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In a viral Facebook post, my daughter is dating a black boy, a mom responded to a text from a schmuck implying that it was bad that her daughter was dating a black man, in a glimpse at what would be all over Facebook if the website had existed in the 1950s (or 1800s).

Heather Boyer, a mom in Houston, Mississippi, shared an adorable picture of her daughter smiling with her boyfriend, and while most people were happy for their happiness, some person decided to text Boyer, “I didn’t know she was dating a black boy, did you?”

Boyer was understandably stunned, and rather than respond to the text individually, my daughter is dating a black boy, she wrote a public post for every racist still clutching their pearls over inter-racial relationships.

“The color of his skin doesn’t define who he is. What does define who is he is how he treats my daughter,” Boyer wrote, and also listed ways in which the “black boy” is the best boyfriend.

The post went viral, with over 1.3 million (MILLION!!!) likes.

Boyer writes:

Today my daughter changed her profile picture. After maybe 5 minutes I get a text . “I didn’t know she was dating a black boy, did you?”

It took me all day to think up a response, which I didn’t send personally but thought I would my daughter is dating a black boy for anyone else that “may not know”

Yes in fact I did know, but the color of his skin doesn’t define who he is. What does define who is he is how he treats my daughter.
I see my daughter dating a boy that comes to my house and shows me nothing but respect (a big deal in my book). It’s always Yes Ma’am, No Ma’am, my daughter is dating a black boy talk about football and baseball, he tells me bye when he leaves, and has not once shown me a lack of manners or respect.

I see my daughter dating a boy who treats her good. He takes her on dates, to ballgames, out pos dating site eat.not to a club or partying on the weekends.

I see my daughter dating a boy who takes her to church with him. Every Sunday. He plays in the band, she sits with his family. How many young men these days make church a priority? None of the others have.

He doesn’t hit her, cuss her, lie to her, or make her cry. Would I rather her date a white boy that did, to keep from her dating another race? Absolutely not.

So that’s my response to the question I was asked. And I know people have their own opinion, but at the end of the day, the fact that my daughter has someone that loves her and treats her like a queen makes me happy. That’s something I’ve never had why dating doesnt work for women my life and I’m glad she does.

Among the 80,000 comments, people shared stories of the interracial couples in their lives.

via Facebook

via Facebook

via Facebook

Love is love is love is love, and there is nothing wrong with being black! It’s not something somebody has to “transcend” with good deeds!

Being racist, however, is hugely shameful. If you see someone you know dating a racist, it is important you text them about it.

Dear Amy: I am in my early 20s and have recently started seeing someone from a different race, my daughter is dating a black boy. He and I went to high school together. He is honestly the best guy I’ve ever dated. He is honest, funny, sweet and caring. He treats me wonderfully.

I have always been very private when it comes to my relationships and have never introduced my parents to anyone I’m interested in. However, I felt like I wanted to slowly introduce him to my family. Even if it never turns into a long-term relationship, I feel like I’ve found a good friend.

My men dating jokes were OK at first, occasionally asking if we were dating (to which I answered no). However, my parents now say that if I want to live under their roof (I moved home to save money for law school), this relationship will not be happening. They say, “This world already has enough problems; you don’t need to add this one (meaning an interracial relationship) to the mix.”

My parents my daughter is dating a black boy always been loving and supportive. Shouldn’t they only care about the way he treats me? What should I do? — Upset

Dear Upset: Yes, your parents should only care about how you are treated. But — guess what — parents are fallible and don’t always make choices their children appreciate. Parents who have adult children living at home have the right to control the use of the family car, expect financial or chore contributions, and make conditions concerning smoking, drinking, drug use and curfews. These are all lifestyle choices that have an impact on the household.

They don’t have the right to choose your friends. However, your folks own the house you’re living in. They can set up whatever structure they want, even if it is unreasonable.

Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy, and you should have a relationship with him if you want to. If they ask if lone wolf men in dating are dating him, tell them that you are in a relationship but you don’t want to categorize it. If your folks ask you to leave home over this, then you will have to make a tough choice.

Dear Amy: My single daughter is 47, never married, does not date, has a great job, and is very attractive — but she has a serious problem.

As a renter, she has moved six times in six years from one apartment to another. She was a condo owner before that. Each time she moves, it is because she has had major problems with her neighbors. Each time, she feels that one of her adjacent neighbors makes noise purposely to irritate my daughter is dating a black boy. And this irritation goes on continuously when she is at home. She will not talk to these neighbors out of fear that it will make the situation worse.

She does not retaliate in any way and pretends that everything is OK, but she is burning up inside with anger. Dating apps germany you help? — Worried

Dear Worried: Your daughter is either very restless, extremely sensitive or (possibly) somewhat unstable. Her pattern of always having the same issue, and then moving to cope with it, is destabilizing (and expensive).

You should suggest that she see a counselor. Professional coaching could help her to find strategies to cope with her anxieties, as well as give her the courage to use her own voice when she wants to describe or express a problem. She is an adult and is making choices concerning her life — ultimately, you must respect her freedom to live (and move) the way she wants to.

Dear Amy: I disagree with your answer to “An Older Lonely Heart,” the woman engaged to a widower with a 10-year-old daughter. I agree that bereavement counseling would be helpful for the 10-year-old, but think that sleeping with the girl and her dad should not be out of the question.

There are many societies where the whole family sleeps in one room, and making the transition into this family by sleeping together may be a helpful step. As the girl becomes a teen and wants to have friends stay over, having her design a room of her own would be the next transition to independence. — Rae

Dear Rae: This father and young daughter are sharing a bed. The primary reason this fianceé should not co-sleep with them is that she doesn’t want to.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@amydickinson.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

Heather Boyer, a mom from Houston, MS, has a bone to pick with a "friend" who recently overstepped her boundaries when it comes to whom her daughter is dating. In a now-viral Facebook post, the mom explained how she received a rude question mere moments after her daughter, Kennedy, changed her profile picture on Facebook, my daughter is dating a black boy. The friend's message? She didn't know that Kennedy was in a relationship with a black person.

"The fact that my daughter has someone that loves her and treats her like a queen makes me happy."

"Today my daughter changed her profile picture," she wrote. "After maybe five minutes I get a text: 'I didn't know she was dating a black boy, did you?' It took me all day to think up a response, my daughter is dating a black boy, which I didn't send personally but thought I would share for anyone else that 'may not know.' Yes, in fact, I did know, but the color of his skin doesn't define who he is. What does define who he is is how he treats my daughter."

Kennedy and her boyfriend share similar values, including going to church every single Sunday. "I see my daughter dating a boy who takes her to church with momo dating site for pc. Every Sunday," she explained. "He plays in the band, she sits with his family. How many young men these days make church a priority? None of the others have, my daughter is dating a black boy. He doesn't hit her, cuss her, lie to black speed dating los angeles, or make her cry. Would I rather her date a white boy that did, to keep from her dating another race? Absolutely not."

Heather has a little advice for people who dating strategies for guys their racist remarks are welcome: they're absolutely not.

"I know people have their own opinion, but at the end of the day, the fact that my daughter has someone that loves her and treats her like a queen makes me happy," she wrote. "That's something I've never had in my life and I'm glad she does."

Q: My daughter is 14 and is getting interested in boys, and she seems more attracted to guys outside of our race. I am not a racist person but I would like to discourage this for one simple reason: That a lot of people aren't fair to a mixed couple and I don't want her to suffer for this. As I write this it sounds like I'm prejudiced, but I really don't want her to be in pain as a result of this. Is there a way of discouraging these relationships without seeming prejudiced? 

A: No, there is no way of “not seeming prejudiced” — because you are. Plain and simple.

According to the American Heritage Dictionary, prejudice is defined as "an adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts." Although your letter states that you do not feel that you are prejudiced, I'm suspect that your daughter believes you are.  I understand your concern for the social difficulties that a mixed couple may face, but these tend to be influenced by old, antiquated notions. In addition, you must take into account the possibility that in your daughter's social situation mixed couples may not receive special treatment or prejudice from their peers. Kids today more frequently have the chance to get to know children of different races, religions and ethnic backgrounds, an opportunity which many of their parents did not have.

Either way, I can guarantee that your daughter will not understand your position. That said, there are two important factors for both of you to take into account when dealing with the subject of boyfriends in general and this situation in particular. I suggest the following two points be discussed between you and your daughter:

1. I believe you need to take a look at your attitude toward the types of people you would want your daughter to associate with.  In my mind (and this is based upon years of experience dealing with this exact issue with many, many adolescents), the best way to approach this situation is that your child's selection of friends should not be based upon race, but upon merit, values and compatibility.  I suggest setting reasonable guidelines for the kids that she will associate with, such as being a good student, not in trouble with the law, respectful to their parents as well as to you and your family, respectful to your daughter, and involved in athletic or community organizations.  These are the benchmarks of good character, regardless of the color of skin, religious affiliation or socioeconomic background.  If your daughter can see that you are fair and that all you want for her is to be with someone of good character, the issue of skin color will be a moot point, both for you and for her.  If she brings home a young man of a different race who meets these guidelines, I would hope that you would get to know him as a person and respect the successes that he has had enjoyed.
2. For your daughter, tell her that she needs to watch out for the trap into which many girls I've counseled have fallen — dating boys only from another race, religion or socioeconomic status as a statement of rebellion.  I tell these youngsters black dragon how to message online dating exclusively dating someone of another group is just as prejudiced as only dating someone of their own background.  Many kids think that it's "cool" to cross over the boundaries, not necessarily because they respect or like the person, but because they're using the difference to make a statement.  Obviously, this is unfair to the other person, as they are, in actuality, being manipulated and used.

With this kind of communication, I believe both of you, to paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, will come to judge your daughter's dates on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin.

Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and regular contributor to “Today.” Her most recent book is "Laying Down the Law: The 25 Laws of Parenting" (, 2002).  She is also the consultant psychologist for the Family Program at the Pritikin Longevity Center, a nutrition and exercise facility in Aventura, Florida. For more information you can visit her Web site at . Copyright ©2004 by Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

PLEASE NOTE: The information in this column should not be construed as providing specific psychological or medical advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand the lives and health of themselves and their children. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist.