Jewish religious views on interfaith marriages

Interfaith marriage in Judaism (also called mixed marriage or intermarriage) was historically looked upon with very strong disfavor by Dating jewish men leaders, and it remains a controversial issue among them today. In the Talmud and all of resulting Jewish law until the advent of new Jewish movements following the Jewish Enlightenment, the "Haskala", marriage between a Jew and a gentile is both prohibited, dating jewish men also void under Jewish law.^[1]

A 2013 survey conducted in the United States by the Pew Research Center’s Religion & Public Life Project found the intermarriage rate to be 58% among all Jews and 71% among non-Orthodox Jews.^[2]

Later laws and rulings[edit]

The Talmud holds that a marriage between a Jew and a non Jew is both prohibited and also does not constitute a marriage under Jewish law.^[1] Furthermore, a Jewish man has no recognized paternal or parental relation to any offspring resulting from a relationship with a gentile woman. Interfaith marriage between a Jew and a non Jew is not even permitted in case of Pikuach nefesh.^[3]Esther's marriage with the king of Persia is, however, not dating jewish men as a violation against this, because she remained passive, and risked her life to save that of the entire Jewish people.^[3]

Christian rulers regarded unions between Jews and Christians unfavourably, and repeatedly prohibited them under penalty of death.^[4][5][6]

Gradually, however, many countries removed these restrictions, and marriage between Jews and Christians (and Muslims) began to occur. In 1236 Moses of Coucy induced the Jews bespoused by such marriages to dissolve them.^[7] In 1807, Napoleon's Grand Sanhedrin declared that such marriages although not valid under Jewish law were civilly valid and should not be treated as anathema.^[8] In 1844, dating jewish men, the 1807 ruling was extended by the Rabbinical Conference of Brunswick to include any adherent of a monotheistic religion,^[8] but they also altered it to forbid marriages involving those who dating jewish men in states that would prevent children of the marriage from being raised Jewish.^[8] This conference was highly controversial; one of its resolutions called on its members to abolish the Kol Nidre prayer, dating jewish men, which opens the Yom Kippur service.^[9] One member of the Brunswick Conference later changed his opinion, becoming an opponent of intermarriage.^[10]

Traditional Judaism does not consider marriage between a Jew by birth and a convert as an intermarriage.^[11][12] Hence, all the Biblical passages that appear to support intermarriages, such as that of Joseph to Asenath, and that of Ruth to Boaz, were regarded by the classical rabbis as having occurred only after the foreign spouse had converted to Judaism.^[13] Some opinions, dating jewish men, however, still considered Canaanites forbidden to marry even after conversion; this did not necessarily apply to their children.^[14] The Shulchan Aruch and its commentaries^[15] bring various opinions as to when intermarriage is a Torah prohibition and when the prohibition is rabbinic.

A foundling – a person who was abandoned as a child without their parents being identified – was classified as a non-Jew, in relation to intermarriage, if they had been found in an area where at least one non-Jew lived (even if there were hundreds of Jews in the area, and just one non-Jew);^[16] this drastically contrasts with the treatment by other areas of Jewish religion, in which a foundling was classified as Jewish if the majority of the people were Jewish in the area in which the foundling was found.^[16] If the mother was known, but not the father, the child was treated as a foundling, unless the mother claimed that the child was an Israelite (the claim would be given the benefit of the doubt).^[17][18][19]

Marriages between Jews and "German-blooded" people were banned in Nazi Germany under the Nuremberg Laws.^[20]

Modern attitudes[edit]

The Talmud and later classical sources of Jewish law are clear that the institution of Jewish marriage, kiddushin, can only be effected between Jews.

The more liberal American Jewish movements—including Reform, Reconstructionist (collectively organized in the World Union for Progressive Judaism)—do not generally regard the historic corpus and process of Jewish law as intrinsically binding. Progressive rabbinical associations have no firm prohibition against intermarriage; according dating jewish men a survey of rabbis, dating jewish men, conducted in 1985, more than 87% of Reconstructionist rabbis were willing to officiate at interfaith marriages,^[21] and in 2003 at least 50% of Reform rabbis were willing to perform interfaith marriages.^[22] The Central Conference of American Rabbis, the Reform rabbinical association in North America and the largest Progressive rabbinical association, consistently opposed intermarriage at least until the 1980s, including their members officiating at them, through resolutions and responsa.^[23][24][25] In 2015 the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College voted to accept rabbinical students in interfaith relationships, making Reconstructionist Judaism the first type of Judaism to officially allow rabbis in relationships with non-Jewish partners.^[26]

Humanistic Judaism is a Jewish movement that offers a nontheistic alternative in contemporary Jewish life, and defines Judaism as the cultural and historical experience of the Jewish people.^{[citation needed]} The Society for Humanistic Judaism answers the question "Is intermarriage contributing to the demise of Judaism?" on its website, stating, "Intermarriage is the positive consequence of a free and open society. If the Jewish community is open, welcoming, embracing, and pluralistic, we will encourage more people to identify with the Jewish people rather than fewer. Intermarriage could contribute to the continuity of the Jewish people."^[27]

The largest Reform Synagogue in New York- Central Synagogue, performs "interfaith" marriages. Such marriages are conducted to strengthen Jewish continuity (with the aim that the non-Jewish spouse will convert to Judaism).^[28] The 2013 study by Pew Dating jewish men "What happens when Jews intermarry?" found that children of intermarriage are much more likely to intermarry themselves and much more likely than people with two Jewish parents to describe themselves religiously as atheist, agnostic or just “nothing in particular.” The Study "also suggests" that an increasing percentage of the children of intermarriages are Jewish in adulthood. Among Americans age 65 and older who at the time of the survey said they had one Jewish parent, 25% were Jewish. By contrast, among adults under 30 with one Jewish parent, 59% were Jewish at the time of the survey. Therefore "in this sense, intermarriage may be transmitting Jewish identity to a growing number of Americans.". The survey qualifies that "it is snapshot in time and shows show associations, or linkages, rather than clear causal connections" and it is unknown "whether the large cohort of young adult children of intermarriage who are Jewish today dating jewish men remain Jewish as they age, marry (and in some cases, intermarry), start families and move through the life cycle".^[29]

All branches of Orthodox Judaism follow the historic Jewish attitudes to intermarriage, and therefore refuse to accept that intermarriages would have any validity or legitimacy, and strictly forbid sexual intercourse with a member of a different faith. Orthodox rabbis refuse to officiate at interfaith weddings, and also try to avoid assisting them in other dating jewish men. Secular intermarriage is seen as a deliberate rejection of Judaism, dating jewish men, and an intermarried person is effectively cut off from most of the Orthodox community,^{[citation needed]} although some Chabad-Lubavitch^[30] and Modern Orthodox Jews^{[citation needed]} do reach out to intermarried Jews, especially Jewish women (because Orthodox Jewish law considers the children of Jewish women to be Jews regardless of the father's status).

The Conservative Movement in Judaism does not sanction or recognize the Jewish legal validity of intermarriage, but encourages acceptance of the non-Jewish spouse within the family, hoping that such acceptance will lead to the spouse's conversion to Judaism. The Rabbinical Assembly Standards of Rabbinic Practice prohibit Conservative rabbis from officiating at intermarriages. In 1995 the Leadership Council of Conservative Judaism published the following statement fitness dating apps intermarriage:

In the past, intermarriage. was viewed as an act of rebellion, a rejection of Judaism. Jews who intermarried were essentially excommunicated, dating jewish men. But now, intermarriage is often the result of living in an open society. If our children end up marrying non-Jews, we should not reject them. We should continue to give our love and by that retain a measure of influence in their lives, Jewishly and otherwise. Life consists of constant growth and our adult children dating jewish men yet reach a dating jewish men when Judaism has new meaning for them. However, the marriage between a Jew and non-Jew is not a celebration for the Jewish community..^[31]

The exact definition of 'interfaith' marriage[edit]

Different movements in Judaism have different views on who is a Jew, and thus on what constitutes an interfaith marriage. Unlike Reform Judaism, the Orthodox stream does not accept as Jewish a person whose mother is not Jewish, nor a convert whose conversion was not performed according to classical Jewish law. Conservative Judaism does not accept patrilineal descent. A small minority of Conservative rabbis will accept Reform conversions even absent traditional halachic criteria, dating jewish men.

Occasionally, a Jew marries a non-Jew who believes in God as understood by Judaism, and who rejects non-Jewish theologies; Jews sometimes call such people Noahides. Steven Greenberg, an Orthodox Rabbi, dating jewish men, has made the controversial proposal that, in these cases, the non-Jewish partner be considered a resident alien – the biblical description of someone who is not Jewish, but who lives within the Jewish community; according to Jewish tradition, such resident aliens share many of the same responsibilities and privileges as the Jewish community in which they reside.^{[citation needed]}

Impact and consequences[edit]

In the early 19th century, in some less modernised regions of the world, exogamy was extremely rare—less than 0.1% of the Jews of Algeria, for example, practiced exogamy.^[32] In the early 20th century, even in most Germanic regions of central Dating jewish men there were still only a mere 5% of Jews marrying non-Jews.^[34][35][36] However, the picture was quite different in dating jewish men locations; the figure was 18% for Berlin,^[37] and during the same period, nearly half of all Jews in Australia intermarried.^[38]

In more recent times, rates of intermarriage have increased generally; for example, the US National Jewish Population Survey 2000-01 reports that, in the United States of America between 1996 and 2001, nearly half (47%) of Jews who had married during that time period had married non-Jewish partners.^[39] The 1990 National Jewish Population Survey reported an intermarriage rate of 52 percent among American Jews.^[40] The possibility that this might lead to the gradual dying out of Judaism is regarded by most Jewish leaders, regardless of denomination, as precipitating a crisis.^[41] For this reason, as early as the mid 19th century, some senior Jewish leaders denounced intermarriage as a danger to the continued existence of Judaism.^[42]

In the United States of America, other causes, such as more people marrying later in life, have combined with intermarriage to cause the Jewish community to decrease dramatically; for every 20 adult Jews, there are now only 17 Jewish children.^{[citation needed]} Some religious conservatives now even speak metaphorically of intermarriage as a silent holocaust. On the other hand, dating jewish men, more tolerant and liberal Jews embrace interfaith marriage as an enriching contribution to a multicultural society. Regardless of attitudes to intermarriage, there is now an increasing effort to reach out to descendants of intermarried parents, each Jewish denomination focusing on those it defines as Jewish;^{[citation needed]} secular and non-denominational Jewish organisations have sprung up to bring the descendants of intermarried parents back into the Jewish fold.^[43][44]

In some cases, children of a Jewish parent were raised in the non-Jewish parent's religion while maintaining a sense of Jewish ethnicity and identity.^{[citation needed]}

Christian–Jewish relations[edit]

Main article: Christianity and Judaism

In Christian–Jewish relations, interfaith marriage and the associated phenomenon of Jewish assimilation are a matter of concern for both Jewish and Christian leaders. Most mainstream Christian churches accept dating jewish men may even promote the conversion of Jews. However, a number of Progressive Christian denominations have publicly declared that they will no longer interracial dating in australia to this practice. These churches embrace dual-covenant theology.^[45][46][47] Additionally, Jewish counter-missionary and anti-missionary organizations like Outreach Judaism encourage Jews to reject conversion to Christianity, while Messianic Jewish organizations like Jews for Jesus actively work to encourage it.^[48][49]

Opposition to mixed marriages in Israel[edit]

Many Israeli Jews oppose mixed relationships,^[50] particularly relationships between Jewish women and Muslim men. A 2007 opinion survey found that over half of Israeli Jews believed intermarriage is equivalent to "national treason". In 2005, Ben-Zion Gopstein, a disciple of the ultra-nationalist Meir Kahane, founded the anti-miscegenation organisation Lehava.^[51] The group's name is an acronym for “To Prevent Assimilation in the Holy Land”.^[52] A group of Jewish "Lehava" men^[53] started patrolling the Jerusalem neighborhood of Pisgat Ze'ev in an effort to stop Jewish women from dating Arab men. The municipality of Petah Tikva has also announced an initiative to prevent interfaith relationships, providing a telephone hotline for friends and family to "inform" on Jewish girls who date Arab men as well as psychologists to provide counselling. The city of Kiryat Gat launched a school programme in schools to warn Jewish girls against dating local Bedouin men.^[54][55] In November 2019, Lehava leader Gopstein was indicted on charges of incitement to terrorism, violence, and racism.^[56] Interfaith marriages and dating are extremely rare in Israel, reaching way below 0.5 of the population.

See also[edit]

References[edit]

External links[edit]

‘And Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married; for he had married an Ethiopian woman” (Numbers 12.1).

Reading passages in the Bible, it seems apparent that throughout Jewish history, dating jewish men, some of our most famous patriarchs have ran off with non-Jewish women. They weren’t necessarily blonde, although I don’t think peroxide was available 4,000 years ago, and the first plastic-surgeon who did nose jobs only sprung up around 1500 AD.
My question is this — is there really a problem with Jewish men? I asked my brother Ezra. After all, he’s a Jewish man in his 30s.

“What is the problem with Jewish men?”
“Jewish women,” he replied. (Silence)

If Jewish men and Jewish women were created equally, we were created equally as annoying as each other. It feels like Jewish men and women don’t have a problem per se, we just (often) find each other unattractive. One of my potted theories on this (particularly where Ashkenazis are concerned), is that the genetic pool is very tight. If I walk into a room of Ashkenazi men nowadays, I get this weird feeling that I’m at a family gathering — that everyone is “related”. Subconsciously, there’s probably lots of other scientific things at play, like genetic immunity defence, pheromones, and the increased likelihood of having annoying children.
I asked a female friend what she thought of dating Jewish men — she’s had a number of aita asian dating reddit experiences. She said: “There are two types of Jewish men, dating jewish men. There are the non-religious ones, who don’t want any commitment. And then there are the religious ones, who don’t want any dating jewish men lot dating jewish men my exposure to Jewish men happened as a teenager. At JFS I was too small, shy and weird to talk to boys. I liked sitting in the music room, listening to Blur. I didn’t actually fancy any boys at school either — I was a bit of a cultural snob, and considered most of my peers too suburban or small-minded. They all got shuttled up to Camden from Edgware, Golders Green or Stanmore, and brought the suburbs with them. Dating jewish men grew up in an “art colony” as my parents — both sculptors — described it (though it was actually just a bit weird). I dating less attractive woman reddit a Jewish fish out of water.

My question is this — is there really a problem dating jewish men Jewish men?

When I was 16 I went on tour to Israel. Although the aims of the trip were to encourage a deeper Zionist sensitivity in all of us spotty teens, I spent most of dating apps for sex reddit month on a mission to snog the nearest boy that looked like Graham Coxon from Blur. They had to wear 1960s NHS glasses and have floppy black hair. My mission failed, and I was subsequently kicked off the youth group for being lazy and unco-operative.
After that, I went to art college and spent 10 years making obscure sculptures of suicidal clowns sitting on bonsai trees. The thought of marrying a Jewish accountant and having children (like everyone else at JFS) didn’t really cross my mind.

I actually went on some dates with Jewish men, which were funny. One guy tried to get me into bed after 10 minutes (clearly Orthodox himself); another was so boring I dozed off while he talked about holistic medicine. One thing I learned while dating was that Jewish men who lead interesting, “alternative” lives (ie they hang out with artists and are not accountants), tend to dislike being Jewish, dating jewish men. They’re not embarrassed by it culturally but they dislike the religion. So they get all sentimental about Fiddler on the Roof and smoked salmon bagels, but the minute you bring up the spiritual dimension, they switch off. They are generally well dressed, and I fancy them, but secretly hate them for being self-hating.

Then there are the other kind, who are very engaged in their religion, pray (a lot), frown a lot, study Torah, and probably know more about God than I do. I can’t help but be impressed by there religiosity (gosh! So deep), but they appear to have little interest in anything else. (“How do you feel about Jamaican dub step or Lego sculptures?”). There are patently other types of Jewish men out there, but I’m yet to fancy any of them.
I turned 30 dating jewish men, and although my Judaism is important to me, I won’t worry about raising a Jewish family right now, dating jewish men. Marriage and children seem like a joke in this financial climate — my generation can hardly afford to rent a room in a shared toilet in Hackney, much less marry a Jewish man and bring up kids. I could just about manage the responsibility that comes with owning a pet hamster. Maybe I could circumcise it?

As millennial Jewish women, we have lots of thoughts and dating jewish men on dating. We wonder if the Nice Jewish Boy even exists, if matchmaking works, why people lie on dating apps, and if single Jewish women have superstitions about KitchenAids(they do!). We’ve written about the Jewish woman crowdfunding her way to a husband and the gun-toting men of JSwipe and how to enjoy your first trip as a couple without breaking up.

But now we’re turning more generally to the thorny issues related to dating Jewish (or not).

To chat about everything Jewish dating, we gathered some Alma writers for the first Alma Roundtable. We had Team Alma participate — Molly Tolsky, 31, our editor, and Emily Burack, 22, our editorial fellow — alongside writers Jessica Klein, 28, Hannah Dylan Pasternak, 22, and Al Rosenberg, 32. A quick overview of dating histories, because it will inform the conversation:

Molly has had a few serious relationships, one lasting 5 1/2 years, none with Jewish men. She is currently dating (“alllll the apps,” in her words) and for the first time, she is more explicitly trying to find a Jewish partner.

Emily‘s first and only serious relationship (that she’s currently in) is with a Jewish guy she met at college. He’s from New York, she’s from New York, it’s very basic. Note: Emily moderated the conversation so she didn’t really participate.

Jessica has dated mostly non-Jews, which includes her current two-year relationship. He’s a Newfoundlander, which is (according to Jessica) “an East Coast Canadian that’s basically Irish.” She’s had one serious Jewish boyfriend (her last relationship), and of all her past partners her parents “disapproved of him the most.”

Hannah has had two serious relationships; she dated her high school boyfriend from when she was 13 to when she was just about 18. Then she was single for the next four years, and now she’s in her second serious relationship with a guy jewish online dating met in a Judaic Studies seminar on Jewish humor (“of all places”).

Al is engaged to a non-Jewish-but-considering-conversion-maybe-eventually-woman. She’s dated Jews and non-Jews and she’s dated (in her words) “I guess a lot.”

Let’s dive in…

Do you feel pressure from your family to date/marry someone Jewish? Do you feel pressure from yourself?

Molly: I’ve never felt any explicit pressure from my family. They’ve always dating jewish men very vocal about wanting me to be happy and whoever winds up making me happy is okay with them. Also both of my brothers are married to non-Jews. Though when I recently mentioned to my mom that I wanted to try to date somebody Jewish, she literally squealed, so…

Al: So, I’m the last Jew in my family (all of them either died or converted to born-again Christianity). None of them care if I date Jewish. But being the last Jew has created a lot of internal pressure to have a Jewish household. I didn’t mean to fall in love with a non-Jew.

Hannah: I honestly don’t, but I think that’s because no one has had to put pressure on me — I’m notorious for having a Jewish “type.” My parents wouldn’t disown me if I wanted to marry a non-Jew, but they have always said that my life will be much easier — for dating jewish men variety of reasons — if i’m dating, partnered to, married to a Jew.

Jessica: I don’t at all feel pressure to date a Jewish person and never have. However, I’m certain that if I had children, my mom would want them to be raised Jewish. My dad, on the other hand, asian cupid dating filipina a staunch atheist (Jewish… genetically?), so he does not care, he just wants grandkids, and he tells me this a lot. My current partner also happens to love Jewish culture and food, which makes my mom very happy.

Molly: I feel like the “life will be easier” thing is something I’ve heard a lot, and always pushed against it, though now I’m starting to see how that might be true.

Al: Yeah, I feel like the appreciation of the culture (and some of the weirder foods/traditions) is super important. Even if I was dating a Jew, I’d want them to be into being Jewish. My whole life is Jew-y. They should want to be a part of that.

Hannah: I think it is Molly — just from my current relationship. My previous relationship was very serious, but we were dating jewish men young. Now, even though I am relatively young, I trucker dating site canada on being a working mom someday, in no rush, blah blah, when Ethan [boyfriend] and I discuss our future, dating jewish men, we talk about having all our friends to our apartment for Shabbat, or our wedding, or anything like that — I feel like we envision it the same way because we’re both Jewish.

Jessica: Back up, Al, what do you mean by “my whole life 100% free dating site in australia Jew-y”? I get you, but I’d love an explanation.

Al: I work for a Jewish organization (OneTable), and I host or attend Shabbat every week, and I am cooking my way through the Gefilteria cookbook. At some point I just started becoming the Jewish grandma I’ve always wanted.

Emily: I too feel like I’m becoming my Jewish grandma except I cannot cook.

Molly: I cook a lot more than my Jewish grandma. She is an eat-out-every-night lady about town.

Jessica: Same, but for me it’s more my special brand of — I’m sorry I have to say it — nagging.

On the note of Jewish grandmas, let’s turn to family. Do you look to your parents and grandparents being in Jewish relationships (or not)? What about your siblings and their partners?

Hannah: My aunt married an Irish Catholic and he knows all the blessings, comes to temple, and all that stuff. I think it’s totally possible. It is just nice to not have the learning curve, or to have Judaism be one of the many dating jewish men you do share with your partner. There are always going to be things you have in common and things you don’t — and I think if you had to choose one thing to have in common, Jewishness is a worthwhile/valuable one. 

Emily: “Nice to not have the learning curve” — I feel that.

Molly: My brother’s wife is Chinese and was raised with no religion, so she’s suuuper into everything Jewish because she likes the idea of having traditions. My brother womens dating site profiles hated religion, but now because of her they go to temple every Friday night. It’s wild.

Al: Molly, that’s what I mean! I just want someone who wants to be around for the Jewish parts. Your brother’s situation sounds ideal to me.

Jessica: I get that; I’m more into being Jewish now than almost ever because my partner is so enthusiastic about it. He loves to learn about Jewish culture, which I really appreciate, and almost didn’t realize I’d appreciate so much until I had it.

Emily: Also, a Jewish partner doesn’t necessarily equal someone who wants to be around for the Jewish parts.

Jessica: That’s a good point.

Molly: Yes, I’m convinced if my brother married a Jew like him who didn’t care, they wouldn’t do anything Jewish.

Do you think your feelings on being with someone/dating Jewish have evolved as you’ve gotten older? Has it become less important? More important?

Molly: For sure, it’s starting to feel more important now that I am An Old and looking for a Husband. In my past relationships, I was younger and wasn’t really thinking so far ahead, so none of that future stuff really mattered. Now that I’m more explicitly looking for the person to spend my life with and have children with, it feels more important to at least try to find a Jewish partner.

Al: It’s definitely become more important to me as I age. Like, I’m thinking about keeping Shabbat for realsies and who’s going to do Havdallah with me? That wasn’t even on my radar five years ago.

Jessica: I’ve also gotten much more into celebrating my Judaism as I’ve gotten older. I think I used to kind of scorn it because it was something I was forced to do by my family. Now it’s my choice and I kind of miss being “forced” to go to temple, etc.

Hannah: Jessica, I feel the same way.

Do you think wanting to date Jewish, or not date Jewish, relates to being in a non-Jewish environment versus a very Jewish environment?

Jessica: I’ve always lived in very Jew-y places, except for like five months in Edinburgh once.

Emily: My hometown was so homogeneously Jewish — everything Jewish felt like second nature. I didn’t realize how much I valued Jewish community until I didn’t have it.

Molly: Oh that reminds me of something I realized recently. I was dating jewish men why, in the past, I’ve tended to gravitate towards non-Jews, and I think it’s because I grew up around so many Jewish people, and I associated Jewish guys with the people who ignored me in high school.

Hannah: Yes, Molly, a friend of mine has a thing against dating Jewish girls, actually. I think it’s because the town we grew up in was “jappy,” and the girls in his grade were particularly horrible.

Molly: Yeah, I feel the guys I grew up with are whatever the male version of a JAP is, so I have a… negative feeling toward them. I guess a male JAP is a JAP (Jewish American Prince).

Emily: JAP is gender neutral!

Jessica: Amazing discovery!

Molly: So wonderful! So progressive!

Al: I was one of maybe 10 Jews I knew in school and I was desperate to date a Jewish person (of any gender). I just thought they’d get me in some secret way I felt I needed to be dating jewish men. But at the same time it wasn’t important to me that my partners weren’t Jewish. I just imagined that it would be different in some meaningful way with a Jewish person. Also lol, re: JAP.

Jessica: I think I dating jewish men didn’t want to date Jews because of negative Hebrew school experiences with (male) JAPs.

Al: Also, as someone who is told I don’t “look” Jewish (5’10” and blond), I navigate the Jewish dating scene differently than others, I think.

Okay, yes, let’s talk about reading someone as Jewish / being read as Jewish.

Molly: Yes, Al, I want to hear more about “not looking Jewish” and how that plays into your experience.

Al: Well, I was looking over the questions Emily sent earlier, and one is about whether we think there’s a “Jewish hot” or something. And that’s something I’m actually super sensitive about in a way. So many of my friends are told they don’t look dating jewish men Jews because they’re Mizrahi or PoC or whatever, or even just like Scandinavian-looking Jews like me.

I remember being in Jouth Group [Jewish youth group] and the youth rabbi joking that I’d have an easier time dating because every Jewish boy wants a blonde. (Joke’s on them, I’m gay.)

Hannah: When I was writing my hair article for Alma, I was looking into stereotypes of Jews — literally reading stuff from the 1880s — and it turns out that way way back, Jews were known for being pale with reddish blondish hair.

Molly: Weeeird!

Jessica: Hannah, living near multiple Hasidic neighborhoods, I’ve seen a lot of pale red-headed Jewish people.

Also while we’re talking about perceiving someone as Jewish, let’s discuss the concept of “Jewish hot.”  Does someone’s Jewishness make them hotter? Less attractive? Does “Jewish hot” confuse attractiveness with stability?

Molly: Confusing attractiveness with stability, omg my mind is blown. Because yes, I think so, yes. 

Al: I do think “being Jewish is hot”… Like my friends and I talk A LOT about how dating jewish men it is to bring a date to Shabbat and then go home and… get intimate. (Is this a gay thing… IDK.)

Molly: Isn’t it a double mitzvah? Or is that an urban legend?

Al: DOUBLE MITZVAH!

Emily: I feel like I was more attracted to my boyfriend ’cause I knew he was Jewish.

Molly: I think it’s definitely starting to become “hotter” to me when someone is a Jew. Before, I was much more attracted to people from different backgrounds and who just had different experiences than me. But now if a dude makes a joke about gefilte fish, I’m like MARRY ME.

Jessica: Weirdly I might be more in the other camp. Like the more different the person I’m dating from me is, the hotter. In terms of background.

Hannah: Now that I am dating a rather Jew-y Jew — in both stereotypical and true ways (also, he went to Jewish day school) — I will say that his Jewiness makes him endearing but not “hot.” In the beginning, it definitely was something to bond over and whatnot, and it was something that attracted me to him, but it’s now just a part of who he is and who we are as a couple. So I guess I’m agreeing with Molly; like, it was hot to imagine a sexy future of us having babies with very curly hair.

Jessica: I really like that idea, dating jewish men, but I’ve never quite felt that way. Dating jewish men the man I’m dating has extremely curly hair.

Molly: Super hot to imagine my future husband covering his bald spot with a kippah at Kol Nidre.

Al: If we’re talking about like Ashkenazi looks, one of the hottest men I can think of is Ben Schwartz. Is this older men for younger women dating of a Jew thing? Idk!

Hannah: In my case, dating jewish men, [my boyfriend and I] dating jewish men pretty hairy-ish. My boyfriend actually looks pretty Sephardic!! He was blond as a baby and when I first saw him, I actually thought he was Israeli. But he’s very tan (I am very pale) and has that semi unibrow thing going on.

Al: Hannah, dating jewish men, I like a good unibrow, lots of character.

When you find out someone is Jewish, does that increase your attraction to them? 

Al: Jewishness definitely makes them feel more accessible to me.

Molly: Yes, it’s definitely an added bonus. But I think it means like, dating jewish men, “Yes, they’re hot AND we can probably relate.”

Emily: Yes! More accessible. Al, that’s so it.

Al: Like we probably know someone in common. And we can talk about some commonalities.

Molly: Knowing people in common is also super appealing! Feels like they’re less a random person, more a part of your world.

Hannah: Also, I think that it’s scientifically proven that we are attracted to people who look like us, dating jewish men. Which is probably the root of a lot of it.

Molly: God, we’re so vain.

Jessica: Not for me re: Jewishness making someone hotter. I’m always hoping I can learn a lot of new things about some other culture from being with a person, I guess? Also, I’ve got to be honest, Jewish men tend not to be my cup of tea physically. Unless they’re Jason Schwartzmann.

Al: Also – to answer your question, dating jewish men, Emily, with an example — did I love Drake before I knew he was Jewish? Of course. But do I LOVE him now, knowing he’s a Jew? Uh yeah, like a lot.

When you’re on dating apps, or looking for partners (or were looking for partners, for those in relationships), how do you navigate looking for a Jewish partner (or non-Jewish partner)? Do you JSwipe/JDate? Does someone being Jewish make you more interested on the apps?

Hannah: I have actually dated a few Jewish and Jew-y guys (if you get what I’m saying — there’s a difference between adjectives) and sometimes I envisioned a future very quickly— like oh! he’s Jewish! we can date! — but then our personalities totally, totally clash, or in other cases, he’s guy im dating calls me boo an asshole. So I think in the dating jewish men term, Jewishness is something that draws us in to the person — it gives you an immediate (albeit incredibly broad) excuse to connect.

Molly: I have tried literally all the apps. I’ve had the most luck on Tinder as far as finding people I’m actually interested in dating (that has been true for both Online dating mistakes guys make and non-Jews). Last year I joined JDate and it’s terrible. 

Jessica: Wow, this is making dating jewish men realize a lot about myself — on apps I’ve avoided guys who look Jewish.

Molly: Though I’ve also had similar experiences to Hannah, in dating jewish men I’m all excited about a Jewish guy who I matched with and then I meet him and I’m like eehhhhh this is terrible.

Al: Haha, dating apps — I once swiped right on this girl and her profile didn’t say anything about her being Jewish, and I was meh about it. BUT THEN I ran into her at a 20s/30s Sushi Shabbat at a temple and was instantly 10x more interested.

Molly: I recently changed my Tinder bio to “writer, editor, Jewish media darling” so I feel like a certain kind of Jew knows how to respond to that.

Emily: Like a Jew who could make a joke about Jews controlling the media?

Molly: Yes.

Emily: Because that’s exactly what I would look for also: that self-deprecating sense of humor that’s so… Jewish. Which my boyfriend happens to have.

Molly: When a non-Jew does it, dating jewish men, it’s very icky though.

Jessica: Yup. On the Jewish humor note, I think I sometimes get frustrated when my non-Jewish boyfriend is being too earnest/takes my non-serious statements too seriously. Which I think, obviously very generally speaking, is something a Jewish partner would be less likely to dating jewish men Yes, I experienced that too with non-Jewish exes. Like I would be joking/mocking/maybe being a little mean to them, but in a cute, funny way I swear! And they’d get mad.

Jessica: Yes! Most of what I say in general should be taken with a grain of salt/is sarcastic, so…

Molly: But yes, Emily, Jewish humor is a real thing. It’s a sensibility that I very much respond to.

Al: That probably explains my Ben Schwartz dating jewish men src="https://www.heyalma.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/parks-and-recreation-wink-GIF-downsized_large.gif" alt="Ben Schwartz" width="500" height="281">

Emily: Also, Andy Samberg I love.

Al: omg SAMBERG!

Molly: Do we just want to list the hottest Jews for a minute or two?

[Intermission: our hot Jews list included Gal Gadot, Mila Kunis, Justin Baldoni, Daveed Diggs, Natalie Portman, Alison Brie, Adam Levine…]

Okay, circling back to the larger conversation: Can we briefly talk about that “Jewish man’s rebellion” essay?

Al: I get a little weird when people I’m dating, particularly non-Jewish partners, tell me how many Jews tantan dating app dated before me — like… is it a fetish?

Hannah: That has a similar tone to the article Emily referenced: fetish, rebellion.

Jessica: Like in the article the Jewish men are fetishizing the Christian woman who wrote it?

Hannah: Both are sort of objectifying the partner — the writer claims that she’s his rebellion, in the same way that a man may date a Jewish (or non-Jewish) woman temporarily because of a “fetish” (though that’s a stronger word than what I’d actually like to use).

Molly: My issue with the essay (I mean, I have so many issues) was that it implies it’s morally wrong to have your values change over time. Like yeah, dating jewish men, maybe those guys didn’t think dating a Jewish woman was important at first, and now they do. Is that so bad?

Emily: Yeah, you’re so right, Molly. Like the growing up/values changing thing we were talking about earlier.

Al: I agree! And also, she didn’t want to be a part of their families!

Hannah: I agree Molly, I think that’s natural and okay but still sucks for the person at the brunt of it. What frustrated me more about the piece, though, was that she was making such sweeping generalizations about an entire sect of humans!!!!! Like couldn’t that have is bumble a good dating app? coincidence? But maybe I’m looking at it too glass-half-full.

Molly: I mean two is a pretty good sample size, scientifically speaking [please note this is sarcasm here].

Jessica: Right, it was a sample size of two people!

Emily: I definitely think there were strong anti-Semitic undertones as well.

Hannah: The wording was TOTALLY anti-Semitic. The end was the worst.

Jessica: Omg, the bacon garnish!

Hannah: Yes!!! That is literally making fun of a religion!!!!!!!

Jessica: Pretty rude.

Molly: Also just not funny. Like, if you’re gonna be anti-Semitic make it really hysterical. “Omg jews don’t eat bacon,” NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE.

Do Jewish men avoid Jewish women instead of seeking them out? Or, date them more seriously, less casually? Sorry that’s hetero/gender normative.

Jessica: My Jewish ex definitely sought out Jewish women. He told me on multiple occasions that he would only want to date a Jewish woman basically because of what we were talking about earlier, the humor, the “getting it” aspect.

Al: I feel like with my queer friends it’s not something that we talk about, or at least admit to, a lot — the seeking out Jewish or not Jewish partners. My friends who want to go to rabbinical school only date Jewish because of the rules of rabbinical school.

Any thoughts on things that we haven’t touched on?

Jessica: My non-Jewish boyfriend is into being Jewish to the point where he says “oy vey” and things like that all the time, which I’m totally cool with and I say Newfoundland sayings all the time, but I’m wondering — how do you guys feel about a non-Jewish partner incorporating “Jew-y” phrases into their everyday dating websites for women That actually made me laugh out loud, Jessica. Not that I don’t take it seriously — just the thought of someone very non-Jewy saying “oy vey.” It’s endearing.

Molly: I used to find it very cute when my non-Jewish ex would say Jewy things.

Al: Yeah, I like it. I think that kind of sharing is really sweet.

Emily: Cause you pick up your partner’s slang very easily, dating jewish men. Your slang just happens to be Jewish.

Hannah: Also I say dating jewish men Christ” all the time, so I’m one to talk.

Emily: Hannah, so does my grandma.

Alma Roundtable is a new series where we gather writers to discuss complex issues facing Jewish millennial women. This sounds so serious. We promise it’s more casual. If you want to see a topic discussed, please e-mail us at hello@heyalma.com. 

Kristina Grish has been described as a 'Nazi' and little better than a prostitute. Her crime: writing a light-hearted, non-Jewish women's guide to understanding Jewish men.

On websites and letters pages in Israel and the United States, Jewish women have railed at Grish, an American Protestant, accusing her of making it harder for them to find a Jewish man and trying to destroy Judaism.

On the surface, Boy Vey! The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men, has little in common with Mein Kampf, but Grish has touched the insecurity of some Jews who feel that marrying outside their religion will lead to its gradual erosion.

The title is a play on the Yiddish exclamation 'Oy vey' and shiksa is a Yiddish word for a non-Jewish woman.

Grish said: 'It was actually my best friend, a Jewish woman, who encouraged me to write the book because she was so darn tired of answering questions I had when I first found myself coincidentally dating Jewish men. I didn't consciously seek them out; I'm sure my past is a byproduct of living in New York, working in the media, having many Jewish friends.'

Over six years Grish, 29, went out with 15 Jewish men and decided she had amassed enough experience to produce a guide for other women in her situation.

While relationships between Jews and non-Jews are frowned on by religious authorities, and a Jew cannot marry a non-Jew inside Israel, there are numerous biblical examples of the exceptions.

The great-grandmother of King David, Ruth, was a Moabite and one of David's wives, Bathsheba, dating jewish men, was previously married to Uriah the Hittite. Their son, King Solomon, is believed to have included non-Jews among his many wives.

Marrying outside your religion is a source of conflict in many societies, but it is particularly an issue for Jews as there dating jewish men only about 13 million of them in the world, in Israel and the US.

Israeli newspaper websites seem to be financially sustained by advertising for Jewish 'lonely hearts' websites, catering for secular to ultra-Orthodox Jews.

Grish's book begins with her experience of dating a Jewish man on Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement. Although it is a day of fasting the couple went out for a meal. Later they had sex, after which the man wept tears of guilt for having sex, which is forbidden on Yom Kippur.

'I wrote the book with a very honest, respectful and light-hearted intention of helping women who interfaith date better understand the men with whom they're spending time,' she said.

In the book, Grish describes Jewish men as wanting to make a woman laugh, energetic in bed and keen to analyse the relationship. Because Judaism has a strong matriarchal culture, she says, they dating jewish men trained from an early age to please women.

Despite her praise for Jewish men, she has been the target of vitriolic attacks from Jewish women. At a book reading in New York she was accused of being anti-semitic and like a Nazi.

Letter writers in Israel have bristled at what they see as Grish's presumption. Darlene Jospe, from Jerusalem, warned the writer not to think too much of herself because she has managed to attract so many Jewish men.

'Non-Jewish women are not the attraction, but the forbidden fruit that is always sweeter. Kristina, like any other shiksa, is the appetiser for some men, dating jewish men, but they are still likely to go home for dinner to their Jewish wives and girlfriends,' she wrote to the Israeli daily, Ha'aretz

Pamala Moteles, also from Jerusalem, sees the book as part of a 'terrible trend' that forced her to leave America for Israel. This 'will spell the doom of the American Jewish community: the aggressive hunting of Jewish men by gentile women and the lack of interest expressed by Jewish men in Jewish dating jewish men she wrote.

She accuses the author dating jewish men encouraging the breakdown of 'Jewish heritage by cultivating a situation in which "Jewish" children will be raised by mothers of different religions' and of being hostile to Jewish women.

Grish said that she was hurt by some of reddit dating a ukraine woman comments. 'I am obviously not a Nazi, nor do I have an anti-semitic bone in my body. It's a bit absurd to assume that I hate either Jewish men or women, given that I've dated so many Jewish men, cared very much for their families and dating jewish men a lot of Jewish friends.'

Some women, however, have rallied to Grish's defence. Hanna Bineth called the book good-humoured and said the criticism 'stems from the deepest, darkest residue of the Jewish diaspora, consisting of the worst, biased, racist and self-centred attitude'.

Yoram Peri, a sociologist at Tel Aviv University, said many Jews would find the book amusing but see the generalisations as shallow. 'It is possible that American Jewish women who come to Israel seeking husbands - and there are many - might feel sensitive about the subject.'

What do women need to know about men, Jewish men in particular? Hmm, tricky. But, as a divorced and remarried dad of three, I clearly have a unique perspective in the field dating jewish men gender difference. So here are my own 13 crucial pointers. Oh, and by the way — Jewish men are not from Mars, they’re from Finchley.

1 Let’s start with the obvious. Food, it hardly needs saying, is a favourite of Jewish homo erectus. The fastest way to a man’s heart is via his intestinal tract. And remember, it’s less about quality than quantity, dating jewish men. No teensy nouvelle cuisine portions for us, if you don’t mind. Stack those viennas high.

2 We like chick-flicks. Seriously. Never Been Kissed starring Drew Barrymore as the titular virgin who finally finds love and snogs the hunk of her dreams to the strains of The Beach Boys’ Don’t Worry Baby before a packed crowd of baseball fans? Classic. Although we draw the line at Sex And The City 2.

3 What you look like is not important, dating jewish men, and certainly not a deal-breaker, so stop fussing in front of the mirror. Make-up,
schmake-up. And when it comes to clothes, we go for comfort, not class, especially since, if you go shlochy, so can we, which means another outing for our beloved tracksuit bottoms and hoodie.

4 Mess, or the avoidance of same, is key. For some reason, “man” is synonymous with “slob” when really it should be “fanatically, fastidiously neat”. Those scenes from Men Behaving Badly featuring Gary and Tony’s bombsite of a flat? Totally unrealistic. We’re into order, not chaos. Our CDs are alphabetised, our DVDs are ranked by genre, and our clothes are hung according to style and fabric, even if dating jewish men do largely comprise tracksuit bottoms and hoodies.

We like chick-flicks. Seriously.

5 Arguing is not our number one pastime. Some people are genetically predisposed towards confrontation, just not ones with xy chromosomes. Our ideal woman wouldn’t challenge our every waking move. Instead she would be accommodating if not compliant, although we can but dream.

6 Men (duh) are meant to be manly. And dating jewish men — surprise! — not all of us are. For instance, we hate insects, in particular spiders, even harmless small-ish ones that won’t necessarily kill on contact. It is in our DNA and based on a primordial fear of anything with more than two legs crawling inside our trousers. And so please don’t expect us to squish or splat anything. In fact, dating jewish men, we will marry you if you do the squishing for us.

7 You may be aware that there has been a shift in gender roles of late and that “women are the new men”. It is now our turn to be all soft and sensitive. We have feelings, too, and we need to be complimented and appreciated. You cannot, therefore, ever suggest dating jewish men your fella is anything less than the most utterly irresistible creature on earth, even if he does look less like Brad Pitt than Brad Friedel.

8 Sometimes, when we are at the shops, we might glance at another woman. This is not, repeat not, because we find the woman in question remotely attractive. Quite the opposite. It is because she is so not as attractive as you, dating jewish men, and we can’t quite believe our luck let alone trust our own eyes, and we just have to keep checking that it’s true.

9 We adore it when you buy us little gifts. Teddies are nice, so are cute, heart-shaped chocolates. That said, we’d prefer a new motorbike, dating jewish men, say a Kawasaki Ninja 600cc. Lime green, with matching fairing.

10 Listening to Larry David complain about the poor service in his local launderette: entertaining. Listening to your wife or girlfriend complain about her terrible day: not so much. Some things are beyond simple explanation, so probably best not to try.

11 It’s supposed to be females who are
congenital gossips, but we also indulge. There are few things we enjoy more than a good old natter by the water-cooler, although for greater privacy it might be more sensible to do it by the cistern in the gents, dating jewish men, as long as the subject of the scandal isn’t using one of the stalls.

12 As a rule, Jewish men don’t do DIY, so any dating jewish men that that shelf will be put up or that plug rewired is bound to lead to disappointment, if not dispute. Leave it: you can’t fight evolution. The male Jew is not predisposed, at a cellular level, dating jewish men, towards manual labour. No Jew has ever successfully constructed a single item from IKEA, dating jewish men, even if rumour has it a chap named Ishmael in Ancient Rome, later to assume the status of myth, is alleged to have erected a bookcase without the help of a single passing Christian. Besides, being naturally benevolent, we are thinking of our fellow man. Mow the lawn? Why, when there are decent non-Jews in the area desperate for gainful employment?

13 One of the greatest fallacies about Jewish men is that we devote much of our time to making money in order to attract a Jewish dating jewish men, a genus reputed in some quarters to be acquisitive and materialistic, dating jewish men. Not so. No, we do it because we’re still insecure about our circumcision and we’re trying to save up enough money to buy back from the mohel what we lost.

(Please note, the above does not constitute formal advice. Any woman planning a relationship with a Jewish man should first consult her mother.)

Recently, I found myself on a date with someone I was sure was Jewish, dating jewish men. We were in New York, and he had brown hair and the first name of a biblical hero — what was I supposed to do, dating jewish men, ask to see his foreskin?

He was not Jewish, as it turned out. And on our date, I learned a lot about Conservative Christian theology and the homeschooling system. But you are polite and from New Jersey, I wanted to say! You are wearing khakis and a button-down! How dare you deceive me like this!

In the Orthodox world, “Will we send our daughters to Bais Ya’akov?” could be a reasonable first date question. In most other cases, religion is considered an iffy topic for a first date — even if both people on the date are Jews who are both pretty sure they want to live and die without owning a Christmas tree.

In New York — where so many Jews convene to live non-religiously, surrounded by the trappings of cultural Judaism — mentioning Judaism on a date can bring up a kind of Proustian flood of emotion, like crumbling a glatt kosher madeleine into your date’s IPA. Mention Passover plans, or absentmindedly toy with a magen david necklace, and watch the conversation move from “Do you have siblings?” to “I was raised Conservative, but lately I’ve been going to Downtown Minyan, and I just tried bacon while I was on shrooms and I don’t know how to feel about it.”

Cut down from a list of 72, the Forward presents: Real Things Men Have Said To Me On Dates Or On Dating Apps After Making The Connection That Both Of Us Are Jewish.

1.You know there’s no God, right?

2.If God is so real, why is there CANCER?”

3.Do you know my friend Josh?

4.So you’re, like, really Jewish. I’m not. I’m just [entire family genealogy, starting in 15th century Spain]

5.So — Bari Weiss, huh?

6.Let me tell you all about my bar mitzvah, from the beginning.

7.Oy VEY we are both Jews, l’CHAIM to that!

8.You, your parents, and your sister all have jobs at Jewish organizations? That’s cool, dating jewish men. I guess for me, I just think organized religion is a pathetic exercise in brainwashing.

9.I had Parshat Emor.

10.You don’t look Jewish (OR) I knew you were Dating jewish men, because of how you look

11.Oh you write for the Forward? You must know my work in Tablet from 2005.

12.It’s interesting that you write about Jewish people for a living, dating jewish men, as if being Jewish is some kind of inherently interesting quality, rather than an ethnocentric obsession that grossly divides us and hardly falls short of race science, haha

13.You know who I love? Rambam. He’s very lit.

14.(People who have read half of Bereshit) I’ve read the whole Torah.

15.I really like this writer you might not have heard of, named Phillip Roth.

16.I am very similar to Larry David.

17.There’s this funny thing about me, which is that I really like the TV show “Seinfeld.”

18.We both agree that Netanyahu is corrupt but to criticize the Israeli government is not to criticize the existence of Israel, right?

19.We both agree that Israel is the one stronghold of the Jewish people and can do no wrong, right?

20.We both agree that dating men in fraternities reddit existence of a Jewish state is inherently racist, right?

21.I had that Torah portion that has all the animal sacrifices.

22.Do you know any Orthodox Jews? I don’t. They’re crazy! Have you seen the documentary “Footsteps”?

23.(After two drinks, leans in close, stage-whispers) I actually do believe in God. There has to be SOMETHING out there right?

24.Where did your family come from? The Pale?

25.(Laughing darkly, as if confessing to murder) I dropped out of Hebrew school.

26.I see you’ve dyed your hair blonde. What’s that about?

27.Have you done free dating site for married heritage trip to the camps?

28.So do you have to marry a Jew, or what? Because I would never marry a Jew who would only marry a Jew.

29.Let’s try on each other’s glasses and see whose prescription is stronger.

30.I don’t usually date Jewish girls, because they’re crazy.

31.Yes, I KNOW what the Forward is, I just don’t like your Israel coverage.

32.I know what the Forward is! My grandpa, who is dead now, used to read it.

33.One second. (To waiter) Excuse me, hi? I’ll actually have the pork ramen, instead of the chicken.

34.My family doesn’t believe in synagogues. We had a little group where we had Shabbat dinners together, organized by an imam.

35.I was sort of the king of [insert: USY, Ramah Nyack, NFTY, Habonim Dror]

36.My family quit our synagogue because we didn’t want to pay dues anymore. (Twenty minutes later) Do you know anywhere that does free Rosh Hashanah services?

Jenny Singer is the deputy life/features editor for the Forward. You can reach her at Singer@forward.com or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

JTA — Carey Purcell seems to be done dating Jewish men, as she explained in a Washington Post essay that earned her a deluge of attention — and none of it the good kind.

In an opinion piece titled “I am tired of being a Jewish man’s rebellion,” Purcell — who describes herself as a blonde southern Protestant who can mix an “excellent, and very strong, martini” — says she has had it with Jewish men who agree to get serious, only to break it off and marry the kind of Jewish women “they said they weren’t actually looking for.”

The two — count them: two — Jewish boyfriends she writes about had told her originally that Judaism was not a big part of their lives. She calls them “lackadaisical” Jews who only celebrated the big holidays each year. But as the relationships deteriorated, she says the fact that she wasn’t Jewish came to bother the men, and it repeatedly came up in conversations over time — along with other issues such as “money, dating jewish men and plans for the future.” After leaving her, both men wound up “settling down with a nice Jewish girl.”

“I guess dating me had been their last act dating jewish men defiance against cultural or familial expectations before finding someone who warranted their parents’ approval — perhaps the equivalent of a woman dating a motorcycle-driving, leather-jacket wearing ‘bad boy’ before settling down with a banker with a 9-5 job,” Purcell wrote in the piece published last Thursday. “I now half-jokingly consider myself a Jewish man’s rebellion and guard myself against again landing in that role.”

Illustrative. A wedding, dating jewish men. (Shutterstock via JTA)

Readers railed against the essay for its perceived stereotyping, and mocked it in variousoutlets and social media. Many online commenters have called it vaguely anti-Semitic.

Many note that Purcell seemed to base her perception of all Jewish men on just the two she describes in the piece. Many have also called out her depictions of old-fashioned stereotypes (herself as a WASP who wears pearls and tidies for therapy, the “overbearing” mother of one of the men) and flippant tone (she jokes about creating a cocktail named “A Jewish Man’s Rebellion” that features a slice of bacon as a garnish).

Annika Neklason, an assistant editor at The Atlantic, pointed out the similarities between Purcell’s essay and one published in The Atlantic — in 1939. In that piece, titled “I Married a Jew,” an anonymous Christian woman worries about her Jewish husband Ben’s neurotic mom and says he only goes to synagogue on Rosh Hashanah to “please his mother.” This woman, however, dating jewish men, ends up happy with Ben — whom she calls “open-minded,” “witty” and “generous to a fault” — despite being creepily curious about the Nazi point of view.

Purcell’s essay seemed a throwback in other ways, especially in its suggestion that Jewish men only experiment with Christian women before returning to the fold — a stereotype both recalled and mocked in Amazon’s hit show “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” which is set in the 1950s, when a Jewish father tells his son, “Shiksas are for practice.”

Midge with her father Abe Weinberg, played by Tony Shalhoub. (Amazon Studios)

The intermarriage statistics that Purcell cites actually undercut her own argument: As the landmark 2013 Pew study on American Jews reported, dating jewish men percent of married Jews — and 58% of those who have married since 2005 — have non-Jewish spouses. Purcell cites work by Naomi Schaefer Riley, who has written that Jews are more likely to marry out of their faith than people of other religions.

The key word here is marriage — Jews are increasingly marrying spouses from other religions, not just dating non-Jewish people before finding a Jewish mate. Intermarriage is becoming dating jewish men conventional, and less rebellious, every year. You dating jewish men that from the worried studies and ominous dating jewish men about “continuity” from Jewish leaders and organizations, from parallel efforts to reach out to non-Jewish partners and welcome them into Jewish communal life.

Purcell also invokes old stereotypes, perhaps inadvertently, of Jewish men preying on non-Jewish women. It’s a common narrative perpetuated by white supremacists.

Purcell didn’t respond to her critics until Tuesday, when she wrote an apology on her website.

“It was never my intention to disrespect the Jewish faith or anyone who engages in Jewish customs, traditions or religious beliefs,” she wrote after taking dating jewish men to “really think about what was being said.” “I realize now that I touched upon serious issues for Jewish people in America and worldwide, for which I sincerely apologize.”

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