sexting, sexual assault, and other hot-button issues that need to be addressed with teens. And while you may believe dating guy that has teenager may be little risk of your teen becoming sexually active, or worse, being assaulted, it is always a good idea to talk about these issues with your teen.

A few reminders never hurt anyone. Sure, it might make you both uncomfortable, but being educated dating guy that has teenager an important part of handling intimacy in a healthy way.

Also, keep in mind that, according to Pew Research Center, most teens in romantic relationships are not sexually active. 

Intervene If There Is Abuse

When it comes to intervening or putting an end to a teen relationship, the exception to the rule involves teen dating violence and abuse. You should never just sit by if you fear your teen's safety, both emotional and physical. While you should not assume you can take complete control of the situation, you do need to guide your teen on how to end the relationship and stay safe.

In extreme cases, this might mean contacting the police, getting a restraining order, and working with your teen's school on a safety plan. Also, it is important that the relationship ends on your teen's timing. Rushing into a breakup too soon can not only cause the two to get back together, but it also could put your teen at an increased risk for harm.

The organization "Love Is Respect" offers talk, dating guy that has teenager, text, and online chat options for people dealing with dating abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) has counselors available day or night to talk, and the website offers the ability to chat live online. The key is to let teens know that they are not alone. Aside from you, they have an entire network of people that want to help them. 

A Word From Verywell

Remember that most teens, and even some young adults, yearn for the approval and acceptance of their parents, even if they claim otherwise. Keep this in mind when you do discuss the relationship, and remember that it is wise to not push your teen or try to control the situation. Most likely, and with your help, your teen will eventually recognize that the relationship is not a good fit.

Until then, you need to be sure dating guy that has teenager are keeping any hostile disapproval under wraps. The last thing any parent wants to do is push their teen closer to their partner and further from themselves.

Thanks for your feedback!

Tell Us That You're Dating

Ask If We’re Ready to Meet Your Plus-One

Don't Expect Us to Love Your Partner Immediately

The Bottom Line

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as dating guy that has teenager as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

• Mutual respect. Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect dating guy that has teenager a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
• Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
• Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
• Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling free adult dating website but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life. In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a gay younger for older dating site You need to have give-and-take dating guy that has teenager your relationship. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
• Separate identities. Dating guy that has teenager a healthy relationship, dating guy that has teenager, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
• Good communication. Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you? Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

Page 1

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior, dating guy that has teenager. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not!

Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, dating guy that has teenager, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

• get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
• criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
• keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
• want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
• ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
• try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't words with friends dating site only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe. 

It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.

Page 2

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when dating guy that has teenager don't love yourself? It's a big relationship dating guy that has teenager when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, dating guy that has teenager don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

What if you feel dating guy that has teenager your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you. Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner.

Also, intense relationships can be hard for some teens. Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, dating guy that has teenager, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you. And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move.

Relationships can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, dating guy that has teenager, too. Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people.

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.

Being a parent is one of the most challenging tasks in life, but parenting teenagers can be the ultimate challenge. Teenagers endure immense changes in their lives, especially when it comes to their physical body and their hormones. When parenting teens it is inevitable that they will start to wonder about things such as dating and romance, and it might be a scary conversation to have.

While relationships and dating may be fun for teens, it also comes with risks that should be discussed with a parent or guardian in a safe environment. According to studies, one in three teens says that they know someone who has been physically assaulted by a dating partner. It is important to open the dialogue with your teen to discuss potential risks of dating violence, provide sex education and establish an open and safe space for conversation in your family in the event someone finds themselves in a risky situation.

“Before opening dialogue with your teen, it’s really important to have established trust,” says Shannon Wallmarker, Teen Pregnancy Prevention Specialist at Centerstone, “If they expect a negative reaction or judgment, they’re likely not going to be open to any kind of discussion.” When the space feels safe and comfortable for everyone, try to use open-ended questions to bring up the information you want them to know. Ask questions such as, What do you think a healthy relationship looks like? What do you think dating violence looks like? Use this as a way to educate your teen and let them view you as a reliable source of information.

Teen dating violence poses many risks that include psychologically abusive behaviors such as manipulation, isolation from friends and family and coercion in addition to physically abusive behaviors like sexual assault or domestic violence. Remember when you’re discussing sensitive information on topics like dating violence to also share examples of healthy relationships! Empowering your teen to recognize and use healthy behaviors when they start dating will help them to identify those dating guy that has teenager flags. Healthy relationship dating guy that has teenager look like effective communication, mutual respect, honesty, compromise, problem-solving, understanding, confidence, individuality, responsibility and more.

“Consider the relationships that are being modeled in your teen’s life. What behaviors are present? Really try to make an effort and model those healthy behaviors for your teen,” says Wallmarker. There are many risks to dating, but parents might be able to implement these practices and stay involved to better notice red flags or behaviors that might be unsafe for your teen:

• Ask questions. “Be involved in your teen’s life by asking questions about their partner,” says Wallmarker, “Teens typically get excited when they start dating someone new. Some will want to talk about them while others won’t. Both are normal reactions, but keep the door for conversation open by showing your interest.” Try to ask questions about your teen’s partner and how their friends feel about them. Remember to keep an open mind!
• Meet the partner. Get to know your teen’s partner by offering to take them to their dates or chaperone. This is one way to stay involved by watching how your teen and their partner interact to notice red flags or abusive behaviors, dating guy that has teenager. It also is a way to promote more interaction between parents and their teen’s partner to add value in your teen’s happiness.
• Offer safety. It is important for teens to feel dating guy that has teenager with their parents. Try to offer safety plans with your teen, not just for dates but also with outings with friends. If your child feels unsafe, empower them to say no to anything they don’t want to do, and set something in place that will let best mexican dating app know that you will be there for them in times of need.
• Show care. No matter what, the most important thing you can do is show that you care. If you notice red flags or strange behavior from your teen try to approach them in a sensitive manner. Try to make your inquiries and concerns more about your teen and their wellbeing.

There are many lessons that teens and parents can learn from each other so try to create a space that is full of safety and education for your family.

If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence or mental health struggles, Centerstone can help. Call 1-877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) for more information.

So you're dating a great guy with a promising future, but there's one person who could make or break your relationship -- his teenage daughter. Being a teen with a dating parent can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Dating is also a balancing act for parents trying to stay connected with their teen while looking for new romance, according to the article, “Surviving (Your Child’s) Adolescence,” by psychologist Carl Pickhardt in Psychology Today. Women may have a bigger challenge bonding with a partner’s kids than men. Constance Ahrons’ research, “Family Ties After Divorce: Long-Term Implications for Children,” found children have a more difficult time adjusting to a stepmother than a stepfather. Even though winning over his daughter may be a challenge, there are some ways to increase your chances for success.

Respect Their Time Together

Stay Under the Radar

Let Dad Be the Disciplinarian

Don't Try to Mother Her

Tell Us That You're Dating

Ask If We’re Ready to Meet Your Plus-One

Don't Expect Us to Love Your Partner Immediately

The Bottom Line

It's bound to happen. Your teen starts dating someone you don't approve of or don't like. In fact, it is a classic dilemma almost every parent will face at one point in their life. But how do you best handle this situation? Is it better to tell your teen exactly how you really feel, or do you keep your feelings to yourself? This situation is one that requires special consideration—and very careful word choices—if and when you address it. In other words, it is best to tread very lightly.

Start With Self-Reflection

Start by asking yourself if you are being judgmental or making unfair assumptions about your teen's dating partner. For instance, are you letting your personal biases or expectations enter into the equation? Are you upset about things like religion, race, or even socioeconomic status?

If these things are at the root of your concern, then it might be a good idea to take a step back and engage in some self-reflection. If these issues are not among your concerns and you feel you have good reason to object to the person your teen is dating, then proceed with caution.

In general, it's not a good idea to criticize teens about their dating choices. You should avoid lecturing or offering too much advice. No matter how well-intentioned, when parents come full force to express their displeasure, their teens are bound to not only ignore them but also find the object of their affection even more attractive. You may find that your plan backfires as your teen may delve deeper into a relationship that you had hoped would be short-lived.

Tips

Below are some suggestions on how to navigate this minefield without blowing up your relationship with your teen.

Ask Questions

Before jumping to conclusions about your teen's choice in dating partners, start by asking questions. The key is to find out what your teen is thinking and what attracts them to this person. Ask them:

• How did you two meet?
• What are your dating partner's interests?
• What do you enjoy doing together?
• What do you like about this person?
• What do you like best about the relationship?

Be sure you are open-minded and truly listen to your teen's answers. Teens can tell when parents are trying to put them on the spot, or are highlighting reasons why the relationship won't work. If you are not in a place where you can genuinely ask questions and be open to the answers, then you may want to hold off on asking about your teen's dating partner.

Trust Your Teen

Remind yourself that you raised your teenager. You worked hard to instill values, and you have to trust your teen to make good decisions—eventually.

Even though teenagers can often sense parental disapproval, they still need to follow their own path and make their own decisions.

Extend an Invite

Refrain from making any quick judgments about your teen's dating choice, and instead take some time to get to know the person. Invite your teen's dating partner over for dinner or to attend a family outing. Then, watch how your teen interacts with this person. Are there redeeming qualities about this person that you may have overlooked?

Try to see what your teen sees instead of focusing on what you disapprove of or dislike. Keep an open mind and you may find that you are pleasantly surprised.

Look for Positive Traits

When parents are around their teens and their romantic partners, it's important that they keep an open mind. Try to view the relationship through your teen's eyes. What does your teen see in this person? What is the attraction? Understanding where your teen is coming from will go a long way in equipping you with the understanding and empathy you'll need.

If you do this, you will be less likely to say things like "I never liked him anyway," or "I knew she was no good" if your teen goes through a rough patch or needs to talk about a problem in the relationship. While you may be right, you don't want to emphasize that. It is much more effective and better for your relationship with your child if you have a real understanding of the initial attraction and the loss your teen may be experiencing if and when the relationship comes to an end.

Make an Effort

As much as you may not like who your teen is dating, be sure to make every effort to be kind, respectful, and approachable. Remember, if you choose to be rude and standoff-ish, you will likely receive the same treatment in return. Consequently, parents should do what they can to make their teen's significant other feel welcome in their home.

Making an effort to be welcoming can help your teen's dating partner relax and put forth the best version of themselves. Try striking up a conversation or offering a genuine compliment. The key is to demonstrate to your teen and their partner that you want to get to know them better. No one enjoys being in a home where they feel unwelcome. So make sure you do your best to be inviting.

Additionally, keep in mind, if the two lovebirds are comfortable in your home, it will be easier for you to observe the relationship and monitor how it develops. 

Take a Long-Term View

As difficult as it might be for parents to watch their teen date someone who they feel is not right for them, it's important that parents not rush in to change things. It is much more effective for parents to take a long-term view of the relationship. Most likely, this relationship is not going to last. Rarely do high school sweethearts make it to the altar. So, it can be very calming to remind yourself that the relationship will likely run its course and you just need to be patient.

In fact, according to the Pew Research Center, only 35% of teens have some experience with dating relationships, and only 18% are actually in relationships. So, the likelihood that this relationship is going to be long-term is low. 

Give Your Teen Space

Teens need to learn how to make and deal with their own decisions. They also need the freedom to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. If you focus on ending their relationships or micromanaging the situation, it disrupts their learning process and sabotages your teen's self-esteem and self-confidence.

It's important to allow teens the space to discover who they are, in terms of dating. If given space, they will likely discover both what they want and don't want in a relationship—all of which are important to their future relationships. 

Don't Make Threats

Giving your teen an ultimatum is never a good idea. Doing so will only alienate your child. Plus, should your teen keep dating this person, they are much less likely to let you know when your help is actually wanted or needed. The fear is that you will say, "I told you so."

As much as you might think this relationship is a bad idea, never resort to threatening your teen in order to get what you want. These tactics are controlling and abusive and rarely produce the results you want.

Discipline Strategies for Teens

Choose Words Carefully

If you witness something you don't think is appropriate, it's important that you express yourself in a calm and respectful manner. Remember, your teen cares about this person and is likely going to be defensive. Sometimes, it is helpful to speak in general terms when expressing your concerns.

For example, if you witness your teen's dating partner criticizing what they are wearing, you could bring it up by asking how it makes them feel. Ask what they think rather than offering your opinion. The goal is to help them would realize that this behavior is not part of a respectful, healthy relationship. 

How to Talk to Your Teen

Keep Communication Open

Check in with your teen from time to time about the relationship. Teens should feel that if they are having a problem in their relationship, they can come to their parents for help without fear of being criticized.

Consequently, it's important that your teen feels safe coming to you and believes that you will help, even if you have a different opinion. Make sure your teen feels OK seeing things differently from you, and it will go a long way in keeping the lines of communication open.

Have the Sex Talk (Again)

If your teen is dating, it is likely that you have already talked about sex, sexting, sexual assault, and other hot-button issues that need to be addressed with teens. And while you may believe there may be little risk of your teen becoming sexually active, or worse, being assaulted, it is always a good idea to talk about these issues with your teen.

A few reminders never hurt anyone. Sure, it might make you both uncomfortable, but being educated is an important part of handling intimacy in a healthy way.

Also, keep in mind that, according to Pew Research Center, most teens in romantic relationships are not sexually active. 

Intervene If There Is Abuse

When it comes to intervening or putting an end to a teen relationship, the exception to the rule involves teen dating violence and abuse. You should never just sit by if you fear your teen's safety, both emotional and physical. While you should not assume you can take complete control of the situation, you do need to guide your teen on how to end the relationship and stay safe.

In extreme cases, this might mean contacting the police, getting a restraining order, and working with your teen's school on a safety plan. Also, it is important that the relationship ends on your teen's timing. Rushing into a breakup too soon can not only cause the two to get back together, but it also could put your teen at an increased risk for harm.

The organization "Love Is Respect" offers talk, text, and online chat options for people dealing with dating abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) has counselors available day or night to talk, and the website offers the ability to chat live online. The key is to let teens know that they are not alone. Aside from you, they have an entire network of people that want to help them. 

A Word From Verywell

Remember that most teens, and even some young adults, yearn for the approval and acceptance of their parents, even if they claim otherwise. Keep this in mind when you do discuss the relationship, and remember that it is wise to not push your teen or try to control the situation. Most likely, and with your help, your teen will eventually recognize that the relationship is not a good fit.

Until then, you need to be sure you are keeping any hostile disapproval under wraps. The last thing any parent wants to do is push their teen closer to their partner and further from themselves.

Thanks for your feedback!

A therapist specializing in teen mental health, a mom, and relationship counselors weigh in.

When you were your teenager’s age, you couldn’t wait to date. Your teen, however, might show no interest at all. Should you be concerned?

THE COUNSELORS FOCUSED ON BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS SAY…

“Dating and not dating are both totally normal behaviors for teens. Maybe they’re perfectly happy being single, or a friend had a bad dating experience. Maybe between school, friends, and extracurricular activities they just don’t have the time. Being able to have a conversation about dating with your teen is more important than focusing on the reason why they aren’t interested.

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Dating is just one of the types of relationships we experience, including those with friends, family, teammates, coworkers, etc. If a teen doesn’t want to talk about dating relationships, try talking about overall relationship skills like assertive communication, boundary-setting, and building trust, which are as important in non-romantic relationships as romantic ones.

Approach conversations willing to listen—resist the urge to lecture—to encourage teens to talk more openly.”

—Nick Sabolik, intervention specialist, and Mollie Putnam, prevention manager at Project PAVE, an organization dedicated to helping youth build healthy relationships

THE THERAPIST FOR TEENS SAYS…

“Teens are trying to figure out who they are, who they want to be, and who their community is —meaning people who understand and accept their different identities. When we date someone, we’re adding to, or taking away from, our community. Whether we’re going to engage in dating someone has a lot to do with that community piece.

Studies show that youth who opted out of dating had less depression overall, and greater social skills. It seems counterintuitive because the narrative is that dating builds social skills, which can be true. But when you date, you focus your social skills on one type of person. When you don’t date, you focus on enhancing your social skills with whomever is around you.”

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—Lena McCain, founder and lead psychotherapist, Interfaith Bridge Counseling, PLLC

THE MOM SAYS…

“Neither of our kids shows an interest in dating but they do hang out in friend groups. My son has some anxiety issues and is focused on school right now. My daughter says dating isn’t a big thing these days, plus, she wants to avoid relationship drama.

Lots of kids are figuring out their sexuality and gender identity, so pushing too hard for them to date is not necessarily helpful. We just hope they find someone to make them happy eventually and that not “practicing” dating won’t impede them when the right person comes along. In some ways, I think the longer they wait, the more they’ll know themselves and know what they’re looking for. Once they’ve had the chance to live away from home and explore their environments on their own, they’re more likely to find a person who fits with their lifestyle.”

—Melinda H., Denver mom of son, age 20, and daughter, age 18

This article appeared in the February 2022 issue of Colorado Parent.

Courtney Drake-McDonough is a Denver native, writer, editor, and mom of four.

Remember the first time you fell in love? It was all you could think about and you thought it would last forever. Combine that with what you know about all the physical and emotional changes your teen is going through. Now it’s easy to see why teen relationships can become so intense so quickly.

Learning from the good and bad

Dating can affect a teen in both positive and negative ways. Teens can learn from both the good and the bad. Dating can help build self-esteem, help teens discover who they are, and help build social and relationship skills. Learning how to be part of a healthy relationship is an important skill to develop.

Parents should try to help teens understand that healthy relationships are based on several factors, including  respect, honesty, fidelity (faithfulness), good communication and the absence of violence. Dating can help teens learn what goes into a healthy relationship.

But dating has a negative side, too. It can also hurt a teen’s self-esteem. It can reinforce stereotypical gender roles. Or it can give a teen unrealistic expectations about relationships.

Teens mature physically long before they fully mature socially and understand adult issues. Those include the emotions involved in an intimate relationship. This is why parents should be ready to help teens set guidelines on when they are ready to date. They also should help teens understand when a relationship is getting too intense or unhealthy.

When are teens ready to date?

When a teen is ready to date is a question each family must answer based on their own values.

On average, girls begin dating when they're 12 1/2 and boys begin dating at age 13 1/2. But keep in mind that dating at this age occurs in mixed-gender (coed) groups. As a result, where young people spend just as much time interacting with friends as they do with their “date.”

Interest in dating usually develops in stages. Teens often move from same-gender groups to coed groups to one-on-one relationships. Many parents and professionals recommend teens wait until they are 16 years old to begin single dating. This guideline can vary by teen and by community.

Although these first dating relationships typically do not last, do not dismiss them as unimportant. When teens have the freedom to move in and out of relationships, they learn more about themselves and others. These relationships can be intense and cause emotional upset when a break up occurs. Your child may need reassurance if this happens.

These relationships are really important in the moment to your teen.

Setting rules for teen dating

Dating is a new experience for teens. And it's a new experience for parents to see their children dating. Here are some guidelines to help parents set rules about dating:

• Know who your teen is dating.
• Know where your teen is going on a date and the couple's plans. Don’t jump to conclusions about what dating means for your teen. Early dating often means spending time with a group of friends, not spending time one-on-one.  It may also mean mainly texting and having other online interactions.
• Set guidelines on where, when, and how often your teen goes on a date.
• Keep in mind that there is a fine line between interest and intrusion. Many teens talk with their parents about their feelings, but a parent should not press or demand that a teen tell every detail of every date. That is intrusion.

Setting teen curfews

Whose job is it to decide what time a teen should be home from a date: the city’s, the parent’s, or the teen’s?

The short answer is all of the above. Many cities have their own curfews for how late teens can be out. This information is often available online. For example, in Hennepin County, depending on age, the curfew ranges from 9 p.m. to midnight (see Hennepin County: Curfew). Families should also set their own curfew rules that take into consideration what a teen is doing, who's with him or her, and where he or she is going.

When it comes to curfews, keep these points in mind:

• Teens do want limits. Boundaries are reassuring because they show you care.
• Curfews should be set only after considering many things: How much sleep does your teen need? What other responsibilities does your teen have? What are typical curfews for their friends? Are these reasonable in your view?  What are they doing when they’re out? Don’t set a 10pm curfew if the movie they’re seeing doesn’t end until 10:30.
• Involve your teen in making decisions about curfew, including consequences for missing it.
• Let your teen know that abiding by a curfew shows responsibility and maturity. The more of these traits you see in your teen, the more lenient you may be in the future about curfews.

Spotting teen dating violence

Watch for warning signs of dating violence. Far too many teens are hurt in abusive and exploitive relationships. These can have life-long consequences.

Dating violence doesn’t start with a black eye on the first date. Abuse can be much more subtle and conveyed verbally rather than physically. A lot of emotional abuse, including pressure to be physically intimate, share inappropriate photos or have sex may occur before the first slap, push or grab.

Here are signs of an abusive partner:

• Abusive partners control their partner's activities and companions.
• Abusive partners usually show a lot of jealousy or possessiveness. Parents may notice that their teen no longer hangs out with friends.
• Abusive partners have short tempers.
• Abusive partners will often belittle or put down their partner.

Teens are often confused and scared when abuse or sexual assault occurs in a relationship. They aren’t sure how to tell a parent. Parents may have to ask teens directly if they have been hurt.

If teens disclose relationship abuse, believe them. Make sure teens know that abuse or sexual assault is not their fault. Contact a local sexual assault or domestic abuse program for help.

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

• Mutual respect. Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.
• Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
• Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.
• Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life. In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
• Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
• Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
• Good communication. Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you? Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

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What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not!

Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

• get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
• criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
• keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
• want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
• ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
• try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe. 

It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.

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Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you. Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy relationship partner.

Also, intense relationships can be hard for some teens. Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you. And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move.

Relationships can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too. Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people.

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.